I’m sorry but kids or not, if they are going to treat my kids like crap I’m gonna say something since it seems their bio ones don’t. You need to be an advocate for your children. You don’t need to tuck your tail just cause they are your step kids. From experience, I love and treated my step children with the same care as my own. But that included the same treatment and discipline. It’s a hard area to navigate though cause you get blamed for the situation your in yet the same people will down you if you try an parent them at the same time.
I can’t believe he hasn’t ended things, I could not be with someone who doesn’t like my children.
I personally wouldn’t put me or my kids threw that amd it wouldn’t be fair for my partner to be with someone who doesn’t love his children as well ((but yah some kids are not a joy)
The “do what I want or I won’t be your friend” thing is normal. I worked with kids & that’s a normal threat. Teach your daughter that she does NOT have to be friends with her. She shouldn’t want to be friends with someone who is controlling her. It will serve your daughter well later in life when she gets into crowds that are doing things like drugs. She will know she has the power to walk away. As far as discipline it’s hard to truly discipline a child when you have them for short periods of time. Your bf & his ex need to get in the same page.
he needs to set his kids straight. tell ur kid to stand up for herself. she gets her hair pulled pull the girls hair back. and then laugh at her when she crys about it. tell them not to take the girls shit. talk back when she gets bossy. push back. fuck all that noise
Put your children first.
Been there done that and I wouldn’t say I hated the kids. That’s poor choice of wording and I don’t believe you hate them just hate their actions. In the relationship i was in like that neither parent wanted to parent consistently and if I stepped in i was the bad guy. I eventually walked away
It sounds like he is lacking in his parenting issues and that overlaps into yours. I’d be rethinking that relationship because it’s not likely to ever change.
Dang some of y’all are a piece of work! You know there are actually terrible kids that just get off by causing crap right? It isn’t always the “new woman” or whatever. I agree if it can’t be gotten under control she probably needs to leave but I be dang I would be in a relationship and have the other partners kids treat mine like crap!! Js
You need a super nanny. Seriously, if this is going on in your home, it isn’t going to get better until the mom does something about it in her home. Those kids have been getting away with being super brats for a long time. The other issue is that the behavior you are seeing in the older child is so destructive that she is likely to have more violent tendencies and social issues as she gets older, if her mean behavior is not stopped now.
You either need to see improvement in the next month or leave. There behavior is harmful to your own kids.
Are you able to go visit family the next time they visit? Your boyfriend needs to get the picture and get to work being a parent. If he does not, for the sake of your children, you need to leave. He may need to attend parenting classes with his two kids. I wouldn’t be there when his girls come for visitation. They are toxic.
Coming from the unliked child from a blended family u need to leave…
The amount of women here saying that you’re the problem are the ones that probably have bratty kids too.
I would keep communicating with your partner and setting boundaries for what is acceptable behavior around your children and around you. Lay down the expectations and make sure your partner helps enforce them.
You aren’t a horrible person that nobody wants to be with because you expect those kids to treat yours with respect and not throw trash all over the place.
You not saying anything and just letting it slide would of only compounded the issue.
I think you’re wording is upsetting people. You don’t like the girls behavior. They might be good kids acting out due to changes, and if you’re committed you work with your partner to better the home. He needs to step up. If he doesn’t, then you should know what to do for the life you want with your children.
She sounds like a typical bratty girl I don’t think you should dislike her, but maybe speak with her daddy and maybe even her mother…
You said you didn’t like his kids (plural) and then gave several reasons why the oldest is a brat. So you do sound pretty crappy. A problem child happens but you said you don’t like them both. Leave that man and his girls alone
Really? If they are mean and mistreat your kids that’s a deal breaker. Find a new man with nicer kids.
Been there bought the shirt. It does get better as they get older. They just don’t want to share
Leave those girls alone they deserve better how could he not leave you already
You are the parent. Might not be blood but you are the adult. Figure it out. Speak up. Not to just your partner and let him do it, you need to too.
