My partners ex still tries to control him: Advice?

Not your child or your business. Stay out of it. Be the peace!


Stay in your place. She isn’t going anywhere. They have a child together. She is supposed to contact him about their son and it’s up to them to figure out how to raise their son. He is supposed to get his son every weekend or whatever they have worked out. Why would you want a man who doesn’t take care of their kids? I think you should find a man without kids. You will never come before the child.


So how long have you guys been in a relationship? For starters I would talk to my man first as far as the “controlling” part to let him know how ur perceiving the situation. You have to understand that he’s a father before anything. If he’s supposed to get the kid every weekend I don’t really see what the issue is. As long as they are talking about the child no issue. I would just say hey I’m apart of your child’s life and I would like for us to be able to have a line of communication or form a better relationship. I’d be going with my man to pickups and drop offs and everything in between


He’s a father FIRST before he’s your husband. It doesn’t matter how you feel about the ex. Because they have to have contact with your husband (to allow co-parenting). It just kinda sounds to me that you don’t like that you come AFTER HIS CHILD (priority wise).


Maybe text her “hey girl I’ve felt some tension and attitude from you and I just want to clarify things and make our relationship better. Is there anything we can do to help the situation?” If you come at her like “hey, please stop trying to control my man…” she will instantly get defensive.


Well is there a bad attitude bc you’re the one who split them up? And her expecting him to do dad stuff is NOT her comtrolling him, sorry that’s his job. I don’t know exactly the situation so I digress.


I must be missing something, this doesn’t sound controlling. I will say a plan should be in place. However, I don’t think you’re ready to be in a relationship with someone who has children.:woman_shrugging:t6:


Y’all aren’t married. Unfortunately you have to stay in your lane. This is his battle to fight NOT YOURS.
Only advice go by the court order


The fact that your statement is vague (possibly intentionally) without any provided context is quite telling. You’re not seeking advice you’re seeking affirmation. If you were seeking advice you would provide more context. You just sound like a spiteful insecure woman and that lies within you to fix.


This post is confusing… it’s not controlling to communicate and coordinate about the kids. If there are other things going on that are actually examples of controlling behavior, then it’s up to him to put his foot down and tell her when enough is enough. It’s not your place to get in the middle, if you have concerns, talk to him about them and if he chooses to ignore them, then you can either leave or get over it.


Oddly, I feel that this is an admission of guilt and a projection more than anything.

My heart goes out to this man.


They share a child in common. This will never change. Only the dynamics will until he is older. It is normal for parents to communicate. Unless she is doing something totally illogical…leave it alone. Put yourself in her shoes…would you like someone else telling you what to do with your child? Wouldn’t you communicate with the father all the time? I do. We text most times, but there is constant communication. If you feel she has a bad attitude, try extending an olive branch. Kill her with kindness. Whether or not you like her doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is the well being of the child. Adults need to act like adults. A child should not pay for the immaturity of adults. Be the stepmom that enables and fosters a good relationship between both parents.


It’s her child’s father. That’s it. If she’s married clearly there isn’t anything to worry about and I would doubt she’s tryna control your man. She’s simply getting him to play his role as father… I think you’re definitely over thinking it. If you were her- I’m sure you would be the same - wanting him to take the kids every weekend. That’s just how it is🤷🏻‍♀️ as long as she isn’t acting all promiscuous with him, and talking about things other then the child. There is nothing wrong w it.


She should be messaging about their child, that’s NOT controlling him. I’m the baby’s mother in my situation & his gf seems to think I’m controlling him too, when im seriously just trying to co-parent and hold him to school rules. I have np with her & she dosent seem get that. If u can’t handle the situation leave, don’t make it harder bc that affects the child in the end


You need to just stop. They have a child together, he should be a part of his son’s life! If you dont like it you should have never gotten involved with someone who has kids. The kids should always come first. There is no reason why his ex shouldn’t be able to call him and ask him to pick up his son or have him for the weekend. You really need to step back and look at who is really trying to control him. To me it sounds like you are trying to control how much time he spends with his child.


He needs to be a FATHER, before he is ur man…js


Honestly, it doesn’t sound like you’re ready for a grown-up relationship. Where that mama’s child is involved, it’s 100% fine for her to control situations as she sees fit. Now, if she’s calling him to come fix the leaky sink…then come up for air. But, where their child is involved - know your place.


