There is a boy being pushy with my daughter at school: What do I do?

My daughter is in the 4th grade. This little boy the same age has a crush on her. It started out with him giving her extra attention like asking her weird questions, acting like he needs help only she can provide, telling the teachers that she knows the answer etc. She wasn’t comfortable with that. But she’s passive so she tried to let it go. Then he would write her notes or pictures, send her emails, put “love stickers” on her computer. She tried to ignore it. We’ve told her to tell him directly that she’s too young & not interested in that kind of relationship. He gets angry. Calls her names, tells outlandish stories about her etc. He has escalated to grabbing her hand, rubbing her legs, hugging her etc. We told her that unwanted touching is inappropriate & not to allow it. She tried talking to him he won’t listen so she escalated to slapping his hand away, moving from him which can be a struggle etc. When she refuses his advances he gets angry. He’s called her names, “you’re stupid” is pretty common from him. He’s told outlandish stories about her to other classmates including that they had sex. THEY’RE 9!!! The teacher once sent me a message saying my daughter doesn’t have any friends & it’s her fault because she pushes this boy away. When I explained the whole story the teacher didn’t respond. Now this situation has included my son who is younger & has told him to leave his sister alone. This boy is now bullying him. School is no help. They think it’s “cute”. Teachers have even told the 2 that they make a “cute couple”. I’m trying to teach my daughter she doesn’t have to give into advanced from boys. But it’s really hard when teachers are seeming to encourage it & standing up for herself results in her & her brother being bullied verbally & physically. What should I teach my daughter to do? My instincts say to tell both my children to beat him up. But that’s not how I want them to handle this. The next boy maybe in highschool or adulthood may not be easy to “teach” with physical force. Please help me teach my daughter how to handle unwanted advanced from boys/men.

348 Likes

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/there-is-a-boy-being-pushy-with-my-daughter-at-school-what-do-i-do/17873

I had to deal with something like this at about that age. The boy tried to kiss me and i ended up kicking him between the legs. Stopped it. Lol. Teachers were no help. Thought it cute back then too.

3 Likes

Take it too the police

1 Like

Report it to the principal, the boys parents, the police. You are your daughters advocate need to get EVERYONE involved. If they were teenagers this wouldn’t be “cute”!

13 Likes

Id tell my kods to beat that @$$ if it doesnt stop…no thats not the best response but im nnot having my daughters being gropped and feelings helpless and uncomfortable because if they were grown it would be sexual assualt at this point.

Go straight to the principal and request a meeting with the kids parents and the kid

5 Likes

I’d be going straight to the principal the boys parents and possible dss cause that s— ain’t funny and is learned behavior from the father most likely

7 Likes

Call the school board and if they won’t do anything try pressing charges against the kid and the school

7 Likes

I have taught mine to get loud. Loudly say DON’T TOUCH ME THERE even if it is her hand. Also, knowing the law in your area can go a long way when speaking to the school. I had to threaten to have a child arrested for assault, to get them to take action, but it worked.

8 Likes

Go to the principal, the school district , superintendent and if need be, the police

3 Likes

Bruh. Pull her and homeschool, find another homeschool group in your city so she can socialize and such. Homeschooling can be done in literally any schedule.

2 Likes

Get the principal involved and honestly if they refuse to do anything, have the police get involved.

5 Likes

Instead of the principal why not the superintendent

3 Likes

Honestly I would transfer her classes or even schools since the teacher said she “has no friends” I would talk to your daughter about starting new in a new school without that boy as a distraction and having the possiblity to make new friends that aren’t influenced by his gross words against her. I would also take this straight to the principal and ask that the boy be kept away from your daughter until the transfer goes through.

2 Likes

I’d be right down at that’s school first thing in the morning. As a mom of an almost 9 yr old boy, I would flip out if I Found out he was doing anything like that

3 Likes

I smell a lawsuit against the school if they continue to be of no help.

9 Likes

Go to the school and see if she can be placed in another classroom so she doesn’t feel uncomfortable afterwards.

2 Likes

No no no no no!!! This is DISGUSTING! My ass would be at that school! Write to the superintendent, go over their heads. I’m so sorry, I would be absolutely LIVID!!! I hope this gets under control soon, if not, I would see if I could switch schools if they don’t take you seriously but I would definitely try contacting the superintendent and maybe even a lawyer? This behavior should not be enforced in schools or anywhere!

If the school principal isn’t helping then go straight to the superintendent. And find out who his parents are there needs to be a meeting to discuss this.

3 Likes

Contact ATIXA (Association of Title IX Administrators) it is against the law for students to sexually harass other students. The folks at ATIXA can get you connected to resources that can help. No one should ever have to put up with being sexually harassed. And the teacher is complicit if she doesn’t put a stop to it.

