Personally for me if someone can’t treat both my kids equally then they can’t spend time with either of them. I would hate for one child to grow up and feel less than the other because people favor the other more
17 Likes
Well when I was younger I had my younger brothers and I’d go over to my grandmas and she wouldn’t take them because they were still to young and also in diapers. She was too old to be taking care of babies. She won’t watch my son either. They’re old and I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.
1 Like
when you said that they told you they would send someone over every week to check on your daughter i’m sorry but that sounds so rude and out if it that they would even do that i really doubt its that serious im sure if it was to the degree that their making it out to be that you would have already stepped in i mean come on hes 3 shes 6 they are little if it was me in the situation i dont think my kids would be going over there anymore
14 Likes
Distance yourself for a while. 
2 Likes
I am a grandmother of 2 beautiful girls…if I buy one I buy for the other.they both get all my love…I love them both with all my heart…I could never look in my grandkids eyes .and hurt either of them…I learned the had way with my own kids…I seen the hurt in my grown up kids as kids…I couldn’t imagine making one of my grandkids fell that hurt…I say if your son is being affected by this…you have to take a stand …I couldn’t imagine looking into my granddaughters eyes and hurting either of them. No child feel that pain…they should be equal…
Wow! That’s harsh. My mom always made both sets of grandparents treat us 5 kids equally. And I am totally devoted to my two grandsons. If I am lucky enough to have more grandkids they will get the same.
1 Like
Ouch! That’s not nice. If they cannot love them both equally, I would minimize the visits. You don’t want them sowing division amongst your kids. You must teach them to love and protect each other unconditionally. That’s just my two cents.
Get rid of toxic, and focus on your kids.
8 Likes
I was ok with the grandparents only wanted to keep the old child yes it maybe easier for them as she’s older until the theaten part about sending someone over doesn’t seem right
4 Likes
Maybe suggest that they take your boy on his own? Without the distraction of his older sister maybe they will see a different side of him, the boy that you see, and possibly could be more willing to have him more? 
They would not be seeing my daughter if that was my case.
Aww that’s tough , I would distance that’s not right
3 Likes
Um, I went through this as a child. Don’t allow them to favor! It’s depressing! Plus, if they can’t love them equally, even if a boy is more rough than a girl… That’s sad on their part!! My boy is a wild child, I don’t have other children but no way would anybody favor either if I had more. They can stay away if it came to that!
2 Likes
My grandparents never put me down but they always wanted to take my older brother without taking me. My mom simply told them that they can’t take one of us without the other it wasn’t fair and she wasn’t gonna let them treat us unequally.
1 Like
Nothing will change, they love your daughter more. I call it ”first grandchild” syndrome. My mom is the same way with my 2 sons. The older is like HER child. The younger is a grandchild. You are in for a ride. No advice, im still going thru it 18 years later. 
4 Likes
I wouldn’t even argue with them about it anymore. If my father said something along those lines about any of my kids, his butt would be on the ground so fast. No one disrespected myself, the way I raise or parent my children.
Your the parent of those children. If they can’t and refuse to take both. Then they do t get any.
Cut them tf off.
We’re not about favoritism in my house. We’re all equal.
Sounds like you need to put your foot down and say enough is enough. I understand they’re your parents. But at some point you are going to HAVE to make yourself known as an adult as well and not their child.
What you says goes when it comes to YOUR KIDS.
1 Like
They can’t see either one and that’s that. If they fight it, you can easily prove that he’s being taught not to and you are taking measures to help stop it.
5 Likes
You got me f***ed up. If my children are treated differently by people those people simply won’t be around my children.
I couldn’t stand him at first either. But give him until the end, he’ll eventually grow on you
Don’t ever let them continue with this… This can build a wall of hate between your kids… You should be the one to discipline them… no one is better than the other… Felt left out and unwanted is not nice… a kid should never feel that way… distance your self immediately…
1 Like
It’s either all or nothing. Don’t let your son grow up thinking he is not as special as his sister. Different ages require different relationships but over all the treatment should be equal
12 Likes
Our 3 year old is favored over our 5 year old with most of my family. And we’ve started to cut people for it. Now that we have a daughter due, they all have started to put both our sons off. So I’m going to continue to cut people out. My kids shouldn’t need to fight for love or affection from anyone. Especially family. We confront people when we see it, if they don’t change, then that’s on them and they lost all privileges until they do wanna change.
5 Likes
Did they take daughter at 3?
If it were me I’d Stop them from seeing your kids separately and I wouldn’t leave them there alone. Toxic cycles got to be broken. He’s gonna wonder why he was never stood up for and your daughter will take advantage of her favoritism. And also. HE IS 3. Wtf
8 Likes
My mother is the only person that has ever kept my 4th child or all 4 of my kids at once, for that matter and my sister has said he’s too rambunctious and he is in fact a little wild so I fully understand that but it does hurt my feelings at the same time, because he’s always home with his dad and I and he likes new places and visiting people and nobody wants their child to feel left out. It’s crazy how many parents have the same kind of issues.
I don’t think that’s an issue. It’s ok for big sister to do things that the younger one can’t. One of the perks of being older. I can understand why they’d prefer the older one as they’re easier to handle as compared to a three year old who are typically little 
. Maybe it’s not favoritism per say but it’s just easier for them and as he gets older that will change. I have a four year old with a baby on the way. I’m sure my parents will take my older son a lot more then the baby just because he’s more able not because they love him more. What your father said isn’t right for sure, obviously they can’t handle him, so let her go and have fun and when he’s older and better able to control himself I’m sure he’ll be able to tag along.
