This is what’s wrong with the world. This is a grown ass man there should be no excuses. I’m tired of seeing men get over on bullshit everyone would come down on us women about. If we don’t clean up perfectly we aren’t wife material or good mother’s. If we make ourselves something to eat but not the kids we are shitty mother’s. But let a man half ass the chores it’s always some lame ass excuse “he wasn’t taught as a child” or “well at least he washed the dishes. And he works he was probably tired and forgot to feed the kids”. We work and take care of the home .
I personally do not like it when my husband cleans or does the laundry I enjoy doing it on my days off work. He swept and did dishes at least he did something! Find the positive.
2 Likes
Tsk with him, make a list of the things you want him to do.
Then make a list of the things you will do.
Tackle it as a team, but let him that know that next time you leave, he needs to keep the house up.
2 Likes
Oh my gosh don’t be petty. Clean it and talk to him like an adult 
6 Likes
You have been away for a month? And expect that house to be clean ?
Are you on drugs ?
6 Likes
Teach him, so it’s easier on both of you
1 Like
I caught Covid 2 weeks ago and my house became a biohazard 
I 100% feel you on this and everyone telling her to just ignore it or clean it herself are the reason why men are essentially pigs.
He’s a grown ass man. The house should have been kept clean. Women should be able to take vacations, see family or just be freakin sick and not have the entire house fall apart when they do. I had this same freakin argument with my husband. It’s ridiculous. I wasn’t even allowed to be sick and relax because my house was a disaster zone.
Men know how to clean, but they don’t clean like us. They do it the easy way. The lazy way. The half ass way. Hire a maid.
Every man knows how to clean they just dont do it if you dont do it it wont get done besides xmas is coming tell him you can hire molly maid and he can pay for it that should do it good luck
2 Likes
Is this a serious post??
3 Likes
Everyone saying to just move on… no. Is he not a functioning adult capable of keeping basic human decency? If not, I’m sorry you married an overgrown child.
5 Likes
All of these excuses for a grown human. Patriarchy is so internalised in most of us.
4 Likes
Get a cleaning lady give him the bill
7 Likes
My advice is clean it together, there’s lots he can do,( even if he don’t know how to clean) he can pick up and put away stuff, show him how to dust, he can wipe things down even if you have to go back over it, it wouldn’t take you as long, he can fold his laundry, vacuum.
Hire “merry maids” to come in a few times, until your house is back to the way you normally keep it.
1 Like
Clean with him so he can see how you’re doing it.
Ask him to help you since he didn’t do it at all. And maybe you can show him how to do it properly.
1 Like
You get your ass up and clean jesus christ. I feel sorry for him, not you.
I’d be proud that my husband swept! If he’s working full time and that’s normally your responsibility (because you’re a SAHM) be grateful that he actually took the initiative to sweep! I also have a dog (and a cat) and I doubt that my husband would think the house looked that dirty after a few weeks of me not being there. Men have lower standards. I’d thank him for the effort he put in and maybe have him help you mop to show him the easiest way. I mean think about it, you left and now he has to work cook and clean when those chores were divided (if not only yours) beforehand. That’s a lot of extra work that he’s not accustomed to!
12 Likes
Hire a cleaner to get the house where you want to, than just maintain it
1 Like
At least he did the dishes. He probably acted as tho he were a bachelor being alone and if there was no one home to make him realize there is a mess he probably looked past it. If you give him a chore list I’m sure he would help. My husband doesn’t mind helping out but I have to ask him or he won’t just do it. Just communicate with him. I’m sure he didn’t mean to upset you
Has he ever had to take care of the house by himself? He probably did not think of everything that you do because he does not realize how much you do. Be glad he swept and did the dishes, that is far better than what my brother who lives with my (does not work was in his mid 40s at the time) mom (who is physically disabled) did to her when she was gone for 2 months helping her sister, he did not do one dish, barely took garbage out did not clean the cat box (11 cats at the time) he left rotten food everywhere, crashed her computer beyond repair, it took her a long time to get the house livable. Just take a deep breath and realize a stay at home parent does a lot more than a working parent realizes a stay at home parent has more time to do deep cleaning. If he works full time and was taking care of kids (not mentioned if kids were with him or you) he probably was overwhelmed because of not having to do that much at home before. I know you want the house clean right now maybe a friend can come help, if not focus on one room at a time, don’t think it has to all be done in one day.