I would be out if someone else’s kids treated mine badly because your kids matter, to me if he can’t man up like he should then your children should not have to suffer
I am blown away at people getting mad at you for saying this and defending the child. 9 year old child saying stuff and grabbing peoples hair? Screw that. No wonder there’s bullys.
Leave him now… for his own good and those girls. They’re young , have new people in their life . And you just put out, into the universe , that you don’t like them. You can’t take that back
Tell your man you dont tolerate this and leave him he will learn why woman won’t stay with him because of his kids not fair to you or kids to put up with this and he does nothing about it
He needs to pull his finger out and set some boundaries!
Our girls were the same when we got together 10years ago, but because dad always let it slide, they knew this and would always play on it! I’d deal with all the bs during the day, by the time he was home from work I was over it and would just cry too him - it took him 7ish years too realise that we can’t live like this and shit needs too change. Put your foot down
How long have you guys been together? Children are hard.
No you need to leave. Things are about to turn toxic really fast.
And for people saying how bad of a person she is unless you’ve been in that exact situation you don’t know how it feels.
Family counseling if you want to save the relationship
U should not be with someone who u can’t stands kids . Smh
Educate his child!! Is ur responsibility too. He came to you in a package of 3
If he can’t raise his kids right why would you want to be with him? Says a lot about his character
He needs to put his kids first.
So do you.
18 years goes by ridiculously fast.
Clearly this isn’t working out for you or your kiddos.
I think you already know the answer.
It’s time to go. Tell him straight up since he cannot control his kids you and yours will no longer be subjected to it. And leave.
Kids probably think ur a……Kids are smart and are picking up on ur energy that u already made up ur mind n hate them so yeah I’m glad they are disrespecting u since u lack respect and compassion for them …it does work both ways which u need to be an adult (they are kids ) and innocent in my book and who knows ur kids are probably brats too and ur kids are mirror imaging ur snotty behavior towards ur bfs kids …he needs to kick u to the curb for real …he needs a REAL woman that will show love and acceptance to his kids
You’ve got to get past the non being able to stand his kids. Try to imagine them as if they are your own kids just behaving that way. Sure it would stress you out but you would be seeing things differently. If you guys want a life together and a blended family you’re Gona have to work on this simple as that because years of resenting his kids is only going to make things toxic
As a stepmom of an 11 year old boy I can tell you it’s not easy but it does get better. I was that stepmom that felt some type of way when I had my son. Due to childhood trauma from my stepmom I pushed my stepson away and resented him. I didn’t mean to. I still loved him but it was hard to have a relationship because of my stepmom. The one person I promised I would never be. I saw a counselor, got put on meds, and reached out to his mom to voice my opinion about some concerns that I had and my feelings. I told his mom and my stepson I was sorry for the way things were and promised them both I would never go back to that mean stepmom. Now we are mending our relationship and are doing amazing. He was never a bad kid but I always “thought” that way for a while. When in reality it was me. Now we see him on a regular basis and I love it. I love having him in my home. And I can communicate with his mom about anything I need to regarding my feelings, certain situations, or issues that occur with him. And that is brought all of together. We are now working as a team and not against each other and all it took was some hard work. A lot from me but also from everyone. Communication is key. You need to communicate. You are allowed to discipline in a reasonable manner just don’t over step any boundaries with the mom or dad. It’s not easy. But it’s possible. You saying you hate his kids isn’t okay… They will see that and not want to come around anymore and you will ruin their relationship with their father. And that’s not fair to them.
Sounds like they might be struggling and need some extra guidance their selves ￼with her. It’s clearly not you, I would move on￼￼!
￼ I mean, I have a stepdaughter That gets on my nerves just like the rest of them. I would never go as far as…, I hated her… I love her enough to correct her!!! ￼ Love without discipline is Tairney and my deer, you sound like a tyrant!
Honestly I include how good of a parent someone is in my assessment of their character. So if he’s a shitty dad who lets kids get away with being disrespectful ang hurtful and doesn’t back up his partner, that shows something lacking in him. A red flag to me.
