My friends husband refuses to let her buy anything until the baby is born: Thoughts?

That’s just about being able to control everything it sounds like to me… He shouldn’t mind a bit for his baby to have stuff…let alone mentioning the fact that if they get it now she can relax after baby comes.

She needs to buy the neccessary items.

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They’re going to be vastly unprepared when baby arrives. No diapers, no car seat, no nothing. How they planning to get baby home? And then what, they’re gonna take 3 day old baby out shopping to get everything they need? Plus all that money spent in one go instead of spreading it out? I don’t get it. He sounds awful.

He sounds like a control freak. :v:


I think the real issue is she’s so afraid of arguing with her spouse she goes against her own wishes. He sounds abusive tbh, maybe not physically but abuse happens in many ways.

You should sit down and talk about how you feel, and about why he feels the way he does, and come to a agreement if not it will be left up to you to do it all after the baby is born, and maybe he knows something you don’t, like a suprise shower. You never know.

My honey is navajo. And it’s thought to be bad juju to buy stuff before the baby is born. No baby shower until after they’re born too. Could it be cultural?

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Maybe hes experienced a loss. Imagine having all that baby stuff and the baby being still born.

My husband didn’t want me to buy anything until after the baby shower because he didn’t know how much stuff we were going to get, but I still bought stuff. You do need some stuff for when the baby comes home. Like diapers and clothes and somewhere for them to sleep and a car seat. This man sounds like an idiot

Jewish people fo this !

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1st shes in a controlling relationship clearly and that’s sad. She shouldn’t be in fear of buying her child things that’s insane.

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Idk you’re friend history when it comes to pregnancy, but as a woman who’s had multiple miscarriages and is currently pregnant, my husband and i both refuse to buy anything for the baby up until a certain point because if something goes wrong we dont need those types of reminders.


Instead of asking us on someone else’s personal business. If you really want to help, get some baby gift keep the receipt and throw her a baby shower with your other friends. Maybe she has a history of miscarriages.

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He sounds like a douche.

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I’m due in June and have gotten things… you prepare for a baby for months !

She’s depriving herself of memories and joy to appease him. She will regret it later. Ijs… I hope she does what makes her heart happy in this case and i hope he doesn’t get stupid or abusive. That’s already a bit abusive and controlling…

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She needs to start buying want about when she goes into labour and has nothing is he gonna go out and buy everything that day it’s madness I’m 34 weeks and have a few odd bits to get other then that I’m so ready and prepared you gotta be I think

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Umm. Im very confused. She needs to buy baby stuff BEFORE the baby comes so when she comes home there is clothes, a place for baby to sleep and everything the baby needs ready to go.

Also you have to buy a car seat to leave the hospital…and receiving blankets.

I literally don’t understand this man…and he sounds absolutely stupid. Sorry she needs to stand her ground with her dumb ass husband.

And HIS attachment has nothing to do with being prepared with babys arrival. Its both of their jobs as parents to have stuff they need for baby and if she just doesn’t do it to avoid an argument or upsetting him…then shes just as dumb. Sorry. Baby comes first before a dude with no common sense or care.

Give her a quick baby shower

He could be scared of a still born or a miscarriage

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Throw her a surprise baby shower :woman_shrugging:t5:

What in the world? I’d be telling my husband to stick it where the sun don’t shine OR he would be the one going out to get ALL of the things once baby gets here and doesn’t get to complain about it AT ALL…even if it’s in the middle of the night and he has to be at work the next day. But also it doesn’t sound like she’s in a healthy relationship

I’m sure He’ll look crazy when he have to buy EVERYTHING after the baby comes… lol. I wouldn’t stress over it. I’ll just let him run around like a chicken with his head cut off going back and forth to the store. :laughing:

Sounds like a controlling douchebag

I’d buy him a suitcase and tell him to pack it and fuckoff

Does he think it’s bad luck or something? I don’t get why you would wait.

Controlling idiot husband it will get worst!!! Go buy what you want!!!

Babies need things and as a friend I’d organize a baby shower so he cant say a word. Also make it know gift cards are acceptable so she can have some Joys of buying for her little one. Men can be something else sometimes. Hope he is a bit different when baby arrives.

