Sounds more like they are concerned about your son being violent towards your daughter, I don’t care what age they are, neither child should have to put up with the other one hitting them! Because clearly the accusations didn’t just come from no where… I’d be upset if it was just them favoring one child Over the other but if your son has anger issues u can’t blame them for not wanting to deal with that…. Help improve his behavior and then I’m sure they will start taking him also!
That is regular sibling fights. My 2 do it all the time and as for rambunctious, I can understand that but I would seem to have an issue with them sending someone every week to make sure the hitting stops. That’s ridiculous. It’s not fair for either child. They could even try to take turns having them over.
I feel like my mom does the same thing. So none of them gets to go. Don’t let your parents pick and choose. It’s all of them or none of them. I would probably stop sending them all together. Take a break from it and them. It might hurt the kids but you didn’t do it to them. They did and the kids can ask them Why. They don’t have any control and I think they want some. Tell them to send who ever they want. Your still the boss. There your kids. what they are doing with the kids is not right .so you make it right. Put your foot down no matter who’s feelings get hurt. My kids are crazy, they fight ,hit, call my name to get the other in trouble. If it’s just that, kids being kids. They should grow out of it. Unless you are concerned about it. Then you take care of it.
They both should be treated equal no matter what. Stop this before it becomes hard on your son he don’t understand what is going on. Either grandparents treat them the same are not at all. Kids or kids the adults needs to grow up and think about how the kids feel. And just remember your son might act out because the way the treat him just saying. Good luck prayers for your family
Stop your daughter going there too.
Does your son have ADHD? Sounds like symptoms my son had before medication.
I understand them not wanting him to hit her , I’m sure she doesn’t want to be hit but that’s a behavior that has to be corrected. It doesn’t mean he has anger issues. My 3 yo hits & gets corrected for it. I understand that he is probably a lot to handle right now , it doesn’t make it fair but it’s Atleast understandable that they aren’t up to putting up with him right now. As for your father saying he’s gonna send someone to check on her , that’s dramatic. He’s 3 , not a grown man.
Stop calling your parents toxic, it’s ignorant and that word is thrown around too easily. You are too busy getting defensive and not even trying to look at it from their perspective.They are OLD and watching two young kids is TIRING, especially when one is a toddler. They are known for being a**holes. I don’t blame your mom for only wanting to take the kid who’s more self sufficient and controlled. Either suggest that they just take the toddler and go do a fun activity with him alone so they still get bonding but it wont be overwhelming, or, they can wait til he is older and matures a bit.
As a parent of a 3 year old boy I know how hyper they can be. So them just taking the older one is understandable. But them acting like he’s a bad child he’s abusing his sister because he hits is ridiculous. What are they even talking about sending someone to check on her once a week?!? I would tell them they can check themselves and get the F on somewhere acting like that. That’s normal 3 year old and sibling behavior. You said they are disciplined for it and that’s what matters. Maybe some time away from them is what you and your children need.
Why don’t they go over there on separate nights? My parents do that so each child gets quality time with them
Yea yea. Some moms just suck. My mom only favors my youngest daughter and my brothers son. My son, middle daughter and his daughter could literally die and she would just shrug. I could go on and on about this.
So, together, my brother and I allow her to keep and build the relationship with her two favorites and we build relationships with the others. It’s an amazing way to teach your children about real life. Talk. Be open. Never use negative terms against the other. Always take the high road when it comes to children.
Sounds very toxic. 3 year olds hit its fairly normal developmentally for a toddler to go through a phase. If they can’t treat them both equally then they don’t deserve either grandchild in their life. They don’t have to have them at the same time but if they don’t even make an effort to do anything with your son then that is wrong and needs to be stopped before your kids get old enough to pick up on that. I can understand if they are older and feel overwhelmed with a 3 year old but then you and they should find other alternatives and activities for them to bond and have special times together.
Dont allow your daughter to visit them alone, it’s a bad idea to let your son see and feel the separation. Tell grandparents they’re welcome to visit BOTH kids at home with you.
Toddlers are full on, I have a nearly 3 year old, if they think he’s too much, it’s best he doesn’t go there till he chills out a bit, it’s really unfair and they should be taking them at least separately, to enjoy time with them both, sounds like hes jealous, and they will just be making it worse, by always praying the daughter, and growling you son all the time.
Distance is always nice
They have known her for 3years before he came so they have to be a diff, also girls are nicer to be around you know. Grandparents prefer girls as they have less issues than boys
“Send someone once a week to check on her”? Because of a three yr.old? This sounds excessive or there is alot of information being left out. I can’t imagine being so worried about the violence of a three yr old child that a weekly cop check up is being considered.
