I have a newborn and my husband is mad I didn't do the dishes...advice?

He’s being a jerk…ask him nicely to do the dishes…because you just gave birth… something he’s never going to understand…maybe a friend could help you with some cooking…dishes…or minor housework…

It takes 2 people to make a marriage work. His a jerk for beiing so mean to you

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Throw the whole man away!!

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Ew. What a pos man you have there

What a POS. Most companies these days give men maternity leave too. Without a doubt you need help. My Mom automatically always came & stayed 2 wks when I had my babies. She knew I’d need help til baby & I established a routine. If I couldn’t nap then I’d take care of what I could.

Kick him in the nuts and hit him over the head with a pot …… then throw him 2 bags of ice … and as you walk out the door ( without the baby) say… I’ll be back in the morning and the dishes better be done AND the baby happy and content :heart: he will have a different response to you then :heart:

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Ugh what a jerk. Please don’t feel bad, mama. The dishes can wait or he can do them.

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You should start by using his tooth brush to clean the toilet and tonight instead of sexy time ram a 7lb bag of potatoes up his penis hole and tell him to get to the damm sink and wash those dishes.

He is dreaming if he believes that
I don’t know any mom with a new born
That has the time or energy to do
House work , organise dinner and look after a baby
Tell him us mom’s and grandmother’s said he has to pull
His head in
And do the dishes himself as well as make dinner
After a difficult labor and delivery
You need to rest and recover
Also he needs to step up and help take care of his child

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He is an abusive butthead! Leave his butt!

Divorce the piece of :poop:

That’s my only advice.
Men that treat their postpartum partners like this are the absolute $cum of the earth :face_vomiting::face_vomiting::face_vomiting:

Simply put… your husband’s a lowlife POS.

He’s a douche, as he should be helping you.

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Ask him if his hands are broken or if he is just being a selfish little bitch because your complete focus is not solely on him.
He was adult enough to make a baby WITH you…h2 needs to step up or get out. If he is going to treat you like a single mom, maybe you should consider it…:woman_shrugging:t2::woman_shrugging:t2::woman_shrugging:t2:

Your husband sounds like a dick. I’m so glad I have a man that understands housework is EVERYONES responsibility.

This dude needs to lay the hell off. He wants the dishes done so bad, he can get to it than. You just gave birth to a wee little human life, that he helped create! I see red when men act like that. I went through it with my 2 daughters dad. It was f*cking horrible. I suffered from major PPD, had no help with baby ×2, no help with house work, I let myself go, I stopped eating even though I cooked supper every night… 6.5 years of that garbage and I finally left him. I mean, if I was doing it ALL by myself, what the hell did I need him for anyways?

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My husband would beg to take our son and hold and love on him when he got home from work so I could nap. I was exhausted and he never ever complained about anything I didn’t do. He sent our laundry out to be done for me, he would bring home food when I was too tired to cook. I don’t even feel like I slept for the first 6 months of our sons life. He was such a huge help and blessing, even though he worked 6 days a week 10 hours a day.

Your man sounds like a kid, one that is spoiled and rotten and needs to grow tf up.


This sets me on FIRE!!! :rage::rage::rage::triumph::triumph::triumph: I wouldn’t have a husband any longer if this was me! I’m so sorry sweet mama you do your best to take care of yourself and your sweet new baby the rest of the things can wait!


My husband ruptured a disc in his back the day I went into labor. So I was up that morning and got my husband off to work so up by 5:30 am then he hurt his back so I was up till after midnight with him when I started to feel contractions. I got maybe an hour of sleep before delivery then spent 24 hours in the hospital. I did get my tubes tied right after as well. My husband with an injury helped as much as he could with the baby and dinner and cleaning. I had a good alert of energy the first week and then it kinda went down hill from there. My house was a disaster for the first 4 weeks. My husband helped as much as he could but also understood that things were going to be messy for a little while. O think everyone is on your side mama! You are doing great!

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Did he not help you make the baby? Why is it all on you who is recovering from something they couldn’t even imagine btw. If I were you I would never do the dishes again just because he’s unreasonably mad at you for that. He should be bending over backwards to help you. I had a baby a month ago and my husband gets mad when I do the dishes or do any cleaning he could have done for me. We also have a 5 year old and 2 year old and he does most things with them as well. He just wants me to nap and pump so he can feed the baby. I hate to say this but your man sucks and you should really rethink your relationship sorry not all men are great……I’ve been married twice before so it doesn’t always happen with the first one and I’ve been where you are but I just didn’t settle for that. Nothing is worth being treated like trash or like you are nothing. You deserve way more. Good luck I hope things get better for you

And there weren’t any red flags before the baby was born??? :thinking::thinking:

Mama, you’re still busy recovering from growing a human for 9 months, tell husband to do the dishes himself. Make him understand you’re overwhelmed. I was stuck doing everything alone for both pregnancies and it definitely makes everything harder. If help is just around the corner don’t beat yourself up to do everything on your own!

