My 6-year-old is constantly miserable: Advice?

My 6 year old is such a miserable girl. My house is quiet & peaceful even with my other two kids until…… she comes home. That’s when the misery begins until it’s time for bed. I don’t even know what to do about her outrageous behavior anymore. I’m over her


She probably senses how you feel about her. I would recommend really looking at your baby for who she truly is and taking a day for just the two of you doing something she genuinely would enjoy-not what you want but something SHE would like. It may help you remember that she is your baby and you adore the crap out of her. My oldest two are borderline perfect and my youngest is 6 as well. He is so independent and strong willed. I had to switch up the way I interacted with him because I couldn’t use the same method I did with the other two. Not every student learns the same way and not every kid flourishes with the same parenting. You’re doing great because you cared enough to reach out for advice. Pray and play. Life’s too short to be too stressed. Put in the work now while they’re young and it’ll be less work as teens/adults.


Ouch. All kids have different personalities, not all kids are wired the same. I really hope your 6 year old doesn’t know your “over her”.
Spend some quality time with her, learn who your daughter is. Parenting is hard. No 2 kids are the same.
When is she “miserable?”- coming home from school, where she has been all day? Are you and her father together (so is their a spilt home)?
I’ve found with my youngest daughter (who is 9). She is on the spectrum- but very, very high functioning. She can be “miserable” if her class was too loud or if our house is to busy (there’s 4 other kids that come & go here). She struggles hard too if she decides she’s in a picky food mood (this comes & goes) she is almost impossible to deal with. Maybe she’s hungry!? This post is extremely vague- so many questions to be able to provide help.
Kids are hard, kids can be assholes but their is usually an underlying issue. The issue could be you, if she knows your “over her”

I think you need to spend quality time with your daughter and really get to know her, understand her.


So you want a quiet peaceful house ? And she just wants to have fun ? I’m confused


Listen idc what any of these people say I have a miserable child. I go above and beyond on a daily basis to make life fun and beautiful and it’s never enough. When he was 9 he got his first sibling. So when I threw a giant 1st birthday for my new baby (same as i did for my older child) I knew I had to make his 10th birthday special. So we went to Universal and Disney. We went on his schedule and didn’t bring the baby. It wasn’t enough :sweat_smile: Nothing is ever enough!!! We do counseling and I try NOT to join the misery but it’s a daily struggle. I try to teach him to be content with the many things and opportunities he has. I’m just hoping it starts to sink in at some point. He’s almost 13 and I feel like we should be at our peak. But he’s honestly been this way most of his life. I will add that his dad (my ex) is the same way at 40. Just hoping my hard work will avoid my child being 40 and miserable for no reason! Keep up the good fight Mama :heart:


6!!?? They get really “miserable” in the tweens/teens! Best wishes!!! :wink:


Maybe she gets overwhelmed/over stimulated and school and she really just needs you to cuddle and listen to her for 10min and let her vent? Slow down and listen instead of airing your frustrations as well… im sure you all will feel better :heart:


Sounds like a little girl who’s struggling, but she likely feels as though she can’t open up to anyone at home since she’s seen as a problem. Poor kid.


Clearly I would seek professional help for her and yourself on the matter, :disappointed: find the underlying issues and get back to not being OVER her, she would also pick um on those vibes and bounce right off them love, all the best and good luck to you, x


My eight year old is like this, kind of. She is pretty moody and “miserable” but to her credit if I put in extra extra effort like making her favorite meals, extra trips to her favorite park, etc she snaps out of it a bit. While there have been numerous times I’ve come close to declaring “I’m over her”, I try really hard to remind myself she is her own person and as long as she isn’t harming anyone or herself why can’t she just be miserable? Best of luck mama :heart:


Who has a quiet and peaceful house with kids?! That doesn’t sit right with me.
Heck, she’s probably ‘over’ you too. :roll_eyes::roll_eyes:

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I would seek counseling as soon as you can to see if there is an underlying cause. But I have to also say that I have a friend that has a daughter now 17 that is miserable most of the time, since a very young age. She can suck the joy right out of the room just by walking through the door. They have tried everything and nothing has changed with her. And once in awhile, the mother, overwhelmed and frustrated will say she’s over it. She needs compassion not judgement. Until you live in a situation daily, you have no idea what it is like.

