My kids don't feel welcome around the guy I am dating: Advice?

Dump him, kids come before boyfriends. Wait until they are in college to date again, focus on them!!!

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Ur kids shld always come first over n e man.

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Honey all you did was leave one dirtbag for another. No one on this earth or 6 feet under is going to talk to my kids any kind of way and I allow it. It’s not that important to have a man if he’s going to be emotionally abusive to you and your kids. He is dividing the household and you are allowing it. Children need someone who will advocate for them

Bottom line, those are your kids, you need to leave the idiot.

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You made the decision to have those children ,and because of their ages they have to be with you . He is an adult he doesn’t HAVE to be there ,you don’t owe him anything however you do owe your kids a safe secure environment to live in.

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I think you need to realize everything you just said. Big point… This guy’s true colors have came out. Get out while you can. Abuse of any kind isn’t a hayday to overcome. Yes, it is easier for everyone to tell you to leave than actually doing so. My mother stayed with my father who was abusive for 20 years. That’s 20 years of abuse!! Take it from me… Get out of any relationship that has red flags and don’t waste your time questioning yourself. It may take time but you will Thank yourself later down the line.

I’m sorry but how is this even a question? The fact that he’s making racist comments to your children should be enough to kick his ass out! No way no how would anyone, be it man, woman or child, family or friend would get away with doing that shit to my babies, they do it once and that is it your leaving right now or I’m kicking your ass, you got 10 seconds so I suggest you run! Your children shouldn’t have to be subjected to that crap that he’s putting on them. He’s a peice of crap and should be treated as such, flush his ass!

Children first! Always. You don’t even know him, he change and how can you be sure he will not start to be abusive to you even? Nothing to think about really. Leave

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He has taken a stand. If you accept it stay, if you think there is a better life for you and children leave. He is what he is. It is going to be difficult either way. God bless

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You already know the answer to your own question. What real man would make you put a divider between your older kids ?? Yes it means doing it all by yourself again but it also means there health, and safety and in the long run yours as well. Only a matter of time before he turns his anger on you for not getting rid of your older children for him and his kids…

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Ur man is stupid very very stupid

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He’s abusive to your kids. Why is this even a question ??

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You’re letting a man abuse your kids. If your kids sat down with an officer from child protective services and told them everything, what do you think would happen? Think about that. Think about having the elder kids taken from your custody. You’d have to leave him to get them back then. On top of paying court costs and going to parenting classes.
Sure, be scared of being on your own with four kids.
But, be more scared of living with an individual who could cause you to lose 2 of them. Having them in foster care where who knows what will happen to them. Having to fight CPS to get them back. Still on your own. Because of him.
Because trust and believe if they got taken away from you he would NOT be helping you get them back. He wouldn’t want you to get them back. :coffee::eyes:
Think about THAT.

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Upur future is yours. It us for u to deside. Kids have no business making adult decisions. If u fond someone who is good to u dont hive that up. Your kids will grow up move out have their lives and wives. It will be u alone i am sorry i was not a mom that let my kids run my life your child should not have the power to pick your spouse. Believe me u wont pick theirs. My kids didnt raise me i raised them its one thing if he is abusing your kids. If thats the case he needs to go but being with u is not abuse to them. U have the right to be happy

“Relatively kind to you” and doesn’t like your kids. I don’t think you need advice, I think you need to look for resources to help yourself do what you know you need to do!

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Thats not a excuse your children dont feel welcomed around him u need to leave the fear of having 4 kids and being single will fade the way ur children feel will not. I have a set of twins and did it by myself for the most part u need to put how those kids feel and the way they are being talked to first and ur fears last im not saying he cant see the twins im just saying u need to leave before it gets worse

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Choose your kids over everyone else!!! Choose your kids! Forget the damn guy!!

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It’s time to move on from this guy. I think you already know that. That’s not a healthy environment to raise kids in. Yes, it’ll be hard at first. Especially with two new babies. But I strongly believe you can and will. Do it for the happiness and health of all your babies. But if you have a strong support team behind you I’m sure you’ll be ok. :blush: But definitely chose your children over this nimrod.

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The children should not suffer for the sins of their father. Your partner is very rude and should never treat a child like that, let alone children he chose to take on when the 2 of you got together. When you take on a solo parent you take the whole package. This is disgusting! You need to love your kids and leave. You did it once you can do it again.

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Leave. You wont be doing it alone, you have a 12 & 14 year old that will respect you so much and be so relieved that you left that they will help you with the twins. It will ultimately be more difficult to stay with him than to do it alone.

