Two words. Good bye.
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Don’t sit right with me.
Stop sending her!!
I would cut them off from visiting, phone call, all forms of communication and cut them out of you and your children’s life!! Enough said!!
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Distance very much needed. Smh
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You either take both, or rotate. If they can’t do that then they don’t take none. Be your child’s voice. They notice. I just went through this. So now no one goes and we don’t associate with them 
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If they didn’t treat or accept my son the same as my other child, I would distance myself. Especially after making my point very clear and they continue this behavior.
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My parents said my daughter wasnt welcome unless i was there. She was 10. I have 2 boys as well. My mother was never meant to be a girl mom so my daughter got the brunt of things just as we did…I told them if one’s not welcome none are welcome.
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Hes 3! It seems like pretty normal behavior which you should obviously deal with appropriately but it sounds like they don’t know how to handle it. Maybe he acts out over there more too because he picks up on their attitude. I’d try teaching them how you deal with him. And maybe they would try bonding in a different setting first.
But if they’re going to continue throwing threats and being more of a burden than a help I’d cut back contact and limit it to when you’re there.
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Nope. They would both be cut off as soon as they said they would send someone around the house to “check” on your daughter. I would be pissed. Also if they can’t love both kids equally I wouldn’t have them around. Kids know when they are favourites and it can cause a rift to come between the kids relationship with each other.
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I would worry about what goes on there behind closed doors…
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Age 3 they are still learning that said discipline must be in place , he needs to learn that hitting is a no , children play fight but if it’s out of hand you need to step in and create boundaries , however your parents need to learn that you never favour one over the other that causes issues in itself if they can’t treat them equally then you don’t have a relationship with them at all but at the end of the day I wouldn’t trust them with him anyway as I wouldn’t feel comfortable not knowing how he’s being treated no one disciplines my children but me .
When I was younger my grandma would only take me and not my younger sister. She used to say my younger sister was too rambunctious When my dad would say something to her she would reluctantly keep her but would never treat her the same as me. I was too young to realize how wrong this was and to be referred to as her favorite made me happy but I never realized just how much it hurt my sister. Yes, she was ornery but never bad and yet my Grandma would say hurtful things to her when my parents weren’t around. We are grown, middle aged women and it still makes my sister tearful. Don’t let them hurt your son or cause your kids to resent one another.
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Nope. Not fair to your son. He may be young, but he feels the rejection. In my opinion if you continue to allow this your son may resent you some day for your parents actions and you allowing it. Your parents are in the wrong. A person should never treat a child that way.
Cut them off from all contact until they learn to love both children equally an keep their nose in their own back yard or they risk being disowned
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My parents favor my daughter over my son Advice? - Mamas Uncut
My son was rejected by his grandmother. To the extent that he was never even invited to Christmas partys…he grew up to be a great man !!without the influence of a bitter,resentful witch…my daughters, she was able to manipulate and influence…count your blessings and keep the witch away !!
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Moat definitely distance yourselves. Cut them off. Toxic is toxic.
Say good bye to your parents for awhile!!! If they can’t accept both your kids they can’t accept anymore them!!!
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You and your kids dont need that kind of toxic stuff in your life and it will cause resentment between the siblings when they get older. It would be hard but I would quit dealing with them and id let them know why.
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He will ALWAYS remember that if you let it continue. My son is 27 yrs old and remembers my parents doing this , i made the mistake of NOT stopping it ( i regret that to this day) … Thank goodness it didn’t come between them as siblings as they grew up
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Being a grandmother myself I have very mixed feelings about this situation. Some children are so out of control that they are hard to be around for extended periods of time, and some are just naturally calm . I think I would suggest you talk to your son and parents about doing trial visits with your son knowing that if he breaks the rules ( set by you and your parents) that he has to come home immediately. If he wants to spend time there , he may get the message. Just do not let anyone compare his behaviour to his sisters, it is not a competition.
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They wouldnt be seeing either grand kid if that was me
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Raise your kids and tell your parents to kiss your ass because that little boy knows he’s treated differently and believe me that’s hurtful he doesn’t deserve that
Boys dont hit girls you need to start teaching him now that its not nice to hit his sister!!! And im a great grammy and my grand kids are the same age and its always a battle but they will out grow it and your parents need to deal with it or dont take them at all
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I’m in my mid 20s and still am hurt by the fact that some family members blatantly showed favoritism towards my brothers and not me. Tbh just keep both your kids away from that. He’ll be hurt in the long run
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Toxic is toxic cut them off. Period. They are being spiteful.
