What can I do about my daughter refusing to see her dad?

I wish I had advice for you I wish I was in the same situation but mine is opposite my kids dad just popped back up after almost 10 years :rage: and now wants to see them

She’s old enough to be able to write a letter for the court

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Judge cannot force her. Just make sure it is known it’s her choice

She’s old enough that the courts will take her wishes into account but unfortunately, it might require a court date if dad pushes it. Hugs!

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Notify the case worker. However in some states once the child reaches the age of 12/13 they have the right to deny visitations from the other parent. If you’re in one of those states then the best thing you can do is make her feel comfortable about her decision not to see her father and make sure she knows you support her.

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I’m kind of going through the same thing with my 9 year old. She no longer wants to go to her dad’s house. I just don’t push her but I let it be know to her that if she doesn’t want to go she needs to be the one to tell him that. I get her reasons for not wanting to go. It ranges from the fact that he stays drunk, he has not been consistent in her life and when she would go over there he would sleep and she would be left to fend for herself. There have been many times she would go over on Saturday at 6 and by 10 that night she is calling and texting me asking me to come get her because she didn’t want to be there anymore.

Don’t force her. I never forced my kids. My son would go but my daughter wouldn’t cause how her dad and his girlfriends would treat her. He got so mad but I told him if he had a problem with it, than take me to court cause I understand her reasons and don’t blame her for not wanting to go with him. Toxic is toxic, even if it’s a parent. He never took me to court. She chose if, when, and how long she went. Now my son (23) is at the point of cutting his dad out of his life cause of how his dad treats him.

Take it to the judge and get to the bottom of it

In my experience, at that age, she has to be the one who tells her dad she doesn’t want to go. You can’t.

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Be careful of the ones telling you it’s the kids choice and it’s the states choice, no its the judges discretion. We had a judge who said the kids could not be forced but now we have a new judge that has expressed to my 15 and 16 year Olds that if they do not abide I will be placed in jail until they comply. Mind you this man brutally beat both of these boys.


Compromise? Maybe see if she’d settle for a dinner in a public setting where you drop her off and pick her up? Just so he’s not throwing a fit. If that’s not an option then I would stand by her and deal with the courts if the father pressures it. Like stated usually at that age the child can speak for themselves. Do what’s best for her. Good luck!

So I.ds like the 3 of you need to have a chat together. And you need to be open and honest with her dad.

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Be proactive and petition the court to amend the order.


If you’re able to help fix the relationship, that’s your best bet.

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Take her to counseling, after a few weeks go back to court with her records to prove that she doesn’t feel safe. You can say whatever you want but at the end of the day they only listen to professionals

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I feel like I just read the last 6 months of my life’s story, my daughter also refuses to go she was 15 at the time and now 16. I talked with her dad, things didn’t change. so she talked with him and he agreed if that’s what she wanted. She has seen him twice, on her terms since this conversation. Luckily he didn’t force her to still come and understood that his home was toxic and not the best place for her to be. It’s a hard decision but I am grateful he truly understood. She is seeing a therapist for all the trauma endured from the weekends there. Step mom was a huge part of the reason she didn’t want to go anymore and she’s been able to get a lot off her chest with her therapist. Best wishes!!!

have her talk to the judge she is getting old enough to make decisions

I believe she is at the age where it’s her decision to go or not … the dad needs to understand that and also understand if the stepmother is making it so his daughter doesn’t want to come over he needs to talk to her too … I loved my stepmother for years but my brother and I went down the wrong path and her son did too my brother and I didn’t get jn trouble but her son went to prison and she was mad he was in trouble and we weren’t she started being really weird and not herself… when my dad and her fought I would go with her because she made me feel safe and loved until it all changed … my dad and her broke up and then my dad and my relationship got better we did dinner every week snd saw him on weekends… I’m 31 now my kids don’t know my dad , I haven’t talked to him in almost 2 years and thats all because of his new gf who’s who’s same age as me … if a guy doesn’t do enough to make his child feel loved okay and wanted then I think the child is making the right choice not going

After 14yrs in GA it’s her choice.