1 Like

Get the school district involved. Sometimes schools fail to acknowledge situations until the district gets involved

1 Like

I’d be down at the school so fast their heads would spin. Walking into the building as I hit send on an email to every administrator and employee of that school district. I would honestly let my daughter beat the crap out of that kid. Maybe then the school would address it. If they would handle it and not encourage it then maybe it wouldn’t have lead to physical violence. That boys behavior as an adult results in restraining orders and DV cases.

4 Likes

That shit IS NOT CUTE! Good for you and your daughter for encouraging healthy boundaries and standing up for one’s self. Clearly though this NEEDS to be taken up a notch by you. Like everyone else, I’d go above the teachers heads and make it a point with the principle, and if nothing changed quickly, police. This boy and his family need to know that this is seriously damaging behavior.

My kids will know these steps: 1) say something (tell them to stop). 2) if they don’t, tell the nearest adult. 3) if nothing changes and they touch you again, you have every right to hit them and will NOT get in trouble at home for standing up for yourself and your body.
:woman_shrugging:

16 Likes

Can your daughter be put in another class …this boy needs help now before he becomes uncontrollable and a possible felon

3 Likes

I would talk to the Principal, show the email the teacher sent and your reply. Then I would contact the Superintendent and tell the school board that you’re making a formal complaint to the law. I would then obtain a Lawyer. Have your Lawyer send the parents a letter explaining that if they don’t get a handle on their son, then charges will be pressed to the fullest!

4 Likes

This is clearly sexual harassment, regardless of age. If the teacher has done nothing then go to the principal. Make it known that if a plan is not put in place to keep this boy from your daughter that you plan on filing charges.

5 Likes

Call the principal and if that gets you nowhere, call the superintendent. Tell them you’ll have your attorney call them. I bet they won’t think it’s cute then.

1 Like

Go to the principal or take it to the police or school board!! No way should she have to put up with this!! Her teachers need to be fired!!

2 Likes

I woukdn’t be messing with emails…go to the principal face to face…you start threatening harrassnent charges, they shiuld pay attention…if something doent change…put her in another school…stand up for her !!

6 Likes

Go straight to the board of education and hire a lawyer.

3 Likes

Teachers won’t help, involve principal, principal won’t help, involve school board…

6 Likes

Threaten the school with a lawsuit for allowing your daughter to be harassed after she’s made it clear she does not like this boy

4 Likes

I’d be going to the court house and getting an OP! Just my opinion! It’s basically harassment, sexual harassment tbh. Maybe then, they would take it seriously

2 Likes

Walk your child into school and you loudly amd publicly tell him to stay away from your children. Report to education department immediately as well. This is disgusting and needs to be dealt with.

6 Likes

What is wrong with these schools acting like this is ok? I’d tell them all well my daughter has full permission to knock the crap out of him if he touches her one more time! He’s had enough warning from her to stop and no one there is helping her.

4 Likes

Go to the school board directly, find out who the boys parents are, and if they don’t do anything then involve the police. I would also do what one person said and be loud. Have her scream, "Don’t touch me there! " or “Get away from me, your hurting me”. If that doesn’t get the so called adults attention at that schools and nothing is done. Police report and change her school.

2 Likes

I would go right up to that school!!! That is UNACCEPTABLE on all parts, especially the teachers who are encouraging it!!! I would be PISSED

1 Like

You need to contact the district administrator and make it very clear that you’re ready to get police involved because technically what he’s doing is assaulting your daughter. That’s not cute in any way.

1 Like

I would go to the board of education since the teachers and principle think it’s “cute”

I would also request the child’s parents be brought in for a meeting, they may be completely unaware of the situation.

Lastly, contact your local police department and let them know that your child is uncomfortable with the advances and that the school is refusing to do anything about it. They may be able to give some insight on the best way to move forward.

3 Likes

I’m afraid at this stage, you’re going to have to approach the principal and the superintendent and threaten to bring charges of sexual harassment against the boy, the teacher, the principal and the school for allowing this type of behavior to continue after you have registered a complaint to get it to stop. Your daughter and son should not have to deal with this. I would also tell your daughter and son, in the meantime, if the touching and bullying continue, they are to defend themselves. They are not to start anything, but if they are touched, they are to knock this little monster on his tookus. If there’s a complaint filed against them. Claim self-defense.

5 Likes

Call the police. Screw the school process

2 Likes

I would have a meeting with the principal and the school counsellor. I would also ring up board of education. If anything doesn’t happen then I would get the police involved

2 Likes

Do not let them blow you off with “it’s cute” when he saying things like they had sex and touching her without his permission. A nine year old boy can still do plenty of harm to a young girl, this needs to be stopped. I would go to the school board and possibly press charges if it is not getting handled. I see nothing wrong with you daughter hitting him to defend herself. I can’t imagine how angry you are, because I am fuming for you.

I would absolutely lose my shit.

