My mother in law in very controlling. Anytime she comes to my house (unannounced btw) she tries to take my place… she jumps into making dinner, tries to parent my kids and will parent over me… (give baths, tell my kids yes when I say no) I’m honestly over it and my husband doesn’t care. He says “enjoy” my break… but I really feel like she just does NOT respect me… how can I get her to understand this isn’t okay? I feel like I shouldn’t even have to explain this to a grown woman but here we are…
18 Likes
Talk to her, she’s probably trying to be helpful and give you a break, let her know how your feeling
17 Likes
Some of y’all’s responses on here are so dramatic.
Anyways.
In a way… a lot of this sounds like she’s trying to take the load off of you. She just is not doing it in the right way. You need to sit down and have a very serious friendly but firm conversation. People aren’t mind readers.
18 Likes
Some of y’all missing the part where MIL is undermining the mom. Saying yes to the kids when mom said no. That is not respectful, and it will make her job as a parent 10x harder when every time she tells the kids no they fight back saying “well grandma let’s us” or just ignoring mom all-together. That is not helpful! I would rather do all the cooking myself if the “help” comes at the cost of my kids thinking my word means nothing…
13 Likes
Have you thought maybe she doesn’t realize she is being over bearing? To you it may be obvious but to her it could be her way of helping. I say this because I have been overbearing thinking I was helping when in reality to everyone I was doing too much. In my opinion, just have a open chat.
17 Likes
Tell her she can not come back if she doesn’t stop that s*** that’s completely disrespectful and teaching your kids they don’t have to listen to you… that’s not a break when she undermines everything you do and say
11 Likes
If someone wanted to come to my house and cook dinner and take care of the kids then by all means 
you’re lucky
10 Likes
I’d stop letting her in. If she had a key, I’m changing the locks. And hubby can catch an attitude too because he clearly doesn’t care that his mother is being disrespectful to you.
I’d tell her straight up what her actions are doing, why you feel that way, and what’s going to change.
7 Likes
Some mothers have this idea that they over power you reguardless of being her sons wife and mother to his kids. And no offence, men with mothers like that will not stand up for you and if he does, you got lucky. But majority, She rules him. If I were you, I’d set her straight and tell her to piss off until she can respect you and your rules.
I get the comment “enjoy your break” but I’ll be damned if some lady is gonna walk in trying to raise my kids or take my place.
If she can be kind and respectful about it and legitimately helpful in your favor. I’d love the help too. But if she’s crossing lines then no. There is a fine line between being a helpful caring grandmother and one who thinks she’s better then you.
Some mother in laws are down right bullies, and I stand by that. That being said, I have experienced both so I know the difference and what it “should” be like.
I had a hard time with my ex mother in law and there was nothing that would change it. Nothing. My ex allowed it and that was that. After the divorce, her and I got along much better.
My mother in law now is amazing. She has boundaries and just seems to know how to treat me as a daughter in law. I adore her.
I think it is just how they are. You are going to have to have a major sit down discussion or be miserable
2 Likes
Your husband sounds like he’s no help. And as for the mother I’d be honest with her about it and if she doesn’t understand you need to tell her not to come over anymore and if the husband doesn’t like it I’m sure he’ll have no problem moving back in with mummy 
3 Likes
Ladies it is very easy to be irrational and lock the door, cut contact. That’s a short cut temporary fix. The challenge here is that you speak to her. Tell her how you feel and remember that she will always be connected to you through the children. Let her know that you have certain things you want to remain consistent and you need her support in those things. Let her know that you love having her around and that the kids look forward to it. Tell her that you need to feel that you are comfortable in your home and when someone comes into the home you don’t feel very secure and the sudden interruption of routine is hurting you and your kids. Structure is important for your kids as it was for your husband growing up. Tell her you admire how wonderful your husband is and that because of her discipline and love he turned out to be a gift to you. Tell her that you have the same goals as a mother and that her support in this is so very important. This makes a greater impact than you telling her that you don’t want her coming over and you will lock the door if she doesn’t respect you. Remember she is your husband’s mother and a gem. Sometimes we have to utilize what we know about someone to formulate a message that will be recieved in the way it is meant to be. It’s like talking to a child. Not all children respond to the same form of talk. Invite her to the park somewhere open where you both can talk. Begin by praising her as a grandmother to start off positive then slowly begin to move the conversation to the actual topic of concern. Once you get through this if she does it again you can call her and tell her you need to talk to her again. If this doesn’t work then of course try something else. Repetition is key and you are human so if you have done all you could in the most peaceful way possible then you have the right to make tougher choices. No one can say you were unkind or that they didn’t see this coming. It’s another reason I try to approach things in a more rational way even when I absolutely don’t want to!!! Treat this situation as you want someone to treat you because believe it or don’t we are not flawless people. We just haven’t been told about ourselves and our own behaviors yet.
1 Like
She’s being a good grandmother. I think you’re ungrateful and being a B for no good reason. Doubt you’d act like this if it was your mother doing it. There are kids out there who don’t have a grandmother and then there are kids who do and have a mother like you trying to deprive them of that experience cause they’re petty.