My granddaughter would come home from school and literally cry until she got home until bed time. Children are not all alike. Each one has such different synchronization in their lives and when things don’t go as they or we expect it can make for a very unhappy household. My girl has pervasive learning disorder and literally couldn’t describe her feelings and frustrations. Grade K was the worst as she had never been in a classroom situation until then. She had delayed speech and often times the teacher didn’t understand what she was trying to say; which put her in further isolation from everyone else. She was born one month prematurely and had a dysfunctional family life. The poor thing didn’t know top from bottom. Once the school year was over and she could get rest when she needed it and one on one time to learn and process things she became a much happier girl. She became an absolute delight to be around and was cheerful; always excited and ready to go! Sometimes it takes a while to crack their code because whether whining, crying or being indifferent they are talking to us…very loudly!! Their actions are louder than words. I can imagine her day of frustration of learning, communicating and then to come home to a peaceful home where everyone else is happy and relaxed except her. All she knows is…she’s going to ruin it.:sleepy: Her self esteem is low. She needs one on one time with her parents but her behavior interrupts that; yet she hasn’t figured out how to get your attention yet. She’s literally crying out for help! Please climb behind her eyes and see what she sees. Age really does not define maturity; that part is totally independent of other factors. My advice; get her into a doctor’s appointment. Address the emotional component of how she is feeling; ask for an evaluation by a psychiatrist to see what difficulties she’s dealing with. As a parent…try to be ready for her when she gets home. She may need a snack of fruits, veggies and a drink. It may be her low time of the day. Ask her about her day. Give her time to de stress; include her in meal prep or helping in some area. Guide her in her homework. Do small little things that can mean so much to her. Rub her back or tussle her hair. Let her feel you there you don’t even have to talk. Ask her what she likes to do and try to incorporate those things daily. Each child is uniquely different, just as you are from the members of your own family. Concentrate on her good qualities. Sometimes our personalities clash with our own kids and it’s okay to be different. As parents we are the ones who need to reach out and draw these kids in because they have no clue as how to do it. This will become more of a problem as time goes by because you mentioned your other kids notice it; or are they noticing how you handle her? I know when my oldest would come in the room and my youngest baby was there; the baby started yelling at her! I realized that I had allowed my frustration with my older one to cause me to yell or be snippy with her and the baby was picking up on my vibes; let alone how it must have made my older one feel. I had to make mental notes on not doing or approaching her in certain ways that affected my own behavior. Take time to be alone just with her. You might not see a huge change but it is so worth it. Remember; each child is different and even though there are those that get along with everyone, it’s not the one’s fault that they are wired differently or react differently. My granddaughter had huge communication problems; once she got through those- she was an entirely different kid. You can effect a chance in your daughter…wishing you all of the best!

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She sounds like she’s your second daughter, if she’s miserable she’s pretty much unhappy and depressed my almost 9 yr old is the same way she opened up to me she most likely has adhd && probably heredity my bpd I’m hoping in summer she can get some help because she does tell me I don’t know how to control my anger when I’m upset. I do my best to stay positive around her as she struggles with her self esteem since she received bullying from others. Try to get to know the reason to her behavior though it is very important , && she screaming for help … I struggle to control my emotions so I can just imagine how my children feel as well… I try to take it easy take them out outside to play and do one on one time. Sometimes I get overly stimulated and I snap but I definitely apologize when I am in the wrong and we talk about our problems what we are feeling and how we can fix it… I myself was a second child I can tell you I use to struggle I felt like my mom was always against me and never wanted to hear me out… I felt like she didn’t love me and I felt like she had favoritism with my other siblings… I grew up thinking I wasn’t normal like the rest I always felt like I was different … I use to be a happy bubbly child my happy place was my friends at school I was able to be myself be loud … but once I was home I was bullied by my older sister, she use blame things on me I grew up having this anxiety and negative mind but it all came with my mom issues and a lot more toxicity in my childhood days now I’m i feel like I am a better place I was able to talk to my mom as a grown adult and I understand more it wasn’t that she didn’t love me I struggle with bpd my entire life now I can get the help I need… definitely get her some help because it is definitely a struggle I still struggle with identity issues but working on it has help me and it’s better to catch it early than to have her living in a world where she feels lost and attacked.

