He doesn’t trust you because he knows he can’t be trusted.
I’d be out too. Without trust in a relationship you have nothing. I also wouldn’t want to live my life being tied down like he has you either. Marriage is about love and respect, heavy on the respect. Lying and being deceitful to you is not respectful. Holding the past against you isn’t respectful as well.
But you really have to look and think what is there about the marriage that keeps you in it and is that worth it all. Is it worth all the nights you spend wondering what he’s up to, dealing with all the accusations and fights? Is it worth it to continue to spend your life living in such a way?
We only get one go at it, and I wouldn’t be wasting my time with someone who is undeserving of my time, literal time you can’t get back. Time where you could be happy!
Girl, run. You are worth so much more than those crumbs he is giving you all while stealing your happiness. It’s ok to start over. It’s ok to know your worth. Hugs
No you’re not over reacting. I’d be done. 20 years is a long time to lie to someone that can’t stop messaging a woman for some reason. Also I’m sure there’s been sexual exchanges given his guilt and the fact that he hasn’t let up by now. He’s got issues. Why be afraid to lose someone over chatting with a friend if there’s in fact nothing to hide? It’s sketchy, he’s sketchy, you deserve better.
She’s been his side piece for however long he’s been sneaking/hiding it. She just ain’t got the balls to say it to you. And/or she doesn’t want him full time as her problem. If you all split, she knows whats coming… so, she told you there’s “nothing to worry about”. No woman with self respect or ANY respect would put herself in the middle of someone else’s relationship for that long without a hidden agenda. Girl, sign those papers and move on. Enjoy your life, and someone will come along and show you what it means to be loved whole heartedly.
Bye Felicia. He’s having am emotional affair with her even if it’s not physical. Nope nope nope. He shouldn’t be talking to any other female but his momma or sister!! Men don’t get it do they?
I would say not over reacting. I cant stand a liar, but that’s a long time to just throw away.
Go see a real therapist with your husband. Get it all out in the open. You two can overcome this.
Please…divorce him! I went years being accused of cheating while he was the one “talking” to other women behind my back. The accusations didn’t stop. The holding things that happened years ago didn’t stop. Soon I was isolated because he wouldn’t let me go anywhere. It gets worse!
I’m not in the majority but my husband has many harmless friendships that he used to hide from me. I know he’s not having sex with them and I’m sure most will say sure, but I know. I talked to him about this and told him what I would accept or not accept and we are just fine. I also told him that if he was in love with any of these women, I’d let him go as I truly want him to be happy above all else. My husband makes a great girlfriend. He’s safe to many unhappily married women and has big shoulders to cry on. I’d just find out if it’s a true friendship or emotional affair. Again I’m not like most wives but if you love him, talk it out and find out what they text to each other before giving up on your marriage.
No your not. Run now while you can. Before you find out the rest of the lies.
Usually if people are doing shady business, they will accuse the innocent one of doing shady things. They project their unfaithfulness onto you.
Nope definitely not overreacting. If they are just friends why has she not came around?
He doesn’t trust you because he assumes that if he is doing something wrong you must be too. Guilty conscience but trying to push it off as your fault when it isnt
Some women are perfectly ok with having relationships with married men. You should just move on with your life. He is constantly checking on you to see why the hell you still around, not because he doesn’t trust you.
I have learned that you may love someone but that doesn’t mean you have to be together. Some people stay just because they love someone and end up living there life in a very toxic relationship. At the end of the day ask yourself is this really worth it? Is this what I really want out of life?
Hunnnnyyy, that divorce is going to be the best thing for you. He still accuses you of wrong doing because it’s a direct reflection of what HE’S doing. Calling the girl wasn’t gonna give you any peace of mind, she’ll lie so she doesn’t lose him. If he’s been consistently lying about her and it’s the SAME girl, it’s time to kick his ass to the curb because there’s definitely more going on than either of them is admitting.
It’s an emotional affair…bottom line… can’t tell you how to handle but couples therapy could help if nothing else to figure out if it’s best to continue or go separate ways. Now I would seek therapy for myself just for own sanity especially if he doesn’t comply. Because I have to have my head on straight and need and objective perspective. It helps me make life changing decision. But that’s just me. Wish you what’s best for your situation.
I wouldn’t be ready for a divorce over a lie (although I also don’t believe it’s true that this was nothing more than friendship but that’s a different story)…but you best believe I’d be ready for a divorce over the abuse, control issues and lack of trust. Get out now.
I found out the reason my boyfriend didn’t trust me was cause he was doing things behind my back. I never gave him a reason to not trust me. Now I know the pattern, and how people act the way they do when their doing something wrong
If there’s nothing sexual going on and they’re just friends then he shouldn’t have to hide it at all. 20 years is a long farkin time to be dishonest. I’d leave and let her have him. He doesn’t sound worth it.