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I always said all or none I have four girls
I wouldn’t let my child go over there if the other isn’t welcomed as well. And seeing how your dad is threatening your son and you, I’d cut them off. Grandparents don’t have many right is any at all (it varies from state to state) so there isn’t much they can do. Keep the messages just in case they decide to go all Karen on you. YOU are the parent not them. Doesn’t matter how much they do or don’t do for you and your child. Don’t let your children grow up in an environment like this.
Like someone else mention your son will remember this when he gets older. If your parents can’t accept both of them then they can’t accept one. They are children and yes some are a little wilder then others it’s up to the adult to address,and correct it when the situations come up. Best of luck.
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I would distance them from your kids and you or I would cut them off. Threatening to send someone to your home every week…that just sounds like it’s out of spite. They’re kids and will learn.
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Honestly not their business. U r the parents and a 3 yr old is just learning social things. Just wrong. It’s ok to help discipline or teach but to want to leave one out isn’t right. And it’s teaching ur daughter she is the favorite and grandparents or anyone else should nvr make a child feel like that. I wouldn’t let them do it.
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If they’re both guilty of it- I would be more hesitant to them favoring a young little girl…that would be a red flag to me. And clearly showing a separation of favoritism/ assuming attention as well/privileges.
But maybe too little information given as well.
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Stop letting the daughter go over there, if they don’t want to get both and treat them the same don’t let her go
Set some serious boundaries with them!!! And focus on attachments with your son and daughter. He may be attention seeking there given the assumed favoritism.
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I am a grandparent, and this is not right.
Seek counselling for all of you so that you can all work this out together, but until that happens, the grandparents do not have your daughter without your son!!!
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I would say if my son can’t come over neither can my daughter. It’s not fair on your son if they treat him differently. Kids will always fight and being that your daughter is older she is maybe playing the grandparents and likes seeing her brother get in trouble
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Im Sorry but he is 3 people Seriously with some comments ! Im a Grandma and never never would i act in this manner period ! She is playing your parents he is learning from someone and when you stop that then he will start to learn its not ok its hard but you know what you need to do for you and your babies Girl Prayers
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Get a heavy metal test done on both of them. The solution is not about y’all its finding out why they are acting out.
First of all, I’m a grandparent and the younger ones are just too much work for me. I still love them, but I can just relax and enjoy the older ones! Also, they have had three more years to get to know and love your daughter. Give them time to bond with your son. And honestly, boys are very rambunctious! When we go visit, the boys want to play rough with gramps constantly! He’s 73 so it takes a toll! As a grandma, I don’t put up with one child hitting another. Sometimes outsiders see things more clearly since the are not in the middle of it. Don’t be offended by what they say. I’m sure they love both children. When the kids visit them, make sure you go too and keep the little one busy and under control!
I were in your shoes I would cut them completely out from seeing your babies. They aren’t raising them… YOU ARE, but discipline should be used as well.
Tell them to back off or they won’t have anything to do with you or the children
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I wouldn’t let them keep one or the other. Take them both and show them both love or screw off. I’ll be damned if either of my parents make one of my children feel less than the other. Hell no. And heck with making one sibling think they’re more important. This really pisses me off.
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I have a question? Are the kids by two different fathers where they may have liked your daughters father other than your son’s father. That could be an issue as well.
Definitely distance yourself from them.
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Keep the messages. Definitely distance yourself from them. They almost seem old school like boys will be boys we don’t wanna deal with that. & then your daughter is an Angel does nothing wrong. Siblings are going to have disagreements & some days not get along. That isn’t a reason not to spend time w their grandson though
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Soz they sound toxic or narcissistic. Favouritism is not on under any circumstances.