Why don’t you call a
" family " meeting and put things out in the open. Call his kids out for picking on the younger ones, if you make a mess YOU will be the one to clean it up. Set up house rules, and everyone will be there so nobody can say they weren’t told. Kids need rules and boundaries. So set them up. And don’t just pick on his kids, reenforce the house rules with your kids as well. That way they don’t feel as they are being picked on. Good luck !!
From someone who was in a split family household, I can tell you that if you don’t like them, and even though you feel terrible for saying it, they know and they can sense it. It sounds like you’re doing everything you can, however you’re still struggling with this. He hasn’t listened if there’s still issues but keep in mind they are still really young and could have been raised completely different. (To be more spoiled.) but it is time for him to get a handle on his kids.￼ it does get easier as they get older, but the six-year-old especially is probably having some problems with their dad being in another relationship. Even if it has nothing against you it’s just how children act. At that age they can hardly control their emotions and they don’t know many coping skills. So I would just start disciplining them as if they were my own. Start with the hair pulling and tell her that the behavior is not acceptable to hurt others and that words hurt. Being mean to your kids makes the kids bullies and if you plan on marrying him, you don’t want your future kids and his to all be bullies and repeat the behavior they see at home. So if your child is getting hurt, they usually will put their frustration on someone else. If he has an issue with it then you’ll have to make a hard decision whether or not it’s worth it…because whenever you get into a relationship with somebody who has kids, it’s a package deal at that point.￼ which is why you’re here asking for advice. I hope things get easier and they do as they age. Just continue offering support, maybe have family meetings get all the kids on the same page, aside from the 4 year old. You’ll have to make it simple and sweet, saying you care too much about them to be saying those ugly words and being hurtful. I wouldn’t use the term brat or mean(directly too them), rude/hateful etc because they can take that personally. Hang in there! While it does get easier it’s hard blending families together. Do they have a custody agreement in place with the father? Because I’ve seen children, especially smaller kids, act out more if they have to bounce home to home.
I think you and your partner should try to work together as a team. Tell him he needs to put his foot down and not let the kids walk all over him. Set ground rules and boundaries. If they act up then discipline them. Blended families aren’t easy but I think you guys can make it work.
Stepmom here. This relationship isn’t going to work out if he doesn’t have control of his kids. You will start to resent him and rightfully so. I refuse to tolerate behavior I don’t accept from my own biological children from others’ children.
They could be rebelling because their dad has moved on? How long has he been separated from their mother?
Throw it in girl.whats your children’s views on the matter.dont let them come 2nd best.mamma should know best.
If you don’t like the kids you don’t belong in the family. I’m not saying that to be mean, it’s just isn’t that a miserable way to live? Like for all of you.
Leave. Itll never work. Who cares about the judges your receiving. I’ve been there and I get it.
If your not willing to work things out with his kids that you might as well leave.
Their his kids and they were there before you and will be there after you. Either you try to work with them and try to be their friend (don’t try to be their Mom) or you throw the towel in on a otherwise good relationship. At least your man is willing to “try” to work on things with them. Treat them the same as yours, same attention and same punishments because they will know how you’re feeling about them no matter how hard you try to act like you like them. Don’t tolerate disrespect for you or your kids that’s for sure. No one likes a brat so let him know either it changes or you’re out. Maybe the kids Mama is encouraging the bad behavior too…it happens. My ex’s kids mama told them they didn’t have to do anything I said, and they didn’t…hence, the word ex.
He needs to scold them when they misbehave or give you permission. Nobody should be bullying anyone and they need to pick up after themselves or you need to be the Meaner girl!