I do believe I would consult an attorney at this point. That little boy is probably going to grow up being a narcissistic sexual predator. This crap has to stop. THERE IS NOTHING CUTE WITH HARASSMENT!!! PERIOD!

2 Likes

You definitely need to teach her how to protect herself it’s one thing for her to slap him out of no where but he is putting his hands on your daughter he deserves to be put in his place I get that violence isn’t always the answer but in this situation if it were my daughter and some other child was sexually harassing my daughter at school at the age of 9 at that I would hope she would do more than just slap his hand and you definitely need to be up at that school in the principals office every chance you get heck put a camera in her backpack or give her something to record his behavior but do something and do something fast before this escalates to something worse

1 Like

Call a lawyer immediately.

1 Like

Complain to the district of the school isn’t doing anything

1 Like

2 things:
School board
Lawyer

3 Likes

Yep. Honestly my son would’ve had the kid on the ground yelling at him if he saw what was going on.

1 Like

Teach her to tell him no and the she needs to hit him in the nose as hard as she can. They can’t ignore that he is a problem then.

This is awful! Have you tried the principal? If they won’t do anything then the police need to be involved. This is interfering with her education, the reason she is there in the first place. She should never have to deal with this bs. I’m so sorry for her. She should really be put in another class or pulled all together at this rate. It doesn’t sound like this particular school is a good facility.

1 Like

At this point you need to step in

1 Like

Talk with the parents first before getting everyone involved. Meet @ Mcdonalds or something talk with the kids & watch them interact. Y’all might become friends☺

Seriously this is not acceptable behaviour and the teachers should not be making light of it. He needs teaching what’s wrong and right now I dread to think what he will be like as he gets older otherwise. Your poor daughter xx

2 Likes

Contact both the principal and school board and tell them you will file harassment charges if they don’t fix it.

2 Likes

Would go to the school board, if this isn’t stopped this kid is going to progress to a sex offender

Kids parents. Psysically go up there and put boy in his place or have a male figure do it actually. Last resort, kids beat his a**.

1 Like

Go to the principal then reach out to superintendent. Put a stop to it. Do NOT let this go.

2 Likes

Nah…gone way too far!!! Go above the school and tell them this, this boy should have been taught not to lay his hands on anyone without their permission…male or female! Do what ever is needed to put a stop to it!

1 Like

Tell the school your gonna press charges against the boy and school if these things don’t stop

Report them higher. And then involve the police…

This is sexual harassment and should be 0 tolerant . Hit him where it hurts the most

The kid is crazy and you need to be doing more. Call the school board, police, district whatever to make them see that you’re not playing and this boy is a menace. Show up to the school if you have to, but this is way too much

Good God tag me in. This is fucking obscene and head would roll.

1 Like

You need to get to the school and speak up. Go above and beyond them if it won’t be solved.

1 Like

I remember a very similar situation happening to me when I was in the 4th grade. They boy eventually pantsed me on the monkey bars in front of everyone at recess. I had told my parents about it and the school never did a thing about it. Until my father told me it was my right to defend myself. I wound up kicking the boy between the legs. And of course that got the teacher’s attention. :roll_eyes: they then moved him into a different class and I’m pretty sure my parents met with the superintendent as well when the school tried to discipline me for it.

Super easy problem . talk to the principal about it have her change classes/rooms tell all this and say you don’t feel safe for your daughter to go to school if she is being harassed like this or else you will take it further to talk to someone else

1 Like

School board asap! Something needs to be done, just becauswle they’re young is not an excuse for his behavior! It can only get worse if this boy doesn’t learn that NO means NO! If it were my kids getting harassed by this kid. School board, Principles, Teachers his Parents l & Police would be involved! No one will touch my kids like that, especially if it makes them uneasy!

2 Likes

Get a restraining order put on the child. That means he can’t go near your daughter and your daughter is safe. I would also love my kids out of that school and to a different school.

I would always encourage my daughter that if a boy touches her without consent after she has already said no then she can kick him in the privates, hit him in the throat of hit him in the nose.

Call the cops on the child’s family and the school since you already let the school know what was going on and they did nothing. Get a lawyer as well if you can.

Go above the school now!! This is sexual assault and invading one’s personal space. I’d have confronted the boy and his parents by now myself and let them know the next step I’d be taking if it didn’t stop immediately.
Protecting your daughter is number one!!!

1 Like

Go to school board and I’d put her in martial arts classes. I always had this shit happening to me in school too and teachers don’t do shit. I dont understand what kind of fucked up world we live in when grown adults are letting this happen. I would of probably done smacked the teacher and the little boy. Something tells me he’s got something going on in his home life to behave like that cause wtf?

Write a detailed letter to the Board of Management of your School explaining your fears of his anger and false stories Let his Mother know about the problem quietly without any hassle if possible They are just so.young and innocent I’m sure his parents will understand and talk to him Hope it all goes well

Principal first thing.

