Should a child be forced/encourage to call their step mom, "mama"?

Is it ok for a 4yr child to be forced/encouraged to call step-mom “mama”? Bio mom is very much present in the child’s life and when a child is with bio mom child refers to step-mom by her real name never “mama”… I would love people’s opinions on this matter!


I think it should be up to the child to decide. Never encouraged or forced. I’ve been a step-mom for 14 years to my 16yr old stepdaughter and from the beginning she has always called me by my name and all parents had the discussion early on that we would leave it up to the child what she calls step family members. 2 years ago my stepdaughter did come to me on her own and asked if it was ok to call me mom because she felt she was ready and I just told her again that whatever she is comfortable with is perfect. Bio-mom does not want her calling me mom and now very intensly bans it so step daughter only says it when bio is not around but we can tell it hurts her that bio is so angry so we say my name is fine if it will make her feel better.

Its personal choice. Some children don’t like to feel like theres another woman encroaching on there maternal mother.

I have a step dad, I’m 28 and still call him by his name. I still get him fathers day cards that say happy fathers day etc but never have I called him dad and no one expected me to call him dad either.

Things like this should never be forced and what difference does it make. If that person is there to step up like a mother then so be it but don’t ever force child to call someone something when they already have a parent who is that.

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My son calls my husband and his bio dad “dad” and calls me and his step mom “mom” but it was his choice it was never forced we are just very good at coparenting


My stepdaughter knows she’s my stepdaughter, she calls me by my name. She knows she’s my child, and openly accepts that. However she knows I’m not her mom.

Shes 4. She’s never been forced or encouraged to call me anything other than my name.

She knows that I am married to her dad, and that I am step mom and asked if she has to call me step mom or mom and I said, no.

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A child shouldn’t be forced to call her mom absolutely not.


No. That is not their mom so to force it is not ok. However if they child feels comfortable and on their own says it that is ok it means they see that person as a parent


Let the child call whoever, whatever the child is comfortable with.

Nope the child has her " Mama" and honestly thats disrespectful to the bio mother especially to force the child. Whatever the child chooses to call her step mom should be respected if it’s by her name that’s ok. The whole goal is making sure that child is happy ,healthy and has stable people involved who love her.


I think it needs to come from the child. A child should not be forced to call another person Mom or Dad.

No the child should call her whatever they feel comfortable calling her.


When I was about 6 I found out one of my grandparents was a step grandpa, I asked what I should call him (I’d been calling him papa Kent till this point) my mom asked well what would you like to call him? I thought a moment and replied papa Kent… I understood at that point family isn’t always blood, but I appreciate now that I’m older my mom gave me a choice.


My dad wasn’t apart of my life but I never called my step dad dad I call him by his name as does my sister just like his children call my mom by her name… but it really all depends on how u feel if it doesn’t bother u or ur child then let it be but if it bothers u or ur child it’s OK to say no…


I think it should come naturally from the child. and if she does come around id call her mama and her name for example Mama Emily.


You should never force a kid to call someone mom/dad or anything really. My kids have the ability to decide what they want to call people. They don’t call their biodad “dad”, he is known by his name. My son doesn’t call my bf dad, but my daughter does. Only one of my stepkids call me mom, the rest call me by my name.


It’s okay to have a mom, AND a mama.
BUT, only if the child is comfortable with it. Let the child figure out what they want to call the step parent on their own. Never force anything on a child.


I have called my step mom Mama Karen since I was 11. She divorced my dad 3 years later and I still call her Mama Karen. She is my step siblings mom and it would have been weird to call her anything else.

Forced - nah. But my 13 yr old calls her step mother mom when she’s with them or on the phone with her. Doesn’t bother me a bit. Step mama loves her as she loves her bios. She’s been in her life since she was 3-4 yrs old. Couldn’t tell ya how long she’s called her that, and Couldn’t care less.


It should be whatever the child feels comfortable with because without the child involved there would be no conversation. It should never be the same name as the bio parent to avoid said kiddo becoming confused between the 2 adults.

I say it’s up to the kid and what the kid is comfortable with

Absolutely not. If they feel it’s okay to call the step mom mom then that’s fine. That’s their decision. It should never be forced or even encouraged.

