I need advice on what to do…I am a single woman and am 22 years old…I met a 30 year old on Tinder about 7 months ago and from the start it was meant to be…I knew from the start that he was a single father of 2 baby girls and that was fine with me as I am a Pre-K teacher and love kids…We recently started getting serious and I am going to meet his girls very very soon and I can’t wait (he wanted to wait a while due to the fact that his girls lost their mama a few years ago)…I love this man with every fiber of my being and know I will love his girls too…the issue is my family found out he has kids and they are livid with me…they are saying they feel robbed of seeing me as a “mother to my own” first…I am heartbroken because I love my family but I also love this man and I know he is the one for me…my family is basically going to cut me off over this and idk what to do…how can I make my family understand this is a good thing? I want to step up for his daughters and I want my family to eventually love them to…
I think your family is being selfish. It’s your life, live it the way you want. You sound amazing
If your family is going to cut you off for this… they’re no family I’d want to have. How incredibly selfish of them!
I think if you are serious and 100% in on being a mother to these girls then go for it !! At this point it’s about the kids and also to factor in your family and how they already are about the situation (which I think is very sad) And I think you sound like you would be an amazing mother to these girls who lost theirs. Really thjnk about it, it’s a lifetime commitment along with making sure he’s a good man for you.
Look honey, it’s your life, not theirs. You have chosen to be with him, you’ve chosen his kids too. You can still experience the joys of having your own baby in your arms when yall are ready for that step. Don’t let their negativity bring you down and/or ruin your relationship.
That’s so crappy of your family to say! It’s amazing that you’d take on two kids who aren’t yours and love them like they were. Don’t worry about your family. You can still have your own biological child as well. It takes a strong person to raise other peoples kids. If it feels right go for it!! Congratulations!
Your family wants nothing but the best for you. You are not only not ready to get married. You’re only 22, what about a career, become a responsible grown woman, be independent, explore the world, go after your dreams. You have a lot of growing up to do yourself,how are you going to raise two girls.I know it’s your life and you might be a mature young lady, but in my opinion you might be missing great things by becoming a step mom at such young age. Take your time, do you first.
Sounds like your family is very selfish! It takes an amazing person and incredible drive to help raise someone else’s kids as your own. You should be proud of yourself.
I became a mother full time to my step child before a mother myself and it helped prepare me better for motherhood with my own. My family was a little reluctant of the child at first- but now I’m 10 years into raising her (along with her siblings ) and no regrets. Screw what ur family has to say- what u think matters most.
This is your life and you only get one of them. Love between two people is very special thing and when you find your person, the one that has sparked your soul, don’t let anything or anyone take that from you!! The fact that your family has issues with your life decisions isn’t your problem, it’s theirs and while it hurts you very much because it is your family, your about to live your best life and they are going to have to figure out a way to adjust that this is your life and not theirs. I applaud you for being accepting of his two girls, that is wonderful and will make the love between you even stronger and the bond between all of you so special, I know because my bio dad was not present in raising me and when my mom remarried and I was very young my step dad accepted myself and my two sisters as his own and eventually adopted us and that’s my Dad, he raised me. His family also felt the same as your family because he didn’t have any children but yet my mother had 3 girls. They got married anyway. It didn’t take long before they saw how we all were a very happy family and they eventually had two children together. What I’m trying to say is, they may not be accepting now, but this doesn’t mean you should change the path in which you feel is right for you with this man and his girls. Stay on course, they will come around eventually. This is your destiny and no one else’s, just remember that… I will be praying for you. Everything will work out, surrender it to God, it is his plan after all.
It is your life your decisions if u love this man and it is what u want then go for it if your family choose to cut you guy out it there loss I have learned the hard way that if you don’t choose what makes you happy cause somone said not to it is only yourself that suffers for it in the end if I listened to my family 15 years ago I would not have the family I have today with the man I met on plenty of fish
Something sounds fishy… while understand them being upset I guess… I don’t get them cutting you off because he has kids… is something else going on?
You definitely should cut your family out of your life if they cannot accept you and your new family. If they did their job properly they should feel completely confident in anyone you deem fit as a partner… I’m half joking, Idk if cutting them out if the right option but I’d definitely love them from a distance while I make memories with my new family! Blessings to you! You do you. You don’t want regrets of “what if” down the road!
Toxic family - my bonus child is by far the best thing to happen to me and although things have not always been peachy i wouldnt trade any of it for a thing. Put your family in their places - disgusting behavior on their part.