When I leave out of town, I take pictures of everything and tell my husband and son that that is how I expect everything to look like when I get back
4 Likes
Cleaning is a basic life skill for men and women. I wouldn’t clean his mess. I’d tell him your bothered he left you a mess and get him to clean it. He’s an adult he can clean up after himself.
1 Like
Make it a couples night 
I personally am one of those moms and women I like it cleaned my way. But I would sure as shit roll out the welcome matt for him too clean if you do decide too
Hire someone to do it and move on
You need to make him help you. I left town and told my husband if I came back and the house wasnt in the same condition or better we would be having issues. He knew I wasn’t messing around. Im a Sahm too but i refuse to pick up after a grown ass man. Ill clean the tubs and toilets and floors and stuff like that but I won’t pick up after him
fck living with a pig, kick his arse out
So you hire someone to come clean a day before you come or the day of before you get home. That’s what I do, I leave the kids with him so it’s a vacation for me. As long as the kids are fed, do their school work, sleep on time I don’t really care. My cleaning friends know how I like it so they clean it to my liking, even if he would clean I’d still call them lol but that’s just me.
He only does it because he knows u will clean up.
3 Likes
if you never expected him to do it before then why are you complaining? Not just his upbringing that had him not cleaning. Take your responsibility on how you’ve kept your husband. At least he did the dishes
You being gone was a vacation for him. Get off his back its not the end of the world
You’ll have to do it…if he left it for a month he will leave it another chat to him about it hopefully he will help
Your standard of clean doesn’t mean it’s his standard of clean. Did you even bother talking to him before freaking out? A whole month away from him and youre just bitching about the house not being kept to your standards?? Yikes. 
That’s the whole point of getting married. You have more then just kids to clean up after suck it up buttercup and quit bitching
He definitely needs to be there to help “maybe” he genuinely doesn’t know how to do it, but nows his lucky day to learn
Very often the work falls on the only one it actually matters to. It may genuinely not be an issue for him, it sucks but chances are if you want it clean you’ll have to do it! Same happens here if I go somewhere he keeps the kids fed & alive but it is a disaster area when I get back because he doesn’t care if it’s clean or not. Best of luck!
21 Likes
We both work and I do most of the cleaning because it bothers me the most. Last time I fell behind, I asked for help and he did nothing. I told him I was pissed and leaving for the day and he could stay home to clean all of it since he refused to help with some of it. I came back to pine-sol and vacuum tracks. You should not have to be appreciative of being at home, that is lots of work. Why is everyone so willing to give him a pass. Cleaning does not have to be taught, who taught you? He knew how much it would bother you but he didn’t do it. Now everyone wants you to duck it up. That’s just not my style… You can help clean to your standards but he needs to put in most of the work.
17 Likes
I guess I’m kind of old school or whatever. But my way of doing things is…if we’re both working we both pitch in usually me cleaning him cooking because he’s better at that and I like my cleaning done a certain way. When it comes to me staying home he works and supports me roof over my head and food on the table etc I believe he should come home to a clean house dinner made etc. He should be able to relax for the most part. Things that get under my skin are like cleaning up after himself he still shouldn’t leave dishes lay around garbage clothes etc for me to pick up. Like take your garbage to the can, dishes to sink and clothes to the hamper. And also try to put things back where they belong/you found them when done. But for the most part I don’t mind doing everything if he’s busting his butt so I can stay home. If I had a chance to go on vacation he stayed home and worked…as long as there isn’t dog feces, trash everywhere, dishes or trash piled up I would take it as a win and wouldn’t say a word. Honestly I’d probably end up doing my usual cleaning when I got home whether he did it or not anyway.
6 Likes
Do the same thing you’d do with your children. “You help make a mess, you help clean the mess.” If his mom didn’t teach him and you want him to help, you’re gonna have to teach him as if he’s your child…shame but you’ve gotta do it or else he’ll never learn and this’ll happen again.
