How to potty train a boy?

A complete spectrum of ‘We Don’t Know Either’.

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Make him clean himself up. My son took forever to potty train. But once I said he had to clean himself. It only lasted one day of him cleaning himself and poof he was not having it. It was just far too convenient for him to poop in pants because I did it all. Once he had to be responsible for it then he wanted the toilet. Good luck


Ask your pediatrician. My grandson had a similar problem, the dr. gave them reasons and tips to help him.


Come Aug or Sept. children maybe back in school. If so, the teachers will not be able to clean him up. If he gets teased for messy pants, I think he will begin using the potty really quickly. In the meantime, continues praising and encouraging him. Also, as has been stated, make him help clean himself up.


My experience. Drop all the anxiety you may transfer to your child right now and have a very relaxed mind set saying , " we are gonna achieve this". Be consistent. Try to give his breakfast in time daily and get him to sit on potty…probably the adult commode with a potty ring ( as he is already 4.5 yrs) let him take time and gradually learnt to empty his bladder at a certain time every day. Give verbal rewards every time he uses potty.and ignore ( NO SHOUTING, NO ATTENTION WHAT SO EVER) if he does not. …try. do not reprimand him make any threats. You will achieve this. Have faith!

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Is he anxious or not coping with kinder or childcare ?

Something may have traumatized him!That’s what happened to my grandson.


Does he go to a babysitter ?? If he does, check and see if there are any changes. Something is bothering him !!

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He scares of something; try to make him speak to you. He needs affection


Yes, when that child is ready it will stop, he is not ready,

It will stop.
One day. Patience.

Buy the book “Toilet training in less than a Day”. It worked for my son.

Have him go without pants in the yard.

They don’t go on their first day still cropping their pants. Give yourself and him a break.

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Has he been around anyone who might have molested him?

Have him evaluated for a “tethered cord”.

I agree with Tasha Marshall. I make all the kids older then 3 help clean up there pants or bedding, including cleaning the pant off in the toilet and putting in washer and soap and starting the washer. Doesn’t take very long at all and they start going in the potty. At 4.5 years old he knows.


Are you spending more time on the screen than attending to him…maybe working from home…some kids want more attention. Check your screen timing… especially in his presence…


Went through this my pediatrician recommended making them clean it all up themselves. It was a whole ordeal of my child gagging and carrying on but literally it only took that one time and there was never another time after that. Magically could poop on the potty again. Of course I would still follow up with your Dr to make sure there are no other causes but might be worth a try in the mean time.


One of our boys did that. But when he was older. He said…he was so afraid of missing out on something that he would hold it so long then poop his pants. We laugh about it now. But it was so frustrating at the time. He was plain and simple. He didn’t want to miss anything


Both my sons had this issue, had them clean their own undies out in the tub. Worked both times. Of course it could be a mental or a medical reason for it, and you should absolutely follow up with the pediatrician. But in the meantime, he will learn how to clean himself up and that’s not a bad thing.


My son did this almost everyday in kindergarten. When we saw the pediatrician they did an xray and he was completely backed up. He didn’t even know he had to poop until he did and its because there was nowhere for it to go. I was so upset with myself for punishing him for this and it was not his fault…he didn’t even know. Also maybe look into getting another pediatrician. I used to work for multiple doctors and that wait is unacceptable for something like this.


It is extreme and nasty but I had a neighbor years ago that got so tired of it that she just stuck the poop in her little girl’s face and she never pooped in her pants again.


Have him decorate the potty with dry erase markers. He can draw whatever he feels comfortable with and he wont be scared to use it. The ink will wash right off with some cleaner and he can do something different everyday.


Is he afraid of the potty? I think kids sometimes feel afraid that they will get flushed down the hole. Or as others have mentioned, he might just be afraid to go because he is constipated and it hurts.


He may have something called encopreses. Meaning that his bowels are completely stopped up, and he can’t tell when his bowels are ready to move until it has happened. I solved this by giving my baby Fletcher castoria at night before bedtime for about 2 or 3 weeks. Can also use something like Metamucil. Therefore he had a bowel movement in the mornings. Completely took care of the problem.


