So I met my boyfriend over a year ago and we are expecting our first baby together Christmas 2019 he will be my first and his second, I knew from the start he had a son and when we first started talking I wanted to make sure that it wasn’t a bunch of drama and he told me that it was not planned and he was never in a relationship with his babymoma, he said he went to a party one night and he was drunk and the condom broke and 3 months later she called saying that he was going to be a father and I believed that because I had no reason not too it sounded legit so we got serious in our relationship talking about marriage and spending the rest of our lives together, and 7 months later I became pregnant and we are so excited, but shortly after I became pregnant things were okay but our relationship wasn’t doing so well anymore and he always had to much communication with his babymoma that wasn’t neccercey nothing sexual but just constant back and fourth about money and visits and she tried to be involved about my baby with him but she never spoke to me directly and was very disrespectful before I ever even met her so I went through his phone and found a message she sent him about an update on their divorce and it this point I was 6 month pregnant and just found out that the man I love and am having a baby girl with has lied to me for almost a year about somthing so important and I talked to him about it and I almost left but I wanted to try and fix things because I truly love him, and we have talked about it and he said he never told me because he didn’t want me to leave him so I’m trying to move on I have forgiven him but it’s still a sore spot and he gets a month off work for when I have our baby and I told him I wanted that time for just him and I to kind of be alone with or baby and try to heal and repair the trust he’s lost and he tells me that I’m being selfish and that after 1 week of having our baby he’s going to get his son for the rest of the 3 weeks he’s off and keep in mind his son is still young and needs alot of care and attention too and I just don’t feel like we are going to have that time that I not only want but need in order to heal and trust him again, I feel like it’s selfish of me but at the same time I want don’t think it’s that big of deal he can get his son after I’ve had time to heal after having my first baby and had time to adjust to being a first time mom. Please let me know if I’m selfish or if I have a right to want that time.
I couldn’t imagine being his ex wife and hearing you say that about my child. I wouldn’t want you around my child. You are extremely immature and selfish. You really need to grow up and work on yourself. Including how to form a proper sentence. Omg reading that was driving me nuts! Lol
So he lied about being married to her…oof. that’s a big lie…but you shouldn’t be excluding his other child. Would you want yours kept away from her sibling if the situation was reversed?
This is a hard one . But
The way I see this is :
You knew he had a son getting in this serious relationship . It’s not his sons fault . He should be able to spend the same amount of time with his son now as the child that will be born . Both are his children
I understand it’s hard to love a child that isn’t yours . But you will one day . You have to allow it
I have a step son and I could never not allow my husband not to see his child . That would be very selfish of me .
You have to sacrifice .
He is willing to give you and the baby a week . That is something you should be happy about
It’s at least something
Never tell a dad he can not see his child . There are so many dad’s/mom’s that aren’t good parents . Be lucky you have a great man that is and will be a great father to your child as well
I wish you luck , and hope all turns out for the best for you , your boyfriend and his son and your soon to be baby
That is super shitty for you to ask him to back burner his son. Having a new baby does not mean the other children become less important. You have some valid points but your perception and attitude need serious adjustment
You knew he had another kid. That’s something you should have already come to terms with. He is just as much a parent to his first born as he is to your baby! Asking him to go a month without keeping his first born so he can give YOU AND YOUR BABY His full attention is super selfish. Sorry. It’s not impossible to take care of two kids at the same time even if one is a newborn. That’s parenting.
You are not someone I would allow around my child at all, the problem seems to be with you. And you need to remove yourself from the situation if you are trying to take him away from children he already has.
Ok, it not really right to want him all to yourself when other children are involved, so that’s wrong but look if you listen you can hear the lies to come as well. He’s to comfortable with lying and it’s not just about little things, he lied about his child and his status this is who you are aligning yourself with. Forget about trusting him he isn’t trustworthy. Personally, I would cut my losses and raise my child to have integrity, that’s something his father doesn’t possess.
I don’t think you are wrong about being upset about him lying about being married. If I were you, I would leave. However, you are very wrong in thinking it is ever ok to say his other child should not be around. That is not ok. None of this is that baby’s fault and he deserves his father as much as your baby deserves her father.
YOU are so Right!! Go with your gut. Not your heart. I would get rid of him. Just saying.
