Kids. Come. First!!!
There are a lot of options for him. He can get therapy, counseling, parenting classes, special needs parenting groups
Or he can run if he wants
How is it even a choice. If the one option is my child, there is no other option.
Y is this even a question? 
u choose your daughter! Own up to whatever part u play in your daughterâs issues as well.
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What choice? Let him go. Family isnât only when stuff is happy and going good.
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There is nothing to think about help him pack his crap and load it into the car for him! No man would ever expect this or even give the mother of his children this choice. Heâs not worth calling a husband nor a father period!
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Your flesh and blood child is forever
Speaking from experience You choose your daughter first. My mom put me first every timeâŚShe saved me
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Is this a serious question??? Genuinely curious!!! You are actually debating between your child and a man??? Are you for real⌠grow the f up and be the mother your daughter (and other children) deserves!!!
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The fact you even question this is awful. Your child always comes over anyone!
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Placement for her??? He needs a new place. When he threatened to call it off you should of let him.
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maybe he the reason she needs help.
Id tell HIM bye bye
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The fact you even have to ask this is sad. I wish I could take your daughter in and give her help so you can put yourself first bc thatâs clearly what youâre doing. The hell with a man. If he was a true man and cared then he would have your back and get your child help before even worrying about yalls personal feelings. That child comes first or else you need to not be a parent.
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You always pick your kids. I donât see the issue here?
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Your children ALWAYS come first. No reason to think about it. Tell him to go if he canât handle it
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Choose your fkn child thatâs shouldnât even be a question
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Your daughter because she NEEDS her mom and her moms guidance and help. 
husband doesnât NEED guidance.
And I do mean that in a helpful way because I feel like you came genuinely came here needing some help and are feeling lost and the âwhy is this even a questionâ arenât helpful when you are already are struggling
Let him go. If he canât handle the stress now whatâs he going to do when all the other kids are teens?
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Daughter. He should step up as a step father
Eeww you donât deserve children if you think you have to choose between a child and a man
You need some serious help if you are questioning this
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No man will EVER come before my kids. PERIOD.
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You ALWAYS chose your child, every single time.
Your husband could get some one on one therapy, a hobby, or a trash bag to pack himself in. He chose to enter your lives. You are 5 years into a relationship and married 6 months and NOOOWWW he doesnât know if he can do it? My only advice is to buy a dumpster so he can go live in a place that suits his personality and commitment levels.
I feel sorry for your daughter because youâve clearly already chosen your husband.
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Placement where!? You need to get to the root of her problems. And if that means he leaves then kick his ass to the curb if he canât show some support.
Kick him too the curb
What will ge do if one of his children will be a challenge ?? Walk? Then help him out pack his bags for him
First of all HUGS!!! Second your husband knew what he was getting into when he married you. He seen what was going on and still chose to marry you. Maybe your husband needs counceling on his own so he can work through what he is feeling. Iâm sure it is overwhelming for him as it is for you. Maybe see if you can have a family member keep your daughter for a weekend so you and your husband can have some alone time. Mental illness takes its toll on everyone. I pray your daughter gets the help she so much needs⌠prayers!
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Your children should and will always come first. Let him go if itâs too much for him.
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You will ruin any relationship you could possibly have with your daughter and will ruin her.
If ANYONE is making you choose between them and your child, you pack their stuff for them.
Your family will probably do better without him.
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Your kids comes first. He is probably using that as an excuse because he may be seen someone else already
Kids come first, ALWAYS! Canât believe this is even a question
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I feel like a lot of these comments are really harsh without knowing full context. In my opinion, itâs more than just your husband leaving. Has she always been this way? You have multiple children. Is she a danger to them? Are they at risk of being injured, or at risk of PTSD for her behavior? Is he pulling extra to protect the little kids? Are they suffering because of her? I feel like itâs a lot easier pointing fingers and judging than asking the real questions. These people donât live your life. They donât experience what you guys do. Iâve lived it watching my sisters 1 out of the 3 girls I lived with being taken away because of erratic behavior/ mental health issues and seriously abusive and my parents relationship being STRAINED a/f because of it. The rest of us werenât being properly taken care of because of it. She was a danger to myself and my other sisters. It was the best thing my mom did. Now that we are older we all get along so well. We talk every day. Just think long and hard and weigh ALL your options and take ALL lives youâre responsible for into account. Donât be intimidated by these comments. I hope you figure it out mama.
