My MIL asked my husband what we still had to get for the kids for Christmas and he told her (The last things we had to get were the big items that I was most excited for them to open on Christmas) Well she told us the next day not to buy the things we were going to buy because she bought them the things to give them for Christmas at her house…she completely took away the fact that this is something WE wanted to do for our kids…and disregarded that…am i over reacting by skipping Chrismtas with her?
This has happened to me, but like oh well saves my money to get something else. As long as my baby happy I couldn’t care less
Tbh… when your kids are grown, they aren’t going to remember the presents. They are going to remember the moments, the family, the laughter, the comfort. Be thankful grandma was in a position to buy the expensive gifts. Think of it as money saved
Just be thankful. There are bigger battles worth picking
I would of been happy as hell! Thanks grandma… now I can save that money for something else. Lol.
I can’t believe I’m the only one saying this but I don’t think you’re overreacting and I’d definitely skip Christmas with her. This is a huge overstep. I’d be livid. Besides, in my experience, ignoring things like this will only embolden her to disregard more and more of your boundaries as time goes on. Don’t listen to the guilt trips of being lucky she buys anything, this maybe being her last Christmas, etc. Because maybe it’s not her last Christmas and she’ll keep doing this for the next 20 years. And just because grandmas buy flashy gifts doesn’t mean they’re good grandmas.
Did your husband know you had this passion to give those particular gifts? Because if so this is on him , not grandma . If he didn’t communicate to his mother that there was a plan for the remaining gifts , you can’t be mad at her for buying was she was told was still left to buy when asked
My daughters grandma bought every single thing on the Amazon wishlist . Saved me so much money I don’t feel bad at all about only getting a few things.
I would buy them for them anyways and have her have to return her gifts since she knew that you guys were going to buy them for them or they could stay at grandmas and they can use them there.
I mean I understand where you’re coming from. but I also understand that she just wants to help… and it shouldn’t matter who got the gift. what matters is that the kids will be happy with just being around family and getting their gifts. but could’ve been more clear that you wanted to get the gifts and I’m sure you got them other gifts other than “the big gifts” which also shouldn’t matter
Awe… id be great full… I’d be sooo happy if one of my kids family members would buy my kids gifts… they don’t buy them anything…
When family asks what to get the kids I always tell them things that are not on my list to purchase. They don’t end up with duplicate gifts and no one ends up upset. Lesson learned. Give her a separate list.
I’d let her have a win I remember when I was young I went to my grandma’s house one time before she had passed and she bought me this little baby with a duck and a bath it creates good memories and tbh your husband should have stated WERE BUYING IT BUT IF YOUD LIKE AN IDEA you can buy this type stuff… In her head she’s probably thinking it’s saving you money and she is helping out
Honestly I feel you are over reacting. You should be lucky that your MIL buys for her grandkids. My son is 17 and I can’t remember even 1 time my MIL bought anything for my son. But she has 2 grand daughters younger then him and she buys for them all the time and only for them. So atleast your children aren’t being left out.
Ever though they were just trying to help you out ? Getting them so you didn’t have to
I’d be upset, but I would skip Christmas with her. I would send my husband and kids, I would not deny them family time because I was pissed off. I know how would feel if my husband asked me to skip Christmas with my mother because he was upset with her…it would not be good for him…if you can get over the anger you can still see the kids joy over opening the gifts.
Honestly, I would be thankful. You never know when this might be somebody’s last Christmas and you don’t want to look back with regret over material things. You’re kids are still going to be happy when they open those things and now you can get something else they wanted. But don’t take Christmas with their grandmother away over it. It seems like she cares.
Honestly, I feel like this was all lack of proper communication. I don’t think your MIL meant any harm at all. It sounds like she got a list of what was still wanted for the kiddos and got it. I would say you’re overreacting. Maybe next year give her a list of 5- 10 things per kid that they want and let her get the items off of that list so you know, what’s on the list and that you don’t get duplicates of anything. Pick your battles wisely. Is it really worth it getting all hyper over a materialistic item? As stated multiple times, your children are blessed to have grandparents that want to do things like that. Not everyone is so blessed. Count your blessings.
My mom is passed away and my father doesn’t get my kids anything. I know you feel jaded but Christmas or anytime shouldn’t be about buying your kids gifts but the quality time and memories you’re making with them.
