My kids don't feel welcome around the guy I am dating: Advice?

Wtf seriously, you know what you have to do!!! Your still with this sad excuse of a man!!! Get rid, it’s a no brainer, YOUR KIDS COME FIRST! No one and I mean no one would ever get to speak to my kids in a disrespectful manner! Your children are old enough to understand. Do u want them growing up thinking that it’s acceptable to treat or be treated the way they are. Pack his shit and get him gone, for the sake of yourself and most importantly your children

If he sees your ex in your oldest and he doesnt like your ex thats a major red flag… He doesnt like your kid either he just wont say it cause he knows its not a good look. Id save up make a get away plan and go. Kids got to come first.

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He’s faulting your other kids because their dad?.. no tell him yes they are from him but before there wasn’t an issue. If he can’t see them as a commitment too with the twins you have to do what’s best for all. Counseling might help if willing to see what he’s doing to them

You need to leave him ASAP before he teaches the same to the babies and continues to spread ignorance. Your kids come first idc how old they are. They need to b raised to love each other n b closer than white on rice as siblings and he isn’t doing that. You know what’s going on and if you stay, you don’t care and your future will regret it.

He’s full of it, just trying to isolate you which includes removing the kids that aren’t his. See the red flags

Tell him to go to hell and leave!!! Why put you older kids through that???

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No respectable person would be mean to any child!!! Especially knowing they already have been threw abuse in the past as well!!! He’s a selfish human being!!! He’s trying to push them out of your life, they are a part of you an it should effect you too if he’s nasty to your children!!! It’s an excuse there reminding him of your past!!! He will probably be mean to his children!!! Sounds like verbal abuse!!! I hope your kids get some counseling so they don’t feel unwanted!!!

Lose the loser,he will never change ,he is a hater

At the very worst you have found yourself in another abusive relationship; in that he is controlling and coercive. At the least he is very immature and petulant. Both are totally unacceptable. You’re in an extremely vulnerable situation. Your responsibilities are clear. You have four children you love equally. Your partner is an adult. If he can’t adult he is baggage. You older children deserve much better and you’ve done it once, you can do it again

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Wow. Um you need to just leave. Those kids have nothing to do with what your ex did. He has no right blame them. He should treat them just like he treats his. When y’all got together it was a package deal. That is not fair or right to treat the older ones different. It WILL eventually end up just you him and the twins. Don’t loose those kids over a man. I am sorry this is happening. Those kids deserve better and so do you. I know it’s hard being alone with two kids. And just being alone. But aren’t your children worth it…?

Who told he doesn’t dislike your older kids ?

Are you kidding me ?

Common tell yourself the truth that he hates those kids before it’s too late.

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Idiots like that are in every corner!! Men come and go ur kids are urs!!! Its ur job to protect them if u don’t who will? LEAVE u shouldn’t have to choose between a man and ur kids or worse he shouldn’t tell u to choose his kids over ur 1st and second child hes Garbage!! It’s only going to get worse.

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You think it’s bad now? Wait a couple more years, and then a couple more. You will end up alone and broken with the children you had with him and without the children from your first marriage. Start making plans to get out now.

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Leave him and put your kids first before yourself…that’s what a good parent does!

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  1. Send him packing. 2. Apologize to your children. 3. Get some counseling to try to figure out why you allow these type of men into your life. Good luck

If you want to keep all of your children in your life, he needs to go. Especially if he’s holding their reaction and father against them, 2 things that are there farthest out of their control. I would’ve ended it when the bullshit started. No man is worth compromising your kids comfort, self esteem and happiness.

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You only have 1 shot at raising those kids and right now, you are allowing him to abuse them.

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Leave. It won’t get better. And it will ruin your relationship in the end with your older kids.
As harsh as it seems if you can’t do it and he’s not going to be an active parent or have partial custody or full custody, adoption may be an option.
All you’ll be doing is bringing two more kids into an already bad situation. You’ll end up having siblings pitted against each other if he’s involved

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Go it alone and get rid of him. No man comes before your kids, let alone a racist pos who will teach your younger kids to be racist towards the elder children. He is already trying to control you by telling you who can hold your children. Isolating your from your eldest kids. Red flags are already there. RUN WHILE YOU CAN.