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Shocked that you need strangers to tell you to choose your daughter tbh.
Not a chance in hell any man would ever come before my children regardless of if and how long we had been married. I am a mum before I am anything else.
If a man asks you to choose between him and your own child, you pack his shit for him 
and same goes vice versa as well.
You absolutely have to choose, and itâs always your kids!!!
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Your daughter probably already feels secluded and alone. Dont make her feel worse. He is an adult and acting selfish and childish.
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Why is this question even being asked? YOUR CHILDREN OVER ANYONE!
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Itâs not even a question, if he canât handle it, thatâs on him and he should gođ¤ˇđźââď¸ but thatâs YOUR CHILD you never pick someone over your kid.
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U r a horrible mother how r u going to chose a man over ur own child have u ever thought she is behaving like this bc of u and how does it make her feel that u r willing to place her somewhere else bc he canât deal with it DO BETTER NOW
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Wtf. Let him go. Thatâs your daughter. As someone whoâs mother chose a man over her own kids when I was a teenager, it is damaging. Your kids should always come first. REGARDLESS.
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Any advice?!? Choose your damn child
Your children always come first. How is this even a question??
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If this man truly loves you he will support you and comfort you. Youâre doing all you can do to help your daughter and obviously donât need the stress from him being unsupportive.
You choose your kids first. ALWAYSSSS. Regardless of what theyâre going thru, you are their parent and they need you. Your husband needs to buck up and if he canât be there 100% for your children he needs the boot.
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I think if you have to choose, thatâs the real problem. It shouldnât even be a question, kids ALWAYS come first.
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Kids first always !! Marriage is for better or worse and If he loves you he would be finding a way to try and help instead of running away this isnât high school itâs adult hood face your problems head on and set an example for the children that sometimes life is tough but we are tougher and will prevail !!! But if it comes down to it and he makes you choose Iâd say donât let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya !!! 
best of luck to you 
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Choose your daughter, she is screaming for help obviously. A real man never makes a woman choose between her child or their relationship. Heâs either in or heâs in the way.
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Iâm literally in the same situation amd you and your daughter but my partner and I have known eachother 15 years been together 4 have a baby not married.my son is the same heâs adhd and odd in weekly therapy on meds the odd is hard Iâm too soft my fiance is hard the cops had came and they basically said if my son isnât listening or respecting my fiance can intervention since heâs tougher but I feel bad but that bad I feel ends up making me a doormat. They fight so much I feel torn the officer says yes he has a behavior problem but still needs consequences n non of ours is working.the officer said they can take him in to scare him but Iâm afraid he will resisit n God forbid how these cops are I donât want anything bad to happen to him
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His vows didnât mean much to him if heâs ready to walk away from a marriage bcus of this,heâs suppose to help you work through issues!For better or for worse!
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Choose your daughter
You do have to choose- the wise choice is choose your child. He put you in the position to âhave to chooseâ
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Hmm⌠man who says he canât deal with the stress of children, two which he made a commitment to when marrying you and two he helped make and wants to run like a coward, or child who is obviously having an extremely hard time in life and needs her mother.
Why is this even a question? 
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How is this even a question?
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Sounds like your daughter really needs you right now, he will be fine on his own.
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Uh what are ya gonna do with her. Throw her out? Sheâs 14 lol. Why is this even a question⌠youâre a trash mom
Tf kinda question is this?? Iâll take the kid and you can stay married cause if you even have to ask the question wether or not you should have to choose between âmanâ or childâŚThat child is already screwed!
You kinda pissed me off at âthereâs no placement for herâ
You already choseâŚ
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Release him with love. Help him put together a great place that is peaceful and safe for him and your other children. Co-parent beautifully⌠be a couple without living together. You canât be expected to chooseâŚbut you also canât expect someone to live in the prison of insanityâŚespecially if he is at risk of having allegations made that could cost him his freedom and life⌠You have to think about what is best for everybody.
