Would a judge grant visitation to an absent father?

My daughter is eight years old, and her biological father stopped seeing her around 13 months of age… I met my now-husband when my daughter was four months old. So she thinks my husband is her real dad. My husband has taken over the dad role, and his family treats her as a family as well… well, the past two years, I’ve been trying to change my daughter’s last name to mine, and it’s been a struggle because I couldn’t find dad’s address. Well, I recently found him, and he is in agreement to sign papers, but only if I drop child support. At first, I said no to dropping support… so a few days ago he said since he’s paying child support, he wants to start visitation again… in which I am not going to allow since he has been absent for seven years. He’s missed birthdays, Christmas, Easter, and when she was in the hospital for a month with strep in her brain… So my question…do you think a judge would give him visitation if he’s been out of her life for seven years??


Hate to say it but legally yes. Best way to get rid of him is forgo the support.


Yes, the father is entitled even after not seeing her for 7 years. If you don’t want that… Have him sign over his rights and have your husband adopt her. Child support will no longer apply.


If he’s paying support, in the eyes of the court, he’s entitled to visitation regardless of how long it’s been.

If I were you, I’d take the bargain about letting go of the supprt from him. That way, neither of you are legally obligated.


Yes but it will be a slow process…maybe one day a week till she can build some type of relationship with him…then every other weekends

Most states consider an absence of 18 months or more abandonment. You have grounds to fight and terminate parental rights.


Unfortunately yes the courts always try to reconnect the bio father or mother whenever possible. My advice is to wait it out. I’m sure he doesn’t want to see her all of the sudden. He’s trying to scare you into dropping child support.

Drop the support, have biological sign the papers and have your husband adopt her.


In Michigan, after two years of being absent, the judge can write him off… But if he has been paying support, the judge won’t.


If step dad stepped up then you don’t need biodad for anything. He’s missing out. Maybe negotiate. Ask for half only and maybe set it up so that it goes into a small trust for her when she turns 18. This way he feels better knowing your not getting the money and it’s something for his bio child.

I’d also only comunicate via text and save everything he sends. If he was willing to sign over his rights before but now just cause he still has to pay he wants to see her. Bring that up in court. Let them know he abandoned her. She doesn’t know who he is. It would be traumatizing for her.

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Is it really worth the child support?


Yes. He most likely will get whatever visitation he wants. Why not just stop support? If your husband is her dad now then you don’t need it.


So you want his money, want her to be adopted by your husband but don’t want him to see his child? You can’t have it both ways. If you’re husband has really been her dad all these yrs, then do you really need his money?

Tell him to go to court. Most men won’t. And he’s not automatically allowed to see him again. I have a friend that hasn’t seen his kids in 2-3yrs. He’s been fighting for visitation all year & the courts aren’t allowing it. They’re making him jump through hoops & all he’s asking for is supervised visits because he’s technically homeless & has nowhere to take them. No criminal record & not a danger risk at all.

Absolutely he will get visiting rights he is after all paying for her support,even if he was absent all that time if he paid support he is entitled for visitation with his child. You do not have the right to terminate his parental rights if he has and continues to pay child support.


Yes. Been there. All the judge will see is the biological father.


If the father requested of the court to have time with child court will grant.

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Drop child support ,your husband should adopt her


If he is paying child support I think he has a right to see the child every case is different I have full custody of my 2 girls I terminated his rights for my girls best interest which I had proof why I did it after 3 years of him being absent he comes into there life and wants to see them I told him on my conditions he agreed and signed the agreement on paper he gives my girls money every time I take them to see him

It can go many different ways! You could even be the one charged with alienating the child from him. Also custody could be changed completely from you to him!
Really depends on several things! •What state are you in?
•We’re you ever married to him?
•If not did he ever legally petition the court to legitimize the child?
•Does your child know she has a biological dad at all? Have they met after the break up?