Calm down…pull yourself towards yourself u weren’t there when they made that child u have no business feeling anything until she says something to you stay clear.


Oh geeze, Stay out of it. He us a grown man and can handle this situation…it is between him and her.


They have a child together. He SHOULD be doing his part and she should be calling him out if he doesn’t.


He’s a dad before he’s a boyfriend. And communicating about THEIR child, isn’t controlling. Maybe you aren’t old enough to date someone with kids…


It totally depends on how both were treated when they were together. For me, what you call control, I call boundaries. My ex was violent. Physically. Mentally and emotionally abusive. I won’t let him destroy my daughter in the process of trying to destroy me. I also, am with the person I’m going to be with for the rest of my life and he has a fiance too, however. Because of how I was treated. I put boundaries in place and instead, it feels like a personal attack to them.


When you say “control” what do you mean?
Because if it is anything to do with the child they have together it’s best to just leave it alone.


Everyone here is acting like it’s impossible to think that bio moms don’t try to manipulate situations even after they are married and have moved on. There may be some info missing in this story but I don’t doubt for one minute that mom isn’t trying to make dads life a living hell…. No one should force dad to be a part of the child’s life…. But new partner should also not make things difficult. There are limits and completely “butting out of the situation because bio mom and dad have a kid” is ridiculous because everyone needs to try to get along for the sake of the child/children. I feel the same way for dads giving moms a hard time with new partners…. Live and let live.


It’s sad because so many child’s relationships are effected from the new partner acting exactly like this. Like let him take is damn kid and stay in your lane. There are much far worse things in life then this! The only controlling person here is you!


Sounds like she just wants him involved to me :woman_shrugging:t3: she shouldn’t have to be responsible for him being an active father. He should do this on his own with out her having to micromanage it.


Girl, you crazy. Stay in your lane. She’s messaging him about THEIR child. It just means they are successfully coparenting, not being controlling. Some of the chicks I see in some of these posts are just beyond disappointing.


Back off. Let him be a dad. I hate when partners step in and create conflict


They have a minor child together therefore, they have to communicate.
Reading this gave me a headache :roll_eyes:


Don’t interfere with his relationship with his son.


It kinda sounds like the mom is trying to push the dad to be a dad :thinking: which I hope isn’t the case because it’s his child and he should want to without her pushing him to do so. They should communicate when it comes to their child! Idk what she’s like but maybe talk to her and try to understand.


A real man wants to spend as much time as possible with his child. You come after the kids. That’s the the way it should be. Don’t like it? Leave. :woman_shrugging:


At least she calls the dad lol. I’ve been with my hubby for 9 years and it’s been hell on wheels. She now communicates through their daughter since she has a phone we pay for. It is very frustrating. The child is only 11 I feel it’s the parents that need to communicate keep the kids out of adult stuff. That’s one reason we are in court now. The shit that my husband and I have to deal with is ridiculous.


if she was in control of him when they were together and he allowed that then guess what? That dynamic will continue until HE does something about it. P.S. sometimes a mom who receives little to no help or support will become demanding out of pure frustration. Perhaps if he played a bigger part in this on his own, she wouldnt HAVE to call so often.:face_with_monocle::thinking:


She shouldn’t have to remind him to pick their son up that should Be his priority. They should be civil and be able to discuss the child and kids needs, why not? They have a child together! If you cannot accept he has a child with a prior relationship and he is in the child’s life being a father then you shouldn’t be with him. You should be encouraging him to be a great dad and trying to keep things positive with all not creating jealousy over your own drama. Clearly she remarried as you stated and they communicate for the child. Don’t be selfish.


You need to have a conversation with her. I went through this and had to have the awkward conversation and it completely changed the situation.


They have a son together. That child should be put above you and his relationship. 100%


WOW​:bangbang: She has a bad attitude because she wants her child’s father to be a part of his life? It sounds like you should have chosen a man that did not have children :roll_eyes:


Umm that’s his kid if he’s asked to pick him up he should. Don’t think you should be with someone with kids if that’s your attitude. His child comes before you


I managed to get my other halfs ex to stop trying to control him when I started going with for pick ups and stuff. Yes she had a attitude but I showed her I had an ever bigger one and she piped down in a quickness.


it’s her child… shes takes precendent over you. I cannot imagine how your hostility is affecting this child and/or how its affecting the mother and fathers co-parenting relationship… which I’m sure was working beautifully until you came along and wanted to make things about you.

