When your partner and father of your children says he feels like he’s in prison being home with his family and misses being out in the bars/clubs…. Thoughts? I feel like I’m doing something wrong but also resentful that he feels this way when I’m the one who hasn’t left the house in almost a year after having a baby…
Lol I would set him FREE!
Two suggestions … have a date night once a month so you can both get out and build on your relationship separate from all the responsibilities of being a family. Enjoy being a couple.
Second suggestions is to respect each others individuality and have a friends night out once in a while without each other or the kids.
Let him escape living in a home… But make sure he Works & provides for Ever …You & the children.
We all feel this way every now and then maybe he can have one day a week where he can go out and enjoy himself and you can another day or even once a month have a date night
Get all dolled up!! But that sexy outfit on and go out with the hubby….I grew up Mormon. In 80/90s. When I was 23 yrs old my younger nieces got me dolled up for a date with the hubby…let me say he wanted to get home asap!!! Things can get boring…get a babysitter and get some drinks in you to let you loose and ravage the husband
I’m not sure of the context here. It may be a positive that he feels comfortable enough to share that with you. Maybe it’s time to get Auntie or grandma over with the kids and have a couples week end.
Parenthood is hard as you see. Know that everyone is deserving of breaks and outlets. Finding new family oriented hobbies might be helpful. Maybe a baseball league, or something that gives an outlet that isn’t in a bar setting? I say outside a bar only because getting wrecked every Friday when needing outlet might not be a healthy choice. However having a dinner with some guy friends might be a nice way to festers. With Christmas coming, maybe a gift card to a restaurant that you know he will use with a friend/brother/cousin/dad?
Time to set that little boy free and find someone who appreciates the time he gets with your family.
It’s great he is communicating his feelings. Set aside 2 date nights a month. One to go clubbing with him and friends. The other of your choice. Just because you now have babies, doesn’t mean you can’t have a social life. An even balance, but family is still #1.
You both are probably overdue for a break. Sometimes as parents we get caught up in being JUST parents. I understand what he’s saying and even though it may have came out or over as harsh you can probably relate too. You both should take a break individually even if it’s just getting a bite for lunch and then take one together (hire a babysitter). Best of luck!
My husband told me that. And not even a week later dumped and did exactly. That told me he forgot what life was without responsibilities. And he never looked back
I have an 18 year old and 14 year old. My 14 year old plays on 3 hockey teams. Constantly driving out of state and spending time in rinks . Sometimes I feel that way too. Life can be exhausting. Do y’all get to go out alone at all ?
Tell him your not his warden and he can bounce!
Poor little boy can’t be a man. Girl. You know what you want. And you know what you, don’t want. Time to make decisions.
You tell him you can’t go as you please.
But we as a married couple can make time to allow each other to go out. Not weekly.
You need to make it clear. That this freedom isn’t a one way pass. You need to ask him what he is wanting.
Bc if it is only him getting the freedom. Then tell him to pack his stuff.
Sounds like he needs a break which is fine, he’s opened up and communicated which is good. Give him a night out and make sure you have one yourself too. Everyone needs to let go every now and then. Having kids doesn’t mean you have to stay home all the time.
Your kids grow so quick!! I told my hubby our time will come when our kids are adults…my would break if I was told this… I hope he said that but still is amazing being a dad and husband
Might be a good time to give couples therapy a shot
If you can’t work it out divorce and move on with your life.
Me in a prison with u James Jones
He wants to go do what he wants with who he wants
I think loads of people feel suffocated at times. But in those moments that’s when you need to be able to count on each other. Communicate your needs. Hear his needs. See if theres a reasonable middle ground for both of you to have an outlet but also quality time together as a family and together as a couple. Hopefully these are momentary feelings and not core issues but start with just talking about it and seeing what you can come up with. Is what he is asking reasonable? Is there something you’d like that’s reasonable? Or is he wanting out of the relationship and responsibility? Obviously not okay to walk away from kids but you need to figure out what this actually is. If that’s actually what he’s getting at then I’d 100% understand being furious!
