Not to sound insensitive but, we live more than 16 hours from family.
It’s more than possible to do without help.
I understand the frustration you are feeling being let down by an unkept promise however I don’t feel that family is required to help in anyway at all.
I have twins and my husband and I pretty high five each other in passing. He works days I work nights. Occasionally we need someone for an hour or two…it’s tough.
You laid down and had them kids right ? … What would you do if they didnt live near by would you expect them to keep them for you or would you figure it out
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Well, your family isn’t obligated to watch your kids. So it’s kind of childish to cut them Off for not watching your kids
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Wow. Some of these comments. Smfh. If they’re offering and then backing down…cut them off. Stop paying the bills and find your own way. Not trying to be rude just being honest. Half these comments only wanna see the part of you complaining about not getting the help you need. Not the part where you’re paying your dads bills or the part where they offer and then back down. Then bragging about helping you guys all the time. F**k that. So sorry you have family like that. CUT THEM OFF.
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Wow.
Cutting off your family because they can’t baby sit your children when you want?
Wow
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Don’t do anything you may regret in the future. Maybe they don’t feel well or something but one thing I do know is that if you cut them out of the family in the long run you will regret it and your children will resent you for it. Try to work it out with them but make sure they are feeling well. Lots of us older folks want to do things but when the time comes we just cant because of health, lack of energy or whatever. They didn’t give up on their children when they were being raised so think about that aspect of it; maybe they just can’t do what they want to do. Talk to them about it without being critical; just ask if they can or cannot help out or should you find another solution. And maybe ask them if they have any suggestions if they can’t do it. You never know until you ask.
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i feel like the intro is a little misleading.
it sounds more like you want to cut them off because they keep stringing you along and are basically lying to everyone about their role in yours and your kids’ lives. i get it. i don’t think you should do anything drastic or permanent at this time but definitely pull back and don’t ask them for anything anymore. leave the ball in their court.
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I understand the frustration but that seems a petty reason to cut ties. They are not obligated. Just simply stop paying other peoples Bill’s, focus on your family. Doesnt mean you have to completely cut them off…
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No. We have zero help from family.
Cut them off. They want all the glory and fame of being grandparents but none of the work. That will be a mental health issue for your kids as they get older.
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I wouldn’t cut them out but I wouldn’t be asking them to anymore and taking their offer to with a grain of salt. If you need to find a good babysitter you trust and it costs more money than you expected let them know that you’ll have to cut back on their bills to ensure your kids are taken care of
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No but they should cut you off for being toxic. No one is obligated to help you, it’s very weird.
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Ur kids r not the responsibility of ANY member of ur family but the ones who made them. The parents. When u choose to have kids this should b a deciding factor. No ones fault but urs. Yes covid has thrown a monkey wrench in. But thats life. If u work from home i dont see y r having such a prob anyway. Better off than most.
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Definitely stop paying their bills if you still are…internet and tv are not necessities. You could use that money to hire a babysitter for the few hours you need. As far as them backing out, that does suck and leaves you in a bind…but I don’t think that is a reason to cut them out of your life. I would say they never get to see the kids unless you bring them over and stay. So maybe dinner once a month or something…but definitely NOT going out of your way to make sure they get to see the kids.
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I’ve cut off family for less so i get it. Yeah, grandparents aren’t babysitters but don’t allow me to pay your bills, not see my kid, and run around telling everyone how much you do for me. That’s an immediate cut off for me 🤷. People get all bent out of shape about it but if it happened to them they’d be pissed off too.
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I feel as if there’s more to the story
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I wouldn’t cut them off but I honestly would stop asking and just find another way. And I would stop contributing to the father’s (grandfather) financial needs. If you can’t help me, I can’t help you.
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No. Everyone said they were gonna help watch my baby, now if my boyfriend and I’s work schedule doesn’t line up I have to quit my job. It pisses me off YES but being a mom means sacrifices. He can support us, I just like to work. I won’t take her to daycare, and I won’t leave her with some random sitter.
It’s sad. We have the only grandkids in our family and we rarely see grandparents.