Honestly, if husband was aware of how important it was for you to give these gifts, he should’ve said “nothing left to buy” when grandma asked. I’m sure he knows his mother and knew she asked this specific questions because she was trying to buy gifts for the kids. Unless he expressly said y’all still had gifts left but please mom, don’t buy them and she did it anyway…I don’t see where you should be mad at grandma. Be more upset at your husband that you 2 weren’t on the same page.
That would have been OK if the MIL had sent the gifts to the parents house so the kids could have opened them at home. When my grandchildren were young I would help get some of the big items but always made sure to give them to the parents to pit under their tree at their house.
Do t punish the children by this. But you are not over reacting. I wonder if you told her you guys wanted to purchase these gifts and stressed how important it was to you. But I understand and that would cross a line with me at my house. But let’s the kids go. You go. Just talk with her after.
Holidays shouldn’t be about what you buy or how much you spend. I’m sure there are families/kids who don’t get anything or don’t get to see any family at all. I think the only thing that matters is having your family around
Your feelings are valid & should be expressed. Idk if skipping Christmas with her is the answer but this is your life & you should do as you see fit!!
Sounds like she was trying to help u with cost… Seems a little selfish to keep her from the kids on Christmas over that pick something else and move on many family’s probably wish this was there issues and not that the mil doesn’t want to see the kids or treats one better than the other
Be grateful! Shouldn’t matter who it comes from it’s still being given to your child who benefits from it. I’m sure she just thought she was helping.
Unless you specified you wanted those certain gifts from you then yes you’re over reacting. Pick & choose your battles.
I sure wish that would happen for me😆
Yes you are completely overreacting. The kids are getting the gifts does it matter who bought them? A good tip for the future don’t tell others the gifts you want to buy. I always give our family other suggestions when they ask
But skipping Christmas with Granny is just spiteful.
Tbh I got a MIL that my kids don’t even know is there grandmother she’s around THAT LITTLE and only lives 20 mins away I have a 7YO 4YO and 3YO the only one that knows her is the 7YO the other two only follow suite when they talk about her bc they hear there big sister do it. I’d be grateful as fuck you got one that wants to do anything for your kids bc mine doesn’t even bother to try to have any sort of a relationship with hers let alone go above and beyond for Christmas to help like that. But maybe that’s just me bc I sit on the side where I got one that DGAF.
I understand wanting to get the presents yourself but I think as long as her intentions were pure and the kids are happy then it shouldn’t matter who the presents came from. Next year y’all can discuss in more detail who will get what
Have HUBBY pay her, period! It was your presents to give not hers (and SHE knew it too). Don’t worry about her feelings. This kinda power struggle will ruin relationships. Don’t let that happen but don’t allow her to continue such behavior or it will continue for life!
If you feel that strong then I would tell your husband to have a talk and have her return them… I love getting my kids their big gift… don’t let her to away your happy moment
There are underlying issues with the MIL for sure, this isn’t just about presents.
Girl bye buy them something else big and they want or need… pick your battles and this most definitely wouldn’t be one I would go to war about… however my kids have no one but us that buys for them… I wish someone else would buy them a gift
I think that skipping altogether is over reacting, but if you are dead set on those presents coming from you then ask her to return them.
Could you get other big presents instead or something to go with the presents MIL got.
Example: if she got a bike get a bike jump or something.
I would be so happy if this happened to me, and I got to save money on gifts, especially with how expensive everything is. Can I have your mother in law??? Also please don’t punish your children because you’re mad at her.
or you can be appreciative of the face that your babies are so loved!
I understand your feelings for sure, there’s a very distinct, yet fine line of respect when it comes to how people should react/behave with OUR kids… like these are our decisions to make as parents and shouldn’t be challenged… but is THIS really worth it? Does your kid really care if they got this “big” item from you or from their grandma? Put on a smile and be like OMG AWESOME and be happy you have a good $100 to save for gas or groceries, or a mani/pedi. That’s my take on it.
Just talk to her about it. Say next year can you ask first, we planned on buying for them. But thank you!
Just pick your battles.
