Literally the exact same situation here, including the birth. Good luck
My mil didn’t see me and the babies till 24plus hours after at which point I was ok. They need to respect your wishes especially with a little one when it comes to exposure
Advise go to relationship counseling because your dude should have never brought her in when you were in the hospital
The birth of her grandchild is an important day for your mother-in-law as well. I have 7 grandchildren and was in the hospital for hours waiting on each to be born and was even asked to be in the birthing room with my youngest. I wouldn’t trade that experience for the world. As for her being an essential worker, I can understand your initial reaction to this so-called virus, but the curve has been flattened and it’s time to start getting back to real life, even if you do so slowly - have her come see the baby, make sure she uses hand sanitizer and wears a mask, if that makes you feel more comfortable. Otherwise, you are depriving both your child and his grandmother of precious quality time that you won’t ever be able to get back.
This infuriated me!!! It’s your child your rules…she had her chance! It’s a matter of respect for u. Your husband needs to respect u too. There are plenty of other options for her to be involved. I had issues with my mother in law at first two. With my first son I just asked that she call before she came over to make sure it was convenient and she ran around telling everyone she had to make an appointment. I stood my ground and have continued too throughout the years and she now has more respect even though she might complain at times. You are entitled to the hard feelings and to make your decisions your way. Tell hubby to get on board! But also be reasonable in trying to find ways to include her on ur terms.
That’s is your baby to protect mother’s in law needs to back off
My mom’s worked the whole time and I’ve not kept her grandchildren from her.🤷 You don’t have to let them hug and all that shit if you are worried, but a visit in the yard should be ok.
Yeah let’s punish the MIL for being essential. Geez she could die and never lay eyes on her grandchild because of selfishness. As long as MIL wears protective gear I don’t see why not. I love my husband to death and I would never make him choose. His mother means the world to him and it would be like actually throwing a blow out if I excluded her from her grandchild’s life. Cause who knows when this is going away. Probably never so MIL will never get to see her grandbaby if that’s the case.
Nothing you can do honestly except stand your ground. She is going to act however she acts. You cant change her behavior but you can change how it affects (effects? Idk) you. Water off a ducks back! Quack! Quack!
We are all doing the best we can, ignore the haters. You are doing great fellow mommy!
What is her essential position? If she is in the hospital caring for patients then I can understand. If you are starting a power struggle then everyone loses? How you treat her is how your child may treat you since day!
There are a lot of entitled mother in laws/grandmothers on this post. I’m the one pushing the kid out, it’s my choice who gets to be in there. Get over yourself.
YOU ARE THAT BABYS MOTHER. YOU DONT HAVE TO LET ANYONE MEET HER UNTIL YOU ARE GOOD AND READY. I cant believe all these grandmas bumping their gums talking about its selfish!IF YOU DONT LIKE IT HAVE YOUR OWN BABY.
I’m so different. Our babies have all had delayed family introductions. With my last birth, we didn’t let my husbands family see the baby for 5 days. I didn’t even tell my parents until the day after I came home from the hospital!
How are you going to feel when you get a grandchild and you get shut out
It was a month before my mom got to see my girls due to this pandemic because she’s a nurse. Then after so many days my mom asked if she could see them because she hadn’t dealt with anymore covid patients in the 14 day period. Our rules after that have been no kisses . Before we saw my mom my munchkins would facetime her and talk to her on the phone all the time. Maybe have MIL facetime the baby just so she can see the baby and talk. It may help her
Good luck. Sounds like if it’s not one thing, it’ll be another. Pick ya battles I guess my advice would be.
My mother in law went 2 months without seeing our daughter just bcuz she didnt want to risk getting her sick (essential worker). So your mother in law (in my opinion) is being selfish.
Doesn’t matter what y’all opinions are about COVID… grandma needs to learn boundaries. If mom says no… then that’s the end of it. Period.
Also, your man needs to get on your side. Him bringing her to the hospital when you said no is a fucked up thing to do.
I would never expect my son to put me before his wife… especially when she’s giving birth…
Be the bad guy 🤷 you’re thinking about your baby’s health and safety, if she can’t see that then thats her problem
She can visit shes grandma
I’m sorry. Mothers generally stay in the hospital so little time it wouldn’t hurt to give them privacy the first 24 hrs. And people with good sense who may have possibly come in contact with covid should stay away from children and the elderly. That way that child will have the chance to grow up healthy and be around a long time to visit with.
A lot of people are not seeing family due to covid. Maybe try to update by sending pics or video things like that. And as far as when baby was born I am about to have my fifth and my own mother was there for one because my fiancé couldn’t be and she even wasn’t in room until afterwards, I personally don’t want anyone in when I’m in labor
Yes your completely right to be hurt about the hospital situation not everyone wants visitors and that is fine. Tell your MIL that once she is quarintined for 2 weeks and tests negative she can see the baby as much as she wants as a essential employee I understand where your coming from it sucks not being able to see family and I miss them but I’m not going to go off on them when they say I can’t come over because I’m an essential worker. Your mil can video chat or do a visit thru the window she doesn’t get to be an entitled dick about a child that’s not hers
Grandparents are important. I understand trying to protect your child. But statistics say there’s a low risk with children and babies. Take precautions and let her see her grandchild. Remember one day you’ll be in her position. Just my opinion. But you are the mother. It’s ultimately up to you and the father.