Split your week into 3. Nights you do what you want, what he wants, and nights in together.
Sounds like everything is getting stuck in work and kid life. Ya’ll need dates. Ya’ll go out together and have fun.
Are you forcing him to stay home? Is he still getting his freedom?? Just really need to know exactly why he feels that way.
You can’t force someone to respect, love, care or want to be with you! You can pray, hope, cry, that will change!! Accept how they feel! Respect yourself, enough to start moving in a direction, you choose! Anger, resentment, hate, revenge, will change nothing, only for the worst! Love yourself! Who you are and keep moving forward!
He sounds like he needs abreak and that’s ok we all need one every now and again life is exhausting and I’d say you feel it yourself most times regardless if he leave the house to go to work that’s not really getting out its work. You haven’t left the house in a year that’s sounds like a big problem you need to fix also so your not doing stuff as a family try getting out more go for food do things as a family maybe it will help as its sounds like your bith trapped in a cycle
He communicated with you
That means he wants it to work
My advice spice things up in your guys lives
He could’ve just left you for having those feelings (replaced)
Some people have a hard time adjusting to having a new baby. It turns your life upside down! I haven’t had kids because I know that I would miss my freedom too much! Baby’s also add immense amounts of stress in the home and the marriage/relationship.
I know you’re hurt, but he opened up to you and told you his truth. The best thing to do is try to work with each other in order to help one another through this process and new lifestyle. He’s missing things he used to be able to do. He’s coming to you and telling you this. Maybe he needs to be able to go out to the bar once a week to feel normal? Maybe you two should try and go out on date nights? Or, therapy is always an option in order to help each other through this time.
He’s not a bad husband, you don’t need to seek divorce, he needs support and understanding right now, just like you would if you were feeling like this.
Tell him it’s your lucky day. You’ve been paroled so get your stuff and get out!!
Tell him to arrange a sitter and you can both go out clubbing…or does he want to be living like a single man again ? If that’s the case I’d help him pack.
He chose to marry and have children …thats his life now
Hit him with the whole "same dude " and figure out a sitter so yall can go out together
Sounds like he’d rather be in the streets than with his family. You can’t make him stay and want to be with the family. He wants you to make the decision for him to go instead of him growing up and being with his family.
Sorry but he seems to be telling you something. He probably wants out
You’re not doing anything wrong. Talk to him about this instead of posting it on social media. Let him know that’s it’s OK to go out with friends once in a while but not to a bar/club and that you would like to be able to go and do things with your friends as well but that you are not comfortable with him being in a bar/club. Sit down with him and have a conversation, not an argument !!!
Comparing struggles is and usually minimizes the person who is honestly doing the most. He needs to get his together. He chose not to be single forever and to make kids. He can do more and he can hire help.
LEAVE…get custody of your kids & get child support
Hide a hobby. Remember…what’s good for the Goose is good for the Gander.
he sounds like a man child. you can do better
He should be aloud out to let his hair down once in a while
He gets a day and he babysits and you get a day. Then at least every other week go out together.
Like you it sounds like you both need a break, find a sitter and get out with your friends for a cpl of hours and him the same. It doesn’t make either of you bad parents luv. And at some point pick a date night for just the 2 of you, but at the end of the day be glad he was honest with you probably should have been a little softer with his words lol.
You have two children.
You can try couples therapy but really, if he doesn’t see your worth, at a minimum bc you bore and care for his child, send him on his way & get counseling for YOU.
The DOR will be in touch with him soon.
Maybe going to counseling together.
Prayers for your husband Amene
Ask him about the specific reasons he feels like he’s in a prison at home. Is it solely due to missing the social aspect of bars and clubs, or could there be other underlying issues? Understanding his perspective can help in finding common ground and potential solutions.
And your s/o thinks he’s gonna find his one and only in the clubs/bars? Lmao
Also, have you 2 sat down and actually talk about these issues? I’d recommend couples counseling.
Then he needs to get the f**k gone… you don’t need!
90% of men want it both ways. They want their cake and to eat it, too. It’s unfortunate that most men want to reproduce, have a cook & maid, but not the responsibility of acting like an adult. He will likely grow up some day, but whether you wait for that to happen or not is going to depend on you.
