Children ALWAYS a come first! There’s a reason your daughter is acting this way and it easily could be something to do with him. Focus on your daughter and your relationship with her and making her better and not your husband. He’s a big boy - he can’t handle there then there’s the damn door.
Always choose your daughter… I’m sorry but as a mother of a challenging child ADHD etc I can’t believe the question is even being asked?? Always a mother first…
You choose your child.
The fact that this is even a question is saddening. It seems like a cry for help & you just wanna get rid of her like a stray cat.
Shame on you!
My kids come before ANYONE or ANYTHING. Sounds like you need an upgrade in men.
How is this even a question. Like really!?
32 yrs with my wife she had a 12 yr old daughter that was hard to please and a 2 yr old son .Man up or GTFO simple as that .
There isn’t a friggin choice…. You better not turn your back on your DAUGHTER for a guy!
And thats when you call it quits and keep it moving.
Wow! With a mother like you know wonder that poor child is struggling. You should be ashamed of yourself. There should never be a choice because your child should always be number 1. Any man or woman that doesn’t like that need to kick rocks. I hope your daughter finds ppl that will actually live and support her cause you clearly don’t. Kick him out. Focus on the children you brought into this world. Invest in her. Tell him to whine and cry somewhere else cause doesn’t mean shit compared to what your babies need.
This shouldn’t even be a question. If you love your kids more than your husband you’d know
I don’t even know what to say to this…
You choose your child. It’s that easy.
He is weak. A real man will stay no matter what. This is a child it’s not some thing you can quit on bc its tough. So I’d quit the man
You choose your child baby girl, you choose her every time x
Get rid of him sees☺️plenty of fish in sea🤞🏽
Keep moving there’s no thrt about it obviously ur daughter comes first if he can’t deal then he doesn’t love you enough kick him to the curb
How are you even asking this that man has shown red flag after red flag… one by trying to call off the wedding and blaming your child and two now says he don’t think he can handle it as a father … he is already doing something he shouldn’t be and is just blaming the kids just let him go you will find someone who will love you and all your kids and won’t have these fake ass issues he is probably out messing around and instead of saying the truth using the kids as a excuse …
Why is this even a question
Seriously? Lady your kids come first. Period. If he can’t man up send him packing
Placement for her ? Wtf do you mean you are going to get rid of your daughter for your husband? I really hope this is a joke because if not that’s really freaking sad your kids always Come first no matter what
Your child always comes first. Y’all are a package deal always and forever.
My believe is “the person who puts you in a position to choose then that is the person you should lose”
Always choose your daughter not much you can do. Kids are not easy. Tell him it’s hard for you to but she is your child. If he wants to leave that’s on him. Your doing all that you can do. Just keep going no matter what. I know your pain . It hurts but when you have kids you sign up for the single life that goes with it. It’s not fun but a momma gotta do what a momma gotta do. Best of luck.
I have a son with an emotional disorder he is on meds and in therapy. His bonus dad has been there every step of the way no matter what the challenges are with him on the day to day. Yes we are human and it does get frustrating but he never has said he doesn’t want to be a family sounds like he needs to man up or go on somewhere. I will always chose my son first as would his bonus dad so this shouldn’t even be a question.
Get an annulment. Your child comes first always.
Annul the marriage and take care of your child. She needs you more.
You’re garbage for even asking if you have to choose. The choice is always your kids. In fact its not even a choice. If you feel there is a choice you shouldn’t have any kids. You going to give those ones up as well when they get hard?
The fact you’re even considering choosing him over your child is alarming, I’m wondering if that has added to the issues your child has. How horrible for your child.
This is absurd… thinking of finding a new placement for your child that you have raised is just crazy. Always choose your children I don’t care who it is. That is a 14 year old girl. As a woman you should sympathize with the crazy changes not only her body but her emotions are going through right now on top of her diagnosis.
There is no choice to make - children ALWAYS come first!
Your child always comes first. This shouldn’t even be a question. If he can’t man up and handle it then he isn’t someone you should want to be with period.
Most agree to pick the child but please get more help you have more children as well and this also affects them …
He’s a sorry excuse of a male, I won’t say man cause real men don’t even contemplate running, don’t let him go KICK HIM OUT! Your daughter is a child going through a hard time, there should be no question!
