Regardless of sex or relationship everyone should be able to pleasure themselves!
Porn is another matter, some people are ok with it some are not.
It can also become addictive and cause issues in their romantic relationships, that’s not ok.
Boundaries need to be set and respected.
If you are expressing your needs and they continue the behaviour Then you have a bigger decision to make.
Regardless of sex or relationship everyone should be able to pleasure themselves!
I personally don’t think it’s my business what mine watches on his alone time, So if it’s porn so be it. I know others have problems with it so I’d just suggest to ask him not to, and if not then there really isn’t much you can do. Leave? But that’s such a ridiculous reason to for a divorce.
Seriously folks shouldn’t be snide about your problem because absolutely porn can get to be a serious addiction and that’s a proven fact! I have a buddy who finally realized it had gotten way out of control, and started going to sex/porn annonnymous meetings. It’s probably something he feels really crappy about so be patient and try to talk to him about getting away from it. It has nothing whatsoever to do with you, or his dissatisfaction with you, or anything like that.
My man and I watch porn separately. We both have to very different tastes in what we find interesting in porn. Sometimes we watch together to add to the mood. I don’t mind when he is up at night watching it and takes care of himself. I’m often tired and not in the mood when he is or vice versa. Just chill. I’m sure he isn’t doing it to insult you. It’s just porn. Not like he is cheating
Theres nothing you can do about it now. Hes gonna watch it whenever he wants to since hes also watched with you. Do not let it bother you. And change things up in the bedroom and maybe he would watch less. Some women have a fear of initiating sex and leave it all up to the man but once she gets over the fear and starts to take what she considers to be hers then things usually become alot better.
Rather hes watching it with you or without you hes still watching other women. Theres no difference in watching it together then yall having sex after or during than him watching it alone & jacking off. Ethier way it goes women are turning him on🤷
At least he’s not out cheating on you. Who cares about porn? Get over it.
You are trying to control him by telling him to only watch it with you, or to not watch it at all. Porn is something almost every guy watches every day.
Work on yourself more and focus on yourself. If you are feeling insecure over a woman who’s on the screen getting paid to have sex just because your guy is watching her and jacking off to her , then maybe you guys should communicate, don’t try to control him, just talk, be honest with each other and tell each other what you guys desire sexually, maybe he has a sexual fantasy you don’t know about… communication is important when it comes to sexuality, again do not try to control him because it is very clear that he won’t stop, and he shouldn’t, he is your partner ,not your property.
i mean…atleast hes not going to other women. one of those things u need t1o get over, fight fire with fire. n this isn worth the argument
Pick your battles. This isn’t the one. All men watch porn. Chill.
So I dealt with my ex when I was younger, we were together for 5 years. He watched porn all the time, it drove me CRAZY. (He cheated too which didn’t help) but as I got older and out of that toxicness, I realized that part was on me. My insecurities were my own, not someone else’s. It’s something that you have to overcome for yourself. You can ask him to help you with, as in complimenting you, having sexy time without any pre-gaming, ya know whatever works for you. BUT I am a BIG believer in not changing a person to fit you. You can feel how you want to feel about it but that doesn’t dictate how he feels or if he likes it. If it’s something he enjoys and doesn’t want to give up, you have to make the decision to grow yourself or find someone more compatible in that area if you’re not willing to compromise. But you can not ask another person to change for your feelings.
Also you say he comes to you for sex, don’t you come to him for sex too?? There’s so much we don’t know, but if you don’t come to him for sex that might be the reason why he is watching porn too much, if 1 of the 2 people in the relationship is the only one looking for the other to have intimacy , that person might get tired of it sooner or later…
Here is the real question. Does he jerk it by himself? Less work the better? If every man could jerk off 100 times a day, they would.
While I agree that porn really should be a no - I feel it’s an u realistic expectation.
I feel like if you don’t make it a huge issue he won’t feel the need to hide it.
As long as the porn isn’t getting in the way of your sex life together I say let it be.
It’s completely normal and he’s probably doing it more because you’re making a big deal about it.
Personally i dont see an issue. But its obviously a boundry for you and he should probably be a little more respectful of it. Sounds like there needs to be a real conversation about this to maybe find a compromise?
He’s probably doing more than that behind your back.
You have been together for 5 years and your still not okay with it?
Ok I completely see where your coming from and I’m shocked so many people are making this a big deal. It’s totally fine for you to draw the line where ever YOU are comfortable with. If your ok with watching it with him then that’s what your comfortable with. NO ONE can or should tell you otherwise. If your partner can’t respect that then that’s his problem not yours. It’s very clear watch it with me or don’t watch it at all. Now if you won’t ever have sex with him or help fulfill his wishes then he needs to come to you and talk with you. I think you need to be open and honest with him and tell him just like you wrote it out. If he can’t respect that then you need to look into your relationship and decide where to go from there. You can’t force him to do or not do something.
