What can I do about my 4 year olds behavior?

My son is 4 years old and his behavior is extremely bad. I just had to pick him up from school cause of his behavior. Back talking, refusal to do work, won’t listen, hits other kids… etc… I have no idea what to do anymore. We don’t spank… but at this point I feel like that is the only option we haven’t tried. He will steadily talk “crap”. Like if he gets sent to his room he will constantly yell “I’m not going to my room” while he is in his room. Ignoring it dosent help and acknowledging dosent help either. The school said if his behavior is like this next year that they will unenroll him. Any tips??? HELP

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The problem is, you don’t spank. you’re letting that little child run the show

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You don’t hit him but is he witnessing others hitting others & arguing?

You say ignoring him doesn’t help. As with any disipline you have to be committed & consistent. How long did you ignore him before giving up? How many times have you ignored bad before before you declared it doesn’t work? Ignoring bad behavior is a very hard 1 to stick with. In general it’s more difficult to discipline than to punish. When you ignore him wear headphones to block him out. Focus on something else. Stay with it for the long haul. Positive recognition is very important. So you send him to his room & he screams for an hour straight. You got to find the strength to get past the anger he’s caused you to acknowledge the 5 minutes he’s quiet. Next time 10 minutes received praise & so on. 1 thing that helped my son which I thought was cruel was to record his tantrum. When he was calm I showed him his behavior. When he starts up his meltdowns I cast it so he can see what he’s about to look like. That usually ends it before it begins. Expose him to his own behavior. At first he played it off, laughing at it. But the behavior ended despite him acting like it didn’t bother him.

I also agree with the other person who said to have him tested for ADHD. Impulsivity, becoming overwhelmed, angry easily & over reacting are symptoms. But don’t go to a phychriatrist saying you think he has ADHD. They’ll automatically diagnose him & not fully examine him. Tell the Dr this is what’s going on & I need help. You’re more likely to get an accurate diagnosed that way.