3 Likes
Take the opportunity to do something else. If she isn’t endangering your children, being the “fun grandma” isn’t always a bad thing. I would basically go out and let dad and grandma deal with the kiddos. Call a friend for coffee. Or just drive somewhere, sit in your car and enjoy the quiet. Listen to an audio book, join a 24 hour drop in gym and work out if that’s your thing. If MIL isn’t actually harmful, but just annoying, use it to your advantage
3 Likes
Set boundaries now. She always did this for her son until I moved in. Then she tried to continue to do it and I don’t have a relationship like that with my mom. So, I didn’t like it. I had to tell her “please don’t come unannounced. You don’t have to wait for an invite but give me a call or heads up before you leave your house.” “I have meal plans in place that work for us.” “My children are on a schedule and I understand you are trying to help, but it really throws a wrench in our plans when you jump in without direction.”
Once I set the boundaries, my MIL got pissed and wouldn’t speak to me for 3 months, but I continued to nurture our relationship and just sat her down and told her that I wasn’t used to having someone so prevalent in my life. To this day, her and I now can depend on each other and ask before we begin to step on each other’s toes
You need to address your husband. This is a serious lack of respect, and you should try to get him to see that. I’m sure you would never show up at her house unannounced and start telling her what to do. She needs boundaries and it is up to you and your husband to set those.
4 Likes
Invite her out to lunch and talk about what she’s doing and why it’s bothering you. Maybe let her have the kids for a weekend once a month at her place so she can do whatever she wants. Be glad she wants to help though.
5 Likes
Thats what Grandma do… your husband isn’t going to get annoyed its his mum and he loves her … try and take it a different way and enjoy having help with the children
4 Likes
Go to her house and do the same thing! Reorganize a closet or something, see how she like it 
.
5 Likes
Stop letting her in when it’s not been cleared. Call out when she’s been disrespectful or overstepping. But also you have a partner problem.
4 Likes
From a daughter who lost her mother -
Absorb the help!!! Who cares if for one night the routine doesn’t go as planned. Let her be in charge for the night. Doesn’t change what routine you would follow after she is gone.
Most of all - let her be a grandma !!!
You can set healthy boundaries, but again I never had this. Enjoy it
22 Likes
Send her here. I’d love for her to cook and clean!
3 Likes
I would say “I appreciate you coming to help but there is some things I like to do myself”
4 Likes
Just be up front. Best thing to do. If she still continues afterwards she has no respect for you and you need to “cut ties” w that heifer 
I don’t have a relationship w my husband’s mother for many reasons, but all those reasons were addressed and she gaslighted me like no other. So now I just don’t speak to her or go around much. I’m civil at family gatherings, but she gets nothing else from me otherwise.
Dictate tasks to her, “awesome you’re here, could you please reorganize this closet.” “This bathroom needs a scrub down” “here can you take the kids outside” she’s coming over to be involved and help and has 0 direction so she’s doing something so assign it.
My grandma is that way, my mom gets all butthurt about it but my aunt and I gladly task shit we don’t want to do out.
Does your husband have a brother I’d love a mother in law like that
Would you feel the same way if it was your mom? My mom does all those things when she comes to my house besides saying yea when I say no. She understands that’s something you don’t do. My mom does all this because she cares and just wants to help me her child. Maybe his mom is doing the same for you. Is she rude? Hateful?
Enjoy the break. Enjoy the love she gives to you and her grand babies. Appreciate her.
3 Likes
One day your mil will be gone. Enjoy the time. Talk to her about the things you would like her to change. But remember if he’s a good man, his mom comes with the package when you got married.
8 Likes
I would make your husband talk to her whether he likes it or not… time to set limits…
3 Likes
I think maybe you’re frustrated not so much with the help, but that she’s not asking, she’s just doing. It’s your home, you’re allowed to set boundaries.
4 Likes
Just tell her it’s nice when she comes to visit. But she needs to call first. She also needs to be grandma, she had her chance at being a mother, nows her chance to be a grandmother and let.you be the mother
2 Likes
I’d love for someone to come in and make dinner.
If this was YOUR mom would you react in this negative way? I would welcome this 
1 Like
The undermining you when it comes to the kid is not okay. She “might” be trying to take the load off but doing it the wrong way. If you haven’t told her it’s bothering you then she doesn’t know. Just ask her to have coffee with you and have a discussion on it.
1 Like
I understand the irritation of you feeling she’s overstepping but, if she didn’t help you’d be complaining about that instead.
1 Like
Maybe go take a break when she gets there. Run to the store and stay awhile.
It could be that she’s trying to help you out, but, she may be a poor communicator.
4 Likes
Talk to her nicely about it. Ask her to inform you when she is coming. Then tell her to not tell the kids yes or no when you say the opposite.