Yea those first couple months are hard, not just adjusting to how baby works, but adjusting to your body going thru changes… the dishes don’t matter… the bond you build is the most important right now. My abusive ex used to compare me to other women all thr time telling me “they can do it all, why can’t you?” And it’s a completely untrue and unfair thing to say. Tell him you are doing your main duty by caring for yourself and your newborn and if he doesn’t like dirty dishes he can step up and do them, or don’t look at them cuz it’s just a sink of dishes… I’m sorry you’re dealing with this but don’t let him brainwash you into thinking you’re less than because house work isn’t done when he thinks it should be…

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My condolences for having a husband that way, it could take time for him to realize the change because of the little one. Not every thing will be at the fast pace of what he’s used to. If he doesn’t like the mess may he pick up and start cleaning as well. It’s takes a village to raise a child. best of luck and ya care of yourself. the dishes will definitely won’t get done without you being sick or hurt or dead.

Paper plates at this point are a blessing…if he complains…he can wash them…guess this is why I choose to be single…not dealing with a man child again

My house was nor perfect after bby… heck it still is not some days. We live here , not a museum. If my family wanrmts it clean they have learned to help. I went on strike to teach them a lesson. I bought only food for me n kids … had toss away plates etc hidden… did not clean up kid Toya. Didn’t look for lost stuff. Didn’t clean til they cleaned. So if they wiped a counted I might wipe something. If they stopped, I stopped. My kids dad was the worst. Sooooo lazy. I starting shoving his shit in a closet or a corner and keeping track of what I did and kids did and things that I told hom needed done that he failed to do. I even marked when he did minor things like clean up spill ! Yay! Lol he felt belittled and I saw bby steps in cleaning. And I don’t hesitate to let hom know I wear pants around here financially and cleaning wise and kids prefer me etc …he makes more than me but puts to his debt instead of bills. Meanwhile my debt gets put last and I put bills first. I make it obvious on fridge who pays what for everyone who comes here to see. You want easy life? You also get embarrassed.

3 weeks pp now and I have a 17 month old. My 11 year old daughter is my in home support (when not in school). I struggle to get the dishes done, amongst other things and sometimes I just don’t do them. It’s ok. I did buy paper plates and plastic forks to help take that stress off. I’m tired and have noticed after feeding everyone my food is often cold by the time I get to it. This too shall pass.

I’m not even going to read what others are saying because I’m sure it’s universally, “your husband is a twat”. So I’ll just leave it at that, but only adding that he is most definitely TA and totally wrong.

Ask him if he just got a major surgery and had to take care of another life if he would be up doing dishes and cleaning or if he would be laying around begging for help. If roles were reversed I garentee he’d expect you to take care of him. Don’t let him bully you. I did everything with my first and it made my recovery longer and my mental health suffer. I told their dad not this time. I need a partner not another child. This time he’s taking two weeks off and I’m taking full advantage of that time.

I’ve always said that if I feel like I’m doing this alone then I might as well be alone if they don’t want to help with their own child then like the child they are behaving like they can go back home to their mommy and be waited on hand and foot till they are really ready to grow up and be a man

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Well he got a shock wen bay gets older and active will b even harder and even more mess
I’m a clean freak but tht distracts me from PTSD depression and post natal and other stuff but some days like days in row I won’t do anythin and then I’m like OMG I have 2/3 days of pots it’s oka to do do things we get tired we get needed by our babies u resting I messed up and got straight cleanin wen I got home we was kept in hospital because of me and yh if I could I wouldn’t of cleanned And I WOULD OF RESTED!! X

That’s not nice of him at all. I hope the day never comes when he will need help from you. Sorry Honey but I’ve got to do the dishes.

Yikes. I’m so very sorry. HE should be doing the dishes. It doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing or when they were doing it. You just grew and birthed a WHOLE HUMAN! Taking care of that baby and yourself is exactly what you should be doing.

He needs to stop it n get on those dishes. It takes 2. TWO. When I had a newborn she had reflux n wanted to be held all the time. So… I’m her mom n that’s what I did. Dishes can can done when hubby gets home. Have him hang with his daughter n get the dishes done, or he can do them. He needs to chill.