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  1. Have a baby shower. If he doesn’t want to go, fuck that bitch. 2. Buy whatever the fuck you want for your baby.

Sounds like he’s controlling.

I myself being 32 weeks pregnant and having lots of complications along the way very skeptical about buying stuff for baby but she still needs to get the essentials not buying nothing at all is a little crazy

I’ve heard the superstition about having a pram in your house before 36 weeks but not anything else. If she really doesn’t want an argument, could she buy stuff and when he notices say “my mum/auntie/friend” bought it? Xx

maybe throw your friend a shower

Get all the basic baby stuff you need. You have to be prepared if the baby comes early. Always make sure the baby’s need are met first. Not your husband. Imy sorry, but that is very irresponsible of him to not have everything needed for the up coming birth of his child.

It could be a cultural thing.

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Does she have a trunk ? O ok

Either one of them could have a history of losing a baby. It makes sense to a point. I think shes far enough along now she should have at least a couple onesies, a carseat, some bottles, and blankets. I can understand holding off on everything else until the baby, but she should at least have something to start her out.

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I’m not sure why he’s being like that but it sounds like he’s overwhelmed and putting “baby related things” off as much as he can before the baby does come. If I were her I’d start getting things to be prepared no matter what he said.

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Um so do they expect to stop at target or Walmart on the way home from the hospital to buy clothes, diapers, wipes, a crib, a swing? Also what is the baby going to wear at the hospital? Like hello the husband is dumb :wave: & so is she for not sticking up for herself and her baby

I gad a European husband they had a superstition against buying anything until baby arrived I didn’t even have an outfit to bring her home in But her godmother to be who was from the same region in Italy went and bought the going home clothes On the way from the hospital we had to stop and get necessities for a few days stress unbelievable

God I already feel sorry for that kid. What a Controlling and emotionless father.


They can’t leave hospital without a car seat!

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Maybe he just has fears or is superstitious. We dont know the full story but in my opinion some essentials are needed like baby car seat to get baby home. I have only gotten essentials myself incase he comes earlier like his car seat ,a blanket ,a few onesies ,diapers n wipes. Things he would need at home of I was to have him soon to hold me off til we got to the store. You as a momma do have a right to get what you feel you may need for your little one so this may be one battle he just needs to back off from honestly. I say next time you go to your dr ask him about when should you start buying things on front of your husband so you husband can hear for himself the fact that baby is right around the corner

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That’s how my boyfriend was. I still bought stuff & then around 32 weeks I had enough and made him come to target with me and load up my car after I lost my ever loving shit about not having anything for the baby. Idk if he was scared something was gonna happen to baby, or if he was in denial and thought we had more time or what

We are missing something. It all depends on his reasonings. Maybe your friend isn’t telling you everything. Encourage HER to speak up to her husband. You can throw her a baby shower also. But meh… until you know the facts as to why… I would tell your friend she needs to communicate with her husband

As long as you have bottles and nappies maybe 2 babygrows then the first few hours are covered. After baby is born dad is going have to go on a shopping spree for the essentials for the next few days.

Have her store the items at your house.

You get sooooo many things you think you need but actually don’t so I kind of get it. But you need the essentials when you get home and then can figure out what you need.

No way in hell would I listen to my husband. I’m buying my baby whatever I want! Grow a pair!

I can understand where hes coming from cause I had many thoughts that I would lose the baby & I bought all those things for nothing. I think this is his train of thought. Maybe ask him about it. He could be paranoid.

Perhaps, someone close to her husband at one time (sister, cousin, friend…) carried successfully for nine months, only to lose the baby within hours of birth. Tearing down a nursery, packing away clothes, blankets, toys only adds to the anguish of coming home from the hospital with empty arms. Be kind. A newborn needs very little for the first week or two and a Shower after the birth is just as beneficial.


I would throw her a baby shower yourself & invite friends/family. That’s crazy!