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So you’re mad he has to be a dad ?? You don’t want him to see his son every weekend ? Definitely need more context


That’s his kid. Find your place. It is NOT between him and his kid. Regardless of what the mother of his child may come across acting like to you


Ok so illsay first exactly what others have said…the child comes first…period. BUT with that said I have seen ppl use their kids to manipulate and control the other person…or to try to intentionally start drama. Like by using the child as an excuse to see and spend time with the ex…either trying to get them back or to stir up drama in their current relationship. It’s sickening to use a child as a pawn. However she didn’t even begin to give us enough of the story to know what is going on. Just by the post with no facts…she sounds like the one in the wrong and selfish over him spending time for and doing for his kid. But that’s just it we don’t have the facts. I will say if she thinks she is supposed to come before that child…she needs to find a man with no kids.

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This post is beyond confusing. Sounds like she wants and expects him to be a part of his kids life . You are just going to have to accept that. Also not your kid or your ex so let him handle it if he feels it’s an issue .

How long have u an this guy been together? Maybe theres a reason she feels how she does about u. And its his place to talk to her if u feel that strongly about it. There really isnt alot of info about it…just that u think shes controlling an u didnt really give any examples to show she is controlling. Maybe u just dont like her calling him to do father things because u might be a tad jealous? Who knows.

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I think everyone is missing her point LoL,my man had a controlling invasive ex. She used the kids to talk to him almost every day. Just excuses for her to still be in his life. Yes co-parenting is important but some women cross the line. You’re feelings are valid,ask you’re partner to set some boundaries with her so it doesn’t effect your relationship further. Just because they have a child together doesn’t mean you have to put up with BS

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Point out the obvious, he has a son & the mother wants the father to be a part of his life. Maybe she’s calling because their son misses his dad?

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This doesn’t sound controlling it sounds like she is trying to get him to be in his sons life. Sounds like you have a bit of jealousy going on.
Now for those of you telling her to stay out of it… that’s a no go. If she is or is gunna be the step mom she needs to be included and involved. Yes his son comes before her but she has a say as well since that is now her SO and not the exes. I am involved 90% in my bfs kids lives to make the coparenting easier on everyone and so the children can be happy with no fighting or stress.

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As a stepmom, my husband and my stepson’s mom have always made the decisions for most things regarding my stepson unless it truly involves me having to help do something. If your partner doesnt like the arrangement with his child’s mother then he needs to take her to court. Plain and simple. And you stay out of all of it because it is not up to you how your partner handles it.

They aren’t together anymore. But they have a child together. This post is too vague to have too much input. You mean she offers him extra time with his child all he has to do is pick him up? At least she doesn’t try to keep him away…

Not too much detail on how she is controlling. Advise is that as long as your partner has boundaries with the mom and let them coparent. They have a child and she will always be there. Just as same with her that you mentioned she’s married, the husband knows the dad is always going to be there too. Don’t let her get to you because she will ruined your relationship, as long it’s about the kid it shouldn’t bother you. Instead support and help out your partner.

Get a court order and go by it. If you’re married to him now those kids are most definitely you’re business. Most men and women cant agree to custody exchanges without a court order that is why they’re set in place. Wether she has a shit attitude or not is really nothing you can change learn to be the bigger and better person. Some day the children will grow up and see that.

It sounds like you’re just paranoid and jealous. If she’s contacting him about their child, you’ll just have to accept her trying to coparent! Maybe the child is asking for dad to be around or to go to dads. It’s not about control when it comes to their child, it’s about being a PARENT !

If she’s trying to get him involved in their kids life and he ain’t then you need to sit down and reevaluate what kind of man you got with…I personally don’t believe in trying to make the other parent, parent. My daughters father gets her everything other weekend, unless he asks he doesn’t get shit else. He missed fathers day yesterday and he lives 10 minutes away no call no text nothing. His loss. Move on.

You can point out to him how his ex is controlling him but there’s nothing you can do about it. He either grows some balls and stands up for himself/you (if the ex is actually in the wrong and your not being overdramatic) or he accepts it… If it’s too much then leave. Don’t put up with it. Simple.

Not sure how it’s controlling. He’s a Dad first and should be getting his kid and talking to the mother about the child as well. If you want to be a part of it then say that, but there’s no reason they shouldn’t be communicating. Maybe you shouldn’t be with someone that has children.

