Am I wrong for this? Saturday was my birthday and I was alone with my daughter, fiance was working 14 hours. I just wanted an easier day for myself, not as much cooking and cleaning, not as many fights with my toddler, whatever. My fiancé is acting like I neglected our child. He was so mad that I put the tv on while she ate and that we just had easy meals. He would’ve had a heart attack if he knew I was considering ordering pizza for dinner and not giving any veg. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong but he’s making me feel like I was being lazy. It’s Monday and he left for work still mad. Our daughter was taken care of and fed. I didn’t get to do anything for my birthday so I figured an easier day and getting to enjoy a hot cup of coffee wasn’t wrong. Our day looked like in the morning I just put on Bluey, gave my daughter an easy breakfast (some cereal, milk, banana, and apples and peanut butter) and I just sat and had my coffee. Lunch was just sandwiches (Turkey, lettuce and tomato,) and some veggies, dinner I made instant ramen with the broth drained, soft boiled eggs and some veggies. We didn’t have any more screen time that day, and we did our regular activities. Colouring, reading, counting, playing with toys. I don’t think I did anything wrong but I’m nervous.
You may want to consider changing who your with or talking about it. Control is very real. Don’t let one negative person take away a beautiful memory with your baby
Nervous for what? That’s a normal day for many. It was your birthday, next time order dinner in AND a cake!
Your man seems like a control freak with a drill sergeant personality. The fact that he makes you this nervous even though your child was very well fed is really worrisome. I’m not sure you’d be safe marrying him, especially if he’s that controlling prior to marriage. Just reading this made me worry about your future with him.
Nervous? That one word and the way you said it makes me want to jump over everything you’re concerned about and ask you if you’re okay? And tell you that abuse comes in many forms none of which are acceptable, you did nothing wrong and you have absolutely nothing to be nervous about so the fact that you are concerns me and makes me wonder about your partner and the type of person they are.
The fact that you’re nervous and he’s pissed about something so small is very concerning. You didn’t do anything wrong. If he doesn’t like it for your next bday he can take the day off to spend with your baby. He can take care of her ALL day. Let’s see how good he does.
This post makes me sad! I don’t think my husband has ever asked me what our kids ate during the day, he just knows they ate and I did my best… sometimes we need a break even if it’s not a birthday or something special! I don’t understand why he’s so mad, and why your nervous? Are you nervous that he’ll still be mad or what? I’m sorry mama!
Oh boy! We have a fend night once or twice a month. On these nights, its normal for the kids to want cereal or just canned food (ravioli, soups). They like fend nights so much that they beg for them and I dont even have to argue over veggies. I think hes too up tight.
I would have put a giant birthday cake on the table and said that’s breakfast lunch and dinner. So I guess you’re a step ahead of me
Your husband would absolutely hate me. This is me everyday
Throw the fiance out and you should be fine
You need to leave that man, I’m shocked really. I regularly have lazy days, parents can not be 100% daily. It’d kill us off and your birthday should have been special even a little, not abuse. I would really look into couples therapy. Do not marry that man until you work out what his issue is and if it’s fixable zz
Wow that sounds like my day when I actually try! You’re a great and did nothing wrong!
The fact that you feel nervous, is sad. Your fiancé should have wanted that for you. Sounds like he needs to be an ex, instead of a husband. Your day with your daughter, sounded perfect, and you deserve it!
If your fiancé yells at you and gets mad for that stuff? Break it off and be a single mom. That’s literally insane. I have whole days where I don’t clean or pick up anything, the kids watch tv as much as they want, and we order pizza for lunch and eat the leftovers for dinner. That happens a lot and my husband would NEVER even question a thing…maybe he’d ask how he can help, and if I was ok haha. And yeah, he works 12-14 hour days too.
Girl I wish I could make those kind of meals for my little ones. Your doing great! He sounds very controlling over something he has no business being that way about! I’m sorry he’s putting you through this. As someone who was with a narcissist for 14 years be careful. I hope it gets better. Your a great momma!