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All I read was my kids dont feel comfortable… do u really need a answer :roll_eyes:

Yes. Your kids come first.

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Poor things women have to take so much pain for finding true love… I can feel the pain that u r going through… If u r financial independent and if u can take care of all the kids… Appoint a nanny and do it… Suck him out and again don’t ever go behind a man or give give him the liberty to enter your life and rule you. Be your own queen. Enough is enough.

You need to leave this person as soon as you can for yours and your children’s sake.

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What part of “nice guy” is this jerk ass. Nice ass, nice hair? Damn your children are suffering. What are you doing about it? Gimme your address I’m going to send you some “kick ass out & condoms.”

Good grief…do you really have to ask…run. its obvious

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Give him the babies and bounce.

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“my partner started making rude comments towards my kids of their race and their father”

LEAVE HIM!

“fast forward my partner has continued these side remarks and has put a divider between me and my older kids they don’t feel welcome when he is around”

YOU, have caused the divide between those poor kids and yourself, because YOU have continued to choose him, over YOUR CHILDREN!

“and he has told me he dosnt want my older kids holding the babies which I don’t pay no mind”

Why doesn’t it surprise me that you’re dismissing this pricks blatant HATE of your children.
I mean, even Stevie Wonder would have seen that coming!

“has anyone ever had an issue like this where the true colours of a person comes out when their children come I don’t know what to do”

You don’t know what to do? 🤦 Are. You. Serious!!

LEAVE!!! Duh!

“I would be happier but going at it alone again with two more kids is just scaring me I feel really depressed at times about all of this and just don’t know what to do”

It isn’t about you! PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN!

“he is relatively kind to me”

Not if he is racially abusing your children.
He should have been gone after the FIRST time he did it. But you have continued to allow those innocent children to be abused.

“he dosnt dislike my older kids”

Yes, he does. And that isn’t going to change, because he’s racist.

“When he sees my older one it reminds him of my x”

He doesn’t like your son, because he is a racist, abusive prick. NOT because what you say your ex did to you.
This new guy doesn’t care about or respect you, either. Why would he care what your ex did.

But you don’t know what to do?
LEAVE!
PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN.
THAT IS YOUR JOB!

Wake up your children come first no matter what you did it once you can do it againyou need to protect all your children qod bless you all

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I agree with others. You already know what to do… LEAVE! The first time he made the comments was a red flag, the second time, you should have left. You will loose your other children if you don’t. They will see you as picking this guys side over them. Don’t do that. If he truly loved you he wouldn’t be saying these things about your other children.

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Kids come first
I understand it will be rough
Yet he is wrong for what he is doing
Show him the door

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Kids always come first. No way I would allow anyone to speak negatively to my children. He would be gone so fast.

You are selfish for even thinking of your fears before the verbal abuse of this guy to your kids. And get your damn tubes tied after the twins. Harsh? yes. Necessary? Yes

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I don’t care what the circumstances if any man abused my kids in any way he’d be GONE.

Always, always listen to your children,. Observe how they are when he is around. Do NOT let him alone with your children. Move on my friend so you don’t find your kids are suffering in ways you never even thought of. Believe me.

Kids know BS when they see it and he’s proving his a POS, dump his ass and move on. Get better birth control, anyone can donate sperm, takes a real man to be a father. Find out if it’s a father material before you start getting into sex. Your kids will thank you for it, make sure they are part of the dating process when you bring a guy around. Ask them questions and so on, let them know their opinion is important to you.

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You’re letting him say things like that to your kids and you haven’t met him yet? You need to leave asap

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I think the fact that you never said you love him said it all.Your kids come first and you need to let them know no matter what you have to go through my yourself you have their backs.

You need to be a strong mom and leave. Don’t let a temporary man hurt a forever relationship with your children. Run and don’t look back.

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Get rid of him. If he does not love your kids then he’s not good enough for you

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Leave. Heal. Love your babies.

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Leave, your kids deserve to know that they come first in your life. Your boyfriend needs to go if he can’t respect all of your children.

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My kid’s always came 1st when dating. If they didn’t love and treat them as they deserve, I moved on. Never settle. Not for you or your kid’s. They deserve to be loved and it’s your responsibility to ensure that’s what they get.

