Question for those who co-parent

For those of you who coparent, do you allow your child to call the step parent mom or momma? Or do they stick with nicknames? Just a question so don’t come for me.


My ex and I are in our mid 20s. Our 4 (almost 5) year old son calls our respective partners by their first names.

My children were really young when their father died, like 4 and 2 years old, but I’ve been with their step-dad (not married but been together too long that “boyfriend” sounds weird) since they were younger than that. I let them call him what they feel most comfortable with. It started as his first name but then after a year or so he stared being called daddy. The youngest doesn’t really remember her father (but she knows who he was and has seen pictures). They reference their father as “daddy daddy” for some reason.

Just their name. I’m mom.

Let the child do what’s comfortable to them it doesn’t devalue your relationship and valuable the step parents relationship more in fact kids having relationships with step parents is amazing its another person in the family the child can have growing up.


My daughter calls her step mom by her 1st name and always has… probably always will!

My bonus son called me “hey” for about 6 months, it wasn’t mommy or Rachel, just “hey” follows by a question. After that he converted to mommy and has never had an issue since. He has also called his bonus dad “dad” since he was barley 2. I personally don’t feel there should be “allowing” them to, it should be their choice and whatever makes them comfortable and happy, I feel the parent needs to just let whatever happens happen

I think this depends on many factors, like how old the child is, what the relationship is like between the child and stepparent, etc. I haven’t personally dealt with this issue so I’m not sure exactly how I’d handle it really.

nope. one mom, one dad.
nicknames are fine.


As long as she’s good to my child whatever they want to call her is ok with me. I feel like she gotta earn the mommy title.if she does no problems at all

My step daughter kept calling me momma and I felt alittle weird like I was disrespecting her mother. So me and her mother discussed this and she was okay with whatever she wanted to call me … however she would call me momma Kristie. Honestly whatever the child feels comfortable with! I also had children so she heard them calling me …mom …momma all the time.

1 Like

I have always encouraged “Bonus Mom,” at least, if my boys have a good relationship with her. If there is someone out there willing to love them unconditionally as I do and she has “earned” that spot, so be it! I’m not going to rob my children of that Love/discipline/stability. When I say “Earned,” I mean someone who shows up and tries… not someone who is perfect.

If they are good to the child, and if the child wants to, then I think it’s ok. Some parents don’t feel right having their child call someone else mom or dad.

Here’s the thing, coming from a stepparent. My not-so-little-now man wanted to be able to call me mom. And I had said no. I explained it as such.

A child has one mom and one dad. But sometimes that doesn’t mean that mom and dad end up together. And because of that, you end up with twice as many people to love and care for you. That won’t change. You calling me by my name will not take away my ability to love and care for you as my own.

I understand people’s perspectives on it. And if you’re okay with it and it works for all parties involved, then that’s what is best to do. But to me if mom and dad are involved, that’s mom and dad.


I think that’s a decision that should be made by the child.

1 Like

My daughter calls my husband Dad or his name and her father Daddy. She chose it. When I asked why she was calling my husband dad her answer was simple. She said moms and dads love and take care of kids. If her dad ever gets married, I will not be mad if she calls another woman mom, I am mommy.

Soooo, I have different views on this, for different reasons. My oldest “dad” is not in her life & really never has been so she got to choose her dad. ( Lucky girl :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: ) However, my youngest dad is actively in her life & that is the ONLY dad that she will ever have & the only man that she will call “Dad” “Daddy” etc! Children are comfortable with, what WE allow! No other woman will ever take the place of "mommy " for my children! I am SHE & the only SHE!! Point blank period! Same goes for her dad! :woman_shrugging:t2::100:

I’d be ok with my kids calling her momma ______ her name if she’s acting as a mother role at their dads house she’s very much a mom to those kids the more people who love your children the better

i think it should be up to the kiddo, i always called my step dad “dad”. now that i’m older i do not lol

If the child wants to that’s only their choice.

Honestly I feel like neither option should be forced upon the child but whatever they feel comfortable with for themselves


My boy has a stepmum but doesn’t see her often. Maybe once every 2 years. He just calls her by her name

We don’t “allow”, require, or prohibit any of them
The children are able to use whatever THEY feel comfortable with

1 Like

If my son wants to call his step mom mom or mommy he can.