Almost every man does it, unless it’s becoming an issue in your sex life I wouldn’t worry about it.
Went thru the same thing with my ex, he really had it all, a girl who was open about porn, didn’t mind watching with him, and yet he continued to sneak and watch it and I expressed the same thing as you have and he continued doing it… he has a sex addiction issue and I was young, immature and naive and didn’t realise what a true sicko he was and is… leave him… it’s not just porn he is doing by himself. The lack of respect for your feelings and strong need to watch porn all the time tells you all you need to know. Get out as fast as you can.
The need to hide and lie is the issue, it isn’t just porn he does it with either I bet… he has issues, and not respecting your feelings about it is even worse.
You sound ridiculous, bossy, and very insecure.
A lot of these responses are incredibly unhealthy. Holy smokes. The bottom line is - It is up to you to choose your boundary and ultimately yourself over him and his disregard for your boundary. If your boundary is not to watch it unless you’re present and his boundary is he’s going to watch it whenever he wants, then maybe you two shouldn’t be together because those boundaries cannot co-exist in a respectful manner. I know it’s easier said than done - I’ve been exactly where you are. In the moment I chose to ignore my own boundaries and chose to choose his wants and needs over my own. Needless to say I never felt fulfilled, respected or like an equal in the relationship and always felt insecure. Now I can look back and see that it never worked out not just because of him, but because I never chose myself. The people saying that it’s not a big deal in these comments - that is their boundary talking. They don’t care if their partner watches it and that is okay! That’s their boundary and theirs to set! However, that does not mean it’s everyone’s boundary! Respecting that others have different boundaries is so important and in this case you need to accept that you have your own boundary and respect yourself enough to stick to it!
Tell him to unlink your Google accounts so you don’t know he’s watching it. 🤷
He probably uses it to masturbate to. It’s his fantasy world. I don’t see what the big is. I would feel weird watching it with him. I believe in there are things couples do together but there are also times when we have individual pleasures. I’m not in a relationship because I refuse to give up my own personal identity and things I enjoy. Maybe he enjoys watching it alone without you. Do couples really have to share everything? I think that’s unrealistic.
My ex husband would sneak behind my back where we were married and watch his sick porn . He tried hiding the 200 bill by throwing it behind the dresser till one day I found it . He only did that when I was gone to church or something I guess lol I’m sure I confronted him , he must have been jacking off
You sound controlling. Why does it matter if he watches it with or without you. Hes still watching porn either way. If he doesn’t want to stop he won’t. I personally think there are more important things to worry about and as long as hes not cheating who cares
Alright to everyone saying “be thankful it’s not with another woman” “it’s normal and you’re making a big deal” PLEASE STOP.
She had told her SO that it makes her uncomfortable, that in itself should be enough. They have boundaries and he is crossing it. Try just talking to him about it again.
I’ll give a little different perspective than most. You have to decide what you’re comfortable with and hold those boundaries. If this crosses your boundaries that is your decision and you set your boundaries and hold to them. This doesn’t make you insecure or a plethora of names others will call you. Plenty of people will respect your boundaries. If someone doesnt respect your boundaries they dont respect you.
I used to keep an open mind about porn, but it led to him cheating.
I can see both sides.
You said in your explanation that you don’t like it because you’re insecure. Ask yourself what about it exactly makes you so upset. You might want to work on your insecurities. I think that the fact he’s watching porn without you implies that he’s most likely not cheating which is a good thing. Think of as a better alternative.
Also, does he look up a specific category? He might be into something he hasn’t openly admitted while with you so he is getting his “fix” through this. Maybe there is something he wants to try in the real world but he is too scared to ask.
It’s definitely something to investigate and ask him.
But I’d you definitely can’t overcome this obstacle and he refuses to compromise, then maybe it’s for the best that you break things off and find a partner that accepts your boundaries.
Ask him how he would feel if you were watching other men have sex…
You need therapy pet its ok if you watch with him .Your insecurities dissappear
All these women on here must have zero insecurities. Good for you! We aren’t all that lucky.
If he respects you and loves you he won’t do it. I told my man when we got together that I don’t like porn. I’m insecure with my body after having kids and I’m just not ok with it. He’s watched it twice since we have been together and told me about it and when he seen how much it hurt me he never did it again. He’s not hiding it from me either. We made our own videos and that’s what he watches now. Anytime he wants a new video all he does is ask or gets his phone out while we are doing stuff to make himself a new video. I just feel that if I’m not enough to look at then why are you even with me.