Teach your kids to stop hitting
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There would be some CLEAR m CUT BOUNDARIES! If you can’t get both then you gets neither! Package deal
I agree with what some are saying here. But disagree with it’s normal for a 3 yr old to go thru a phase if hitting. That is not normal. My son never did, nor did my grandson. Playing is one thing. But hitting isn’t playing. So to a point i can understand where your parents are coming from, to a point. They don’t want anything seriously bad happen to him, if he ends up hurting himself. Just sounds like he doesn’t listen & is all over the place I would say chances are your son is on the bit if hyper side. Talk to his pediatrician & see about changing his diet
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He’s three!! If he hits his sister! Maybe tell him " Hey mister! That’s a no no! We don’t hit!" Put him in time out or give him quiet time. Tell his grands to do the same. Work together 
but don’t write a three year old off. He learns from the adults. Kids don’t pop out of the womb obedient lol parents have to parent first. My mom has five grandchildren between my sister and I and she spoils each one! 16,11,9,7, and 3. They all fight, laugh, play and learn boundaries… together
My 3 year old can be a little ass sometimes but he’s a little human being with emotions like any other. Only difference is he’s still learning. I’d be more concerned about how the grandparents are choosing to show their emotions. Who’s coming to check on the granddaughter every week? CPS?
I would have a conversation with my parents.
Your parents need to sit down and mind their own damn business. Sounds like they are the toxic ones with a favoritism that is going to effect your son a lot more then anything they are saying will.
Why don’t they come an check on her theirselves?
Why don’t they come to your house and spend time with both kids?
Why are they being cruel to the 3 yo ?
Why are they an issue?
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For them to not want the younger one speaks volumes one way or another. Obviously he’s doing something that they just can’t tolerate. Maybe ask them to take both and send you video when they act up so you can see what they have such a problem with. It’s a possibility your little one may be an instigator and correcting him doesn’t work. If they can’t discipline him, don’t expect them to put up with it.
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My husbands family was doing that. I stopped sending my daughter. You don’t get to pick and choose, take both or take none.
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I think the call once a week is excessive but I don’t think it’s normal for any age child to hit. It’s usually learned behavior and not a good sign. You think daycare sits by and says “oh they’re just three and six” hmmm no. Also grandparents are not as young as they once were and too old for that crap. Taking care of children who aren’t well behaved isn’t easy on them. So can’t say I blame them.
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Honestly, my mom will take my oldest on vacations and out for a weekend but not my other two. I was originally upset about it but I now understand. My oldest is very well behaved, a really good listener and easy to watch. My younger son… well we call him Tarzan. Lmao. And the baby is just a tiny little baby who I wouldn’t let go anyway. But you get certain privileges for good behavior and loose them for bad behavior. Maybe when your 3yo matures a bit they’ll take him as well?
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Take control of this hitting and fighting you say they do and maybe the grandparents will feel differently. Let’s just be real older people don’t want to deal with bad behavior (no one does actually) … If your 3 year old is the source of bad behavior then who can blame them? Start correcting the behaviors and things will more than likely change.
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Keep them both away from them. They don’t deserve to see either child. There’s no way I’m letting anyone treat my kids differently and continue to allow them to be around them.
First let me say I too am a grandma of three. Two girls and youngest a boy. Sges 14, 11, and 7. The boy is like nothing i have ever seen. It all starts when he bothers his sisters n end in punching kicking and chasing. Well the two girls are just wonderful to look after. I did same only wanted them. But just till about 2 weeks ago i swapped. I only want him here. He is just a delight, he goes outside with grandpa works on boats stays busy. I told my daughter i was gonna fix him alright, turns out we were the ones that needed to adjust.
Good luck
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It’s normal for kids to fight hit bite and all the other stuff your parents are forgetting that you and your siblings went through the same stuff and maybe they need to be reminded of this and if that doesn’t work stand firm and strong and remind them your the parent and you have the final say on everything also it would be a good idea to distance yourself and kids from them for a while that way you can keep the peace
I would take an active interest in the school system, call them now tell them you have a preschool child needs to be evaluated. Then let your parents know you were trying to get help help for him .you will probably get free pre-school also
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It sounds to me like the little boy feels like he’s not getting the love and attention his older sister is getting. And at age 3, he doesn’t have the maturity to be able to communicate that he feels left out, so he’s going to act out by hitting more and misbehaving (tho some of that behavior is normal, typical 3 year old behavior) in order to get attention. Negative attention is better than no attention- at least in a child’s mind.