Your family doesn’t live your life, you do. If he truly is that great of a man and your family is only against it for that then they can go. True love normally doesn’t come around twice
Your family sounds toxic. Move on from them.
You live your life. You don’t need anyone telling you what you can and cannot do. You need to be happy. If your happy then your family isn’t needed. If they can’t see that your happy means the world to you then you don’t need them to be part of it.
Why is your family concerned? Do they think you’re not mature enough to be a mom of two all at once? If mom has passed, you get them 24/7 not just weekends.
Are they concerned you will not be able to be much of a wife or have a honeymoon period jumping into the responsibility of two littles?
Do they worry the kids will be extra problematic because of the trauma of losing their mom?
Do they worry you’ll have no opportunity to live life, travel, pursue interests while you parent young kids and resent it later? Do they at least like your boyfriend?
If it’s true that your family wants to experience a pregnancy with you, that’s pretty presumptuous and selfish. They don’t get to dictate ANYONE’S life. What would your fam do if you couldn’t have kids, disown you?
I hope that once they get to meet the girls they’ll fall in love with them and all will be well. If you do have other children with this man, I do see trouble if they make a distinction between “his” kids and “your” kids. That will just breed resentment if the kids are not all treated the same.
If you continue this relationship, it goes well and your family continues to be resentful, are you prepared to cut them off?
Do have a long engagement and be very careful with the girls’ little hearts.
At the end of the day it’s life I started a relationship with a single father and now I have a beautiful little boy plus a bonus daughter.
Ugh. This hurt and warmed my heart.
You sound like a wonderful woman.
I wish my babies had a step momma like you.
Your family is being selfish. It is your life and if he and his girls make you happy go for it.Some day your family will realize how much they missed in you and your new family.
That’s about the stupidest thing ive ever heard. Sometimes family is way to entitled. ignore it and them until they stop acting so childish.
I was 25 when I met my current partner and he has 3 boys. I love them and their father more than life itself. Being in their lives has brought me more joy than I ever thought possible. I had some doubts in the beginning that I was good enough to be a role model in their lives but looking back I wouldn’t change a thing. Hopefully your family will embrace these children but if they don’t both you and those babies deserve all the love in the world and you deserve to be with the man you love. When you find the one grab him and hold on tight
I’m 22 & started dating a 42 year old (well I was 20 turning 21, he was 40 turning 41 when we met) & boy oh boy was my family pissed especially because his kids are 12 & 15 & two of his other ones are older than me lol. But once they got to know him & his kids, they realized that age don’t mean shit especially with us both being grown adults. & That his kids may not be blood family but they’re family nonetheless.
You’re a grown woman. Do as you please
Thank goodness my MIL never would say anything like that.
Just live your life they might come around eventually I dealt with this in a way my husband family didn’t like me I was a single mom of 2 but me and husband stuck together and been together 8 years and recently had our third baby together and his family took a few years but they realized I ain’t going no we’re
I can see both side, they are worried and care about you but they need to trust you with your decision. Just make sure he will give you a child of your own in the future. To be with someone who have kids, I won’t recommend it to anyone I love. It takes a lot out of you. And it is rare to find a good bio parent. Most of them will use the kids to destroy their ex spouses.
U do what ur heart desires an u deserve to be happy an loved I say go for it an hopefully ur family gets over it one day!!u will be such a blessing to those little girls!
Let them cut you off, sounds like you will be happier. You need to worry about yourself, significant other, and those babies. You haven’t done anything wrong.
You do what you feel is right. If I’d listened to my mom and her boyfriend at the time I never would have taken the chance to be with my better half. I knew he was a dad of three. Youngest being 4-5 months old when we first started seeing another. The other two 3 and 4. We’ve been together 7 years now and three years into our relationship we found out I couldn’t have children of my own. You gotta remember that sometimes it’s gonna be hard. In your situation with the mama not being around those kids are gonna need stability and know your not gonna leave. If your even slightly leaning toward not jumping completely into being a meshed family then don’t.
As a mother to a non-biological son… Do what’s best for you! I’ve raised my son since he was 18 months old… He’s almost 21 now! & just b/c you’d be helping raise two non-bio kids, doesn’t mean you can’t have kids of your own… My husband & I have 3 kids total…2 are biologically mine…I love all 3 of them the same
I unfortunately forced to choose between my blood and my now husband. Obviously my blood lost. They did not bring me a fraction of happiness my husband did. I didn’t even hesitate. I love him and my two bonus boys with my whole heart. I am currently pregnant with our fourth boy and regret nothing.