Grandparents are a luxury…both mine and my husband’s parents died when we were young so our kids do not get the luxury of that extra love, time, and attention. With that being said I wouldn’t help pay someone’s bills if they refuse to help you in return, that’s extra money that could be in your pocket for you and your kids. Family is family, and take what they are willing to offer you and be appreciative, feel blessed that your children get that extra love and patience bc they will not be around forever to give it❤️ it is very wrong of them to offer and agree and then back out as well though, but not worth cutting ties, take what you can get from them. Possibly look into taking the extra money you are paying on the family members bills and hire a qualified sitter in place. The best advice I can give you is the best advice I have ever received, in which I have no option but to live by…“you can only count on yourself”
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You sound very childish…you had these children! Why would you think the grandparents want to be built-in babysitters? I feel like there is more to this story!
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Your kids. Your responsibility 
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Well I’m a grandmother and do NOT feel OBLIGATED to give up MY TIME to babysit my grandchildren. A 2yo and an infant is ALOT to ask, it TRULY is as we are Not in our Prime anymore, Young Parents need to take this into consideration when expecting Grandparents to be childcare providers. Grandparents should be able to spend time with their grandchildren at THIER leisure NOT when Mom decides OR ELSE. We took our responsibility and made our sacrifices for OUR children without expecting our Parents to be childcare providers I really dont understand WHY this Generation feels so ENTITLED.
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Stop expecting the help and getting mad when you don’t get…
Cut them off with paying their bills…you don’t owe them anything and they don’t owe you anything…
Let them take all the glory they want…you know the truth, the truth will come out sooner or later…
Life is hard enough as it is…just do Ya’lls family and stop depending on other ppl.
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I wouldn’t count on family as a babysitter especially a work schedule type babysitter. A date night is one thing but to expect it daily is to much. Grandparents raised their children already, it’s their time to themselves. I would however be upset that they don’t come over to visit the kids. I also would stop paying family members bills and put that money towards a reliable sitter.
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Sometimes it really means a lot if family would help each other out. But I have come to accept that what I give may not always be reciprocated the way I want it, so I have learned not to expect from them. It’s tough, yes. I haven’t cut them off though, but have learned to limit myself as well.
What?
Are you even considering the fact that there is a pandemic, and they may be afraid to take the children right now??
And why do you have to “cut ties” to “start focusing on yourselves”?
You’re ALREADY focusing on ‘Yourselves’ by EXPECTING others to care for YOUR children! And now you’re going to cut ties with Family??
Very self-centered, with selfish expectations.
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Your parents aren’t your babysitters!
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Stop paying their bills. Stop expecting them be babysitters. Beyond that, you sound entitled as all hell. Despite what they say they will do, grandparent is not another word for babysitter. I would never expect family to watch my kids just because they’re family. My husband and I used to never see each other because we worked opposite schedules because we had no child care. No one is obligated to take care of YOUR children except for you.
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Regardless of what was allegedly said, supervision for YOUR kids is YOUR responsibility. 
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You decided to poop out babies. You can’t be mad at the grandparents for not wanting to babysit. They’re your kids, figure it out girl.
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I would disregard A lot of these comments only gonna make you feel worse…you know what’s right an wrong an what needs to be DONE 
no room for unsupportive people especially with kids that’s just hurtful…best of luck to you an yours sending love…dont give up the struggle is real…stay strong momma
I would bet half these comment come from peeps who get help with just a phone call away…smh
I don’t know that I’d be upset they can’t help but I’d be upset for canceling the way they do.
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Yes but no , iv dealt same aya cause had relatives choose other kids kids thear grandkids over mine and all I can say is thear loss my gain
No. It’s not their responsibility.
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Cut out the liars and the leeches. Your kids dont need to be infected with that nonsense.
Wow…this group is fast to cut people off…husbands, parents, grandparents but y’all damn sure don’t want anyone to cut y’all off.
Pay a sitter or whatever you have to do. In the end you will feel more accomplished for making it on your own. It may be hard but it will be ok.