The problem isn’t anything you are doing, it’s him and his mentality. Bars and clubs are not the place for families.
Say “me too! Let’s get a sitter this weekend and get out!”
He hasn’t grown up yet and doesn’t want the responsibility, I say this because I’ve been in this situation!!
Life is hard living with a man child
JUST LET HIS ASS GO. u can’t make him want to be there.
Why not get a babysitter and you both go. If he is looking to go to the bars and clubs without you. Let him go. Change the locks when he’s gone. Big red flag there.
So he talked so he wants it to be fixed be happy he didn’t find someone else to replace you spice things up don’t let your pride get in the way
It happens. Sounds pretty normal to me. Do your own thing.
I would tell him PEACE OUT!
My children’s dad told me this and so I left him to be in the streets doing what he wanted and he remains the same and I moved on and flourished
Leave him where he is and you keep moving
It really depends on the relationship and the trust. My husband is very social and whether this means having friends over at our place or going out somewhere, he charges his life battery by being with people. Me on the other hand I could be home 90% if the time and that’s how I charge my life battery. We make sure we work together to keep our batteries charged.
If he wants to go out and do something he checks to make sure we don’t have plans first and that I’m alright and I encourage him to go be with friends! I trust him 100%. If I want to go out and spend time with my girlfriends I do the same thing. It’s not all the time, sometimes it’s 2 days out of the month, sometimes it’s more or less.
If there’s trust and respect in the relationship, then work together to find mutual ground. While having kids does in fact change our lives, it doesn’t mean we aren’t still our own selves. This doesn’t mean leave all the time and go party and go wild, everyone’s idea of going out is different. There’s times that we need “us” time “me time” “him time” “family time” “mom and son time” “dad and son time”. But if we always do just one of those things, it ware’s on us.
Just communicate and hear eachother out and work on coming to a mutual ground so that nobody feels like a prisoner in their home because that’s not what home should feel like🤍
We set it up in advance my husband does weekly boys nights n i go out once a month or so. You still need to have friends and lives outside your current relationship. So as long as we can make it work so the kids are covered and what not i tell him to go and enjoy himself. Why hold your spouse hostage them hostage just leads to a shit load of resentment. He knows my boundaries and i know his
Date night?? Sorry to hear this. Hope you both can communicate and find ideas to get the spark back. My husband and I at least 1 time a month take our last child who is 13 out with us to do date night. We are in late 40s and have always taken kids to do fun things. Haven’t been in a bar setting for years. When our kids were younger we didnt really have a baby sitter so we include the kids. We miss it but we feel fun family times are better. Hope the best for you. Hugs. I know that had to be shocking to hear. Have him help with finding ways to reconnect and fill the void he is missing. Best wishes.
Does he get time to go out by himself?
At some point you have to grow up and prioritize.
My husband is very much a “get out and do things” kind of person. We also have 3 older children and an 8 month old that had some pretty severe reflux issues in the beginning. So I have yet to leave the baby because of that. However I’ve also had to remember that is my choice. Do we have friends or family who would gladly watch our baby and the other kiddos? Absolutely. It just hasn’t been something I was comfortable with yet to leave the baby. Knowing my husband enjoys getting out from time to time if he says he wants to stop by the bar and have a drink after work, or go somewhere with a friend or his dad etc I don’t complain. He needs that every now and then to thrive and be happy and I knew this when I married him. It was made very clear he is not a home body and sometimes needs to get away from the house. Sure sometimes I take it personal because I’m not out doing much or having fun but no one is telling me that I can’t get out. I choose not to. I’d put yourself in his shoes as well. Maybe find a compromise. It is exhausting to sit in the house constantly for some people and it does end up feeling like a prison lol. If he’s doing everything else that he should be but still wants just some time to himself or time away there’s nothing wrong with that.
If it’s an issue with trust or anything like that maybe a reevaluation of the relationship all the way around is due. But it really sounds like he’s just bored and doesn’t enjoy being a home body. There’s nothing wrong with that and there’s nothing wrong with finding a sitter you’re comfortable with and trying to have some time together either.
