I’m having a coparenting dilemma with potty training my almost 3 year old son. Wh have been working on it all summer. Tried stickers, tried candy, but he still doesn’t tell anyone or try to use the potty on his own when he has to go. My sons father thinks it’s appropriate to put my son in timeout when he poops or pees in his pants. I’ve always heard this is wrong because it might cause him to hide it.
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Uh ya potty training needs to be fun. It’s literally a whole new idea to them they have never had to hold it in or wait to go. Punishing a tiny human with a tiny bladder is terrible.
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Honestly it worked out so much better when we waited til our son started showing an interest. We also let him go outside and asked him several times. It took forever but it was a nightmare trying to get him to do it before he was ready.
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I ain’t tryin to be a jerk here at all. I don’t know your kid or what motivates him. I would talk with a family counselor as coparents and find out if your son is on “normal” path or if acting out for some reason.
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No!! No time out! That will cause more harm . My thoughts are he’s just not ready yet.
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You’re on his schedule…don’t force it. He will let you know when he’s ready. So much easier that way!
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No don’t ounish they get terrified and will hide even more. I know it’s frustrating! Just super celebrate the child for even trying! I got this app called potty whiz and at the end of every log I had him push the button and it makes fire works go off and he would get excited and then he wanted to go more and more just to push the button
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Punishment for accidents will make it worse. Do not wait for him to tell you when he has to go, take him to the potty in intervals (every hour or 30 minutes) and reward him when he goes or tells you. He’s still learning how to even know himself when he has to go
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I had a hard time remembering to have mine sit on the potty to try so I set my alarm on my for for every 30 min, she was going before that so I did every 20 min and in 3 days she was potty trained. I had her look at a book on the toilet
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Potty training is not something that can be forced. They have to be ready.
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Timeout for an “accident” 
He’s still learning ….
Chk out the Potty Watch /Amazon -or other fun learning tools /vids, books, personal potty/ ladder potty !!!
Best Wishes, you really will “know” when he’s ready -he will show Intrest !!!
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I am keeping and training my 3 year old niece and I found out a potty watch helps alot.
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Let him pee on trees firat that’s what we did qith my nephew now he’s a pro at the potty
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I agree with your ex. Punishment when they go in their pants and reward when they go in the potty. You have to stick to it EVERY TIME. UNTIL IT STICKS.
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I’ve always let my kids show me they was interested my oldest was nearly 4 before she was starting to show interested in using the potty and I started with rewards for each time she went…
Then each child after would always take up wanting to be like older sister so they would go in with her and they became potty trained by 18 months old… except my son he was nearly 3. Obviously he wasn’t allowed in the bathroom with his sisters, so he took longer and we’ll my last baby is a girl and she just turned 2… even with the help of going in with her older sisters she’s not very interested… he’ll let you know when he is ready momma don’t push it too much otherwise he’ll shut you out
Ask Dr. Phil. He really does have the answer. There are good books to help.
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Take it from me… no matter how upset the parent gets it doesn’t help the child who is potty training. I promise you it will be like a light switch. When he’s ready he will just do it. Keep encouraging him but when they ready they ready. My granddaughter is almost 5 she’s been potty trained since a little over 3.
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Just sit him every 30 minutes. Probably won’t go every time just still reward for sitting on potty. Then when he start to go give a big reward. Then start to phase out the reward when he gets good just give him praises. Have to be consistent.
Take a weekend to spend only on potty training. Stop the diapers all at once and just underwear. Praise him for being a big boy
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He’s simply not quite ready. He’s still within normal range until 5. He will go when ready. If he approaches 5 with no interest, then, looking into medical issues is recommended. This was advice from multiple doctors when my son was nearly 4 and still not going. There is no pressure to go by 2 or 3.
I started toilet training my eldest son at 15 months old - he was fully toilet trained and accident free by 2.5 years… so it took a good year to get him there.
My second son, I tried to start toilet training at 15 months, but he was so hysterical I put the potty away and thought I’ll try again when he’s 2.
Well two days before he turned 2, he just decided he was a big boy and wanted to wear jocks like his brother. He took himself off to the toilet for everything - wee’s and poo’s. He refused to wear a nappy to bed that night and I was sure I’d be up changing his sheets - nope! Never ever from the day he decided to wear jocks has that kid had an accident (he 15 years now). So I guess I was the super lucky mum when it came to his toileting - I didn’t have to do a thing!
Point being - every kid is different. One day it will just “click” for him. In the meantime, keep asking him regularly to go to the toilet and if he has an accident to tell you so you can help him clean it up. I wouldn’t punish him for it. Xx
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it sounds like he may not be ready. hold off for awhile & try again. if it continues maybe see a doc to make sure it’s not a medical issue.
time out for accidents will make for bowel issues later.
Do NOT punish when he has an accident. This is unfair and mean, and will scare him.
I think he’s just not ready. Every child is different by the way.
Boys tend to take longer than girls and he really may not be ready. Punishing him is definitely not going to help him tell you when he has accidents.
Did anyone really read your post, I think the real issue here is Coparenting with the Dad who thinks it’s ok to punish him when he has an accident. We all know that isn’t right so advice on how to deal with the ex!
Sorry, I wish I knew what to say but this sucks and honestly is a very big issue. Noone ever thinks about things like this in coparenting. Good luck.
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Ohmygod no don’t punish him! If your son isn’t ready, it’ll make him regress and it’ll take longer.
He isn’t being “bad” or “naughty” because he isn’t going. Is he scared maybe? Like of how big the toilet bowl is?