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Wth. This is your child. It should never matter how long you have known a person and Compare to your own child. Grow up. Your child needs you more.
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Idk how this is even a topic ⌠your kids are your kids for life⌠and whatever is going on with her ? Iâm sure yoir bs has contributed to it âŚsorry to say it âŚif you are asking yourself this question you need to reevaluate your parenting skills .
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Kick his ass to the curbe. No man should make you choose between him and your child!!! What the hâŚ
Let him go. You either grow together or you grow apart.
Maybe space is what everyone needs.
If itâs meant to be he will get his space and come to his senses.
I went through this (not as bad, she was starting to get depressed) as well. I chose my daughter. She is thriving now. Thatâs all that matters.
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You seriously are having to ask who to choose??? Youâre child should always come first before anything else
Daughter, sheâs YOUR daughter, he knew this coming in, not her fault. Choose your kids mama, they have no one else on this planet but you.
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If you have to choose between your kids and husband, ALWAYS choose your kids because yo husband ainât helpless. Yo kids, however, are helpless. Yo kids need you more than he does. Plus, if you have to choose between him and your kids, he ainât the one. Why the hell is this even a question in the first place? Itâs not rocket science. 
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No brainer ⌠your children come first.
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Is there really a choice??? YOUR DAUGHTER COMES FIRST⌠PERIOD!
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Let him go if he is not man enough to handle it. He knew before yâall got married.
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So what would you do with your daughter if you didnât choose her? Give her up for adoption? This post is odd. Mothers shouldnât even have to question if we choose our children. Because we always should. Maybe you should give her a better life and replace yourself with a better mother.
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You think that child has some issues now⌠Imagine picking a man over her tf
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I have twins 14yo and its not easy but would be a easy choice for me because my kids are my life and they come first. Thats me. Duno what to tell u, its hard but if hes no willing to be married due to problems w kids, by Felicia
Unless sheâs a physical danger to you guys she needs you to stick by her through this. This is the time she needs you most. Thereâs a saying that people who need the most love ask for it in the most unloving way.
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Um why would you pick a man over your own child? Your children should always come first!
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As a girl whose own mother never chose her hereâs a piece of advice if you decide that a man is more important than your child she will hate you for the rest of her life. I was also a child who had mental health issues and after getting the right meds, and therapy I can say I now have a good life I am in a great relationship and have a daughter of my own, and guess what since my mother chose men over me she doesnât get to see my child 
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I read the first line and instantly gave zero fcks about anything else you had to say. I mean how dare you even think who to choose. If your kids were ever to read this Iâm pretty sure youâd hurt them A WHOLE a lot. Who even tries to decide between your children or a man? Poor babies.
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Id have issues too if I had a mother questioning this. Doesnât sound like a household a child should be growing up in.
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As someone that has been where your daughter is currentlyâŚYOU PICK HER ! Why ? Because she needs you ! She also needs her supposed step dad too ! If he isnât man enough to deal with what your daughter is going through and let me tell you. She is going through a lot. And she will.be seeing and feeling his emotions and that will kick her off even more ! Both my mum and dad stuck by me ! They fought for me ! They caused enough scene to make placement! To make sure I had everything I needed. Seems like your just being a push over and not fighting for her. And you know what. She will see that and be like. Why should I fight too ! If my mum isnât then I wonât.