My ex husband was not involved much after he moved in with his now wife. He rarely contacted the kids, so I had to be that person. It is HIS kiddo, and his responsibility to call, not us since the child lives with us. Anyways, his wife was upset until she talked to me directly. Then it clicked. He figured he could get out of his fatherly duties once he got together with someone else.

As a mum I’m sorry but I’d be the same I’d want him to come and pick them up every weekend and ring him whenever they achieve something or ask him to be there. From what you’ve said in the post it just sounds like she’s trying to Co parent and have dad involved depending how old the kids are and how long they’ve been broken up they’ve gone from having a dad there with them to only seeing him on weekends that’s a big change for kids so it’s important to keep a strong relationship between them both.

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When I first got into a relationship with my daughters father he had 2 sons with another woman. After a week or 2 of dating to see if it was a long run or not I took it upon myself to try to reach out to her. She didn’t like me she’d ignore me she’d call me names talk shit about me on fb everything. While I sat there trying to help him get his kids on the weekends. He never stood up to me (should’ve been a red flag) and never cared if he saw his kids or not (another one) she finally came around but that was short lived bc I eventually did leave his ass, but what I’m trying to say is be the bigger person stay on his ass about his kid talk to her yourself if you have to I will never again stay with a man who gives no fucks about his kid(s) that’s just grounds for nothing ever working out

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If U don’t like her contacting him about their child then maybe he should lift his game and call and see his child regularly without her having to chase him up about it.
If U have an issue with him being involved in his child’s life then leave him and don’t date a man who has kids.

At least she’s involving him. Some baby mommas like to withhold the kids to control the situation. Grey rock her and let him be a good dad.

You have 0 kids huh?
It’s your sense of entitlement for me. He is a father first… & if I had to call my child’s father to remind him to pick his child up, I’d be annoyed too & you’d know it

Until he stops her. You can’t so anything. I have been here (step mom to 13 so many ex’s) … Until he puts his foot down and calls her bluff. You can’t do a thing

Stay out of his parenting business. His ex will always be in his life and you should be encouraging a healthy co parent relationship.

Remove yourself if you are to insecure about it.

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I think you should rewrite you question. It’s not clear and is coming across like you’re whining about the ex.

I can say from experience my husbands ex wife tries to control him frequently through lies and manipulation. She will lie and say something is happening that is not to get him to come there or send money or whatever the situation. She will call to discuss things that are not child related and make no sense, if he tried to disengage she withholds the kids from seeing or talking to him (the latter part she’s gotten better at over the years). She throws a lot of fits and tantrums, she sends really nasty messages to him if he doesn’t do what she wants, when she wants. Telling him he’s a terrible father or threatening him with weird things.

Over the years she’s told him several times she filed court documents so that he can’t ever see the kids again. Each time we found out she never filed anything.

She refuses to tell him her income (the child support is based on a prior job years ago where she made minimum wage back when it was much lower. Now she works for an oil company). She tells him it’s none of his business.

She has physically threatened me, verbally assaulted me several times over text and messenger over very odd things like their daughter sending me a message to say hi or because I drove the 6 hours with him to pick the kids up (were married and he had to at the time drive 12 hours round trip to get the kids and she drove like 2-4 depending how far she was willing to drive).

The long term girlfriend he had before me who was a police officer, the poor girl had to file a restraining order against her.

She threatens if I want to attend anything for the kids whether a game or event or whatever even if it’s where we live not where she lives. So we tried for me not attending to avoid the issue but she ended up sending me message after message about how he must still love her and care about her more since he’s there with her and I wasn’t allowed to come (we made the choice together partly to avoid her chaos and because I was pregnant with our child).

When my husband had to go to Korea for 9 months she made the kids block me and my kids for the duration so no one could have contact.

Over the years she’s called him up and said it’s important to talk and tells him she’s getting together with one of the guys she had an affair with and wants to make sure he will be okay with it and be able to be cordial. (None if it was true).

Their court order states he arranges all travel and pays for it but she mandates and dictates when, where, times etc. The kids fly now and if he doesn’t book the flights she wants she throws fits or threatens not to bring them.