Y’all act like him cleaning his own underwear is the worst possible thing. If the mom finds out there’s nothing wrong with him then he learned an important lesson. If there happens to be something medically wrong then no harm done except the fact that he learned how to clean his mess. Y’all are acting crazy over this🙄


my son did the same but it was because pooping was PAINFUL. he would get constipated and it was rock hard (not to mention HUGE) when he finally did go. we got him on started with prune juice, stool softeners as needed and eventually metamucil (small doses) daily. once he was able to go without pain, the problem solved itself. nothing worse than seeing a young child straining and crying just to go #2. poor kiddo had hemorrhoids by 2 1/2 yrs old.


20+ years ago I let my son sleep in his “mess”. The next morning he wanted a bath 1st thing. And he never did it again!
Threw away the sheets and pajamas cuz they were bad!


Is there a new baby in the house or on the way? It can often cause jealousy and regression along with other big changes. Another thing to watch for is if kids get sexually abused it can also cause potty regression.


I went through the same thing with my son. My pediatrician told me it was a power struggle. She told me to explain to him that his body makes poop from the food he eats. And it is his Job to put the poop in the potty. She said give him all the responsibility then leave it alone. And if he has an accident don’t say anything. Let him clean himself up. I did it and it worked!

Boys are harder to train. It may be confusing to them . To stand or to sit. We had our son to sit at all times when toileting. This really helped.


I didn’t read all of the comments here, so this may have already been suggested. My son & daughter-in-law were having issues with my 4-year-old granddaughter with pooping in her pants, so they devised a reward system. Everytime she went poo in the potty, she got a small $1 toy as a reward. They did have to keep them on hand because a 4-year-old tends to respond better to an instant reward, but it worked pretty quickly. I would definitely check with his pediatrician as others have suggested as well.

I thought my son would never get it. Got some paperwork from doctor, followed it and he was trained within a week. You use a chart. Each time he has success, you cheer, high five, dance a jig, whatever. And let him put the star on the chart. You absolutely ignore any mishaps. If it’s a physical problem. You’re no worse off. But if it happens to be a strong willed issue, only acknowledging the successes might just work.


My friend had this problem with his granddaughter that he had custody of.he took her to the Drs and found out she was constipated.they gave her some meds and she was fine after that.she was older about 6-7


Had the same issue with my boys. One of them was barely trained in time for kindergarten! He Had one hard painful poop when he was 2 and that was it! He started holding it in. It would eventually come in it’s own. Usually at night when he was à asleep. Dr put him on a high fiber diet and Miralax to help him go until he could do it on his own!

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My boys started doing this and I made them scrub their own underwear out in the bathtub with soap every single time they did it. In 2-3 days it stopped completely. Good luck


Some kids see their poop as part of themselves and when they flush the toilet it scares them to see it go down the drain. Sounds crazy but it happens. Maybe a camp toilet or a bucket with a plastic liner would help. I would definitely make him clean himself up on his own.


My son just turned 4 and I am currently going through the exact same thing, my son was suppose to have a procedure done to clean him out but he tested positive for Covid again. Ask your sons pediatrician to refer your son to a GI dr

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Ask him.
Sometimes we forget to do the simplest thing. Ask your son why he doesn’t want to poop in the potty?
He may actually have a good reason.


Okay so I know some parents will hate me for it but it worked like a charm with my 2nd daughter… I gave her a piece of candy every time she used the bathroom. I did that for about 5 days and then by then she was already used to pooping and peeing in the toilet. Of course it was a small piece of candy like a gummy bear but it totally worked!


Just finished 2 weeks ago with grandson. Spent weekend doing Miralax & Gatorade for a cleanse because he was so backed up. Saw pediatrician first & she recommended it!


