“I’m in a rut. I’m an FTM, and My ex (my son’s father) hasn’t been in the picture from the time I found out I was pregnant til now. We split a week before I found out I was 18weeks pregnant, and after finding out, there was still no repairing it because of things he had done to me. He hasn’t cared for my son whatsoever, and he never tries to contact me about him. My son is now almost nine months and has no idea who his biological dad is or that side of the family because none of them care for him. My boyfriend that I’ve been with since my son was four months old, has been there for everything since he came into the picture. My son calls him dada and is his mini besides looks. I guess what I’m trying to get at is would it be a bad idea to terminate all rights of my ex to my child since he isn’t fit, won’t make an effort, and has nothing to do with him anyway. He won’t even pay or fill out child support like he’s supposed to, so he’s over six months behind. I have enough proof, but should I wait till after my son is a year old or try to just do it now because nothing I say to my ex influences him to have a bond in any way with my child. We can’t stand each other, but I try to be friends with our son and he doesn’t care. I just want to move on with it all and make sure my son is as happy as possible…any advice would be great.”
I think it hasn’t been that long and you should wait.
In my state, Tennessee, judges almost never terminate rights unless you are married and that person is willing to adopt the child.
Check your states rules. Some states don’t allow it unless child will be adopted.
My thoughts are if he has made no effort and left while you were pregnant, he shouldn’t have any rights at all. My aunt literally put unacknowledged on her daughters birth certificate because the father walked out while she was pregnant. But this is in Canada though so…
Depends on the state you live in. WI will not even allow you to terminate rights of a bio parent unless you have someone willing to step up, if your lucky …I have 3 kids with my ex husband (one has no biological connection but I got full custody of her because both her mom and dad dropped her like a bad habit and he has never met my 2 girls that are 6 and 4) and still isn’t allowed. Even worse, if something happens to me with a will drawn up he has first right to take my girls and he can’t even take care of himself…unless he is agreeable to it…messed up world we live in. Good luck!
My sons father has not been in the picture since he was 5 by his own choices. I have been with my husband since my son was 2 he’s 18 now. I never terminated my sons biological fathers rights because 1 he isn’t around so he doesn’t bother me 2 it’s not my place to take my sons fathers rights away period ! Had my son been in any danger I would have done what was needed to keep him safe and not around a dangerous situation but I still would not have terminated his rights if given the option, I just don’t feel like it’s my place to do so just because he isn’t/wasn’t around and doesn’t pay child support.
Just get a court order for full custody. Then move on. No need to terminate rights. Thats being petty.
Do it, my sons sperm donar was never ever there I didn’t put him in the birth certificate so he has no rights what so ever anyways. But doing what you want puts you in the place your future husband can adopt your child without any trouble.
I think you’re going to have your son calling every Tom, Dick, and Harry daddy until one of them steps up to actually be daddy. It’s too soon for all this crap. I’m not trying to be mean, but seriously. This kid is calling someone daddy he’s only known for 5 months. Get your crap together lady. This is the least of your worries and you’re moving way too fast.
Some states have unmarried mother laws and they also have abandonment laws. Is he on the birth certificate? If not in some states he would have to establish paternity to even have rights. Or if he is on the birth certificate and has had no contact with his child for that states set timeframe you can take him to court to terminate rights under the abandonment law, if he is a no show it’s usually granted. If he does show the judge might hit him with back child support and grant a visitation schedule. My best advice because every state is different look into your specific state laws, have a consultation with a family attorney and see if this is something you really want to do.
My son is 6. His bio has not provided or tried to be involved more than 1-2 times a year since he was born. Walked out 3 months after he was born and a 13 year relationship/marriage. Owes me $42,000 in child support. My boyfriend of 4 years has always provided for him and treated him as his own since day one…my son does not call him dad (probably because I never referred to him as that with my son). I haven’t even thought about terminating his rights. My boyfriend would love to adopt him so if/when that happens I’d sit down with bio dad and discuss it despite the fact that I despise him for walking out on our son. I think it’s wayyyyyy too early to be doing that. Who’s to say he won’t step up tmrw and be a father?!
If that’s what he wants then go for it
Indiana in less you have someone willing to adopted they won’t do it
I’d go for full custody instead of termination of rights. For one your relationship is fairly new and you need someone to adopt him in place of the dad. For 2 dads have a lot more rights now, if he refuses I hope you have money for the court fees & a lawyer. I helped my friend try to get her kids dads rights terminated and even with him being abusive & the whole 9 the judge didn’t do it. Take the child support case to court though for sure if you actually need the help. He won’t have a choice but to step up.