The fact that you said you’re so nervous. You are in an abusive relationship. You are human, you are “allowed” to enjoy time with your children without feeling like you’re doing something wrong.
He honestly needs an attitude adjustment remember you are a real person who deserves the world from your man. If he can’t treat you better, find better because I promise it’s out there.
You enjoyed a nice relaxing birthday with the kiddo! Happy birthday! Your meals for the day sound delicious!
My child stopped eating “healthy” varieties of food and stuck to about 12-15 foods for 3 years. She’s healthy, thriving and at 6 years old and is slowly trying new things. During this time we also left a terrible, unsupportive and judgmental (abusive) relationship and life is peaceful and happy. Hang in there, keep up the great Momming and think about what kind of future you want for you and your girl.
There is nothing wrong with this AT ALL!
Mamas are allowed an easier day, we are allowed a day at home and we are allowed to chill out!
You should not feel bad even if you were to order pizza!!
Friday in our house last week, we played board games and ate pizza and mozerella sticks out of the box on the living room floor- do you know what, my kiddies will remember that (that we were relaxed and having fun and dinner was different) more than they will remember that tonight I made a curry from scratch and we sat at the dining table!
You should not have to justify your day to anyone!
Your baby spent time with you, was relaxed, had some tv on, did some colouring… plenty going on there!
You shouldn’t feel bad about this, he should feel bad about his reaction!
Happy birthday (ps definitely get cake!) xx
Happy late birthday!
Ignore the man’s complaints. Everything you and your daughter ate was healthy enough. If she was happy and fed that’s all that really matters. My son has autism and ate only chicken ramen for about a year He’s about 6’ tall now and healthy as a horse on a race day.
Btw- pizza is healthy in moderation. It has all the food groups on it- grains in the crust, cheese is a dairy product, fruit in the pizza sauce (tomatoes), protein in the meats (sausage, pepperoni, ham, etc), and vegetables (peppers, onions, mushrooms, etc).
Your “fiance” needs to spend a little less time criticizing and a little more time planning on doing something nice instead of treating you like the hired help.
Girl I’m a big believer that cereal isn’t breakfast but as a once in a while it’s totally cool. You were relaxing. Your husband has issues if he thinks this is bad. Now if this was a constant or every day thing then yea girl step it up. But every once in a while it’s totally okay
You being nervous makes me nervous for you over something so small…. He would probably die instantly from a heart attack if he saw how I parent 90% of the time I put tv on in the morning while they eat muffins for breakfast yes I give them vitamins and get veggies in them but they’re so picky usually we eat Mac n cheese or chicken nuggets for lunch and pizza for dinner… veggie pizza if I’m trying to be healthy he would faint …… but in all reality I’m scared for you and the way this sound like he’s so controlling and abusive
My son has a breakfast bar or dry cereal almost every morning. He eats it while watching TV so I can lay down for a few more minutes. So youre doing great!!! However you might want to reconsider the fiance…
Ignore that man happy birthday
First of all, happy birthday!!! I’m sorry that he didn’t do anything to make you feel special. My husband is gone 2 weeks out of every month for night shifts and is now travelling for work for 2 weeks, so he won’t be home at all. This is what my normal days look like. If he’s making you feel like a bad person Mom for doing that for one day….your birthday, I would say it’s time to do some reflecting. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
It’s a big accomplishment for moms to be able to prep and cook 3 meals a day every day as well as maintaining the whole house and raising children. I will admit I don’t cook every single day. Although my husband and I very rarely get fast food or go to a restaurant, we do have those “lazy” meals throughout the week. Personally I don’t consider your”lazy” day as lazy by any means. You still did a lot more than a lot of moms do on a daily basis. That man of yours sounds like a narcissistic controlling person. Don’t ever think you’re not doing enough because you are! You’re doing more than enough, especially on your lazy days.
