Something Bizarre and Concerning Happened at My Child's Preschool: Advice?

QUESTION:

"Today the preschool director told me that my daughter was separated from the group by an elderly female teacher assistant. Apparently, my daughter remembered that she was going to drive a different car today (not her regular car) and started walking my daughter through the parking lot.

When the main teacher asked where they were going, she said she was going to show her the car. The teacher went and told the director, and when they got back, the director questioned my daughter. Apparently, the assistant told my daughter to tell the main teacher it was a secret.

The director told my daughter that we don’t keep secrets and that she’s not in trouble but needed to explain what happened. My daughter was adamant to her (and to me) that she did not go in the car, and it was literally just to see the elderly assistant’s son’s sports car that she drove for the day.

I was told it was being investigated, and termination is on the table. Curious as to how you guys feel about this. Seems obvious to me. Who in their right mind separates a child from the rest of the group then says to keep it a secret?"

RELATED QUESTION: What are some questions should I ask when visiting preschools?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“Absolutely grounds for termination. If I was the lead teacher, I would have taken the child’s hand and not let her go. Anytime I served as lead teacher, what I said goes, can’t imagine any of my assistants ever walking a child out to the parking lot.”

“Safe adults don’t ask children to keep secrets.”

“I wouldn’t be sending my daughter back if or until that adult was gone. Period. There are too many shady people in this world, & I would never take the chance. I think that management handled the incident well, & would give them the opportunity to fire her or not. If they didn’t, my daughter wouldn’t be back.”

“Just because they’re old or female doesn’t mean they can’t kidnap or do any wrong. That’s definitely creepy & scary. Especially the secret part. That’s how adults get away with things towards kids because kids don’t want to get in trouble for telling a secret.”

“Nope!!! Absolutely not!! Not okay in my eyes! Nothing about this situation gives me a warm fuzzy feeling!! Sounds like the teacher and director did a good job but I would go as far as to follow up with the investigation frequently and possibly report this to the cops. It’s sad that this is the world we live in and you cannot trust anyone.”

“Termination is on the table? It would be immediate and Id be in there raising hell to see this woman! Call the police.”

“No one in their right mind does that. At the very least/most innocent possibility she is senile and should not be working with children. I’ve had students carry stuff for me to my car, but it was during a time period when other adults were outside and I was parked by the front door and several students went together while others waited on them. Also, they just set the boxes by the car. They didn’t in any way get in.”

“The assistant could have just taken a picture or video of the car. Teachers, assistants, daycare workers, etc. all know VERY WELL what they are and aren’t allowed to do. This is dangerous. I would demand termination.”

“Even if she’s not up to anything sinister, she’s severely lacking in judgment and it needs dealing with.”

“I would definitely recommend your daughter talk to a counselor and also do not give up till that teacher is terminated.”

“Obviously you know the answer. Not sure what the question is? Lol if it’s a matter of what to do. Don’t send your child back until that person is gone. If the preschool doesn’t take it serious enough to file a formal complaint with the county/state, I would.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

2 Likes

No one in their right mind does that. At the very least/most innocent possibility she is senile and should not be working with children.

I’ve had students carry stuff for me to my car, but it was during a time period when other adults were outside and I was parked by the front door and several students went together while others waited on them.

Also they just set the boxes by the car. They didn’t in anyway get in.

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I would be livid and looking for a new preschool.

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No ma’am.
Eff that!
She could have taken a picture to show the kid.
I would go so far as to get the police involved.
Too many red flags!!

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Nope she would have my foot in her butt

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If she doesn’t show up for work tomorrow she was going to kidnap the kid and got caught.

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I wouldn’t be sending my daughter back if or until that adult was gone. Period. There are too many shady people in this world, & I would never take the chance. I think that management handled the incident well, & would give them the opportunity to fire her or not. If they didn’t, my daughter wouldn’t be back.

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I work in a school setting, that’s not right at all. And really weird

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Nope!!! That’s a big HELL NOOOOO !!! :triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post:

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All the red flags are present here. I would go for more than termination.