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Welll… you can’t leave the hospital without a car seat so she’s gonna have too


Could be an excitement issue. My husband went and started a tradition of buying a coming home outfit which was exciting

To me it sounds like a control freak get her and kids out now or she will have to deal with the conquences

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Tell her to buy stuff and the husband to shut up because he’s going to regret not having bought anything before baby arrives

And why not??? Your going to be stressed as hell taking care of that while just having a baby. All you want to do is take care of your baby and rest

My husband is from Panama to them it’s bad luck to buy anything for baby until you know the gender he doesn’t believe that way but his mom and family does so we didn’t buy anything with our first two until we knew what we was having with our last we needed to slowly buy things up until baby arrived so we started as soon as we found out and yes his mother had a fit :joy:

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I like to side on the idea that maybe he’s just afraid maybe there’s been a loss that he is dealing with that he might not be sharing with his wife not that it makes it any easier but maybe there is reasoning behind his actions


Why is she asking for permission? He sounds like a nightmare.


…she needs to tell him to fuck off. She doesn’t need permission to buy things for the baby. Just do it.

I have a SO that is the same way… I just had to be cheap about it… Yard sales and marketplace on FB, consignment deals are the best… Finding prices he can’t refuse.

Maybe his previous SO lost a baby before birth or at birth… never know.

You could make a registry instead of baby shower but have the address set to your home (not hers) so once the baby is born, she has the stuff and he wont know.

You dont want to be involved in the argument but babies need stuff, regardless.


She could buy the main stuff she would need just incase baby arrives early

Tell your friend she has to have a car seat and I would not let him pick it out. She needs to stand up for the baby and herself. She will need diapers,wipes,bottles,blankets, she will not feel like going on a shopping spree the day she goes home. Take her now. The dad seems to not care! She doesn’t need the stress now or right after the baby comes, good luck her I will say a prayer for her.


She at least needs a carseat.
FUN FACT: Without the carseat the hospital will not release the infant. it’s the freakin law


Ppl shouldn’t be to quick to make assumptions or judgements!!! In some cultures, buying anything is bad luck. Its a fear that god forbid something would happen to the baby. Usually, the day when baby comes its buy baby stuff galore. Maybe, this is the case :woman_shrugging:


With some it’s cultural, some have had a painful loss…with some it’s just luck…it’s their family respect their choices…she’s an adult

Some people think it’s bad luck to buy anything before the baby comes. They wait until baby is born and then buy what the baby needs.

Throw her a surprise shower!

Some ppl are superstitious and that is why they want to wait. Tell him you need diapers on hand bottle’s unless you are breast feeding car seat bassinet blankets some outfits so you will have some things you need. Maybe he is planning on shopping for all this before they come home. Have her ask this. I myself would have already bought the stuff. But that is me.

She needs speak up in fear of an argument or not. No mother wants to go shopping for a baby right after baby is born they want to be ready and at home tending to their child. And if she is afraid enough to not speak up to her husband then she must be afraid of him personally. Throw her a shower he can’t control that . And if he doesnt want to buy anything for the baby before it is born then she needs to tell him then he will go out and buy everything baby needs while she is at home resting.

He’s not the boss of her, she can do what she wants.

Idgaf What he believes or if it’s stupid to him or not. Nothing and no one will stop me from preparing for my child. Wtf?! Mom has her own beliefs and wishes as well!
I’ll be dammed if I ever not do something for fear of an argument, I would get rid of the man 1st then fear his reaction. Sounds toxic.

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Somebody should throw her a baby shower, maybe a couple of you friends can get together and help her…

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I don’t think it has to do with not being attached. Some cultures don’t purchase anything until after the baby is born.


He may be waiting for friends to throw a shower for her

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That is really stupid to wait until the baby is there and to think they’ll have time to do it when the baby is born lol


You and others could buy it for her. Therefore she’s not buying anything and it’s all gifted. Store it at your place or someone’s house and surprise her by setting it up when she is in the hospital. All she really needs would be the basics, car seat, bassinet, sleepers/onesies, diapers/wipes, bottles/formula if not breastfeeding, bathing supplies.

It sounds like he possibly doesn’t want a baby, so he is trying to hide from the reality of the situation.

