I’ve been seeing this guy for almost 10 months now and it’s been going great. We have a great time together we laugh we joke and it’s all round enjoyable. He’s always been secretive with his phone and his life from day dot, but even if it’s just messaging his dad (and I’ve seen it genuinely is). Lately he’s been more secretive than ever and never opens WhatsApp in front of me anymore and I know he still goes on it. I’m start thinking that he’s sleeping with other women as he goes to the gym a lot but I’d like to think I give him everything at home! He definatley doesn’t go short. I then question if there something wrong with me as I’m the same woman he goes to bed with every night. Help a mama out please ladies xxx
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I trust him? - Mamas Uncut
It doesn’t matter if you’ve known someone for a few weeks or your entire life😒if they’re secretive with their phone there’s a reason.
Alot of advice here is from ladies who have been hurt, and have good reasons to not be as trustworthy as others … he may just like to have his privacy, and he has every right to it… It doesn’t mean he lives a second Life, it could mean something as simple as his in a porn pic group or his mates talk about crazy stuff and in-house jokes, and he is happy to keep that separate… Don’t assume you know what’s happening based on others advice, have the conversation with him, make it known how you feel and why you asking him
The advice on here most of the time is childish garbage.
Don’t just leave.
Relationships are about communication.
Maybe he does have a secret, In which case you owe it to yourself to talk to him about it and find out.
Or maybe he doesn’t even realise he is doing anything wrong - again communication would clear that up.
Regardless, be an adult and have a conversation. You should be able to openly communicate your feelings and boundaries with someone and If you can’t do that simple task with your partner then you need to figure out why.
Not everything is always so sinister, and if it is- well then you go.
I so believe in going with your gut feelings - they have NEVER let me down before…stupidly I have ignored them in the past at my own detroment cause they proved right all along…what is yours telling You…??
Girl…its not you …its him …i went through that with my ex … If he’s being secretive than that’s on him not you … Frankly I’m tired of the lying and the secretiveness. That’s why after 10 years he is now my ex …
Do you really wanna be feeling like this just 10 months in? If the answer if no then bin him off. Everyone deserves someone who is not gonna make them feel like they’re hiding anything
Trust your instincts if it doesn’t feel right it probably isn’t
Here’s a crazy idea! Why not just talk to him? Shit. If you can’t do that then what’s the point?!
Moved in way to soon. He’s got his cake at home. But still eats out. Move out asap.
Why are we women conditioned to automatically think things are our fault. If you you find out your partner is stepping out then he’s the creep and been screwing people over forever. That’s THEIR flaw NOT YOURS.
There is nothing wrong with you it is him. He is being secretive and not being totally honest. Have you tried talking to him openly about it all? If he is doing this 10 months in, he will do it as long as you are together. Cheating is just not physical, there is cheating through emotional etc. My ex would often speak to women and quickly hang up if I got home or went out the back for some reason. He would also be looking at disgusting sites, he always got angry when questioned or mentioned them.
At the end of the day you need to follow your gut.
I’m sorry to have to tell you this but no, do not trust him. Definitely, definitely not.
Talk to him about it! All the negative comments on here are just feeding your anxiety. If you don’t get a straight answer then you have your answer. I hope it’s nothing and you get it sorted but I think it’s unfair to label all men the same. There are idiots out there who hurt women which has been in my experience why I can’t seem to find a good relationship. Everybody has baggage of some sort, unfortunately it moves on to the next relationship as the walls are already built. Good luck, I hope its nothing and it works out for you.
I understand questioning why he does it but you can’t automatically assume he is cheating on you. First of all it’s his phone, his privacy, and invading it isn’t fair, just like if he were to read you diary because you hide it.
His privacy may mean lot to him. Maybe he is discussing proposing to you with his dad. Maybe he is buying you a ring and asking his dad for advice.
Maybe he just doesn’t think you have the right to look in on his private messages to the people he is texting.
Just cause he is secretive, doesn’t mean he is cheating
Insecurity can damage a relationship! If he is doing something trust and believe it will soon come into the light! Stay on top of your health check-ups
Don t turn to social media for your relationship…these bitter Betty’s will have u jumping ship over a simple fix…
Trust your instincts girl
Offer to go to the gym with him and see how he reacts. If he stammers around and gets defensive then you know he’s up to something. Go from there. Try to have an open discussion. Discuss how you feel but try to phrase it in a way that it’s not an attack on him. Above all things, trust your gut instinct as it’s there for a reason. If you’re having to play detective 10 months in, maybe it’s time to bail.