I would have told him where to go and left

tell him to help with the baby if you want me to do the dishes or he can do dishes while you take care of baby its a 2 way street to get things done. mine helps when needed dishes , laundry cleans the bathroom.

Were they dishes only you had eaten off of or did he dirty them, too? I don’t think it’s really fair of him to expect you to recover from a difficult birth, while caring for his child (I assume while he’s at work?) and his expectation is for you to clean up after him before he gets home, too. You didn’t eat or shower today even though you wanted to. You need to focus what energy’s left after taking care of the baby into making time for yourself to eat, bathe and rest. Put on clean clothes. Do something nice for yourself that you enjoy. Something small that doesn’t take a lot of energy, but something that releases dopamine and makes you feel good. Please don’t worry about the dishes and worry about taking care of yourself. Men can wash dishes, too.

Omg throw the whole man out! He should be helping you, especially after a delivery like that. He sounds like a selfish a$$ :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

Just show him this post so he can see how dumb and selfish he is…. :angry:

My husband was understanding. He would look at the kids, see that everyone is happy and healthy, and appreciate how hard it is to just do that some days.
He never criticized me if the dishes sat in the sink for a day or two, he took two weeks off with me with each of my babies and knows how hard it was. He expected the house to be messy and was okay with it and would take over with baby so I can get it done or not expect it to be done at all and just appreciated intensely when I COULD get around to it.
Your husband needs a wake up call.

Are his arms broken? My husband helped & I also had my Mom for 8 weeks to help me for both of our babies; both csections. If he has nothing nice to say, he needs to :shushing_face: See if you can have family/friends to help, it shouldn’t all be on you.

When I had my 1st My ass slept when she slept. I didn’t clean when she slept haha but if you got one of them baby carriers you can strap em to you and get your stuff done. That’s helps. But now I got 3 kids under age 6 and my house is torn up all day every day :joy: I can clean all day and it wouldn’t make a difference. So now I just do 1 room a day and then when they goto sleep at night I pick up the floors then call it a day

Why can’t he do the dishes? Are his arms amputated? If not, tell him he needs to help you around the house as your main priority right now is healing and taking care of the baby. I’ll never understand men who think they don’t have to help.

Just didn’t do housework. Husband can help. If mine wanted me to cook after I recuperated he had to take care of the baby and keep an eye on the other two

House work can wait…. And he, the other creator of the child, can do the dishes if he is so fussed…. Most women get things done coz husbands do half of the work!

Plus I don’t think I ll get on top of my housework for next few months…. Newborn simply won’t let you….

I didn’t have a choice but to do everything on my own for the first two. It’s doable, but I wouldn’t reccommend it. Tell your husband that he needs to help around the house. That you had his kid, you’re healing, you have to go back to work way too soon after having a baby and you would appreciate a little help from the man who helped make her.
Don’t put up with bullish like this.

He’s a jackass. There are days I struggle with a 10 month old to get everything done as a SAHM.
My boyfriend did almost everything the first 12 weeks and liked it. He had 12 weeks off paid. He cooked and cleaned and changed diapers. Even now, when he gets home he hops in and helps work whatever needs done.

Well let’s see, I had to do everything all by myself and no help with the first one, the second, and the third, cause my husband worked in Oil field all the time from day light till darkness, and I did a Great job of everything, so hang in there girl you got this. I’ll say Prayers for you.

I hear you mama men don’t get we just had a baby and things a so different when you bring them home if I were you I wouldn’t trip on him tell him if he thinks he can have a baby and get back to work just like that then by all means do the dishes himself

Geeze sorry hubby but the dishes are not going to get done tommorow and guess what the bed not getting made either ,day three geeze the dishes are still not done the bed still hasn’t been made and oh gosh the rug was not vacuumed.day 4 dishes ,bed , vacuum still not done and oh the floor has not been swept ,day 5 hey hubby the baby is very well taken care of and I’m starting to feel better and if you want want that stuff done than you better learn how

Sounds like you need a new husband. Enjoy that time with your baby. They are only little for so long. This time is supposed to be about bonding with your baby. Tell your husband to do the dam# dishes!

TELL HIM you stay home for 1 day with her and show me you can get everything done I have 3 kids my youngest being 2 months old … and I tell you what it takes 2 !!! If he sees them dirty pick up a dishcloth and turn the water on … or offer to take baby girl why you do the dishes … wait until she starts teething he thinks you get nothing done now :sweat_smile:

This shouldn’t even be an issue. I wouldn’t do the dishes either. You get 3 weeks home with baby. Lay on the couch with her 24/7 if that’s what you wanna do !