What I’ve found is if you don’t trust your SO it’s either A they did something wrong or B you did something wrong. I think honesty is #1 in a relationship and it seems you guys don’t have it. I suggest counseling or leaving. Girl tell your hubby peace
If he thinks ur doing something maybe because he knows how easy it is to do hence him sneaking around and he knows he is guilty. Sign the papers…move on and start a new chapter…you deserve it.
The only reason he’s so concerned about your fidelity is because he himself is unfaithful.
Even if they’ve no done anything physically, emotional affairs are very real. If it’s innocent then he wouldn’t have anything to hide and the woman wouldn’t so desperately try to convince you that there’s nothing on toward.
I hate a fucking liar smh that is kne thing above all else I cannot stand is to be lied to. 1 because 9 times outta 10 if I am asking about it I already know the answer so why lie. My husband knows this and its something I will not tolerate. Period
His accusatory actions towards you , are his own guilt for lying to you! Stop the madness!!! Talk this out and both decide if each other is who you want to truly be with.so much time wasted on nonsense behavior.
not overreacting AT ALL. dealing with the same shit myself. been together 7 years, married for almost 4 years and have 2 kids.
Have you tried seeking professional help? Maybe try marriage counseling and see if he’s willing to put in the work. If not you will at least have leverage for your divorce.
Well if she’s only a friend then there isn’t any reason to lie and keep it a secret from you. X
You are NOT overreacting. He is clearly deflecting his lies and secrecy onto you. You deserve better.
The fact that he texts another woman is the exact reason why he doesn’t trust you
Plan ahead. Open a saving account in your name only start saving up once you’ve got about 6 months of bills saved up find a place of your own then file for divorce. You deserve to be happy. The lying is going to continue. Trust your intuition
If its not sexual, is there enough info or feelings around intentions? Is this female friend proposing a threat to your marriage?
I think its is the thought in your head that he may or may not have slept with this woman & both parties are lying about it, If there is enough information that he is cheating, then yes, file for divorce.
But i can see why he would do it, woman are most likely to jump to conclusion automatically that talking to a friend is a signal hes cheating if shes a secret🤷🏽♀️
What are they talking about? There’s nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex. My best friend is a guy. Unless they are flirting then it sounds like yall both may be insecure. I would be mad about the lying for sure, but I wouldn’t be mad about a friendship if that’s really all it is.
This is beyond toxic and disrespectful… The worst part is… You are allowing it to continue!
Nope. Not at all. He holds your past against you. He doesn’t trust you. He lies about who he’s talking to. I think he’s cheating or really wants to. Regardless, you shouldn’t have to spend your life like this.
Been down that road more times than I can count! Sry but if he’s hiding it, it shouldn’t be done! Point blank! Check the conversations…if this female is truthful to you, you could even ask her to send the texts to you and compare his. Make sure there’s no deleted texts along the way.
I’m sorry but if he’s not willing to let this female go, that is an obvious red flag that she means more to him than you and your feelings ever will.
That’s why he doesn’t trust you, bc if he knows his dusty ass could cheat, then what could a baddie like you be up to?!!!
i love how everyone is defending her but she stated that the break ups across their relationship were her fault (probably a hint that she slept around while they broke up). the husbands friend stated there was nothing sexual going on and they only talked behind her back because the wife obviously has something against her. Why is everyone gently reminding the wife she needs to leave ? lmao woman moment
No I’d be out, can’t stand lies or jealousy when this happens it’s over in my opinion. Been there done that and worn the tee shirt, wasted all my 20s, I’m just lucky I was young and had no children with this person.
Girl leave his insecure ass. Dont know why you stuck around for so long as you did if this was how it was for 20 years.
Let’s ask this… Has she called the house phone yet? If so maybe there really isn’t anything to be worried about. If she hasn’t definitely leave they both are lying.
No, you’re not. Who knows if she’s telling you the truth. If he lies about that ,then you know there’s other stuff he’s lying about.
No, you’re not overreacting. I think they’re both lying. Just leave. Put a copy of that exact convo in the divorce paperwork when you file.
Man sounds like my situation too. But he tells me there isn’t anyone else but always seems to project those feelings onto me.
I would cause why lie? He don’t like you going anywhere alone? That’s a lot
Mine was like that. He ended up cheating and I kicked him to the curb. I’m not saying that about yours. I never met y’all. Just mine. Good luck.
He apparently feels the need to hide something and that’s not right in any relationship
Cheaters ALWAYS accuse you of cheating because then you are too busy defending yourself to focus on accusing them… or they are paranoid because they know they are cheating and assume you are too
What he is doing is cause projecting… Gaslighting at its finest. So sorry:(
Text other men, give him what he accused you off. Cuz obviously when he lies. It means there’s no trust earning from there, he’s just opening his big mouth about trusting .while he doing the opposite of working on trust .by texting that female. Bs.give him the taste of his own medicine
Usually accusing because they are doing it.