Has she 1 on 1 time with you? Is she over stimulating in school, being picked on etc there could be so many reasons.

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“Quiet and peaceful” house with multiple kids doesn’t even sound right. Is the child miserable, or are you?

Therapy, you need therapy.


In about 15 to 20 years when she winds up in some type of repairative therapy her childhood will be the foundational source of her dysfunction and trust me a mother who says “I’m over her” will be HUGE,


I’m maybe ask her what she’s feeling? There has to be something bothering her. :broken_heart: she shouldn’t have to deal with whatever it is alone… be her safety person. For the love of what’s good.

Ask her what is wrong ? Take her to the doctor ? Talk to her teacher…. Maybe she is getting picked on … spend one on one time with her, time is everything it may even get her to open up to you … good luck :disappointed:

You said you are over it. Youre fed up. NO judgement. When you say youve had it with her I totally understand. I have 3 kids. Theyre grown now and all great but my oldest, my daughter could push me like no other. At 13 when I got divorced from an alcoholoc ( he divorced me when I stopped enabling) she went off the rails.
Straight As to all Ds. We had moved for my job and to finish a degree so she was also pissed about that. She skipped so much school that she couldnt graduate, drinking smoking sneaking sexually active the whole shootin match. I rode herd constantly, she now thanks me for it. She was in counseling I was in sessions with her when the counselor asked me to be.
She came to see me at work one day after what must have been a hard session. She was 17 and driving by then. After she left, my best friend at work pulled me aside.
She said this is gonna hurt but I have to tell you this.
Your entire demeanor changed when she walked in. Your voice, your posture your facial expression. You dont do it with your boys. You need to think on that and fix it!
She was right. Even though I got why, it doesnt change how on guard and frustrated I was. She FELT IT.
Your little one needs a counselor, if she doesnt have one. Also a Drs visit to make sure theres no physical issues like ADHD, and get her teacher in the loop. Ask them for feedback or changes they notice. Then watch your own behavior and you will see it. You have to realize you are part of the problem. Shes your kid and you may wanna smack her but she needs a hug and a message of I love you even if Im upset . Deal with it now or you and she will REALLY pay later. Good luck. My daughter is now a great mom of 3. Shes an RN and happy in a great relationship. It took years but we are buddies.

You say when shes miserable when she comes home? Comes home from where? School? A friend’s house? Her dad’s house? From her grandparents house? Sounds like you need to find out what’s going on at where she’s been?

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All you say is she is miserable. Yet no examples of said behavior. Maybe look at yourself first, you could be the problem without even knowing it.


I hope you have a relative or something that would be willing to take her in and love her. I understood what you were saying and felt for you, figuring maybe she’s just a handful right now, but the fact that you would say “I’m over her”-let alone say that publicly-makes me question how you are treating her and/or if you say things like that to her/in front of her, and that’s the true cause of her getting to this point. If you’re not able to do something like that, I hope you are able to get therapy for both her and you.

I don’t see a 6 year old being miserable if you are spending time with her!! If you are outside riding bikes with her, jumping on the trampoline, playing soccer…she wouldn’t be miserable, get busy mom!!


Maybe she needs support and comfort from her mother. More quality time together. Maybe talk to her. Saying you’re “over her” doesn’t help anything and honestly turns my stomach. She’s YOUR child. Also, all kids aren’t the same. They aren’t all quiet and calm. I have two kids and they’re both the opposite. One’s calm and collective and the other is full of energy & speaks her mind. Kids tend to be loud and playful in general. They’re kids after all.