He’s 3, I don’t blame them. Sorry
I would stop all contact untill they can treat them equally. Its that simple
I mean your daughter is 6 and your son is 3 so they had like 3 years of a solo grandchild who most likely (if any thing like my child) behaved so well for them and now she has a play mate and is acting like a child… because she is indeed a child lmao. I would tell them they cant see either unless willing to treat them equally but honestly I wouldnt trust that they would, so I’d also only be giving supervised time with BOTH children until I were comfortable with how they were being treated. Also though hes 3 and completely able to learn boundaries and respect! My son is only just 2 and can tell the difference between play fighting with his playmates/dad and when hes hitting to be naughty. It would be easier for them also if you stepped up a little on that front and taught your children play fighting has a time and a place and we do not act this way at our grandparents house, children understand what we teach them, they’re underestimated alot so I’d definitely get his/their behavour under control. Still stands they should be supporting you in doing that and not singling out your son because they preferred their “perfect” granddaughter. Just my opinion
How much damage is your son doing to your daughter that your parents feel she isn’t safe?
And is it really not happening around you or are you seeing it and dismissing it as kids being kids?
I’d stop sending my daughter there🤷🏼♀️
Clearly your son has issues. If they don’t feel comfortable you cannot force them. Perhaps they have a lot of expensive collections or they simply cannot or do not want to deal with his behavior and quite frankly I do not blame them. They will more than likely include him when he calms down or corrects his behavior. Clearly they are concerned for your daughter and her safety. Perhaps have your son medically evaluated
It honestly sounds like they are making threats??
I was in a situation as a child that my sister was favored by everyone on my dads side…he was my sisters real dad, but he adopted me when I was born. So he was on my birth cert and everything. But his mom, the nana, hated me and didn’t want anything to do with me, even told me at 4 that he wasn’t my dad…and I still remember the trauma, and the thoughts of a 4 year old processing like, if he isn’t my dad where did I come from? Where do I belong?
That kid knows they don’t want him around, he can feel it, and I promise you it’s causing him pain, even if he isn’t saying or crying about it. Kids can feel that shit.
Sending someone over to check on your daughter sounds excessive. But I do feel that the 6year old is easier to handle than the 3 year old and they are now old and therefore lack the patience to deal with a todler
I find it funny people come on here acting like parents of the year not realizing it’s normal sometimes for three year olds to fight with siblings because their older sibling probably more than likely is doing stuff to annoy them or be mean when the adults arent watching but you know you do you step mom of the year in this comment section
Did your parents help you out with daughter before son came?.. did they help raise her?. My mom was 14…so I was def my grandparents favorite bc I lived w them until my sister came along…
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My parents favor my daughter over my son Advice? - Mamas Uncut
I would say if u cant treat them both the same then u cant see my kids or let them only come over and vist but not let her sleep over there house
I would honestly cut them off from both kids. Maybe not forever but long enough they see you’re serious about this issue.
Kids fight it happens and yea little boys are rambunctious but you cant favor one grandchild that’s not right.
If they’re saying things like this about your son to you imagine what they might be saying to him directly.
What you do for one you have to do for the other! That was always the rule in the house when it comes to siblings.
I hate sleep overs and what not because of child favoritism. I feel like your parents need to see how little power they have of “sending someone over” and they should be cut off for your sons emotional well-being.
Quit sending her over
I don’t care if they are my parents or not, toxic is toxic. I would definitely put my foot down and tell them how it is going to be with YOUR children and if they can’t accept that and treat them fairly then they don’t need to be around period!
I might suggest them just getting one child at a time. That way they get some one on one time with both. They would probably see a big difference in the 3 year olds behavior without his sister.
Maybe your son does have behaviour issues they cannot control and that is allowed . I wouldn’t look after a child I couldn’t safly handle .
Maybe take your mum goggles off ??
I think even if they are right about anger and such that leaving him out would only make it worse.
Wow that is so hurtful. I wouldn’t let either one go over for awhile. I don’t think you have “mom goggles” if they can’t handle him they have no business having your daughter either. Even if he gets angry it’s not an excuse. He loves them too and wants to have that attention and it’s hurtful that he isn’t allowed. My kid has anger issues and I deal with him because I have too. He’s my child even if he can’t stay the night they should still spend time with him or he’s going to have Bad feelings towards his sister and feel like he isn’t loved as much. All kids hit and fight. It’s normal so they need to get over it. Punish accordingly when it happens simple as that
Send someone? Who? Not sure how I would feel about that. But they could either spend time with both evenly. Or not at all …just my thoughts tho
Well is it true? Maybe your son has add and needs to be evaluated? I understand how you feel but you can’t allow your son to abuse your daughter!