Everyone here saying dad needs a break
y’all clearly haven’t experienced being the primary care giver of your child and having all responsibilities on YOU!
More to life then being a parent blah blah blah!!!
Okay! So dad can stay home and mum can go out to the bars and clubs?
50/50 or out the door I say!
It’s 2023 not the 1950s
Sounds like he’s not ready to be a grown-up￼
Just bc you’re ok with not leaving the house for a year domt mean he has to. I’d feel like a prisoner too if I never just got a night or even a few hours of getting out of the house and doing something.
Haha, that’s not a man. My husband has helped me for almost a whole year with each child we had together. Without complaining, no bars, no nothing. He build a business this year while helping me with our girl and is now back to work. However, your man needs to realize that he is a father now, he has a family and it’s time to act like it. It’s important to have healthy outlets but bars and clubs? Grow up.
Tell him if he wants the single life he knows where the door is
He needs to go to therapy
How about you suggest a compromise and suggest a date night where the 2 of you could go out and a guys night and a girls night for you as well once a month… even though you have kids you still have to take time for yourself… people start feeling this way when they make everything about being home with their kids which some people are home bodies and love to be home other people don’t wanna be couped up in the house all the time
Now is where communication and compromise come into play you need to sit down and talk to one another not at each other and ask what it is exactly that he wants from your relationship and same for you then you talk about boundaries and where and what those look like for your relationship then you both need to set up a day a week or every other week that you have me time each of you on that day or night you do what you want to do within the boundaries of your relationship whatever that may look like for you and yours all are different so if that night he chooses to have a few drinks with the boys then that’s what he does if you choose to go have a few then that’s what you do but always remember that you are more than your relationship so there is really no reason either of you should be stuck inside the house at all times and if it’s a lack of trust then that is a whole nother topic there iam only speaking from my experiences in life im with my boo for 21 years February and its still. A work in progress every day but you have to communicate him to you and you to him and you have to be willing to listen and hear the hard stuff it isn’t always rainbows and unicorns marriage is one of the hardest things to keep alive and healthy especially now days good luck love
Bounce not worth the emotional turmoil and mental stress this will eventually cause. He’s still immature and wanting the single life so let him have it.
I mean we all miss that life but I wouldn’t say I feel like I’m in prison. Lol
Tell him he got accepted for parole. He’s free to leave. But once he’s out, he’s not coming back. ￼
He wasn’t ready to settle down. He’ll probably cheat before he ask for a divorce too because he’ll be too embarrassed to tell everyone that it’s his fault that he broke up his marriage/family because he wasn’t ready. To try to save your marriage suggest maybe once or twice a month do date nites. I’m sorry that you’re going thru that. Good luck
He is probably highly Extraverted and needs too.
You have to give him a break. He is father to a baby just as you are the mother to a new baby. Meaning he is just as human as you. Accept that it’s normal that both of you feel this way. It is a nice thing he can still tell you this verse shut you out completely. He’s in pain. Your in pain. Parenthood is not easy. So why don’t both of you find a date night together. If he doesn’t feel like doing anything with you, that is normal too. Ask him to do a boys night out with his friends. When my husband and I just had our baby, we would do a lot of camping. Find places to hike and be away from electronics, clubs, bars. We found nature as our refuge. Cost nothing to hike. It may be a little tougher with a baby but so many people do it and it’s so healthy of the kids. We bought a hiking backpack with a baby carrier in the back and it workout for all of us. By the way, look up your local community center in your area, free stuff for parents and kids to do. Even offers free gym and food services. Fun for the whole family for free.
You’re giving him three hots and a cot, what more does he want!?
You are not ! If he wants that life then he can have it - will be kinda hard when he is paying child support . He needs to GO
Tell him if he feels like he is a prison then get out it’s not gonna get any better.
