Long story short, I had a four-week fling with somebody who used me till he got back with his ex. I have messaged and called to let him know about this bundle of joy (I’m almost 12 weeks now), and he suggested I abort, which won’t be happening; I guess my question is, do you put him on the birth certificate and give him rights later on down the track to the baby or do I wipe my hands clean of the monstrosity and not claim child support?
My daughter found herself in a similar situation. She figured she would be better off not putting him on the birth certificate and gave my grand daughter our last name. And if my granddaughter ever asks about him when she’s older she said she will tell her about him, in ways the baby will understand depending on age.
You get the best of both worlds, you keep him off the birth certificate, you decide if the baby gets good last name though personally I wouldn’t, you get him to resign any rights, but you can still get child support.
No, if he doesn’t want to be a part of your child’s life then don’t force him.
I would definitely keep his name written down somewhere in case your child wants to look up their family history. Also, if you do get married and your spouse wants to adopt, it would be a lot harder to do so.
Wipe your hands clean of him. It’ll save you a lot of heartache in the long run. Raise your baby without his help.
I’ve been there. My BD and I weren’t together when my daughter was born but I still wanted him to be a part of our child’s life. He was fine with that. But now that he’s on there I have to get him to sign off on a lot of things. One example trying to get my daughter a passport to go visit family this summer. I need his signature since he’s a “legal” parent. He isn’t really in the picture right now and it’s difficult to even get a hold of him. Same for when I was filling out school forms. My kid is going into kindergarten. So id think about the disadvantages too of if you put him on there then he completely leaves the picture.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I put my childs father on the birth certificate? - Mamas Uncut
He can always be added later, I would leave him off. The baby has who they need to love them and raise them, and that’s whose name goes on the birth certificate
Your only 12 weeks , he just found out … his initial shock prob is abort…. Id wait and see if he warms up to the pregnancy and make that decision a lil down the road
I put my kid’s biofather on the birth certificate and now my husband can’t adopt my oldest even though that’s what my oldest wants.
Leave him off and raise your baby on your own…best decision I ever made…
I don’t know where you are located, but in the state of Texas a father can’t be added without a signature unless you are married.
I’d give the baby your last name and don’t put him on the birth certificate. If it means anything to him later on down the line he can pay for those things. And if you want support all that’s needed is a DNA test.
In my state you can name the father but if you aren’t married or if he doesn’t sign the affidavit of parentage he won’t go on the birth certificate.
As for later if he wants to be involved it’s his right to be but he then needs to petition the courts & they will order a DNA test. You also have the option of petitioning the courts at any time to get child support but it’s the same process.
I wouldn’t put him on there. It was a fling and he’s obviously not ready for a child since he told you to get an abortive.
Regardless if he’s on the birth certificate or not that doesn’t take away his rights or have anything to do with child support .
If he for sure doesn’t want to be a father, by all means don’t make him. Women get that choice, men should as well.
No. Save his information for when your child is grown and let them decide how they want to handle it.
In Wyoming if you aren’t married you have to have a document notarized to add a father
Leave him off if you plan on raising baby on your own, he doesnt want to be involved. He can be added later and in my state if you seek child support they will do a DNA test and add him automatically. At this point I would just leave him out of it.
Leave him off. Best decision Ever made. If he steps up you can change it later, and if not, you won’t be legally bound.
Yes put him in so he’ll have to pay support don’t be silly you will regret it
My daughter’s father did NOT sign the BC. When she was a year and a half old he requested a paternity test and supervised visitation. He was never put on the BC after that either and she’s 12 now and has seen him every other weekend and sometimes every weekend since she was almost 2.
I wouldn’t put him on the BC.
I wouldn’t ask him for anything. He made it clear he doesn’t want anything to do the baby! I’d raise the child by myself and leave him out of everything like he wants.