It all depends on your lawyer! If you get a good one that know what they are doing you can get child support and have abandonment where he can no longer see the child ESPECIALLY if it’s been over 12 mos (some states longer).


Yes judges don’t look at what’s right for the child. I’m a victim of their philosophy. So are many others. They don’t listen to the children who are old enough to speak. I wonder if this is why some kids ignore the law out of no respect

Sadly yes. I’m going through this with my granddaughter. The biological dad was in jail & pled guilty to manufacturing & distributing drugs & he was able to get visitation within a month of getting out of jail. Get a good lawyer if you want to fight it. Or… Have him sign away his parental rights (so she could be legally adopted too) & let him off for child support.

Unless you can proove he is a bad guy the judge will allow visitation.

Yes he will get visitation as long as there was no proven concern for her safety. If he is paying he will be granted his rights. You could try getting him to relinquish his parental rights. You would no longer get support and your husband would be able to legally adopt her.


Honestly if he plays his role well enough and pretends like he wants to suddenly have a change of heart a judge is going to give him that benefit of a doubt so if I were you I would just drop child support and get him to sign the stuff and don’t take it to court

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This is a complicated situation. Her bio dad is mistaken to think he can get CS dropped. Even if your husband adopted your child, the bio dad would still have to pay CS. Terminating rights does not automatically terminate financial responsibility.
But- if you push for the name change, and he pushes for visitation- (he’d have to file) if he files- it will be a long process and he might be awarded visitation. He’s trying to scare you. He won’t get what he wants. And you won’t get what you want. He’ll likely get visitation and then never see the kid. And you might get the name change, but then the situation will likely negatively impact your child when you guys go through him not showing up for visitation.

Yes the Judge will. I raised my 3 daughters without a penny of child support for that very reason.

Sad part is…he still has half custody if there is no order in place otherwise…so you have to at least make an attempt…but a wise woman gave me some advice on this as I’m in a very similar situation…you and your husband should offer to build some type of relationship with the father and anyone that the father is married to or seeing, and if hes willing to do that, you aren’t throwing your child in for disappointment when he no longer agrees to this…but if hes willing to jump through those hoops so that you can see if hes changed or what type of person the significant other is or whatever, then he might just be willing to come back into her life, but I will say…this failed for me and my fiance and I only met with my sons dad once before he got scared off and stayed making excuses, and that happens…ALOT, but then you can still feel good knowing you didnt just throw your child into something to let them down.

Sadly, yes they will!

Yes, but you can ask for supervised visits since he is technically a stranger to her… Make it hard for him, fuck him. My son has an absent dad and since child support is finally after him he is trying to play victim saying that l keep him from his son which is fucking bs. He tried to take me to some bs child visitation mediation, mind you, he failed to show up for court last month & has failed on his own to ever even see his child to begin with or follow the child arrangement orders. Some dudes just arent worth a fuck.

He will get something. Drop child support and have him sign his rights away

Child support & visitation are 2 total different things


If your husband treats her as his own and loves her as his own, maybe he should adopt her and she can be his own.
A judge will allow visitation to her bio father. If he’s good enough to pay support, then he’s good enough to spend time with his child.


Does the money mean that much to you? Drop it and move on with your lives.

When my son was 2, his long absent father suddenly showed back up and filed for shared custody. The judge told him “Matt is 24 months old. He is too young to be left alone with strangers. You are a stranger to him. Your interest is not in his best interest.” He got supervised visitation but never showed up for it.

You don’t want her in his life but you have no problem accepting his money???

If he’s willing to sign his parental rights away and your husband is willing to adopt her, it is worth losing child support over.


Yes a judge would give him some visitation even if he wasn’t paying his child support. Biology carries a great deal of weight in family court. I say tell him fine, no more support however, he has to give up his parental rights. Get him out of you and your daughter’s life for good. I’m sure the man who raised her wants her truly and legally to be his daughter. This sperm donor is trying to get under your skin and to manipulate this situation to his advantage.


