I unexpectedly and unintentionally got pregnant at 20 yrs old, and had my daughter a month before I turned 21. I had support from family, but lost most of my friends. Anyways, my daughter’s dad was not in the picture until she was 8 years old, when he decided that he “wanted a relationship with this daughter.” Mind you, when I found out that I was pregnant, I told him that he was the father, and he told me that I was too young and not ready to be a mother and he didn’t know if it was his or not. So after 8 years of him not being in her life, my daughter agreed to meet with him after lots of pressure from him. After a few visits with him, my daughter decided she wanted nothing to do with him and refused to see him. The reason I bring all of this up is because she’s now almost a teenager, and literally hates me and treats me like shit. She’s only nice to me when I give her money for her extracurricular activities… like shopping, food for when she hangs out with friends, etc. I have never received child support from her dad, so I’m doing it all on my own. I work 40+ hours a week as a medical assistant and am on my feet all day, so I’m pretty exhausted at the end of the day. I pay rent for us, buy her whatever clothes she wants, buy her food, and pay for her cell phone. And she still treats me like shit. Empty promises and multiple lies. And she literally at almost 13 yrs old throws a fit when I ask her to just clean up after herself. Not even extra chores. I just don’t know what else to do. I love her no matter what, but she’s making it extremely difficult to like her and want to be around her. I hated my mom for making me do chores and to earn my privileges, but now I’m thankful for that because I feel like I’m a decent, hard-working human being. It seems as though my daughter is very entitled, and wants to take take take without working for it. It saddens and worries me. I guess I am looking for advice and/or support on how to recognize she’s at a difficult time in her life with hormones/pressures of middle school/etc, but still setting expectations and rules without starting WW3 Signed, A single mom that has no clue how to deal with a sensitive child who acts just like me when I was her age
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She needs some tough love
Definitely needs tough love. Good luck, Mama!
Take her phone away until she can be respectful of you.
Take the phone until she can do what you ask without throwing a fit
It must be something in the air I’m going through the same thing w my kid and don’t know what to do either.
Take everything away until she can respect you and clean up after herself
I suggest you set the rules NOW. Lay out boundaries and consequences and follow through.
It sounds like you’ve spoiled your daughter to make up for the lack of relationship with her dad. You’ve given her everything and demanded not much of anything of her to earn it. It is only going to get harder from here if you don’t set and hold on to some boundaries now. My older two are 16 and 17 and I did the same thing you are doing. Buying her love will not make her successful once shes an adult on her own. Take away the extras. The money, the hanging out, phone, etc until she can earn them. It will be hard and her behavior will likely get worse at first but stick with it. She has to know you arent going to back down and give in.
Girl you need to get on that child support and get some well deserved money for you and her.
Stop buying her all the things she wants, take away priverledges of going out with friends…make her realise you are the mother and she needs to pull her head in and help out/appreciate you or she’ll lose it all.
My mom used to take my phone away. Wasn’t allowed to see my friends and there wasn’t money to go out.
Worst punishment in the world.
Got me to behave though and I learned that to take “no” as an answer from mom meant that if I accepted it without fighting, she’d say yes easier the next time.
Gonna have to become a big tough on her.
When my son tried to pull that crap I went on strike… doesn’t take long when they run out of clean clothes and want dinner…
They learn pretty quick all you do
Welcome to the thunder dome! Alcohol is to the right, weed is on the left, take at least one of each and remind them where they came from. Those are the biggest f#*% around and find out years and you need to.
It’s just hormones. Get her in some counseling. You got to set rules and boundaries and not be fearful it may start a war. She’ll get over it
Stop allowing her to do things/start taking things away she wants to to and hangout with friends clean up after yourself, she wants to be able to have her phone clean up after yourself, and so forth.
Following this one. I’m going through the same with my 13 year old daughter
I hate to say it- I am fighting this battle in very similar ways. I have found that taking her phone gets results, not without whining and complaining but it gets things done. It’s such a pain and so annoying but it’s what it’s come too.
I took my son’s phone away and seriously it’s been life changing. He is a different person … Try it. It’s hell at first, but NOT giving her everything will work on you favor
many hugs through through this time, I feel for you
Well, be her parent.