First off all you actually jumped into this relationship to quick and became pregnant knowing he had another child and now you want all of his time to be spent focusing on you and your baby but remember he still has obligations to his other child, this has nothing to do with you and the other woman, this is between you and your supposedly man, handle that situation or leave because he lied
Wow that was a rude comment I don’t think that’s what she was looking for here please put your Superior judgment on hold or take it off of Facebook
I think she was asking people’s opinions I don’t think she was asking to be condemned for asking for opinions okay people she’s new at this
So basically, you want him to put HIS son on the back burner, while you “heal” after having your baby?! That’s not how it works. You knew he had a son when you got with him! You sound like a selfish,immature child
Perhaps her requests are unreasonable but that’s why she’s here asking okay? Show some love people
Stopped at he said the condom broke all these dudes read from the same hand book
Yes, he lied. Don’t take it out on his son though. His son should also be able to spend that time with his new sibling.
The problem is u knew he had a child before u got involved with him don’t try and keep him away from his other child .
Its all so easy when you’re not the person in the story. Go with your feelings thats what i always say! Your first feeling is always right!!
Let’s have a little compassion
A leopard never changes their sports… Never lie… That was the first warning… Hope it works for you… And I’m speaking from my own personal experience… Best of luck love. All you need really is that baby girl and you have all the love you need… .
You know that he have a child before you got pregnant it be good for the child to met each other you and him will never be that much alone he got two family that he got to give his time to
If I was him I would leave you. What kind of woman would want a MAN to choose you over his child ? You’re the type that’ll mistreat the child when he’s not around because you’re mad at him.
Yes you’re being selfish
You are selfish for sure but that man sounds pathetic and not trustworthy
Everyone is judging her because she wants to bond and heal with the new bay first. There is nothing selfish about that. He is selfish for lying to begin with!! Secondly, why didn’t he get the baby before the new baby was born and start that bonding. She is saying she needs time to adjust and heal before bringing another toddler or infant in the picture. Talk about him leaving her, I would’ve left him. However to each his own. Cheer up girl you got this
Ahole wants his cake and to eat it too. You better determine what YOUR worth is to yourself! If you try to make things work with him, he will just keep lying and using you as a doormat. Get yourself together, make sure you sue the pants off him for child support and make it stick and move on. Leave his a$$ in the dust. If he comes back begging, kick him to the curb. He is not worth all the extra heartache.
BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!
Adunni Otito Shawn Pinkii Monroe
Him lying to you about being married & going through a divorce, not good, but maybe some counseling to help would be good. You asking him to stay away from his child for a month? That’s selfish. Is it ok if he then stays away from your child after that for a month to rebuild his relationship with his son? As you said with his son being young it won’t matter, so that would be true about your child you have together. If you’re going to be with him, you need to accept his child as an equal to your family.
You have no business w a man w a child if you really think it’s ok. It’s very important for that first child to be included in the beginning w this new baby. This life is not a fairytale and we aren’t given extra time to just isolate and deal w things usually. It wld be great but rarely happens. Do not try to exclude or put boundaries that include the first child. You knew about the first child and accepted that as his life. What if someone wants to do that w your child in the future? Think about that. Sounds like you got pregnant before really getting to know this man. A mistake made too often. Now that you’re here in the situation you’re just going to have to decide if you can handle the situation. Sounds like the ex and him are pretty involved in each others lives still. My Grandparents divorced and still stayed friends and saw each other regularly for over 30 yrs. You need to not push him and see what he does naturally. See what rules and boundaries he sets for himself. When women push too hard they never get to see the man for who he really is. Also it’s not selfish, it’s childish.
Yeah, you are 100% selfish. Pretty much now that he has a kid with you that’s the only kid he has. Even the mention of phone calls and text which you yourself said aren’t sexual you are taking to far. He needs to speak with the mother of his son. A MONTH to a newborn? Do you know what a MONTH can do to a toddler? Lord, you must be young. I hope you mature and quickly within the next month.
Kids come first. Not you.
I get your upset lying is what almost separated my husband and myself way back when … and I get that you want his attention to the new baby which is your first baby but you have to know when going into a relationship with someone with children from someone else that those children are going to be involved and should also get the chance to meet and spend time with the new sibling. If you didn’t want that and wanted undivided attention then you should have not got with someone who has kids already.
You don’t love his child with the ex. And for the baby’s sake I hope he’s kept away from you. If I were the mom,I’d make sure of that with No 2nd chances given to u.
If hes a real man, he will keep his son and not listen to your nonsense.
What did I just read??? I felt sorry for you upppp until that last part. If you love someone, you should also love their child as your own. No matter how they were conceived. That’s how marriage works. He broke your trust. Not that child, and at the end of the day that is your new babies brother. Whether you like it or not. It’s ok for co parents to communicate about their child. It doesn’t sound like he was texting anything that would be inappropriate. Other than the fact he lied about being married. Parents raise twins at the same time alllllll the time. They don’t leave one at the hospital for a month “to heal”. If this is how you feel about his child I’m not sure you’re really mature enough to get married.
