I have a 2 ½ week old baby girl. The delivery was rough and even came home with a catheter for a week. I have only 3 weeks off from work instead of 6. I worked til she came and was even at work when I went into labor… My husband is being a butt because I didn’t get to the dishes today. And it’s not like I chose not to do them. I didn’t even have a chance to make me something to eat today or even take a shower cause she was fussy and wanting to attention or fed. My question is…how many of you ladies struggled to do house work with a newborn by yourself??? He tried telling me many women are able to without help. I just want to see if majority of you ladies were able to take care of things, needed help, or just couldn’t get to it by yourself. Thanks ladies.
I have a baby that will be 3 weeks tomorrow…. How do I manage? My husband helps… if dinner needs to be cooked and I’m busy with the baby… he does it. If the washing needs to be done…. He does it. If the dishes need to be done… he does it. You know why? Because I’ve just had a baby, I’m sore, the baby needs my attention and this is the only way he can help out with the baby at this point in time as baby is breast fed and I’m his sole source of food
Tell him many women have a husband who help.
I’m so sorry you are dealing with that right off the bat. Babies are big adjustments for everyone, even dad, but that doesn’t mean he gets to be a jerk. Calmly express to him your delivery was rough and validate something he may be going through (“I know it’s been rough for you too since the baby has been born”) but let him know under no circumstances are you going to be made to feel bad for slacking off during your recovery, and you won’t make him feel bad for being a jerk.
My kids are school age and I’m struggling to work study and stay on top of the house. You have just had a baby. He can do the dishes. It won’t kill him I promise.
It’s maddening that it takes 2 people to make a baby, yet as Mothers we endure SO much! We carry our babies, deal with the changes that come with pregnancy/ postpartum, endure the worst pain ever, adjust to life with a new baby which puts us as mothers last pretty much for the rest of your life bc your child always comes first. Go without showers, sleep, food, etc etc… yet while doing the bulk of everything still being held to the standard of needing to do it all. It’s impossible and enraging to be held to a perfect standard, that doesn’t exist. I am a single mother of 4, and mostly I get stuff done and other times dishes don’t get done for 2 days and I’m behind 7 loads of laundry and haven’t showered for 3 days. When mine were newborns some days existed of just survival and baby snuggles and sore breasts.
I’m so sorry you even had to hear that from your husband. You have a new baby and are adjusting. Let the dishes pile up. Enjoy your baby and whenever you are able do something for you, even if it’s a 4 minute shower or 10 minutes of resting. You did all the work to bring your baby into this world, remind him of that. Never forget you are important too and will do amazing
He can’t f right off. If he is bothered by the gd dishes he can clean them. You literally have created a human being and that is the priority. All women struggle (even with spouses) because it’s hard and it requires adjusting to a new person who’s new to living outside of you. You will get back on track but baby comes first . He should ask how you are how’s baby and what can he do to help YOU not whine about things. You are going to be great .
This sets my teeth on edge. Reach out to family and friends and see if anyone can come help or visit. He’s being unreasonable and inappropriate. Shame on him for real and I hope he can grow up real quick. You shouldn’t be in this alone and those dishes can wait………for him. To come home. And WASH THEM. You took care of his child all day, he’ll be alright.
My husband took off 6 weeks of work when I had my baby (unpaid!…we saved forever)
just to make sure he was home to take care of me and the house and our other son. I’m a stay at home mom but he knew I would need help and my main focus was to rest and take care of babe. You deserve help!
When I tell you I would be in jail …. I am so sorry you are going though this
That’s not good😔 my husband would get off of a 12 hour shift and immediately get home and take the baby or help out around the house. You didn’t make the baby alone. So he can do them or take the baby so you can.
I am so sorry you are going through this. My first one had colic for 4 months and I thought I would lose my mind. Hard to do anything. You must feel so exhausted. I did. Perhaps a relative can come over so you can rest. Wish you didn’t have to return to work so soon. Please if you have any friends, relatives or can afford help get it. Many people won’t knowyou need help unless you ask. Wish your husband was more supportive. I used to tell my husband I wish I could work and he stay home. Big hugs and take care of yourself.
I’d tell him it won’t happen again and he’d come home to all plastic wear. No more dirty dishes in my sink.
I went through the same things years ago. I just had a baby but was still expected to do everything. Your husband needs to step up and help you instead of getting pissed off
I am so sorry you are going through that. You can tell him that many women have husbands that help. Mine always stepped in whenever I needed & still does even though our kids are bigger. He’s showing no compassion for his own wife & that is really concerning.
He needs to pull his finger out and help you. We don’t live in 1920s anymore, it’s all equal.