Sometimes that’s just what’s best for mom and baby
Good luck! You’ll be in my prayers for a happy healthy pregnancy and baby
well no he just clearly used you until he could get back with his GF (your words) so why would you even want to deal with the jerk
the cs isn’t worth it. cut losses and don’t put him on it, if he wants to be a dad he can do it himself.
In ga he can only be on the birth certificate if he signs or married to you… So depends on where you live… If he’s not willing to sign then he probably won’t be on it anyway
California went out the father on the birth certificate unless he’s present at the birth
I’d give her a hyphenated last name.
No. The reason I say this is it will cause legal issues later.
I was with my sons father when I gave birth. However he was unable to be at the birth because he was in treatment. I wasn’t allowed to put him on the birth certificate because he wasn’t there to physically sign it. (I’m in jersey) not sure what rules are for other states.
I would leave him off as if he’s on it he can take your baby and there is nothing the police can do you have to go to emergency family court to get your own child back. He doesn’t have to be on the birth certificate for you to claim child support, you can always add him on later
Leave his worthless ass off the birth certificate. You can still get child support
Wipe your hands clean. Do not put him in the birth certificate
Only put males name if married. Personal experience and opinion.
Wipe your hands clean. I wish I had that decision it’s such a mess
You can only put him on the birth certificate if he’s there at the time and is willing to sign it. You might wanna talk to him more before you stress out over it. If he wants an abortion I’m guessing he’s not willing to sign it.
Leave him off and walk away.
Wait and see how he acts during the pregnancy. He might change his mind. Then decide
No no no … if you do you will complicate your life later on .
My husband couldn’t adopt my kids because their dad’s name was on their birth certificate. When I asked him to sign the kids over he refused.
If he wanted to play, let him pay.
My situation was similar. I dated my daughters father for 6 months, I got pregnant, he got back with his ex (had 2 previous kids with her). He wanted an abortion as well, I decided to keep her. His gf than told him he had to take ownership and whatnot, she made me prove paternity and all. He was not allowed to message me, talk only on the phone on speaker beside her. He wasn’t allowed to come to any appointments nor would she allow him to be part of the birth. It was ridiculous, and it’s not something I recommend putting yourself through during pregnancy as it was stressful. Along with the fact he wasn’t interested in our daughter bc it was "awkward and hard on his family after a few stressful years he stopped visits stopped asking how she was etc and isn’t involved at all. I’ve tried sending him papers to sign for custody and he ignores them.
Long answer short, you can try as hard as you can but you’ll never force him to be a dad. If he’s interested, he will fight to be in the child’s life. From my experience, I’d say don’t put him on it. Unless you need child support obviously. I don’t receive any support, my hubby is her dad as much as he is our other children’s good luck, reach out any time you need to chat.
No, bc of the legal issues. He might change his mind and have claims later
Nope. He can petition the court
Do not give this person and rights to your child. You will only regret it later if he decides he wants to take the child. He would have the right and there would be nothing you could do about it.
Keep him off you don’t want to have to have his permission later on to do stuff with your kid. Such as traveling out of the country for a vacation. I know someone who put the dad on the child is now a young adult and sees the man as nothing but a paycheck and they’ve actually gotten into it over him trying to say the mom didn’t do a good job raising the kid.
You can get cs without him being onthe birth certificate
I wouldn’t put him on the birth certificate personally but ultimately that’s a choice you have to make you won’t even be able to put the child in school take them to to doctor or even move homes with out his agreement give it six months after birth if he still refuses to recognize the child file for abandonment and full custody with child support
He will have to sign the birth certificate personally. But I wouldn’t put him on it if he didn’t even want the child alive. Hopefully one day you’ll find someone to love both you and your baby that will want to adopt him/her and y’all can be a family. If he is on the birth certificate you’ll have a longer adoption process having to remove him from the birth certificate…just thinking for the future.
Learn from my mistakes!
DO NOT DO IT JUST FOR THE MONEY. The money is not worth it.
It will cause you nothing but headaches for the next 18 to life.
