Maybe try to spend 1 day a week with her every week if u don’t already do something special with just her a mommy daughter day. When I was her age I acted out and was suicidal etc but it was a cry for attention. My mom never really spent time with me. I was her only daughter and middle child out of 3 but it always seemed I came last never spent alone time with me
Children come first!
Always choose your child.
Choose the daughter always.
As for the husband he probably needs someone to vent to himself (not in a family therapy setting) as well, but if him getting personal help doesn’t work, let him go.
Do you seriously have to ask if you have to choose your child over your husband???
Why, yes… If you are any kind of mother at all… Yes, you fucking do?
Always choose your children.
I can definitely understand how all of it can be hard on him though. Was she having these problems when you guys got together?
Bye! You both deserve to be happy
Your children should always come first! That isn’t even a question!
Husband sounds like a dick head your daughter will always be with you no matter what ? And for you to even ask this question I feel like you have already decided
Well everyone wants to judge you i get it… Its not easy at all especially having a child with behavioral issues… If this has been present before you all got married then he knew what was going on all along and marriage was never going to make it better… With my situation my son has odd and has used everything under the sun from hating my husband to hating me to blaming me for his bio dad leaving but i told my husband about his behavior before we started dating really i made it very clear my son is very difficult it was his choice to stay… Yes its difficult but your husband can always fight to stay… You need the support too
Would you give up on your daughter and send her away if she had cancer? Well mental illness isn’t her fault either. You should support her 100 percent. He shouldn’t have created more children with you if he was so concerned with her issues. He’s disgusting.
Your daughter comes FIRST. She is a child, your child. You are her advocate. Your husband is an adult. If he cannot be an adult and parent Your child through the difficulties that come with parenting then you need to respect his wishes and see ya, bye. You giving up on your daughter who clearly already has a lot of mental health issues will only make it worse and I’m sure you will regret it later. I know it is hard but you need to support your daughter 100%
It really bothers me as a mother that there is even a question here - your child comes first. Every single time. Period.
Is this actually a question???
Continue To Get Help For Your Child & Get Rid Of Your Husband. Simple As That
Your child is always your priority, is my opinion. She needs you. She needs to know you’ve got her back through all of this. If your partner can’t support you through this he may not be the person you thought him to be. She is your baby and she needs your help right now. Be her mom. And let your partner choose to support you or leave. If he loves you as much as he says he will support you. If not cut your losses.
Id choose my daughter. Hands down, no question about it.
Honey that won’t be YOU choosing between your daughter and your husband. Your daughter needs her mother. If your husband can’t understand that and chooses to leave… Let him go. And I know that’s alot easier said than done. Whatever you do, don’t turn your back on your daughter. He’s the one choosing to walk away.
First, I suggest you ALL getting therapy. My step daughter and I bumped heads a lot (and I love her as my own)- turns out I was dealing with my own traumas still & didn’t even realize it. Things are much better now!
You deserve to be happy. It can be overwhelming but you can get through this. The biggest choice is the choice to fight family vs world instead of dad vs child. You are all on the same team.
Is your oldest daughters behaviour affecting your other children? If the husband goes, he goes. It’s the other kids I’m worried about if it’s affecting them too then maybe you need to sort something else for ur older daughter x
Your child comes first. If he didn’t want to deal with the stress then why did he marry you and add 2 more children to the mix? Is he stupid? Did he think 2 more kids would eliminate stress? Or that marrying you would make the stress go away? Kick him to the curb, he sounds like a pathetic excuse of a man… smh. Running away when things get too stressful…
If hes not comfortable around her forget him. Makes me wonder if his attitude adds to her mental probs??. Dont keep someone around your child that is creeped out by her. She has enough probs.
Your daughter should come first before ANYTHING!!! She needs you not him! If he isn’t an adult enough to see that! Kick his ass to the curb! Your kids should always be your #1 priority not a man!
Another thing to consider, if you choose him over her she’ll remember that forever. It could ruin your relationship with her.
Your child needs you and if he can’t handle it then it is his loss. He wasn’t enough for you not the other way around! Don’t blame yourself and you should never feelike you.have to choose between your child or husband. Also, marriage means through sickness and health and through the hard times. This is one.of.those hard times he’s supposed to conquer with you.
