Any advice for dealing with my mom?

Grandparents rights are extremely hard to get and hardly any states even do them anymore. They’re for cases were the grandparents were raising the child and the parents take them back and try to alienate the grandparents. They will only get them if them leaving the child’s life will cause major distress or issues for the child. Tell her if she’s going to threaten you and mistreat you she can never have him again. She has zero right to your child.

3 Likes

Block her & change your number

4 Likes

Document everything and cut ties. If she continues to harass or bother you get a no contact order by a judge, explain your diagnosis caused by her and what happened the one time you left her with your child alone and that now she’s bothering you and your son after you’ve asked that she leave you be. Don’t let anyone instill a fear in you regarding your child in this way, nip it in the bud before it’s an issue in court

1 Like

Cutting out toxic people is extremely hard especially when it’s a parent, but it can be done. It’s tough at first but at one point after you cut her out, you will feel this huge weight lifted off your shoulders. Enjoy your baby, they grow fast and won’t always need you to make decisions for them. :wink::heart:

2 Likes

My 5 year old is Autistic, My mother doesn’t believe in these things (Old School) due to my daughter having Meltdowns, my mother called her a psycho to her face, she now see’s a psychologist (my 5 year old that is) I spoke to her psychologist about what my mother had said to her and my daughters psychologist said she seem Toxic and my daughter doesn’t need that kind of behaviour in her life especially dealing with her own little issues. 1 year on and haven’t spoken to my mother.

She can’t take your child. Most states don’t even have grandparents rights anymore. She’s just trying to manipulate and scare you again. Keep your baby safe.

3 Likes

It’s another scare tactic into bullying and manipulating you into getting what she wants.

2 Likes

You can only get grandparent rights if one of the grandchildren parent has past away example if you should pass then she can file for grandparent rights she would then have all ur rights as If you was still here

If she sees him how can she fight for grandparents rights? You arent keeping him away from her. You are just not allowing overnights.

I would document every day and time frame of when you visit so if she does try to say you are keeping her from him you have the proof.

No lawyer or judge in their right mind will side with her

1 Like

Do we have the same mom??? Seriously, u decided once I got pregnant with my son that she would never, never, never get the chance to treat and manipulate my children the way she had done to her 5 children their whole lives. Haven’t had contact with her for 5 years and honestly I’m MUCH happier since cutting her off. Every time she gets a new phone number to contact me I block it right away.

Rip the bandaid and be done with her. At this point it’s about protecting your child from her toxicity.

1 Like

Move away. You’re grown! I left at 13, knew I’d end up dead or damaged worse so I left. Now im 52. I have no regrets. She passed away in 2016 and put in her will how much she hated me…for every one to read.

3 Likes

You need to take a distance from her. Tell her that you are an adult and make your own choices. She is going to try and scare you but there isn’t anything she can do.

1 Like

You are allowing her to do this. Walk away from her. Toxic is toxic

7 Likes

You don’t need her in your life nor your sons life. Just bc she’s your mother does not mean it’s ok to be treated this way. You are an adult with your own thoughts and feelings. You are in control. Do what’s best for you and cut all ties with her.

4 Likes

Cut all ties. If she’s that toxic and brings no positive support or love to your life or your child- you have no responsibility to have a relationship

6 Likes

You just stop engaging.
You stop calling, answering calls, visiting any type of communication…Block her on any and all social media accounts you have.
She will most likely throw a fit but eventually she’ll get your message.
Do not allow the guilt trip/pitty party push you to do otherwise.

4 Likes

Cut her off. Period. Heal yourself and walk away. I had to do it with my mother

3 Likes

Just stop contact. It may hurt as she is your mother. But u need to keep your child safe . X

Why is she even still playing a part in your life? She is toxic. You can love her from a far but don’t allow her to do the same thing to your son as you know she did to you. Only you can stop it. Stop it.

GrandParents rights are for extreme measures, like if one parent is out of the picture and the other parent or even guardian of the child is not allowing the grandparents or family on that side see the child.

