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QUESTION:
"So I usually go over to my parents during the day, since my husband is working and I get bored. Well Tuesday, I went over there to spend time and possibly color my hair. Well, my dad told me, I should take a break going over there. That my mom, needs a break and doesn't want to be rude and he doesn't want to be rude either about me coming over. The place I currently live in makes me feel super unsafe. He also told me to not tell my mom he said that. I literally went over there two days this week. I am literally hurt over this, my sister literally has my parents watch her kid all the time. Where I barely ask for anything or for help, I was gonna ask for help this week. But changed my mind. I never really had a good relationship with my (step) dad.
Like I have been fighting not to cry or break down in front of my husband or kids. I feel like bringing it up to my mom, but at the same time, I don’t want to. I have no clue what to do, at this point, I don’t even want to ask them to help us move. Even though they will help.
I am hurt and lost on what to do"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Talk to your mom & see if that’s how she really feels. I understand being hurt, but just listen to her side of it. If you don’t like being where you live, maybe find something to do during the day… go to the library and take online classes, join a woman’s group to meet new people, start a new hobby, etc."
"I’d talk to your mom about what boundaries she would like to set in place and ask if she feels you’ve broken/overstepped any unspoken ones. Try to keep your emotion out of the conversation to get a better read on hers."
"I think you should talk to your mom about it too. Preferably your mom and Dad together so he can’t lie his way out of it. Let them know you just want to have an honest and open dialogue so you can understand why they don’t seem to want you around, and why they prefer your sister."
"I would talk to your mom about it. She may never had said this. When someone tells me not to say something I usually do. I mean certain things I wouldn’t but in this case I would."
"the fact hes saying not to tell your mum he said that in my opinon she doesnt know about this and he is putting how he feels across and not your mum. best having a chat with your mum"
"If he doesn’t want you to tell your mom and if you feel like you’ve done nothing wrong , maybe it’s just him who doesn’t want you there. since you stated there isn’t a good relationship there. I would def bring it up to mom not in a arguing matter but an honest conversation."
"It’s important to have healthy boundaries, there is nothing wrong with them needing space, I don’t see it any different than a mom and or in law stopping in all the time… i actually had to have a talk with my mom about coming over so much, I love her more than anything. She’s an AMAZING grandma to my sweet babe, but sometimes we need family time… and that’s okay! It doesn’t mean I love her any less. I appreciate all she does, sometimes you just need a little space! I wouldn’t get too upset! But if it really is bothering you that much, maybe talk to your mom and explain how you’re feeling. You have a right to your feelings!"
"Say something to your mom. Something doesn’t seem right"
"Talk to mom. But also maybe don’t do things like color your hair at their place."
"Yikes. Talk to your mom. If that’s her true feelings, then so be it… but what if he’s lying? He said dont tell your mom. That sounds like elementary drama. Get to the bottom of it"
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