Put his name on birth certificate gives him automatic rights. Careful.
If truly don’t want to he a parent then don’t force it. Does he not have a right to say he’s not interested in being involved he barely knows you.
Any man who could say abort it doesn’t need to be on anything been there my daughter is healthy and has a family of her own wash your hands of him you have this
No…its expensive to reverse…
I thought he had to want to be on birth certificate and show up in person. I don’t think u can just put him on it without establishing paternity
I wish I would have wiped the slate clean… tell him you got the abortion and be done with it. Raise that beautiful bundle on your own
I wouldnt put him on but I also wouldn’t make him pay. He just found out about the baby and clearly doesn’t want it. He should be given the same opportunity to walk away as a woman does. But he doesn’t get to come back later and want to have a relationship either.
Most states he has to be present to be on. However he doesn’t need to be on to go for child support. Give the child your last name, there will be less questions from baby in the future if he (dad) turns out to be Houdini. If you ever wanted to travel out of country you would need his permission to take your child. Leave him off but don’t let him get away with not having to help support or having no repercussions for abandoning his child. I refuse to let my sperm donor off the hook just because I can provide 100% for my daughter. It still breaks her heart he is not around and he is not getting off that easy. Just my opinion
Walk away from him. You’ve got this and it just sounds like he’ll be more trouble than he’s worth.
Keep him off. I was in the same situation once & my son has my last name.
Just because you claim his support does NOT mean you’ll ever see a cent of it
Unless he is there to sign the birth certificate then you can’t put him on it anyways if he is not willing to be a part it is a void issue unless he later wants to have rights then he will have to petition the courts established paternity and actually ask for rights
I wouldn’t put him on shit but child support
Save yourself a lot of stress and heartache. Just make him stay out of your life. The baby deserves your name.
Your only 12 weeks, you have a lot of time to decide and he has a lot time to come around. See how things go for the next 5-6 months.
You can’t put someone on the birth certificate in their absence. Doesn’t work that way. If that were the case…a woman could choose anybody. He has to be present and willing to sign on his own.
That’s not what gives him rights. DNA does. If he decides at any time he wants a relationship he just has to go to court for it.
That’s a tough choice. Though he apparently has no interest in being a father to this child, maybe one day the kid will want to know? Might be worth it to at least keep record of his name, you never know when knowing medical stuff/family medical history will be crucial for your child’s wellbeing.
Be smart, one day he/she will want to know. You should have his name on and collect child support for your child.
Dont put him on it raise him or her by yourself. Tha baby will be better off in the long run.
Also, filing for child support doesn’t necessarily mean you will get it. I went through the state to where it comes directly out of their paycheck and I’m still owed close to $40,000. If they work for cash or don’t work at all then you are screwed. Child support is not something you can rely on and seems he is already giving you trouble.
I’m pretty sure he has to be present to sign the birth certificate. I’d keep him off and later on down the road if he decides to he a part of the baby’s life then let it be. You can still get child support and he can still have right whether hes on the birth certificate or not
As someone who was never allowed to know who my father was I am highly resentful of that fact. Not only for medical reasons but other reasons too. I’ve submitted my DNA to many geological sites in order to try and find my roots.
Your Child deserves to know their other half.
Nope don’t put him on it
I sure as hell wouldn’t put him on the certificate. Not to mention, idk how it is where you’re from but where I live the father has to be present and personally sign for him to be on the birth certificate. Also in my state whether they are on the birth certificate or not you can go to DHS/DHR whatever it is called in your state and get a DNA test and have it so he still has to pay for child support which is what I personally would do since he wants to be the way he is being. Men who actually put forth effort and want to be involved I feel shouldn’t be forced to pay child support when they are involved in the child’s life and supporting the child. Those who act like this need to pay up and care for the child they helped create. But whether you go after him for support or not I definitely wouldn’t put him on the child’s birth certificate because if he isn’t involved but on the certificate and you get married or anything later on in life and the man wanted to adopt your child as his own he wouldn’t be able to or it would be very difficult to do so.