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Choose him a wrong reason… Never let babies go if they are not belong to him… If i were in your shoes, I choose kids over him… Never date again. Keep children raises. There never love in any men. They’re looking for sex. This year all men are players and destroy your life… Kick your date man out out out…

Everyone says leave :woman_facepalming:
Put your foot down, pull him up. Your eldest children don’t need to be treated any differently. You came as a package, whatever your ex did he didn’t do to him and the children had nothing to do with it either. He has no right trying to be so controlling over the babies and who touches them. At the end of the day they are/should be all treated fairly.
Let him know he is causing issues and constantly bringing up the past that you and your eldest children have tried to move on from.

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Ur kids come first… I know ur carrying his but ur kids need u. Especially after being in an abusive relationship to then get spoken to and treated like this is just awful for them. I’d be running a mile with my kids and just setting up an agreement with him when his kids are born for visits etc xx

He’s talking like that to your kids. You’re the problem for not defending them. He sounds like dead weight.

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No question.leave him.You can do it.Hes no good.

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Is this for real? :thinking::skull:

Dump the guy. Your kids come first and are a good indicator that something is wrong.

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Once he started on my kids he would have been gone then.

Your children ALWAYS come first REGARDLESS

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Kids always come 1st i dont care who or what is the issue, your kids were here 1st and did not ask to ne brought into this world just like your twins didnt either. He will get worst once the babies are born get out of dodge now before its to late and the ones that end up leaving are your kids.

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First a mother then a woman. Don’t choose a man over your kids.

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A lot of red flags here darlin I would run. It takes a lot of gumption to go but I think it would be best for you and ALL of your children.

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Damm….Sucky story and I am so sorry for your older kids…That “MAN” of yours is very disrespectful …He should have known that he got the WHOLE package and not just you and his kids…Very sad…PAY EXTRA ATTENTION TO THE OLDER ONES…LET THEM KNOW YOU LOVE THEM EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY!! Let it ride ….Love and hugs to you.

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If hes treating your kids like that you shouldnt be here posting you should packing his shit. YOUR KIDS SHOULD COME FIRST… point blank period…

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Hes a lowlife piece of shit. Leave. That child doesn’t remind him of your ex. He’s full of shit and just as abusive. Want a relationship with your kids later? Leave that prick

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you had kids when he met you tell him to get over it or get out

your kids are more important

Didnt he know you & your kids were a PACKAGE deal, maybe he needs 2 b reminded, although I dont think people change, he is showing his true colors, remember children dont choose their parents, we are here to protect them

Get out I promise you it will never change NEVER it’s never right for anyone period to be racist unless u are and it’s ok but a child no matter what age has nothing to do with his or anyone else’s issues Leave your life will be so much better, your gonna wait for someone who has already destroying your kids it’s only more ugly as time goes and why no matter what the situation would you want him if he’s that way

If you don’t protect your ch what does that say about you

Wtheck is wrong w you?! This is just like those “women” who let their bf’s abuse & end up murdering their kids. I hope your ex gets full, sole custody for allowing you & your bf to mentally & emotionally abuse these kids.

Find a family counselor and try to work it out first. If that doesn’t change the way he treats your children… leave.

I think I’d some disrespects your children they are disrespecting you… Stand up for your kids and send him packing before you miss out on awesome things like your first grandkids …

Did you say he makes racist comments to your kids? And you dont know what to do??? Are you kidding me? God bless your poor kids, how awful for them.

Thats an excuse card he is playing. Ur kids r ur priority and make that clear to him that either u like my older kids or u lose me

Get the F away from him ASAP. That kind of abuse will follow them into adulthood and you may never get your relationship back with them. I mean do whatever it takes to leave him, please! For the sake of your children, your babies. One day you will look back and wish you had left sooner.

Your older kids can’t hold the little one’s? Why ? Your partner is racially abusing your kids too? Because they look like their dad …that’s bollocks…your allowing your kids to be abused your kids should come first …next it will be you then the little ones tell him to fuck off …you managed before you can do it again

My question is…why are you still there? Sounds like your boy is more important to you than your kids .

