Hell nah you aren’t over reacting. And don’t message the side for anything not even to give her permission to call the house. Ofc shes not gonna tell you the truth and she’s definitely not gonna call the house. Thats not their arrangement . You could always get you a secret friend too since he has one. Thats why he’s so worried about what you’re doing
He’s clearly deflecting his guilt onto you, if you want to believe either of them and stay- or doubt either are being honest and leave has to be decided by you, not us interweb folks….only you can make that decision.
He is in the least having an emotional affair. His jealousy is a cover for his infidelity. Don’t waste any more years with him.
See I wouldn’t trust her either. My ex husband’s mistress told me over the phone herself, we are just friends, there’s absolutely nothing to worry about, all while they were together. The female will lie right along with them. He was always upset because he knew what he was doing. At least you can admit your wrongs, he used that to be an unfaithful liar and that’s not okay.
Thats the same excuse my mom told my dad. It wasn’t the truth.
A divorce will be a walk in the park compared to putting up with that shit.
There is No need to put up with such behaviour & confusion in life.
My ex did that too. Turns out he was cheating on me with random people.
You guys are both toxic.
The most suspicious people are liars - they know they cannot be trusted so they don’t trust anyone else. I think calmly providing your phone number was a super classy way of handling the “friend” - lots of credit to you for that! I don’t think I would have been so cool.
Now for his deceitful butt. He lies. Someone who lies will not be truthful. He will never trust you and cannot be trusted. Is that what you are willing to accept? Your choice.
No you’re not overreacting. If it wasn’t sexual why would he hide it? I feel like she’s trying to make an excuse for him. Believe it our not there are women out there that are okay with being with a married mad. Sad but true
Classic. Deflecting his guilt onto you
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He should have been honest…period!
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Id leave . You cant build a life with someone who lies constantly
End that shit!! It never gets better!!
I spent 19yrs with a cheater that ‘‘wasn’t cheating’’. (yes I was that one that said but we have 2 kids so I need to stay… STUPID) I heard every dumbass story in the book. Girl get the hell away from him.
Nope. Liars can’t be trusted nor do u deserve having to settle for that bs
Accusers are usually projecting what they are doing onto you. Your relationship clearly had a rocky start, and if you both can’t be happy knowing that you got through it and made it work, then what are you doing? Living to fight and bicker about the past? There is still some serious tension there.
It sounds like he finds emotional comfort with this other woman. If they are just friends that is one thing, because we all need friends we can vent to, but if there is evidence of something more I’d be concerned. Is he flirting, asking her to meet up, or something else you’d consider to be cheating? Hiding a lady friend doesn’t sound too unusual if he thought you’d be mad about it. I guess that depends on if you ever gave him reason to believe you’d be mad or jealous. Not saying that you are to blame - he clearly is for hiding it - but he might act based on how you act. Only you know that information.
I wouldn’t throw away a 20 yr relationship over this. If it was me, I would honestly tell him you’re fine with him having a lady friend & that he’s a stupid jerk of an a**hole risking your relationship over “just a friend” that he had to “keep a secret” for no reason. Make him feel dumb & guilty about it. Tell him that you want the same courtesy with male friends & see how he reacts. If he’s good with lying to you for so many years, and then won’t give you the same courtesy & acts all jealous, tell him to go be happy with his lady friend then. He can sit around & be jealous of her male friends next. Definitely draw the line somewhere, but be reasonable based on the dynamic the two of you have.
Leave him. She was nice because she’s busted
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I’m honestly not sure why I’m not seeing more comments like this but in all honesty both of y’all are toxic. No he shouldn’t be texting her but at the same time you never should’ve done what you did. If he doesn’t trust you he has every right to leave but he also has every right to question things. Its your job to reassure him since you messed up. Y’all are both wrong
No absolutely no, you’re not overreacting at all… Divorce him babygirl and start living yo best life!!
Fuck him and his bs insecurities
Do you and stay tf from his sorry ass💯
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He’s accusing you to deflect from what he is doing. Narcissist. Leave
I really would not doubt they are doing waaaay more unfortunately! Leave him he can be with the whore instead. You deserve to not be lied to and he will not change.
He may not be doing anything but talking but then why lie. Try marriage counseling before you decide to leave
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Lies are grounds for divorce. This is 20 years of your life you will never get back. He is a cheater and a lier. Time to go and find someone who wont lie to you. Good luck!!
My friend went through something similar. Husband accused her of sleeping around with guys he worked with when she was home (physically impossible if they work next to each other every day). Unfortunately she didn’t get a happy ending, because she found out in a REALLY bad way that he had been cheating the whole time. We never figured out why he lashed out at her so much when he was the slut.
They got divorced. She is SO HAPPY and doesn’t know why she ever married the a$$hole. He’s an alcoholic slut on drugs now.