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You can’t force her, period. She’s old enough to be able to say she doesn’t want to see him. If he takes you back to court, you can have her tell the judge why she doesn’t want to see him. I’m not sure if that’s how that works, but I believe it should be

Do what’s in the best interest of your child, she is old enough to decide if she wants to go or not and she’s old enough to speak in court if it comes down to it .

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I don’t know what state you’re in but in the state I’m in a child of 12 years old can speak for themselves in court so you may want to go back to court and let her speak with the judge to tell him that she’s not comfortable being at her father’s house. And then that way at least it’s still with legally and no one gets in trouble

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So much inaccurate advice here. If a court order is in place for parenting time, you as the parent are required to follow it or be in contempt. That means yes, the courts will tell you to force your child to go. Your child can’t just speak to the judge. If she doesn’t want to go, you can try to work out a new arrangement with dad yourself and file it with court, or you need to file a motion to modify and have an evaluation done by the court for them to decide what’s best for her. Unless there’s significant issues, the courts require children to see their other parent until 18.


If he makes her uncomfortable no. And i would ask her why. She feels uncomfortable.

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Get her a child advocate and head to court. She’s old enough to have a voice in most courts but an advocate will go a long way in ensuring she’s heard by the judge. The situation sounds like she feels emotionally and verbally abused by her dad and step mom. At the least an advocate can get the visitation order changed to include family therapy at dads expense to help him do better by your daughter. Maybe even put him and his gf\wife through parenting classes. At most your daughter gets to stop going to see him altogether and you get full custody.

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Nothing you can do other than side with her if she’s not going she’s not going

She can make her own decisions. She’s 15. Court will take that into account if dad even cares enough to bring you back there :woman_shrugging:t2: I did the same thing, stopped going to my dads when I was 13 because it was an abusive, toxic household and I absolutely hated my then step mother. My mom never got in trouble.

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At that age they r wanting friends and what not they don’t like going to other parents house! And she is at that age where she can deceide what she wants to do

she is 15 she has the right if i am not mistaken to choose rather she wants to go or not u cant force her to do so and if she is uncomfortable going than she dont go

She’s old enough to choose who she wants to be with and when. You probably need to have this done legally, in court. But this isn’t your fault and you can’t take the burden on yourself. Your daughter even tried to remedy the situation but apparently dad doesn’t respect her enough to listen. It’s his loss!

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She is old enough to make her own decision.

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Please listen to her! If a child says an adult makes them uncomfortable, then listen!!! That’s a huge red flag. Sounds like there’s a bigger issue that’s shes not telling you. Don’t make her go, and if the dad wants to take it further then I would take it to court.


She’s old enough to make it her choice and to say her peace about why in front of a judge.

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I wouldnt make my daughter go back too many red flags. Schedule court hearing and let your daughter tell courts so she will not have to go back shes old enough to make that decision.


Do not force her to go. If the father feels the need to drag it to court a judge won’t force her to visit him anymore either she’s 15. She can make her own choices when it comes to visitations.


As someone who did the same to her own father at the age of 5, I commend my mom for listening to me and keeping me home. Screw the judges orders. I had my reasons to not visit him and now here I am at 35 years old having never seen my father since then. He was an abuser to both me and my mom. If your daugher doesn’t want to go over there then don’t make her. I do believe there is something where afetr the age of 12 she can decide for herself where to spend her time. Get ahold of a lawyer and see what can be done. Something is going on over at her dads that she doesn’t like. Please don’t send her over there if she doesn’t want to go. Could cause her to resent you for forcing her and cause emotional trauma. Listen to her!

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If she’s refusing, no, you can’t make her. But he can actually get a lawyer and claim you’re in breach of court orders by not sending her. Ask a lawyer and they’ll have a child lawyer talk with your daughter and decide from there.
At least that’s what happens in ontario, Canada.

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Also sounds like serious things going on she doesnt want to tell you, at this point probably in her best interest that you dont allow her to go back.

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He can file for contempt and then she can speak for herself in court (in most states). 15 is plenty old enough for her to speak for herself. And the judge will make a decision and she’ll have to understand that she has to follow the decision made by the judge

She’s 15, more than old enough to make that choice. If he wants to see her he can change his behavior. You have no need to force her to go. You can make it legal in court, but as it stands there is no getting in trouble for it for you. They just ask her essentially, and she’ll say no I didn’t want to go.