Your family is being terrible. They are making your relationship more about them than you.
Sounds like the OPs family is awful. FFS
You are grown. You can do what you want. It isn’t up to your family who you can and cannot date. If it is meant to be, it is meant to be. You do what you want. Don’t listen to them
My husband has no kids but i have three his family has accepted them as theres at first it was but they realized he wasnt walking away from them
I don’t get your family thinking that you won’t be a mother to your own child unless this man has said he doesn’t want anymore kids. That’s still not an excuse for them to be so horrible. If they loved you then they would support you in this stage of your life.
It’s your life and you should do what your heart tells you to be happy. If they cared about your happiness they would support you. Good luck. I hope everything works out for you.
Your family sounds super selfish. From what I’m reading it sounds like your family wants you to live a life THEY want and they don’t care about the life YOU want.
If your family treats you this way they don’t value you and respect your choices. Sometimes the most toxic people in our lives are blood related. Do what makes you happy.
How awful of your family to feel that way. In time God willing and you 2 are willing you have a child of your own and have a great family. Follow your heart and do what’s best for you.
That seems very toxic of your family. A good family would be supportive in your decisions. as hard as it may be, i would say to let them make their choices about if they want to cut you off, i doubt it will stick, do whats best foe you!
F that. You don’t owe thing a got dang thing especially some kids out of your cooter. That’s weird to me. Personally I’d tell them to accept it or don’t that it’s not my problem
You cannot make your family love those girls. Their reaction is unacceptable, they aren’t robbed of anything, ans if they only care about what your life decisions affect them… be mentally prepared to walk away or at least distance. They are selfish and don’t care about your happiness they definitely won’t care about 2 innocent children they are not blood with.
Just introduce him to your family. Is he a hard-working man? No addiction issues is it true that his wife passed away in her home to her kids there’s a lot that’s what your parents are afraid of. Don’t be too hard on them but also Let them know that you’re in the house and you are willing to start an already made up i family .just make sure you do your homework about this man your family is concerned . As I would with my daughters and son so there is nothing wrong with joining a good
Man or women that are searching for a a stable relationship with respect love and understanding it’s not going to be easy just communicate from the beginning and respect and boundaries you are not there mom and it’s
Going to take time so I wish you luck. And people often throw in the towel to soon as long he a good man you go girl we have to live our lives nothing is guaranteed ￼. But we can try our hardest to make it work if it’s something you know deep in your heart that it’s do able blessing to you . My husband took my two children from previous relationships, and raised them as his own, and they love him, and he loves them with all his soul…￼￼ they call him papi Spanish for dad.
Your a great woman. I have a an amazing step mom that I have called mom since I was little. I actually forget at times that we aren’t blood bc the bond is tight and the love is so natural. I also have my biological mom who I also love.
I think you deserve to be happy and go ahead and be with this man. If your family doesn’t approve, that’s on them.
Do what you want to do it’s your life the family needs to let you live it .
They had no guarantees that you would choose to have your own kids. My sons wife had a son when they met. I love that boy like my own biological grandson. Your family is being small minded. Go with your heart.
Wow they suck. “Mother to your own” wth does that even mean! AND they are going to cut you off? Please… do your self the favor and see your own way out because that doesn’t make sense in any universe. I’m excited for your love to grow and the bonds you’ll form with the two little girls. Totally nothing wrong here, if this is their only reservation- you’ve done nothing wrong.
You only get ONE life! Live it however YOU want to! Your family needs to stay in their lane! It is beyond selfish of them to make you choose!
You can’t make them accept or love these children. Regardless how you feel. But it’s not their life to live those kids were just fine without your family they’ll be just fine without them.
Don’t let your blood family cause your unhappiness by making you choose. If you’re happy with this man and you know things will work then start your own family with him and build from there. Eventually your blood family will come around. If they don’t then that’s on them.
My family was the same when I started dating my man. Go on with your life and the ones who want to be in your life will be. You can’t go about your life just trying to please others. Do what makes you happy and if they can’t be happy that you are happy then that’s their problem not yours.
Don’t let your family control or try to manipulate you by being cut out, if they are willing to cut you out because of their selfishness, then you don’t need “family” like that. Create your own beautiful, loving family with who you love I’ve been there, done that.
