Grandparents have rights as well. If your son won’t do anything you can petition the court for your own visitation.
You know I always wanted a boy but having a boy would scare me there are so many horrible girls out there that stop grandmas or sons from seeing their child I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. Don’t give up ! Fight for your right to see that child xx
I’m going through this with my youngest son. Don’t give up.
Wish you were my kids grandma the one she has on her dads side isn’t the best. Sorry your experiencing that. Hopefully things start to work more in your favor crappy situation.
Who’s to say that it’s your son’s baby… ??? DNA… Not that Dna matters if you have someone that is okay with you being grandma all kids. Babies need love it takes a Village
Just from reading in you seem to be judging her. This is just your side. I’d love to hear hers. There’s always two sides.
Keep trying. My story is way different than yours. My son had a baby and I never seen her and she didn’t even know me. My son left that relationship and filed for divorce and visitation. My granddaughter now knows me and loves me.
I pray that hopefully the mom will have a change of heart
You could try going to court to get visitations.
Check if your state has grandparent rights. If so you can go to court and get visitation to see your grandbaby
Truly sad how you people think. Sure there could be more to the story but having been there with my mom and my brother I know how she’s feeling. They’re your kid of course but that doesn’t give you the right to not at least give your kid a chance to have a relationship with their grandparents/father. Keep fighting. Maybe even convince your son to take at least some responsibility and maybe visitation can be at your home. My mom went through this. My pos brother had a beautiful daughter but he’s an addict so he didn’t really take responsibility, my mom always helped out any way she could. As soon as the girl got stable she completely cut off my mom. Never gave her a reason why or nothing. To this day she doesn’t reply to her messages, my niece is about 6 now and luckily we get some updates from the girls uncle. We’re hoping that when she’s of age she can decide if she wants to have a relationship with us instead of the moms toxicity getting in the way.
That’s a tough one. I would not give up. Just reinforce that you will always be there for those kids. If she needs a baby sitter. Assistance with anything. She probably feels a little awkward since the dad isn’t really in the picture. Just let her know you want to be apart of their lives. And also I believe you can look into grandparents rights.
This is so sad. Family means everything. You should fight to visit with your grandchild. He is a part of you. He is family. Most of all he deserves a grandmother. I hope things work out! Hang in there!
Keep trying. Holidays are coming maybe something will change. If it don’t change after the holidays good riddins to all of them!!!
Maybe you should try to include her other children along with your grandchild. If she’s like me she won’t want one child favored over the other just because they’re not all blood to the other family. It’s not their fault they all have different dads so they should all be treated fairly and the same. You might see a difference in attitude then
See a family solicitor ASAP. I fought and won. You don’t have any automatic rules, that is until you step into the courtroom. Unless they come up with a valid reason as to why you can’t see your grandson then chances are you’ll win. X
WTF am I actually reading? you want to give up on your grandchild because the mother expects you to practise common courtesy and not turn up unannounced!!?? how do you know the childs schedule?, they could be napping during certain times, is she breastfeeding?, she has other kids aswell, she could have other plans, or need some time to herself without having to cater to visitors, many many reasons that she should not even need to justify!, if you had more compassion and respect it wouldn’t be an issue, your view is very ‘bazaar’ to me and it seems like you are encouraging your son to be a deadbeat dad which is a shame, I hope you can self reflect and mend this bond before it’s too late!! children are precious I could never miss out on my grandkids without knowing I tried my best! Xx
Take her to court for grandparents rights. When my kids were young their dad’s were not really around but the grandparents were amazing and I was and will forever be grateful for them and everything they ever did for my kids and myself. It’s sad others don’t think the same way. Sorry your having to deal with that.
i thought u can take this to court an get visitations
It is absolutely her house, her child, her rules. It seems like you’re just pouting because you’re not getting your way the way you want it.
I would’ve been thankful for my daughter to have her other grandparent try and help and show they care like u.