Have a surprise baby shower, he sucks

Could it be possible he may be planning a surprise shower? Or knows of one being planned? Maybe that’s why he doesn’t want her to buy anything just yet. 🤷

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Stash items at your house, help relieve her stress

What background does he come from? In our culture (Navajo - Native American) we do not purchase anything until after the baby is born and I had 3 children this way. Babies do not need a whole lot. Onesies/PJs, diapers/wipes, car seat, diaper bag, and swaddlers. Thats about it unless you’re bottle feeding.
Find out the reason why he’s saying this and try not too stress yourself out. Babies need the basics to survive.


Mm She needs to be the mom, and do her thing. Food for thought, if her husband was to walk out on “them” how will she feel about not prepping at least to a minimal extent?

My husband said something to that same extent but I told him I’m not about that life and minor disagreement but he can agree to disagree and that’s fine (were on the same page now I think). I’d rather have a little bit of something then nothing at all. When she has the baby she might have PPD you never know and honestly she probably wouldn’t want to be running errands to buy stuff with a newborn. I say she does what she feel is right for the baby not for husbands opinion. But that’s her choice…

Just go buy your own shit and hide it. Problem solved :woman_shrugging:

I dont see anything wrong with that. I didnt get anything until baby is born. Just make sure your FRIEND has amazon prime and a lost ready to go. They also have baby registries she can have friends buy things from there after my baby was born and ordered via amazon prime. I highly recommend the graco day2night sleeper you can use bassinet for a few months and then transition to pack and play (I didnt transition my son into a crib and his own room until he was 10mos) , some onsies and zip up sleepers, mittens,nail files, car seat to go home, baby nail files, baby mittens if needed). Baby soap and wash cloths, bottle sterilizer, bottle , nipplencream all avail on amazon. Ps: amazon and walmart have best prices.

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I be punching him ignorant and I be leaving the mofo

Do they plan on stopping at babies r us on the way home with baby?

Refuses to let her? Does she require permission?

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Buy stuff and have it at your house then when she goes into labor go to her house and set it up.

U know some people are superstitious he may be afraid to buy anything until the baby is actually here healthy and alive it’s sad but there’s that fear in some people

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Wtf she going to do when the baby comes and she’s got nothing?? She needs to put her foot down and buy the stuff ready you can’t have a baby with no crib or car seat clothes blankets bottles nappies wipes etc pram. What if she has a rough birth and can’t get out to the shops to buy stuff straight away.

Has she spoken to him about why he doesn’t want to get anything before the baby is born? Is it a cultural thing for him or does it come from a past trauma like misscarige or still birth? Can’t really judge him with out knowing why he feels this way, and if they are financial enough to be able to get what they need when baby is born then itsnot that big of a deal

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I’m wondering if dad has had a loss before? If he has been through that, he may be hesitant. There is nothing worse then coming home from the hospital with a house full of baby things but no baby to use it.


You talk to him remind him baby is coming in a few weeks and they need to be prepared with things ready at home for baby they are not going to have time to go out and buy everything once baby is born and they won’t be prepared if they don’t have anything. You can also go shopping with her and have her tell her husband it’s stuff from you, or have her buy stuff and keep it your house and then when she goes into labor take it to her at the hospital

You two should go out shopping! I think it would cheer you both up! Who says he has to be present or even know. (Unless it’s his money) If it is, take her shopping! You could always keep the baby stuff at your place, right? She deserves to be excited and happy about the new baby!

Men are dumbasses! My son’s dad was mad that I wanted the crib ready at 6mo prego! I had a preemie so it’s like my body knew. I would ask the Dr how much the baby weighs so you don’t buy nb when you have to start at 0-3 mo ya know. I had tons of nb clothes my kid never wore due to large birth weight

Tell her to buy it and keep it at urs x

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Is it possible that he is internally struggling with the loss of a previous child? I’ve had some friends that were in a similar situation because they had lost a child and didnt even make it home with their child. In a strange way, he may be trying to protect her from something happening and then having to deal with getting rid of all the baby items when they come home. Granted I know nothing more than what has been shared here, but it is a possibility

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