Yeah I feel you on this one … always want one kid but not the other . Parents had 5 kids but couldn’t ever handle my two at once , made me feel like a bad mom . I’ve learned I’m an amazing mom and it was just them and them favoring a grandchild from different sibling more than mine . Just know it doesn’t change if you do anything about it just love your children and know they’re better off without
Dont allow either of them over. If they cant treat them equally they shouldnt be aloud to see them. I grew up with this and it really effects you as a child and later in life.
Sounds like they would do better with one grandchild at a time vs both. Toddlers are very rambunctious and they probably do prefer your daughter because she’s older and listens. Doesn’t mean they don’t love your son, they just can’t handle his toddler behavior.
You need to take an honest look at your son’s behavior.
As a mother and teacher the best thing you can do is listen to what people around you say. We are parents have a hard time seeing the big picture. No matter how hard it is consider what they said. I see this all the time as a teacher. It takes a village . Listen more than you talk. This is hard when our children are young.
I would first talk to your daughter about how the hitting makes her feel? Is it a possibility that your daughter is venting to them about issues? With your son being 3 he is old enough to know better. Also if they feel they can’t control him that could be another reason why they won’t keep him? I know I won’t keep kids I can’t control😂 sounds like maybe you should get your son some behavior therapy if the hitting is as big of an issue like they are making it out to be🤔
It hurts when a relative likes a sibling more than you…it hurts when a mother likes a sibling more than you also
…my mom liked my sister and I less than my brother
…it was quite evident to everyone…he was the baby and the only boy
He is incapable of even doing anything for himself. He has never paid a bill and doesn’t know how to manage a bank account. He is now homeless and has been since both of our parents passed. 3 years ago
.he is 54
They wouldn’t be getting either of my kids. He’s 3. Not 6. He’s still learning things.
Stop.having contact with them ,your son is only 3 still a baby and learning , they are way out of line and controlling.
Omg I thought I was the only one who has this problem!! After repeatedly cutting off my mom for long periods of time she got the message. I still get smart ass remarks about my son but she has come around to taking him alone or with my daughter. I wouldn’t wish this situation on anyone and I am so sorry he has to feel that because I know for facts he is starting to verbalize how he feels. Make a stand because they come before parents in toxic situations.
3 year old boys are much more rambunctious than a 6 year old girl. Probably just age thing. Grandparents are not being fair
So to an extent, I do get maybe not wanting both at the same time - my 5 year old son is a super laid back, chill kid 99% of the time but requires some medical care before bed, my 2 year old daughter is a tornado and a maniac 99% of the time (but I love her spunk lol). Together they bicker and fight and cry, and she is a full time job by herself and my mom knows her own limits well enough that she isn’t comfortable keeping them (plus our 8 month old) all at the same time because my daughter is also a climber/runner/likes to hide in weird places kind of kid. Is it maybe something in that type of scenario? They genuinely don’t feel like at their age/health condition/etc that having them both or even just the younger one is safe? I would much rather someone be upfront about their limits and my child be safe, than them try to take it all on and one of the kids get hurt or lost etc. I don’t know your exact situation, but I do know that even though my mom had 4 kids and has been a hell of a mom and grandma over the years, my three kids or even just the two oldest, are a handful. She and my dad are older now and while they love them all equally, and would do anything to protect them, it would probably not be a very fun day and could be unsafe for all 3 to be running wild at her house. Just playing devils advocate here. If there is more to it and they are shown favoritism in other ways then that’s a different ball game and I too would be upset.
So wrong for the gparents to make such a difference in the kids.
I wouldn’t let my daughter go over there either.
Both or none. Simple fix
Your son probably has super hard to deal with behaviour issues and I don’t blame them one bit, if that’s the case. Maybe listen to them and actually get your son some help from doctors. Sounds like they’ve already explained to you the issues & you clearly see them and aren’t t doing anything about it.
Anger issues? He’s 3!
You are the mom, you make the decisions on what is best for your children. Chances are if you are asking this question you already know the right answer.
I go crazy with all my grandkids there’s 5 and omg lol but I keep them all every other Saturday night so they grow up close. I want more one on one time with them but no way could I make 1 feel left out. When they get older I’ll make time for that individual bonding time but for now I’m happy I get to be such a big part of their lives. Now the baby is only like 6 weeks so I’m no lol but when he’s a few months old I’ll keep him to.