Any lesser matters rarely even make it infront of a judge. Don’t let her get to you. Just laugh at her

2 Likes

Most states do not have grandparent rights. Check your laws and then stop the cycle of abuse in your family. I hope you also get the help you need to heal.

2 Likes

I doubt she even has the money to fight for grandparents rights. Also, if you have medical proof from a Shrink that you have abuse trauma, she doesn’t stand a chance in hell. If she was so traumatizing to you, why would you even take your child around her, let alone have anything to do with her?

1 Like

you do nothing, because she can’t do nothing. Plus if this is how she is when watching your son, her grandson, I wouldn’t even go over there. Just because she gave birth to you, you are under no obligation to be or do anything for her, And do yourself a favor & find a great therapist & talk to that person in how this woman who gave birth to you has treated you since you were a little girl. Because again you are under NO obligation to her at all

2 Likes

Cut her out of your life. Its what i did and my life has never been so peaceful.

Take a deep breath. If you can’t hire a family law attorney, go to your local legal aid office and talk to an attorney there. You need expert advice by someone who knows the laws of your state inside and out.

3 Likes

Move on she’s too toxic you don’t want your son to have the same trauma and call her bluff she can’t do shit if you’re doing everything you need to as A parent.

Let her rant and try. Cut ties.

1 Like

Maybe you can recommend therapy or something I’m not condoning her but as a mother I am not perfect and my daughter is currently mad at me so I guess I can see both sides she’s probably just feeling like she has no say so over your life because she dosent and she isn’t the go to person idk I’m rambling but I hope it helps you in some way

Cut ties. It’s as simple as that. You are not obligated to let your mother, any other family member or any other person in your child’s life.

Let her waste her time and money trying to take him from you. Unless you’re unfit and he is living in unsafe conditions, she is wasting her time. No court will give rights to a grandparent when the parent is fit. Besides, even if it did make it in front of a judge, all you would have to do is submit your own diagnosis of childhood trauma as proof that allowing her custody/visitation of your child would cause trauma for him.

She is still trying to control you and just can’t grasp that she no longer has power over you.

5 Likes

Offer to meet in a cafe once a month. I’m in England here grandparents rights are once a month . If you can’t cope send a trusted friend to overlook .

If you have a diagnose childhood trauma, she has no rights! She is trying to manipulate you, don’t let her. She wants everthing to go her way. Stay strong!

4 Likes

I had the same childhood, and trauma to sounds like as you. I am 38, and have almost completely cut my toxic mother out of my life. Was it easy, no. Did she try to start her manipulation with me, yes. Did I let her, no…
I know it’s hard. But the sooner you out your foot down, the better, even if that means you and your child do not interact with her much. And as you show her that she now has no power over you, the more she (may) start to see she is not going to win. My daughter is 8, and she tried the grabdparental rights bs many years ago, WELL, grandparents have no rights here in Oklahoma. And considering the mother she was to me, she has0 rights in my mind anyways. Now that my mother sees i will not tolerate her behavior, she has not been as toxic or manipulative, and when she starts she is cut off. And honestly after 38 years, it feels sooooo good to not deal with that stuff! Toxic is toxic, even if its your relatives. It took me 5 years to get to the point I’m at with my mother, but she understands I’m done with her crap. My only advice is to start standing your ground with her, and start withdrawing you and your child from her life, I still let my daughter see my mom, but I do not allow her to be an influence in her life, nc overall she is not a good influence.
I wish you luck on your journey, and just remember to stay strong, bc they formed and shaped us this way to use it all against is out whole life. AND ITS NOT RIGHT OR HOW IT SHOULD BE!
Many hugs

1 Like

CUT HER OFF. For your sanity and your child’s well-being. If she can’t watch him over night the correct way they don’t need to have him. If you must tell your mother that because of how she has treated you and your son that there will be distance put between y’all. And then DO IT. Don’t go back on it later. She sounds manipulative and toxic asf. Personally I would just put the distance between y’all and then just go about your life. I know it’s hard to do given the history between you and your mother but believe me when I say you will be so relieved to have her gone. Just because someone is family doesn’t mean they get a pass to treat you like sh!t.