If she can’t act right why is she able to hang out? Take her time, devices & anything else that’ll hurt. (Not physically ppl)
Decide the rules. Set them. Follow them. Even if she’s pissy.
You. Are. Her. Parent. Period.
Family therapy. When she pushes back, “you want to do _____ avticity? We do therapy. And if discussion.”
Stop buying all the things. If she doesn’t need it, don’t buy it.
If she wants extra money, guess it’s time to sell what she can’t wear. She can earn for her wants.
Parenting is hard. Especially teens. Our job is to be their parents, not their friend.
As I reading the first half, I was thinking maybe at first just her “age” and at stage she going thru. Being a teen, or adolescent it can be hard phase at this age. But then, as I continued to read… I do agree with everyone else, “tough love” set boundaries, limit things, at this age it’s hard. I have 2 (adult) daughters. As the transition continues from teenage age to adult, it depends on you as a mother to make and create that bond you are looking for. But she will have to own up too her responsibility as well. Not just laying it all own your shoulders to tote the load. Prayers
Start with taking the phone. It’s not a necessity! She’ll turn into a raging maniac but you have to stand your ground! DO NOT CAVE into guilt, regret, shame, comparisons, etc. Disrespect is not rewarded. Period! It won’t get easier before it gets better. This situation didn’t evolve yesterday.
Sounds like your trying to raise her to be a responsible, hardworking member of society. your doing a good job. Unfortunately no matter what you do it sounds like she’s just in this stage where they hate there parents
I wish you the best hun .
Stay strong momma your doing a good job
My son is 13 and is acting a fool. Have to give him a reality check . I’ll take stuff from him. He’ll say you act like I never live without stuff before. Girl these kids is wild. I hope to make it to the other side: adulthood for my kids. My son has same kind of father. Counseling is helping us. It’s hard to hear what they have to say in therapy. Some things I think are trivial are huge to my kids.
My son will be 13 in a few months had him at 21 and he have to do chores everyday along with his brother .and if they act like entitled brats I take their stuff until they can talk to me with respect I am also one for making them work for what they want mow grass do extra chores. I’ve been single mom to three kids since day one. I have a 9 and 2 year old also
Turn her cell phone off.
I had a great respect for my parents I would have gotten a good a__ __ whipping and raised mine the same and never had to many problems. Hold her accountable!
That’s typical of teens. It will get easier. Until then only pay for necessities and make up a chart of chores and what you’ll pay for them to be PROPERLY done. Have some chores that she must do and not get paid but then ones on top of that for money. If she wants extras then she can earn them. And unless she is going to activities alone outside of school then a phone isn’t a necessity. My 15 year old doesn’t have a cell phone. Problem is that most parents cave when trying to set boundaries. Caving will only cause more issues down the road.
YOU ARE THE PARENT…do not be afraid to PARENT. Take away things she wants not needs…mom of 7 here and that didn’t fly with me. If I have to work for everything we have they need to do their part for all their wants…
Take her phone and don’t give her money make her earn it. Don’t buy her the clothes she wants. Go buy her clothes from goodwill.
Put a stop to it NOW! She needs to learn…she keeps her phone by doing x, y, z…she earns money for doing this … she wants to back talk and be disrespectful…she loses these things. My kid, who is 30, learned that if you slam doors in my house, you lose your door. She gets respect when she shows respect
I see you talking about your daughter’s behavior and not a whole lot about your own. What is she so mad about? Why does she hate you? You haven’t really given much context, and as the daughter of an abusive mother it’s definitely making me raise an eyebrow. I don’t think you’re telling the entire truth. You’ll never get the help you need if you don’t lay it all out. You are more than likely doing something wrong, and we can’t tell you what that is with the information you’ve given. Not having chores doesn’t cause this.
My daughter does chores to keep her phone. If She doesn’t do them her phone gets turned off. I had my daughter at 16. We were super close until about 2 years ago. Make her earn money to pay for stuff she wants. It’s hard and she’ll bitch about it but oh well.
Stop giving her what she wants!!