In the eyes of the court, whether or not he pays child support, the father still has rights as annoying and BS as it is. If you want him gone and rights signed over, drop child support and never deal with him again. We all know he doesn’t want to start “visitation” again. He just likes the control he has. Is child support worth it? Good luck.


In Texas, bio dad has to sign over his rights before anyone other man can adopt the child. I dont know if it’s like that in any other state, I’m sure it is. But even so, you’d have to get him to sign over his rights, and that means letting go of that child support, just to change her last name. if hes been paying support, why wouldn’t you let him see his child? You quick to take the money but don’t want him in the picture? smh. :woman_facepalming:t2::woman_facepalming:t2:

Why not just drop the support… of you have a husband who I assume is providing income, and that was the only thing standing in the way of him signing the papers, then why not just drop the supporr


In Qld you apply to change the child’s name in a magistrate court. In Victoria you go to the county court. It is an easy process especially in your situation. If you didn’t know his address then you do an affidavit to state that you don’t know his address but give them what you do know.
Tell them you’ve made contact and that his response was to drop child support and he’ll sign papers. This shows he is happy for the child’s name to be changed

FB isn’t a great place for legal advice. Consult a lawyer, research your state’s laws and go from there.


Can’t have your cake and eat it to. If your husband wants to adopt, let him. Let him be financially responsible for his New daughter. Release the absent dad from financial responsibility, and future visits. But beware. Sometime down the road your daughter and Bio dad May reconnect.


Would your husband be willing to adopt her??

it does not matter what he wants or what you want, this is about your daughter. a judge will not grant no visitation rights.

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Get a lawyer… you can get 15-30 min free if you ask.

Yes, a judge will allow him visitation rights. The court will see it that he’s now ready to be a father regardless how long it’s been since he’s seen her.


Let him take you to court it’s a long hard slog and document any contact emails from him good luck don’t stop child support

Yes , it has happened. The courts will be the judge of weather he gets visitation maybe supervised at first if warranted. He can have visitation personally I would go for full and sole custody of the only reason he’s doing this is because you won’t drop child support it sounds very childish and if I were you document everything all the times you and him communicate what you is said and be truly honest , and explain things to your attorney I understand how you feel and you hurt for her but you can’t decide if he sees her or not only courts can. And what if she wants to see him? Please put her feelings above yours and his. I’m not saying you are doing wrong I never talked negatively about my daughters father around them ever as they grew older because he was in and out of jail 3/4 of their lives they decided if they wanted to see him or not but I left it up to them and I was married and met my husband when my youngest was 15months old and she called him daddy. She didn’t know her biological father so it took her a very long tome to want to be around him with her sisters, best of luck to you

A judge will give him visitation.

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Why would you have him sign away his rights but force cs hed no longer be herdad.

drop child support. if your husband adopts her then that terminates his parental rights anyways. they can’t keep child support after that.

If he paid, probably yes. However, I am sure she should have a say. Way young to make a tuff decision but her voice should be heard. If she says no, i hope the judge honors her rights. You should stop child support, have him give up rights, your husband adopt her. Thats what we did… happy ending!


Your daughter will resent you later if you kept her father away if he was trying to connect with her. That’s her father regardless of who raised her. Your husband will always be her daddy, but she deserves to know who her father is if he’s working on it.


I think there’s more to this story. She started seeing her now husband when the child was 4 months old. Bio dad stopped seeing the child at 13 months. Hmmm…And its even more suspect cuz she wants bio to give up rights but still pay support, although she remarried and moved on…AND is saying she “won’t ALLOW him to see THEIR child”…??? I think the manipulation and control issues is moreso on MOM than on bio dad. But everyone is always so quick to crucify the dad because there are so many scorned women out there :roll_eyes::frowning:


I think after 7 years in some states an absent father who hasn’t tried to get visitation through court loses that right.