25 Likes
What the hell? If he didn’t deal with it in the month you were gone, he isn’t going to deal with it now. If you want his help and he wasn’t made to clean growing up, then ask for help and show him what you want done and how to do it. Unless you want to keep living in filth, you’re going to have to do at least part of the work.
44 Likes
I’m super OCD and have a little high expectations. If my husband only swept and did dishes, I count that as a win. Plus, I clean better, and would detail it after a month away. But I’m weird. I do understand your frustration. Hope your able to communicate that to him. I actually love cleaning other people’s houses, wish I could come help!!! Good luck my friend!
12 Likes
Hire a maid service and let him pay for it or he can be a fast learner. There is no excuse for not knowing how to clean, it isn’t rocket science. Shame on his Mom for not teaching him how to. You need to tell him he has to help out. I am a SAHM too and sometimes we are treated more like servants. Our job is 24-7, he likely is off duty after 8 hours. Time for him to put his big boy pants and rubber gloves on…mama needs to relax.
9 Likes
Amazes me how girls and women are just expected to know how to clean and just do it, but men can’t possibly learn how to as adults because they weren’t shown as kids. They are adults , they can figure it out. Stop making excuses. Just because she’s a SAHM doesn’t mean he can’t pick up the slack if she is away or God forbid she is sick in bed. Did he leave his mums house and go straight to bed married…still not an excuse.
2 Likes
I would get a maid to come in and clean. Explain to him, it’ll be an expense, if he can’t handle cleaning 
13 Likes
I would just show him what your expectations are. Show him how to clean properly. And those of you shaming her, shame on you. Sahm is a job on its on also. Done it for years and now that im working i expect my kids to help me out. My husband helps clean and cook when i am at work. Taking care of a little is hard work. He can help out. Maybe do it together so he knows what to do next time. Prayers to you!
4 Likes
Personally I would just be honest and say flat out that you are overwhelmed because while being gone you weren’t able to keep up with your normal cleaning routine and seeing it in the state its in is disheartening.
Ask that he helps you get back on track so you dont feel so overloaded. He may not ‘know’ how to do everything you do but if you make the statement and then add some direction, “I need to dust but will you please help pick up and then vaccum when Im done? That will give me time to mop”
In all honesty he might not be aware of everything you get done while he’s normally not there but you are.
10 Likes
Good lawd I’m sorry for you ladies . my guy cant cook so i cook and he does everything else we both work he usually gets home before me n by the time I get home the house is clean dishes done n kitchen ready for me to cook then he cleans up the dinner dishes
11 Likes
Hire someone to do it and he can pay for it… this is why I taught my son to do everything… he’s a blessing to his wife when she’s also busy
9 Likes
If his sister says he was never taught, without being overbearing, teach him. Work together as a team. Some dog hair and dust shouldn’t get you that stressed out. It’s just a house that can be cleaned.
9 Likes
First off, he did clean he just didn’t clean your way. Trust me, I get it, but the reality is he did do something. Secondly, the sisters logic is just an excuse. We are taught lots of things as children and not taught things as children but at this point in time he is a full ass adult and should’ve picked up the basics on his own. Thirdly, if it’s bothering you that much you need to communicate it with him, and I’m not talking about belittling him or pointing the finger while doing so. I’m sure you’ve heard it before but part of communicating your feelings is also listening to his. He may have gone through something while you were away and he let the cleaning get away from him, or whatever the case is… point is communicate.
I’ve been in the same exact boat girl, minus getting a vacation to visit family, I get how frustrating and overwhelming it ALL can be. As far as the cleaning goes, take it one day at a time, not everything has to be done immediately. You have to make time to breathe too.
5 Likes
My guess is that You aren’t so much overwhelmed that he didn’t clean as you are disappointed that he still doesn’t realize how much work it is even though he was supposed to do it for a month. Also that he wasn’t considerate of all the work you now have to do to catch up. If it really was just that he doesn’t know how to clean you would have taught him long ago. You don’t feel seen or appreciated. Tell him that.