Take her father to court for child support also and stop allowing her all these things until she can be productive in her own environment. I have 13twins and know what their responsibilities are and when they don’t pull their weight then they don’t get rewarded.
Show her who is in charge, I will start with taking her phone and all her privileges away , make her gain/ work for the things she wants
It sounds like you need some therapy for you independently and the both of you together and maybe her independently.
You also need to go on a parenting course.
Kids don’t see everything we do, this is not an altruistic relationship. It’s our position as parents to love them unconditionally. We don’t have to like what they do, we can try to work thru it (hopefully collaboratively but I understand not everyone parents in this way).
This is very typical behaviour from a teenager. It’s not special because she’s yours.
Her phone is a privilege, and chores are a duty not an option. She needs to learn how to help you out and the minute she turns 14 have her get a small part time job so she can pay for her own phone and see what it’s like to be responsible for something. Hopefully she would understand what it’s like to be in your shoes.
Get her some counseling with a therapist that specializes in teens. I did it with mine. Taking away phones works. I have twin daughters. They’re 18 now and aren’t perfect (no kid is despite what some disillusioned parents think) but they are decent, respectful decent human beings. They’re required to have jobs when not in college and MUST maintain their grades. Don’t give up and don’t quit. My mother always told me mothers must love their children but there will be times when you don’t like them and that’s absolutely FINE! She was correct!
Family counseling. Boundaries. You’re the parent. You don’t owe her anything except food, roof over her head. Anything extra is a choice you make. We teach people how to treat us. Basic respect should happen. She needs to earn your respect. You can take everything but a pillow and blanket, she would earn things back by her behavior, grades,respect,helping with chores. It will teach her responsibility and in turn, raise her self esteem and appreciate things you have done for her. I had chores. Let’s try to be the exception to the entitled young that verbally abuse their parents and parents unable to set limits because they don’t want their kid mad or upset. If they are not upset, you’re doing something wrong. Good luck.
U have to start setting limits, rule, & punishments. Teens need guidance, time to start setting them now b4 she gets into trouble.
Sounds like a normal teenager
Love that last line…start by taking away her cell phone…grounding her make her do chores…she’s only 13…teach her some responsibility!!!
I’m sorry. It’s so exhausting. 13 sucks.
I’m sorry. It’s so exhausting. 13 sucks.
Take him for child support and give her a chore list. She doesn’t do chores, she gets nothing but a book to read.
I have two teenagers and the way I run things is…… homework comes first(to include good grades), then chores, then extracurricular activities, exactly in that order. They can cry all they want or throw tantrums but things get done!!! I also sit with them, have conversations about their day and make sure they know I am always here if they need me. Good luck
I’m dealing with a 14 year old grandson and I’m old school…NO way will I be buying her whatever she wants and I’m the one working? Temper tantrums?..have as many as you want, but I’m the adult and I’m the one with a job…I’m the one paying rent, utilities, groceries, and I’m sure you are paying for her cell phone …take what I’m going to say anyway you choose…she’s disrespecting you because you have allowed it…could her father has something to do with it?..maybe…but the bottom line is that YOU are the SOLE CARGIVER/GARDIAN…time to put your foot down and be the parent…not her friend…stop paying for her phone…stop allowing her to guilt you into giving/doing what she wants, when she wants…how she wants, and when she gets it…put down rules/regulations, give her chores…hold her responsible for her actions and stop making excuses for her…realize that YOU are her safety nest, and as long as YOU continue to let her treat you the way she has…she’s will continue to…idc what ANYONE says…I’m 67 years young with 3 children in their 40’s…bet they will tell you what is what
First off quit spoiling her. Obviously it’s having an adverse effect on her. Take her cell, ground her, make her do chores. You have to set clear boundaries and have clear consequences. Not, oh your mean to me let me pay for your cell phone, your attitude stinks here’s money to go out with friends. Take control back. You are the mother. I have 3 big boys, they know better. I only have to provide food, necessary clothing, adequate housing and medical and feed them. Everything beyond that is a privilege. Good luck you got this. ( Not being harsh just honest)
What did you need when you were young??
Cut off the phone and stop giving her money.
You can’t want to be her friend. Especially in teen years you need to be firm and mean what you say and say what you mean. She will dislike you but she will respect you.