I was married for 38 years. When his phone became private, our marriage was over………. There’s a reason for your phone becoming private and it’s time to move on.
I would say trust your gut instincts if u feel he is hiding something then yes he probably is, all you can do is ask him outright but at the end of the day there is clearly some trust issues going on here and a relationship with these issues and the doubt in your mind u need to ask yourself will this relationship work
Respectfully, it went from " he won’t open his whatsapp in front of me " to " I think he’s sleeping with other girls when he’s going to the gym". How does this happen? Are there more details? I can’t say not opening apps in front of you is cheating, and why do you think he’s hooking up when going to the gym? How are you connecting the dots?
A guy who hides his phone/apps is hiding something, I’m the type to have a look when he’s sleeping… Life’s to short to be wondering
Gut instincts when it comes to this kind of thing. You could be wrong. But why is he not open
Mine lied through his teeth and further to me for almost 4 years. Sexting, cheating, voyeurism…you name it he was doing it. Trust your instincts, mine were correct. Secretive anythings are red flags hun. I threw mine out and boy is he sorry.
It’s very simple. ‘honey I’m feeling a little insecure in our relationship, I feel like you are hiding something from me’ he can then explain himself. Also ask to go to the gym with him. He might be buffing himself up for you because he’s feeling insecure. Stop building up scenarios or what it’s. Speak to him
But he was like this from day one and you still got with him. I don’t understand why people choose their partners with certain qualities then complain about those qualities. It is more understandable if this is something new and you were not aware of it but you knew, got with him and now is a problem? I think you should talk to him about it. He might be hiding something. 10 months is not enough time to really get to know someone, I think we never get to know someone completely anyways.
My ex was like this he wasn’t cheating on me and he never did. He was actually up to some shady dealings with buying and selling weed. So he could be doing something shady that isn’t cheating or it could be nothing. Best thing you can do sit him down and confront him calmly and in a non accusing manner and ask him what’s going on.
If someone is secretive with their phone, I’m sorry that would make me want to look and think what are they trying to hide? Me and my fiance have been together for near on 11 years and we use each others phones as there’s nothing there to see. He wouldn’t even flinch if I was to touch his phone xx
Talk to him about it. But if he’s making excuses, gets overly offended you asked, etc then more than likely he is hiding something. Almost always there is something he’s hiding. Going through issues with my husband now and possible divorce. He was talking to dozens of women on social media and always on his phone and hiding stuff. Then he ended up having a tinder abd having met 2 women offline. One ended up physical. Part of being a couple is being transparent
In my opinion, and this is just “my opinion”, I think women give up the goods too soon. I believe it causes the men to wonder what’s different and the women to get irrationally and over emotional.
Keep your goods, stay calm, watch and pray.
It doesn’t matter if you should trust him if you CAN’T trust him. It doesn’t sound like you will ever be able to make yourself comfortable with his secretive ways, even if he isn’t doing anything wrong. My hubs and I aren’t secretive at all. We also don’t go through each other’s stuff. If my husband put a password on his accounts, I wouldn’t know, because I don’t check them. If he switched apps when I walked in the room, I wouldn’t know, because I’m not trying to figure out what he’s doing. My hubs does walk into a different room or outside to have phone conversations because he feels it’s polite. And if I was constantly checking up on him, he probably would end up acting more secretive because everyone likes having a little bit of privacy. I have no idea if your bf is cheating on you or if he ever would cheat on you, but I do know you will never have a healthy relationship (with anyone) if you don’t trust your partner.
I’ve been married for 12yrs, I knew my husband was texting other women at various times in our marriage. I thought he’d stopped. Hes impotent so a lot of it was him boosting his poor self esteem. I’ve lost my mum & my brother recently & hes chosen now to start messing about again. Hes met someone else, started taking Viagra, which didn’t work for us & we’re splitting up.
Hes always had his phone on silent, guards it with his life. Think long & hard about ur relationship, ur the one who will get hurt.
Going to the gym doesn’t mean they are cheating
Have you tried talking to him about it?
Communication is key if you want a relationship to work, bring up what bothers you talk about it.
All you can do is talk to him about it. It’s really up to you if you feel like you can trust him because in the end you’re the one dating this guy not us.
So many red flags since day one and you still stayed? If he was secretive since then, then “Dad” was probably never really Dad. I truly believe you need to leave a.s.a.p.
