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QUESTION:
"My daughter is in the 4th grade. This little boy the same age has a crush on her. It started out with him giving her extra attention like asking her weird questions, acting like he needs help only she can provide, telling the teachers that she knows the answer etc. She wasn’t comfortable with that. But she’s passive so she tried to let it go. Then he would write her notes or pictures, send her emails, put “love stickers” on her computer. She tried to ignore it. We’ve told her to tell him directly that she’s too young & not interested in that kind of relationship. He gets angry. Calls her names, tells outlandish stories about her etc. He has escalated to grabbing her hand, rubbing her legs, hugging her etc. We told her that unwanted touching is inappropriate & not to allow it. She tried talking to him he won’t listen so she escalated to slapping his hand away, moving from him which can be a struggle etc. When she refuses his advances he gets angry. He’s called her names, “you’re stupid” is pretty common from him. He’s told outlandish stories about her to other classmates including that they had sex. THEY’RE 9!!! The teacher once sent me a message saying my daughter doesn’t have any friends & it’s her fault because she pushes this boy away. When I explained the whole story the teacher didn’t respond. Now this situation has included my son who is younger & has told him to leave his sister alone. This boy is now bullying him. School is no help. They think it’s “cute”. Teachers have even told the 2 that they make a “cute couple”. I’m trying to teach my daughter she doesn’t have to give into advanced from boys. But it’s really hard when teachers are seeming to encourage it & standing up for herself results in her & her brother being bullied verbally & physically. What should I teach my daughter to do? My instincts say to tell both my children to beat him up. But that’s not how I want them to handle this. The next boy maybe in highschool or adulthood may not be easy to “teach” with physical force. Please help me teach my daughter how to handle unwanted advanced from boys/men."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"I had to deal with something like this at about that age. The boy tried to kiss me and i ended up kicking him between the legs. Stopped it. Lol. Teachers were no help. Thought it cute back then too."
"Go straight to the principal and request a meeting with the kids parents and the kid"
"I’d be going straight to the principal the boys parents and possible dss cause that s— ain’t funny and is learned behavior from the father most likely"
"I have taught mine to get loud. Loudly say DON’T TOUCH ME THERE even if it is her hand. Also, knowing the law in your area can go a long way when speaking to the school. I had to threaten to have a child arrested for assault, to get them to take action, but it worked."
"Get the principal involved and honestly if they refuse to do anything, have the police get involved."
"Honestly I would transfer her classes or even schools since the teacher said she “has no friends” I would talk to your daughter about starting new in a new school without that boy as a distraction and having the possiblity to make new friends that aren’t influenced by his gross words against her. I would also take this straight to the principal and ask that the boy be kept away from your daughter until the transfer goes through."
"I’d be right down at that’s school first thing in the morning. As a mom of an almost 9 yr old boy, I would flip out if I Found out he was doing anything like that"
"Go to the school and see if she can be placed in another classroom so she doesn’t feel uncomfortable afterwards."
"No no no no no!!! This is DISGUSTING! My ass would be at that school! Write to the superintendent, go over their heads. I’m so sorry, I would be absolutely LIVID!!! I hope this gets under control soon, if not, I would see if I could switch schools if they don’t take you seriously but I would definitely try contacting the superintendent and maybe even a lawyer? This behavior should not be enforced in schools or anywhere!"
"Contact ATIXA (Association of Title IX Administrators) it is against the law for students to sexually harass other students. The folks at ATIXA can get you connected to resources that can help. No one should ever have to put up with being sexually harassed. And the teacher is complicit if she doesn’t put a stop to it."
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