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Make a list of the reasons and present it to the custody judge so it’ll go on record or ask the judge for child requested supervised visits.

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Go back to court so you are not held in contempt and possibly lose custody

I’m going through something like this with my almost 14yr old son he doesn’t want to go to his dad’s ever and there is no court order but even if there was I can’t force him.

@15 she has rights . shes old enough to decide on visitation issues with the other parent. You are not in violation of anything listen to your child in this case and trust your gut


Protect your daughter –– always. She’s old enough to decide. Document any emotional or verbal abuse she’s experienced with them. Have her talk to a therapist and ask him/her for documentation as well. Since she’s older, is he going to even go through the trouble of court? And if he does, sounds like you’ll have plenty of reasons of why and how she feels, let alone directly from her.

It’s possible that she just doesn’t want to because she is a girl. As long as you offer and advice her to go you are not interfering. My stepdaughter is always advised and refuses for no reason other than it’s dad’s house not moms

Don’t make her go back. You shouldn’t get into trouble with courts. She can make her own voice heard as to why. Please listen to her.

I think you should document all of those things and if he does take you to court then you have proof. Also, is she old enough to decide for herself based on the state you live in? If she’s uncomfortable being there, then I wouldn’t want her to go either. Whatever keeps the child safe and whatever is in the child’s best interest is what you should do. Protect your daughter at all costs!

At 15 she is old enough to speak for herself. Unfortunately you may have to go back in front of a judge to let her make the decision.

She’s 15 and I saw she’s old enough to decide have her write out some reasons for the judge. And ask the judge to let her be the one to make the choice is dads not healthy to be around I think that should be addressed

Nothing. She can make that decision on her own now. She is becoming an adult, and should be treated as such.
She wouldn’t do it without a reason.
The fact that she hasn’t been there in months but you didn’t say anything about the father complaining is rather telling about how little he cares.


At 15 she’s allowed to make her own decision in the eyes of the law. Even if he shows up to your house with an officer. As long as that officer hears your child say she doesn’t want to go than its a done deal. I made the same decision at 13. Court orders are for the adults that can’t come to an agreement. The only person who can change that without going to court is your child.

In some places I thought a child has the right/decision to decide who she wants to live with. Sucks but the other parent should let that happen as there must be a reason and will just cause issues if forced to go. Is there a specific reason?

I know in VA at the age of 15 they can rightfully make their own decisions as to if they want to go or not!! If he does take you back to court get a GAL and they will ensure your 15 speaks to the judge!!

Bring him back to court and have her speak to the judge. Let her tell the judge everything she’s told you. She’s his kid, but that doesn’t give him the right to mistreat and possibly abuse her. Thank you for listening to her; now make sure something is done. You shouldn’t have to be worried about contempt of court when you’re doing what’s right for your daughter.


Father / daughter therapy. Document everything your daughter has said about her time at her dad’s house. Ideally, she would tell her dad why she doesn’t want to visit. Be sure not to say anything negative about her dad or his wife. You also might want to call your lawyer. Laws differ from state to state and you want to cover your butt.

You and her should make an appointment with your lawyer to discuss this and avoid this becoming a legal issue for you

Go back to court also she is old enough to express to the judge her reasoning and if it not something she is just being petty about then the judge will take it into consideration

Dont do anything.if he chooses to take you back to court let your daughter talk.shes old enouph to decide and courts will listen.this is one of those things that is between them.any action on your part makes you the bad guy in one of there eyes.not worth it.


I would encourage court and she can talk for herself!

She chooses for herself at a certain age. Can bring that up in court

Going through the same here. Mine refuses to go and I will not force her. Her safety and mental health comes first. Mines father treats her like garbage. Even worse than he treated me so the moment she gave me valid reasons not to go I let her decide. He still harasses her by phone but it’s been alot better than him yelling and belittling when she can’t leave. I decided that if he has a problem with her decision then he can take me to court for it. I won’t take action first.

Go back to court and let her talk

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Go to court. Let her speak her side. Then it is legally binding.