You know what, I was the same way with my wife at first , I guarded my phone , I think it’s more of comfort having something as your own, I never had anything to hide ,
You may want to ask him about it , my wife had access to the ins and out of my phone , I have nothing to hide , I don’t cheat ,
I’ve told my wife , I don’t cheat if I did I would never have wasted your time and mine and got married
I would just straight up ask him why he is secretive and tell him it makes you feel insecure.
Communication is key.
Why the secrecy, your in a relationship if he cannot be open and honest then ditch it’s not worth the stress and anxiety.
If you have to ask then you probably shouldn’t trust him
Things are not going great if you feel so much anxiety. If you want a future with this guy there needs to be 100% transparency on both sides. You can’t communicate your feelings and he hides his phone. I am not sure of your age but it’s not a mature relationship that has a future at this point. You can be together and still be strangers. What are the choices? It’s totally up to you in which direction this goes. It’s almost a year now and the longer you wait the harder it’s going to be to open up or break up. Things must change in regards to withholding personal things for you to have the relationship you deserve.
It could be that he went through a really bad relationship in the past where the girl kept going through his phone or tried to control him. Now he’s learned to be secretive bc of that.
Is he a secretive person in any other ways? Like have you met his family & friends or know stuff about him (personal details, childhood, hobbies, etc.)?
If he’s usually secretive about stuff then I’d say something happened in the past to cause this behaviour. If it’s only about his phone, I’d straight up ask him like an adult why he’s doing it?
It seems Phones and Gyms are the new mistresses of the 21st Century.
You’re expecting a Renaissance Man, in the 21st Century.
Good Luck with that one!
If you feel like this now, you clearly need to talk to him frankly and have a heart to heart. There will be lots of comments saying to bin him but really it’s him you should be talking to not randoms on the Internet.
If your gut is telling you something is wrong the it probably is
I’d talk to him about it. Maybe ask to see the app if it’s something that bothers you. If he say’s no or blows up and hides it than there’s a problem. Just tell him you feel like he’s being secretive and it’s leading you to think that maybe he’s talking to other people. If he cares about you he should be able to show you or change his behavior… if it persists than take it from there.
Hard to tell from not seeing it firsthand but it sounds suspicious. I’d maybe talk to them about it? See if they’ll let you check it and they can look at yours. Explain to them why and maybe they can give some answers?
Trust and openness are key. If it’s not there, get out fast!
If someone is sincere they don’t have secrets. My mother said why don’t you lie? I said no. She said we wish u would lie. ? I am here if u need to talk.
I will text myself on my cp and start replying and acting excitedly in front of him. Carry on from his reaction hehe.
Always assume they are dating other people unless the conversation of exclusivity was had.
Red flag. Follow your gut feeling and talk to him about it
How do you know he’s all legal.
Speak to him if nothing changes then you need to decide if he is right for you x
If you feel there has to be a point where you have to check his phone, then its time to walk away.
Ten months in around you his phone should have no secrets, no passwords, wide open. Run
Follow your gut . Your intuition will never ever steer you wrong . Get out while you can
I didn’t even read it.
No secrets… you must have trust.
Trust your gut. Not sure? Watch dirty John on Netflix and then decide.
Leave now. Do not sleep with people who you suspect are sleeping with others… it’s dangerous.
If you don’t like how secretive he is now, he isn’t gnna change and it will drive you bonkers the longer your together. I wouldn’t wanna deal with a secretive person cuz that’s just games.
Why is it that when something happens yall are so quick to sus someone in the most negative scenario ever
Was there any communication that you two are exclusive? “Seeing” someone is different than being exclusive. If you never had this conversation, you may think you are exclusive, and he may think you are just dating. If that is the case, he may be hiding his phone out of respect of you not seeing other women he is also dating.
use your common sense… even a kid can easily answer your stupid question!
Please, get the hell outta there
Ignore all of the “leave his ass” type comments here & open the door to communication! You can express your worries without actually accusing him of any wrongdoing x
Trust wt ur gut tells uits always right
I would just be honest with him and ask in a nice and respectful way. Usually if you feel something is off then it usually is. My husband leaves his phone laying around all the time. He doesn’t care if I go on it. We both had ex spouses that always guarded their phone. There was a reason why. If I started guarding my phone hell yeah he would ask me same wirh him.
You already live together and apparently have been for awhile and it hasn’t even been a year yet? That first year is to figure out if you are gonna make it, and if you want a future. Maybe he’s getting cold feet cuz y’all moved forward so fast.
Well u dont trust him
Because you don’t trust yourself wat your worth as a person. In my opinion,when we go into relationships means we share ourselves to others.