I’m sorry but hes saying racial remarks towards ur kids,that alone shows how ignorant he is. 2nd… pregnant or not,U DON’T have to stay with him due to that…U said U had gotten out a previous abusive relationship…well this is also a abusive relationship, Verbal abuse an d emotional abuse.
So kick that mutha fuka to the curb …DONT EXCUSE HIS BAD REMARKS OR BAD BEHAVIOR,UR JUST AS GUILTY IF U DO.

Get him away from your kids they are your first priority if he is disrespecting them he is disrespecting you he is not a decent man to be around any child a man needs to show love to a child so they will know how to love he’s not it

Leave him. Plain and simple it’s kids first. :woman_shrugging:

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if he doesnt respect your children he doesnt respect you. your kids are apart of you! boy bye!

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leave him cant even believe you are asking what to do

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You deserve to be happy. Your kids can help you with the babies. Dont get back into a bad situation . Wishing you the best. Hugs.

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Wtf… red flags everywhere

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Kids come first get out you will be fine on your own you have raised babies before you can do it again and you have two older ones who can help with chores and stuff you won’t be alone in it all

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I dont see why you’re asking. :woman_facepalming:t4: yes itll be tough but you are better off alone if you stay your kids are just gonna resent you.

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Dont ever let any man treat your kids that way your a mother before you are any mans girlfriend or wife life is scary but youll be ok

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He needs to learn to separate the two. He can’t hold your exes faults against your children. You are a package deal & they should always be held higher than a man. If he can’t accept & treat them right then he gotta go!

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If your children are not comfortable around someone you are dating then the solution is to stop dating him. Your children come first and they deserve and are entitled to feel safe in their own home and around someone you are seeing, in this case they don’t so HE NEEDS TO GO!

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Always choose your kids b4 a man they will love u more for it …BLOOD IS THICKER THEN WATER …

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Leave. Your kids need to come first, you dont want them to start avoiding you

Yes and Id leave them. Your kids are more important!

Fuck him. Your kids come first. Kick his ass out.

He would have been gone the moment he started making rude comments about my kids. Idc. Idc. Kids ALWAYS come first, no matter how YOU feel. He’s no good!

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I think you know what you should do and I also think you know you’re capable of bringing up the babies on your own, you have done it before… You’ve got this Mamma :two_hearts:

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I rarely skip straight to “leave” and usually advise communication and compromise first. However, being rude to your children and making racist remarks is not ok.
He is not treating them well and this goes beyond simple differing parenting styles.

I would leave. Your kids will he happier and so will you and I’m sure they will be more than willing to help you where they can.

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I can’t believe you have stayed with him knowing how he treats your children :open_mouth::open_mouth: why do you even need to ask this question?!

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How could you stay when he was already mean to your children?

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You can do it.
Leave for the sake of everyone.

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This will be the first time i comment this: LEAVE! LEAVE NOW! Your older kids will be able to help you with the twins and chores :heart:

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OMG! You already know the answer to what you are asking! He is already abusive to your children! Do not stay with this man!

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Your kids come first, especially since he is being abusive. I know it’s hard, but you can make it on your own.

He’s a complete a$$hole. Get out while you can save your relationship with your kids.

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Have you talked to him? Give him an ultimatum, accept your kids or loose this familt

Get out it doesn’t matter what the ex you do not bully children and that’s what he is doing to them I have 2 all white children and 3 that are half Mexican and IDC who or what you are to me I will remove you from my life if you make even the smallest snide remark about their race

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Umm he got to go… In my eyes

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Leave him!!! Your x is not the kids fault. The older two can’t help that’s their dad. You can help your kids by leaving him. Your kids are teenagers and can help this time. It’s not your kids, my kids, it’s our kids. If he doesn’t like this than good bye. I was a single mom to three small kids and may have been hard it was better than the abuse. You are carrying his children he shouldn’t want you to be depressed. Leave before he completely ruins the relationship you have with your older kids

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Your kids are more important that your feelings and fear remember that. They are being emotionally and verbally abused again of course they don’t want to be around him kick him out and file for child support and parenting plan. Your kids won’t come back to you untill you do that

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Yes it will b hard BUT go go fast ur children the ones that aren’t his WILL resent u for letting him treat them different than his own there r woman’s shelters or places that can help u land on ur own 2 feet! From experience I’m telling u RUN FAST !

