So. This is my second pregnancy, second baby shower and I do not want her there. The first shower I invited her. She showed up an hour late. She doesn’t try to spend time with her grandson. She showed up to his first bday after the party ended. (She lives less than 5 minutes away)Fast forward, I’m on my second pregnancy. She has been rude and just says hateful things about me. Also, she didn’t show up to my wedding because, “she didn’t have time to put makeup on” The other night she called me a “B@!”h wife” to my husband and said “I could get a job” when I am a sahm because I don’t trust my son being in someone else’s care and neither does my husband. I’m also 31 weeks pregnant. Because of her comments I do not want her at my baby shower. Aita for not inviting her?
I wouldn’t invite her. If she is hateful to you, there’s no reason for her to be there just for her to ruin you and your husband’s moment.
Man, I seriously couldn’t imagine having a MIL like that. My ex MIL & I still talk all the time because the kids are what are important. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
Don’t invite her, but you need to have a talk with your husband on why he’s allowing this behavior from his mom? Unless you already have talked, but that’s not ok and you come before her or need to.
My step MIL will not be invited to my baby shower. She has nothing to do with me and will not even speak to me when I am around. She didn’t say one word to me at my gender reveal and from that moment I realized she will not be invited to anything else involving my baby
Nope. Not only would I not invite her, I would make it clear that even if she learns the details from someone else, she isn’t welcome there-or to anything else-until she can show some respect and consideration for you and your children.
First things first, you and your husband NEED to be on the same page. You cannot fight this fight without him by your side (which should be a no brainer considering you are his wife and mother of his children).
Once you and he have had a detailed conversation about feelings and boundaries, make a plan to explain to MIL (with him there or even just him) that she is no longer welcome in your lives. That’s how it’s gotta be. Not just sometimes or on special occasions. No contact. No control.
You and your children should always be forefront. ALWAYS. There is literally no excuse for behavior like that.
Once that’s done, live your best life and go forward with zero stress.
I wouldn’t want someone negative on a special day for me to enjoy and be stress free, and the disrespect sealed that deal.
No, what’s with your husband allowing his mother to treat you this way? He needs to put a stop to it and her behavior doesn’t change keep her away from your kids. Your kids should not grow up with grandma bring nasty to their mother.
NTA! Protect your peace… stand your ground & I hope your husband backs you on it! & I wouldn’t let her around my kids either… You don’t get to disrespect me & have access to my children
Not the AH…
Big question… does your hubby stand up to her for you . Or 'try to keep the peace ’
Nope, not at all. You do what is best for you and your family. If people wanna be disrespectful, keep them away.
Nope! It’s your baby shower. If she makes a big deal out of it tell her that you figured she wouldn’t want to attend after what she told your husband she thought of you.
I would invite her just because I’d constantly be second guessing myself if I didn’t. Maybe she won’t even show.
How is this even a question? She should be cut off not just not invited …. She seems terrible for your family and kinda surprised the husband hasn’t done anything about it
Showers are intended for first time pregnancy…why are you having a second?
No, why would you invite her? I would not spend any time with her, nor would my children
one when she called you a B–h wife your husband should have show her the door and told her she wasn’t welcome back till she changed her ways, two it’s your day not hers enjoy the day without her
Man. Your husband needs to man up and put a stop to his toxic mothers way. I would not be inviting her
Sweetie it’s so simple!! Stand your grounds… ENJOY your BABY SHOWER
Nope. If I was in your position I’d be feeling just like you, straight up I wouldn’t care if I hurt her feelings because she obviously doesn’t care about yours. And I hope your husband is taking your side. I still talk to my ex mil because I do love her and she’s a fantastic grandmother
The fact that she feels freely to talk about you to her son says something. He shouldn’t tolerate her to talk like that about you! I know it puts him in a bit of a jam, but letting her get away with it doesn’t help. I wouldn’t invite her personally. A baby shower should be relaxing and something to enjoy
Not at all! She is the asshole for being disrespectful to his son’s wife. She doesn’t deserve to be in y’all’s life at all!
Stop stressing. Her invite was lost in the mail. Have fun. If she comes her behavior is on her, not you. Shame on her.
NTA. I wouldn’t want her there either.
Just make sure that you and your husband are on the same page because you don’t want his mother driving a wedge between the two of you and causing issues in your marriage.
Swallow your pride and invite her. She won’t come anyway but you will have taken the higher road. In the off chance she comes introduce her as your husband’s mother and don’t feel you need to treat her any differently than other guests. While your own Mom will be front and center serving, picking up wrapping paper and helping you write down gifts for Thankyou notes, don’t expect the monster in law to be more than a figurehead.
Absolutely not! You don’t need that negativity in your world at all, but especially when you’re pregnant
I’m sure she’ll understand why she’s not invited…If Not, then explain it to her in writing
Boundaries!! Your children will notice of their mama is stressed. Don’t allow her to stress you out and take some of your energy away from your kids!!