My child calls her step dad (Daddy "his name) and her stepmom is (Momma “her name”). This leaves the official “Mom” and “Dad” terms to the biological parents while also giving endearance to the stepparents. :woman_shrugging:t3:


I always called my stepmom “mom”…she’s been in my life since I was a baby and was my primary caregiver at my dad’s place, yes she’s also my mom…with that said no one told me to call her mom and nobody told me not to call her that…but if anyone told me I had to call her something else it definitely would’ve caused some major hurt to me, the child at the time…if the kid feels that way about the step parent, there’s really nothing bio parents can do that won’t mess up the kid or their relationship

1 Like

Only if the child wants to

I don’t “allow” him to call her anything. He calls her what he’s always called called her “mom” and I’m “mommy” I’m sure when he grows up (he’s 6) he will call us both mom or he will call her by her name. Just whatever he’s comfortable with. He calls my husband “Chris” but that’s because my ex husband had a much harder time with hearing his one and only child call someone else “dad” but my husband is fine with it. I make it clear he can call his step parents by the name he’s most comfortable with.

1 Like

For me it’s going to be whatever my child wants. He knows I’m his mum and I was a stepchild that called (still do) my stepdad dad, my bonus son called me mum

Friends on the coparenting dynamic in mine no they have one mom and one dad that’s it they use the significant others are their names or a nickname

I think that it should be up to the child , I called my bio dad DAD , and my step dad Dad nenito ( nenito is his nickname) even know that I’m an adult and he has been married to his wife for more than 30 years ( he and my mom never married and they broke up when I was still little , but they had a kid together so he stayed in our life’s and never made a difference) his wife always treated us like her child and never made a issue of him taking care of his bio and step kids )

You should never force a kid to call anyone mom or dad , that should come naturally, and if the bio parents have a problem they should addressed accordingly to the child age .
My daughter adores her stepmom but never called her mom but I would not have care becasue she loved my daughter and was always great to her to the point that my daughter often told me that she loved her more than she loved me and that she wanted to live with her ( even though she and her dad were not longer together) but she always stayed in our lives becasue she also had a daughter with him


You have zero say in what your child calls their other set of parents. No one should. Should come natural.


Support the child in what they decide to call that person. A label doesn’t increase or decrease a child’s love for someone, a child can never have to many people who love them


No. I am the only mom and he is the only dad. Step parents should be called by their actual names.


I have 2 moms. I have mommy and momma. I grew up in a separated home. When the same happened to my kids, they were allowed to call my now husband of 6 yrs together 10 in December by his name. My youngest at 11 months old started to call him dada and my oldest tried to correct him. ( there’s a 5 yr gap) I told him it’s okay if he calls him that. When you are ready to you’ll just say it. One day he did. He called him dad at 7 yrs old and now he’s almost 16. It’s okay to have your feelings, but it’s okay for the child to have theirs. He chose to call him dad but chose not to change his name and that’s okay. (My older 2s father is not in the picture and hasn’t been in 12 yrs) the child will let you know how they feel and how they perceived the person to be. If they see them as a parent figure they will give them the mom or dad title without force. It’s okay what they choose, and what they choose you do have to accept as both of my mom’s did for me growing up. I first called my stepmom sheshell instead up Michelle because we went to the beach a lot, after a year or so i called hee mom. My bio mom was accepting of that. They both worked to raise me. It’s okay

I think it depends on what the child wants to call step parent. And you just be supportive


My child calls the step parent by their actual name. It’s a respect thing for me.


My child has never wanted to call their step mom anything other than her name. And my 2 youngest call my fiance(been together since they were babies. Over 10 yrs now) dad and sometimes his real name.

I personally think it should be what the child is comfortable with. The step parent shouldn’t push to be called mom/dad but I don’t think the bio parent should discourage it either. My ex and I got together when his son was 3. Around 5 he started calling me mom presumably bc that’s what he heard my daughter call me. His mom hated it and got on to him, made him cry and it just really upset him. We sat him down and told him his mom would always be his mom but he could call me whatever he wanted and was comfortable. I was mom when he was with us. Fast forward to now, his dad and I have been split for a few years and he’s a teenager now but he still calls me mom :heart: I will add that we don’t have a typical situation. His father adopted my daughter and we had 2 more children during our marriage. My step son still spends the night at my house and spends holidays with me as well as his bio parents. I’ve been very consistent in his life even through a divorce and now he has a very large blended family with 3 sets of parents and a ton of siblings that love him. It’s all about the kids at the end of the day​:heart:


The child should make the choice on what to call step parent as long as it’s respectful. Everyone else should keep quiet bc it’s not about them but what the child feels is appropriate based on the relationship they have with that person. If the adults have an issue or feelings they need to keep it to their self or talk to a counselor.