I almost didn’t comment, but kept coming back to this post. I may get hate for this, but IMO, you are wrong here. One, they are kids. Two, they are his, your partner’s kids. Three, if y’all living together and building a life together, they are also YOUR kids. Step, bonus, whatever you want to call them…as a single parent yourself, you know when you date a person with kids, it’s a package deal, whether those kids are angels or demon spawn behavior wise. I’ve been in past relationships where someone couldn’t accept my children (yes they have plenty of faults, but no matter what they are my children) and that’s why those relationships are in the past. Anytime you blend families, there will be push back, resentments, pushing boundaries, and adjustment. If you as the adult can’t adjust then you need to call or quits. BC if you truly love this person, you love those kids too, even when they drive you insane and piss you off. My BF and I have been a blended family for years now, and sometimes we all have just as many bad days as we had in the beginning, with kids being disrespectful, or driving us bat shit crazy. Like I said, they are kids. They do NOT have the coping mechanisms, emotional control, or expressiveness we have. Out of all our kids, my bonus daughter (whom I consider my daughter just as much as the children I birthed) tests me the absolute most. We sometimes have WW3 in our home, but I also remember the hell I gave my own mother at that age. We all have baggage, even children. It’s your job, not just his, to help them navigate that baggage. So if you “can’t stand his kids” then you need to step out the picture BC you aren’t giving them your all if that’s honestly how you can express yourself regarding them.
I’m sorry but if you can’t be a good parent and love his kids then you need to get out! Kids know when they are not wanted!! Find you a man that doesn’t have kids or one you can love his kids!! The father needs to take control and if he’s not willing get out!!
Children need to always come first. It is difficult when parents are not together. Children did not ask for this
First off that sounds like normal bratty kid stuff to me. And second off if you don’t like your partner‘s kids then you don’t need to be with him. If someone was with me and didn’t like my kids then I would hope that they would get to step in as soon as possible because at the end of the day my kids are more important and they come first so if you don’t like my kids there’s no reason for you to be around me or my kids. ￼￼￼
you guys together as adults need to tag-team a discipline plan. And both work together to be on it EACH TIME❕ with the time outs or whatever you choose
Those kids are old enough to understand there are different rules at dads than moms. Set and maintain household and family standards. Require all the kids to adhere to them. Keep it simple and reasonable
Take parenting classes & work on yourself for a while
If you are going to try to make it work, don’t discipline his kids. They will hate you for it. But, talk to him in private about the stuff that you think needs to change and let him handle it. If he wants this to work…he will try hard for you and your kids and for his kids. Sounds like they may resent the relationship which wouldn’t be odd. But whether it’s your kids or someone else’s he should want them to behave nicer for their own good.
It’s a packaged deal, if you don’t like half the package then let them go
I would leave personally.
I wouldn’t want to coparent with a man that not only lets his kids disrespect me, but disrespect my kids as well. There’s a lack of structure and consequences and I wouldn’t want my kids to pick up on that and behave the same way.
He is their father, he should be taking responsibility for their behaviour.
If he’s not willing to help discipline his kids then you need to leave period. Don’t feel bad if he’s not a good fit for you and your kids. He has to learn to be a parent but u can’t force him. Save yourself and your kids.
Don’t be with anyone if you don’t like their kids. Period. Nothing you can do to force him to discipline or change His parenting.
Give it time and a lot of love.
You are in fact a pos. Why you with a person while hating his kids? Would you be ok if it was him hating yours? Bet not. Be single
That child would not be happy with me. She’s a child, her and I are NOT equals.
Look at the kids perspective. Do your children live with you guys full time? I couldn’t imagine being a small child and having other children live in what should be “my house” and learning to share then getting whisked away back to mom’s house. They are adjusting. The changes must be hard on them. Then to feel like they’re not wanted or welcomed… sounds like therapy would help everyone.
I believe if a kid is playing up , and the parent ain’t doing anything about it , id growl that kid as if it’s my own … Don’t care if it’s mine or yours , its getting an equal reaction as if my kid was the lil brat … I dont condone bullying , nor exclusion , nor intimidation . But if he has a problem with you parenting his kids , then say something … Loving him is loving ALL of him , and that’s including his babies . If you honestly can’t get past it , you need to go . It’s unfortunate that you feel this way about them , and I hope the advice you come across helps you with your next step xx
I have. And it didnt work out for me
Although he let his little girls dictate our relationship.