And then I would be petty and buy something expensive like a roomba for sweeping and one for mopping, and maybe enroll in laundry service too, so it doesn’t happen again.
4 Likes
Honestly this happened to my husband and I but in reverse. (I didn’t know what to do or realize how bad it was till it was bad. Dont judge, i was a sheltered and babied child. Im better now) we ended up cleaning it together and his mom owned a cleaning business and i needed a job so she taught me. That night though we had a talk and I explained I was never taught how to clean right so we cleaned together and he showed me how
3 Likes
I feel your pain! Your best option is to do it yourself! Maybe encourage him to help! Give him tasks but make it seem like you really need his expertise and his help! Reward him for his efforts even if not up to your standards! This will encourage him to do more! Start with one room at a time. Looking at the whole mess is very overwhelming. 1 room is a little better to focus on! Good luck!
I’m assuming based on you posting here that the core problem is open communication. The fact that you feel like hiding instead of sharing how you feel with him is where I would start. My husband was the “stay at home dad” for a while and we still shared in household chores. Good luck.
4 Likes
So confused by this whole “ fan question” , she says she is a SAHM but no reference to children. So did she leave for a month and leave the kids and dog behind for the husband to care for alone? Also did he have to work while she was gone? Lots of variables left out and mostly I see the husband being bashed. If it’s that big of problem that you haven’t communicated about it yet then well maybe that could be a problem in its self!
6 Likes
If you are more comfortable with it clean, clean it. Don’t let this become an issue. Next time you go away, leave specific instructions or pay someone to come and tidy up before you get back.
1 Like
You don’t clean one thing!
Make him pay for a reputable,
professional house-keeper to come clean your house. (That way you will know it’s done right…THIS time!)
Maybe next time he will pull his head out and do it himself…and well!
4 Likes
If his mother was a housewife his sister is right he wasn’t taught. As frustrating as it maybe but that is no ones fault but his mother’s. This is a constant battle I have had with my mother in law because she thinks I’m an awful wife and mother because my husband and two sons help around the house. My husband made it clear that his sons would NOT be like his brother’s not know how to help their future wives. He has always helped me as I work full time and for years we have worked opposite shifts. Even if its has simple changing the washer machine and dryer.
I also learned it may not be my way but let them do it and DO NOT COMPLAIN because it will drive them away from doing anything to help out!
Teach him how to clean. Do it together.
Tell him that you appreciate what he did. Then show him your daily tasks without demeaning what he did. Hope this helps.
32 Likes
Well, if you never talked about this before and you’ve spoiled him as much as his mom-- what do you expect? You have 2 choices…quietly clean it yourself or talk to him about how you feel. Maybe he will agree to help clean and to do so more often in the future.
2 Likes
I would have a discussion and have him help out alot… cleaning is not rocket science… I mean come.on!!
5 Likes
Hey be lucky he did the dishes and you didn’t come home to that mess also. You know how many men wouldn’t even do those chores.
4 Likes
Maybe show him how you like things cleaned so that goong forward if you are out of town he can help. I think most of the problem is lots of times us women get frustrated angry we say oh ill do it myself because things arent being done the way we like it and we’re really not doing our spouse a service by doing so. girl I couldn’t cook to save my life and my husband taught me how to cook
1 Like
If you’re at SAHM, then to clean is your job. I am too and it is my job; my husband works and pays the bills and I clean, take care of the kids and go to college. Be happy he did the dishes and at least swept. Men do not deep clean like mopping, etc. It doesn’t matter if you were gone, sounds like you need to deep clean your house.
1 Like
I’d be happy he washed dishes, and kept the kids fed and happy. Don’t feel the need to make everything perfect at once. It’s ok to have a mess…I’m quite sure he now gets how much you do. I’m of another generation and fully know what I’m saying might be controversial. But since you’re asking for opinions, accept your man’s faults. He just doesn’t care about cleanliness and order like you do. He didn’t neglect, abuse, or abandon the kids. They are ok and he’s a good provider. But don’t kill yourself to immediately get things in order. Piecemeal it over the same time it took to get in this state. That’s what I would do, but then, I have a good man who treats me extremely well and overlooks my faults in turn.