Are you kidding and you question this??? :frowning: :frowning: :frowning: sorry but you are clearly NOT ready to be in a relationship you are repeating the same pattern different guy.
First get help with that.
He’s making comments to your kids? Come on wake up seriously.
I know how it is to be blinded by love but your teaching your kids yes a guy can disrespect you and yes put up with it. Because a man come first.
No girl you come first take care of you so you can have a healthy relationship and not put up with losers.
Your kids are your world show them that.

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I’m so sorry you are going through this. I wish I had an answer to make it all okay. What I can tell you is you got this momma.

Ditto’s here…
Its abuse & if you choose to stay, your babies will n are suffering. I left such a man 4 months ago, after 6 years of that shit.

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Leave!!! What are you waiting for. Your kids come first. My daughter is married to a man that treats her daughter like his own. It sounds like this man is not capable of that! You deserve better and especially they do! It may be scary now but will probably get worse. RUN!!

You put yourself in this situation you could have said you were abused but not everthing ur ex did to you now he feels some type of way towards your childfen you should leave its only going to get worse for your oldest children or you only care about the twins and him

ALWAYS pick your kids! If you don’t want the twins, I am trying to adopt. No questions asked! I have tons of baby stuff already!

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Should have left the first time he said things about your kids. Period. What Mama really even needs to be told these things? Seriously?

your kids come first!! the same happened to me. my son’s Father told my daughter to go in her room when I wasn’t home so she couldn’t play with her little brother. i had a very bad car accident and my daughter was only allowed to visit me with him if she would carry my heavy hospital bag (she was 8yrs) after I returned from the hospital i kicked him out… long story short it just got very bad between me and my daughter and took years of therapy to recover from all that. choose your kids first

Why stay in the relationship , when he is putting your kids down. Leave him you will be much happier.

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Girl go. Get out now. A man who says things like that about kids…ahhh hell naw. He is some of the lowest kind of men.

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Get the fuck away from him!!

You already know what to do, why get on facebook and ask for advice?

Your first responsibility are your children. They need a loving home were they are accepted and loved. With that said you know what you need to do.

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You’re still with him because…

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I see a narcissistically typical controlling bully, what I don’t read is the point where this all started you didn’t put your foot down and make it crystal clear to him they are my kids not yours and if you ever make a comment that is abusive, insulting, degrading or try to break down my kids self worth your ass can stay out of my kids life’s as they were here before you, and educate him on the comments and let him know we’re a package and in the same breath ask him how would he react if someone said that to his kids ?? Is it ok? Is it right? Would it affect you ? How do you think it affect the kids? You said your x and father of your first kids was abusive to you,what does your partner think he will do to him when he finds out how you allow him to treat his kids? War Yeah your partner only has two kids but you know you have four children not 5 including him who you have dish a reality check to that his behavior is childish, disrespectful and putting a wedge between you and your first kids whom I’m sure you love them blindly so why can’t he be colour blind too

Excuses are like a**holes honey and you have gotton tangled up with one! Nothing should ever come between a Mama and her children! There is a lot of of wrong that needs to be addressed in your relationship with him! There is also a good bit of missing information.

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Y’all woman will never learn… Stop having kids with ever man that comes along … problem solved

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Are you choosing a man over your damn kids??? Are you seriously asking what to do??? SMH all it would have took was once for me and I would have been out the door!!!

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Obviously he’s extremely immature to ever treat your children cruelly simply because of who their father is!!! So he “forgets” that YOU (the woman he supposedly loves) is their mother!!?? SMH

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Your other children should be welcomed in him arms and heart as you are. You cannot mistreat a child, dislike a child because of who their parent is or what their parent has done. Question, so if you are away from home during the night and your house caught fire, would he only get his kids out? Because if your other kids die “their father dies”??? That’s some bullshit. Children shouldn’t have to grow up with someone like that. You don’t know how they really feel deep down or what they’ve over heard. I’d have to leave.

I think you already know the answer but are looking for someone else to tell you “that’s the wrong thing to do” make your decision and stick by it. If he truly loved you … all of you … this would include your other kids.

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Get out! All of your children deserve to have a life without this kind of stress. You made it before and the two older children can and should be helpful.

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Bye Felicia kids come first

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If he disrespects your kids and you allow it after so long…hes no longer the issue you are cause you aren’t defending your kids. So if you choose to stay with him expect that in the future your kids will pull away from you

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Get rid of him. Your kids are the priority.

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You’re allowing him to verbally abuse your children and call them racist slurs. Sick! It’s abuse.

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I hope you leave him, I found out the hard way, :sleepy:he is showing his true colors and it’s not gonna get better. It will hurt, it will be hard, but in the end it will be so worth it

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Are you for real? You’re allowing a man to disrespect your kids - who are an extension of you! Send him packing and raise your babies. It’s that simple.