She has my mom but not HIS she’s in and out and treated me terribly when i was pregnant so I’ve actually been tryna figure out the same thing “giving up and just pretending she doesn’t exist”. Sry to hear this i definitely understand from a opposite position
It sucks but please don’t take that girl to court for rights your son don’t even want. Sometimes as mother we reap what we sow. You have to wait till she comes around. If you really want a relationship it may require you to abandon your son and really support her. I really think you need to have a heart to heart. Her status with the other kids father don’t mean anything. Your son thought she was worthy of his seed. Literally talk to the girl. You raised a awful son and it can be hard to want to include any part of these awful men. She is already bearing the bad choices she made. She is a single mother once again. Plesse be kind and out yourself into her shoes. I would also be weary of someone who try to make their son out to be “not ready”. He is an adult male with working plumbing. He needs a reality check.
Considering your son isn’t stepping up she probably doesn’t have a lot of faith in you either. If you have a heart you should go along to get along. It’s your grandbaby!! Your pride needs to be checked at the door for the sake of the child.
Moet asb nie opgee nie. Ek was in dieselfde posisie. 4 jaar baklei om mamma se vertroue te wen. Vandag n goeie verhouding met haar en ek geniet my kleinkind so baie. Byt vas jy gaan nog die vrugte pluk. Sterkte.
In my state there is no grandparents rights
That’s messed up & rough. My mom has issues seeing 3 of the 6 grand kids from my brother. 1 of the baby momma’s I can’t stand. She’s one of the most awful people I’ve ever had the unfortunate pleasure to meet. Ugh. We’ve seen my nieces once this yr in June. I’m sorry to say but you probably won’t see him til he turns 18
Your son needs to step up and take responsibility. Then maybe she’ll be more willing to be flexible with you seeing your grandson
Take her to court grandparents rights is a big thing now
It IS her house, her rules. And about making an “appointment” , maybe she just doesn’t want anyone just dropping by without notice
I say no matter what you end up doing…
Always send cards… atleast that way he will know you tried even as he gets older. Otherwise he may think that you just dont want to be around. Regardless of whether or not mom tells him that, to a child that is just how it appears when a parent or grandparent isnt around. Hugs
I personally think you should be more concerned about your son negating his own responsibilities. Then worry about seeing your grabdchild.
It’s called GRANDPARENTAL RIGHTS.
Look it up.
Ur son don’t want to step up, then u can and take her to court for custody!
May God bless and change ur relationship toward each-other for the child’s heart.
& I also hope ur son is not looking for an easy access to his child with out putting in the work through you.
Make him be accountable too.
Completely agree with Sarah
I’m in NY and they have grandparent rights here. If she really tries to keep him from you try taking her to court so you can set up a court agreement that gives you days to spend time with the child. or just try reasoning with her. Tell her you know your sons not trying but YOU still want to be present in his life.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I know this situation all too well. The circumstances differ a little,but I’m dealing with the same type of mother. I can only hope things will change for you&myself.Good luck to you!
An appointment or make plans prior?
First of all you shouldn’t just stop by without permission, that’s so rude. Secondly do not give up because she’s being difficult. Get your son to step up and be a man.
It takes time to build a relationship.
Has there been a paternity test? She maybe standoffish because it’s not your grandchild… And there is honestly nothing you can do except wait for her to realize that it takes a village and active grandparents are a true blessing . Start a keepsake box of things you buy and notes to go with it.When he is older you can go through it together. I am so sorry,I feel your pain…
Sounds like she has issues within herself, might not be sure if it’s your grandkids, her way of not allowing you to get too close. I’d stop trying, I wouldn’t beg her to be in her kids life
No one has a “right” to a child but it’s parents. But if you care, don’t give up. Keep trying to see the baby. Tell the mother that you just want to be in her life and her child’s. Hopefully she will come around. Good luck to you
Don’t beg , she is just going to play with your emotions, it may not even be his.