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That’s fucking creepy as fuck! Innocent or not. It’s common sense!

Why the fuck are u questioning this AT ALL?? She was a trusted adult taking ur child to a “secret” location n ur questioning whether its right or wrong?!!

No and let them know she is not to be in her care at all .

There’s a saying. Adults don’t tell kids to keep secrets. I live by that.

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Obviously you know the answer. Not sure what the question is ? Lol if it’s a matter of what to do. Dont send your child back until that person is gone. If the pre school doesn’t take it serious enough to file a formal complaint with the county/state, I would.

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This lady would not be working near my child and other parents would fully be aware

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Sue.
And it sounds like kidnapping
Or attempt.

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I would contact police

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Termination is on the table? It would be immediate and Id be in there raising hell to see this woman! Call the police.

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Police station contact and her ass fired. This person should be flagged. Momma bear would be full rage. Lucky I was not there wow you have not seen psycho yet bc this momma would be going nuts. May get self arrested

So I’d pissed. I could ALMOST say maybe it was just an old person kinda slip up but that “keep it a secret” shit seals the deal

HOLLYYYYYYYY SHIT termination needs to be like for SURE. I would threaten a lawsuit if they don’t. And I wild also question the school as to why she was able to go as far as walking her to the car. Like WHAT :exploding_head::exploding_head:

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Not my child and I’m FUMING!

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Weird! Def needs to be fired

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ABSOLUTELY INAPPROPRIATE.

MY mom bells are going hard on this one. Follow your gut here. It seems like the director is handling it well, still, I wouldn’t send my baby back until that teacher was completely removed. I agree with another comment…if she doesn’t show up tomorrow, she bounced and that’s suspicious af.

How are the security measures there? Would she be able to just walk back in? In that case, I’d be school searching.

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Summer Skye Elder read this scary bs. But also maybe anxiety trigger for you so tread lightly

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And, if it were me, I would contact the police.

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No not a chance can that happen very very weird!!!

Wowwwwww… the secret part is super scary …

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Nope!!! Absolutely not!! Not okay in my eyes! Nothing about this situation gives me a warm fuzzy feeling!! Sounds like the teacher and director did a good job but I would go as far as to follow up with the investigation frequently and possibly report this to the cops. It’s sad that this is the world we live in and you cannot trust anyone.

6 Likes

Even if she’s not up to anything sinister, she’s severely lacking in judgement and it needs dealing with.

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Would tell them I wouldn’t send my daughter back unless I had assurances that she was safe and keep her off until she’s been removed from the building

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Absolutely grounds for termination. If I was the lead teacher, I would have taken the child’s hand and not let her go. Anytime I served as lead teacher, what I said goes, can’t imagine any of my assistants ever walking a child out to the parking lot.

22 Likes

Well thats a pedofile I would be enraged and I would demand termination also every parent at that daycare should be notified of the biggest misstep you can take as a child care worker

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Sounds like kidnapping to me

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Even if she wasn’t about to do something sketchy she clearly has awful common sense and I would not her watching my child.

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That’s dodgy as I’d be pissed

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I would call the police for an attempted kidnapping! My child wouldn’t return.

You have certain expectations at that daycare. What if she drove away with your child? You were attempting to pick her up? Do they have cameras?

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Oh hell no. Attempt to do something right there. Hope she is safe and ok. This world is so scary. I’m sorry momma but im glad the lady was there to say this isnt right. And it isnt right by any means. That person should he fired in the spot and investigated. Prayers for yall. :sob:

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Wtf first show all the kids, second no adult should tell a child it’s a secret.

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The second she took your child out that door without you’re knowledge, kidnapping! And goodness knows what else if shes asking her too lie and keep a secret something shady asf happened.

I would call the police.
Demand termination of that assistant.
Then have a little conversation with that women and get to the point on why she felt the need to single out my child and possibly knock her socks off.

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Just because they’re old or female doesn’t mean they can’t kidnap or do any wrong. That’s definitely creepy & scary. Especially the secret part. That’s how adults get away with things towards kids because kids don’t want to get in trouble for telling a secret.