She will call or text and try to tell us what it is we need to do with MY kids in our house or what he is allowed to do with his kids in his house (like what kids should do should not be in trouble for, where they should sleep, what we should buy them, what they should eat, where we should take them). She will throw fits that I shouldn’t be buying my kids things even when theirs are not around if I’m not also going to buy it for their kids. Of their kids ever need something she tells them to ask their dad because I make more money.

I can go on and on. Her latest is she is letting their son come stay with us for the school year as long as my husband still pays the support meant for him to her while he is here and that she won’t contribute to him living here.

For reference I met him 4 years after they split up.

Sometimes these issues still bother me as she makes choices that impact my life and my kids lives (I have two from a previous marriage that live with us full times and my husband and I have one together who lives with us as well). The best we have come up with so far is we just let her think we’re listening to her or doing what she wants, but we don’t most of the time.

She will call to say whatever and sometimes he doesn’t answer, other times he just lets her say whatever and he says “okay okay okay”. Or let’s her think he agrees just to avoid her wrath.

Of course my husband also has the choice to take her back to court with all of this plus other things she’s done, but so far he has chosen to avoid her becoming more unstable or harassing.

It took us a long time to get here. When we were first dating he allowed her to control him. She would call and say hey our son had a baseball game. He would drive 8 hours to them and there would be no game. I used to get really upset but she had scared away both serious relationships he had (hence the restraining order) and he just believed everything she said. Eventually with me not getting scared and leaving, I was able to point out her pattern or show him actual laws showing what she was saying was untrue (for instance once she said she told the police where she lives that I wasn’t allowed in their town snd told him that the cops would arrest me if I stepped foot there. This was over a baseball game. I explained to him that’s not how law enforcement works. After several threats we called the police and they explained to her in front of him that what she was saying wasn’t true and then told us to file a restraining order against her. Then they sent written communication to us with the police report number and again that we should file a restraining order against her. Her response? That it didn’t matter because she was sleeping with one of the cops. Which also wasn’t true. :roll_eyes:

My point being is that if the mother is causing actual issues, and this isn’t just you feeling insecure or upset, then it’s an issue you and your partner have to come up with a solution together.

If she is truly being controlling and creating issues, then the best advice I can give is for the two of you to set boundaries and let her know the boundaries are there (he lets her know not you) and then ignore her. Let her thinks she’s in control but don’t allow her to be.

He may be scared she will take the kids so reassure him that she can’t and that you will support him I. Seeking remedies through the court if she does.

The most important thing is to ensure the kids are exposed to of little of it as possible, especially from your end because people who act this way often use the kids and they feel and see it. So you need to work with your partner to do your best to mitigate it in your end for the kids sake.

Remember you can’t force her not to be crazy or create her own drama. But you two can choose your response.

On the other hand if they’re having normal communication just about the kids then you will just have to find a way to deal with it. If she’s terrible to you for no reason other than jealousy or insecurity, then your partner needs to set up a boundary with her, let her know her behavior or words won’t be tolerated and that the communication needs to just be about the kids and then you stay out of it.

A lot of responses on here I think are making the assumption it’s you not her. It really depends so tru to assess what’s really happening and go from there!

Good luck.

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There really isn’t enough info to go by to give you any good advice. However if she is just calling him to remind him to get his kid this shouldn’t be an issue for you.

If it helps any it’s probably just as awkward for her as it is for you. That doesn’t excuse bad behavior, but it’s definitely something to consider. Also co-parenting is pretty difficult. If I were in your shoes I’d be as kind and understanding as possible while they figure it out. She’ll come around eventually.

This kind of situation is difficult and all you can do is be the best version of yourself. Unfortunately, each of these situations come with their own set of stipulations etc. In my opinion, your best bet is to see a therapist (for YOU). I’m not saying for “problems” but rather so you have a better chance at being able to talk to someone openly, candidly and have an unbiased opinion from someone who should be able to point you in the right direction. Sometimes bringing a question to the public is asking for more turmoil than necessary. Good luck and try to make good decisions.

She is being a mother by co parenting and expecting the dad to spend weekends with him , that’s fine . When you say controlling what do you mean ? Because I’ve only gotten so far that she’s married , has a bad attitude and is controlling ? How so … such little information to go off

She was probably hurt very deeply by him. Thus the reason for divorce. So try and accept that she is not over the hurt and just be the best human you can be. Facts are he should be there for his kid/s and what is not stated is he a good father or not. Maybe she needs to come across as a little controlling to even get him to show up for his kids. I dont know details ofcourse, could be such a host a reasons. Try not be controlling of her and how you think she should or shouldnt act. Just do you :slight_smile:

That is something you are going to have to deal with. She IS always going to be in his life.