He can try to come check once a week but at the end of the day your the mom and he can kick rocks. You don’t need anyone coming to check on her just because they fight like all kids do. To me that’s insulting to you as a mother.
Be very careful. Your parents have no boundaries. Grandparents can seriously screw up your relationship with your child.
I read this and my first thought is if he does go over there do you think they would discipline him. I’d prob just say no to both but I know that’s hard because the break is nice, but that’s absolutely not okay
Been through this. When my youngest started to realize the difference I made it clear to her she was not obligated to visit them. It was my mother more than my dad. I took care of both of them the last couple of years until they passes. My youngest never visited and I didn’t blame her. I never forgot it either …I think it definitely changed how I felt about my mother. I did what I had to for her but it was more of an obligation.
Distance yourself they’re toxic
Maybe they can’t handle both of them at the same time. Send them separately for a bit and see how that works. I’ll bet they will learn to adore your son just as much.
In my opinion, If they are going to be like that, I wouldn’t let them have either of your kids. I don’t think it’s fair to treat one better than the other.
It’s never ok to have a favorite child or grandchild, NEVER OK! Yes the younger ones are harder to care for than the older ones but that just goes with it.
In my opinion, you should feel blessed they are involved at all. I wish I had that…but time will pass and he will be easier to deal with for them. Small world
I honestly think your dad threatening you with “check ups” is the biggest issue here- and that’s saying something because favoritism is toxic. I would cut them off. As the children get older, they will realize it. Favoritism hurts everyone- including the favorite child.
I absolutely agree that sometimes we parents can’t see issues. However, your son is 3. It’s okay that he’s not perfectly behaved. It also sounds like you’re saying sister also hits him. In my experience, this is normal sibling behavior. You say you correct it in the moment. That’s all you can do. I have three very close in age and there’s a lot of fighting and hitting and they’re 9, 7, and 6. They lose privileges, etc. but sibling in fighting is normal behavior. Anyone your parents send to “check” you would be aware of normal behavior. I cannot imagine your 3 year old is doing permanent damage to your 6 year old. Period.
I honestly hope for all three of you (your children and you) that you stop allowing them access. They will destroy your children’s relationship and more if you continue to allow this.
Thats pretty damn age appropriate. They’re still developing so much, including emotional control, options when in social situations, cause and effect, right and wrong, ETC!!
Im trying to not make this 500 pages because I could but long story short: he needs to learn in a way that teaches him.
I believe in redirection over discipline. Positive reinforcement. Giving options, setting boundaries and giving some control. Communication. Identifying feelings in himself and others.
Right after that message neither of my kids would go near them again. Not a chance.
It’s hard sometimes, I love all my great great grand Children just go with the flow,do the best for them.
First off your son is only three. No comparison to a six year old. If they don’t want the children together than they can take turns going if this is not expectable then I would not let either go
CUT THEM OFF that isn’t healthy for your children and if they can’t treat them the same then they don’t need to be apart of you guys lives PERIOD
I get this completely. I agree with sending them individually for a little bit. trade off. last time Grandma and Grandpa had a special day with daughter so next time they have a special day with son. and so on. I bet it’s just he’s younger and harder to deal with now that she’s 6 and sweet and mature. at least that’s how it is with my son. he’s VERY hyper and harder to deal with and is so much louder about his feelings that he always seems to be the aggressor although his sister does just as much. 🤦 Good luck momma!!!
Either they could just be very concerned for your daughter or they just plain childish. Either way, they shouldn’t treat your son like that. Them being parents themselves should understand that children at that age don’t necessarily know or understand right from wrong. They are still learning.
That msg from your father would be the last time they saw them if it were my children. I have seen what it does to kids who are “favorites “ vs the “unfavorite” child. It causes issues between the siblings as they get older. And the fact that he is threatening you over what is age appropriate behavior is ludicrous. Your parents need to grow up.
Guess what, they can not see either kid until they learn to love them both the same. Your son is 3 and old enough to feel the difference. Beyond that you don’t know how they are with him when you aren’t around. Yes they are your parents but they could be giving your daughter treats and special treatment amd saying no to your son. Buying you daughter McDonald’s and you son gets house food. Kids feel that. Just don’t let them see either kid because it’s not fair. It’s toxic and will make your son feel like he is not good enough.