You have just had a baby & they take up so much of our time in those first few weeks! Don’t feel bad mumma!
I have 3 kids & I work! My youngest is (11 months old) and there are days I don’t get stuff done! We aren’t miracle workers!
I would like to see him look after the baby 24/7 and do everything around the house.
Are his hands broken? Because if they’re not then he is perfectly capable of doing the dishes himself. In no way should you feel bad about not getting to the dishes. I’ll leave the rest of my comments out of it.
Maybe he is jealous so he is putting you down. Can you hire a hire a housekeeper for a bit? Or a nanny? You don’t deserve such disrespect. Take care of yourself mama.
This makes my brain hurt. Instacart from Costco and get paper plates and plastic utensils. Then when he comes home and complains, put the baby down for a nap and help him pack his things.
You have got to be kidding me! I won’t use the words I am thinking for him but I don’t think that’s acceptable even without a baby! Granted everyone heals differently but I am 6 months post-partum with my 3rd and am still having issues on top of hormones and oh you know… keeping the tiny humans I created alive, fed and happy all day. For your sake I seriously hope he just had a bad day and misdirected his frustration out on you. I know I have been guilty of this myself. If this is a normal occurrence, he sounds like a selfish self-entitled man-child who should go move back in with his mommy. God forbid he do a few extra chores or have to make any inconvenient changes after what you’ve just been through. Sack up, be a kind, caring, empathetic husband like you should be and take one for the team bro!
Tell him you didn’t make the baby on your own, definitely didn’t make all the dishes on your own and didn’t ask his opinion on what should be accomplished in a day with a newborn. Not only should he be helping but until he pushes a child out of his body he doesn’t get to complain.
Sorry your going through that. I had 4 and never had a problem getting my stuff done because they all slept most of the time when they was newborn.I don’t see why if your having problems getting stuff done why doesn’t he help you and not be hateful about stuff.best of luck to you I hope things gets better for you.
Why the hell can’t he do the dishes?
It takes 2-7 Years to recover post partom. You are still barely home. 2 weeks is not that long! Around 2 weeks I’d say you are feeling better and hopefully more awake but no where near being able to do all the things again. It’s just dishes. He is more than capable to do them. I had help for a week after and then for maybe 2 more weeks 3 all together with smaller things
I’m 12 weeks post partum and some days can barely get anything done! Fussy baby, clingy not letting me put him down, never even got changed myself, spit up on me, dishes from the night before bc I was too tired and said I’ll do the the next day, the list goes on. My husband will come home from being gone all day, and the first thing I do is apologize for not getting anything done. You know what he says? “Hunny it’s ok, you did do something today. You took care of our baby. That’s more important than anything else right now.” He will then go clean dishes and whatever else he may see that needs attention, takes the baby for me to have a few minutes to get a shower and a few minutes to myself, and either helps me with dinner, orders out, or will cook something for us. I am blessed to have the man I do. But that’s the difference between him and others that complain. A man vs a boy. It takes a village to raise a child, even in the olden days, neighbors and parents would travel to help a new mom. It’s not easy and definitely not right for him to be complaining when what your doing is far more difficult than working.
I could handle most things on my own with all my newborns, but not everything. Not everything was done in a timely manner. And my husband did help when he could. I also had easy deliveries and insomnia so minimal sleep wasn’t a problem. Regardless, you are taking care of you, someone who’s body just went though an extreme trauma, as well as a new life. It will take awhile for ALL of you to adjust to your new normal. So even if 90% of women could easily handle a newborn and have a spotless house every day, that doesn’t matter. He needs to adjust to your guys new reality. It isn’t about other women. Its about you. If you are struggling it doesn’t mean you arent a good mother or wife, it means you are struggling. But the fact that you are struggling and your husband’s solution isn’t to help, but to criticize, makes him a bad husband. At least in this instance. Because I could guarantee if he went and got a vasectomy, then handed a fussy newborn and told to make sure the house is clean by the end of the day, it wouldn’t happen and while a vasectomy is painful, its not the same trauma. Pregnancy and birth affect your stomach, your muscles, your uterus, your vagina (even if you have a c section), your bladder, your hormones, your brain chemistry, your breasts etc.
I am a single mom. Of 3. My youngest is almost 2 months old. It was super hard at first to manage. We just now have a routine. But thankfully my oldest is almost 12. She is a great help. Don’t be to hard on yourself. Breath. You will find your routine.