When kids are involved, kids should always be first. If you have a child together it should become more important to make it easier for him to have a open door to his children. No child should ever have the feeling of being a second choice or a burden because of another kid or family. How awful to be a kid and find out that your parent doesn’t take the initiative because of a spouse who is jealous over a kid and that feeling of abandonment. While they get to watch the parent move on with the new family and completely ignore them. WOW I have seen the situation of women looking for a father for their kids and it doesn’t matter what happens to the kids that the father already has. Crap dad who has one person trying to figure it out, now you have a whole new dynamics and more damaged humans with someone else in the mix adding more damage to those kids. Adults who only sees themselves in this situation UGH

It must be difficult for both you and your partner… but fix your own crown queen… that’s what you are :v::heart: and be there for your king as much as you can … good luck

Depending on how long you been in the picture, stay in your place. You’re supposed to be the peace and encourage a good relationship, communication between mom and dad… sheesh

I feel like this is less of a “controlling” issue and more of a “you’re insecure in your relationship” issue.

I would start with talking to my partner first. He may not see it as controlling, instead he may just think “that’s just how she is”. Let him know how you see the situation as an outsider. Sometimes that’s enough to give him the confidence to try and change the situation for the better and less stressful.

I dealt with this with an ex-husband. He was oblivious to how his HCBM would call him up all the time and ask for money “for child” on top of him paying $400/mo child support and the child living with us 3 weeks out of the month. I finally put my foot down and when she needed something I went and bought it and gave it to her instead of money. Yeahhh… as I had originally thought she got mad cause she wanted cash to go buy her drugs. She got my ex hemmed up for “not paying child support” because the checks he wrote her did not have child support in the memo so it was considered a “gift”. Never again.

But bring it up to him and talk it over. If he allows it to continue, that’s on him. Either way, support his decision :100:

Ummm I don’t see how this is controlling if she wants her son’s dad to be more involved. Usually, it’s the other way around. Sounds like the OP needs to grow up a little bit and put the jealousy aside.

Honey he has kids…he’s gotta be involved. 24/7 . It’s great he is involved. Would you want to be with a deadbeat? I have seen women dangle their kids like puppets and manipulate their kids into hating their dads. This is a vague post. The child comes first regardless though.

Not sure how you think but anything involving their child together they have to talk it out and make a plan… that’s not her controlling him. She has to talk to him and has every right to know about anything involving the kids.

You need more explanation in the controlling aspect. And seems like you are pissy that they communicate and he puts his kid before you….which he should

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My advice coming from the childs point, stay out of it … Its between mom dad and child …not mom dad child and step parent… Don’t interfer period :joy:

A grown man & FATHER having actual conversations with the mother of THEIR CHILD!!! Give the man a medal for being a great example to all the dead beats out there​:clap::clap::clap: If you’re jealous of the mom, that pbly also means you’re jealous of the time he spends with his child… which comes off as immature and extremely selfish. Dating a single dad obviously isn’t for you. Kids FIRST. ALWAYS :100:

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I obviously don’t know the situation nor am I in a situation like this but regardless if I sm with someone who has a child with another, the communication like has to be open 24/7 and… he should start slowly bringing you in on that too so she feels comfrotabke communicating the childs needs with you as well. Texts after 9pm better be left for emergencies IMO though because most kids are in bed, and conversations regarding rhe child can happen during waking hours. But travel and pick uos cannot be all on him. She needs to meet half way and take responsibility for half the drop of and pick ups as well. But again this is a short bit of what your goinf through for us to weigh in on.

My son-in-law has a son out of wedlock, and the mother didn’t give the son my son in law last name but he couldn’t denied him spitting image of him,he pays child support and gets him if not every week end every other week end,my daughter does not communicate with her that’s between my son in law and her, she only calls my son in law if there are issues with him,I claim him as my grandson this boy is 12 and is big guy like his dad. They will always be communicating because of the child they have together if she is already married again I don’t think you have anything to worry about but I would let him know how you feel communication is Key to all relationships.