Make sure she understands what you expect and in return what privileges that gives her. If she can’t or won’t do them, no privilege.
stop doing anything not required by law… she’ll figure it out reL quick when you’re on strike
Pretty normal behavior for a 12 going on 13 years old. They do all that stuff.
Get your child support… weather you need it or not, it could pay for college, a car etc…
Make her work for ANY and ALL privileges and money… she needs to learn to RESPECT HER MOTHER… or suffer the consequences.
Sounds like all teenagers and I am on 6th 1 now lol not saying it’s right but 9/10 come out of it ,
Take it all away, point blank. It’s your household, you run it
Just check her, tell her time for change. I’ve raised my boy on my own since day 1, he even starts to get crazy, I check him.
It will pass. Teens are awful creatures especially at 13. It does get better though. Stay strong, mama
Sounds like she needs therapy as well. Her body is changing and she’s not sure how to cope so she’s lashing out. Start with therapy see where that leads if behavior doesn’t change cut her off and make her earn all things extra.
Think back to when you was her age. You said she’s like you was. So what do think would’ve helped you, maybe it’ll also help her.
I have a 13 year old (turned 13 on Friday the 13th) and she acts the exact same way. I have two daughters and love them both with all of my heart. They are total opposites… one is lacking empathy and seems very entitled and the other is actually a empath and gives more then she takes. I can sympathize and tell you i can understand its not your fault. Dont feel like you are doing anything wrong! I try to show my daughter every chance i get that i love her and im on her side but i still stick to my boundaries and if she acts out she gets punished
She’s being a normal teenage brat. Cut off the handouts!! She is old enough to be responsible and earn things. She is treating you like a doormat. Your her mom not her friend. Your job is to teach and raise her. It’s hard momma I had 2 daughters one good one a pain…now their grown and the role reversal has started. Good luck
Stop giving her stuff
Take the phone or stop paying for it
Ignore her rants and tell her she’s got to follow your rules
Girls this age are really hard to get through to
My daughter lost her phone because she was chatting online with older boys she says she hates me but my house my rules she’ll get over it eventually but for now be firm with her
In addition to what everyone else said, she can earn her money for extras by babysitting. Bonus is she sees how hard it is. Two and three year olds can be as stubborn, irrational and devious as she can be. Plus, they have poopy diapers!
Might want to take her to job shadow you or a friend on one of her days off so she can see what adulting is about. And yes, she should stay the WHOLE work day and enjoy rush hour traffic.
Giving her everything is the reason why she feels entitled I think you want to just make sure she never needs or wants I get that but buying her everything will never fill the void. I have a 12 yr old and I won’t but him a phone I told him he could earn it I tell him what to do and he does it because he knows I will not put up with his tantrums I say No once and I mean no he says I’m the worst mother in the world but I tell him I love him and I want him to learn that nothing in this world is free I’m not his friend I’m his mother I think it’s time you write down some rules and chore list so she knows your serious good luck
Your child will treat you the way you allow them too. Don’t let her get away with the behaviour and the way she treats you. As soon as it starts, tell her is not acceptable and if it continues the consequences will be … and stuck to it. If you tell her your taking her phone for a day, week whatever, don’t give it back until the time you said. Same goes with any consequence handed out. The moment she speaks to you rudely, tell her you will not be spoken to like that, and when she is will to talk you know where to find me . As for chores , if they are not done , then she does not get phone credit, cloths , money to go out ect for that week. And every other week she dose not help out. I have a 15year old and have hardly had any issues at all , could not really name one , they know what is expected of them and how to speak to me , we have a great relationship, and we respect each other
My son is 13,I understand how you feel.We set boundaries, take away his phone, no seeing friends after school, which these things hurt him more than anything.
He does chores and knows what we expect of him.
Its hard but normal teenager behaviour,on the upside my son tells me everyday he loves me and kisses me before bed and before school.
My daughter is 13 and she can be a nightmare sometimes, she hates me unless I’m doing something for her,maybe it’s a phase and she’ll grow out of it, wish u the best
There has to be rules, she needs to earn her phone, etc. Quit enabling her to behave the way she is
Hormones / nothing personal- I have a 13 year old son who’s the same….less then drama you’ve described as back story.