My son did that, too, and I thought he just decided he liked me to take care of it and clean him up. He would tell me the minute he did it because he wanted cleaned up right away, before it got too messy. So one time as I was cleaning him up, I accidentally on purpose smeared it onto his leg and then told him I had to go do something so he would need to clean himself! He went poop in the toilet from then on!!! :rofl:


My son did this. He held his poop for so long he developed a condition called mega colon. He backs up so bad it’s like pooping logs :grimacing:. He wouldn’t go after that because he was afraid it would hurt. All I can say is patience and a lot of prayer. I was very consistent and he still had accidents until he was 10 years old :weary:


Something has happened! Talk with him about what’s going on his life making sure that you assure him that you are always there no matter what.


Before taking any advice from moms see what the doctor says. Could very well be medical problem…


Take him to the doctor. Also check for any signs of abuse or trauma. A lot of things can make a child regress. Instead of punishing find the cause.


Has anything in his life changed? New babysitter, New sibling, divorce, New boyfriend?
Many times when there is a change in life, they may need extra attention…or he maybe trying to tell you something.


Has something traumatic happened around that time? Sometimes children will regress to a previous level when facing something that they can’t handle. As I told a friend facing this issue, he won’t be pooping his pant walking down the aisle of his wedding.


Usually this is either stress , feeling out of control in his environment, check with teachers and try ti see if something. Has changed recently, a new teacher, being bullied, a new family member, parents fighting, even a scary movie can make them regress, it could be a medical reason always check with your dr.


I put my son on the potty gave him a kindle and told him to do his thing and let me know when he was done. It Worked.

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Who cleans him up? He is old enough to poop in the toilet. Be aware that some kids don’t like the sound thetoilet makes when it is flushed but since he was ok for awhile I doubt this is the problem. Let him clean himself including the under ware. I bet it gets better soon


Can be a sign of trauma. My daughter started doing that when she was having problems pooping. We started fiber therapy and it took awhile but it finally worked.


Out of my 3 I had 1 difficult one. The only thing g that worked was when I told her if she pooped her pants she had to clean up the mess herself. Only took one time and problem solved!

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I felt this way about my daughter stressing myself out to the point of yelling and than one day it just clicked and she wanted to use the potty on her own I had to realize it was on her time and not mine

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My daughter had the same problem. Hers was being constipated because she was holding it in all the time. That gave her control of her body that she needed for some reason. After we worked on some ideas the problem was resolved.

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We had friends years ago that had the same problem with their 5 yo. They came to us because we had 7 kids My husband told them to ignore it (BTW they had a new baby)It stopped It was hard to just change his dirty pants & go about their day but it worked Good luck Why kids do this is hard to say But they do have set backs usually due to something going on in their lives

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There is a medical condition where the sphincter that alerts us all that we need to go, isn’t in the proper place. instead of the colon and rectum baking a graceful curve into each other they sort of square off and the sphincter is on the downhill side of the angle. When the sphincter is activated there is no waiting to get to the toilet. They call it a normal a normality. Punishing a child with this condition is useless in taking care of the issue, but does a great job in destroying parent child trust and the child’s self esteem.
There were a lot of suggestions in getting the kid to a doctor and I urge you to do that. Until you know whether or not this is physiological
Or behavioral don’t punish. It will make things worse in the long run.

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Look in the pediatrician office for other doctors available I know when my pediatrician isn’t available there’s another one in the same office available

It doesn’t help much but my 5 year did the same thing. We started treating him like he was potty training all over again. Learned a few things. 1. He was stressed out by something he could change and this was something he could control but couldn’t verbalize why. 2. He had COVID and had lost his smell but didn’t realize he had lost it until we ran around the house trying different things and he had nothing…

I’m an older mama to girls. However, when I was training my oldest, she would pee just fine in the toilet. When she had to do number 2, she would hide and do it in her panties. So I would take her and sit her on the toilet. Positively telling her poop goes there as well. Then I’d say, "listen. " We would both listen as I helped her #2 roll out her panties and hit the water. We would clap and yell, “Yeah, good job!”
My daughter was afraid of the sound poop made when hitting the toilet water beneath her. That’s why she would hide. She used the potty for #2 after that.

I wouldn’t change him I would make him wear till he gets the point .