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Lol y’all are hilarious or didn’t have siblings 
. Me and my brothers beat the crap out of each other. When we were caught we got in trouble of course but siblings fighting is completely normal. Come on now! Y’all act like he is killing her and most likely she is doing it too and not getting caught or telling only we he decides to fight back. My own kids did it. They are better now that they are older.
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You’re kid is too much, they don’t know how to handle him. So you need to in other words. Don’t create the child no one wants to be around
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Send who the house I wish my daddy would send somebody to my house… I wouldn’t let them go over there no more
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You have a right to say no, they can see them both 1 or 2x a month together with you there. And keep it that way until you see the results that your comfortable with! They are your children and you need to set up boundaries with the grandparents. They need to love both. Not one more than the other. If you were there during The Visit you can control the tension. Don’t feel bad for ending a visit early.
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At 3 kids are still learning how to regulate emotions and how to properly express emotions. Hitting is not ok but it’s normal. My daughter’s 2 and she went through a wry short phase where she would hit. We corrected her. Explained we knew she was upset/frustrated/etc but that we don’t hit.
I also feel like it’s normal for siblings to fight. I grew up w 2 younger siblings and that’s just how it was.
And I’m wondering if his behavior problems at grandparents is because he knows grandparents like how sister better. Kids can sense that stuff
Either way if they are gonna single him out I wouldn’t send either over or I’d only bring them over when you were also there.
My brother and I bickered and hit each other all the time, Gramma still took both of us and loved us the same. Siblings fight, cheese and rice!
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Well…… my son has ADHD and my mother has Alzheimer’s and dementia. In her beginning stages before she got really bad when she was still working and still driving. I’m not even sure if she was diagnosed yet my dad requested that I stop bringing my son over because he “upset” my mom. He said that he makes her very nervous and doesn’t need to be babysitting him anymore. So I was of course hurt but I was like sucks to suck! He’s amazing! But hindsight is better then foresight. Now I know that ADHD and Alzheimer’s isn’t a good combination and I should of tried to see where she was coming from and not just how my son was being isolated and neglected from his grandparents.
Honestly my mom would let my older brother flat out assault me, I was abused by him. So the fact they make play fighting/sibling squabbles into abuse and anger issues straight out Just ugh🤦🏻♀️ that would be the end of our relationship and with the messages I would try getting a restraining order or no contact order or something cause that just seems super crazy to me.
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Me and my brother use to fight and when hed hit me my dad would tell him you dont hit girls. My brother always had an excuse for why he hit me. My dad would always say he probably deserved me hitting him…because he did…I wasn’t hitting him just because lol. Idk your baby is 3 they r just learning things like that. All kids fight about stuff even when they aren’t related. I think ur dads doing a bit much. The little girl is older. Sounds like your parents can’t handle a younger baby. My daughter is going to be 3 in 2 months and my grandma is in her late 70s and she just cant handle running after a toddler.
It’s not bad behavior he is 3. My 9mth old and 2 1/2 fight all day over toys. One minute she is crying the next it’s him. He’s too young to understand and maybe they just don’t want to deal with the frustration however, you do need to regulate if he’s constantly hitting her. She’s much older and I’m sure if she hit him back it would be an issue.
Im sorry but i have always been either you do the sane for all the kids or you dont do for any. So they wouldnt be getting my daughter until they did the same for my son
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Sounds like he’s acting like a 3 year old. If your parents can’t do for both then they can’t do for either. My grandparents didn’t want my sister to come over because she was loud and always got into something. My mom said they could come to our house but it was either both or none.
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Maybe they just have to visit separately so they can have individual attention from the grandparents, maybe he acts out because he can feel they favour her over him
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Your kids behavior is pretty normal but the treatment from your parents isn’t. Staying in that relationship isn’t good - for any of you - long term.
I find some grandparents are totally out of touch with what is normal kid behaviour.
Maybe they should take each child separately. Take the high energy boy to a playground & give him special attention. As he gets older it might get better;?)
I’d stop visiting them.
If they exclude one child then exclude both children from them 
She wouldn’t go I keep my 4 grandchildren I treat them all the same .