You’re fighting a losing battle
You be following him to the toilet next
He might have a porn addiction. Some people become so involved with porn, that real life partners don’t even turn them on anymore. If he knows this is bothering you, yet, he continues to do it, I’d say he might have a porn addiction.
Watching porn is not normal I’m a married man I don’t need porn I got my wife !!!
Porn is fine and normal and he can watch it whenever he wants, as can you. He doesn’t have to watch with you, and you don’t have to watch it with him. With that being said, if it makes you uncomfortable that he watches it alone, if he lies and sneaks around to watch it and you’ve expressed your concerns, he needs to understand your perspective. Men usually don’t see anything wrong with porn bc “it’s fantasy and not a real person.” Some women, on the other hand see it as “he has to look at another woman to get off bc I’m not good enough.” Your feelings are valid and you shouldn’t pay attention to the ignorant comments. We feel how we feel and that’s okay. Forcing him to quit watching porn or putting limitations on it is unreasonable. It would be the same if you did something he didn’t like and he made you stop. I think you should focus on why it makes you feel insecure and work on that.
Its one thing to have boundaries… it’s another thing entirely to try and force control over another person. How dare someone tell me what I can and can not watch in my private time.
For me i dont underdtabd the big deal. My fiance only watches it without me when he needs to get the deed done & i’m not available. It doesn’t bother me because i think of it as natural, and not personal. If hes lying to you its because of the way you react about it. You have every right to ser your own boundaries but in my opinion its a little controlling to say what you allow or not allow him to look up on his phone
So many people have been brainwashed to think that porn is ok. If you need porn in order to stimulate your sex life, yall need therapy.
This is a you problem. You gotta work on yourself
Too much can be an addiction. Personally I wouldn’t be comfortable, but it’s up to you and your partner.
This is not about control, it’s about respect and boundaries. She literally stated that it makes her feel insecure and she doesn’t like him lying to her or hiding it, the fact that he does not care about how it makes her feel and goes behind her back is the problem here. By the way, Porn addiction is REAL. He should NOT need it to have sex with her nor should he be hiding it from her and lying to her face about it. Personally, porn is not for me and my relationship and my boyfriend and I agreed to that. Everyone is allowed to have their own boundaries and agreements in their own relationships. You need to have an open discussion with him and explain that you would enjoy watching with him and act on that.
It has been proven in more ways than one that watching porn can and WILL interfere with partner intimacy/ sex life… your feelings are completely VALID and if you set a boundary that he is not respecting or even worse, hiding from you you need to cut him loose. It will only get worse and the resentment will build until you bust.
If he’s willing to go to couples therapy and work with you on it and learn to respect boundaries you might have hope. But don’t torture yourself for the sake of maintaining a relationship that you’re not comfortable with.
So what do you do when he’s watching it with you, if the issue is he’s watching it alone. He’s a man with a mobile phone, tablet or laptop. It’s normal. It’s nothing to do with you as a person. Don’t beat yourself up about it xx
Wow, I can’t believe your jealous because your man watches porn lol, He probably goes to strip clubs too, I think you should work on yourself, your insecure about yourself for a reason, start a gym, get a pedicure & a new look! Surprise him with some sexy clothes! Have some fun!
Why he hiding it tho?
There are many forms of sex addictions, its not his problem alone and its not your problem alone, the disrespect is an issue as well
My question is, why do you find it okay when it’s around you but not when he’s alone?
What If??? You like browsing shopping Amazon and he told you he doesn’t get it, doesn’t like online shopping, and doesn’t want you to do it anymore. But it’s ok, if you HAVE to do it, you can do it but only if he’s right there with you, watching you online. And then when he went to the store, you snuck onto Amazon just for a couple of minutes but he saw it on your browser and said OMG, you did that without me, you must not love me, you must not respect me.
How controlling would that seem to be?
Probably feels like hes living with his mum again
Disgraceful🤷♂️any of it🎯
Personally I wouldn’t like it it or put up with it! To me it’s a form of cheating!
If you are uncomfortable with him watching other women, perhaps make some homemade movies together? Perhaps also send him a steamy pic every now and then?
I had a ex that did this and it eventually went to live sex videos where you tell them what to take off etc… And I was done at that point.
I wouldn’t worry about it. Porn is super unrealistic anyway. It’s like reading romance novels.
If you can’t beat him, join him and watch your own porn. There is something in it for him and you if it enhances your exchanges.
After five years I’d think there’s an answer
What is going on is you have insecurities you need to work through. Nothing wrong with it. Try therapy, even couples counseling.
Simple…men don’t change…either he stops or doesn’t…ditch him or put up with what you allow in your home
Leave the poor man alone. Omg
These responses break my heart. You people have clearly never dealt with or don’t understand porn addictions, but porn destroys marriages and people.