Your asking this??? I think you know the answer. Your kids should come first stop being so stupid and walk

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you dont need him let the older 2 help you and your right you will be much happier he as a new father should know not to judge a child on wat their parent did

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He hates ur kids and will only get worse

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Girl u got all the help you need!!! Talk to your oldest kids, tell them u need their help …I’m sure they won’t mind! But u gotta ditch this guy

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Been there and like I told him. My kids need me. :woman_shrugging:t2: I’m a mother first and I don’t see that as a choice. Side comments are hurtful and the more it lasts the more respect you will lose from your children. That’s the worst. I’m sorry because I’m sure you feel stuck but you gotta get out. :persevere: My opinion. :v:

You need to get rid of him. Kids always come first. Narcissists dont change. As for him not letting the molder kids hold their siblings. Wow he is showing his co trolling behavior… you need to send him packing otherwise your kid’s will suffer.
No excuses are ever acceptable… you have to put all your children first.
Remember men come and go ,your kids are there forever.

Well from experience I can tell you that if you want your children to absolutely hate the shit out of you stay; but if you really love your kids run and never look back! My lesson learned

Leave him. If you stick it out with him your older kids will grow up resenting you and feeling like you chose him over them because it’s clear to everyone, including them, that he’s rude to them.

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Get rid of him. Your kids deserve better. They are more important than him.

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Girl grab a skillet, and perform some cognitive programming. Just kidding but I be damned if a man makes my kids feel unwelcome. I am the type I would assume to stab them than to put up with foolishness

I hate to say it but…if he cant accept ur previous kids and treat them like his own…run. my ex did that and it didnt end up well for the 2 that werent his. He ended up being abusive toward them and ended up causing a lot of problems. I didnt leave when i saw the signs…wish i had now

Your kids come first and a guy like that is a piece of shit for making your kids feel like outsiders in their own home. You made it work before on your own with the kids, you can do it again, and you’ll have two little helpers there who love their little siblings.

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New guy. Kids first ALWAYS.

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Always trust your Children’s feelings.

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You never chose a man over your children, they are your first concern, if they feel uncomfortable, then there’s your answer!

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Your kids come first leave him

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Run it will only get worse. Your kids should come first over a man anyday !!

And your still with him?!?!? Your kids come first plan and simple

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Unbelievable, is this really an issue for real? Let’s see my new man or my children?!??! Lmfao​:woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming:

My situation almost mirrors yours. Long story short, it escalated to my partner beating up my son, he went to jail, and CPS was in my house ready to take all my children. Leave him. Aftermath, your older children are broken but will love and appreciate you for choosing them. They see you accept it. You think that’s bad, your twins love their loving dad and doesn’t see what you all see. They wont understand and will be angry and sad. It was hard dealing with both perspectives while trying to keep it together myself. Let me tell you though, it was hard but the weight that was lifted from my shoulders of not having to deal with the daily bullshit of sly comments, bickering, and just chaos. Its peaceful now and the kids are fine.

He just does not like your kids it has nothing to do with their father is and what they did to you. If you continue with him your kids will resent you at some point. Make a decision

Somehow I think she already knows the answer… please leave now before anymore damage is done to your older children, choose your children…

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If you really need to ask what to do with a guy who’s talking shit about your kids race and he doesn’t want them to hold the new babies, their brothers, then you have a serious mental problem… your kids are the most important thing and deserve respect, idk if you can see it but this guy hate your kids and doesn’t love you at all…

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Stop dating him. Walk away quickly :+1:

He will only get worse…Don’t put your children, any of them, through that.

Counselling.

He sounds terrible

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Step back and listen to your kids

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Your kids come 1st no matter what him using the excuse of how there father treated u every times he sees them is a pathetic excuse personally I’d get rid of him dont let him break up your family

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Whoever has a issue with what I am about to say GROWUP AND GET OVER IT… (forgive me for this farther) for you to allow a man to disrespect your children and their father says two things to me 1. It really doesn’t bother you as much as you say it does. And 2 you put the man that you’re with in front of your kids. Then you said the things he says to them make your skin crawl obviously it doesn’t because you don’t care enough to correct what he says at all. Then he doesn’t want your older children holding their baby siblings is dead wrong. Sooner or later things are going to get worse so If I were you I would either correct it while I can or leave… that man Is going to cause your children to hate you and never want to speak to you again!!

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