Tell you son to step up and be a dad and I’m sure she’d be more open to you
“This is not the grandma experience I dreamed of”
“I have to make appointments”
It sounds like you think you are the centre of this but… it’s not about you. Being a Grandparent also means respecting the boundaries and parenting of your Grandchild’s parents. If you are so willing to turn your back on your grandchild due to some rules… well maybe the child needs a better “grandchild experience”.
If you truly cared you would make an appointment/set up a day and time to see the child. It is her rules her house
How early was the baby early? That would explain why you can’t come see it. Preemies are often severely immune compromised the first few years and were in a whole pandemic. Stop looking for reasons to dislike a baby that may very well be your biological grandchild and try to set up virtual visits.
Maybe you need to talk to your son about being a MAN and taking care of his responsibilities. She may not want you around cuz he isnt…or like someone else suggested maybe needs a dna test done
Why would you ever think of even giving up on your grandchild?
I wouldn’t like people turning up unannounced and didn’t allow it and my daughter doesn’t allow it in her home
I respect that ( even tho I know I can turn up whenever )
Try doing things her way with her son and you never know, you may be allowed a lot more access
As for your son well I had better not put what I want too but if he stepped up and acts like the man he should be things would be a lot better I’m sure x
I see both sides. When I had my son no one got to see him with COVID around. It took months for me to let anyone around. But it wasn’t to be mean. I was terrified of my baby getting sick. And the “appointment” thing… is she asking for you to just not show up maybe? I’m also the same way. No one shows up to my house without prior notice. But if she is just being spiteful that’s a different story. I’m sorry
Something tells me we’re missing part of the story
How old is this baby? It’s not that “bazaar” to set appointments times. No one with a brand new baby wants people just popping in at random especially with covid being such a big thing right now. Plus, you said yourself your son isn’t really interested in stepping up, she probably barely has time to shower & clean her house. Therefore it would be extremely uncomfortable having visitors.
I would demand a paternity seems she dont want you around that baby too much you may realize its not your sons .
Just because your son is choosing HIS family over you doesn’t make him wrong
Make an appointment or make plans ahead of time with mom?
Grandparents have no rights. Her house, her rules. Youre going to have to deal with it.
Might it be because covid? Are you vaccinated? Do you do things she isn’t comfortable with like kissing the baby? As for calling in advance to see if it is ok to come over, well that’s just common sense, they have a brand new baby and other children to take care of. Nobody likes drop in visitors at this stage.
First you need to knock some sense into your son. It takes 2 to make a baby. Then take her to court for visitation rights.
If the baby was early then the baby is immune compromised. It’s also a pandemic right now. But I assume because the baby was early, she probably has appts and such she has to bring him too. Make the appt to see him, and respect her boundaries
You can spend a million dollars and be there everyday and it will never be enough for her. I’m sorry this will hurt. Just pray as he gets older she will let you see him more.
If your son wasn’t ready to be a dad he should have kept it in his pants or used protection. Maybe if he stepped up and took care of his responsibility she would be more open
If you truly want to be a grandparent to your sons child you can always get a lawyer, file for grandparents rights.
It is not the grandma experience you wished for but I’m sure this isn’t what she hoped for either. It doesn’t matter how many children or fathers she had prior to this baby. You seem sad, but are passing so much judgment without realizing. Has your son done his part? At all? I had the unfortunate experience of going through a divorce whole pregnant and his mother made everything 100times worse by making it about her. “My heart, I’m sad, give my son another chance.” Ma’am if your son is an asshole please acknowledge it, please separate your feelings and remember that postpartum depression is a REAL thing. I wouldn’t want to see you or anyone else either if all you’re doing is making it about yourself. Do you know her family? Parents? Be a mom… think if that was your daughter, and not “my son wasn’t ready” so this is my experience
I wouldn’t take much offense by the no stopping by rule. Moms are busy, moms are stressed. I don’t allow people to stop by either.
I understand where mom is coming from.I would do everything I could to see my grand baby.Just bc you don’t like her rules,that makes you pretend to not have a grand baby?No wonder why she is doing this.One of the thjngs that stuck out to me was,some of the stuff I didnt get a thank you?Maybe she forgot bc she’s taken care of her children.