Take a deep breath.
You may have to cut all ties with your mother. My mother is the same way with me. She told me she was fighting for grandparent rights. I live in Virginia and we don’t have grandparent rights. It’s going to hurt, you are going to miss not talking to her. Yet at the end of the day you have to do what is best for you and your child. I know you don’t know me from Adam, but if you need to talk I’m here.

2 Likes

Your fine and she’s just threats, obviously do not let your son stay the night anymore, waking up peeing through a diaper and soaked? She didn’t change him, thats unacceptable grandma of the yr, and it’s time for You to set boundaries for her until she gets this crazy talk of grandparent rights out of her mind. When someone threatens anything about taking your child away is a red flag!!! Stay far and clear for awhile

The Sisterhood: Daughters of Narcissistic and Abusive Mothers

Daughters Of Abusive Mothers
Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers 2.0

And also
Advocates Against Grandparents’ Visitation Rights

Toxic is toxic. I would cut ties and if she wants to make some changes and come visit you guys on your terms then so be it. You are in charge of your life and your son mama.

Cut her off and move on without her she’s only causing you worries and definitely keep your baby away from them

If someone disrupts my peace, I cut ties. It’s not worth it. Plus, as a child you didn’t have much of a choice. Now that you are an adult, you do. Do what’s healthy for you and your child. You’ve dealt with toxic behaviors from her your whole life and now it’s time to change that cycle. I promise you will enjoy life more once you make that decision.

Not sure where you’re located, but not all states grant grandparents rights . In your case, you’re an adult under treatment for trauma caused by your mother, surely the state would review that & take that into account.
Otherwise, I would cease all contact and get the advice of a lawyer. Legally know where you stand and what you may be up against. Honestly, I think it’s all talk and manipulation to get you to fall in line. Only you can choose whether or not you’ll tolerate it or that around your son.

Just go on with you life. Put her on ignore .

She can’t do anything stop going around her

As much as this hurts on the same token she most likely is a victim of the same abuse and that’s all she knows , your grown now she does not control you or your life and if your not in therapy now is the time to get into therapy and either set boundaries or close that door completely.

Cut her off. Move, get a restraining order. You need to start the road to healing.

Kicking toxic people completely out of your life—regardless of familial status—is 100000% AOK! Move away, move on, and be happy!!!

2 Likes

I can’t tell you how much I can relate to this. I can’t help but I’m praying the crazy b leaves you alone. Keep doing for you and your kiddo and get her out of your life :blush::two_hearts:

I would start keeping track with dates and times when stuff like what happened the night he did stay so you can bring that up in court. My Mom is also toxic and luckily we live 12 hours away, soon really don’t have to deal with her that often. Good luck

If you have the ability to distance yourself from her, do it. Get yourself in therapy to help process the trauma you endured as a child. Stop or limit the interactions your child as with your mother. You are an adult and have the right to dictate how others treat you, which is often difficult when you are raised in a toxic environment, surrounded by manipulation. You need to set firm boundaries and consequences with your mother and if she cannot adhere to them, then follow through. It will be difficult however your mental health will thank you.
Document, document, document… Check the rights grandparents have in your state. Don’t allow her threats to force you to give in, that’s what she is hoping for. You have the right abs obligation to protect your child and break the cycle of abuse/trauma. YOU DESERVE TO LIVE A PEACEFUL LIVE💕

Just stop responding to her. You keep allowing this

Honey , Divorce your Mom.Stay away from her.Believe me it doesn’t get better.She will destroy as much of your life as you allow.Your baby has to have a stable Mom. Get into counseling.Love and blessings to you and your baby.

1 Like

Cut ties. She has no rights implied or otherwise. Fear is her tool, knowledge is your power. Move if you have to.

3 Likes

Completely cut her off. you are an adult now you don’t have to deal with all that. an neither should your son.