No you won’t she is old enough to make up her own mind. But I would get her counselor to find out why

Not make her go :woman_shrugging:t2:

I would leave it alone honestly and not send her, if he takes you to court let him and bring your daughter, and the judge will take her into chambers and let her talk, if they feel she still needs to go but feel there is an issue they will have supervised visits, or if they feel it’s too much they could stop visits all together but @ 15 they will let her have a somewhat of say, and will want to know why she don’t want to go, and if she has valid reasons they won’t make her go


What you can do and what you should do is support her
at 15 she is old enough to voice her opinion to the judge or the referee so I wouldn’t worry support your daughter


Listen to your Daughter
Be here advocate
No one should tell her she has to see anyone who’s making her uncomfortable

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Nothing for you to do she is 15 and does not have to go and no court or judge will make her. Nothing for ex to either

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She’s old enough in a lot of states to make that decision. Take it to court yourself, don’t wait for him to do it. The court will likely be okay or decrease the time or something.


She’s old enough to speak in court. File a petition before you get into trouble for not sending her for ordered visitation, if her father might go that route. It will be better to get in court and have it handled legally.v

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Don’t do anything. Going to court you’re just going to open a can of worms. If he takes you back to court then that’s one thing I would get her a therapist that but as long as he doesn’t do anything Let It Go on every day she gets older and closer to the date she doesn’t have to do anything

Don’t pressure her. She might end up resenting you for trying to make her go

I think once a child turns 14 it’s their decision whether they want to go or not. That was the case with me when we lived in Georgia. This was almost 10 years ago though

Most states don’t enforce visitation after a certain age. My state is 12. I’d talk to a lawyer but there really isn’t much he can do. If she tells a judge why, they probably won’t force her. If he tried to go to court, demand a guardian ad litem.

She is pld enough to make that decision now, run with it.

If she dont want to she dont have to

She’s old enough to make her own choices. Go to court. They will listen to her.

She might be old enough to make that decision; might be worth looking into. Each state is different on when a child can decide to live with one parent etc. Also, I’d document everything to bad yourself up in case it comes up in court.

Have. Her talk to a counselor to talk about the issues. One she needs a safe unbiased place. the courts will see you tried. If possible sometimes you can go and or dad

Petition the court for full custody and have your daughter tell them she doesn’t want to go. She should be old enough to make her own decisions.

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Kids can decide at age 14 in CA. I know because my nephew stop going to his mom house and a few people confirmed about it.

Let him take you to court, respect and honor her wishes. She is trying to set a healthy boundary for herself. If there is stuff making her uncomfortable then forcing her isn’t going to improve things.


she has her reason and is old enough to make that choice, let her be, and accept her decision not to see him. The courts let me decide when I was 12


Contact a lawyer and have him talk over her concerns and reasons and let them handle it and give you the clear.

Ask your daughter if she wants you to go to court.

Talk to your lawyer, and go to court so she tell them why she doesn’t want to visit him.

I would check with your state laws but I believe legally she is at that age where she gets to choose if she wants to spend time with her dad or not so you would not get in trouble if she decides she does not want to go.

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Protect your daughter no matter what. There’s a good reason why she doesn’t want to go. If he wants to take you to court for contempt let him. The judge will likely talk to your daughter and ask her why. Her father will have to answer to that. My kids father signed his rights away because he did not want my kids to speak in court about why they didn’t want to go with him. He would’ve went to jail and he knows it. I didn’t force the issue of jail time because I didn’t want my kids to have to testify and him signing away his rights meant that they were safe. In the end all that matters is that your daughter is safe

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In most states at 12 it up to the child and there nothing he can do

I was the same way, I went through the same thing growing up. I stopped going to my dads at the age of 10 or less I believe. I felt uncomfortable being in my dad’s house, even till today I barely visit my dad.

Go to court ASAP. They can hold u in contempt if he files your denying him.

she is old enough that she can voice her feelings to the judge

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Have a conversation with him and if he doesn’t agree to change the visitation agreement go back to court and let your daughter tell a judge why she doesn’t want to see him

Omce she hit 12 yrs old, she can say no, make the choice for herself. And there is nothing he can do about it except take it to court. And then the judge will give her the choice.