Al the kids at that age are the same
I would get her therapy. Kids don’t act out for no reason
The reward system works well for my girls if you do this we
Can do this …. Sometimes taking things away can make things worse seems like this child of yours already resents you for what ever reason talk to her ask he why she acts this way Towards you , you will be surprised
So you said you do this and that for her but are you giving her your time? Are you there mentally and emotionally for her? Have you been from the start? Or do you just buy things? A lot of people don’t understand kids need love,attention and affection from birth up but if you never got that then you don’t know that and your buying your kid and providing everything she needs but not giving her what she really needs and when hormones hit … they feel lost and alone and take all that and empty it out on the person that is close to them … maybe something to think about
She is hurting sadly I was like this with my biological parents but there were reasons why I acted like this, it’s not an excuse but my mother isn’t exactly a great person however after going to a therapist and psychologist for ptsd after 4 tours in Afghanistan I’ve learned alot about myself and why I acted like that towards them you should and I hate to out this idea especially since it’s assuming and speculating but the reason I got so angry when they wouldn’t give me money was I had a heroin addiction they had no idea about. And sadly there isn’t an easy fix you can ask but I always saw this as an intrusion on my life because no matter what my mom wanted to know so she could ground me or manipulate me ect just hopefully you don’t do that. I say have her talk to a therapist or psychologist
My 13 yr old is similar. She doesnt want to help so anything around the house. Its a huge arguement every time I asked. I finally got mad and told her i wasn’t paying for anything extra for her ever again. She had to earn it or go without. That’s helped a lot but i really had to commit to it. No more oh she would like that and grab it. It took about 2 months
Don’t be her punching bag.
She’s got a attitude about cleaning up or being a decent human being to you then strip her world. Take away everything. She has to earn it back.
You don’t owe her a damn thing.
Make it completely clear that she will have no phone, TV, activities or even a comfortable bed to sleep in, until she gets her shit together. Put her a blanket and pillow on her bedroom floor. She runs her mouth then tell she will lose the blanket followed by the pillow, if she wants to run her mouth.
You have to come down on her now while she’s still young.
If she threatens you, explain that you will kick her little ass within an inch of her life.
Don’t let let her pull the, you will go jail card either.
Explain how done with her you are and going to jail would be better than working 40 hours a week, to support her ungrateful ass. Let her know you’ll enjoy your vacation time away from her.
Kids need to know we aren’t playing.
Why would you lose most of your friends? I had my first baby 2 months after turning 21. A couple of my friends already had a baby. I didn’t lose any of my friends that didn’t have kids.
I know it’s hard Mama but all teens and I had both 3 girls and a son ,they all go through stages of lip service ,hating parents etc etc .I know my girls were actually harder than our son,one daughter started her mouth in 3 rd grade even !They all had chores,rules,worked at age 16 and weren’t allowed to be disrespectful !Parenting I think is one of the hardest but most rewarding jobs in the world!Maybe you’ve done to much for her already by spoiling her?Kids I’ve noticed now days seem so entitled!Set boundaries,ground her,make her start being respectful ,take phone away etc etc …If kids don’t start learning respect early in life imagine the kind of adults they’ll be?Im now age 70 we have 18 Grandchildren and I haven’t changed my ways !Tough love is hard but makes responsible adults !Good luck
First of extracurricular activities are not shopping,food and hanging with friends,it’s school activities,what your giving her is a privilege,if she were mine and (I did this with my kids) she would be working around the house to earn those things,the she might appreciate them more,I’d flip the switch on her and take them away and start her working towards getting them back and then see how her attitude changes.
I have to agree with having your daughter earn the right to certain things like paying for the cell phone as a perk for her picking up her room. I seriously doubt you will get her to go to family counseling but it would definitely help. You have someone living in your house who is not empathetic and is really not human/civilized right now. She made the decision to not see her dad but she may be angry he is not interested in her or she may blame you for not having a dad in her life. You aren’t going to reason with her and you probably cannot get to the bottom of her and pager right now. The way things are now, she won’t be human/civilized again until she hits her mid-20’s.