What kind of woman would know you’re uncomfortable with it and decline to call your home, but continue speaking to him? And what kind of man would do that i. The first place? 20 years? He’s clearly insecure, and probably cheating to overcompensate.
He is controlling and that is a form of abuse so, no I don’t think you’re overreacting on the slightest.
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He is guilty so he feels YOU must be too.He is projecting his own faults on to you.
That trust can not ne re gained In my book. Because in my own experience, it never changes.
Go…seek a HAPPY life where you never have to live with this BS.
Men will accuse you when they are feeling guilty just saying he’s insecure because of his own actions sounds like a crappy thing to find out after twenty years dang
He doesn’t trust you cuz ha ain’t acting right. Yup. I said it. That’s all. Just because things happened in the past between you two considering break ups isn’t enough on its face to not trust you.
Nope your not overreacting at all … I would be the 1 to hand deliver the papers with those other numbers along with them
Its called projection, they accuse you of what they are doing. Thank you divorce please
Run, life’s too short to be dealing with a liar
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If he’s hiding it, he a hiding it for a reason.
No. He’s a liar.
Watch! If you get a divorce, they’ll be together.
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He’s mirroring himself onto you. Divorce sounds good.
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I dont tolerate lies . Once trust is broke its over
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He doesn’t trust you because he knows what HE is doing.
Why would he hide it if it was nothing. Shes full of crap
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She’s the green bean casserole. Divorce him.
Nope. Hypocrisy is a very real reason to walk away.
I’d never stay with a liar and cheater, complete disrespect. The bond ,vow is broken. Don’t leave the house call and get an attorney and have your husband pay for it.
No your not over reacting
Maybe y’all should go talk to some one.
Stones on glass houses… run
Then y are you with him ???
Why lie if there is nothing to hide??
Drop It like it’s hot
Bro dump his ass. Jesus:
Do it. If you can’t trust him you can’t trust him.
Life insurance, girl.
Girl you’re underreacting
Narcissists do that.
No, lying is worse to me than almost anything else
If it moves, smells and feels like bullshit, it’s probably bullshit. Js.
Hes lying. I’d leave.
Lies…both of them are lying
They both full of shit girl, I’m pretty sure they had sex and everything, so she’s a fucking liar and so is he! Divorce him girl it will only get worse!
Sounds like your marriage was over a long time ago.
Men are polygamous by nature…get over it karen.
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No your not over reacting
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband doesn't trust me, but secretly texts another woman, what? - Mamas Uncut
Nope. You are completely founded in your reactions. He doesn’t respect you or your relationship. Divorce his lying cheating self. Emotional “affairs” are more hurtful than physical ones, in my opinion. Especially the fact that he’s been doing it for MANY years.
DIVORCE HIM NOW!
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Really just friends🙄 women lie as well and he is reflecting his insecurities on you because he is the one doing stuff. He uses the past to make you feel guilty and look like the bad person, I would just divorce him because there is no need to look for reassurance out of your marriage when you are not married to that person. He should be communicating with you, and if he can lie about something for years just imagine what else he could be lying about with his “girl friend”…
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Men don’t hide innocent friends.
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Just check his MF"N phone!!! Use your phone to take pictures of random numbers and pictures on the phone and pictures of any texts you find! Then you have all the proof you need. You then go search all random numbers on a app to see who they belong too? And you can get addresses as well that way! Do it while he’s asleep and don’t say shit too him! He will never know!
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Nope. Not overreacting. I’d divorce a liar! Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. His friendship with this woman could be 100% friendship and nothing else, but he hid it because he could not deal with it if you had a male friend that you kept in contact with.
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Honey you don’t need our permission to get divorced. YOU do what YOU feel is right for YOU!
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No. it is not hard to just be honest with your spouse. If there’s nothing to hide then why hide it?
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Everyone’s experience is different but secrets are never acceptable in a relationship let alone a marriage you need a base line, a line of trust if thats not there and both of you are questioning eachother then is it worth it? Maybe you need to have a serious conversation about this and where the relationship is going
absolutely not. he lacks trust in you, but sneaks around behind your back. if it’s not sexual then what’s the issue with hiding it.
seems sketchy to me. 
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He is probably cheating. His guilt is hanging all around him. It’s always the one that accuses that is doing what he’s saying you do. I’d be praying to God to ask him to lead me in the right direction. To give me the right words to say.
And believe this. That other woman hasn’t gave a crap about you all these years and honey she don’t now. Don’t believe anything she says.
My first thought was to tell you to divorce him but I can promise you this. Every time I go to God for anything the right thing always happens.
Keep your head up high.