And this is why you don’t tell people your list for the kids just give suggestions or a separate list of things the kids like
Maybe sit and have a word tell her that your not happy with what she has done
If you want your kids to be happy, you will go there for Christmas and behave yourself. They would be hurt, otherwise.
Wow. Maybe try being an adult and use your words to communicate she asked, he told her, she bought them. If you have a problem SAY you have a problem. Good grief
I don’t think she meant harm especially if your husband didn’t tell her that those were specifically supposed to come from Santa. Can’t you just buy them something else just as cool that maybe you didn’t have the money for before? You have to pick your battles. Merry Christmas
Your husband told her lol be grateful
Definitely something that shouldn’t even be an argument not every argument needs to be a battle and this is one of them. Thank her, times are tough for a lot of people and you have some one who bought your babies good gifts. Don’t punish them by skipping Christmas with her because you’re being a cry baby.
Did you or your husband specifically say “WE are getting these things, WE are very excited to give them to the kids ourselves?”
If not, she could’ve just honestly been trying to help out and get the kids things they wanted. Maybe she only asked your husband to get ideas for what she should buy them.
If it truly means that much to you, tell her how much it meant. Tell her it offended you. Then give her the money for the gifts, give your kids the gifts yourself, and tell her she can buy them something else (give her suggestions if she needs them).
Normally I am very defensive and get triggered by MIL stepping on toes (my ex-MIL was awful and had no boundaries), but in this instance, it could’ve been an honest mistake.
If she does stuff like this regularly then skip her house. It’s a power move and it’s not okay. If this was a one off type thing then have a conversation with her and explain why it upset you.
Sounds like your husband told her so she bought them maybe there was a bit of miscommunication. I personally wouldn’t be upset by this, I mean as long as the kids are happy, does it matter who gave the best gifts?
Christmas is not about the glory of giving the flashiest present. Find something nice to give your kids, a hug and a kiss, enjoy the day and include your mother in law. Next time, keep your intended gifts a secret.
Yes you are over reacting . I would be grateful.
How old are the kids , will they even realize?
She asked your husband , if he didn’t say this is what we are getting and then give other suggestions then she probably got what he said because she wanted something you guys wanted them to have .
Life is to short ,believe me you will have many chances to buy more toys .
I would have been thrilled if my MIL had taken it upon herself to purchase those gifts for her grandkids. It would have been like receiving a gift for myself, look how much money I would have saved.
She asked your husband told her she bought. Be pissed at your husband. Personally, I’d keep my mouth shut and say thank you
Be grateful that you have grandparents in your kids lives go buy something else big with that money or be happy you get to save it now
Your husband is to blame. He told her. But I would be thankful she is getting it. Use the money you were gonna spend on a family outing. And next time tell your husband the big items are only from you.
I understand what you are saying but be grateful. My ex MIL never bought my kids a bloody thing
Did you husband tell her it was okay for her to buy them? It seems like she asked what was left to get them, he told her, she got them. Unless he told her yall wanted to buy them, and for her to get them something else, I’m not sure I understand the big deal . I mean, seems like maybe a miscommunication, but it sound like she asks him what was left they wanted, he told her. She got it… unless you decide to actually skip taking them over there, they will still have the gifts , will they not? They will still be excited to open and play with them?
Thank her and move on, appreciate the fact , let grandparents spoil those babies a little
My mil is not involved in my children’s lives. She doesn’t check on them, buy them anything etc. I get wanting credit for something and especially seeing your kids reactions but some of us would love for our mother in law to be involved. Look at the bright side. You saved money.
That is completely on your husband, she ASKED HIM before buying anything.
You have two options…
To be a completely ungrateful bit*%^ and buy the things so you can give them to your kids first .
Be grateful for her gesture and buy something different for your kids .
Ugh my mother does this. Typical narcissist has to take the glory
Just suck it up and go. The next day you will realize that it wasn’t too bad and you saved money. Then text her a week later and let her know kindly how you felt about it all and ask next year if yall can coordinate better (also hubby needs to know not to tell her everything either lol)
Wow!!! I sure as hell wish I had family that could help with Christmas!! Sorry, but you are overreacting!! More than welcome to send it my way But seriously. Take the money and open a savings account for the kids, buy them something else they really wanted, use it for something you really wanted! Who knows!! Take it as a gift and keep on freakin’ moving!!! (My way of being nice)
Tbh sounds like she was just trying to help you guys out. Usually I’d say otherwise but it sounds like a miscommunication and your kids aren’t going to remember who got them the gifts.