1 Like

Just because it’s your mother doesn’t mean you have to take her crap. Your life is your own, do not be afraid to cut off anyone that doesn’t make your life better. She is a poison and poisons must be excised. Good luck!

1 Like

No contact. I’m sorry but bay your going through this. some people you can’t have in your life or they will destroy it even parents.

1 Like

She would have to hire a lawyer to even try to go to court for grandparents rights. It’s your job as a mom to protect your child. I definitely wouldn’t allow overnight stays anymore.

1 Like

No state in America has grandparents rights, so just ignore her threats, narcissists usually feed off your reaction.
Just ignore her, an if she wants to keep fighting you, then just block her.
She legally can’t do anything, note my mom called dhs on me, cause I had cut her off.
Dhs looked around my place, and determined the kids weren’t abused, an they left.
Honestly cutting her off might be your best option, as I personally had to resort to those measures, as my mother refused to listen to reason.

3 Likes

Getting into counseling it will help teach you boundaries and how to stick to your boundaries. I would also say that with her mental instability I can’t see a judge granting her grandparent rights.

1 Like

Its VERY hard to get grandparents rights, and they don’t exist in most states.

Do not let her know what’s going on in your life don’t tell her what your doing keep everything a secret.

Most states don’t have grandparents rights like they use to. I have issues with my mother as well. As hard as it may be just because that’s your mom stay away. You can communicate if YOU choose by text or phone. Your mental comes first now for the sake of your child and you damn sure don’t wanna expose your son to any of the trauma you were exposed to

Just stand up to her. That’s why she does what she does because she knows she can. Just tell her “that’s fine. I’ll see you in court. Until then you won’t be allowed to see your grandchild.” Watch her change her attitude real quick if she really wants “grandparents rights.” And don’t be afraid because if she were to take you to court you can tell the judge your main reasons why your child is not allowed over there. For 1. Because of the last time he spent the night. And 2. From the sound of it she’s not mentally stable.
Don’t give her any authority to manipulate you. Stand your ground. Even if you’re scared. Don’t let her see that. She feeds off it. That makes her think she’s in control. STOP GIVING HER THAT CONTROL!

Here on out it’s up to you to steer this. You got this :muscle:t2:

1 Like

Get a journal and Document the incident you just described. When you are around her voice record her. Don’t leave your baby with her alone. Have a face to face with her and let her know that she will not be left alone with your baby because of that incident. Voice Record the conversation. I say this because if she does sue you for grandparent rights you will have evidence that your baby is not in the best of care being alone with her. I does she drink or use drugs? if so document that too. I think she is just a wind bag with regards to her threats but CYA sis. If she threatens you with bodily harm file a restraining order against her and go to court to make it permanent. The documentation will help you with showing a pattern of threats and disfunction. I wish you love and Light and protection from her.

2 Likes

Cut her off completely and if she’s trying to get grandparent rights go and get a restraining order ASAP!

Grandparent rights are extremely hard to get, and she would have had to have supported the child for 6+ months and the child have lived with her, show proof of that not having the rights to visit and see the child would harm the child in a great capacity. A lot of states don’t even have grandparent rights anyways, some do. But I wouldn’t worry too much about it as long as you do what you’re supposed to as a mom, you’re good

1 Like

as hard as it is, as people says you need to do what’s best for you and your son, and that is cutting ties with her.

What does she have over you? What can she threaten you with? Cut ties COMPLETELY your mental health is worth it!

Create a healthy distance from her and consider severing ties should she make it necessary. I eventually had to cut all ties with mine almost 30 years ago. I mourned the loss of having a mom and by the time she died I was at peace with my decision. To others she was a saint but to her children she was cold and manipulative and often cruel. It is not easy but you must weigh her actions against the health and safety of you and your child.