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I am “Kari mom” or mom to my step little. Her bio mom is mama. Her bio dad is dad and step dad is daddy Josh. Let kids call the adults in their lives playing parenting rolls whatever they’re comfortable with. I wouldn’t ever force a child to call someone something but if that’s what they say, let it be authentic.

My kids were older before we separated. But I am with a woman now and their dad has a girlfriend. They came to me and asked me if it would bother me if they called them momma too cause they take good care of them and are nice to them like me. (Innocence​:heart:) they KNOW I am their mom. One and only. Can’t be replaced. But they love them too. And their dads gf has two daughter who of course call her mom. I told them if that’s how they felt I didn’t care what they called them because they know who I am. Doesn’t bother me because they live with me 90% of the time and know I am mamma. But the two step moms are great, so it doesn’t bother me. Now if either step mom forced them to do it, or if their dad would have tried to force it, than that would be a HUGE issue! :heart:


I’ve personally been in this situation. My now fiance and I got together when his son was 1, we’ve been together 5 years now, his son is 6. He has given me my own special nickname. He had asked his mom about a year ago if he could call me Mom too, and she was okay with it because I’ve raised him as my own for the last 5 years. I think it depends on the circumstances and everyone’s feelings on the matter.
However, no child should be forced to do anything. Now if they want too, that’s a different story.

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I was little and the custody agreement was crazy cause we lived 600 miles apart. They chose all summer and everyone other Christmas break I flew to my dad’s. I’d get really home sick and missed my mom so much, I asked my step mom if I could call her mom sometimes like when I was really homesick or actually sick. It made me feel better. Regular days though I just called her by her name. Forced no! I’d have liked her less because of that.


Never forced, I was forced as a child to call my step mother “mom” and threatened with spankings if I didn’t call her that. It put a lot of strain on my relationship with my dad and step mom because of it. My step kids call me mama Lee by their own choice.


My kiddos call me Mom and her Mom #2 or Ms. “first name here.” Same with my husband and their bio Dad. It was never forced. It was in their own time and if that’s how they choose to refer to their bonus parent, I’m good with it. As long as they are respectful, I’m good.

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You’re going to have to train a 4 year old to call someone what you want them to. They didn’t naturally call anybody momma or daddy you taught them to call you that. The adults should decide what they would like the child to call her and train the child as such. It’s not forcing the child it’s training them like you did for yourself. Problem is if mom doesn’t like it. I personally wouldn’t have a problem with it.

No I don’t agree with anything like that being forced. As a woman that was a child from broken homes, I saw many different women coming in and out of my life and they were all evil witches. I would never call them mom or even my step mom. On the other hand the man my mother was with for 17 yrs, I called Dad Steve once I felt comfortable with him and did it on my own-never forced…because he was a great man (better than my real father no question!) Now as a mother myself, the man I’ve been with for 12 years has been raising my oldest son since he turned 4, and we have never made him or asked him to call him dad. To this day he usually calls him by his 1st name, but whenever he talks about him to people he always says “my dad this and my dad that”, and every once in awhile he will call him dad. We just let him be comfortable with whatever he chooses. At the end of the day, you can’t -and shouldn’t- force love and labels. :raised_hands::sparkling_heart:

I think it should be the child’s preference on what they call the step parent. They may see it as they have 2 moms and 2 dads! I mean how cool is that!:woman_shrugging:t2: having 2 mommy’s that love you and 2 daddy’s BUT to be forced is total bullshit. And also encouraged I mean. Ask your child even at this age. They aren’t stupid. They know what they want. If your child is okay with it then suck it up

I would never force my step kids to call me mom, nor will my kids ever be forced to called their stepmother mom.

When my step daughter asked to call me mom i told her that i was very touched that she wanted to do this but that her own mom might be hurt.

My step son (5) since day one he called me by my name until this year ( 3yrs later) he asked if he can call me mom i said ONLY if u want to n he does but not always, its starting to come out more. Forcing a child won’t work but if and when they are ready they will either way it should be accepted by both sides to make the child comfortable about it

I think only the bio mom is mama…Step mom should be either her name or special name picked by the two of them…

I never did that, no one should force a kid to do anything. If everyone is ok with it , do what’s best for your family.