1 Like
Everyone, including the dogs, is alive and healthy so be grateful he managed to do that. If he has not had to keep up with the daily tasks, everything probably overwhelmed him too. If he was also working, he may have had no idea how single parent and maintain the house too. Ask him to help you get caught up.
4 Likes
Yep, he needs to pay for a service to thoroughly clean. Just because he wasn’t taught to clean as a kid, he is not a kid, take responsibility and pay up!!
2 Likes
I leave a letter of everything that needs to be done while I’m gone and call once in awhile. I make sure everything is clean before I go anywhere. It sounds like he was trying to do the daily sh*t.
2 Likes
Hire a housekeeper for a one time deep clean and move on. The mess is driving you crazy. You’re not teaching him a lesson by torturing yourself, and y’all have a set-up where you handle most of the cleaning. If it’s overwhelming it’s OK to get help.
1 Like
I’d tell him to pick a 2 or 3 hour block of time and have him work with you. He made the mess and should clean it up, but if he isn’t good at it you’ll have to do it over again anyway. This way, he learns that he has to clean up his own mess and how to do it. It worked for me.
1 Like
You need to talk to him & explain that you need help. It’s not fair to have left it like that for you to clean. He’s grown, he knows how & he should help
1 Like
Good luck to u ! When u tell a man he didn’t clean it good enough and let’s do it together and I show u how I clean the house they will look at u and tell u to do it yourself or just go outside and do their own thing because u hurt their pride … BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT HE DID DO !
I would die before I cleaned up the mess that happened on his watch. You gotta dig your heels in and go through your day, ignoring your surroundings until HE brings it up. After buying paper plates, cups, and spoons for a while, HE WILL.
2 Likes
Either tell him you’ll show him how or call Merry Maids and say sorry honey I had to have help! I left my husband for a week with a 9 month old and 6 year old. He cooked, cleaned and the baby was dressed cute when they picked me up from the airport his mom didn’t come stay with him or anything. Not sure the baby bathed but once, but hey you can’t have everything 
1 Like
Look its not really a man’s place to know how to clean house like us women do …be grateful he washed the dishes and swept the floor! I’m very THANKFUL I have a husband that will clean for me…He works 8 to 12 hours a day M_F and 6 to 8 on Saturday. He will make beds, washes dishes,washes and dries clothes,folds and puts away clothes, sweeps and mops all my floors, scrubs toliets and tubs,and dust all my furniture ,ceilings and walls …he also will cook for me .I’m about to have surgery in a couple of days and he will go to work and come home take care of me and clean anything that needs to be done and then he will cook dinner for us, pack his lunch for work and help me get a shower or what ever I need and then get up and do it all over again everyday for 4 to six weeks while I recover…No questions asked or no complaining he just will do it and I have 2 bathrooms by the way and he will scrub them both!
He is a big boy, he should be able to figure out to clean. If he can make a mess, he can clean it. Just tell him to do the opposite of what he did to make the mess. If you clean it, he won’t learn his lesson. He isn’t a child. He’s a grown man. Tell him to act like one.
Talk to your spouse about it. Most of the time people lose the ability to talk in relationships and don’t have any clue what the other is going through until someone blows their top from being stressed. It seems like you have talked to his sister and now this post but you haven’t went to the source which is your spouse.
Well if his sister said he doesn’t know how to clean because he wasn’t made to…then teach him. Show him how you do stuff and like it done. To some men, sweeping and doing dishes is cleaning. Some men also need to be told that they need to dust the tv stand, or they need to wipe down the bathroom sink and vacuum the floor everyday because of dog hair…because again, sweeping and doing dishes is cleaning to some men.
I would use this as an opportunity to teach him how to clean each room and how often. It’s a shame when parents don’t teach their sons to clean.
He was never taught how to clean in his childhood. Then y’all got married and you never taught him how to clean and just did it for him. I don’t understand why you’re upset over him being himself, and you married him that way. Seriously. You did this to yourself. You can either clean it up alone or with him. But don’t act like this is all new to you.