I can understand why he would want to be eliminated completely from the equation if she technically has a new father

I’ve been through this and yes (I guess depending where you live) he’ll be allowed to see her and get visitations. The only thing that might happen… As it happened with me he showed up for a few cancelled most and is gone again.


I’m wondering why after all this time your current husband hasn’t adopted your daughter? That would end all this before it started. If you have managed without the child support then tell him to just sign off and both sides can move on. I’d ask the daughter if current husband can adopt her and ask her how she’d like her name to be if she agrees. You have waited so long that it would be a kindness to involve her now. Had you done this back when she was still a baby/toddler you could have decided all of it without her input. She’s been used to the name she’s using and maybe she wants to hyphenate it or drop the name she’s using now. work it out with her. With or Without support, he has rights and sounds like he’s wanting to cause trouble. Should he go after custody…know that he can sue you for support or the state can to re-coup any state payments he collects as in…welfare, food stamps, medicaid and so on. HOPING this would go away was your first mistake, WORK at a compromise for all with the minimal fall out! Good Luck.


That can really screw up a kids head .

Yes. You should have stopped the child support.

Yes yes yes, a judge sure will

I chose my childs freedom over child support. Never regretted it

Yes. A parent will be granted some form of visitation if requested .

I was told by CA child support services, regardless if you or the father wants to drop child support, it’s not support for you or him, it’s for the child and you can’t make that decision to take that away from the child. A judge won’t grant to terminate te child support because it’s not yours to begin with, it’s the child’s!
You can probably file abandonment and show that the only reason he now is trying to get custody is because YOU searched for him, not the other way around. He’s going to look pretty stupid in front of the judge explaining why now? Once your ex signs over his rights, if he does, then your husband can adopt your child and THEN the support can be terminated on your ex. Good luck!


Yes he will it sucks but he is her biological father

If you’re going after support then probably … depends on how good your and his attorneys are. My just want to drop support since itll drag your daughter thru alot of heartache

Yes the judge will grant him visitation-even if he wasn’t paying child support. Non payment will not keep a judge from granting visitation. In the state of Florida the only way you loose visitation is if you’re a convicted felon and even then you don’t/you get supervised visitation.

Unfortunately, probably yes, a judge would allow it. So if I were you, I would tell him you will drop child support if he will terminate his rights so your husband can be her dad.

Why on earth would you want it both ways?!
Dont be so greedy if he signs drop the support and do what’s best for your child. Your foolishness has brought this on your child and yourself. Grow up so your child can be a child.


Mine stepped out 8 years and didnt pay child support. Judge still gave visitation. He currently owes 54k in back child support. Support and visitation are not used interchangeably. Other parent wants to see the child then the judge will most likely order it .

Yes, they will give him visitation. Its his child. Though likelihood he follows through is slim. Cant have your cake (child support) and eat it too (expect bio dad to give up rights). Thats not how it works.

Depends on your county and the judge but they were going to give him visitation and poof he disappeared again she is 20 now

A judge will almost never terminate parents right regardless of how long he/she has been absent. They may recommend counseling to evaluate child & absent parent as well as transition into the new family dynamic. Using counseling then progressing to supervised visitations, etc. Your opportunity to file for full custody & change last name was within those 7 absent years. Unless he is currently an unfit parent, drug abuse, physical/emotional abuse, endanger the childs well-being, he /she is ALWAYS given the opportunity to be involved. This is not my personal opinion. These are facts. The situation may be slightly different depending on the state of residence but not by much. Always keep your daughters best interest at heart. It may be terribly hard for you but unless it is going to benefit her dnt allow yourself to hold on to what he did. Try to keep ur feelings in check. I am not judging u. I know all other factors involved (step-dad) but the truth is it’s all about her. You will hurt. But it’s your hurt not hers. You will feel better in the end.

I understand mom doesnt want bio to have visitation, but at some point doesnt the truth need to come out? The daughter should know the truth. Otherwise later in life she may resent mom for not allowing her to have a relationship with her bio dad.