No the child should call his step mama what they wish, whether it’s her name a nickname or mama, as long as it’s respectful

Forced Absolutely not. My son was 7 when I met my husband and we had a daughter. My son asked my husband if he could call him Dad on his own, he earned that title on his own and my son chose to call him dad. If it comes naturally to him to call her mama then let it be. Mom and Das titles are earned not forced upon IMO

If his mother is active no it’s not right to call the step mum mama

Leave it up to the child. They will call you what they feel in their heart. (Side not the names do change, trust me I have a 20 year old :joy::joy::joy:)

I child should never be forced to call a step parent mom or dad

Forced? Never. Organically by choice of the child? Sure, why not!

Forced, absolutely not. I recently heard my children are disrespectful for not calling my husband/their step-father “Mr.” before his first name :roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes: since they don’t call him dad. I am not about to set my children up to resent their parent for being forced to call him something other than what they are comfortable with :tipping_hand_woman:t3:

A child should call step mom by a nick name he or she has only one mama
Unless mama is no longer in the picture!!!

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I wouldn’t want my child to call anyone Momma but me!

No, definitely not if the biological mums is still in the picture.

Absolutely not… a child shouldn’t be made to call anyone else mum… unless it comes naturally to the child in no way should it be forced

Allow child to decide and not even discuss it. They will go with what they are comfortable with.

Absolutely not that should be the child choice I told my ex if you ever get married my son will not call her mom under no circumstances I don’t see you getting married anytime soon anyways lol and I have been in a relationship almost 6 years and I let my BF know he will never call you dad and he said I agree with that no problem with me

Not forced but if the child feels comfortable he can.

If it was the child that’s fine. The fact that the child is forced is wrong .

No, should not be forced and I went through this with my ex. It should be if the child is comfortable and it happens naturally…never forced

No. It should be up to the child. My bonus girls asked if they can call me mom and their BM mama

I don’t think that’s right. But permission and discussion should involve the bio mom

Absolutely not! It’s a choice.

I am the ONLY mom, mommy, mama, ma, etc
They will call her by her name only!

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No forcing

My step children call me mother
I don’t mind
That’s there choice

I let my kids decide what they were comfortable with

It absolutely should not be forced.

They only have one mom

Never force a child when they feel comfortable they will freely and wantonly :heart:

Only if the child feels comfortable.

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Nope. Only got 1 mama xx

Let the child choose.

Forced? Absolutely not. The child has a mom.

Nope she has a mom!!

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No they shouldn’t be forced

That’s horrible. Absolutely not.

no. not in a million years.

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Forced? Absolutely not.
If the child wants to, they can.

Encouraged, sure. But forced NEVER.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should a child be forced/encourage to call their step mom, "mama"? - Mamas Uncut

No it’s their step mum they should never be forced. It should happen naturally if the child feels it’s right for them

No, if they see her as Mama they’ll call her Mama on their own.

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No it should be left to the child to decide what to call step mum. My step daughter called me Paula then she decided to call me stepping mummy Paula x

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I have 4 step kids and I’d never expect them to call me mom or any variant because they have mother’s present in their life. If they choose to that’s cool with me. But calling me by my name will always be acceptable

As a step mum myself, I’d never insist on being called anything. It’s up to the kid to decide. I’ve been in my step kids lives since they were 5 and 6 (now 14 and 15) and they’ve always called me by my first name or a little nickname (Mama Loz) and that’s fine with me. Bio mum is very much present and is a great mum so I’d feel odd them calling me “mama” in front of her.


Forced, no. Supported, yes. My son calls my wife (his stepmom) mama because it feels right for him. We told him if his dad remarries and he wants to call his other stepmom by a “mom” name, that’s fine too. I love my son and I love that he has so many parents to love him too.


I think it would be best to use a different name. I did foster care and encouraged the kids to call me Yaya. That way they could be loyal to their mom. I think it’s similar with step-parents. Mom and dad are sacred names. I know kids who call the step mom smom or momo or something cute. I know it would break my heart for my kids to call someone else mom. Mom and dad are reserved for bio. Just my opinion.