- He would have to sign the birth certificate 2. You can give the baby any last name you want 3. The father has automatic rights to the child weather you like it or not if if the name is on the birth certificate or not. 4. You can get child support regardless if his name is in the birth certificate or not.
I say this because I went through a similar situation. I still wanted to put his name on the birth certificate because I wanted my child to have his fathers name. The hospital denied. Several months later, the father took me to court for full custody. Of course that didn’t happen. I have full custody, with joint legal custody and he has visitation. He pays me child support and his name is still not in the birth certificate. My son is 11 and has never seen his birth certificate but I feel bad for the day when he needs to see it and his dads name is not in it. His dad and I have come to a point where we get along fine and coparent well. It’s such a trivial thing that means so much. I wish you well.
He wants you too abort don’t think he’ll be stepping up
I wouldn’t put him on the birth certificate. If he wants anything todo with the baby make him come find you and make him jump through all the hoops necessary.
He will have to be there with you to have his name put on the birth certificate, only way the father doesn’t have to be there is if you are married and take your marriage certificate with you
Nope don’t put him on
He will have to be present for you to add him.
Unless he signs the birth certificate, he won’t legally be listed as the father and he won’t have any rights. I raised 2 kids without their father’s being present and it’s been a blessing to not have to go in and out of courts. Just wipe your hands of it.
I have to say I don’t think I would not if he just used you for that he doesn’t deserve the right to be on there sorry to say!!!
If he wanted u to abort n u chose not to i dont think its fair u take him for support lol he clearly stated he dint want the baby from the beginning
I wouldn’t put him on the birth certificate, but also you have time to see how he reacts toward your pregnancy.
I would definitely ask him to see decide now if he wants to give up his parental rights. If he does, go file the papers, that way you don’t have to worry about the drama later once the baby is born. And after he signs that, he cannot change his mind and get those rights back. I would definitely do it before you have the baby. Also document and save every text and phone call. Date, time, and everything. Save yourself and your child from the heartache. Peace of mind is way more worth than money.
He has to be present to even put him on the birth certificate
Putting him on the birth certificate, rather him signing the birth certificate and you applying for child support are two different things. If he signs the birth certificate You will need him for passports, and other legal entities. I say do not allow him to sign anything especially if he doesn’t want the child which is his right.
Similar situation for Me. He left when I was 12 weeks pregnant and was M.I.A. and no I absolutely did not put him on any birth certificate. Nor did I give my daughter his last name. Never filed for support and he’s never made any consistent effort. He was not there for my childs birth. Show me something, actions and then we will discuss what rights you have.
You can’t put him on, he has to do it. If he chooses to he can file paternity at any time and if the baby is his he can sign the birth certificate and establish rights. Mothers don’t have a say at that point.
Nail him, Chance are his other ex don’t know and she has the right to know he created a child.
Personally I would have him sign his rights away before birth. Get the legal documentation. You won’t get child support, but he can’t come back later down the road and go for custody.
If he’s an active part then yes. If no or he doesn’t want to be involved then no.
Nope. From experience just walk away, it’s not worth your peace and the later on down the road you can always decide to name him as the father and go for support, but by putting him on he has rights to the baby without a guarantee of support.
You run fast away from him!!! He doesnt want that baby since he told you to kill it! Tell him to F*** OFF!
He won’t be present to be added. It’s probably better that way anyways as he cleaty doesn’t want it
If it was a shock to you it most likely was a bigger shock to him. You have months to decide he might come around some men change their minds when they see the baby born and hold he/she for the first time.
I wouldn’t both my kids have empty birth certificates
Dont put him on anything an just let it all go he used you do you honestly think he cares
No. Hi r that baby your last name.
I have been there. Walk away… no amount of money was worth the drama and heartache that my 19 year old still deals with!!!