You are a family, a unit. They embrace everyone or no one. Bottom line. The hitting and such is an excuse. I would set it straight and say that you love how they are with your little girl and it breaks your heart for her brother, your son, and their other grandchild is treated differently and is unwanted. So either you all get the same love or they don’t get to have the same role. You will not have this little boy feel less than and unloved by his grandparents regardless how illbehaved the toddler is…its shocking they are trying to make it about a two year olds behavior and not their own
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I had to cut off my mother for the same reason, it only gets worse from there trust me. She hasn’t seen me or my children in almost 3 years now. He is probably acting out towards them, truth be known, because he’s at an age where he doesn’t know how to regulate his emotions plus believe it or not he understands to a point what’s going on about the difference being made between them. On a plus side I have four and siblings will fight over the same toy in a bedroom of toys lol it’s normal
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Go with your gut feeling. Yes, he is a toddler and a boy and he will most likely be more rambunctious now and less apt to control his own feelings and actions if the siblings do play rough. Most siblings do at one time or another. But the threat from your father how he will send someone to check on your daughter weekly just doesn’t sit right with me at all. Something is wrong and very toxic there, maybe even borderline abusive to your daughter too. I would definitely not have either child in their care for awhile. And if they want to have either grandchild over in the future (with your close supervision at first too), it is both of them or nothing. Above all, trust your gut feeling about the situation and protect your kids.
Plus later in life he can also resent you or even his own sister
Stop the visits my mum did that to my son always favoured them over him and he felt it i always said to my mum if you cant treat them equally then just leave them all alone
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Stop letting them take your daughter
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Check with your state laws and find out what grandparents rights they could potentially enforce before playing hardball with them. If you live in a state where no grandparents rights exists…I’d cut them off with some ultimatum. They are being ridiculous. Siblings argue and fight. If you are policing it as you should…it is not their place. On the other hand sometimes we are blind to our own children’s behavior. I would take a step back and make sure I am not missing something first. Then proceed with boundary requests and insist on fairness. Otherwise cut them off.
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You absolutely need to distance yourselves and your children. This kind of toxicity can harm both their self esteem and their relationship with one another. It can even cause resentment in the relationship they have with you. Your three year old has done nothing wrong. That’s typical toddler/preschool behavior. Stop letting them take your daughter at all!! For them to threaten to have law enforcement and social services involved should be the absolute last straw for you.
Who cares? My son was a whole brat at 3 I didn’t want to watch him either but the 7 year old who can fend for herself and communicate effectively on the other hand I love to watch. Its normal. Don’t be dramatic let them take the kids and tell them to go easier on him, hes young it’ll get better 
if it isn’t a concern that you have picked up already, than it isnt an concern. As a mother you pick up on bad behaviour first and if it is not a concern for you than it shouldnt be for them. But siblings can go under the radar being nasty or tormentive to another sibling and you should probe observe and try to see there point of view first and than if u feel okay with it or not than address the way you think.
I feel if you have 2 or 3 kids they all should all get the same there should not be any special treatment on any of them
They sound like toxic narcissistic personalities who have chosen their “golden child” and “scapegoat.” Classic toxic and manipulative type behavior. I would go low or no contact, especially for treating a three year old that way. Poor kiddo.
Your parents just want to be grandparents but there are two kids and the 6!year old is more independent and less needy! It’s nothing against your son! They are tired out, they are grandparents and are not favoring but just want to relax! My kids were that way too! The oldest is more calm and neat and organized and the youngest has a hand full of personalities inside her body! My parents are tired and they don’t have as much responsibility with the oldest!
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Ouch. They can have both or neither.
Distance your selves that’s not love in any circumstance
My mom favors my neice more then any of her grandchildren my other neices and nephews see I decide when my son was born that I wouldn’t allow him to be treated that way. So we keep our distance if she wants to see him. She has to make an effort which isn’t often but I’ve found that distance is definitely best.
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Probably some crazy kid with Ahd or something not everyone can deal with an out of control kid the the mom doesn’t seem to discipline but wonders why everyone else has a problem with their demon child
How old are they ?
Maybe with his AGE and their age he’s to Wild for them .
I rather keep a 6 year old that was taught to Listen and walk than a 3 year that runs and won’t stay with me .
If they go out they can’t handle the Wildness and fighting at that AGE.
Maybe the little girl needs some time away from her hitting brother also.
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Then do not let your daughter go over if your son is not allowed.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My parents favor my daughter over my son Advice? - Mamas Uncut