First, change your mind set and negative feelings towards your child.
Child do not give a hard time, they are having a hard time.
If gone all day long at school, she is masking everything. When finally home she is in her safe space to just let it all go.
Before getting home, spend time outside. Don’t harp or put demands on her. Just play outside and let kids be kids.
Create a peaceful and quiet place she can go to decompress.
Find some time to do 1 on 1 to see what could have happened in her day.
Positive words of affirmation.
She’s a child.

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i have a daughter with adhd and autism and generally she angry grumpy if she doesn’t have my full attention ! she’s a very clever girl but needs me constantly which is sometimes draining , i get how it makes u feel some days i could run away ( obvs never would ) lol she’s 7 years old and she’s my world even though she’s such hard work xx

My granddaughter is 6 years old and gets into the most miserable moods I have ever seen…there is absolutely no reason for her to be like that, none…so I get what this poor Mother is going through.

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When our daughter was in elementary school she would come home really cranky and I found if I had a snack ready for her she was a different person after the snack! It was usually apple juice and graham crackers. I figured out she had low blood sugar when she came home from school and the snack made all the difference in thevworld!

There is context missing here. First thing I’m gonna say is you need a mom break. You need to have a complete day or weekend to yourself. THEN, you need one on one time with her. If she’s busy making things miserable she’s probably fighting for attention, one one one positive attention. So start there and then you could implement a behavior chart for positive reinforcement in the home. Lastly, if it continues go to the dr. Could be ADHD or ODD, even sensory processing disorder,but that’s a last resort, try giving her what she’s probably after first.


Poor baby, she’s only been alive for 6 years and already is being labeled miserable. You both probably need a break, and some one on one time with each other. How old are the other children? Maybe she is fighting them for attention, which is common. Is dad involved? Maybe he can give her some positive one on one time too?

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Have you asked to see if she is being picked on at school? Usually negative behaviour especially outbursts at this age is their way of communicating with us that they are unhappy with something.
If you’re able to, see if you can spend some 1:1 time with her doing something she enjoys or even just taking her to a coffee shop for a milk and cupcake (or whatever she enjoys). She may be transitioning into being away from you for most of the day if she is in school and some children take a lot longer to settle into that, when she comes home she takes it out on you (unintentionally) because she may feel deserted (regardless of true or false - it may just be how she is feeling and is having a challenging time coping with this adaptation)

It may be challenging for you as a mommy dealing with this behaviour but what would be worse is not finding out why she is behaving this way. If left, it will probably only get worse. Your daughter needs you and needs to know you care and love her despite this negative way of expressing herself. Guide her to use her words and express what may be upsetting her and let her know you want her to talk to you and tell you what bothers her because you love and care for her. (It’s important for children to know they are loved).

Hope you find out why and are able to work through this with her. Best of luck xx

Therapy. There is obviously something mentally and emotionally going on and the only way to get to the bottom of it and help her (which is what you as the parent should be doing) is to seek medical help through her pediatrician, a therapist, total psychological evaluation, medications and any other means possible. While I understand the frustration you must exhaust all possible options completely. If and only after every possible option has been tried and proven to not help then maybe consider looking into a facility that can better assist in her needs.


You’re her safe place …at that agish kids are so full of expectations routines and learning at school and being on their best behavior all day at school but home is her safe place and she needs you all those feelings come crumbling in kids safe place find a good routine when she gets home some down time one on one about her day …is she good in school? Is there anything new in her life or changes in her life a new sibling new move school full time ? My daughter was like this around kindergarten age even first grade we recently added a sibling to the mix and I think there was just a lot of feelings and changes …we found she was a worry ward anxious and honestly just hungry !


My 6 year old is probably what you’re calling “miserable” but she’s a 6 year old girl she’s moody, cocky etc but she is 6 year old, I don’t know what you would expect a 6 year old to be like other than a CHILD!..


Can you give some examples of her behavior? It may help for figuring out what she needs.