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Idk about laws about where you’re at, but where I’m at she violated several child care laws by doing that. I would hire an attorney and demand she be terminated. I’d also be adamant that she never be able to work in child care again. Even if nothing happened this time, it’s very unprofessional and unacceptable to have acted that way. She could have taken off with your child or many other horrible things.

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If the woman had ill intentions, termination won’t do jack squat. Your child is already familiar with her and already felt safe enough to go check out her car alone. I’d contact the police.

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I would want her fired, why not tell the main teacher beforehand what the plan was? It might have been innocent but in today’s climate the teachers assistant should know better.

4 Likes

I would have the police, child psychologist question your daughter. They have a specialist, to get the information from your child.

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Oh hell no! A police report should be made of the incident. Nothing will probably happen but at least is there for further reference if needed

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Nope. Done. The person needs to be reported to authorities. Would not take my child back to the center…period.

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Hell no she gotta go. Thank God your daughter is safe. I wouldn’t let her go back until she’s gone.

Children are taught to trust teachers but we need to teach children some things are not okay. School board would be notified and people would no longer ever be around my child.

Nope, I would loose my mind. That is not acceptable

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Id contact the police.

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The assistant could have just taken a picture or video of the car.
Teachers, assistants, daycare workers etc. all know VERY WELL what they are and aren’t allowed to do. This is dangerous. I would demand termination

6 Likes

No no no, absolutely not ok and that teacher should be terminated. I worked with preschoolers for ten years and would never dream of asking them to keep a secret.

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Your daughter needs to talk to someone wether it be a counselor or someone with the police department who specializes in this and you need to do that before too much time passes. If something odd did happen the more time that goes by or the more people she hears talking about it her story could change. Her truth needs to be on record somewhere even if it was nothing

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call state licensing and file a complaint.

Get the police involved this is bigger than a school issue.

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I would definitely recommend your daughter talk to a counselor and also do not give up till that teacher is terminated.

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Hell no!! I’d be causing so many problems. Not with just the school but the entire board and would DEFINITELY GET POLICE CALLED!! This has so many red flags. I’m so sorry you’re family is going through this!

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Something wrong here

Wouldn’t take my kid back till it was figured out and she was gone.

SAFE ADULTS DONT ASK TO KEEP SECRETS! Sorry for the caps but its that important. I’ve even stopped keeping regular aunt secrets for my neice and nephew for this reason and covering for them ( ie. They let the dog eat som

6 Likes

Why not show all the kids🤔

Have you had talk with your daughter? To find out the ‘secret’? Or have another trusted friend/relative ask?

I hope that nothing occurred. Everybody in this group has your back for an alibi if you learn something DID happen

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That is what i would call grooming! Testing a child to see what secrets they will keep.

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The teacher should have grabbed her first instead of going to tell the director and leaving the child with that assistant.

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Id report it to the police and if they don’t terminate her id switch schools

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This sounds like grooming. It feels like she was trying to establish trust in leaving the group with her. Even if nothing happened this time, it would likely happen later. Fight for your daughter

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I’d be absolutely pissed and glad she’s being fired! That’s NOT ok at all! Report to the police ASAP!
I was a preschool teacher and I can say for absolute darn sure that is NOT OK at all and not normal!!!

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Instant Termination. So many red flags!!!

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I would get police involved. I would also make sure that I would reiterate that nobody is supposed to touch her inappropriately along with no secrets that secrets are bad when it comes to telling mommy. That it’s always okay to tell mommy anything. Also, I believe she was in the process of taking your child and got caught!!! There’s no way in hell I would let this go nor would I keep quiet!!! Raise your immortal hell and make sure they know mama bear will fuck you up! Sorry, not sorry. No mama in their right mind would let that go!!! It would not even be up for discussion! I would want to know why is she telling my daughter it’s a secret. Why the hell is she even taking my daughter to her vehicle. Why did she separate my daughter from the rest of them kids. What the hell was she doing for anything to be a secret?! Yeah, my daughter would NOT go back to that school until she was gone and my daughter’s safety was guaranteed :woman_shrugging:

Sounds like really bad choice of words. She only looked at a car weird maybe. But an older woman may not have meant any harm. They came back the child didnt get in. Let the school work it out. But talk to your child one on one no pressure. Its sad we as parents have to guard every little thing these days. But i do not see a reason to sue the school, they are investigating the incident as they should.