Honey if family is willing to cut you off over something like this then they are toxic and don’t deserve to be in your happiness
Just do what makes you happy. They’ll eventually see how happy you are and they’ll come around. I’m so happy you found your happiness btw!
If he’s good to you and you’re an independent woman that doesn’t rely on your family, do whatever you want. They’ll probably come around
Emotional obligations rarely come to fruition. I think it is awesome that you have waited to meet them and are excited about them. It shows that you are a compassionate young woman.
As long as he’s good to you and you guys are happy to he’ll with everybody talk is cheap n every ass has an opinion. Do you n walk away from those that rob you of your happiness as they will never get it
Don’t try to make them understand anything. That’s not your job. Live your life and make your choices for you to be happy.
You’re life, you’re choice, you’re happiness point blank you are old enough to make your own decisions you are an adult you do what you feel is right for you
Tell them if they’re going to disown you because you love a man & his girls then tell them to stay gone & they won’t ever see you when you have your own. Your family doesn’t care about you or your happiness if they are threatening to disown you over a choice that’s none of their business.
Simply tell them that it’s funny that they’ll cut you off because of bonus children cause they’ll never see you as a mother to bio children after that. Can’t love their bonus grandkids they don’t get to meet bio grandkids
He’s responsible and takes care of the kids he makes. He provides for them and himself and understands that children need stability and to be eased into a potential new mother figure. What’s wrong what that? Your family should be proud you found someone decent! In today’s day and age that’s a unicorn!
Why would that rob them?? In long term y’all could have kids TOGETHER. Don’t take those baby girls around them at all they don’t need that toxicity in their lives.
If they want to cut contact over that then they are toxic! If you want to be with him and those girls then that’s what you should do. If your family cuts you off then they will loose out and it is better for those girls to never meet them than be treated differently than any future children y’all may have.
Sod them old enough to know how you feel should be supporting you
None of their business. It is your life. If they cut you off that shows you who they really are. If you are happy that is all that matters. But I would go slow in meeting his girls until you have established a solid relationship
It’s not their decision or life it’s yours. You do what makes you happy. Your family is toxic and negative cut them loose. One day they are going to realize what they lost.
When l met and married my husband 32 years ago l was a single mother and his family included my son in everything and have always treated him as one of the family. It’s your family that will be missing out.
You guys been together 7 months and you have never seen or met the kids?
And he says she passed away?
Do You know how many times I have heard this story and all of it turns out to be a lie.
So before you cut off your family , make sure you have met his family , not just the girls otherwise sorry red flags as soon as I read your post. Good luck chicka
Unless this man has clearly stated that he doesn’t want anymore children, I’m having a hard time seeing how dating a man with children would interfere with you becoming a biological mother yourself.
Families come in all shapes and sizes.
Your happiness should be your families priority over all else.
It’s your life. I got into a relationship when I had a daughter of my own but the man also had two girls of his own that he had custody of. Now I’m not gonna say it wasn’t hard because at first they always told me they didn’t have to listen to me because I wasn’t their mother which I understood where they were coming from they were young and didn’t really understand why this strange woman was in their life but I stuck it out and worked with his girls and explained I wasn’t in any way trying to take their moms place I was just another person there to love and care about them. It’s been 8 years now that I’ve been in their life and their my best friends. Your an adult and your allowed to make your own decisions. Do what’s best for you not your family they will come around and start loving those girls like they came from you. And who says you and him can’t have baby together longer down the road.
This is your life, live it with your whole heart! This dad sounds conscious of his responsibility and dedicated to keeping his girls safe. That’s a win in my book. I’m so sorry for the loss of his wife and the girls mother, no one should have to endure that. This ready made family doesn’t detract from your having a child later. I would however be very conscious of your family’s behavior once you do have a biological child. Based on their selfish expectations they may treat your step-children differently then a bio child.
Ultimately, these girls have no mom and how dare anyone rob a child of that due to their own selfish expectations.