She has to be on best behavior at school she gets home and knows that her safe place… maybe find out how school is and if she has sensory issues that need to be met so home isn’t so hard

Is she hyperactive? I have a “miserable” 6 year old as well(I get it, momma) and he was diagnosed ADHD/ADD/Defiant. We got him on meds and a good routine and yes, we still have rough days but we have good days too!

She is six years old. She needs a parent. Children are HARD to raise some times but worth it There is always a reason for certain behaviors; you have to be willing to find out the cause. Furthermore, that last sentence is worrisome.


That last sentence breaks my heart. I’m sure she senses that so why bother being good.


Kids are not being difficult… They’re having a difficult time… I strongly suggest therapy to try to get to the bottom of it.

She’s 6?? Like all kids can be crazy but if you talk to her that way she’s gonna resent you later in life
Try some kindness

Usually there’s a reason as to why children disassociate and appear ‘miserable’

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Is she the middle child?? This is very common in such cases.

Mental illness does exist in children, sometimes people forget this.

I would seek out profesional intervention

Your attitude towards her is the problem


No advice… my 7 yr old is the same so following

Get behaviour theorapy or needed. Or maybe it’s there wanting some attention and it’s the way of getting it

You didn’t even bother to tell us what you did to try to stop her behavior. How can we help when it just sounds like you want peace and quiet???

Did you try talking to her? did you take her to her favorite restaurant and try to get her to open up? Take her for a little mani pedi. Have you tried a family vacation? Communication is key and you can’t just communicate in the hopes she will open up maybe she don’t trust you to do so right now.

I don’t understand why a 6 year old would be so miserable maybe it’s you or maybe it’s the school. Maybe she don’t want to be home just as much as you. You don’t really give us much to help you with. There’s so many things you can do to change her behavior.


She is probably “over” you too. She is 6. Do fun stuff. My son is almost 5. We do splash pads, creeks, playgrounds (we also have our own), vacations are limited this year bc we are in the process of buying our own home but we still have small things planned. Talk to her, find out what’s wrong. Is she like that at school? Find a therapist. SHE’S SIX!!


I have twin 6yr olds. You’re the parent. If she’s that awful at 6 it’s no one’s fault but your own.

Your over her ? Don’t call yourself a mother maybe she’s over you and your crappy parenting if your able to talk about your 6 year old child like that

Its not normal for a 6 yr old to be miserable… something is triggering her. What do her teachers say ? Start a process of elimination and assessment with a pediatrician.


You’re over her now? She’s six!!!

You’re going to be in trouble when she’s 14!!

Poor kid!

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Prayers for your 6year old Shes going to be a changed person. Amene

If it’s so hard for you to deal with, imagine what it’s like for her. Being 6 and how upset she is coming home, I would take a guess that it’s predominantly school related (maybe she’s feeling too much pressure from a curriculum that is not developmentally appropriate for most children, bullying, etc) Then coming home to feeling like a burden probably doesn’t help either.

Maybe she thinks you are miserable and she is over you!

Girls are trickier than boys I found that mine would get all miserable like that she’s nine now but she was that way too we would go have special days together mommy and daughter days and I would try and do this with her once a week. she’s gotten a lot better. And please understand mommy daughter day doesn’t mean you go out and spend money or anything like that all you got to do is just pack a lunch go take a hike you know go fishing do anything that’s just you and her.

Check your expectations, take parenting classes get yourself some help before you further traumatize her SMDH

I’m over her? You don’t get the right to be over her. Let me have that sweet child. I could never be over a kid. :weary:

Wow. I think most of us have a ideal of whats going on just by reading last part of you post.


We have had 4 boys…at 42 the universe decided i hadnt parented until i was hit with a girl…wow is all i can say…she is now 8 moodest kid have given birth too…will probably section myself in her teens…hahahahhahahaha…i am just holding on…hahahhahaha…when you figure it all out i am in !!!..kez…

Ewwww!!! This is such a hateful post. The poor girl is 6!!!

More like the child has a miserable mother