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Why wouldn’t you show all the kids a “cool” car?

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Yea I’d be calling the police straight up and I wouldn’t be sending her until the woman involved is gone from the centre

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I would maybe believe it was early signs of dementia if it wasn’t for the fact she has said to keep it a secret that is just wrong.a I would be absolutely fuming if this was my kid and tbh I think I would be contacting the police in fact I think the school should be the ones contacting them and if they don’t then you defo should x

Do you know parents of other kids there? I would let all parents know. Just Incase

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Omg … my heart is racing rn! Im so pissed for you!!!
Report to police, switch schools immediately.

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Nope somethings wrong with this picture there’s no reason an adult should be separating a child from the group and telling said child to keep secrets that assistant needs to be terminated immediately. This child needs to be interviewed by a person who’s able to work with children to find out if abuse has happened. Your child should be seen by a special Dr to asses weather or not they’ve been touched inappropriately.

That’s a huge no for me.

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The teacher should have never walked away without your kid!!

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Id be fuming. Report it to the police as well. That should have been grounds for immediate termination.

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May be worth filing a police report

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WHOA inappropriate!!! She should be terminated. I would NEVER trust someone with mt child who told them to keep a secret.

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How old is the lady? Could have been just a motherly action and she said keep it a secret so the other kids don’t get jealous. Without knowing more its hard to say if its malicious or innocent

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That’s weird sounds like grooming

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There is no reason for your child to have been in said parking lot with anyone other than you (or someone you’ve sent) EVER unless for say a fire drill… what if the other teacher hasn’t caught them?!?
She should have already been terminated… it shouldn’t just be on the table.
I work as an assistant director of a preschool, and I unfortunately would be pulling my child (I have done it before) for situations that have happened.
You’ve lost your piece of mind, and that isn’t replaceable.

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Pedophiles tell children to keep secrets.

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teacher should have NEVER walked away without ur daughter. I wouldn’t sue the school they are investigating the incident. why not show all the kids if it was just showing a Sports Car? No ADULT should ask any child to keet a secret. Have you spoke to ur daughter and maybe she will tell you what happened? what the secret is? I would Call the police aswell! I WOULD BE going NUTS!

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When you leave the child in school it’s the responsibility of the staff to follow safety rules and ensure your child doesn’t leave the premises without you. The elderly teacher may have been really just showing your daughter the car but she should have known better, taking a child away from their class is a strict NO!
If I were you I’d wait for the investigation to be completed and in the meanwhile ask the school to not let that teacher near the children.

Any adult telling children about keeping “secrets” is up to no good :expressionless::face_with_monocle::face_with_monocle:

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So suspicious!! I am shocked by this assistants behavior and she needs to be fired.

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Sorry she’d get her ass beat and I’d take a charge for beating the fuck out of an old person :woman_shrugging:t2:. Separated my child, told her to keep a secret, might not even get fired. Well she gone get an ass beating at minimum

How sickening that must be for you, of the what ifs. Good thing she was caught. I would be out of my mind sick and livid. I would take it to the extreme. Sickening suspicious. Red flag!

My child would NOT be returning to that facility, ever!!

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I would be very angry and concerned

I feel that the teacher or whatever should know what world we live in right now and should know something like that would be questioned. I would be worried as a parent for sure.

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I’d take her to a someone who specializes in children and make sure

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Cant trust this situation. Needs to be fired. Please dont overlook this…could very well happen again with different ending !

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I would ask for a meeting with the assistant the teacher the principal the superintendent and my daughter and get to he bottom of this secret. Not only would my baby not go back to that school but the assistant would feel my wrath.

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Take your child to the dr to be examined and make a report

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She had bad intentions, make sure to document this and as many details possible. I’d stay cautious in public.

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