Take her to court for Grandparents rights. Some states have them.
Hire a lawyer or at least consult with one about grandparents rights, they vary state to state. Praying for you. I have had to take an ex daughter in law to court for grandparent visitation that opened up a can of worms and now my son has primary custody of those grand kids.
Maybe the child isn’t really your grandchild
Unfortunately some women are bitter. Don’t give up but be prepared for the worst . And when you do have those opportunities, always make sure the baby knows you love him. That’s all that matters.
Depending what state you are in… file for grandparent rights.
Take her to court and get grandparent rights
Shitty situation…only want you around certain times…and want certain things from u, but if you keep your distance or don’t call then you’re a shitty grandma…you just can’t win with some people! Sorry you’re going through that
Make an appointment to see your grandchild. It’s literally not yours and it’s called boundaries. Unless if you don’t want to see the baby then don’t. I wouldn’t want you stopping by randomly whenever you want to my house jjst cuz I had a child with your son. I’m sure she isn’t withholding the kid just making sure you can respect her boundaries
I had a NICU baby, with a few long term medical complications. As a parent of such a child I also required people to make appointments to come and see her. It had nothing to do with the person, and everything to do with the health and safety of my child. I had a mother in law who basically told me I was the most ridiculous, heinous person she’d ever met, and refused to listen to reason. I had to take classes on taking care of her before I was allowed to leave the hospital with her. Perhaps ask some questions, try to understand her reasoning. There may be some information you just don’t know.
I mean she isn’t wrong in what she’s saying. She does reserve the right to chose who comes to her hone and who’s around her child. However she’s putting herself before the needs of her kid. She should be open to having a relationship. I say don’t give up because it’s not what you expected. The baby will still be your grandson even if you pretend he’s not there. That just hurts him like his mom is
I don’t see it as bizarre to make ‘appointments’ before you turn up
I hate people turning up unannounced and I much prefer making an arrangement for it first
Grandparents rights. Then smack some sense into your son
why would you take offense to that? I don’t like people dropping by announces either so either get with the program or be bitter
I could never pretend I don’t have a grandchild, my grandson is my heart! If someone told me I couldn’t see him I would never act like he doesn’t exist I’d be going right to the courthouse and filing for grandparents rights.
Maybe that’s her telling you she knows your son isn’t the biological father.
Sounds like you have a problem with boundaries tbh.
depends how far you want to be involved. you can take her to court to determine paternity and file for grandparents rights. regardless of the mother’s feelings and or actions…You have a right to your grandchild.
File for visitation. As a blood family member you have rights as well.
Maybe she is uncomfortable with u due to ur son up n leaving n maybe ur son has told her stuff n thats y she don’t want u around idk
Seems fair to call ahead and make a planned schedule to spend time to begin bonding with your grandchild and be considerate of this new non traditional family dynamics.
Does your state have grandparent’s rights? Then it doesn’t matter if your son makes any attempt. You would be telling the courts you, want to see your grandson! May come down to a paternity test for verification! But at least you can say you tried to be a part of grandson’s life!
Grand child can’t help what mama does don’t give up on grand child
I wouldn’t want to make an appointment to see my own grandchild … you make an appointment to see a doctor … not to see family
Grand parent rights can get you visitation
Tell your son to grow up and be a man. He can make a baby, he can take care of one. Other than that, I would keep trying with her.