The ex contacts him about HIS son? The ex wants him to participate in parenting?
The ex wants him to be responsible for his son every other weekend? HOW DARE SHE TRY TO HELP your bf be a responsible parent! The nerve!!

Can you give the ex some advice from me?
Get full custody, do not involve the deadbeat, do not beg her sons sperm donor to participate, and tell her her son will be better off in long run by cutting ties with the loser sperm donor.

The entire situation speaks volumes about you and who you are.
Why in the hell would you want to be with a man that does not try to be involved with his son? Why would you want to be with a man that can only be bothered to possibly parent every other weekend? It appears that you and the sperm donor were made for each other.

Sounds like you need to talk this out with your husband what kind of relationship do you have with your stepson, what is the custody arrangement with his ex,

So your man needs to put his big boy pants on and SET BOUNDARIES. He needs to check her and you need to let him do so without interference. They have to set up a plan on visitation and base conversations strictly about the child. If he cant do that, then you have yourself a grown ass boy and you need to move on.

You have the bad attitude, why cant he see his son every weekend
Thats what my sons dad does

Fyi, they have a child together. He needs to be doing these things with the child. They have to parent, if you have a problem with their contact about their child you need to look at yourself. If it is anything other than the child, there needs to be no contact and if your husband participate in it then your problem is with him.

How about mutual respect? Of she’s not being a bitch to your kids or you, why bother with the hate? My ex has been married, divorced, married and engaged. He’s still married to the one who went into hiding so he can’t get divorced to get remarried :woman_facepalming:t2: him and ALL his pieces were HORRIBLE to my kids and me. It’s been 13 years since he’s seen 3 of my kids and about a year and a half since he’s seen 2 of them. I WISH he was stable enough, or wanted to, see them. I wish he wasn’t an addict who picks addict gf’s. I say the more people who love kids? The better. These girls are all over a deadbeat who doesn’t take care of 5 KIDS, and hasn’t since he got out of prison 12 years ago. Why. Why. Why. And one has 2 more kids with him. I don’t see how any rational wan can be with a man who doesn’t take care of his kids. Best believe I’d be on.his.ass making sure he was doing what he should be doing (if he wasn’t) or I’d be gone. Don’t shame the guy for wanting to be part of his kids life. So many don’t.

Oh no she wants him to do things with their son. The horror. Lots of ex’s keep their kids away, especially when a new partner comes along. Maybe she doesn’t think you’ll be around long :woman_shrugging:t2:

That’s his child’s mom. I’ll be damned if my husband and I split and the new girl has an issue with us contacting each other over OUR child.

She’s not going anywhere. It’s not your place to complain about what they do with their child. If you have an actual role and are going to complain about something better than this, I get it. But this is the dumbest thing to complain about. The child should ALWAYS come before you. They are priority. Not some new girlfriend :woman_shrugging:t3:. Stay in your lane.

Probably one of the reasons that they aren’t together. Unfortunately he has a child with her so until that child is old enough to do for their self then your just gonna have to deal with her. If your boyfriend stands up for himself that’s all on him but don’t create more stress on him by complaining about his ex… he’s trying to get away from her by being with you.

All I have to say is when my EX baby daddy gf tried to get involved…It personal made me more pissed. And YES I controlled the situation. Bc I would be damn if my ex husband baby daddy new chick attempted to tell me anything or stuck her nose where it didnt belong.
I am saying this as kind as I can. And coming from a good place. Choose your battles wisely

Yeah I’d talk to him about it. It’s hard to work with an ex like that in most cases they aren’t ever reasonable. It’s really comes to your man working out a schedule with her. And putting his foot down.

You’ll never be able to change it the guy is the one that needs to change it and he probably won’t because he’s spineless.

Why would she need to talk to you or go through you? She HAS to talk to the father, what did you expect when you got married to a person that already had a child? :joy:

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This sounds like something my ex husbands wife would post. I think she has this difficulty accepting that we have a son together and she is childless. Hes also dead beat and a bar bum. And from what i hear shes no better! From my advise, you came into that relationship knowing he had a child to another woman. Understand the difficulties it is raising a child alone or with another person. Im currently going thru the ringer because he wont pay child support for nothing as they sit in the bar all the time

Set parenting time schedules usually avoid this spur of the moment ambush weekend call. Have your husband politely propose a 50% parenting schedule and see if she will sign it. Be prepared to parent that stepkid 50% of the time or be silent.