Choose your daughter
If he can’t handle it then I’d be saying goodbye your daughter needs you
No judgment but personally I would
Choose my child over anyone including my husband anytime, no hesitations no questions ask.My child Is my child and anyone else can be second my child will always come
For me there would be no choice, my children always come first.
You choose your child!!! This shouldn’t ever be a question
How is this even a question. Help your child.
Is this even a question?! YOUR DAUGHTER…
Remember who was there always there when you had no one …
Bye bye husband bc my kids will ALWAYS come first.
Sorry but for me kids come first, if he can’t handle it, it’s his loss. A child needs compassion and understanding clearly he isnt capable of giving that
Miss ma’am. Your child comes first. Always. No matter how long you’ve known another human.
That isn’t his kid. He owes nothing to her. YOU DO. No matter how hard shit gets. Your child needs you & you’re wondering if you need to choose between her & a man? Bye
Daughters (children) are forever, husbands can come and go. She is at an imperative age where parental support no matter how hard and difficult it is is necessary and will impact her for the rest of her life. Be there for you daughter. It shouldn’t even be a question.
Choose your child, it shouldn’t even be a question
He’s ur husband he’s Suppossed 2 b there 2 support u emotionally. Didn’t the vows says for better or for worse?? Of course a behaviorally challanged child is stressful n difficult on the entire family but that’s no excuse 2 cut n run. Ur child is always ur child. This man is replaceable!! He sounds like a selfish whiney child himself!! Dealing with behaviors from a child is hard enuf but when u also have 2 deal with a spouse who is unsupportive it’s double the difficulties.
Your daughter did not ask to be here. Your her parent. Don’t ask to choose. Your kids should always come FIRST:heavy_heart_exclamation:
Ur kids come first. If he can’t handle it. Say goodbye. Your daughter needs you
All of you saying that kids come first, yes they do but your not thinking about the fact that the younger kids will be without a father bc of the oldest one. This is a no win situation.
Sounds like your daughter really needs you
Always chose your child
How are you even questioning this?! Maybe you need therapy. Your child comes first ditch the husband!
Why is this even a question? Kids come first, especially if your “husband” can’t even support her. If he isn’t strong enough to handle the family, get out and focus on getting your daughter the help she needs
I’m sorry now but this is not new to him like he new u has children before ye were even together!! By the look of ur comments he hasn’t said chose him or her he is taken himself out of the equation … but the fact ur thinking it must meen u see things are bad … yer only
Married 6 months and in all types of councilling … u should leave him go … if he loves u he will come back if not his not the Man U taught u married and leave him off … ur daughter loves u sinse the minute she layed eyes on u … you shouldn’t need to ask a group this question … because there shouldn’t be a question u chose you children every time no matter how long u think u no ur husband ur children come first … but I think u all ready no that
You open that front door and tell him to get the F out if you’re gonna pick a man over your own child you are the problem maybe this is why she’s having these problems because her mother is picking “ priorities” over her do you maybe think she’s having a hard time about new siblings… etc.
Your husband is not a husband if he’s going to run at any sign of struggle or stress. PICK THE KID.
This shouldn’t even be a choice
Seems like you’re doing all you can as far as family therapy and so on. If he doesn’t have any suggestions on how to make it better for him, while still supporting and being there for your daughter, then he needs to make that decision. She needs you more than he ever will.
So he believes that he can just opt out of being a parent?
Yeah if my partner said that I would immediately lose the motivation to make it work with him.
Emotion aside. It does sound like he is struggling with maybe depression of his own and could use some professional help.
Hes the adult if he cant cope its his problem.Your child needs you to back her up.Im sorry but family needs to be there for each other through the good and bad times.You are mother first.xx
Are you kidding me??? Put your kid first and fuck the husband off
Your child is first and foremost your top priority. If he cannot step up to the plate show him the door
Let’s put it in a realistic way that can be easier to differentiate
-husband, grown man that has already gone through childhood years with parents that supported him no matter what he was going through or put them through. As an adult he can and does make decisions based on his knowledge and limits. As a human being stress and coping with it is something we all deal with but as an adult the capability to move through that stress with some assistance is very possible. As an adult he can make his own choice’s
-child, does not have the capacity, the knowledge, the brain development to deal with adult issue’s and needs support from parents to navigate through everything!
Husband not coping he needs to go get help where its relevant and not put that onto you. Child needs a parent/s that can lead them through with love and support.