Not the a-hole. Sometimes you have to cut toxic people out of your life even if their family.
Toxic is toxic and I’d keep her ass as far away from you as possible!!
Toxic is toxic… Love her from a distance. No I wouldn’t invite her
What does the husband say about it?
Time for mommies boy to step up to the plate. Why has he not stopped his mothers bad behavior
Normally only have baby shower for the first kid anyway.
Nope! My mother wasn’t invited to my baby shower
I wouldn’t ever invite her to my wedding or anything for that fact!!
Nope nta… I hope your husband is standing up for you though.
Nope. You invite people who live and support you and the little one. Sounds like she she doesn’t.
Sounds like she ITA. Don’t invite her.
Don’t invite her. She doesn’t deserve to be invited.
Nope, your not wrong! Don’t invite her
As a mother your number one job is to protect your cubs from dangerous and toxic environments both “foreign and domestic”, just as in nature
I wouldn’t have her in my life, PERIOD.
Absolutely not an ahole and I wouldn’t invite her either!! What a b$%##!!
Nope, not at all. Why ruin the party.
Don’t do it girl! Remove all the toxic people!
No reason to invite her blood doesnt make family.
No, & your husband needs to put his foot down & set boundaries for how his mother treats you! What is allowed will continue.
Definitely not. Don’t invite her.
No your are not an AH. But seriously, your hubs should have nipped this in the bud a long long time ago.
If it as you described then no why would you invite her? But I’d like to hear her & your husband’s sides. Is there anything youve done to cause this behavior? Or is there a misconception?
I’ll be the ass not wanting her around you or your family!!
You’re definitely NOT the jerk.
No. She treats you poorly, she doesn’t deserve to be there.
No one needs a toxic person at a gathering for a baby shower or family gathering, she is out of line ( the mother in law to clarify).
Nope. It’s your baby shower nits a day for YOU to celebrate and be happy and surrounded by love. You don’t need to worry about being stressed out by her presence or worrying about what she may say or do.
She doesn’t like you and don’t want to come anyway so what’s the problem…?
Did she make the baby?
Is she carrying the baby?
Will she be birthing the baby?
Will she be supporting the baby?
Did she pay for the shower?
Has she EARNED the right to be included?
If you can’t answer any of these questions with “yes” than why even entertain inviting her?
Tell her she’s rude and not invited due to her actions.
Fuck no, NTA, and fuck her.
No invite!!! Period!!! No negativity
Nope I didn’t invite mine for a lot of the same stuff and she called and told me a week later sorry I didn’t come I just didn’t want to see my ex husband and I said that’s fine u weren’t invited
Block toxic people out point blank
Eewww. She is definitely not invited. Screw that
You are not a AH for setting reasonable boundaries
Is this even a real question?
Not the AH at all. I’d cut her out of my life completely with that toxic attitude she has.
Ghost her! My “mother in law was a major narcissist bye bye she does not know and will never know our kids. Best thing I ever did!
NTA. You need your husband to have your back here and agree on where the boundaries and expectations are. It’s not okay for her to be doing these things and yet still expecting to be able to be part of your family life.
Cut her off completely and don’t ever speak to her again or feel guilty. She is very much the A hole in this situation. One of those evil women who thinks everything is about them.
This is a hard one….I personally have a DIL that can never ever be pleased and she has taken aim at me quite often during the years.
I love my son and my grandsons and I am always happy and willing to participate in their lives….when allowed.
It seem that when my DIL would like me to purchase something for her or the family then I am allowed to be a part of……shortly after I am then held at arms length every-time.
It is such a heartbreaking feeling.
Have you ever just sat down with her and asked her if she is struggling with anything or let her know how hurt you are by her actions?
Rarely will revenge and angry decisions make things better would be my guess.
I would not draw a line in the sand here….it’s just an invitation and per your posting it sounds like she will not come anyway…correct?
If she does then maybe there is hope that things can change for you and your family and it sets a tone for a new path forward.
I would bet your husband would be happy if he were not stuck in the middle of siding with his wife or mother.
A little grace goes a long way.
Also it might be a good time to reevaluate one’s self to ensure that there isn’t something within one’s self that would be a part of the issue.
We all fully own 1/2 of all of our relationships.
Meaning 1/2 of its success or failure is ours to own.
I didn’t invite my ex mother in law to my second baby shower because of how she wouldn’t let my mom come and my sisters to come on my first baby shower. A lot of reasons I didn’t include her in my life and my children after she let her son beat me up for years and hurt the children like she looked at me and said nothing I can do he is the man of the house and father of the kids so deal with it.
You could always invite her that doesn’t mean she will come and you don’t have to interact with her if she did come.
You did the right thing. She clearly, has no respect for you!
And what is your husband doing with all these. He should put her in her place. Cut her loose
Tell the bitch to drop dead