Depends on the labor and delivery… My eldest I was basically useless for the first couple of weeks home… my daughter I tried but even then I didn’t go at full capacity and I just gave birth to my third and I’ll be honest expectations are low for the first month there is a reason women typically get 4-6 weeks off it’s not a vacation your body is adjusting to a whole bunch of things right now
You just birthed a whole human being , who gives a flying f about dishes ?! I had no time for anything when all mine were new borns , I’ll be damned if their father ever came home and got mad at me over dishes not being done. He had two feet and a heartbeat and I’m worrying about taking care of this new life we brought into this world . He can do the dishes if he’s that worried about them ! Be easy on yourself the first few months you’re adjusting to a whole new world of juggling everything !
My Mom helped the first 90 days. Your hubby is a duesch Bag!! The first month is very rough.
I’d throw every dish away because I’d be so angry by that comment!!! My partner gets up with baby at night, takes her the second he gets home from work, washes dishes/bottles, washed pump pieces when I was pumping, tries to cook, etc. so there’s NO excuse. Voice your concerns, wait for a change, if there isn’t one maybe counseling? Or kick him to the curb!
My fiance took 3 weeks off with our first and 2 weeks off with our second. I struggled to get on a routine when we had our first. He usually works out of town from monday to thursday so i was alone those days and he wanted to make sure i was ok before he left again so he helped for those weeks let me sleep when baby slept and when i did feel like doing the cleaning or cooking he was 100% baby duty. When our second came he took over caring for our daughter till the routine was set, would again let me sleep or take baby so i could just be with our daughter. Did we fight those weeks? Yes and sometimes i felt like i was alone? Yes but its a lot to bring a baby home and although my births were amazingly easy and quick you feel like your body is just running on empty no matter what you do it takes time
Best i keep my mouth shut
Tell him to go duck himself… you do the best you can in taking care of what you can… his hands aren’t broken. He’s supposed to be your partner not a man child.
Your husband is wrong! I am sorry you don’t have a good support system right now. Especially with so little time at home with your newborn. He should be doing everything he can to let you heal and bond with your baby over the next few weeks.
Ahh he has hands too, why can’t he help put and do them??
My granddaughter is 2 and my daughters body is still trying to get back to normal witch it probably never will I’ve been helping her and if your man’s not helping you now he never will hate to say it but been there done that it takes a certain kind of man and he doesn’t sound like he is hope you find the help you need
He can easily do them to whether he worked all day or not. Taking care of a newborn is work too especially if you are still recovering. Tell him to get use to it. 2 .5 years later and as much as I try my house is not the same pre baby. Tell him to suck it up .
Many women are able to without having to hire help yes. Did he eat off any of those dishes? They are his dishes too and unless both of his arms are broke he can be a decent husband and do dishes, he can fix you something to eat while he’s at it! Newborns require a lot of attention, new moms are going through big changes. Your body has been through heck. It will get easier but for the first 3 months it’s a huge adjustment. Is he usually such a butt?
I still to this day with two sons 3yrs old and almost a 2 year old don’t always get to the dishes or cleaning the house. Being a stay at home when my second was born. My other half will help an my hard days or say no big deal. All he cares about is that his boys are taken care of and are loved. I’m sorry but that is complete BS! Just to show you don’t care don’t do them tomorrow either.
He needs to stop complaining and help you do the dishes, just because you’re on maternity leave doesn’t mean you’re responsible for everything, maternity leave isn’t a break or vacation it’s very draining. He needs to get off his butt and help you!
I’m sorry your husband is an asshole. My ex husband did all the housework and when he went back to work, he still came home and made me food and tidied up. You deserve better
Don’t take that… 2 weeks is so new! If you don’t get to the dishes that’s fine! Do what you can do when you can do it! Adjusting to this new life is hard! I am 5 months post Pardum and I’m still figuring things out! It takes time and you need love and support… not criticism!
Because he can’t get up and do them himself? He’s a big boy. So what? Dishes didn’t get done. He can do it or he can try being home alone with a newborn trying to get everything done. If he thinks it’s “So easy” he can do it it takes more than 2 weeks to get into a rhythm with the baby and daily chores.
You can try and talk to him but if he is going to continue to act that way I promise you it’s not who you want to continue to have more children with. I understand you love him but some men are not capable of understanding what a mother needs nor the mother of his child. If it doesn’t change now it will never change and as a woman and mother who loves him you deserve just as much love and respect as you especially with a brand new baby. How he acts now is your future with him.