I think your husband is acting like a selfish child, and is feeling guilty about not celebrating your birthday in any way. He doesn’t get to choose how you and baby spend your day. You are a great mom and deserve an easy day now and again and if he doesn’t help with that then you do what you can. Oh, and happy birthday!
Your post is very concerning. I feel your nervousness and it’s very disturbing
This breaks my heart. It sounds like you’re in a seriously controlled relationship where you feel this nervous/bad about your awesome day.
Oh your husband would HATE me.
Is he your boss or your husband? Yuck. He is major red flag flying high and proud. Gross. Your husband should NEVER make you feel nervous for that reason. You are human and he is not the boss of you.
You are with the wrong man honey! You didn’t do anything wrong and choosing to have lazy days or self care days is vital for everyone and not just because it was your birthday you deserve it other times aswell! He is in the wrong for not celebrating his wife/ mother of his child on her birthday and Mother’s Day he is gas lighting you and as far as the food it all sounds good to me I don’t consider those lazy meals!
Happy Birthday You are absolutely entitled to take a easy day. If he’s still mad at you over this then that is a HUGE red flag. Heck her dinner sounds great compared to what I fed my kids and they are 30 and 25.
Nervous? Oh boy I thank God for my husband everyday. I’m sorry happy birthday btw he sounds like a toddler himself
I’m sorry your husband sounds like a control nut!!! He needs to lighten up!! Ya didn’t do anything wrong!!!
Taking me time isn’t selfish or lazy. How are you supposed to pour from an empty cup. He’s just jealous he didn’t get too do it. Have him plan an me day and tell him to get over it
That sounds like an amazing day for you and your daughter . I have plenty of days where me and my son snuggle up and watch tv for the day and relax . You did nothing wrong . You sound like a good mama to me . Happy belated birthday
Happy birthday! And you didn’t do anything wrong. Your daughter had all her needs met. And you had a fun day together. Nothing wrong with that. And it’s sad your birthday went without anything from your fiancé, even if he was working 14 hours, he could have at least said “happy birthday, have a great day, take it easy”. If he gets that mad that you took it easy on your birthday (not heavy cooking, no cleaning), you should reconsider the marriage.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with how you spent your day with your daughter. It sounds like you were able to enjoy your day and I’m sure she loved to spend some extra time with mama. Cooking big meals is great but so is having quick and easy meals. Happy belated birthday!
Aw hell naw, for a man who seems to not do shit around the house, he got some high expectations for a stay at home mom who gets NO DAYS OFF… I could not!!! I WOULD NOT!!!
woof. this post made me feel like a really half assed mom. I think you’re doing amazing job.
Dude even if it wasn’t your birthday it’s not wrong. Every child’s temperment and body is different. This effects a lot of things for example temperment can affect what they eat and their attitude involving electronics. If your child is eating veggies at all you’re doing great! Don’t worry about sitting her in front of a screen from time to time as mom’s we need breaks. Put on a educational show or a mystery show (like Scooby or courage) that engages their critical thinking/reasoning skills. Research states that too much t.v. is not good for the brain but on the opposite side of the spectrum educational t.v. or t.v. that provokes critical thinking/reasoning/abstract reasoning/concrete reasoning are all okay substitutes as well. Doesn’t always have to be bill Nye the science guy. My kid games during the evening. She’s only 8 I get shit for it all the time but she’s a good kid. Never once got in trouble in her entire life at school, stays after class and during lunch to help clean up, offers her huskytreats to other students ( a treat system for getting good grades/helping others) she does chores at the house, she helps take care of her blind greatgrandmother, she excels at school (learned multiplication by the middle of 2nd grade & is marked as advanced/ahead on most subjects , she helps me cook and is just all around a great kid. She gets 2-3 hours of supervised screen time a day, but again temperment/personality is everything. Half the time I catch her watching D.I.Y. on YouTube or baking/cooking on YouTube or Fortnite which I’m okay with because it helps with depth perception/critical thinking/tactical thinking/patience/ concrete thinking/compromise.
Again don’t feel bad for shit. You’re a mom as long as shed fed, housed, and not abused she’ll be fine.