Hi I can tell you from first hand experience… with almost the SAME situation… YES! they most definitely will… unless u can prove him to be an unfit father, like drug use, violent actions towards the child… then most definitely yes they will… especially if he has been paying child support. Even if he don’t pay child support they will start off with monitoring visitation for sure since ur daughter doesn’t knw him as her dad… and could be done by someone YOU know and trust… like grandparents or family member that ur daughter is comfortable with… or the court will appoint a child visitation monitoring service with u will have to pay for ( not fair yes I knw… and it’s not cheap) my daughter and granddaughter have been in ur same exact situation…

I’m sure. I wouldn’t take any chances. Rather not have his $

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Even if they give up their rights under the eyes of the law they are still liable to support the child,taking a parents rights just means they have no say in how the child is raised, i.e.schooling religion

Tell him you will drop the child support if he signs away his rights


You should have agreed to drop the child support and let your husband adopt her after her father signed the papers then he would have had no claim to your daughter. Biological or not if he had signed the papers he would have been giving up his parental rights. It would work like any normal adoption.

Of he signs over his rights. Child supoort will stop

My ex did the same thing!

Did he pay child support all those yrs he was gone ?

I think you drop the child support and have him sign away his rights since he was in agreement to do so…until you refused to drop child support. I also feel you need to make sure you tell your daughter the truth later on. She has a right to know how much her stepdad CHOSE to be in her life because he loves her so much…but she will eventually find out the truth about her biological dad.

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Ok look. U expect him to stay a ghost and to give up his kid mostly. Take his name away etc… and u expect support? If ur man loves ur kid he should adopt her, if not he don’t deserve to have his name on her. You’re trippin


I think it’s messed up to take child support from a man you don’t want your child to see or be in contact with.
I think your child has a right to know her biological Father.
she’s very young if you keep the truth from her it’ll backfire one day.
my son is eight too and he recently started seeing his dad again after four years.
it hurts him that he doesn’t have a dad that’s around but now he knows where he comes from. they’re basically twins have the same personality, he never paid child support but I don’t care. my son can still see or talk to him when he wants to bc it’s only money (he doesn’t tho bc he feels that his dad doesn’t care much)

He will get his visitation.


If he is paying for the child then he is entitled! Any judge would tell you that. But if the husband has played the father role then drop the child support and let him keep his role as father! I don’t mean to sound insensitive but how can you deny him the right to see a child he is paying for? Never really understood that?


In NSW you need fathers permission to change surname, plus to apply for a passport. Some fathers pay chold support & the mother just doesnt want father involved in childs life. It is up to the family court, not the mother to decide.

You buddys are all … I dont know what i should call IT… nobody knows the Story why the bio father was absent. There might be untold reasons. He has the right to See his bio dad. Who gives the right to decide above her head. And also being greedy for the money looks somehow to me. … is the New husbands effort in her life Not enough…

You sound rather selfish! You want his child support dollars but don’t want him in his child’s life. I hope he gets to see his daughter. Sounds like ur baby daddy is trying to stay away from problems.


Too many unanswered questions to give a legitimate answer. Has the bio father always laid child support and if not has he kept her covered on his health insurance etc. or did he abandon the child?

If he paid support, he will get visitation. She doesnt have to hate him because u do.


one day she will find out the truth and that will be the real test…

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Sure will a judge will not allow a child to be fatherless. If that was the road you were going take should have let your now husband adopt the child and cut the biological father off. Once the child had been adopted by now husband all child support would have stopped. That was your mistake collecting child support gives him rights to fight you. The judge will give bio visitation.

He will get visitation, because he is entitled to it. That is his child as well. Just because he’s been absent in the past, doesn’t mean he doesn’t have the right to be in her life now. Also it’s about her relationship with her father, not yours.

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Probably will give some kind of visitation. Question is why still take support if husband is providing for daughter and you don’t want biodad to have contact?