You need to stay away from her, you have your own trauma from your childhood with her and there is no need to subject your son to the same. Her threats are a way of controlling you nothing more. Easiest and safest thing for you to do for you and your son is to cut all ties and move on with your life. Good luck to you :heart:

Stop. I literally went through this. Step back. Block her. Ignore her. You need to heal. I’ve went 6 months and even though I love my mom and miss her and worry about her. I realized she only cares when it’s about her. It’s way healthier to heal and breathe. I got counseling and honestly, just being away from her has saved me much more

2 Likes

Years ago I was so broken I saw a therapist,and he ask me why I let my Mother control my life,she gave birth to me but she wasnt a Mother,which my was argument,Iife became so much easier when I stepped back.No more manipulation,done.She tried to get to me thru my children,inviting the teens out to visit,I found out later she was giving the kids,mixed drinks.Find a therapist,start a journal,you will be surprised what memories comes back.Write down any new threats,date it,makes it easier to not give in when crap starts again.She will try to get other relatives involved,just say No.It is not easy but so worth it.Find a therapist if at all possible,you are not alone.Remember She will try to use your children,sisters and other family,you are protecting your child.

1 Like

Move n take ur child with you. Not sure where u are but in NJ Grandparents don’t have any rights.

Walk away from her to protect yourself and your son. I cut my mom out of our lives several years ago and it was the best decision I have ever made.

1 Like

Just because she’s blood doesn’t mean you have to keep her involved in your life, or your child’s. You are the parent you get to say who you allow in your lives. You can literally walk away and never speak to her again. Let her try and get rights, she won’t get them. Block her, return anything she may send you, just move on.

1 Like

Cut her off. Period. There is NO WAY she can get grandparents rights unless you are an unfit mother yourself. Tell her your done with the toxicity and leave it at that. Block her from everything

1 Like

I don’t think it’s simply bipolar. She’s freaking mean with an ugly heart.

I wouldn’t worry about the grandparent rights part of it because that is very difficult if not impossible to get if the mother is fit. The court will likely be mad she wasted their time.

Grandparents are awarded right if the parents are unfit or they can prove they are the primary providers for the child(ren). They do not get them because they simply want visitation.

1 Like

She will not win, even if she did try

Cut all ties with her. She sounds beyond toxic and has zero benefit to you and your child’s life.
It’s ok to walk away and not look back!
I get it, it’s difficult bc it’s your mother, but it sounds like this is the best option.

Go no contact. Block her on everything. Find peace within yourself about how she treated you.

And… Join this group! It’s full of amazing, supportive women who went through want you did as a child :heartbeat:

Ok I’m in South Africa. In my country Grandparents have no rights. But the reason I am messaging you is for advice and I fully understand your situation and have complete sympathy for you. You know how she ruined your childhood and you have issues with it and most likely have had some sort of therapy for this either by a professional spiritual leader or friend or family member. You know how you feel and felt about your mother and you must protect your child at all costs. I am a father so I know. You do not want the same influence over your child as you had. As all people and parents we have different parenting styles. Your mother is most probably a narcissist. You cannot talk or reason with one. They have their sense of reality and will only try to gaslight you. For your childs safety and your sanity and peace or mind. Do not say anything or do anything, they know exactly what they are and try hide it as much as possible. Just leave and cut off all contact with your mother as possible your child is too young to understand and will forget the grandmother. Move on with your life and heal. Nothing you can do or say will ever fix it. A narcissist will never change.

5 Likes

Always remember that she is a product of her own upbringing. So she ended up like this because of her parents. That said, you don’t have to pander to her. You have to be firm with her and she must learn that certain behaviour will cause you to stay away. It’s unlikely that she’ll learn but at least you gave her the chance. Don’t be scared to call a spade a spade with her. Some people are too scared to be bold with their unruly parents. What did you say to her after the last sleepover debacle?

1 Like

Move away and change your number

No contact for you and your child. It is necessary! You will feel such relief and no guilt! Exactly what you need. Live your best life!

3 Likes

It’s probably just empty threats and she doesn’t have a leg to stand on but with saying that still DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!! Threats, emails texts anything. As long as you are a good mom don’t worry beautiful. She’s just a narcissist. Sadly my mom is too

1 Like

Some states dont even have grandparent rights. Also they have to prove you are an unfit parent to even allow grandparent rights. Like dhs involved that sort of thing. Ignore her threats and do what’s best for you and your child.