My first pregnancy was twins. No help from anyone straight from the beginning. My second pregnancy was my son. I had some help but still did everything on my own. Now I’m married and still do everything on my own. I just gained a fourth child not a husband.

With my first I was out and about shopping the day after we came home because my kids dad couldn’t even do that while I spent a week I. The hospital. With our second I got my tubes tied and could barely sit up alone. My mom ended up having to come everyday just to get me out of bed. I finally woke up and realized life is hard enough without having a partner to make it worse. In the end we split because to him “it was the woman’s job” and in reality it takes two people to make a baby and care for it and our home. He needs to wake up and take responsibility!!

Tell him that he can either pitch in or come out of his wallet and hire a cleaner, lol. Being a new mom is rough. I was blessed with my husband because if I needed him at night when he got off work, he was there to help me out with anything I needed. Maybe try sitting down and having a conversation with him. Maybe you could pump that way he can take care of the baby in the evening sometimes so that you can shower, cook dinner, etc. It makes life a LOT easier having a second set of hands. One thing my husband has stressed to me over the years is that men are not mind readers. Even though WE feel like “how do you not recognize that I need help?” men don’t always see that. They think we’re superwoman trying to handle everything. Sometimes all it takes is ,”can you please take the baby so I can go clean the dishes,” or “can you please wash the dishes, the baby has kept me on my toes today.” Communication is key, ESPECIALLY when you have little little ones.

Politely…. He doesn’t know shit about shit. It is incredibly common for your house to look like a bomb went off when you have a newborn. Very few new moms are able to “get to the dishes.” And wtf was occupying him that he couldn’t do them? He sounds like a child and he’s lucky he doesn’t have the kind of partner who will light him TF up for acting like this.

He sounds like an ass. My husband didn’t care what our house looked like for the first month at least lol. As long as the bottles were clean and our daughter was fed.

Your husband is selfish. He should be helping you with everything. I am sorry you going thru this. My children father was the same. I wish you the best.

I have barley touched the dishes since my daughter was born 6 months ago! We have 5 kids so we always have dishes but I don’t clean like I did before her.

Sounds like a jerk and that’s a nice word to use, instead of getting mad at you he should have just done them himself and should be doing other stuff to help you out around the house with the baby etc. A man that will actually get mad over something like that is just a little bitch…I think his name needs to put on this so he can see what everyone else thinks and says about him maybe it would open his eyes a little,but if he gets mad over something like that what else does he get mad over sounds like you would be better off without him,you have a new born baby to take of you don’t need a adult one too…just my opinion.

Literally what is the point of having another adult around if all they do is add more work and stress for you in an already high stress time of your life…

What’s wrong with his hands that he couldn’t wash them? There’s plenty of men who can pay for housekeepers so their wives don’t have to worry about cleaning, ask him why he can’t pay for one. It’s a 2 person household, if one of you can’t do something, the other one does, teamwork.

Hmm no. I didn’t stay on the house work, I was too focused on caring for a brand new baby. You deserve better

Ladies remember; even if you can manage on your own and do it all on your own…raising a family is a team effort!!! We shouldnt have to do it alone just because our husbands KNOW we can or believe we should!!
I have 3 kids of my own 2 under 2 and sometimes even if it can get things done snuggles and bonding time come first!

My Mom raised 6 of us by herself. She had no help and that’s who I got my strength from when raising my 3 children

I did it all by myself with many pregnancies and newborns…I should not have had too. Built up resentment,bitterness and even hate can eventually evolve overtime. He needs to evaluate whether he wants a pristine home cleaned by you and eventually be so despised that you cannot stand to be in the same room. Of course he could always do it himself, pay someone else to do it…or forget about it for now,theres always tomorrow. This isn’t about dishes,its about control and disregard for your health & mental health, which translates to disrespect. If he loved you and respected you,he wouldn’t give a crap about something as mundane as dishes.

If your not ready to dump his ass for lack of empathy and understanding then you should problem solve him, as soon as he leaves next get a wheelbarrow and haul every dish, pot, pan and piece of silverware out of the house and buy paper plates, plastic cups and plastic utensils, and tell him microwave and take-out only till further notice

I had help and my second husband, not the father of my kids, has been a massive help. I most definitely couldn’t have asked for a better man. The first went out and pissed away our money and I had to become a bitch to get any help out of him I was always so tired but his mom and step dad have had me ever since I appreciate them more than anyone would ever know

I would tell him if the dishes bothered him that bad he could do them himself …Sounds like he is a jerk . Everyone needs help don’t let him make you feel bad about yourself.