Wow that’s actually very hurtful. My husband was in prison before for a many years of his life. And I know if he were to ever tell me that he felt like he was in prison being at home in would crush my soul. Because I know how hard it was for him in prison. Has your husband actually ever been to prison? Or is he just saying that what he thinks it feels like? I think it makes a difference. If he’s actually been to prison before and he’s saying that then it’s probably because your being too controlling. Maybe you question his every move and feel insecure when he’s gone? And he probably does just want to feel free to make his own choices without worrying about getting "in trouble " with you. Did he actually say bars and clubs? Or are you just assuming that’s where he wants to go? I feel like you might just be assuming that’s where he wants to be. Maybe he just wants to hangout with his friends and play pool or watch a game or eat wings and have a beer. Don’t just assume that him feeling cooped up means he wants to be out at the clubs. Of course that’s not really an appropriate place for a married man with a family to go hangout without his wife. But a bar restaurant with his buddies shouldn’t cause an argument. Now if he’s never actually been to prison I would be worried because thats coming from a guy that has no idea what he’s talking about or how hard and soul crushing prison really is. That’s just him wanting to have his freedom and not have to explain it to you. Also if he really said bars and clubs thats just a joker. He just wants to party and doesn’t want to settle down. Any married guy that misses the club and would rather be there with other women and single people isn’t going to be the family man you want. And if he’s acting like your holding him in prison when your actually just asking him for the bare minimum as a husband and father that’s a red flag. Wanting to get out once kn awhile isn’t abnormal. But wanting to party like a single guy at the club is weird. Either way it’s a very hurtful thing for him to say. I know you’re just wanting him to want to be home with you all the time and be happy. And maybe the point is you want him to want to go out with you. He should do that too. You can’t control what anyone else is going to do. So you might as well work it out with him and find out what he really wants to be doing on his free time. Tell him what’s acceptable to you and what just is not ok for you. If he can respect you when he goes out then let him have his time. If he doesn’t respect things are boundaries for you then tell him to hit the road.
You had a baby and haven’t left the house in almost a year. Start there…it sounds like you have put you both in prison.
Sounds like he isn’t ready for grown up responsibilities if he can make a family then basically tell you he doesn’t want to spend time with you or help with baby I’m guessing I suggest therapy if he refuses that I would tell him don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya because in the long run him speaking to you that way will cause your mental health to deteriorate not saying he’s a narcissist but I recently left a narcissistic relationship and this sounds like he is he either needs to agree to get therapy weather it’s couples therapy or just for him to talk to someone if he does not do they and continues to act that way towards you it’s best he goes it doesn’t sound healthy
Ack let him go but tell him to leave his key until he grows up and realises it’s not all about him now…his actions will show what he wants…I’m sick of men acting like an extra kid… The grass is only greener where you water it , good luck .
It’s time to split up honey simple as that I would suggest working at it but yeah
I’m all about honesty and glad he communicated with you but he used some poor choice words which makes him sounds dumb and immature because imagine what you went through carrying these babies for 9 months and maybe dealing with postpartum depression or whatever. Maybe therapy can help and if you can splurge on a sitter try having a date nite.
Also he needs to realize you haven’t had any friend interaction either
Girl he cheating on you😑let his ass go, he ain’t shit!
You go out and leave him with the kids for a few nights , him feel what he thinks about prison .
Well give him parole and cut him loose. ￼￼
At sone point he has to prioritise. Yeh being out at bars and stuff with mates is fun but now I have a family I would rather spend every free minute I have with them.
Give him the choice to be out at bars and clubs or he with his family … a night out every now and again is ok but not all the time
Tell him to leave he’s already checked out believe me
For good holidays or no holidays
From a guys pov is he “allowed” out without a fight? If not then that’s probably the root of the problem. It’s unfortunate so many people are willing to throw a relationship away because their partner talked about how they feel…sad world we live in
He is a manchild and not mature enough to be a husband and father.
You are not doing anything wrong-
See a lawyer.
Has he ever been to prison?
It sounds like a midlife crisis or he doesn’t know how good he has it. But I’d tell him it’s 50/50 u get to go out I get to go out
I think it’s time he be patrolled permanently. Get rid of him. He’s a child.