I would be at that school first thing in the morning, to the principal and then bring the teacher in. But they would here me and my daughter first, and it would stop. It would stop.

You need to escalate to the principal and school board. Threaten to go to the local press. Schools HATE being in the local news for things

2 Likes

Honestly I would go to the police and get their advice. Unwanted touching that isn’t dealt with appropriately will end badly - for the boy and anyone else in his future.
Your daughter shouldn’t have to put up with it.
Police and remove from school for both of your kids if it isn’t resolved.

Go to the principal and the school superintendent. If it doesn’t stop then get police involved.

1 Like

A good beating will do him some good or a swift hard kick to the nuts…, once they get away with it the once it will always continue thankfully your child is more vocal about it but what’s about the next one who might not be so willing to voice what is going on as they have witnessed what happened to her and saw she got ignored.? Next time he might think twice before constantly trying to step over that line when that type of attention is not wanted…

1 Like

This is when you go to the school board, and make it public if need be. Schools seem to think they can just keep pushing these things forward and it will fix itself, guess what, they become adults after. Maybe even reach out to the boys parents.

A one to the nuts will change his mind, and, have a talk with the principal, and tell them if they don’t have a talk with the boy AND his parents, IN THE SCHOOL OFFICE, you’ll press charges.

Bet he stops.

2 Likes

That is absolutely awful and kind of scary , I will be calling the principal ,and ask for an immediate meeting with the teachers , the boys and his parents, I will request my daughter to be moved to another class if possible, and even check is the police or social service can make an intervention, unwanted touching is harassment and sexual assault

1 Like

As far as teaching your daughter: she has EVERY right to defend herself (including beating him up)!!! As far as the school: if your communication with the teacher was all via email, print it out & take it to the principal. Tell them you want a meeting with the teacher, the boy, and his parents. This boy is on his way to becoming a rapist! I know that may sound extreme, but it’s very likely… especially when the teacher is encouraging his behavior & encouraging her to accept it!

2 Likes

At that point, I give my daughter full permission to rock his sht🤷‍♀️ and I would like to contact the boys parents to let them know to either address the issues with their child or next time something happens inappropriately, I want to press charges

1 Like

Well since you have talked to the teachers and they have been no help, your next step is to go to the administration and if the building Administration doesn’t give you any help that you go to The District administration and if they don’t give you any help that you go to the school board and the school board doesn’t give you any help that you go to the media

2 Likes

Wow. Classic Narcissistic and Stalker learnt influence and behavior in family home. Red flag.

go to principal and let them know the teachers are not backing you up to make the boys stop if it continues homeschool them

We just had a talk with my daughters principal my daughter didn’t feel comfortable with her teacher as she was alway being mean to her so they changed her class and now my daughter doesn’t have to be around that’s teacher

1 Like

I would raise hell at the school. See the principle. If they don’t help go above. Maybe speak to the boys mother too and see if she is aware and willing to step in. But i would honestly raise holy hell if the principle, the mother or the teacher wont help. Name and shame the school on social media, go to the papers, this is unacceptable behaviour in the world we live in. Women/girls no longer have to stand for this crap😡

3 Likes

That’s scary by allowing him to continue only teaching him its ok to touch and do what he wants to girls . That going land him in jail when he gets older. I would definitely go to the principal.

Do not ! And I repeAt…DO NOT tell your daughter to hit him. This happened to my niece and the boys parents sued for assault and won! My niece had to go to anger management!

1 Like

My middle daughter will scream THIS IS MY BODY DON’T TOUCH IT! Very loud and she does not care who it is. Your daughter needs to stand up for her self. I bet who ever the superintendent over where she goes to school wouldn’t approve of your daughter being touched like that, if they don’t help…maybe the police

Can you imagine what that boys going to be like when he’s older :woman_facepalming:t2::roll_eyes: the parents probably don’t even care or he see that behavior at home but I’d put her in self defense classes and tell him to stop if he doesn’t she should take care of it herself :woman_shrugging:t2: if he gets his a$$ beat by a girl he might just drop it

I’m just here to say I’m praying for you and I have to get better at being mature about these kind of situations if they come up I’m still trying to go into the school and act a whole fool about my kids :weary: I’ll meet you right at the bus stop follow you home and check the momma in her face :woman_facepalming:t5: pray for me cause nah!

1 Like

Had this problem when my oldest was in 7th. School didn’t take it serious. He pushed her into the locker hard enough to dent it. I called a few moms found out what I needed and pulled up at his house to say hi to mom. Let her know I knew how to find her and would do to her what her spawn did to mine. No problem since. I will happily smile in that mugshot over mine. School told me that I should of kept it School business. It’s not…my child. MY business

I would talk to his parents

Take that to the principal and if he’s not going to do anything go to the school board

1 Like