Mine just call me by my name. Sometimes I wish they would call me mom or even step mom. Cause I am a mom to them as well, I help take care of them, I do everything just as I do with my own son.

As long as they’re together long term/married, my kids can call their step mom, mom.

My step son calls me “torem” which at first was “tori mom” lol and then eventually just smushed the words together I guess

Personally my son bio dad isnt really in his life. There’s time he will just call him by his name or say other dad. I would be a little upset only cause they aren’t in his life. He does call my husband dad tho. And for the past 4 years that has been really the only dad he knows.

My son calls his step mom by her name, and my husband by his name. He did call him dad for awhile, but then stopped. I left it up to him. He met them both when he was 3, I was fine with either! (Although him calling her mom def woulda taken some getting used to!) :grin:

I always encouraged my children to call their step parents whatever they wanted and felt comfortable with. Has nothing to do with me or my feelings.


Whatever they are BOTH comfortable with.

I think duration of the relationship matters…and if they act like a mother… I wouldn’t stop my kid from calling step mom “mom”. I would probably be jealous but I wouldn’t tell them to stop.

I call them by their name but in conversation i say stepdad or stepmom. That decision has always been left up to me when it came to what i was comfortable with

My daughter calls my husband by his first name even though he raised her since 2. He had that convo with her when she was like 7 that she can call him whatever she wants. There’s been a few times she has called him dad or when she’s on the phone she will say my dad this or that but never specifically calls him dad. It’s up to the child in my opinion

It’s not about allowing anything. Let the child decide.

I just leave it up to the kids. What they do on their dads time isn’t up to me anyway.


I’d let my kid call them what my kid feels comfortable with.

1 Like

I would go with whatever your child is comfortable with. But it all honesty, it would kill me if they called someone else mom.

My son called my parter by his name for a long time but then started calling him dad (after asking for permission, to which my partner told him that he can call him anything he wants, he’ll love him no matter what). Now he’s mostly “dad” and sometimes he’s still his first name. It should always be what the child is comfortable with. The adults should never try to force the kids to call someone “mom” or “dad”, but they also shouldn’t try to force the kids to NOT call them that. Just try to always keep in mind, it doesn’t replace the other parent. They’re just adding to the ones the already have as the families expand.


It’s a tricky one. I think it depends on a lot of things like is the child very young, have they asked to call someone by a particular name, is it being forced on them, what are the dynamics like amongst everyone etc.
I do think if a child is wanting to call a step parent mum or dad and it may potentially be an issue…best to talk to the adults and resolve it for the child’s sake. They can make their own decisions when theyre older but they do not ever need to be caught in the middle of cranky adults.

When my daughter called her dad’s gf “mom” it upset me at first but I realized I will always be her mom she calls me mother lol (thinks it’s funny bc of mother dearest :rofl:)
It got to me but I didn’t make a big deal about it. It no longer bothers me, it doesn’t change my role in her life

Whatever my child feels comfortable with

1 Like

What is bothersome about this question is the use of the word “allow”. The child gets to decide what they want to call them. Nobody else gets to make that decision. We should all hope that our kids love their step parents as much as they love us.

My child calls them whatever they feel comfortable calling them, cause no matter how it may make me feel, it’s their relationship. I was raised by two sets of parents, both of my “steps” are dad and mom. My bonus mom had a saying “The only steps in this house are the ones leading up to the porch.” Cause end of day, we’re family.

I’m a mom and a step mom and my bonus kids used to call me jazz for a long time then the last couple years they been calling me mom and it’s an amazing feeling, their real mom even told me she enjoys it when she hears them call me mom. I’ve never made them do it they just eventually started doing it.

My step son calls me mom when he’s here. I never asked him to do that but I have known him since he was 1 and he’s about to be 11.

Yes, whatever they want and are comfortable with. Adults feelings in the matter are irrelevant

they call them by their first name including my husband ,their step-dad. …they have a mom and dad already

It’s up to the child. If my daughters ever feel comfortable enough to start calling their dad’s girlfriend “mom” that is completely their choice. She has been in their life for roughly two years now and if they feel that connection, it’s theirs to feel. We should not police/control that. Though it should not be forced on the opposing end either. Child’s choice :person_shrugging:

A child can never be loved too much… If the kid wants to call a stepparent mom or dad who cares? That means that child feel safe and loved in that environment. My oldest to call my husband, dad, they have for years and that was their choice. No one pushed for them to do it 

My son calls me mom and his stepmom mama. And I’m totally ok with that because she loves that little boy just as much as me

Whatever the child is comfortable with.