I have went through the same thing with my oldest grandson which in november he turnes 13 I have only seen him 1 time and that was when she was running out of the restaurant with him he looks just like my son from what I seen. And I have seen some pictures from a distant of him and he still looks just like my son. But, When she was in the hospital having him my son called me and told me that they were scared because they had not seen no one and the baby was not here yet. (Me being a nurse he figured I could find out something) So being a momma I called the nurses desk and talk to her nurse and told them her them being first time parents that they are scared because they had not seen anyone so the nurse went down there and told them that I had called which set up world one war. I was not allowed to come to the hospital period (of course my son was throwing out all kinds of excuses to me to try to keep me from getting mad) of course her parents were there but my sons was not. YES I was irate. I was on a schedule of when or if I could come and see him when they brought him home. I told them No they can bring him to me. OF course they come up with the excuse that he had no insurance so they were not taking him no where. I told them well I guess its nice to have a in home visiting doctor since they were not going to take him out until he got insurance but low and behold he must to have gotten instant insurance because she took him to her parents house. Then almost a year later me and my MIL and my daughter had went to a restaurant here in a town we live in and my daughter said “Oh no” I ask her what and she said you dont want to know well low and behold they (her and my son and grandbaby was there of course she came running out with him and my son followed and I told him hi and and he ignored me that really sent me over. Of course she went back home and told her parents that I jumped her. Shoot if I did I would have went to jail there were 4 cops sitting thereBut needless to say 3 years later my son called me needing to come home because she had made him move to her sisters house and he was not allowed to call me or his sister, not allowed to come and see us her and her mom looked at his odometer on his truck every day after work, His phone was on her mommas contract and she looked at his phone records to make sure our numbers were not on the phone bill. She held that baby over his head so that he would not have nothign to do with us.SO I know what you are going through
Tbh people stopping by unannounced is what made me most angry. I understand it’s maybe frustrating for you to not see him when YOU want to but when people came over to see our baby, it drained me and doesn’t give the opportunity to nap or shower etc. If you made an “appointment” which I wouldn’t call it an appointment but more making plans to go over, than atleast she is aware and can make it work for her schedule. Not everyone wants to be around others all the time. I didn’t and that was my choice. Just like hers.
I’m sorry you’re not able to see your grand baby. I get the “appointments”, though. I wasn’t a fan of people just stopping by, unannounced, before I had a child, even less after. Have you been denied seeing your grandchild when you asked to go over?
I don’t like people dropping by randomly they have to call and ask. Respect their boundaries and make an effort to work with them.
I mean I dont allow grandparents to just drop by whenever they choose. Of course its courteous to set something up. Is she a new mom? During covid. I mean a lot comes into play here and to me it seems you have a set expectation and perspective. It is her house and her child and you do have to be considerate of her. And your son isnt even involved? I dont think we are getting the whole story here. Give up if you want but why not try working around mothers schedule and needs? And buy what you want for your grandchildren but the parents dont owe you something for it. Its gifts for your grandchildren. I dont allow my own mother just to drop by. Same for my inlaws. I’m due with twins in October and depending on covid many wont see them for weeks to months and it certainly wont be as often as we did before covid.
My daughter has never liked people just popping in , especially with a baby in house . Have a planned visit .
Why don’t she letting you visit? I mean, the child was born early and it’s a freaking pandemic. Maybe she’s concerned about the child’s health.
Also, it’s absolutely correct for you to call ahead of time or schedule an appointment. What’s mind boggling is thinking you can just show up at this woman, whom is NOT family, and that your son has no contact with, house.
Never give up. She’s probably angry at your son for not stepping up and taking it out on you.
What if that’s not your sons baby and they know…
This sounds like an issue with boundaries. I have never been a huge fan of when anyone, including family, drops by unannounced, especially when I became a mom. Calling or texting ahead is being considerate of the other person’s space/time. It’s common courtesy.
I don’t think “making an appointment” is odd at all. I do not like people coming unannounced. Especially after I had my girls.
Step back a second and think of how you are approaching this. Your dislike of her is clear, what is the number of fathers relevant to? Her having a premie baby and a father who split is a lot, thank you cards aren’t at the top of the list.
You need to remember YOU are not the priority, maybe she closed down because you were pushing way too hard. The tone of the post is the whole “poor me” bit… that gets old quick. Very quick.
Check grandparents laws in the state and if he isn’t important enough for you to file for she made the right call.
The drama of should I forget my grandson is weird. Tone it down.
Look inwards, people don’t just not allow people to see their children randomly, especially after allowing a planned visit initially. I feel like there is a lot of missing context here