I say put those funds you were going to spend in an emergency fund // rainy day fund.
Sometimes things like this happen and we don’t understand til we are looking back that they were blessings in disguise.
Buy them yourselves and give them to the kids first. Let her buy hers. They can stay at her house.
Save the money that you were going to spend and go on a mini vacation when the kids get the next school break it’s a win win
Now you know to never give her those type of ideas again
It was 100 percent not her fault your husband gave her your list and she was helping. Explain yourself to her and share the credit
Well then your husband should have told her that. But be thankfull she wanted to do that. Give them something else.
you should be grateful she wants to help freezing her out is childish
Choose your battles, this is not one of them. It’s petty shit like this that stirs up a lot of family conflict because of a stupid misunderstanding… Don’t be that woman please
Yes. Gives you the opportunity to get them something else big so your kids get 2 big things
I wonder if this was her trying to help you all.
Grow up maybe
your luckily she is still alive and/or wants to be part of your kids life. Let them enjoy their time together. If you skip her house or worse yet ,force your kids to skip her house that would be the most selfish thing you could ever do and will forever ruin their relationship with their grandmother… again… grow up …
Buy the kids something else. Problem solved.
I would be happy. Be grateful
I had a toxic ml like this unfortunately she allways won but my partner at the time was as nasty as her
Sounds like she was trying to help you out. I wish a million times over I still had someone to love my kids like m MIL did.
Yeah your over reacting, just have her put from mom and dad and call it a day. In the end the kids got what you wanted to get anyways and you saved money. It’s a win win
You sound petty as yuck. SMH
Be happy. No need to cause drama over someone saving you money
I think she had good intentions. However should’ve asked you first, is it okay if I get said things for them. I understand where you’re coming from.
I do not care about getting “ credit “ for buying the big presents or the presents my daughter wants the most , as long as she gets it and is happy , I’m Oky
Take it as a sweet gesture!! It makes them feel good to help be thankful ur kiddos and u hav grandparents that want to help!! Trust there r a lot of people that would be so happy to hav that!
I think if you want to be mad at somebody you ought to be mad at your husband lol( but I really don’t think you should be mad at anyone) after all he’s the one who told her what you guys still hadn’t bought. Personally though I don’t think it should matter at least they’re getting the things you wanted them to have why does it matter who they came from?
Be grateful and choose different things
You know how many people o see struggling to even buy on gift? Be grateful.
Let it go for now and talk with hubby about if it happens next year what u would like to say and get from MIL… Live and learn
Be grateful for your MIL.
Buy them something else that they really wanted
It might be their last christmas …you never know…just be happy and save some money lol …presents are not the greatest factor during Christmas stop being so selfish and buy them other things
Whose happiness matters the most? You or your kids? Be grateful they have a grandmother that loves them. Can’t always get your way.
You’re completely overreacting
She just saved you money!! Lol. Be grateful! The kids aren’t going to know who bought the gifts! Be thankful they saved you money for something else.
I’m a grandma and Santa comes to my house to🎅🏻
Id be very grateful if my MIL got presents that i wanted to instead… means i dont need to spend much… i have 6 yr old and 2 yr old i still havent bought presents for xmas as they get from their grandparents and uncle, friends… they are already overwhellmed and older one dosnt ever ask me what i got him he gets alot on the day. I personally would be thankful especially if its somwthing thats abit dearer!
Eh. I would be happy about saving money. Plus in a year the kids won’t even remember the gifts they got. The ONLY gift I remember getting as a kid is a stuffed panda bear I got from my great grandma when I was 6 or 7, we saw it at a store and I asked for it. She said no. I put it back and then opened it up a few months later for Christmas and cried. I still have it.
Also, you should probably be more mad at your husband than your MIL, because he’s the one that told her what to buy. So no. I wouldn’t skip Christmas with her. She was given a list of things to buy and she bought them. Maybe get your kids a few more little presents to make up the difference.
If your husband told her what they wanted and she bought them, I wouldn’t be upset. If it’s something you want to buy don’t tell others.