My husband alllwwaayysss does the dishes tell him to grow a pair and be a man and help out

Recovery is different for everyone. Especially if it was a rough delivery. Your husband needs to put on the Grown Man underwear and help out.
He helped make the baby

Tell him get up and help if not he can cook, clean and all the in between she’s a new baby, you’re a new mom you need help he needs to grow up and wash a dish. Be blunt with him. Put your foot down you’re not a work horse baby machine. Either he helps or he stays quiet.

My mother always came down to help me with all three of my babies. I thank God for her​:pray::pray::pray:

When baby was sleeping housework done. Use your dishwasher, rinse and load as you go. Same with washer and dryer, load as you go. Wash when a load is ready, dry and put up same. Prioritize and do in steps not all at once.

No you can’t do it by yourself your body has been through a lot you need to rest and eat and be able to get showered and dressed he should go you

This is not a partner. This is a boy who ended up getting you pregnant. If he’s unwilling to compromise and listen to your needs then he likely never will.

Are his legs and hands broken? If not, he’s just as capable of doing the dishes as your are! My husband picked up the slack and he worked long hour days in the Florida heat. Marriage is about compromise and understanding. My ex was like your husband. I had an almost 3 year old and newborn at home (back in 2016) and my ex would get pissed if he came home and supper wasn’t done or I didn’t even cook at all.

If you have to do it all by yourself than you might as well do it all by yourself. Get a new one, that one is broken.

Tell him you want the dishes done then you wash them don’t let him bully you you are his partner not his slave

I’d tell him be mad or do the dishes. You have a human you’re taking care of! He’ll be ok!

Hard pass ma’am. Find you a supportive man not a little boy who wants a mommy to take care of him too. Take it from someone who wasted all of my youth on my kids father who has never amounted to anything and never helped with anything about the house. That behavior is a red flag. He doesn’t care that you’re healing nor does he seem to understand that you have a newborn and thats a 24/7 thing. Plus it takes a year at minimum to FULLY heal your body after birth. 6 weeks doesn’t mean you’re back to normal. Just that you’re out of the immediate danger of certain complications. He can either be supportive and help you out also, or if you’re gonna raise the baby, clean the house and wipe his ass for him too, what’s the point of him being around at all then? Cause his mama can baby him, that’s not what a marriage is for. He’s supposed to be your partner. He takes up your slack when you are down and vice versa. Sounds like you do ALL the slack. And you’re going to go back to work?! Yeah…being a single parent with an adult in the same house as you is for the birds. Take this opportunity to see his true colors cause he’s showing them to you. And then leave. You and your baby don’t need that negativity in your lives. Bleh :face_vomiting:

Tell him if he wants you to do dishes then for him to take care of baby while you do then.

Flat out just leave him. U already have a newborn y should u have to raise the baby and him.

Your husband will be in for a surprise as to how much ‘doesn’t’ get done when baby starts moving……

You can do it but yourself but you shouldn’t have to, your partner should be helping out otherwise why is he there

Personally, I’d be petty af and order paper plates, paper bowls, solo cups etc for delivery and then get take out food. Since I am sure the only chore he even considers “man’s work” is trash :rofl: and he can put himself on the curb with it tbh. My ex husband was a prick like this. My current husband washes dishes instead of the dishwasher because “my hands are faster and theres not that much” he says. The differences in the real men and the emotionally challenged mamas boys is very obvious when you finally get to someone better. Don’t take this crap. The fact he doesn’t even attempt to just help and gets pissy at you is bitch boy behavior lol. Dump the zero and get you a hero :sunglasses:

Wtf is wrong with this guy. Tell him to shove the dishes up his anus . How heartless of him.

That’s unacceptable. He actually should be helping, you just birthed his child for goodness sake!

He’s got two hands???
Never let a man treat you like that. :sleepy:

Tell the man, instead of complaining to kiss your ass, most woman have help, and if he doesn’t like shit not getting done , maybe he should do it

Tell him to get off his lazy butt if if he wants the dishes washed time to do in the cell speaker don’t let him talk to you that way

Sounds like you need a new husband or one that has a clue!

On his next day off find an outing u have to attend… let him spend the majority of the day with all your daily responsibilities and child and watch that attitude change!

I took care of everything in the house plus twins after a c section… but everyone is different in which they can handle things

He’s wrong… newborns require a lot of attention

He’s arrogant. Period. That is absolutely ridiculous. I could never!

Does he not know how to was a dish.

Your husband has unrealistic expectations and needs a reality check.

Ur husband needs a wake up call.

And why did he not do dishes???