You are too good for him!! He doesn’t deserve you!! I will pray for you and your daughter because your fiancé is NEVER going to change!!
I think you need to be careful of that fiancé of yours and don’t ever question your self where you’re child is concerned your her mother and you know best
Sounds to me his either a narcissist or a controller! And your walking on egg shells!
And you should never be sorry especially for your birthday don’t let him manipulate you! You obviously know you did not do anything wrong caring for your child! Your always going to be feeling like your doing something wrong or trying not to do anything wrong if you stay with this man! Is it really worth your happiness and self being.
Tell guy to grow up. Your not a Servant. You are free to do as you want.Your birthday enjoy. Your daughter was taken care of all that’s important. Big meals aren’t necessary all the time. Snack meals aren’t going to kill her Maybe he needs to get with the program.
It sounds to me with everything that you’ve written that you instinctively feel the need to explain and justify your day.
This behavior is generally brought on by having a relationship with someone with whom you feel has control over you.
I’m going to say this as bluntly as I can…
Nobody controls you.
He has no right to dictate what you do with your children during the day. As long as they are physically and emotionally being taken care of, it is not his place.
Not because he is the man. Not because he works long hours. Not because he pays bills.
Neither you OR him is superior in the relationship.
You should never “worry” about what your partner thinks unless you’ve been conditioned to believe that his word is law.
It’s a partnership.
Sounds to me that your kids ate just fine and had a nice day. My advice is to set some boundaries with your husband and if he won’t respect that, try counseling. If he won’t do that… then you’ll have some tough decisions to make.
Kids need relaxing days as well . They get wore out and tired too and she was fed . I think he needs to chill out a little . He sounds super dramatic.
Wow you cook way more and way more healthier than I do. And what the heck is wrong with watching T.v. this sounds incredibly controlling. It was your bday, he wasn’t even there! I’ve had survival days, or movie days or days off and just stop. The kids can have toast or popcorn or get themselves something. Otherwise you’re just a slave with no break.
You are absolutely entitled to your own day to do whatever you want to. No one was neglected! When my 4 kids were young we had movie/pizza at least 1 day a month. Usually it was junk food day. We all loved it. Tell your husband to chill out. It us the little things in life that are the best memories.
This is sad. Your husband is being ridiculous and he sounds like he’s controlling and has never spent a day alone with a child
I swear these are made up posts because I can’t even handle half the crap I read in them. This is the most foolish thing ever
If you are nervous about something so minor I think there may be way more too it. You shouldn’t have to be “nervous” because your kid had a normal day.
Ehh he seems super controlling and you seem like your doing an amazing job mama! Dont let him get you down !!
There was nothing wrong with what you did he’s angry because you got relax for once he doesn’t like that because he is working and he expects you to be cleaning and running after the kids all day ,control freak
He doesn’t wanna come to my house if he’s upset about that. We have easy meals 90% of the time my husband and I both work full time and I don’t have the energy to cook elaborate meals. My kids are fed, well loved, and happy and that’s all that matters
Are you sure you want to marry this man? This is highly controlling behavior that often only worsens after marriage. I don’t understand his objections at all, and the fact that you’re nervous makes me ask if this is an emotionally and verbally abusive situation. Please speak with a professional immediately.
Don’t make his problem…YOURS…He sounds rather immature…You already have children…u don’t need a grown man to act like a child either!! I personally would not put up with such nonsense…Glad u enjoyed yourself…Dont let him take that joy away from Good Luck.
What the &^%$# did he actually expect other than those great meals and your undevided attention for your daughter? He sounds like a PITA and you should rethink your situation.
Alot of mom’s don’t do that much on a regular basis.You did nothing wrong don’t let him make u feel like a bad mom. He needs a reality check.Happy birthday to u ,he could have at least gotten something for ur child to give u .That’s how they learn to be giving people.