Sorry i jjust wudnt allow either to go there
Your parents are messed up.they are little children. I would not let them come around for awhile. Horrible…do you have a husband?what does he think? How old are your parents? YOU…need to take control
So my parents were like this they wanted my oldest daughter and not my youngest so I confronted them and told them they are sisters a package deal if that’s not okay then this toxic behavior can be removed from my kids life PERMANENTLY which I can do because they aren’t their legal grandparents.(long story short I’m an orphan and my grandparents have custody) they shut up and acted right real quick
My motto is if you can only watch one, you won’t watch none.
Don’t take either of them to visit until they pull their heads out
Did they have any boys? My MIL completely favors my son over my daughter and she’s a boy mom. So it’s like my daughter doesn’t even exist.
All these comments saying to listen to the grandparents and take off “mom goggles” are really ignoring the fact that a grown man threatened to “come for her 3 year old”?!?! Sounds like grandad has some anger issues he needs to resolve before being around either of her kids
Um he a is 3 year old baby they can cram it
I’ve very much distanced myself and kids from people just like this. Only wanted my middle son to do things with. Nope tired of the oldest and youngest feeling not good enough. Just cut ties. Your kids will be better off from it.
They seem to be the one’s with the issue, like mentally off the deep end. I’m being serious! If they are threatening you, you need to start backing off from them because they could say or do something that could end up unjustly having your children taken. They are also going to seriously mess up your daughter and your son. He is THREE! I don’t think the issue is his age, his hitting (which is normal at his age because they struggle verbalizing what they feel), and it is really their issue with him. Maybe they didn’t want a second grandchild, or they have issues with boys in general, but either way it is wrong and unhealthy. Your son should never be made to feel like he is worth less or that something is wrong with him. You should hold family at a higher standard than friends, and would you put up with that from friends?
Um they aren’t your kids parents. Cut this off for a while. This will influence your son to be bad even when he isn’t. He’s 3. He’s learning. He needs kindness and love. Ita also teaching your daughter that she is better than him. This is toxic for your family! Stay away!
Sometimes not having a family member in you or your children’s lives ends up being a lot healthier than having them around. My husband’s mother isn’t in any of our lives at all, and rightfully so. I’m not close with my family for issues as well. We would suffer far more than gain by having some of these people in our lives.
Take your time. You’ve got to process this and can’t be expected to do that with the current communication. Sometimes you just have to stop responding.
Let your mother instincts tell you what’s best. It’s scary not having their help but in my opinion threatening a 3 year old and their own daughter (you) by sending someone is toxic and a slap in your face on your parenting but favoritism sucks and the kids never forget if they’re the one thats left out. Making a big change for your parents by not getting their way will hopefully show them that 1 you’re an adult now and you make your own choices for the kids. And 2 they cannot disrespect you and your kids in that way. Goodluck with your adventure
You live with your children so you know better than anyone else if their actions are appropriate, if you would like a non-biased opinion I would video tape a day at your house and watch your actions. It’s hard to see what others are talking about until we can see ourselves.
Sometimes grandparents aren’t great. This is a tough situation. Your kids are small and it’s totally normal for siblings to fight, if you are disciplining them when they hit that’s great. I would also say if they can’t take your son, you shouldn’t send your daughter. Also what are they going to do or say alone with them, it may not be positive
My kids don’t have grandparents, and it’s sad but they still have very full lives and lots of adults that love them.
I wouldnt let your daugther go back but im all about keeping it fair as much as i can i have 5 kids 2 arent mine biologically but they still get treated like mine period
I don’t see why they can switch on and off with them staying over. If they did one on one it would be an issue and besides sibling never get along well at times. No kid is perfect. Its toxic and I wouldn’t let them take her if they can’t rotate them.
I don’t think I would want my son around them if the Grandpa doesn’t like the way he acts and would try to discipline him in a way you may not agree with. So for me, I wouldn’t even want him around them. They can just lose out on my kids’ life. Their loss.
Do not alliw your children to be with them unless you are there to supervise.
Favoritism is so hard! I’ve dealt with it first hand. Put a stop to it now before it gets any worse! Trust me, the older the kids get the more they start figuring out. Their feelings get hurt etc. Your job is to protect your kids, even if it’s from your own parents.
I would like to know what they mean about sending someone to check on her? Like call dcfs? He’s a 3 year old boy play fighting his sister I feel like your parents are a bit out of line now if they suspected child abuse that’s one thing but “sending someone” to check on your daughter once a week is hell out of line and I would just tell them I need to distance myself and my family from them if one of my children aren’t accepted none of us are🤷♀️