Oh my, I have never experienced this. It sounds like a psychological issue. I would continue the 30 minute potty breaks until you can see the doctor. Prayers :pray::pray::two_hearts::two_hearts:

Bless ya, my grandson has a mild form of cerebral palsy and was in a nappy until he was over 4. Children usually poo at the same time of day, my grandson always in the morning when he woke up. He relayed on his nappy too. I tried one night putting him to bed without 1 and told him if he had an accident it was ok we could fix it, he was a bit anxious but slept the whole night without it and in the morning told me he needed the toilet :toilet:. Work out about what time he usually goes and go from there, hopefully :pray: you will get there with him. Sometimes it’s a comfort type of thing but you know him best as his mom. Good luck :crossed_fingers:


When we potty trained the Grandkids and Great grands we used a treasure box for rewards.For the boys we used matchbox cars.If they peed they got to choose 1.If they pooped they got to pick two. I would have the doctor to check him out.

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My son, at the same age, did the same thing. They are busy playing and don’t want to take the time.
I, embarrassed him in front of his playmates. His one friend with a deep voice, started, yelling, my son’s name, pooped his pants. That did it!

My son started pooping his pants after potty training and it ended up being a medical problem. Encoprisis. He would become constipated and hold it because it was too hard to poop out and then it just started leaking out. So, I had to just start by cleaning him out by enema and put him on a special diet to keep him from getting constipated.

My son was very hard to train. We couldn’t figure it out. He actually did not like sitting to poop. This is really really common. Small children are used to squatting sometimes to poop in their diaper/underwear. This position is actually ideal for them and without being able to put their feet on the ground as they do it on the toilet it can cause a blockage and or fear that they cannot get it to come out. It’s the whole reason the squatty potty was invented. Too bad they don’t make it for toddlers/young kids. As soon as my son got a comfortable position he never once had an accident.

Sounds like somethings changed in his life do you have a new daycare worker does he get upset when you drop him off to go to work because for him to be completely trained and then to start doing that somethings going on

I would sit and talk with the child and make sure there isn’t anything going emotionally no parent is perfect all we can do is our very best and make sure the child is happy n healthy.Making a doctors appointment isn’t a bad idea though

It will happen. Eventually it will stop. It took FOREVER for my boy-I am thinking he was 6 when he finally stopped, but same thing, no reward or positive reinforcements helped. In his time…hang in there!!!

I would talk to your doctor. My grandson started doing this at like 6 years old. They said it was because he was constipated I know it don’t make sense cause he is pooping so was he but it got so bad he had to be hospitalized.

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Our family doctor suggested putting a small stool in front for him to put his feet on for support. Try siting on toilet with your feet off floor it not easy.

I had trouble breaking one of my girls i talked to her like a big girl told her she was about old enough to go to kindergarten told her she had to be going potty in toilet before she could go to school .worked for me.also I tried a. Potty chair for kids she did not like it she broke on regular toilet

Make him clean his self, and his underwear up.


My son was easy to potty train but pooped in his pants. I made him clean them out himself. Never pooped in them again.

I knew a child that had this problem and it started at about 6. His parents got a divorce. Drs said to make him clean it, soften his stool etc. he still had problem at 11 or 12. By this time his bowel was the size or a adult. (After holding the stool gets harden - which is painful- and the softer stool pushes around the hard part. And child doesn’t even know it’s happening). Finally found a dr that explained this. He was given a cleansing at the hospital. I’m sure was traumatic. But only choice at that point. After he had to take stool softeners and go on a regular basics. He did finally grow into his bowel. But it was traumatizing for everyone involved. I wish the first few doctors had taken more time in the beginning instead of just saying he was lazy.

Listen to the ladies talking about the encopreses my 15 year old still has issues, partly due to his refusing his meds and the bowel clean out. I wish I had know about this when he was younger, we found out at age 11!

Its called Encopresis!

They can’t help it and its more common in boys than girls. Please research encopresis. Punishing them will not help, it only degrades them. My son has encopresis. Developed around that same age. It is extremely frustrating as a parent. Their are FB groups for it with lots of helpful tips and support.