Gosh…I work as Paraeducator. I had summers off with my kids. At least once a week we just had easy days. Including sandwices for dinner. As they got older I would put snacks out forcthem to grab on their own. We have fend for yourself. My kids now older teens favorite memories are the days we ate junk and just humg put together. My husband has never asked me once about what O fed the kids or how I entertained them. You shouldn’t feel neevous for having a chill day.
Lose the big baby. You are fine. Everyone deserves a lazy day
He sounds very controlling. There is nothing wrong with what you did and for him to be so mad about it and still being mad about it is a big red flag. There is no reason to be upset over this or be nervous. If this is how he truly acts for something that isn’t really anything I can’t imagine how he would act for real issues. I’d honestly really reconsider this relationship before marrying this person and are trapped so to speak with him.
It’s your birthday not his, he wasn’t there(and that’s ok) but it sounds like a lovely day you had with your child. Sounds like he has a problem, but let it be his not yours. It’s hard to agree 100% of the time on parenting issues , sometimes it’s better to agree to disagree.
You need a new fiance… why didn’t he plan something nice for your bday? He needs to get over himself… was your daughter happy? We’re you happy? You didn’t starve her… and n unhealthy meal one day… is not the end of the world.
Absolutely nothing wrong with that! A couple time a month we have “every man for himself “ (we have older kids) and they eat whatever and we rest.
Everyone deserves that!
Nervous? Please don’t let anyone make you feel nervous. This sounds like a normal day- let alone the fact it was your birthday and you should have done whatever it was you wanted that made you happy on your special day. The issue is with him. You’ve done nothing wrong x
Sweety let him have her to his self for a few days you go visit family and see if he can prepare all the meals, no screen time, all the cleaning and whatever else you do in a normal day and see how long it takes him to be calling you.
I agree with other commenters that you should not be feeling nervous for not being his standard of perfection. Be your standard of a good mom and great human.
By the way what did he do for you as it was your birthday?
Holy crap! Your fiancé sounds like a snob. Absolutely necessary to have down time, doesn’t matter who you are. I don’t believe lazy is the right description, sounds more like animosity toward you from him. And still mad Monday morning:triangular_flag_on_post:I’ve been with my partner 23 yrs and lots of ups and downs but NERVOUS was never one of them. You do you, but you’re not wrong.
Honestly it sounds as though your husband is quite controlling. You shouldn’t be nervous over something so miniscule… It is a huge red flag… You did nothing wrong. Simple meals are fine. You still incorporated healthy items. Junk food is fine to eat, every now and again. Mammas are entitled to have easier days… I say order the damn pizza and remember that it doesn’t make you a bad mom. I’d honestly tell my husband where to shove it, if he treated me poorly over something like this.
You don’t want to know what I would tell him and if you’re scared there’s a problem? He’s ass could get glad in the same pants he got mad in with big Fk u to go with it. Sorry I’m not taking no man’s shit. You didn’t do anything wrong. If he’s mad he’s a problem to me.
Sounds like a good day to me…we as parents need to stop judging the other parent and let them be the Mom and or Dad that they are going to be provided your baby is healthy and happy…don’t worry about the rest
Something tells me this is an abusive relationship and you’re codependent. Abuse isn’t just physical. This is a crazy post. You did absolutely nothing wrong
You are allowed to have a lazy day or a lazy life anytime you want….
He should have had compassion for you on your day and supported you. I could see if your child was neglected in some way but obviously not.
My mother worked 16 hr shifts and sometimes was away for a couple days at a time. When she finally came home we’d have a day just like you described bc she was to tired to do much else. It’s honestly some of the best memories I have with her. She felt bad but I never did bc my mom snuggled with me and we talked and are junk food. That’s the kinda stuff where connection happens imo so pls don’t be shamed into taking those bonding moments away.