1 Like

There’s no such thing as grandparents right for kids with good moms and home. She doesn’t stand a chance. Laugh at her and don’t leave your baby.

2 Likes

Your an adult now. You make your own decisions. You raise your children, not her. She can’t take your child away from you. You need to write her a letter saying all the things you need to. This way she can’t steamroll you by yelling. Then stay away from her for a while. She might realize what she’s loosing and wake up.

Yep. dont go around her.stay away…ur torturing yourself… Dont blame anyone else. Stay away

1 Like

Block her and keep your son away from her why would you take him to her knowing what she is like

1 Like

Keep your child away from her. And don’t let her scare you with her threats. You and your child deserve safety and peace of mind. You won’t get that with her around. I’ve been there. And done that. And the best thing I did for my daughter and myself was to cut her out of my daughters life. She was emotionally and spiritually abusing my daughter. Even over the phone and 2k miles away

None of the 50 states have grandparent rights.

My mom is schitso bipolar. She did same thing…mental and physical abuse…trying to control my life…I ran away at 19 and didnt look back. Moved in with now hubby and have had a good life since. I blocked her out of my life for awhile. Then she said had cancer and played the pity party. I ignored it until my aunts started pestering me to let her see my kids. She gets to come over holidays and bdays and spends the night if she wants,bc lives over an hour and a half away…but me and her about get into it every time she comes bc she wants to bring up the past and act like the victim and like i should apologize to her. Just know…she isnt unstoppable. Give her an ultimatum…stop her crap and she can see the kids for holidays, bdays,and possibly for short visits…but she wants to keep the threats up then she will be cut off. She cant get grandparent’s rights without it being proven your kids are in an unfit or unstable home…and it doesnt even exist in most states. Im in Alabama and grandparents have no rights. Do your research and put her back in her place. If she doesnt agree to follow the rules,then cut her out completely

She’s showed you “unreasonable” her whole life, why would you expect different? My advice is: if a person is not safe for you, she’s not safe for your child. And if cutting her off was the best option for you, it’s more compassionate to do it sooner than later (when she’s too old to learn to be without you) :broken_heart: Please give yourself permission to live in peace, including inner peace :peace_symbol:

4 Likes

Grandparents have no rights lol it isn’t their kid. It’s an entitlement to someone else’s child.
I’d be absolutely pissed if my baby was soaked in pee and not taken care of. I’d have done the same. With bipolar disorder you have to set firm boundaries for the safety of you and your dependents. If she isn’t medicated and in therapy then I would cut ties entirely. It only gets worse and you and your baby will be the target.

1 Like

If your mom is as toxic as you have stated, perhaps you should stop all contact with her. Block her calls, texts, emails…and stop all visits to her home.
You are an adult; cut those ties and live your own life without her interference.

2 Likes

My momma was the same…it is unfortunate but only you can make her stand down. By standing up for you. The good thing…there are no grandparent rights in most states. Chin up mom and deflect that crap! Allow visitation ONLY when she’s behaving. I can not begin to tell you the number of events I’ve left on my side of the family due to my mom. However kids are not our parents pawns. You are their shelter. Shelter them from that which you had. Good luck❤

I feel for you. My mother was bipolar way back when it was referred to as manic depression. She was a powerful and loud always talking force 7ntil she had a nervous breakdown. She was put on meds and hardly talked at all after that. She was a totally different person. Ten years later she started having strokes and was partially paralyzed. She has been gone over 20 years. Keep your kids safe.

How are you doing Kier?

They removed grandparent rights unless it’s extreme issues such as death of parents, abuse, or neglect obviously. They have to prove you’re unfit and the fact you get mental help actually is in your favor because they would consult your therapist to see if they deem you mentally stable to have your children. Don’t let her fool you, she ain’t got no rights and it’s out of her control. Put a contact order on her ass if she becomes obsessive. It’ll show her she’s not your boss anymore and you’re more than willing to send her out of your life over that crap