Mum - get yourself some support and take care of your children, dad needs to make a decision and step up or step out its not your decision its his xxoo
Yall vex my spirit over on this page…choosing your husband looks like what? Tossing your mentally ill child into the wind? She is a kid who is not well, and not well not by choice. He doesn’t want to deal with that, then he can go.
You chose your child! Every. Single. Time. !! Wth… how is that even up for discussion.
There is no decision to be made…kids hands down everytime
You’re babies always come first. If you’re husband can’t understand and support you in that decision then say goodbye to him.
Like hell I’d choose a man over my child.
So after five years together he decides it’s too much? Tell him to hit the door and don’t let it hit him in the ass on the way out.
Im sure your daughter has been the same since yall got together. So if he couldn’t handle it he should have left a while ago.
I have a very difficult son from a previous relationship. Its hard on me and my SO but he would never make me choose between them.
Ditto what all the other comments say about show him the front door your child should come first.
Ur comment should have stopped at ur question!!! There is no need to even give us a reason why u have an explanation to this Question…u answered it urself! NO MAN COMES BEFORE YOUR CHILD!!! NO ONE COMES BEFORE YOUR CHILD!!! Not even you!! So for u to ask must mean your kids aren’t as important to you as they should be!
He chose to marry you, knowing your daughters issues. If he can’t work through them with you AND HER, then he sounds like a lost cause. Your daughter needs you, he doesn’t.
You and your children No matter issues are a package deal…there should not be a choice here
You don’t have to choose between! You ALWAYS choose your child!
I’m sorry but you should never choose a man over your daughter
You say he almost cancelled the wedding, but he didn’t, what made him go through with it in the end? He knew what he was getting himself into and accepted it when he married you. He’s changing his mind now although you’re doing everything you can to work through this together, he isn’t trying hard enough. If he wants to give up now then let him go and don’t allow him back in my opinion
No matter what a mother should always chose her child. Some people can’t handle what it takes to deal with mental illness. If he want to walk away let him.
Being a step parent is one of the hardest things. I’m sure it is very hard on your husband. However, I went through this exact situation for years with my son. He treated my boyfriend at the time like dirt. His stepfather never gave up on him and now he is 16 and the best kid I could ask for. Hang in there. She might be looking for attention from him to see how much he cares
No one is more important then my kids
Choose your daughter!!
My mother chose her husband over me when I was younger and we have NO relationship. I’m so thankful for my grandparents who have basically raised me since birth anyway, but at times I wish my mom wanted a relationship with me, especially given how nasty he is to her and my 3 younger half brothers behind closed doors.
You have to choose your child. I can understand how hard it is that your spouse is voicing that the family dynamic is too much but sadly that is his choice. You could ask him to try therapy? Otherwise it seems like he has made the decision to leave and honestly what is your other choice?
I’m sorry, but my opinion is that you DO need to choose your daughter over your husband. Your kids ALWAYS come first and if their stepfather is struggling to accept your daughter, emotional/mental issues and all, he needs to get into individual therapy.
If your husband is really at his wit’s end, recommend he stay with a friend or family member until he’s able to see clearly from therapy sessions. Your daughter is a CHILD, husband is an ADULT. There’s zero comparison, and if it was me, I’d tell him he needs to put on his big boy pants if he wants to stay married to me.
When you marry someone with kids, you should accept those kids as YOUR OWN. If you can’t do that, you shouldn’t get married to that single parent. Even wiser thinking, decide BEFORE marrying if you’re capable of fully accepting and loving soon-to-be stepchildren!
wow! My opinion might not be a popular opinion, but you need to LEAVE! Teenagers are difficult not excusing your daughters unacceptable behavior BUT honey my GOD what kind of a man says that to his brand new wife who is pregnant with HIS child. I’d pack his stuff and show him the door. You need someone on your team. Being a step parent is a hard job but it’s a commitment you make and stick to. Pick your kid.
There is more to it on his end. I doubt he just can’t handle it anymore. Dig deeper there most likely is an underlying issue on his end….
I get this question.
My oldest is 8. He has…ADHD, autism, odd, vision issues, gastro issues, and a paralyzed arm.
I love him, And 95% of the time I can see all the positives. I can see the loving sweet child…but there’s that other 5% that Hates the struggles that we have around his issues. I don’t hate him by any means…but I hate the struggle.
We have bad days. And neutral days. And good days.