Most nights we have “fend for yourself” which is basically my kids want hot pockets, pizza rolls, ramen soup, chicken nuggets etc for dinner. After dealing with my almost 4 month old daughter all day long I’m too tired to actually cook most days. My boys are 11 and almost 10, so I just let them make what they want in the microwave. Weekends is usually when I do any actual cooking, or if I’m able to get to it during the week
Oh hell no. Time to get out of that relationship if you’re nervous about taking the day a little easier on your birthday. If your man is so worried about things being a certain way maybe he needs to make sure they are done before or after work. You will learn in time that it is necessary to take care of yourself. Don’t marry him. Classic narcissist.
You are allowed to have those days
Men don’t understand what us moms go through, you did nothing wrong. Maybe he should’ve went to his parents house for your birthday.
Wow that’s crazy. Moms are allowed to be tired and have days where we don’t feel like cooking. I just ordered pizza for my kids and it was so nice not having to cook or clean up and have the extra time with the kids
I do that from time to time if I don’t I’ll lose my mind between school three kids a breastfeeding 3-month-old my kids get good meals most of the time but every now and then we will have easy meals the entire day watch whatever we want not argue just have a lazy day and usually on the days like that the only thing I get done is folding laundry I’ll sit on the bed and watch a movie with the kids and just fold laundry lol don’t feel bad and happy birthday by the way we did this on mother’s Day my husband had to work all day and it was me and three kids lol and my husband never question what I feed the kids what I do in a day I’ll just straight tell him I had a lazy day I still drive take him to work take him home I still do daily things that is unavoidable but he understands if I didn’t give the kids a three-course meal we all need a day to just relax and take to ourselves and just have bonding moments instead of worrying about everyday struggles it’s okay you took a day off Mama’s need it 2
Not lazy at all. If he couldn’t be bothered to do anything for your birthday, the least he could do would be to help around the house and with your kid. Your child had fruit and veggies throughout the day and some screen time. Most kids get jumk food and fast food with unlimited screen time these days. Your man sounds bitter and asks way too much of you and does nothing for you in return for everything you do for him and your child.
Sounds like you and your daughter had a Great Day.
Throw the whole fiancé away!! Wtf?!? It’s your bday you deserve a break and he can stfu and this sounds like a normal day for the rest of us! Lazy my foot
I have a lot of lazy days where I lay in bed with my daughter and eat candy and junk food all day
He’d shit his pants if he was married to me really tho control is not cute. If he wants a 5 course meal 3x a day let him cook it. SMH.
Tell him get off his high horse , we have many simple meals when I don’t feel like making dinner I don’t. Simple as that. If my husband wants a fancy meal that day he knows where the kitchen is.
Your partner is being fucking ridiculous those are normal meals that I would on a regular day dude. This relationship sounds toxic. Lazy for me would’ve been eating out for every meal or letting my kids eat junk food for breakfast. Your fiancé is an asshole.
Oh dear, my kids eat cereal for breakfast and sometimes dinner. We have lazy days at least twice a month where we sleep and watch movies all day and snack on whatever they wish.
You did nothing wrong mama happy birthday
Huge red flag. Your husband is an ass and you did nothing wrong. You shouldn’t have to live your life feeling nervous around your husband.
Your husband would hate to see a normal day in my household But my kids are alive, fed and healthy…and they’ve made it to 11yrs and 5yrs old…so my track record isn’t terrible
I believe you did nothing wrong and he is very controlling. I am glad you had a good day, and hope you have more, but first, I believe the two of you need some counseling.
Every parent has their own parenting style. A pizza with momma on occasion is not a big deal unless your daughter has health related dietary issues
He sounds like a super douche If my husband came home from a long shift like that, it would never cross his mind to ask me what we ate for every meal. That’s a red flag. And the fact that he makes you feel nervous is an even bigger red flag.
Goodness. Sounds absolutely fine to me. I think you need a different fiance.
I would be thinking deeply about why he would be mad about this in the first place… doesn’t seem like you did anything wrong to me. And why are you nervous? That choice of wording is most concerning for me. Might be time to concern who you are with and if it’s worth it in the long run if this is how he reacts…
He sounds like he’s not happy because you didn’t have something prepared for him and he has to do it himself