1 Like
He doesn’t know how to clean? I’m pretty sure that’s common sense for an adult…not something he needs to learn. You leave it and let him stop pretending he doesn’t know how to clean up after himself
Ask him for help cleaning with you. If what his sister says is true, ask him to help you so he can see. My spouse cleans completely different than me but when we clean together, it becomes fun (ish lol) and the house gets clean but it’s not all on me.
Was he there by himself or did he have the kids. He doesnt know how to do dishes? Seriously, did he live at home until the day you married him? So many questions!
1 Like
Teach him the simple things like vacuuming, mopping and hanging up clothes. Even if he doesn’t do the best job, at least you won’t have to do from such a bad starting point. I don’t think you should get super critical of how good he does or doesn’t do, just give him room to take responsibility and to get good at it. Like teaching your kids to clean.
If he doesn’t know how to then waiting for him to do it won’t help a thing. Just do it or teach him while you do it so he can learn for next time.
Glad that he did the dishes and swept the floor. That’s something!
I’d be really upset if I came home to a messy house.
2 Likes
He worked all day. At least he cooked and did dishes and swept. Good gracious clean your house. You are a sahm and that’s part of it.
Welcome to the club. Be grateful you have a home to go back to. In these really tuff times ppl are losing everything, even their homes.
There are things my husband never done. Still!! I came to the conclusion it’s just a house that’s lived in. Sometimes the floors get just vacuumed. Life it to short to stress about the house. I keep repeating this.
Most men won’t clean because that think it’s a job for “women”. So sometime had him the broom or mop and just ask him to do it. Tell him that it would be helpful for the help and if needs to be shown, show him a video. If you show him he will let you do it and walk away. Thankfully my husband can cook, clean, and do his laundry. Yes, I showed him, because he has to travel for work and does not come home for months at a time.
A grown man “doesn’t know how”… ??? Nope. That’s BS. I would leave a small hint by leaving out the cleaning products in each room. And sit back.
2 Likes
Clean it of course. 
. Granted sham means taking care of your children first and foremost you should have time to clean. I just became a salir again after 12 years of working. Not my choice but I’m homeschooling our youngest and hope to catch up on everything that hasn’t been done in the time I worked.
If he never had to thus never learned, you need to let him know you need/expect him to help. Then you do it together. Teach him. Remember it will never be how you might do it, but if he does it (not half *ss) his way, and it’s done well, it should suffice.
I think your being a little critical, he swept and did dishes…ok. Did you come home to trash, dirty dishes, dog poo on the carpet? Was he working? I think I would be happy that he swept and did dishes…what’s the big deal? You want him to clean like you do? Get over it, be grateful that he works and provides for his family, and still did dishes and swept while you were away.
1 Like
I would suggest you have someone come in & clean your home to your standards. Have him pay for it. Then you can start off where you left the house, clean! A bit if a rude awakening, but such is life!!!
I completely get the frustration… but tbh…If its THAT big of a deal to where you are SO overwhelmed… CLEAN it. Unless you do things TOGETHER and you show him exactly what to do… he’s not going to know how to do things YOUR way. Guys tend to like things simple and said straight out. Step 1. Sweep or vacuum Step 2. Mop. Step 3. Blah blah blah. He’s not a mind reader. I’m sure he didn’t do it to make you so totally overwhelmed. Talk to him. But don’t let it get so over the top that you resent him.
I came home from the hospital. My kitchen looked like a tornado hit it. My husband is capable of cleaning and I told him step up, while I am getting better. He is stepping up and making the house nice and neat.
Maybe… talk to him, like an adult. He can’t read your mind and you have to remember he’s a guy, he doesn’t take hints well. Talk to him, learn to communicate it will save a ton of time if you just talk.
My fiance & I both share house work & cooking. I enjoy cooking with him. Although I banned him from doing laundry! Man cant fold to save his life & I’m OCD when it comes to that
Anyone suggesting that paying to have it done is going to punish him in any way obviously hasn’t ever seen just how much men will pay to not have to listen to a woman complain! Often they’re willing to pay double. What state you in sis? I’ll take good money to come clean it up 