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My family lives in Florida and we live in Canada. Thank God our daycare is amazing in terms of staying open. But Since we are away obviously the grandparents are hardly ever an option. It used to be that my mother or in law would come and stay a week per year but that’s it. Just forget about depending on them. Pretend they just cannot do it. You’ll find a way to make this work.
Did yall miss the part where she said they dont even come visit the kids? If they can’t “take the time out of their day” to see their own grandchildren then yeah, cut it off and protect your children’s hearts from unnecessary hurt from family. “Your children your responsibilities” okay fine but you better not be getting baby sitters either, doesn’t work both ways. Kids aren’t meant to only be a prize for people to brag about, if you can’t make the time to be in all aspects of a kids life you don’t deserve to be in any of it. If your parents can take from you but can’t make an effort to give then leave that relationship alone.
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Im amazed at how many people, women, mothers on this thread dont believe in family helping family. In family support each other. This is a sad world we live in and im thankful for my family. We just have to ask and someone will help with whatever. My mom is out of work, i help her with her bills…in turn she keeps up my house because i work extra hours to help her. My sister works a night job. Needs help with getting my nieces to practices, we all step in and get it done.
Family isnt what it should be to yall! Thats for sure!
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They have Babysitters to watch your kids. You can’t expect anyone else to take care of your kids but you. I know it sounds mean and I truly don’t mean it to. I’m a firm believer you shouldn’t give and expect anything in return… Some grandparents can’t even handle watching small kids. Also, some kids are awful with others. Find a good teen babysitter to watch the kids at your house while you work, they can be really reasonable.
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At this point you guys have gone above and beyond. I’d start setting boundaries with your family, and probably taking some space. It doesn’t sound like they are there for you. I’m so sorry, hugs 
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I don’t think it’s fair to cut someone off that won’t help raise your child. That’s not their job. Bonus points if they do help but it shouldn’t be a requirement.
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Some of these people’s family dynamics are really weird/concerning. I was raised in a family were we all help each other out no matter what. A relationship between grandparents and their grandchildren is important for children. I would question if my own mother never wanted/spend time with my children or even offer help if I needed help…damn us mothers shouldn’t have to pay for help/having a little break once in a while(we deserve it) …mothers shaming mothers is what I see here.
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I don’t think she means cut them off by never speaking to them I’m pretty sure she means by quit helping them out financially like she’s been doing when they can’t take 2 hours out of their day to help with family. And YES I would cut them off if you want a helping hand you gotta be able to give that same helping hand back in return
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I would not pay their bills and I am a grandma of two (2) grand babies. If I say I am going to watch them I watch them. I would rather watch them to have them in daycare.
But it sounds like it’s pretty consistent, I would just stop asking them to watch them and find a different option.
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Some of these responses. 
My girls are 13 months apart- my mom refused to babysit until I got divorced, then she babysat for my ex so he could go on dates with the woman he left me for. Some people are just assholes, even if they’re family.
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Not their responsibility, it is yours only to take care of and provide childcare.
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I also would feel very unwanted by my grandparents if they didn’t want to watch me as a child.
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Take the money youve been giving towards your dad’s bills and put it towards an in home babysitter. I wouldn’t cut them off but I also sure as hell wouldn’t go out of my way to have the kids see them either
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My parents both worked full time when my daughter was young. My Dad usually worked two jobs. I knew they loved her, and loved me. We would spend lots of time together on the weekends.
You need to realize that you cannot expect more from someone then they can give. Cutting off family cause they won’t help, is selfish in my eyes. I am an only parent with 2 kids and it is rare I get help from family. It is not easy, but to cut them off cause they won’t do what I want, is silly. As for paying for your fathers things. Do you do it to help him or do you do it expecting the help in return.
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I get the dad situation. He’s willing to take the help with money… but, not willing to help with kids so you can make the money. But; still NO one owes you anything. Take it from someone who’s family uses and abuses tf outta them. I pay and pay and do and do and still never expect anything from any of them. Thank God I have a super supportive partner and we make things work!
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There are generational differences that we might rely on as a basis for what families should do now vs what has been traditional. I will say as someone turning 50 soon, my grandparents were eager and willing in the 70’s to watch me and my sisters. My parents were grateful and probably expected it.