Went thru this with my second child. He was like 3 or little older and didn’t seem to mind being in his mess. It bothered me tho till one day he just up and quit and started sitting on the potty and never messed his pants again. Just try and be patient and they will stop when they’re ready.

Poop potty training my daughter was hard. We used an iPad with a timer to keep her on the potty and to “relax.” We did candy in the beginning, but found she preferred coins for her piggy bank. Also how we got her to sleep dry through nap time and bedtime. Hope something helps.

My son was potty trained for a whole year for #1 but would go steal a pullup out of my closet and put in on to poop. He had some kind of weird pooping thing. I never figured out what it was.

What are his needing to poop signs? Does he wear pull-ups at all and poop in them. I’m a toddler teacher and have potty trained many little boys. If he poops in a pull-ups he must sit on the potty while wearing the pull-up to do so. If he does not use a pull-up try making him sit for an extended period of time. He may not be sitting long enough because little boys are very busy people. Give him a book to read, prop your phone or an iPad up and have a special show he can watch only while he is trying to poop. Or one of my favorite ways to help kids sit longer is turn them around so they are sitting backwards on the toilet face if the lid, give the a dry erase marker and let them draw on the toilet lid. Also every time he goes in his underwear make him change himself. Obviously make sure he’s wiping all the poop off and aid him in taking away the poopy clothes so he doesn’t get poop all over your bathroom, but he must do most of the work. It will quickly become easier and faster to poop on the potty if mommy or daddy no longer cleans up after you and changes you.

I trained my son with mini m&m s. If he pooped he got one and we sang happy song praising he did good job

Be patient some kids are harder then others

Does he get constipated

I was a nanny and one of the tricks I used was:
a bag of small tootsies roll
his favorite stuffed toy
I would than say the name of the favorite stuff animal I think it’s time to sit on the potty,
I would take said animal into the bathroom and secretly drop the an unwrapped tootsies roll into the potty chair
hold the said toy on the potty
wait a few minutes
than make a big deal out of the toy going poop.
It didn’t take long before I had the child in my care going regularly on the toilet.

To this day I laugh when I see the small tootsies rolls.

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I don’t know what it is with little boys, I thought my son was going to be in kindergarten before he was fully potty trained. Don’t get discouraged mom I know it’s aggravating, just for you to be reaching out for help shows you’re a good mom just hang in there.

I placed the Sesame Street characters on the tank on the bathroom stool. Sat him backwards on the stool to face the characters. He was excited to show them he could go potty. Each parent has to find what works with their children.

1st make sure there is no medical reason for this, my son was potty trained but then started going to bathroom in his pants, come to fined out he had encorpresis (not sure the correct spelling)

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My grandaughter is 3+, she had the flu real bad when she was 2 and since then she has been very constipated…her stools are large and hurt her so she tries not to go… I had her mother send in a stool sample to a company called BIOME…a report was sent on what her bowel bacteria looked like, and a recommendation was made on which prebiotic and prebiotic to take. It is a capsule she takes in food. We will see if this helps…

I don’t know how to explain this without it being legnthy. Buy a step stool put it infront of toilet. His feet can’t reach the floor. The stool will help his body be in a more natural position to get the poop out.
I went through this with my son. A co-worker explained this too me. It was so simple and she was right.
It’s worth a try right? Hopefully it’s that simple for your little guy too. Good luck!

Try playing sink the battle ship throw a couple of Cheerios in the toilet and the object is to try to sink them with his bowel movements, he may have to sit a while in the beginning but he was good to go after that would go get the Cheerios box himself when he had to go it eventually wore off and he went without the battle ships

My son was lactose intolerant but we didn’t discover that until he was an adult. This intolerance can cause constpation which resulted in the encopresis mentioned earlier.

Chances are some one told him sitting on the toilet will cause a monster to bite his bits off. The only thing you can do is console him and get dad involved. Let him see dad sitting on the toilet and them get up with nothing missing. This will let your son know that it is safe to use the toilet.

This happened to my daughter and she was impacted come to find out so definitely go to the doctor and make sure that that’s not playing a role

I would say talk with your kids pediatrician to see what they have to say. And be honest to them what is going on and hiw you can handle it