Children ALWAYS come first! That child needs you! Why is this even a question? I think you need counseling for yourself!
At the end of the day it isn’t your daughters fault. Some people can deal with it and some just can’t like your husband. Always do what’s best for your kids first sweetheart and you can never go wrong. The rest will follow and if not it wasn’t meant to be
If he can’t handle it he can’t handle. I don’t think that makes him weak. Men have limits to. So now that you know he can’t handle it ,walk away
choose your children
Always choose your child! Men come and go but your babies are forever. I couldn’t imagine abandoning any of my kids for a guy (not gonna say man because any real man wouldn’t put you in a position to choose.)
Children first. Always.
Always choose your kids. I don’t care how long I’ve known my Fiance. I will always choose my kids. And he’d do the same.
You need to be the advocate for her. No matter how hard it is. I’m sorry he can’t live up to his promise but don’t abandon her. Please
Is this even a question? Disgusting!
Never choose a man over your kids… He seems weak anyway wanting to bail. I apologize for being blunt I really do, but come on, did he think life was all hearts and flowers? He knew the situation before he committed and now He is overwhelmed and he wants to run and hide? pft… Let him be a coward and bail… Your daughter is your daughter for life…
You choose your child every time. It’s simple
If a man genuinely loves you he wouldn’t put you in a position where you have to choose between your kids and him.He knew what he was bargaining , u mentioned u guys knew each other for years.what is sad it sounds like you already made up your mind and you would actually choose your husband over your daughter just by you saying she almost ruin your wedding:triangular_flag_on_post:
Would placement be better for her? Either way I’d let the husband decide whatever he wants and continue to support your daughter. If you abandon her for some man that adds more trauma to an already fueled fire. You don’t have to choose between them. You can keep loving both and doing your best to make things work. If he can’t handle the heat he is more than capable of removing himself from the fire but sweetie you need to continue to sit in that fire with your daughter. That’s your duty as her mother. She needs you.
Any man worth having would never make you choose between himself and your child. You brought this child into the world. Your children always come first. This shouldn’t even be a question.
You choose your child
Sounds like she doesn’t have enough love from y’all. He knew what he was walking into when he married you. You can’t just get rid of your child for a man, that’s insane
Placement is not available ? Get it together idc that’s your child YOUR CHILD COMES FIRST YOU WILL BE FINE IF HE WANTS TO LEAVE LET HIM LEAVE I CANT IMAGINEEEEE YOU PICKING A MAN OVER YOUR CHILD
You don’t need him, but they do need you! The answer is clear!
You’re a parent first in this case… or maybe not bc you’re asking in the first place. Let’s see your choice is your minor child or a grown ass man. By the way he didn just come up with these feelings. You know what doesn’t help your teen is having an adult/parental figure that has such disdain for her and her mental health struggles.
Your child should always come first, period. You can always find a worthy partner who is willing to stay with you through the rough times, but your child is always going to be your child. It’s your duty as a parent to put your children above anyone else. Let him go without any hesitation if he is making you choose between him and your daughter.
Honestly not sure how this is even a question. You’re responsible for your child until she is 18. He is responsible for himself. If you’re considering g picking him you already have and that is sad for your children period. I told my husband, the father of all 4 of mine, from day one don’t ever make me choose between you and our kids cause you’re gonna miss us.
You’re so f…k up asking which one. Dumb a… it’s always yr kid . Your kid is yr kid always until I take yr last breath on this earth. N men comes n hoes theirs no mine there. Men r so replaceable but yr kids r not. You should get down on yr knees n beg God for even having these feelings. Thise kids are God blessings t you. Wake up . N make the right choice. Stand up n be there for your kids. N it seems very important keep yr legs close you can’t handle the kids u got r. In front of u . What makes u think u can pop these kids out like popcorn n don’t won’t t step up t the plate t take care of them .
I would never choose a man over my daughter regardless of how hard it is I always say if it’s too hard then there’s the door bringing children up is never easy but I wouldn’t change it for the world my kids are my life
You don’t have to choose you tell him to bugger off if he feels that wa
I don’t see why this is even a question. Your child always comes first. You don’t deserve your child.