Over time, parents are busier, invested in their own interests and feel little obligation toward caring for grandchildren in the domestic sense. They might be interested in recreational time which they perceive as domestic care because of the tasks required during that time and that they have your children for X amount of time, therefore they feel like they are helping you out. It is all perception and it kind of sucks because you need help and are not getting it in the manner you need.
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Not their kids, not their responsibility. You shouldn’t give only to get.
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Your parents have raised their kids. It isn’t their responsibility to watch them. I think it’s completely fair to ask your dad for help in exchange for continuing to pay for his utilities. I think cutting them out is a bit extreme.
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There’s a pandemic going on and a lot of grandparents are feeling vulnerable to Covid and younger people who don’t care as much about Covid as some older people do.
How dare you be mad at them for safe guarding their own life.
If that’s the situation and it very well could be.
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I think a lot of those commenting are missing the part where she said that their daycare is closed indefinitely because of Covid. I seriously doubt there are many other available daycare spots. I am a grandmother. I have offered to babysit when my daughter in law returns to work. I would not have said that if I wasn’t going to do it though. No, grandparents are not obligated to care for grandchildren. However, if you say you’re going to do it, follow through.
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Nope they aren’t obligated to help me with anything.
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First of all all these comments! She is having a problem because of day care being closed because of Covid! And she needs help! Family first! I’m 73 and retired in June 2020 from work because of my husbands health risks, but I’ve had great grandchildren more than I haven’t because of day cares being closed or too full, in my opinion if your health is good help out with the babies! Your heart will thank you for it!!!
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Wow. Grandparents aren’t your babysitters.
I watch my grands because I want to, not because it’s expected. This sounds very childish & selfish to me. Find a new daycare, or neighbor to pay to help.
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I totally get being butthurt but in the end, its not their kids. Might as well take that dad money and use it for a sitter. I thought you were paying electricity or something but wifi n tv? Nah fam, they will live without that. Tell them you cant afford it anymore and leave it at that. If they get mad, they get mad.
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None of my family lives here. My husband’s mom is the only family here that will actually watch the kids and thats usually once a month or so as she works full time and has a life of her own. She comes to see the kids often to spend time with them, but not babysit. I would never dream of cutting her out for that reason. My kids love her. You had the kids, they’re your responsibility to watch or find care for.
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Well,
I do think to have kids just means it’s our own responsibility and it should be assumed that we will always do what needs to be done WITHOUT help.
However, if the help you’re giving has expectations attached to it, it should’ve been discussed beforehand (although I do think it’s pretty crappy of them not to want the kids). That’s just been my way of life; not expecting help from a single person. If help offers itself, cool. If not, I never expected it anyway.
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- Your kids your problem
- Perhaps discontinue paying for anyone else’s bills/things. If your parents complain tell them you will hire them as a sitter or that you are saving the money for a sitter/nanny and can’t rely on them and can’t fund their lifestyle.
- It is NOT selfish to cut people, yes even family out of your life. You have to do what is vest for you, hubby and your children. Everyone else be damned.
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No they are not obligated however if they can then why not? Too darn selfish to be considered family. Where is the support? Where is the village to help raise the children? Call a spade a spade. Too much family members, relatives and friends only talk the talk until you actually need them. I bet if they suddenly had a huge windfall then they’d all rally round like parasites. I said what I said!
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Take the money you would have spent on childcare fees and hire a babysitter/nanny.
They can take them to the park or just play with them at home while you both work. 
I’ve had this happen too in a way. Just let it go. Don’t dwell on it and handle it another way.
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When your own family doesn’t have a problem watching you struggle, they don’t deserve to be a part of your lives. That’s my opinion.
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I’ve gone almost 15 years without one minute of help from my family either side. You can only count on yourself. It’s sad but true.
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I know the same struggles ive had to give up on any help. Cause it just stressed me out and disappointing.