No mother in law comes to cook clean and bathe your kids and is doing it in a malicious way some mothers don’t know boundaries and perhaps you can tell her what you would actually like her to help with some of us don’t mother in laws who help just saying
Well, to be honest you should take advantage of that, you can relax and take a break when she visit , you can even go out to do something by yourself, maybe have dinner with a friend or your husband, go to the movies , gym etc.
Unless she steps into something really really important, just enjoy
I would love that if my mother in law took over like that I’d be like hell yes I’ll just sit down with a hot brew and relax let her take over for 1 day
Start calling her Marie. From that’s so Raymond show. If she ask you why you keep calling her that, say, well you act just like Marie. Maybe she’ll get the hint
2 Likes
She may think she is just helping you, most like a break and perhaps that is what she is thinking. Use that time to take a break.
Sit down and talk to her. Draw a boundary. She has to call first, she can make dinner if she wants, and when it comes to your kids what you say goes.
Clear cut boundaries need to be with the consequences that will ensue if those boundaries are broken
How she reacts when faced with reasonable boundaries will tell you all you need to know
Grab your purse and leave. Go get your nails done. Hit the mall. Call a girlfriend for lunch/ dinner.
1 Like
Boundaries girl. Set them now before it gets worse. 
1 Like
As far as cooking, cleaning, giving baths I would never complain about that is a break for me, but the telling them yes when u say no I would simply explain that they are your children and what you say goes.
Tell your husband that your dad is gonna come over and parent him. And he should just enjoy the break.
8 Likes
Your husband needs to speak up and tell her
She’s toxic. Please walk away. I’ve seen this in real time. Protect yourself and your kids. It took years to get my son in law to get past this and it’s awesome knowing he’s learned and really does love me beyond measure.
I’d jump in the car and go shopping or to get a pedicure when she comes 
Communication is key…someday you’re gonna be the mother in law…keep that in mind
2 Likes
Thank God, I had a wonderful mother in law , miss her so much 
Uh stop letting her walk all over you.
Everthink she’s trying to give you a much needed break? Enjoy the help while you can, someday you won’t have it.
Do it to her ! Go to her house n take over !
Oh heck no! I wouldn’t have it. Tell her straight up!
Lock your door you dont have to let her in thats YOUR HOME
Sit down and start loving the break
Boundaries , respectfully
The comment section… Holy hell no !
It’s your house, anyone who can’t and doesn’t respect you doesn’t need to be coming round. Period.
Don’t let her in 
I made a policy for myself a long time ago. If I don’t know you’re coming I don’t answer the door.
1 Like
Cut her from coming over until she can respect you & definitely don’t be afraid to communicate why you’re doing it.
4 Likes
Lock the door, don’t let her in until she knows her place
3 Likes
My mom occasionally does that with my kids without realizing it. I just check her and remind her with my kids what I say goes.
3 Likes
Go have some mommy time
I’d be out getting my nails done or seeing a movie 
Tell the mother in law to stay out of your business or she will not be allowed over your house. And tell your husband he needs to back you up. It is your house your children . And you run the household not her.
Send her to my house. I’ll put my feet up.
1 Like
Bye bye if she can’t chill and be respectful get rid of her.
I don’t tolerate that type of shit anymore. I have almost left my husband over his family with 0 fucks given I will not be treated this way anymore
When you say no and she says yes; repeat “I said ‘no’.” calmly.
When she tried to dictate what happens, say “No thank you. I will make dinner soon” or “No, the children aren’t having their bath yet”
If you don’t make it clear; how is she to know you don’t want her doing this stuff?
Also, kick your husbands ass!
Lock the door and disconnect the door bell
3 Likes
Lose your shit with her & make it awkward then your husband might listen
Making money through Forex/Binary Trade is a prominent opportunity to make a beneficial standard living, I realized that through my investment with Emily very skilled Forex broker/Trader, I wouldn’t have completed my project which I started since the beginning of the year. Traded $500 on Emily platform and was credited $6,900 after 7 days Trade. I’m the Happiest woman on earth right now because l completed my house project, Never before have I seen a Forex broker so dedicated, hard-working, and yet still tenacious at the same time. You’re an inspiration to all of us! May Almighty God bless you and your family. Contact her now:
Email:[email protected]
WhatsApp contact: +1(619)714-3317
Prayers for Mother inlaw! AMENE
Girl you have to find your big girl britches and let her know you are the mother and wife of that house and if she doesn’t like how you do it she is welcomed to get the hell out and stay out. Otherwise allowed behavior will continue to get worse.
This is why I’m glad I have no inlaws lol 
sorry
I would definitely put her in her place and remind her it’s your house. Your kids !
She might honestly be thinking she’s helping you and giving you a break.
Talk to her and create some guidelines and enjoy the time off. I wish I had family close to help/take over for me. I’d totally just say thank you and hop in bed and catch up on sleep.
Tell her that you got it and that you will ask for help if you need it. If your husband isn’t creating boundaries then you do it or she will run all over you forever
Send her to my house… I need a break:rofl:
You are the parent, what you say goes. Next time lay down the law and tell her. Enforce it. I feel like I’m in the same boat the only one who enforces me and stands behind me is my boyfriend.