The fact that this is even a question tho:triangular_flag_on_post:
Knowing him for 20 years doesn’t change the fact that’s your child
I cannot believe that this is an actual question. You choose your child. Always. Never choose a man over your children, and if he truly loved you, he wouldn’t make you choose. He would help in any way he can. He sounds immature. Your daughter needs you most right now, she is a child, these are problems that don’t just go away. You signed up for this when you got pregnant, now it’s time to be a parent and help your child. Grow up mom.
Honestly this sounds like if he questions your daughter what happens if issues a rise later in y’all’s daughter will he leave then? There’s many questions that can be asked here. However you chose your kids always. A man no a child in a grown adult that ask you to pick between your own blood you grew or them you chose your blood because no matter what that’s your child. If you chose your man so be it but understand you’ll have to explain that to your kids when you get older.
I can’t believe this Nia even a question!!! U always choose ur child
Where is the girls dad ? Did he bail too? This is why I don’t date men are cowards
I got divorced from my first child’s dad because it was very toxic. I didn’t want that for her. My now husband has a 14 year old daughter. When we discussed getting more serious, we both agree that if it became a situation where we had to pick between our relationship or our kids, we will always choose our kids. Flat out. Always pick your children before your partner. Is your relationship with your husband important? Yes. But your kids are more so. If you cannot work it out with your husband, choose your kids. Is it hard? Yes, absolutely. But your kids will thank you for it later. I hope you are able to work it all out. Hugs to you
Always choose your child. Something happened to me involving my mom’s boyfriend and she chose him over me and that’s one of many reasons we don’t have a relationship. Never choose a man over your own blood
If you have to choose between your husband and your child, what’s the question?
I’m sorry? I get things aren’t always black and white but as a mother and a daughter that needed in patient help for months/still needing assistance for my mental health im sorry but again, excuse me? Maybe I misunderstood but it sounded like you are CONTEMPLATING abandoning your 14 year old? MAYBE im just tired but holy crap I would kick your ass and give your children a place to stay. Your children need you now and always. If that wasn’t your plan maybe you shouldn’t have kept having children. Absolutely heart wrenching and I hope your kids the best. Screw the husband. The Absolute fuck
You’ve got to be kidding me
YOUR CHILD ALWAYS COMES BEFORE A MAN. PERIOD.
He can’t handle the stress then goodbye!
Always choose your children.
Also coming from someone who was in the system and in one place that was absolutely horrible placement is not always “better”.
I was not placed willingly my adopted mom was lied on and although i was at an age the state should have believed me they believed a teacher who made false accusations against my adopted mom. So instead i was placed in state care .
And trust me its not best (usually).
Not all places care.
No place is like home or like momma.
Even if she needed a placement it shouldn’t be decided because of a man regardless of who he is
Your husband should never put you in this position. He’s stressed?! Boohoo! Life is stressful! Marriage isn’t all Sunshine & rainbows . He certainly didn’t listen and take seriously his vows , “for better or worse” ready to run because he’s stressed … let him run !! My children are adults now but I told my husband(both my children’s father) in the beginning NEVER put me in a position to choose , I love you, but they are my heart and soul ! You will lose . Their is no choice EVER. My children come first always . We are still married 32 years. A good man will respect your love and devotion to your children. Your daughter needs you very much and if he’s threatening to leave sounds like you are getting a warning ! LET HIM GO. God bless you
My daughter has similar issues I have been with my boyfriend a little over a year her dad is not in the picture due to being a Alcoholic and having mental issues his self my boyfriend has been by my side and my daughter’s that’s when I knew he was a keeper and we both do what we can do to help her and it’s not easy for either of us my job as a mother is to help her and this Wonderful man is there ever step of the way ! That being said it could be a safety issues for the other kids she may be a Danger to her self and others so she may have Worded this wrong .you pick what is best for your daughter and her safety and the safety of the other kids Involved prayers and hugs sent I hope your daughter gets the help she need and you have a Partner that support you emotionally and helps you do what is best for her
What a question … YOUR CHILD comes first Everytime …
Your child comes first no matter the stress she’s your blood. Dude can be replaced but not your daughter
Children 1st nomater what. She didn’t ask to be brought into this world. You are and always will be her mammy and she needs you.