I look at it now their my children amd i have to figure something out. Well your the mommy babies need you and i have the 2 young plus 3 older children and i mamage i know youbcan do it
I guess you think being family means asking what can you do for me to make it worth my while to keep you in my life and my children’s lives? Your parents do not owe you anything. They are your children’s grandparents! They are not day care even if they offer to help, but then can not help for whatever reason. Find a reliable day care provider. Maybe find a high school student doing e-learning to help in your home for a couple hours a day. Do not expect your parents to provide day care and do not make it a condition of staying in your parents’ lives. Your kids need to know their grandparents. Your parents raised you and probably gave you a lot more than you can ever repay, so stop asking. Your kids will learn from your treatment of your parents how to treat you when you are Grandma. Give them great lessons. M.
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Why would they not want to be with their grandbabies? Also why are you paying a grown mans bills. That needs to stop. I have health issues that make me at high-risk for covid. It will not ever stop me for being around for my grandson.
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Trust me went through the same thing with my in laws. Now granted some of these comments are correct about them not being baby sitters, however my philosophy is this-if you offer to help, than you should back up your words and do the right thing, if you can’t do this, then don’t bother to offer because all it is is a broken promise. I told my mother in law that if there is a problem with you keeping an eye on your grandchildren for 3 hours a day, then do not expect me to bring them over so you can spend time with them. After I said that, she did not have a problem with doing it after that. But here is a better idea, I’m sure either you or your husband have a friend that could do it for you, pay them just like you did your day care. A lot of people need or could use the extra money due to the Covid 19 pandemic. You might also want to offer the grandparents the money, that way they can’t be hypocrites about helping you out considering your paying them.
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I dont think u should cut ties just find another way
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U cannot force ppl to do things… But ur kids are ur responsibility not theirs even if u do help ur parents out… Just find another way. Upset u can be but no cutting them off
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I certainly wouldn’t be paying any bills for them. When someone says something about all they do I would set the record straight. I wouldn’t stop talking to them but I would make it my availability. Not out of my way
I don’t know about this situation bt my fly internationally, leave her life behind just to see me deliver the baby and she’s full time grandma for almost 9 months, so far. True family members can’t see you going through struggle
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I am surprised at the attitude of the person who has this problem. Your parent’s sacrificeed thier time effort and life to bring you up as thier child. Paid for your entire life to get you where they have. You paying a pittance towards a couple of bills has made you bitter and self entitled. Grandparents are not babysitters and should spend time with grandchildren as and when they want with no blackmail attached. Grandparents are not àlways fit healthy and energetic physically and mentally to take on youngsters who have the the energy of jumping jacks on drugs.
Grandparents feel grandkids are a blessing to have on thier own terms not a chore. Dont jeapordise your relationship for a few quid a month and treat your parents like your personal bonded slaves.
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It is hard being a parent in general but it’s also hard if you find somebody to help out whether you’re paying them or not and then they fall through that sucks that means somebody can’t go to a job if they have to leave or maybe a doctor’s appointment has to be canceled believe me I’ve been there but I think what she’s getting at is that they say that they’re going to help so they make plans around that and then the grandparents fall through. Yes they are not obligated by any means to help out but I also believe if you say you’re going to be there then you need to be there. So maybe not necessarily cut ties with them but limit some of your exposure don’t even worry about relying on them try and find a consistent babysitter to help you maybe just two hours a day and yes I know it’ll dip into your paycheck a little bit but a few hours a day should be a little bit more reasonable than having the kids in a home daycare all day I know those can definitely get expensive we have not been able to afford daycare at all so I have to stay home with the kids I do not have a job other than that. But yes I do think that if you need the help you are going to have to look elsewhere I don’t know if there’s any other animosity with you guys or anything but if you want to save the relationship and just keep them as grandparents then great if you want to cut ties with them and see if that works better than that’s fine too it doesn’t necessarily sound like they’re abusive but they just might not follow through with plans. I think you have to ultimately make that decision don’t think anybody can tell you otherwise but my point of view from the house on take try and get somebody to come over for about 2 hours it’ll help with the kids for a little bit and it’ll give you a little bit of time whether it’s for you to take a shower and maybe get some food or whether you just are working uninterrupted.