1 Like
I would first take into account the age / ability of your parents. Maybe the three year old is too much for them 
Are they equal in other ways - example if they’re at your home do they give attention to both, are gifts equal. If your daughter and son are treated similar I wouldn’t be to concerned with her getting to go their alone
Do they spend much time with your son or is your daughter saying things? (In regards to the aggressive behaviour)
It’s kind of hard to say what to do - I think it’s ok for the older one to get to see the grandparents alone. But on the other hand kids notice things and you don’t want his feelings hurt
Never feel bad for cutting out toxic people. Once you have kids/get married… you have YOUR own family who you need to protect. If that means cutting out TOXIC family members, don’t ever feel bad.
Waaaayyy overstepping boundaries. Your father threatening to send someone around your house every week is saying you don’t know how to parent and can’t handle it. That controlling behavior is unacceptable. I would set some clear boundaries and follow any failure to meet them with a cut off. I’ve cut off my mother due to this type of narcissistic behavior. I can understand not having the energy or want to keep up with a 3 year old at that age but the threats and overstepping is unacceptable
This is narcissistic behavior. I would put an end to that and stop all visits immediately. Kids don’t deserve that. That will cause a lot of issues down the road especially mentally. He will always feel like he did something wrong or is never good enough when he’s perfectly fine. People are asses and it’s not worth the stress and drama.
1 Like
This problem would be easily solved, my parents would not be allowed to see either of my children, the one thing that I won’t put up with is anyone showing favoritism in my children, you have got to make them understand this
I would distance the whole family from them if they can’t treat them all the same then they can’t see any of them.
Wait what? Send someone to check on your daughter? Like who?? That’s crazy. So sorry you’re going through that with your own parents 
Get a referral for behavior therapy …just in case anything…then they will see you are trying to work with it …yes I do have experience I have 2 boys that rarely like to share …my 5 year old dosnt hit anymore but my 3 year old does and I’m doing everything I did that worked for my oldest son …it’s does help …I also felt with visitors coming every week (not anymore )
3 year old boys hit. I guess they never had a boy?
My grandparents used to do the something, ( Theyre not together and haven’t been for years) to my brother and I. I was the one that my grandparents always wanted to do stuff with, especially my grandmother. My advise is to stop sending them over there🤷🏼♀️, I know it sounds harsh but as my brother got older he started to notice that they did more stuff with me and wanted me around more than him. It created a wall between him and our grandparents. It also hurt him knowing that they didn’t want to do stuff with him, even to this day my grandparents don’t really do anything with him. They can come over to your place to see the kids but cut off them going over there and no spending the night till they start to accept the 3 year old.
As for the hitting, he’s 3. I think every toddler goes through that stage especially with siblings and toys( I know me and my little brother did), he’ll grow out of it shortly. You just have to constantly remind him no hitting and maybe put him in time out and try to talk with him that hitting isn’t okay. I can’t believe the grandparents would go as far as call someone to check in on your daughter for that reason🤦🏻♀️
Distance yourself . They dont treat your children equal then you dont need them in your lifes it will only get worse over time.
They would be cut off immediately. He is 3 ffs. No more visits for daughter. It’s a bs excuse.
Cut them out. From both. They are being toxic as hell.
4 Likes
Cut off that relationship. Your kids do not need grandparents like that. It doesn’t matter what they do for you. You owe them nothing. Especially w the threat of sending someone over weekly to check on your daughter. Fuck that shit and fuck them! I see nothing but a life of misery for you, your son and your daughter. I also see a heartbroken little boy who won’t understand why his grandparents don’t like him. I couldn’t let my child go through that heartbreak.
2 Likes
If he has anger issues or is unruly then they are correct in saying he should not stay over. It should be an incentive to behave. However I would ask them to video the occurrences to ensure that your daughter isn’t provoking him to get her grandparents to herself.
2 Likes
For one I would show the police the text your dad sent the I would file a restraining order against them and I f they CPS you can explain that this is retaliation for the order of protection and if the person the send isn’t of official capacity I would let them on my property they’d get a rest order filed on them ( FYI you can tell the PA you don’t know their address but you know where they work and that’s where they will be served. That’s alway a bad look to get served papers from the police at your job)
2 Likes
They act like he’s older than her:woman_facepalming:he’s just 3 smh. Let both children understand it’s not ok to hit on one another and to be kind an love One another ! Now for your parents smh they need to stop being mean to him an love him as they do the other child or don’t love any or be around!
because it will mess up your son as he gets older and make him not like them or his sister growing up.
1 Like
Look at it from their perspective. A 3 year old is a lot more to handle than a 6 year old. 6 year olds are older, and more mature. They still throw fits but usually not as many full on tantrums, they can talk and tell you exactly what they want or need. Toddlers are a handful and they’re stressful as hell. I honestly wouldn’t be too bothered by this, other than them being rude about your kids hittting each other kids just do that lol. I would just look at it as a way to get some one on one time with your son. He might also be acting out because he doesn’t get as much attention over there and toddlers thing negative attention is the same as positive.
2 Likes
So they are holding your 3 year old to a higher standard then your 5 year old? Makes no fucking sense. I would have to part ways with them til they get their shit together
I’d definitely distance myself from them because you don’t pick favorites with children. That’s childish for one, for two how they gonna treat your son a certain way for being a 3 year old who fights with his sibling, that makes them look dumb asf in my opinion. THEYRE KIDS. KIDS FIGHT. and the fact he said he was gonna send someone to YOUR house where YOU pay the bills infuriates me. Tell them to gtfo
I’d like see ya, by by