Good luck, I can’t terminate my baby daddy’s rights due to the fact that nobody will adopt my kids and he hasn’t been apart of their lives since my youngest was 6 months old and he’s now 6. He pays child support but only because the state takes it out of his check, if that wasn’t the case he wouldn’t pay a dime
It’s super hard to terminate rights.
If he hasn’t been in your life since you were 18weeks pregnant he’s not on the birth certificate. Right? If he’s not on the birth certificate, you haven’t gone after him for cs & he hasn’t gone to court for rights in the eyes of the law he isn’t his father unless he proves otherwise. Check your state’s laws. In many (all that I know of) the father has a year to sign AOP. If your current bf is serious about being this child’s father he can become his legal father. You’ll never have to deal with your ex. Becareful! Because you will be tied to this man forever. There’s no going back.
Don’t completely cut him out. You never know if your son will need blood or anything like that at some point. & before anyone says anything- yes, any decent person would help anyway But, we’re also talking about someone who had abandoned their responsibilities.
So a couple of things to take into consideration. Termination of parental rights is not easy. It’s much easier to get sole custody. This isn’t about you or your ex. The court is only going to look at what’s in the best interest of the child. Even if the child’s been “abandoned” by the other side. The court looks at things long term. TPR (as it’s referred to) would make it so (just an example) your child wouldn’t be able to collect inheritance from his bio dad when bio dad passes. Because he no longer has any rights to anything. Your son is for all intents and purposes no longer your ex’s son. In most cases the court needs to see you in a long term relationship with someone who has plans to adopt your son prior to termination of your ex’s right. If you do decide to do it you can do the TPR and step parent adoption without a lawyer. Most states have all the forms online, but I would suggest getting a consultation from one (normally free) to talk through options first. Good luck.
You cant just terminate his rights. If you arent married and hes not on birth certificate then you have to prove paternity. After that and hes been given legal opportunity to form a bond and chooses not to you can petition the court for full custody. As to calling another BF dad, not good my opinion. Its only been 5 months. Not saying he isnt a great guy, but its VERY EARLY in your relationship and your not even married to this guy. The bio dad could if he had half a brain and a good lawyer get you on alienation of affection!!! Live your life, date, have fun, raise your child, see what the future holds.
To terminate father’s rights is very hard. To have another man take over his rights if you are married is much easier but bio dad has to agree. With that being said if you split from new dad he can ask and possibly get custody of said child. I know of 2 women that have adopted their husband’s children and later divorced and ended up with sole custody of the children.
He has to be willing to sign his rights over and i dont know about where you are but usually you have to be married and your husband has to be willing to adopt.
Sounds like he might be willing to sign away his rights anyway. Discuss it with him and give him the option. If he’s not already involved I’m sure he’d love the chance to sign away his rights and not be financially liable for his child. It’s a lot easier to terminate rights if the person signs the rights away to begin with.
Give it 2 years file for abandonment
Most states won’t terminate rights. Even if they’re an unfit married. They will usually allow if you’ve been married for so long and the spouse is willing to take on rights and adopt. Otherwise they don’t usually terminate just becuz u what too.
My ex’s rights were removed, but my husband also petitioned to adopt them. We went to court so the judge could hear all sides. Ex had 2 hearings continued for some bs of not being prepared or having a lawyer then the 3rd hearing he gave up and signed them away. I don’t regret that decision at all.
After you get married (don’t do that just because) to someone you truly want to be with, have him petition the court and go from there. Always be calm and civil because you want to prove the child’s best interest is having him adopted by your spouse, who’s been the better father figure longer than his bio, not show petty arguing and whatnot in court. Contact a family lawyer in your state and figure out the laws there.
But again, don’t just get married for someone to adopt your child. Make sure he is the one, not only for you, but the best one for the child.
Don’t worry about ex right now. He’s not bothering you, you have the freedom to raise your child without any hassles. Be grateful for that. Maybe when baby turns a year and you’re still with bf and it’s getting serious, revisit the idea of petitioning the courts after you get married.
Best way to save a headache is to forget him and child support and worry about you and your baby. The amount of stress you will save yourself from not dealing with any of that is worth it. Don’t talk to him, don’t message or call him, don’t bring him up to your son, just forget his existence
Girl cut him out. Growing up with a father figure who loves him is so much better than a wishy/washy, might be there, might not type who’ll just confuse him in the end. No need for resentment to form when he could just grow up with a man that’ll never make him doubt he’s loved!