Dr. Laura was an advotee of tough love. Give your daughter a timeline to pick up her room. If she misses the deadline, pick up her clothes and donate them or put them away someplace like in your trunk or attic and let her earn the right to have them again.
Are your parents in the picture? Is there anyway you can send her to visit them for two weeks? Is there any way at all for you to send her to a camp like horseback riding or anything that gives you a break for two weeks? Does your place of worship have a camp? I would spring it on her, too. Have her bags packed and drop her off at the bus to camp or at camp or at your parents.
It is seriously time for tough love.
Good luck, dear. Whatever you decide, stick with your decision and do not back down.
Take everything out of her room and make her earn it all back, even her bedroom door! This coming from a former out of hand Toddler, Kid, Teenager & Young Adult.
cell phone and extra money needs to stop now!! until she starts acting like a decent human being to the only person thats always been there for her , you need to practice tough love, let her earn the money by doing household chores
In total honesty, (Mom of a daughter now 25) sounds like it’s past time to put the hammer down and set out boundaries, start saying no, discipline for behavior and follow through. I will tell you it’s not easy, she’s likely to tell you that you are the worst mom in the world, she might even say she hates you, I got both of those when my daughter was in MS. Take away the phone (if needed for emergencies or to get a ride, contact provider and have all services taken down to nothing but calls) stop giving her money for extras, if she won’t do chores, all you have to do is provide shelter, food, utilities, clothes-the basic necessities, that’s all. Mama I feel for you, but if you don’t put your foot down now, it is likely to only get worse, and you don’t want her to go down a spiraling path of more deception or getting in with people who are not good for her to be with. Times are for sure different than when I was this age, it took me a while to figure that out with our daughter and son. It’s not too late to stop all the giving and start boundaries. Do you have family members that will stand by you and give you help if needed? Whatever you do, when you start making these changes, always follow through. We have taken doors off the hinges, taken away privileges, cleaned her room and while doing so downsized and got rid of a lot, then removed the tv and cable box, when it wasn’t kept clean, we took away whatever we had to. She didn’t have a cell phone until she was driving age, neither of our kids did. Never hurts to call the school counselor and have a meeting with them. Maybe there is something going on at school and she isn’t telling you about it. I will say that middle school age sucks big time. It did way back when I was that age. But we have to remember that the more excuses we make the more they have at their hands to use as reasons for their behavior. We sought counseling through the mental health center, we considered inpatient behavioral services, unfortunately inpatient would not accept her unless she was a threat to harm herself or others. Best wishes, you can do this, be firm, kids have to understand that your situation is yours, what their friends or peers have/don’t have isn’t relevant in your household.
It is the age! I’ve raised 3 teenagers and they are all selfish and entitled at that age. She will grow out of it and you won’t always be the enemy. My kids hated me for making them do chores and staying on their butts about school. My 2 oldest are in their 20’s now and they are back to normal human beings! Still fighting with my youngest about school and chores. It will get better Mama! I’ve learned with my last teenager to pick my battles.
You must be peaking into my life. I have 5 kids and 1 gives me hell, if I let her. She’s 24 now and nothing has changed so I don’t really have advice just wanted you know you are not alone. Best wishes
Truthfully just keep pushing forwards I have really had to change my mindset with my kids. I make a rule and that’s it they follow it and if not then I follow through with the punishment. Example: my son was getting d’s and f’s and I would threaten to take his phone but never did finally I put my foot down and I commited. It was hard at first and of course I felt bad but ulitmaitly his grades are up and he has his phone. It sucks being the bad guy but In the end it should work out okay as long as you stay consistent with your rules
Stop giving her money for things she WANTS to do and only give her money for things she NEEDS. She is taking advantage of you with this knowing you’ll still give her what she wants even if she’s treating you like put your foot down.
She needs to start treating you better and helping out if she wants money for shopping and to hang with friends etc.
she may be hurting because of her dad but that is no excuse for how she treats you. She needs to realise that she can’t keep going the way she is and expect to still get what she wants.