Here’s the thing though…as a mom…I grew him. I gave birth to him. I’ve been with him nearly every day of his entire life. I have so many memories that don’t include any kind of struggle to help me through those bad days.
Unfortunately. My husband (not my oldest son’s biological father) doesn’t have nearly as many as I do…and so it is more of a struggle for him at times.
I can definitely say special needs kiddos can put a strain on relationships. Because it becomes so hard to focus on and work on the relationship.
I know you’re not really considering abandoning your daughter for your husband.
I know you’re asking if there’s any way to make it work.
And the truth is that I don’t know, because so much of that depends on him.
You both deserve a real conversation.
Why. What is he struggling with specifically? Is it a reasonable struggle? Is there a way to deal with it that doesn’t include abandoning your daughter?
I’ve found bonding time between my husband and my oldest to be extremely beneficial to those struggles…Reminding him of little things…Like the fact that my son is interested in sharks because my husband is…and that’s one way he shows love (adopting people’s interests) is helpful. Because sometimes he forgets those things.
Ultimately, it’s his decision. You can’t change his mind and you can’t force him to accept your daughter. But maybe you can give him the tools he needs to help him hang on during the struggles.
Seems like staying and being a dad has always been “optional.” For real, do you even consider that maybe you could just walk away because things are hard with your children? No. To him, he can just leave when things are tough. Always choose your daughter over your husband. Shouldn’t even be an issue.
Wow! Are you discussing getting rid of her to her or in front of her? If so that could be a big part of the problem. I have so many issues with this post and feel that it shouldn’t be a question! I would stand by child. I can only imagine how she must feel after reading this! It sounds to me like you’d rather just place her somewhere to keep your husband. Who in opinion doesn’t sound worth it.
Kids first no matter how bad it hurts
Honestly husband needs to grow up yes it is very difficult raising children that are going through these issues ( I am right now with my 14 year old ) but I am 100% Bless to have a man in my life that has taken this ride with me so I’m not alone. You are doing a good job mom . You need to ask him point blank are you here for the long hall the late night the cries I am going to give Because this is a struggle
Your kids come first. I know you’re overwhelmed from your daughter and the added stress of 2 more young kids but she needs you. He’s a grown man. He can either suck it up and deal with it or he can run and help financially take care of his 2 but he shouldn’t be your #1 priority.
Yes ladies I salute you… Our children first…
Is there even a choice!? Tell him a mother and a child are a package deal nomatter what…are you serious…
U should let his ass leave.
He’s probably the reason your oldest child is acting out and the fact that you’re questioning who to choose shows you’re probably part of the problem too. There’s obviously something wrong with your daughter. You didn’t mention whether she had issues all of her life or if these issues are recent. To ME, the choice is OBVIOUS. Your MINOR child needs you more then a grown a** man. If he wants to leave, LET HIM.
Ur child comes first. If he cannot handle a child now how is he going to cope in the future
Did I read your question right ? If he really loved you , he would NEVER even make you choose . If he does , choose your child. ALWAYS! I’ll be damned if a mf ever makes me choose between him and my child , cuz I’ll show him the door.
Leave him. Your partner should love your child as their own. And that includes dealing with all the stress the child may be. He sounds like a jerk.
Let him leave
Your daughter is 14, unwell and needs you. Yes its stressful, but would he walk out on his biological child?
You choose your child you always choose your child !
That’s your blood and your baby regardless of age.
You support her.
Our babies come first, no matter what. Never choose someone else over your babies, never give up on them.
Imagine the effect it would have on your daughter if she even knew this was a question in your mind! How would she ever cope with that! Obviously you pick your daughter it’s not even a question. Would you really want to be with a man that clearly doesn’t support you and your daughter. I would have had his bags packed the minute it came out of his mouth! I wouldn’t want to marry him anyway after saying that, I personally could never look at him the same way again x
He can fuck off then the twaat
It doesn’t sound like he was willing to go through thick and thin. Sickness and health applies to you and your children. Always pick your daughter. This is a no brainer
He needs to nut up or shut up. She’s a child. You’re taking correct steps to help. If he can’t adult up, ditch him.
You should never have to choose ! However your child comes first ! Period ! You don’t get to walk away when things get tough, you gave her life and a good mom supports her child regardless ! No man comes before your child, no matter what ! Your child needs you now more than anything !