My husband watches it. It use to bother me, like the way you’ve described. Now im over it. Partially because hes in prison. But you really need to express your feelings to him like truly express them
Anyone making this about them and how they’d feel or what they’d do in mockery, is sick. This is a boundary, she is expressing discomfort and asking for her partner to respect that. If he can’t, then the issue is him.
IDK, I like watching porn by myself too. Maybe you should try watching it by yourself sometimes. You might actually enjoy it. IJS🤷🏽♀️
I tell mine to go watch it!
Omg…he’s an adult and why are you trying to change him…I understand it may make you feel insecure but we are all born alone…and will die alone…do you and let him do what makes him happy …if it’s something that’s affecting your sex life, then there may be an issue needing discussion but if not…let him be for peace sakes. .
I have to everytime I see a comment saying it’s a form of cheating
When I’m not in the mood I tell mine go watch it and have fun lol
Sometimes tho mine will watch it and not even bother asking if I want to and that upsets me but other wise than that fuckin have at it.
Atleast hes not out fucking another girl
It’s not just normal. If you’re not okay with it, be clear and tell him you’re not. It can feel like cheating if you aren’t okay with which is perfectly fine to feel like that. It can be an addiction and unhealthy.
He’s a porn addict no question about that.
Also if he needs other woman to make him Horney to have a sex with it clearly states he’s not attracted to you.
Yeah what’s going on is the man is tryin5 to watch his porn alone and in peace.
I think if he doesnt keep to his assurances…you begin to watch too, on your own…to see how he reacts. Correct me if am not right🤷♀️
Maybe when he is watching it right beside you start playing with him. My hubby and I used to watch porn together and play with eachother at the same time. My hubby passed away 5 years ago and now the man I am with now does not crave love making like I do.
I wouldn’t say, If he’s doing that at home, it’s better than being out doing worse…
What makes people ask this stuff on a public site… y’all do better, bc there’s terrible advice all through here
This is such a petty thing. Unlink your Google accounts and let the man have some privacy. For the love of cheese on a cracker man
Don’t listen to those who are saying he’s not in the wrong. Just because they’re okay with their SO doing it doesn’t mean we all have to be okay with it! Some of these comments are absolutely mind blowing!
Get over it. I watch videos without my husband. Most of the time it’s because I want to get off quickly and not have to go through all of the motions of full-blown sex. It’s not because I don’t love my husband.
I wouldn’t worry until he starts filming them himself, and then your parents see him in action without you. It can make an awkward Thanksgiving dinner.
I don’t know but sometimes my man will sit there and wank in front of me:rofl: if I’m in the mood I’ll do it/finish for him otherwise I just sit there all ugly and let him finish on me:woman_facepalming:t4:
Make your own one with him to watch then of you
Build a bridge and get over it. These are your body issues stop making your husband pay for that.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. It makes me insecure when my fiance watches adult videos without me: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
Give you advice he must be having feelings of somebody else and not you and trying to see different ways that he probably could please you of that but that’s what they will say but I think he might be having somebody on this site or something else be careful or tell him that you don’t like that and if he doesn’t change that you know he’s been doing it with somebody else or ask him why does he like to watch it like that without you and I will look at that differently if I was you because he’s getting ideas and looking at other women instead of enjoying your body why can’t he watch you guys have sex or please you a different name instead of watching TV or the pornos videos I don’t like p**** videos I think that is so disgusting even though I was having sex with my man but I like to have my thing is like saying that he’s not interested in me he wants other females or he wants to do other kind of way cuz he’s not happy with you are like Jefferson with his son that’s what I was saying does giving you advice
Men are visual creatures why be insecure about it,but I’m cut from a different cloth,because it has never bothered me…
Its another way of being unfaithful. If you watch it with him, he will still be focused on and making love with the other women.
I wouldn’t get Mad just start WATCHING THEM WITH HIM . IT WILL TURN HIM ON
Respect yourself . He doesn’t.
Hes got an addiction.
It can be an addiction. Nonetheless. It is very selfish, and hurtful. Many relationships are destroyed by this. It is NOEMAL for you to feel insecure about this. I would.consider moving on.
I wouldn’t stay with a person who disrespects my feels and doesn’t care.
Most men watch it and everyone takes care of themselves on occasion especially those who are going to sit her and say they don’t, but it gets him sexually excited he comes to you better than going to someone else.
I had one of them. Once they keep secrets about that then other things pop up. I left. And way better off for it
You’ve told him how you feel and nothing has CHANGED because HE DOESN’T CARE HOW YOU FEEL !!! So sorry, but you need to hear the truth.
Not ok,not normal. You should not watch it either. He needs counseling, love him through it but be firm