I would tell him to do what you do for a day and see how he feels about not eating or getting everything done. He needs to help you too as it dud take the two of you to conceive tge baby (you grew tge baby and birthed tge baby). It takes time to adjust your new life, I know I sure did after each of my kids and I have 4. My partner thought it would be good to have his mother here with us fir my last 2 kids. Wrong she hates me and just caused more stress. She did not clean or cook just took my older kids to school. She told his brother and his wife that they needed to come to our place on the Saturday which I came home tge Thursday night. I had an 18 month old, a new born and two in primary school.
Some days were a complete write off. They were too fussy, too needy, I couldn’t move. Somedays I would just give up. He sounds like he needs a whack around the head and a talking to about the reality of being a mum! My kids are school age and I still get behind on everything. You need a village. Even though we never get one.
Tell him to take quit work and have the baby full time and you go back work let’s see how he copes with a newborn, and the house is not just your house it’s both of yours so why can’t he do the dishes it should be team work xc
The first month is hard! If you BOTH work even though you’re on leave, he should put in work at home too!! It is hard to get things done some days may be harder like when the baby has been fussy all day, he needs to understand that. If he can’t you need to explain it to him
He’s crazy. I was hardly mobile at two weeks. You on leave for the baby, everything else comes last. He needs to help you as babies are a job on their own.
It’s rearly anything to do with the house work. Sit him down and see what you guys can work out he is probably struggling aswell and not coping it’s hard on both parents having a newborn and the man is generally overlooked in the sympathy department.
Ok, so many women ARE able to without help… Here is the thing though… They take care of the baby first, the other stuff comes later and that’s ok, so tell him that. And tell him if he doesn’t like it then he can do them himself or get over it until you do
He is being a butt big time you just got home pretty much your tired and a new born requires a lot of attention so what if u didn’t get the dishes done one day there is always the next day while the baby is napping if he wanted them done why didn’t he do them when you was attending to the baby or why didn’t he attend to the baby while u washed the dishes . If he doesn’t wanna help you then he can’t expect your to do everything right now. He needs to chill out or you may need to get smart and move on if all he is going to do is try and boss your around and not put forth no effort.
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this- it’s absolutely not ok to be made to feel like that. He should be stepping up, not just right now but for ever - he’s a dad and husband and we’re not in the 1920’s now! It should be a partnership! please don’t put up with this disgraceful behaviour x
Umm with all do respect there is not a woman I have met who hasn’t had some type of help…at least the Ines I have met either have had a friend or family member or their spouse…I am blessed to have my spouse help but let me tell you it wasn’t always that way…it wasn’t until he jad to take care of the baby on his own (I stepped out for the day) & he went through it himself for him to realize how hard it is
So in your spouses mind many eo.an do it well hats off to them but you amhave a spose therfore he is your backbone lives in the same hime and shld help pick up etc as you didn’t make the baby by yourself…sorry didn’t mean to sound rude if I did
Tell him many actual men would just do the dishes themselves especially more so when the mother of his child is looking after there new born. If he doesn’t like seeing the dishes go wash them up.
Go tell him to kick rocks. Like honestly, why do men think we are just supposed to do everything whether you’ve had a child or not. You worry about that baby. If the dishes are still there tomorrow or next weekend it will be OK. If he wants them done, ask him to help out, otherwise, you’ll try and get to them tomorrow.
Noone gets it all done 2 weeks postpartum alone. I have choice words for that nonsense!
Many women are NOT able to do it without help… they don’t have help so they literally have no other choice but to take care of their baby… and then they fall into depression and go crazy and the man doesn’t realize until it’s too far gone… then… then?? She’s “crazy” we “lost our marriage” no… NO! This is the problem… men laid down and made the baby and expect the mother to raise the baby bc they work and pay the bills… BUT if we choose to do that and go to work will the man stay home and take care of the baby? No… they will expect us to find daycare and this that… babygirl I can go on and on… you had a HUMAN 2 weeks ago… period… if he doesn’t understand that and only focuses on what you didn’t do… time to make a hard decision.
He has hands. He can wash them and leave you alone.
Most house work doesn’t get done around our house until both parents are home so one can take care of the kid(s) while the other gets chores done
Wow what a p***k!!! Sorry but that’s absolutely out of order!!!
Everyone struggles and especially jsit after giving birth it’s hard to get around!!! They even tel you not to do too much because you can do damage!!
I have. 6 nearly 7 year old and a 2 and a half year old and even I struggle with my 2 and a half year old at home! She just messes up soon as I clean etc it’s hard and that’s what makes me absolutely drained everyday because I’m trying to run around cleaning and she’s trashing it straight after…
Don’t listen to your husband! You clean the cleaning and take your time you’ve jsit given birth for crying out loud!! Sit down and relax, take your time! Leave it! If he doesn’t like them there then he will have to do it, it won’t harm him to do them!