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This man is very insecure and you really should go to counselling and why are you so hetup about him talking tc a friend
Two wrongs never make a right. If he knew you did it in the past and still brings it up and is doing the same thing then it’s intentional at this point.
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No go get the divorce it only get worse u have right enjoy freeman without him asking question everytime u leave the house u should be asking him question everytime he leave the house
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Why does he have all these restrictions on you but does whatever tf he wants without any regard to your feelings?
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That’s double standards on his part. If he dont want you doing something than he shouldn’t be doing it either. Fuck double standards. I would ask him about it and ask to see the messages between them
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Any relationship I’ve had like that… where they guy doesn’t trust me that much… he was always the one cheating. Happened multiple time with a couple of different guys.
Have you confronted him about it? Maybe before divorce try marriage counseling.
If he hides this what else is he hiding? Doesn’t matter if it’s just as friends as she claims, honestly that sounds like a lie to me since nobody would want to hide a friendship for that long on either side, he’s obviously putting his “friendship” with her before your relationship and is completely fine with lying to your face while getting upset and accusing you of doing something similar. Sounds like he doesn’t believe men and women can just be friends…I’d hate to say end a 20 year relationship but ask yourself if you really believe he will change and not do something that he’s been lying to your face about for 20 years, if you are going to be able to trust he hasn’t cheated with her or anyone else, and if you want to live that way for the rest of your life or not.
I know you’re hurt and it feels bad when it happened to you but I don’t think you can throw 20 years I married down they said there was no sexual contact he just needed a friend to talk to him. It’s hard to talk to you wife they don’t understand so I don’t think you could throw it all away just for a rumor like that what you going to do what you want but don’t believe all these people right here telling you to throw it away because they’re not in your shoes they don’t understand I’ve been in your shoes I know and sometimes it ain’t worth throwing it away cuz you’re going to get just what you left be safe
So… Wait… He’s secretly been talking to this woman for years and lying about it??? Yet he’ll bring up things you did in the past and ask if YOU’RE talking to other guys??? There’s a word for that (and I might be wrong), but it’s called gaslighting. He’s the one doing something wrong, but he’s trying to manipulate you into feeling like YOU’RE in the wrong. LEAVE HIS ASS, AND QUICK. He’s already breaking your heart, don’t let him do even more damage.
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Honestly don’t feel bad about wanting a divorce. Compulsive lying is not good and it takes a toll on you and your mental health do what’s right for you mama
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Its the lying and hiding conversations for me. Id get the divorce too. No matter how long together if you can’t be real with me you’re getting the boot because I choose ME and my Sanity 
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He doesn’t trust you because he knows his own behavior is not worthy of being trusted. Guilty conscience. 
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Nope. First thing I learned in rehab is secrets make you sick. These secrets are hurting both of you. Time to bounce girl. 
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He doesn’t trust you means he’s guilty
I would have filed already. There is never ever an excuse for lying or double standards. And it sounds to me like he’s doing that to you to try and keep you from hiding out about him. Who knows what else he is possibly hiding. Tell him you know and want to see the messages and if he denies it or refused to show you, even more grounds. My husband talks to girlfriends and will tell me all about it and let me read if I want but I trust him for his honesty. And all his gfs have respect for me.
Nope, I don’t think you’re over reacting.
That’s a betrayal. I’d leave his ass.
Sounds like neither of you trust the other and if therapy isn’t an option maybe you should go to church together. Infidelity is not just a sexual act. When a spouse turns to someone else secretly to talk to that is emotional infidelity. He kept it a secret because he doesn’t want the tables turned on him. He brings up his mistrust of you knowing full well he is a hypocrite and doing what he accuses you of doing. Thats the problem with insecure people. They are generally insecure in relationships because they do such shady shit that they don’t understand that not everyone is like them. They just can’t ever admit and be accountable for their shit.
Usually when they’re accusing you of something they are the ones actually doing that…you are not over reacting. I would divorce and find my new path
I would say pack your bags, he’s accusing you because he is guilty.
Guilty dog barks first
He would be history!
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Do you really need to ask? He sounds like a lying cheating controlling dick
No that’s ridiculous.
If he has kept talking to another woman a secret from you for years that’s suspicious. If they are just friends it shouldn’t something secretive. That’s definitely a red flag. Him constantly bringing up your past proves that he’s gaslighting you and he has a guilty conscience. You have every right to feel the way you feel. Fuck him and get the divorce.
Cheating people project off their partners. They’ll accuse you and accuse you but in actuality they’re the ones doing all the betrayal.
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I never understand why this is even a question. If your man’s cheating … physically. Mentally. Over the phone sexually or in ANY way. Divorce his ass and move on . Once a cheater always a cheater.
He’s probably hiding it because you’re insecure and it would just create a fight so it’s easier for him to lie.
Or he is guilty of all of those things and is projecting.