Not at all. The child should call the step-mum whatever she is comfortable with.
I am a step-mum myself and they call me by my name. They already have a mother, she has reserved that right to be called mum by them.
However if that child wants to call her mum, then by all means. But you can’t force the kid to.


Let the child decide. If mom comes natural to both, fine, if that’s confusing to a 4 year old, then respect her feelings. Love is more important than name or title.


I call my step parents by their first names, Mama and Daddy was reserved for birth parents. That being said both were important parts of my life and I feel close to both of them as the relationships developed naturally. Don’t force it as long as they clearly and respectfully identify who they are talking to and respond when being talked to and called.


My kids have the best step mom ever. She is my friend and confidant, my kids adore her, and they call her by her first name. This isn’t disrespectful, and I know if something were to happen to me she would finish raising my 15 yr as her own. Her children call me by my name but her grandchildren call me Aunt.


I always called my step parents by their name. Until the kids came along then they named them. But I still call you them by their name when speak to them. Now my step dad claims me as his daughter to people and I will tell people he’s my dad. He has no bio kids .


Kids should call the stepmum what feels right to the child. I had a wonderful stepmother who I always called by her first name. It was the most natural thing to do and we were both happy with it. There is nothing disrespectful in being called by your name. Let the child take the lead in that one. You don’t have to be called “mama” to be loved and respected and to be a parent to a child. <3


I would let it be a choice. My kids call their step dad by his name everyone is happy with that. Would be happy either way


As a soon to be step-mom: absolutely not. Let them call you what they’re comfortable with, and what their bio-parents are ok with.


They should be allowed to call her what feels comfortable to them. My stepdaughter has called me mom occasionally but usually uses my first name.


Absolutely not. That isn’t her bio/real mom why would she deserve that title? If that was my child I wouldn’t be comfortable with that. She can be called other names.


I have 3 steps (triplets) and they call me by first name. I would NEVER expect them to call me mom. They have a mom.


No dont force anything on them. If all adult parties involved are happy to call a step mam mama then thats great but just let the child call you what feels right to them

No it’s not ok to force a child to do that. I had step parents and called them by their given names. They came into my life when I was around 6. I had the best step parents a kid could ever hope for.


No of course not use her first name .
Perhaps In time if she’s kind & loving & they have a good relationship the child may use Mama themselves.

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Absolutely not. The child should not be forced to take sides as ultimately that is what it comes down to.

I completely appreciate that both women are in a caregiving role, but if a bio mum is still present and the child identifies her as such, that should not be forced to change. It would just confuse and upset them.

They will come to their own conclusion as they get older and start to develop more cognitive skill and opinion around relationships.


We tried out encouraging my bonus daughter to use Mama Caitlin around 2-3 in hopes of it helping her younger sister learn to call me mom instead of my first name but it didn’t last long because we both felt awkward, and in the end, its confusing as hell for her siblings no matter what. My daughter called her sister’s mom, “mommy” at first and me by my first name. We kept explaining and eventually we got it straightened out but a child should never be forced to call a step parent by mom or dad. Step parents need to have tough skin and really let the kids decide what they’re comfortable with and not comfortable with

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Leave it up to the child as long as they’re not being disrespectful. Let he relationship naturally develop to where the child feels comfortable calling her mom or mama.

Forced no. But supported yes. My soon to be step kids have started calling me mom on their own. And saying me and their dad need to hurry up and get married all ready. I know their mom does not like it and gets pissy. But I’m not gonna break their hearts and tell them no. I told the. They can call me whatever they like. My name, a nickname whatever their hearts desire. And sometimes they say mom/momma and sometimes they say my name. It’s up to them. I’m the outsider technically and I don’t want them to be uncomfortable at all. I just follow their lead.

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The child should be allowed to call her whatever they feel comfortable with.

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I’m dating someone with a child and the mother is very much in his life. He asked me “if we’re to get married someday what would you want (child) to call you?” Obvious answer to me was stepmom, bonus mom, or just my name. I’m a child of divorce so I call my step mom those things. It just makes sense to me.


I’m not even a parent and I know it’s never okay to force a parental figure on a child in that circumstance. They need to come to that comfort level on their own.