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Almost all of these comments are super rude and I can’t believe the admins allow this kind of thing
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Your family didn’t lay down and have your kids why should they have to watch them. I have 4 children and never got a “break”. I do not understand having kids and then wanting everybody else watch them. Should have thought about all that before having children…
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Sorry no advice… I’ve not had a “real” job for 16 yrs. Been a stay at home parent because it’s cheaper then daycare
I fully understand your situation but and if it was not for covid you could have still sent them to daycare I think you need to have a word with your parents and tell them about your situation maybe they actually think you have everything under control
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Don’t except them to help. It was your guys choice to have kids. You gotta learn to figure it out. Families is a sticky situation. I don’t agree with cutting them off because they don’t help either. Heck if I did that than I’d only have two grandparents out of a lot left to see them. You need to find reliable child care. Start looking for someone to do two hours in the middle of your guys trade off. You gotta find some kind of relief but don’t put it onto someone who isn’t capable of doing what you need. Like these family members you think of. It’s not their job to help you just because you helped them before. Sad but true
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I didn’t see anyone really being overly rude. But I am so sorry that you feel so overwhelmed.
I never have expected my family to watch my kids. And everyone has a right to say no and change their mind.
I would definitely stop paying your dads bills and focus on finding a great babysitter though!
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You don’t have to cut them out, but definitely don’t expect help and dad can survive just fine without tv and internet.
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I wouldn’t necessarily cut ties but I wouldn’t ask them for help anymore as its obvious you are not going to get it. Find another day care that is open and use the money for your dads bills to help with daycare. Your parents are not required to help raise your kids and you are not required to help pay his bills.
It hurts when you have no support. Especially, when you are just trying to better your life. I had this problem for many years because I don’t leave my kids with anyone but my mom, but honestly I had to wait until she came around, which she has been a lot more supportive since my kids have gotten older. Some people just don’t have the patience and would you want to leave your kids where they are not wanted? I wouldn’t say cut ties with your family because of this. Also, if your parents are in a spot where they need financial help are you helping them from your heart or is it a business transaction? I understand you are in a tight spot but maybe you can hire someone to come sit with the kids while you work? Good luck to you. If they were good parents, remember that. Love them anyway because you don’t want to live with regrets.
Nobody but the people who created the children are obligated to care for them.
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It’s not their job to help you with the kids. Does it suck? Yes. But it’s not their responsibility. The going back on their word about helping you out and paying bills for your dad I can understand being very frustrating. On the same hand tho it isn’t your job to make sure people see your kids. So don’t ask for help anymore. But don’t help them either. If they want to see your kids they’ll make an effort. If not don’t worry about them. Your kids have you
My husband and I had the same problem. I worked nights and he worked days. Once they, the kids, are in school it will get easier. His family is in Ohio and mine, well, they just didn’t help allot, If any at all. The kids went to school, and i went to work during the day and was able to go to school myself at night. All our kids have now graduated high school and we have 2 in college and 1 married with babies of her own. Life is hard but so worth the journey. We are both very proud of what we accomplished on our own. Lots of love sweety. You got this.
They’ve raised their kids time for you to raise your own.
You’ve helped out your dad and now hanging it over him?
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I didn’t cut them off, I just don’t do shit for them now
Have you asked them why?
Cut them off, don’t even out for their internet or anything. If they can’t help you then you shouldn’t help them. It sounds bad to say but it sounds like they are just using your money and using your kids to make them sound like great people when they aren’t pulling their weight. You are not wrong for wanting to.
Don’t cut ties just put them on the bottom of the list an worry about the one’s close to you and when they need something just come up with reasons why you can’t help ( unless it’s a emergency ) an watch how they react when the shoes on the other foot.
Goodluck i hope thing’s turn around for you an your family be safe.
Are you taking into consideration any disabilities they may have? Do you know of all their disabilities? Some people are a bit proud to let you know just how disabled they are and this could be the reason for them to say yes they will help and then later back out. I myself have done that. My daughter understand that with my disabilities I’m not always able to. She always has a backup plan. I would suggest that you sit down with them and get to the matter. Communication is key.