Just file for permanent custody and let child support catch up to him
If he’s already the established father in courts you can’t terminate his rights unless he agrees or you can prove he is neglectful. Unfortunately being a shitty dad is not enough to terminate his rights. At this point it sounds like he won’t care so I would do it now tell him you’ll forgive his cs if he signs. And if he does sign you have your have someone else adopt him. They won’t let it happen unlese you have someone who is going to adopt him
You need to contact an attorney and see what the laws are in your state but if the father hasn’t had contact and hasn’t paid child support in over a year you can get him for abandonment and termination of rights. This could be a long process so I would say start it now if you want. Do not contact him for any reason and keep it civil.
The baby is only 9 months! Give it a couple of years at least! I know you’re hurt but don’t rush!
Contact a lawyer. Its not that easy.
You need real legal advice. There’s nothing that you can have now that would remove his rights. The baby is only 9mo. This BF is only been 5 months, that’s nothing. What have you done to discuss real future plans, parenting thru the stages, any beliefs that are different, money/retirement/investment. What do you really know about BF that you want him to become legally tied to you and baby forever?
Contact an attorney and explore your options.
I would just contact an attorney and have all your proof and questions written out. Sometimes they’ll give you an hour free consultation. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years and my son is 2 years old. My sons dad hasn’t had contact in 1 1/2 years and refuses to pay child support(won’t even sign the paperwork or talk to them). They won’t let me terminate his rights unless my boyfriend adopts my son - which I don’t want because I honestly don’t want nobody to be on the birth certificate besides myself. My attorney thinks I’m better off just getting sole custody or waiting till if me & boyfriend get married. I’m in Oklahoma if that helps!
Go for full custody, don’t terminate his rights. Honestly you should let your child decide later on if he wants a relationship with his father and if he would like to try to have one. In my opinion it shouldn’t be up to mom to terminate dads rights unless the child was in danger of some sort. This doesn’t seem the case since your issue is he is absent and not supporting your son. Plus your relationship with boyfriend is still very much new, I really think you should think about every option. Depending on state you may have more or less of them
Is he on the birth certificate? Check your state’s laws. In some states the father only has parental rights if he is involved in the child’s life (named on the birth cert or positive DNA test, spends time with the child, pays for some necessities for the child, etc.). Also, some states will not allow you to file for state’s assistance (medicaid, food stamps, etc.) if you revoke the other parent’s rights. This is because they can not go after him for insurance and child support then, which is what most states will do if you qualify for assistance. Make an appointment with a lawyer that can explain your state’s laws to you before you decide. Some lawyers will allow 1 free consult.
My daughter is 11 never had het donor in het life. She grew Up knowing her dad (my husband) is not biological her dad. It does not matter to her And my husband. She loves him the most. They loved each other even before he & I had an relationship. We were friends. I always say that She choose her own dad And did the best job ever.
So let your ex be! Your son already has an great dad. Thats all he need.
My daughter sees her sister (same bio dad) since a couple years. Her mom is such a good Friend of Mine since we met. And thats what matters! She had her sister in het life who She loves so much And my husband is the one & Only dad She wants & needs
But he is trying to contact you in regards to the child so maybe he does want to be in his life?
It’s definitely easier said than done. My son is 13. I went to court when he was 3 to try to get full custody. Judge pretty much laughed in my face and said his dad has every right to be in his kids life. Yet his dad has never done anything about it. His dad is a very manipulative person and gave him this sob story and the judge believed him. The judge didn’t care about a DV case I had against him. And even after all that his dad still never has been in his life at all after all these years. So I just gave up trying with the courts.
I believe in most states. Years of distance from a parent terminates their own rights. It sounds like it’s bothering you more than your son. Enjoy your life with what you have.
You’ll need a court order. Even though you have your son does not mean you have full custody.
From my own experience, I took full custody of my son. The end of our relationship was very ugly but I never stopped him from seeing our son. It was on him and I choose to let my son grow up and find out the truth. I never talked down on him because he still remembers his Bio dad (we broke up when he was 4) but he now has a step FATHER who is very loving and is active in his life. I would choose to take full custody and let your son decide later what he would like to do.
I would get a lawyer and get a case going for full custody and get there advice so you make sure you are doing everything correct so nothing can fall back on you. Good luck.
Depending where you are, it’s usually up to the courts, not you, and father of child has to agree to it.