I had to call friends and family constantly to help me do basic household tasks even once my daughter got older. I still call up friends and family if I’m struggling. There’s no reason why you should be doing it by yourself. You need help. Every new mom needs help even if she’s 5th baby in. You’re husbands being an ass.
Yeah no my husband helped out a lot and still does with housework and everything. And why shouldn’t he, it’s his place and his child also. If yours wants the dishes done he is more than capable of doing them. And if he is acting like this now it’s probably only gonna get worse. You need to sit down and have a serious talk with him about how he needs to step up and do things and not expect you to do it all.
You shouldn’t have to ask him to help, he should see the need. I hope your situation improves. Please take care of yourself and ask for help when you need help.
I am a single Mom so I didn’t have a choice. I just put myself and the baby on a routine and kept up with dishes, laundry etc as it came so I didn’t end up with a pile or mess. I also asked friends for help when needed.
If he has the energy to be mad, then he has the energy to do the dishes… From now on
You tell him that he needs to pull his head out of his a$$ and quick. Who does he think he is? I would have lost my mind if my husband had the balls to do this to me.
Tell him to do the bloody dishes himself if it’s that big of a deal!!! What an absolute bloody arsehole!!!
Nope he’s in the wrong it’s hard just taking care of a baby! He needs to help out
He has to be mad about something else and just took it out after seeing the dishes because that’s petty and childish
It doesn’t matter who or who doesn’t struggle. Every person and circumstance is different. He could do the dishes. If he isn’t willing to help, run.
He should shut up and help out.
My ex was the same way.
Wouldn’t even load a dishwasher/ lift a finger to cook or clean.
I sure hope ur situation does not get worse.
Yeah, that’s just him being a dick. How are you ever going to take care of the baby, if you don’t take care of you too momma! Eat little snacks through the day. Cheese n crackers, veggie and dip. You matter tell him you need a cleaning service for a week or two. Then see what’s complaining about next.
Eew. He sounds inconsiderate as hell. If it’s that big of a deal to him then he should’ve just jumped in and did them himself.
Wow. I’m sorry to say it. But he’s being a total Ass.
Are his arms broke? Congratulations on your twins!
He sounds wonderful. Bye boy
He can wash his own dishes
Brenton Glossop good thing the dishwasher does a lot of our dishes lol
I just came to say, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww
My grandmother came over and helped me.
Put him out with the next trash pickup.
Tell him to do it, and then he can make you dinner!
I’d tell him to help out or get out
I would kick the lazy ass out, he should be helping out, obviously he has no respect for you, and all that you have gone through
Only 3 wks off w/complications? If your employer’s company is big enough then you’re covered by FMLA.
Divorce. After kids it doesn’t get any better if this is how he’s acting now
It isn’t an easy job. Tell him to switch places or help out. He lives there too and he helped make the baby. If you call yourself a man , than step up and be a man!!!
Tell him to take a day off and do it all himself and see how he goes
Tell him to shove it up his ass. If he wants the dishes done then he can use his hands that he was born with and do them.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this crap.
I’m a single mum have been since day dot, bub is almost 20 months now and my house is a disaster. He’s a grown ass man and is more than capable of doing some dishes
Many women husbands help them post partum even take paternal leave!
If you accept this now you’re looking at a life in hell!!
See, this why those critical conversations must happen before marriage!
ask this butt head if he would dare to complain to his mother he may get an ear full he didn’t want
It takes a village to raise a kid. Not just one person
Dosent matter how hard or easy the birth was your husband is a dick. You just gave birth to a baby. It’s hard work
What an insensitive, thoughtless, ignorant lout.
Chuck him in the bin and get yourself a better one.
Tell him he can suck his own d!€k without help
The home and baby is his as well… he needs to understand that as a partnership and not ownership. Home and baby is just as much his responsibility as it is yours and if he continues to get mad over small things and not step up then it will never change. That’s very narcissistic behavior on his part and you and baby don’t need to deal with that emotional and mental abuse. I have PTSD from a previous relationship I was in for almost 7 years because I thought the kids needed us together and that I had to deal with the abuse. I became someone I never wanted to be and lost most of who I used to be. It’s been close to 5 years since I left and I’m now married to a very amazing man who treats me the way I deserve and who loves my kids as his own. He has supported me through all of my problems and encouraged me to get counseling. He has never called me a name, belittled me or yelled at me or cussed at me. He loved me at my absolute worst and he deserves me at my best. Please… don’t stay with your SO if he continues to get mad about things that are his responsibility as well. You are worth so much more and that baby deserves a happy and healthy mama.