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If he can’t love them all like his own, then do without him!! Point blank period

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Your kids are more important. My current partner treats my older two (5 and 7) just like his own. You need someone like that. Leave him. You’ll be fine. It’s scary but it will be ok and you have the older two to help you! They’ll be greatful and love you more for picking them over him and just sweeping the negative under the rug

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You are seriously with a guy who doesn’t like your kids? Wtf is wrong with you? Your kids come first dump this jerk don’t let him around your family and let your kids know that they are important to you

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Then choose your kids. Always choose your kids. Not sure what’s stopping you? Look at those babies faces and choose them for fucks sake.

Drop the guy kids come first period

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He is not the man for you trust your older children’s gut. He’s showing them and you who he REALLY IS.

Hunny he does dislike your older kids if hes doing it now it’s not going to stop. He doesnt want the older ones to be holding them is also a red flag, those older kids are going to end up resenting the younger ones. If he was a real man he would accept who their father is. Just cause their dad is one way doesnt mean the kids are going to be like him. They dont need that kind of negativity in their life and neither do you or those babys. You can be so in love with some and it not be the right relationship. And if hes treating yours bad I can guarantee you’re going to have problems with him and the younger two as well. Get out while you can. Yes things could be hardly but you’ll get your routine and get it all figured out. It’s hard starting over but it is so doable.

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Uhhh he’ll no ur other kids need you so bad rn, and don’t need to be around that douche bag of a human that’s sad

Throw the whole man away.

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Sometimes you can’t change a hateful person. But you have failed to kind of mentioned what you’re doing to stop this. As far as sitting him down and talking to him. Defending the kids. I’m usually not one for defending the kids in front of them but when it comes to race you should definitely speak up

Kids come 1st… Dosent matter if he dosent like the older kids father. He has no right saying or treating them with remarks. These are all your babies. Your older 2 should be able to hold there siblings. Do not let him emotional abuse your children. Someone who has kids with age difference and two different baby daddy’s kids are (17,16,8,2) all our kids are treated equal and they come first. Your a package deal. No partner weather man or women has the right to bully a child or make a child feel less cause of there bio parent.

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Get out. You know better then to ask this question.

He’s abauove and iscolatiing you it will only get worse he’s using your abuse as a scape goat for his an PATHETIC EXCUSE

Your not alone you have your kids you’d be supposed how quickly your re form your relationship if you leave with your kids !

Stay strong :muscle:t2::heart:

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Ummm what he is doing is abuse…It’s emotional abuse to your kids. And will cause a huge issue and divide between the new babies and your older children. If you don’t solve this right away

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wow how can u even ask that question though he is racist towards your kids idgaf what ur ex did dont allow him to do that he got to go forreal and if u cant see that please seek therpy

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This makes me sad! Leave him! Just because their father was abusive to you etc gives him no right to treat the kids like dirt! My kids are number one no matter how hard I see my life becoming!!

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He sounds a little controlling. If you think you would ultimately be happier without him, then leave. Especially if your kids don’t feel comfortable around him. He can’t blame your kids for what your ex did to you. My ex was a real piece and my current SO treats my kids like his own and we have a baby of our own on the way. There’s no reason for him to treat your kids the way he does.

He’s taking it out on children. He’s mentally abusing your children.

When a new man comes into your life, he should love the kids like his own. ALL the children. Reading your post reminded me of that one part on animal planet where the Male lion starts getting rid of other male cubs after he’s gotten the female lions pregnant with his own cubs. I think you should go to counseling with him or have a long talk about what he is doing to your FAMILY. The CHILDREN come first and he needs to respect that your children are part of YOU and that when he insults THEM he INSULTS YOU. If he is showing his true colors now… then you already know what to do.

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Give him an ultimatum he can either treat your kids good or you’re fucking out. How hard is that? I’d never be with someone who made my kids feel uncomfortable. How awful for them. That just sucks.

You already answered your question , u said u will be happier without him, it will get worse , your kids come first

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