And i wasnt having that.
Ended up not even seeing him when he had them.
Knew it would never work at that point
Gotta respect them as a parent or thr marriage will falter every single day the kids are there.
Thats never a good situation
If u dont like the kids…u shouldnt be with him.
They should be an extention of him.
It means…theres a whole side of him you already don’t like.
These things escalate.
Id suggest either family therapy or call it quits tbh
But thats just my opinion
They don’t sound like bad kids. They sound like kids going through a lot that need some love, discipline, and guidance. They absolutely do NOT need a wicked step mother that clearly doesn’t like them. At the beginning of ur message I thought they were going to be older teenagers or adults. They are 7 and 4! Holy crap lady. Ur a trip. I bet you think ur kids are little angels. Lol Those kids deserve a step mom that will love them and help mold them into awesome adults. Not give them something else to recover from. You should just leave.
Been married to husband for 8 years his kids and I got along great at first…after about 2 years he came to live with us and my daughter. It got to a point where I was calling the cops for my step son abusing my dog…acted like he was going to punch me. Kept getting up in my face when I would tell him to do something. He eventually moved back to his moms and we haven’t seen him since. However it boils down to their mom did not like me and brainwashed the kids to do the same. You either sit down with the entire family including your partner and tell them what you expect out of them including your kids. If they do not comply even your partner, you only start doing things for you and your kids and see if that helps. Or you make family plans and let them know if any of the kids act up then those kids dont get special treats, electronics and t.v. time or they have chores they have to do.
Kids are brats and young siblings fight. Get over it. You not liking his kids isn’t very loving of a mother. Me and my sisters fought like cats and dogs. Life must have been so easy for you to not like a kid. Also those kids should be equal in your eyes.
If you already talked to him about this and he hasn’t put his foot down, then I’m sorry to say…,it’s time for you to protect your children’s mental health and move on without him and his 2 children.
They are babies!!! 7 and 4 years old? If you can’t stand them now then you need to leave. You will not be able to deal at all when their hormones are raging. Please, leave that family because you, without meaning to, will destroy those children.
Personally I wouldn’t be with ANYBODY who doesn’t discipline their kids…
BAD KIDS TURN INTO TOXIC ADULTS!
If you’ve been in a
relationship for a long time and you feel like it’s worth it then you need to set boundaries and ultimatums on how his children are being disciplined when they are at your home and the boundaries and guidelines that are being set for them. You both need to sit down and address them and maybe put it on a “house rules and behavior chart” and list the RESPECTFUL behaviors that are expected out of them towards everyone in the house at ALL times!!!. If they do not follow and he does not enforce them I would get out ASAP!!!
I have been in relationships with step kids and an ex wife. I would never do it again. Hell on earth.
I don’t like my husbands child at all. We have been together almost 10 years. I avoid his child at all costs. From the day his child threatened to kill our baby that was it. My husband can see his child outside of our home. Don’t feel bad. Some kids suck. Ignore them. Ignore how he parents them. And don’t do for them. Force him to be the parent at all times.
I can understand kids misbehaving under these circumstances. Their dad plays full time dad to other children and not them. Sounds like he also doesn’t parent very well either which would add to the issue. I think its time to figure out a plan of action for both of you and all the kids or walk away. No point in literally everyone building resentment.
Those girls deserve better.
If you don’t like his children the relationship will never work
Nope. Tbh your kinda giving me wicked stepmother vibes. You obviously don’t like them and it sounds like they’re a package deal. Leave.
Take it with a gain of salt and be thankful they go home…
I might be a terrible person too but I completely understand not liking a kid.
He is probably scared to lose them , if the ex is difficult then I don’t blame him from being soft on them
The girls lack discipline and boundaries. He and his wife must get on the same page and correct this.
Show the kids whos boss