My son took longer than most to be potty trained. I finally realized the size of the toilet bowl scared him.
I bought him a little mini potty, and always put it at his play table and had him keep sitting on it every like 15 minutes while we colored and stuff.
Then when he went on that, I bought a little seat to put in the actual toilet bowl so it wasn’t so big anymore and he wasn’t scared to sit on it.
Try to get a little potty, and literally put him on it every like 15-30 minutes. It’s EXHAUSTING but it worked for me.
I would look up some articles or something about it to send to your ex. People like him usually don’t listen unless you show them proof from a professional that talks about it. It’s exhausting. 
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In my opinion you should not punish him , he is just not ready and he should not be embarrassed ,scare or punish about it .
Just keep encouraging him , hide the diapers , take him to the toilet every 30-40 minutes, show him videos,buy him training underwear with his favorite characters, get prices from the dollar store to use as a reward
Boys sometimes take a little bit longer my brother had accidents throughout the night sometimes even as old as 12. There is literally nothing you can do to make a kid ready to potty train they’re either are or they’re not. My first daughter took a lot longer to potty train than my second daughter did my first daughter didn’t get potty trained till she was three and my second daughter was potty trained by the time she was a year and a half and I didn’t even do anything other than put a potty chair in the living room and in both bathrooms and let her run around naked. I did everything on the face of the earth with the first kid to try to make it happen faster and nothing worked whatsoever they will do it when they’re ready 
Anger, time out, discipline will cause all kinds of trauma to the child.
Best to put this aside and try again in a few months.
My grandson wasn’t ready at three but at almost four, he practically did it himself.
Boys take a while longer than girls.
Be patient, he’ll be ready when he’s ready.
Be at peace.
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Unfortunately, it sounds like your ex is going to do what he wants. It doesn’t sound like he want to coparent and work on issues together. I’ve recently seen a lot about parallel parenting. It maybe something for you to read about. I wish you the best.
I’ve been a daycare provider for 40 years. MOST kids are ready by 2yr. I’ve got 3 grown kids 7 grandkids and only 1 wasn’t potty trained by 2. DO NOT USE PULLUPS !!! THEY ARE DIAPERS!
Buy big boy pants take him potty first thing in morning, after breakfast, then take him every 1/2 hr, don’t ask because he will say no. They have to feel the wetness. Some people let them go naked . Bring the potty in the room you’re in. Let him sit and “try” to go. If they go, you praise them and give 1 m&m. Let him flush and wash his hands like a big boy. It should not take more than 2 weeks.
I’ve potty trained at least 50 kids…if he potties at your house and not dads, that’s dads problem. Nothing to drink 2 hours for before bed.
If he’s like all these other kids and carries a cup around, stop that.
He can get a drink after potty trips.
Parents these days give kids way to many choices. They are to easy on them. There’s an excuse for everything, and diagnosis for everything.
Be firm, stick to it.
My oldest is 38. She was potty trained at 20 months…
I tell all parents NO pull ups.
Bring undies…
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He doesn’t seem ready and most boys are ready by 3.5 to 4 years old usually. And sadly there’s nothing you can do about the way your ex does it at his house. Is it wrong he’s putting him in time out yes but it’s his house his rules sadly. Just keep doing what you’re doing at your place. Maybe tell your son if he goes potty at his dads that you’ll get him a reward.
They will go when they are ready . Our 4 yr oldgot to the point he was trying ro hide it. Don’t pressure that baby. From experience I can say it is not good !
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Take him to a doctor’s appointment with the kid and bring that up. The doctor will educate him . It’s a form of abuse and will make it way worse.
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Never punish Potty training.
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He isn’t ready , I’ve heard boys sometimes take longer with pottying. My daughter even though they aren’t the same gender wasn’t fully ready until she was 4
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Mother of 7. Grandma of 10. Teacher for 30 plus years. DO NOT use pull ups of any kind. They are nothing more than a glorified diaper. They need training pants so they feel the discomfort when they have an accident. Another thing is ALWAYS be consistent the firat 2 weeks. Rewards are optional but I use to use a treasure chest with small toys.
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Time out is to calm down. Not a punishment. Or shouldnt be.
Punishing him because hes having an accident certainly won’t help.
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I told my 3yr old grandaughter she couldn’t go to school unless she pooped in the pot and I wanted to see it
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She ran in and pooped in the pot she’s 4 now and now every time she poops she wants me to come see it
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If you potty train then before they’re ready. You’re going to have a fight on your hands. When he’s ready. You’ll know. Then it’ll be easy going. I suggest giving him time. All kids treain at different times.
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He might not be ready yet, don’t force it they’ll regress. I did a sticker chart every five stickers they got a prize like gummies to match box car. But you have to be consistent. Both places has to come up with the same way of potty training. No time out…
he is wrong. shaming and punishing a child because they have had an accident is so wrong. how can you expect a small child to get it so easily? and your child just doesn’t sound ready. wait until they are ready.
That’s messed up of him
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My son just turned 3 he still won’t use the toilet I’ve tried but I don’t push it! I had no problems with my girls but definitely harder with my son, don’t stress your not alone and he will get there!
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He’s not asking or telling you because he’s not ready. Just leave it for a few months then try again. No you shouldn’t punish him for having an accident when he’s not got it yet. He will end up going the other way , holding it and not going which could then cause constipation and water infections. You’re only training him where to go. Hormones dictate when he can understand and acknowledge he needs to go. No training can do that before his brain is ready. This happens at different times. Some will say they trained theirs at 18mo!! Lucky them! That was just good timing that their child was ready nit that they’re trained them when and when not to pee