Instead of giving her money for things she wants dedicate a day a week for just you two to spend together where you can go for lunch, do some shopping etc. let her earn the rest.
She doesn’t deserve it with the way she’s behaving and she needs to realise she can’t keep treating you like this and still expect to get what she wants.
You said it yourself u buy her whatever she wants… nothing wrong with that but if she’s acting out maybe it’s time she earns it by showing respect and working for the things like doing chores etc then she may learn real quick about her attitude and realise that she does have it good.
You mention her dad not wanting anything to do with her until she was 8 and then after a few visits with him, wants nothing to do with him. Was she rebellious prior to visiting with her dad? I realize she is now almost 13, 4 - 5 years after vivisiting with her dad, but did something happen during those visits. Did she say why she didn’t want to see him anymore. Maybe he said something to her that hurt her feeling or made her feel uncomfortable and now, getting older and hormones kicking in she is thinking about the visits and is angry at you for whatever reason. She may be having displaced anger. Mad at her dad, but taking it out on you. Just a thought. You didn’t say why she didn’t want to see her dad anymore. Or, all of it could be she’s becoming a teen and you need to have rules in place and consequences. Good luck❤
Honestly she sounds like a normal 13yr old. I can’t say I was exactly like that but I know my siblings were and some kids I meet now are like that. You can’t say you pay rent and food and all that other stuff, those are things you get upset at an ungrateful significant other for usually. She doesn’t care or even should know about all the bills and stuff. She’s trying to find herself and learn how to deal with becoming a person.
Id say def try to give more of YOU and maybe set better boundaries. You hated your parents for it but you like who you became because of it. She has to learn the same. Activities aren’t free and personally I wouldn’t let said child go if it wasn’t earned or I was treating me like garbage. It’s a privilege to go out with friends or get money from you for something. Obviously if you guys are good at the time she asks you can def give times where she doesn’t have to ‘earn’ it but not while she’s acting like that.
She’s taking her frustrations…on you because you are her Mom and have been thru it all with her. I have experienced this with my boys too. They take it out on the person they know loves them most. Don’t take it personally. That’s just how they express their sadness and madness with dealing their pain. And, they know no matter what that Mom will always be there and there’s nothing like a Mother’s unconditional love.
omg thankyou for writing this!!! you are not alone in this. a very similar situation in my house with my almost 12yr old. only throw in a step_dad and 2 younger siblings who are learning his behaviors. keep thinking its me i must have done or be doing something wrong. feel like a failure and if id have acted that way at his age my “life would not be worth living” so to speak.
I could have written this myself except my daughter is 18. I know EXACTLY how u feel!! I could write a book on how bad my daughter treats me and then says it’s my fault!!
I’m going through the same thing with my 13 yr old twins. A boy and girl so the hormones are coming from both sides and the attitudes are exhausting sometimes. They act like they hate me too and like you probably make things way too easy. I’ve been struggling with taking their electronics away from them because I feel like they’re learning most of their behavior from social media like TikTok. The way they talk to me sometimes and the way they treat me breaks my heart and I’m trying really hard not to be angry with them or let it interfere with how I parent. I’m not perfect but I’m a good mom. It helps knowing so many other moms are going through the same thing cause I don’t feel like it’s just me and my kids. I say all the time that I just want things to be normal. I love my kids more then anything and have always been there the best I know how to be but nothing ever seems to be good enough. I’m hoping and praying that we get through this:pray:
You said your mother raised you a certain way… raise her the same way. If she doesn’t like it… oh well, our kids aren’t supposed to like us all the time but they do need to respect us. The only reason she treats you that way is so she can get what she wants. Its manipulation. And it works… stop letting it. Put your foot down, get thicker skin, and be the parent and not the friend.
Trust me, you are NOT ALONE.
I suggest you start setting boundaries and telling her there are some new rule changes and that if she wants money to spend she her can go get a babysiting job. I would also take away her phone and until she can respect you she can’t have it back. No respect no privleges. It will definitely be a fight at first ,but once she starts having those responsibilities and earning things back things will calm down.
This is kinda offensive I had my son at 17 and over joyed ! I wouldn’t say any of these things about my son. Maybe because you never wanted her you don’t want to deal with her