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Always choose your children if it comes to that. Heâs showing his true colors. Why would you wants a man that says he canât take being a father
You should pick your kids everytime
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Your daughter is struggling and youâre asking if you should give up on her to help your husband feel less stress and anxiety?! Why are his feeling valid and worth abandoning your kid over but hers are not? My heart breaks for your daughter. Perhaps sheâs struggling because she knows this is how you feel. Kids deserve love and support from their parents no matter how hard things get. Honestly you sound like the issue here
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He may just be overwhelmed and not know what to do, but heâs an adult he can work through his own feelings. Your daughter on the other hand needs you, have you had her checked to see what antidepressants would work for her? I tried suicide multiple times as a teen and found out as an adult the medications they had me on would never work for me because of my genetics and actually made me have the breakdowns in the first place. Has your daughter had a full psych evaluation to see what theyâre truly treating? I hope she has a breakthrough soon, Iâll be praying for you and your family. Message me if you need someone to talk to
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Why would that even be a question your child comes first. He is a grown man that child is something you created
Choose your daughter every time
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Sheâs your daughter. The fact you are placing blame on her tells me 2 thingsâŚyou are either in an abusive relationship and canât see it or you are a crappy parent. Maybe your daughter and husband are not the issue. Give your child some love. My goodness 
The fact you are even thinking about picking between the two is insaneâŚ. That is your child. No man, no matter what is going on with your child, should be chosen over a child. And a man who makes you question this? Is not worth keeping around.
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First off always choose your kids first! BUT I will say it sounds like you have a child that need ALOT of attention and help! Thatâs OK, have you ever asked him to go to therapy or counseling to maybe help him understand! I donât rhino itâs fair for him to almost call off the wedding bc of her when yall have already been together 5 yrs! If he couldnât do it he wouldnât have been there this long! Maybe he needs a break. Qe all do
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If you donât choose your child then YOU are the problem.
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You ALWAYS pick your kids 
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Choose your daughter. Every. Single. Time.
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Always choose your (minor, with issues) daughter. Is this serious? He canât handle it, then let him go. What is the alternative? Stay with him and give her away? I donât even understand
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You are asking this why? Your kids come FIRST! But you are probably like your needs to get met âŚno your daughter needs you no matter how she is she needs you âŚyou are supposed to a be a mother wtf is wrong with you? I think you need therapy more than your daughterâŚhaving a mom like you i would be upset as well. Smh kids should be your 1st priorityâŚlet him goâŚgeez âŚthat poor girl if you have to ask this then maybe you should let someone take care of her that will put her needs above theirsđ because apparently your needs matter more than your daughterâs
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Always choose your childâŚmen can be replaced your children canât
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Daughter.
Your daughter is first.
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I read the first line and that was enough for me. You seriously need help. Who the fu** ask if they should pick a man over their children. But it sounds like she would be better off with out you and have a REAL MOM if you can even ask such a question. I love my husband so so much and he is the most amazing father Iâve ever known.But if he were to treat our children terrible I would walk away. Actually I would run TF away. If he was going to call off the wedding because of her and not try to help her and be her safe place then youâre pretty terrible to go head and marry the dude. I donât give a damn how long you have known him and been together. SMH. Youâre so selfish.
Why would you even have to ask� Who ever would pick a grown ass man over their own child is heartless and selfish.
Thatâs right. Throw your daughter away for a man that just wants to control you. You are a true loser.
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Raising kids is hard work, no matter what the circumstances are, but there should not be a question or doubt between choosing your child/children and a partner⌠if he canât handle it, goodbyeâŚ
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Never pick a man over your kids. No matter how difficult they are to handle, mine will always come first. Dump that loser
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CHILDREN FIRST. If you are even thinking about choosing a man over your daughter⌠hun your the one who needs help not her.
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By the way you described in details your current husband, it seems you already made up your mind who to choose. You birthed your daughter, how can you even give up your child? Why is your daughter in her current situations? Maybe because her family doesnât support, understand her? You said she has therapy and so is the family. Did you even mentioned to your therapist about your thought? It seems both you and your husband rely on professional interception rather than work as a family. I know itâs hard but will leaving your daughter solved the problem? Asked yourself, will you have peace of mind knowing you turn your back to your own child? Ask yourself would your husband do the same to his own child?
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That should never be a question you have to ask yourself. Your daughter is going through things and needs her mom there to support her⌠even if it is found to be difficult at times⌠your husband should have never put you a place where you felt the need to choose, thatâs so very fucked up.
Your daughter needs you he doesnât. I do wonder why you are pregnant again when you guys already had serious problems⌠kids are not toys
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Your daughter comes first get rid of him
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