You are wasting your time with a liar! He lies to you and he will do it again! Once the trust is broken, never is the same! Anyways, good luck! Hope everything work out
Oh dear my heart goes out to you because being involved with a man that has children already is very difficult and he’s not making it any easier. I met my partner 30 years ago and totally fell in love but got scared because he was 20 with two little girls on his hip and going through a divorce. Through out our relationship we hit many stumbling blocks because of this issue with him having two daughters. I felt like you I wanted to have my private time when I became pregnant but I never really got it because his baby momma was very disfunctional and irresponsible so we kept the girls as much as possible to protect them until he gained full custody. Their mother ended dying a few years later. I’m sharing this with you to prepare you because as long as you guys remain together there’s gonna be two children not just one. Being a mother is about being selfless and protective so share that with both and love them the same. I wish you best of luck! Our children are all grown now and they’re beautiful people on the other hand you’re only starting your new life always check the pros and cons and if the good always outweighs the bad you’ll do fine.
You knew he had a child. He’s taking a month for his new child and also sees an opportunity to spend time with his first or I guess he can go to his wife’s house and spend time with his son don’t think you want that but don’t deny him a chance to spend time with his son. You should embrace his child and make him feel like he has a new sister and really bond with his child. That’s what I would want to do and your man can see that you can love him and his child. If you can’t embrace his child you may as well call it quits now. I don’t think you are being selfish. I think you are scared. Your never going to grow as a couple and a family of you can’t open your heart to his child. He did lie to you about being married . WHY? And have you spent any time with his child If not WHY? I hope it works out but his lie will drive you crazy. But open your heart to his son. Give him a reason to want a life with you. Also wondering if you talked to his wife what does she have to say although she may make up something that’s not there. Id check out social media see what’s being said on her end if possible.
After reading this it became confusing to a point. Go with your gut on the relationship, see a counselor in regards to your issues because you have some. Also seek couples therapy if intend to stay with him. Do not disclose his son as his son is an part of his life and he has every right to see him.
Sounds like you need to question everything with your guy… He lied about something that he truly didn’t need to lie about…or, did he truly feel that he needed to lie? Be direct about what you want, need, and should know! Your demands may be exceeding the man’s expectations!! He can’t handle all the juggling!! Your asking for whatever it is that your asking for…baby mother on one hand making demands,(or, ex-wife)…baby boy, and whoever else are making their demands… Come on … Pay attention! This guy lied about a MARRIAGE!! What else has he lied about?! I’ve seen men lie about children…as in, how many children they actually have on earth!! I’ve also seen men abandon their children to please someone else, or maybe make things more “convenient” for everyone! Wake up… This is not a fairytale!! You are bringing an actual human being into the world! Get a background check on your guy before you become the next ex-wife!! Life can be short…do not let someone else to steal your precious time, or heart!! He is definitely being too discreet about his life!!
When it comes to baby boy… You accepted the man enough to lay down with him an welcomed him in to impregnate you…well, then… accept that man’s child/children!! They did not ask to be on this earth…nor did your unborn child!! No one does… Accept the child/children with wide open arms into your life…bring him/her in…just as your own…from day one!! You can’t do that?..Then it will not work!! Hope the best for you all!
Your feelings are valid but there’s no reason his child needs to be excluded for you two to build trust. He just needs to set boundaries with the mother.
If u can’t deal u need to leave you can’t keep him from his son (and telling him u don’t want his son around those 3 weeks u r telling him not to have his son around). Yes he lied to u but is it that important when u r already living with him and having a baby?
As for the he talks to the baby momma to much u can never talk to much to ur baby momma/ baby daddy. So instead here r a few questions
1 how important is it that he was married to this woman when he is with u?
2 is them talking often going to bother you?
3 why do u not want his son around when y’all need to get used to how it will be with both kids around.
4 would you be this emotional if u weren’t hormonal due to pregnancy. (Yes it plays a huge role)
If u don’t like the answers of 1-3 then leave cuz there are two kids involved not just one
And I’m a mom/baby momma/ stepmom
Your very immature. Wow an adult pregnant. What I would have done was leave his ass and care more for the child I’m fucking carrying than some looser who sees me as a second choice. You need to grow up before havin the baby because if you don’t your in for some serious shit. Grow the fuck up!