If I passed away, god forbid, I would love for my husband to find someone that could love my kids the way that I love them. I lost my mom as an adult 11 days after my 28th birthday and boy is it hard. Could you imagine growing up without a mom?! If he’s willing for you to meet his girls which I know are his everything, I think it’s serious. In hopes he would not let the kids lose another mom. You’re family is toxic, it’s your life. They are putting their happiness before yours. Let that sink in. Jump on board and not on toes. Take one step at a time. You’ll do great but set boundaries because you will be mom eventually
By the sounds of it, your family is the type that will (or try to) do their best to rule over you (and your life) as soon as you birth children yourself. If your so called “family” is that livid and is threatening to cut you off, that says more about them than you and it’s nothing positive. Straight up toxic and with that kind of toxicity, there’s unfortunately nothing you can really do to make them understand - this is your life, not theirs and if they can’t accept that, then that’s on them. It is true when they say that blood isn’t always thicker than water - just because you share blood doesn’t mean they’re family. You have to ask yourself, is starting a life and becoming a family with him more important or your “family”?
Here’s the thing: everyone is allowed there own feeling and there own decision. However only you get to make decisions for your life. Part of being a family is sharing concerns and supporting you in the decision you make. As long as you aren’t harming yourself or anyone else there isn’t a reason that can’t support you. I support you and I will happily invite you to be part of my family if your family’s ONLY complaint is this man has children. Are you know to make bad decisions? Are you know to be foolish? If not, examine your heart, examine your situation and make the choice that is best for your future. I love my family but they would never make me choose in a situation like this.
Always be careful and watch for red flags, eyes wide open. But otherwise “do you, boo”! It’s hard enough to find “the one” without adding a bunch of requirements from your family. They should be concerned for your best interest, but livid makes no sense. Sure, it’s not what they expected and it took them by surprise. Chances are they’ll get used to it, if they see you are happy long term. If not, they’ll miss out.
Screw your family, your 22, educated, sounds to me like your more than capable of making wise decisions. And your more than young enough to have a child of your own still. BEST WISHES!
kids are all Gods children, it sad they think that way, they need a moma , and you are welling to do that, I have grand kids that are not my sons, and I love them just the same as they were mine.
Let ur family be close minded, you are old enough to decide how you want life to pan out and you seem really happy with him! Let ur family be mad
You can certainly be a good mother figure to these girls and when the time comes you will be a amazing mother to your own child some day. your family ultimately has no say in what you do with your life. if you sure this is the right man for you then absolutely continue with the relationship. your happiness is important and these children are innocent.
If they are willing to cut you off for this, then there will be other things they will cut you off for. They’re busy leading their life; they should let you have yours. There will be struggles but they’re there in every relationship. It’s selfish of them to not want these little ones to have a mommy too! Your family will eventually get over themselves but what happens to you if you miss out on what feels right for you? They will move on with their lives but will you be able to have this man and girls as part of you?
Selfish of them. Do what makes you happy They’ll come around, or not, their loss.
Your family cutting you off for this sounds crazy to me. Especially for the reason you stated, “They feel robbed, blah blah blah…”
I could understand some concern, as dating a single father means you have more emotions and impact to consider than just yours and his. But beyond that, and based on how you’ve explained it…they sound toxic and controlling.
It’s not your family’s decision. You do what makes YOU happy.
Say goodbye and walk away. They either except those babies as family like blood born or they aren’t worth having in your life. Never ever treat a child different because they aren’t blood born, that’s just horrible.
Your family is being rude. Anybody can birth a child it’s the person who helps raise the child that’s a mom. My son has three boys and is single (seperated from wife), the boys mom lives in another state. If somebody came around that teated them like her own I would be ecstatic. I was a single mom at 21 and my husband has been my son’s dad since day 1. My husbands family accepted my son as is he’s just another grandchild/nephew to them. Shame on your family they could be missing out on a really good thing.
It’s your life do not let your family be toxic
Cover your family in prayer and ask God to help them. If you trust God with the problem he will always work it out for the good. God bless and enjoy the love.
Your family is being selfish. Either they accept it or don’t. Their loss.
Just make sure your family treats those girls right.
In a case like this your family needs to grow up and accept your feelings
Tell your family to grow the fk up. Not all families are made the same, some are premade, and it doesn’t make them less of a family or less reason to love them . How low and selfish of them.
You can still love your family but you can cut them off too if they can’t accept you for being with someone who has kids already
Listen to your gut and follow it
Step parenting is astronomically harder than bio parenting. If you have it in you then go for it full force!!
The village it takes to raise a family will find you… and it doesn’t have to be biological (as you will soon see when you hold those babies for the first time and fall in love)
You do you. If you love him. You will love his girls. Your family will come around
They are bonus children and your family should be glad for you and them. Shame on your family
I think you should do what makes you happy
Who cares what they think are they the one dating him?