We share our character, attitude etc. Everything so then u still need self awareness and self worth
Trust your intuition. You already know the answer. Without trust you have friends with benefits not a long term relationship.
If you have a gut suspicion, usually it is true.
Oh heck no. Secretive with phone = secret life.
His phone is not your property. Straight up.
Does he live in Indiana? He sounds alot like the cheater I got rid of a few years ago
“Oh no my boyfriend doesn’t message people around me and goes to the gym, he’s definitely cheating on me”
No wonder men love being left alone nowadays if that’s how easy it is to make a woman think they’re cheating
Never assume you’re the problem #1- a man will cheat if he is going to cheat. There is nothing you can do or say or wear or think or what everrrer to change that. It is not your fault.
2- talking to him would be a good place to start. Let him know you feel he is secretive and that it is making you question your trust in him. Ask him for reassurance and tell him you are worried. Be honest, its hard and uncomfortable but its a great foundation to build something serious on. It’s also what will determine if he is genuine about his feelings and care towards you. I did this in the beginning of my relationship and my partner took the time to reassure me and understood i was coming from a place of fear which only could have ment i had great vulnerability and love for him. He even offered to let me go through his phone. so try you have nothing to lose. If his reaction is defensive or unkind or negative then that would be a red flag for me.
3-if you know his password straight up go through his phone and skip everything else, always trust your gut. I also did this once. I was open and honest and met with lies and dishonesty so as soon as he fell asleep, dumbdumb gave me his phone code months ago, BAM i found messages with other women hidden in the spam section of his messenger.
Its weird that he is hiding his family ? Maybe its a cultural thing? But maybe his family is a bunch of whackjobs too, please keep us posted!
If you suspect he might be cheating he is.Why the secrecy?He want his cake and eat it too. No matter you give him everything he wants more some men just like that some women too.
His phone is private. Trust more and worry less.
Best thing you can do is Ask him. You have a right to know. I’d a done been to that gym lol. Just me😂
It’s called loose association and it’s when you make connections and draw conclusions between things that make no rational sense. It’s a symptom of mental illness but many others suffer from it too.
Girl these guys are little sneaky hoes on their phones, even if they are not physically acting on it… Also their is nothing wrong with you because he’s an asshole & needs validation from multiple women to feel like a man…
Leave him !! It will only get worse. You deserve better. Respect yourself.
Do not ask the internet for help with your relationship. Most ppl here are scorned and the only answer, to every situation, is to leave… try talking to each other instead. If he gets real defensive and doesn’t give you an answer well, then you have your answer.
He very well may be cheating but then again it may be nothing at all. Once the newness of a relationship starts wearing off, things change a bit and you start noticing little things bc it’s no longer sunshine and rainbows 24/7 but that doesn’t mean something is wrong. The leap from him not opening an app in front of you to him cheating bc he goes to the gym a lot is a large leap. Slow down, breathe, and think then communicate with him.
So many man haters…y’all are perfect angels sent straight from Heaven
Khyun Shee Lim careful not to text in private and go to the gym a lot, else you’re a cheating lying bastard
Your gut never lies to you!
How long were you dating before he moved. In ?
He’s probably a spy and a thief.
Look for something and you’ll find it. Be it good or bad. Mind ur business first off. Second, why don’t u just ask? People are silly, you claim to have all this and all that, but you can’t even ask a simple question…if he is messing around it’s likely because you don’t trust him so why bother? If you give trust, and find out through no fault of ur own that he’s not loyal, then you can feel some type of way. But right now you don’t trust him with your relationship, so why should he trust in it? Women have lost compassion and we need that in order to learn to be vulnerable. You don’t provide a place where that is ok anymore. So we don’t learn how.
get evidence before you convict him. he may just be insecure.
He may have some issues with privacy and his phone, maybe from a previous relationship in which he felt it hard to be on his phone so openly in front of a partner. As a guy who has been in this situation before Might be worth asking the question?
May not be his dad messaging. He could have just put “Dad” so if he gets a text u won’t be suspicious. Listen to ur gut instinct. If u think and feel he may be cheating… he most likely is
You have been “seeing”this guy for 10 months but it sounds like you are living with him since he goes to bed with you every night. 10 months is hardly long to build a relationship. Your trust issues are getting in the way. Maybe you should seek some professional help so that you can communicate better . He just might be totally innocent and your suspicions unwarranted.
95% of the comment from a women are literally saying throw it away cause dude wants his privacy. I bet you anything NONE of yall let anyone touch your phone. And have personal things in your life that you keep to yourself. Lol. The hypocrisy is real here.