I left that up to my children as to what they were comfortable with. It’s not my call or their dad’s call it’s theirs and theirs alone. If their step parents earned the right to be called “mom” or “Dad” and they were comfortable doing so then cool. If they didn’t feel comfortable then it was by name.

I would allow my children to call them whatever they feel comfortable with… but I would be a little hurt if they were calling someone else Mom. It’s something I would have to get over tho because it’s not about ME, it’s about the KIDS.

I think it all comes down to what the child chooses. My step mom was in my life at age 4 and I’m 31 and I’ve never called her mom aside from asking siblings where’s mom but it’s because it was mom to them. And I have a step dad who came into my life at age 12 and it was easy to call him dad for me it’s how the relationship between parent and child.

no not unless the other parent is married

Honestly I think it should be whatever the child is comfortable with I wouldn’t want to force my kid to call someone mom or dad unless they wanted to but if they want to then I will be okay with it :person_shrugging: I would leave it up to the kids but let them know they have a choice so they aren’t forced one way or another

I would say- it depends on how old the child is and if it bothers anyone. I was clear with my 2 bonus kiddos. I am not your mom, you have one but I am here to help you with anything. A title/name doesn’t change what you are.

IMO it’s the child’s choice what they are that individual for example my now husband has been around since my kids were 4/5 and they do call him by his name but at times dad slips in and we don’t correct them but they call they’re real dad daddy

I think it depends on the person. My stepdaughter has me in her phone as mom but calls me Jen. I wouldn’t stop her from calling me mom if that’s what she wants. I’ve raised her for 10-years now. I also don’t usually refer to her as stepdaughter, just daughter. 🩷

I don’t Co parent but I feel like it should be what the child is comfortable calling them. It’s not about you, it’s about the child. A child shouldn’t feel forced to call the step parent mom or dad just like they shouldn’t feel guilty if they decide to call the other parent mom or dad. My eldest daughter calls my husband by his first name and my other daughter call him daddy.

I don’t believe in deciding for a child what they may/may not call someone. That’s a personal decision that they should make themselves.

I let my step kids choose.whst they wanted to call me

They better not!! Her first name only.

I think when a mom or dad have an issue with a child calling a step parent mom or dad it is only a reflection of that parent. They feel threatened and insecure. The poor child is really saying they r comfortable they love the other person and it should show I that person is really there for the child but it hits people in their feels because “my baby isn’t calling someone else mom or dad”. I birthed them…. Kids aren’t property…. People always say that their children are their first priority then show why they are their own priority with situations like this. Not u the poster but people like Cassie comment ….


My child calls his step parents whatever he wants sometimes he calls my fiancé dad sometimes he calls him stepdad. Sometimes he calls him by his name. It’s not my job or my place to dictate what my child calls another adult that is in his life.  my stepson calls me mama I never pushed it we always referred to me as Kia and that’s just what he chose to call me so it’s now what we go with. 

Ew no. Call it by name. Period.

I’ve always viewed it this way -

If the step-parent loves your child and cares for your child like they are their own, then they are a bonus mom/dad.

If they’re manipulative, vindictive and spiteful, then they’re not a bonus parent, they’re just an AH, looking to get at you and the child is collateral damage.

Ultimately, it comes down to how you feel, how the step-parent feels and most importantly, how the child feels.

I’m a stepmom and I let them call me what ever they want sometimes it’s my name and sometimes it’s stepmom I think it’s up to the child to call the other person stepmom I think as step parents you should gain their respect from the child or children

Some of these comments make me sad for the women who made them. If you have a problem with your child calling their step parent mom or dad, that is you projecting insecurities about your own parenting. If somebody else loves and protects your child in your absence, why wouldn’t you respect your child’s wishes on what they would like to call them? Crazy. Sounds like some self reflection and possible therapy is needed lol

What ever the child/Children want to call them.

My step daughter calls her step dad dad to my husband’s dismay. The ex and the new husband make her call him dad. In my house we don’t roll that way. I tell her (14) that if she ever wants to call me mom fine. But I don’t expect her to nor does my husband. She has a mom. I (not having kids of my own) still try to be more like the fun aunt. It’s not important to me that she calls me mom. But if she ever did I’d probably cry. Because if she did I’d feel like I earned it. She did make some comment when we first got married that things were going to get confusing. My husband had to clarify for me why. I told her under no circumstances was she to call me mom unless she wanted to. I will not force it.