Sounds like he’s messing around sorry lovely. Drop his ass and move on.
Girl, that is his guilty conscience!!
Let that man go and YOU enjoy this ONE a beautiful life that we are never guaranteed another day! Choose happiness and not misery baby!!
They’re usually doing what they’re accusing you of doing. It’s just to throw you off and be manipulative.
Usually the people who do not trust others are untrustworthy themselves.
So they have been having a hidden friendship for 20 years??? I’m confused.
Sounds like projection to me… as in he is projecting his guilty actions back at you x
Bluntly said, if you love yourself then you know you are worth more than that. Cut the strings that are keeping you tied to the drama & run! So much beauty in being single & free from drama & lies. I’m telling you. Don’t use excuses for staying. I left my last relationship & was flat broke & I got it together. Starting from scratch is better than being miserable with someone who drives you batty with lies & stress.
He’s projecting his own guilt onto you, as many cheaters do. He thinks, since he’s doing it, you may be also
No your not if he can lie about this or little thing what else could he be lying about
Cheaters never trust non-cheaters…it is their defense mechanism and their way of making themselves the victims.
I’d have left years ago simply because I don’t put up with that childish insecure lying bs. But that’s just me
It’s because he is doing something an wants out an projecting his bs on you. You need to give a ultimatum keep talking to the girl an you pack up an file for divorce or he stop talking to the girl an keep you that is adultery in every shape an form you deserve better than that I would be losing my mind on him if my husband did that he’d be gone you don’t come second to no one. This is part of your vows for better or for worse it comes down to does he just have love for you or if he’s in love with you an vice versa are you in love or just have love for him. If neither are in love than it’s time to walk away. In your divorce you state he was unfaithful talking to other woman in Mass they let me file for free because of that
He’s accusing you because it’s what he is doing. Dump his sorry butt and leave him
you do what you feel you need to do, you don’t need anyone to validate your decision. Lying is a major deal to everyone.
He sounds like a narcissist and toxic AF
Projecting- hes paranoid and accusing you of what hes doing. Do not trust her at all!
Counseling might help before you call it quits. You’re both lack trust.
Get a divorce. He lies and cheats. You deserve better.
your whole situation sounds toxic af to be honest
If you have to ask the question you already know the answer
Well momma sounds like you stayed 19 years and 11 months too long …
gonna be the odd one out here. you might be overreacting cuz maybe you’re looking for a way out… again.
if they are accusing you of cheating and you arent.ost of the time they are.
Friends my ass. I’d be signing those divorce papers. Go with your gut feeling…for every rat you see, there’s 50 you don’t.
You don’t communicate effectively. Start doing it
He’s projecting his shit on you. Good luck
You only have this one life - do what makes you happy
If you don’t trust each other what is the point of this relationship
I would divorce but I’m negative
Nope. Divorce him. Fuck living life like that. Love yourself first!
The lying ain’t right. But he should be allowed to have friends regardless if its a dude or a chick.
But im gonna say again that lying shit is a absolute
I’m a firm believer in karma. What goes around, comes back around.
People project their own flaws and faults on to others subconsciously. Just saying.
You’re completely justified in your feelings. He’s pointing the finger at you to turn it away from himself. Been there done that! She’s not going to tell you the truth. No matter how many times you ask her. Trust me, if they’re talking that much it doesn’t have to be sexual. If he were a good man, he’d pour that effort into his marriage instead of that friendship. If they’re talking in secret, it’s wrong. End of story.
I just don’t believe that. Any two people who have nothing to hide will not hide a “platonic” friendship…
If they lie they will cheat, if they cheat they will lie. You know what to do, so do it!
I mean if you want another 10 years of this otherwise get a divorce. Whoever wants to stop dancing
No, because your husband AND that girl are lying
Secrets are not meant for marriage…ever…
I’ve always heard if they are accusing you of cheating etc. They are the ones doing it
Get your affairs in order and get out
You can salvage a relationship with lies.
The guilty is always the accusee…aka he is the one screwing around
Nope. Not overreacting. I’d be done and gone 🤷
You’ll never find your forever if you’re stuck with this one.
That’s why he doesn’t trust you
If he’s lying that’s still doing something wrong.
Counseling is trash. The marriage will only last IF you both make changes, stick to it, be honest and give up all the sneaky shit and sneaky people. You’ll have to rebuild the trust a little at a time and deal with the inconvenience and irritation that brings IF you feel the marriage is worth that. Otherwise, you should move on.