Without knowing what you mean by extremely difficult, I will it judge him. Mental and behavioral illnesses are no joke and some teenagers with those illnesses are literal threats to the lives and sanity of others until they’ve gotten the help they need. It’s a LOT to deal with and the fact you have a four year old and a newborn on the way means the safety factor could be pretty severe.
What services does your daughter need? Can you facilitate maintaining those needs while she continues to live with you? Has she ever threatened or harmed her siblings, you or him?
Remove his feelings out of it completely, what do YOU think is the best way to help your daughter get control over her mental and behavioral health?
At the end of the day that’s your daughter. I understand it’s a difficult decision and you have kids with your husband but you can’t give up on your daughter. If he can’t handle her that’s on him but if you send her away or side with him because she’s having trouble/a bit difficult she will forever see it as you chose him over her and she will feel that you abandoned her or don’t care for her. By all means if she needs to be sent into placement because she needs it for her mental health it is not a bad thing but don’t do it because he’s having trouble dealing with her
Yes choose your daughter. Always choose your child. I’m so sorry you are going through all this. Is this how your husband reacts when he is stressed generally? If it’s a pattern, perhaps there is a different way to express it?
You’re if you pick him over your daughter
Children first. Always. If even you are able to find a long term mental health facility for her- she’s still going to need your focus, your time 100%. If your husband can’t support that he doesn’t need to be your husband. Your daughter has some serious mental health concerns that need to be addressed
See ya later dude! My babies… No matter how old come first!
Kick ur husband to the curb girl…that ain’t no man!
You always choose your child!! That’s not a question! If he can’t handle this stress, then he clearly doesn’t belong married! Life throws curveballs and sometimes the going gets tough, but you’re supposed to stick it out together as a family! He isn’t ready and not committed to you or the children!
I literally will ALWAYS choose my children over my husband. 100%. This child is baby you brought into this world and she is yours. You have to be there for her, make the best choices for her, with his and you needs taking a back seat. That’s being a mom
Please don’t pick him in this… You’ll most likely lose a daughter and it’s not worth it. Always pick your children before anything.
This is heartbreaking that your even asking the question.
I pray that your daughter never ever knows that
You even contemplated choosing a man over her.
Children 1st no matter what.
Please do not
Give up on her no matter how hard it is.
Kids come first always. Especially at that age!
I picked my kids. Do not regret it in the slightest!!
Your daughter first ! He shouldn’t make u choose
Chid comes first always!
There is no choice here. Your daughter should come first. She didn’t ask to be born. And, seriously, why would you allow yourself to get pregnant with the issues you already have. I feel so sorry for children born into this kind of an environment. Please get yourself some help also.
Only this day in age would this even be considered
Children come 1st…
You seriously have to ask this? What is wrong with you? That’s not a man…a MAN wouldn’t abandon his family when it got a little rough.
Pick your kid. Otherwise you’re a shitty mother that doesn’t deserve any children
Your child always comes first…even if there being difficult…you can’t give up on them…you say your pregnant with his child…when the child you share starts too misbehaving at there teenage years…will he give up on them as well?..or is it just because it’s not his child he’s giving up?
I always say children 1st. But sounds like child needs placement. How do the other children feel? Its mentally draining for everyone in household. Good luck mama.
My advice is for the guy… RUN NOW! It will never get better. If the child is in therapy 5 days a week and it isn’t working, it’s not going to magically start. Some kids (or people in general) are messed up beyond repair. I have this stepchild. The lies are so bad stepchild isn’t allowed in my house anymore. Stepchild has threatened to kill our baby.
So no, mama, you don’t have to choose. You get to spend a lifetime of hell from your child and drive everyone else away in the process. If my child was so bad to need therapy 5 days a week and still no results, they’d be in a mental institution. Not even sorry.
Let me also say some of what your child is showing is probably mental instability, but part of it that child is doing on purpose to attempt control. Sounds like you’ve let her already have too much control and that’s why she continues on the way she does.
If you have to “choose” between your child and your husband it shouldn’t even take long for you to know who you should be choosing
My heart shatters for your daughter.
My children come first no matter what.