Depends on your relationship- I visit my MIL with my kids all the time. She named my 4th kid and was in the room for my 5th kid. But my family has it takes a village type of vibe.
It’s your child it’s your business how you care for your son move over grandma I’m a nana of 7 by the way:hugs:
Sounds like they have both not respected your wishes in the past and don’t listen to anyone. Your kid, not theirs!
Your child. Your choice. Don’t let others guilt or bully you into anything with YOUR KID. That’s not love.
I’m sorry. I’m a grandmother and thank God I didn’t have to go through anything like that. That would have really been hard. But your baby has no voice right now. So you have to protect your child regardless of what others think. And if they love the baby as much as you then they wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to the baby. we just have to put the baby’s first.
I’m not a grandma, so I don’t know where she is coming from, but as a mother and an essential worker, I fully support your decision to keep an infant away from an essential worker. Honestly, COVID is not as bad as they have made it out to be. But it is as bad as they have made it out to be for the young, the old and the immune compromised. With a seven month old, I wouldn’t be taking him around anyone right now.
As for the delivery, I agree and disagree. No matter how you delivered, it’s a private moment and I can understand wanting some rest after going through giving birth and wanting a few minutes alone with the baby that you just carried for 9 months. Your husband was in the wrong there. You both should have decided and agreed on who would be there waiting for AFTER you delivered and we’re situated in your room.
There may be more to the story that we aren’t aware of, but when a mother makes a decision for her child, no matter the age of the child, and that decision doesn’t put the child in harms way, the mother (or fathers) wishes should be honored.
My daughter who is 5 is not going around anyone outside of household not even my mother for the fact that she is an essential worker. Yes her dad is an essential worker but we live in the same home … I do not feel like I owe explanation to anyone for my decisions when it comes to my child and there health… thank God my mom completely understands… she has my daughters health on her heart! We do driveway visits and FaceTime… hopefully this will pass soon and if not u keep doing what u feel is best… they say a mother knows best for a reason … Do not listen to some of these people!!
First off. You are not the only one fighting this exact fight. My MIl is essential and IMO in a high risk position. But we recent had this blow out fight over them not seeing their grandson. They finally agreed to a compromise of meet at a park and to keep appropriate distance from us. If possible find a middle ground you are comfortable with. If that cant be done then you are the parent and make the rules for their safety.
I dont agree with this but thats my opinion. I had my man & my mother in law in the same room when I gave birth both times. To each their own.
I totally get not wanting anyone in the room but not sure why you didn’t want her in the hospital AT ALL? As far as not wanting your essential working MIL around I’m guessing no one else in the home or that sees the baby is an essential worker? Because if they are it’s being petty, if they are not then I understand your decision. Make sure you’re keeping her away for the right reason or you will regret it later. I’ve seen several people drive a wedge between their husband and his family for no good reason. Not saying that you are. I’m sure you don’t want to risk your relationship with your husband or your child. I was kept from my dad’s side for no good reason and I resent it. I missed out on another set of grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles.
Ring her and explain that you are worried because of her job. Your child your rules end of !! You have the final say. Do not let anyone try to tell you otherwise. Only do what you are comfortable with.
You have the divine right to protect your offspring.
I’m going to say this once… It is a mother’s responsibility to PROTECT HER CHILD. Period. End of story. It is not selfish. It is called being a parent. Protecting your baby, who has ZERO immunities to really anything in the world yet, is your job as mother. Keep on doing what you’re doing girlfriend. As long as your baby is safe and cares for that is all that matters.
Tell her she needs to follow your rules and not go behind your back to your husband like MILs do. Then tell your husband to either back you up or he can go live with her.
Bottom line, you’re protecting your child. They either fall in line or get left behind.
Why are you so hateful towards her? Shes a woman too has the same parts has given birth and raised the kids…she can teach you plenty if you let down your walls and let her in
Grandmas are very special people…your lucky to have one available dont be so ungrateful what I would do to have a granny for my kids…
I’m an essential worker and sometimes don’t even go home (healthcare worker). I have an immunocompromised husband and a child at home with asthma. We’ve made it clear that nobody is to be around them until we’re sure they’re clear. It sucks, but I’ve seen covid-19 first hand and what it can do. One of our doctors almost lost his life to it.
She’ll get over it. You do what’s best for YOUR baby!
It’s your kid. You have every right to say who can and cannot see him. If she wants to pitch a fit , block her so you don’t have to hear it when she decided to grow up and think rationally, let her back in
There’s nothing wrong with keeping your baby safe. It may be hard in the family but that is your choice. We had my mother in-law quarantine for 2 weeks bedtime she could see our newborn. I just couldn’t risk him getting sick being so young and defenseless.
Everyone posting “she should have… I’m a grandma… etc. Etc.” The sense of entitlement is TOXIC. Your MIL needs to respect your boundaries, hard stop. You can communicate the reasons with your partner and his main priority should be your comfort, health, and safety. No one is entitled to your child. They may not like or agree with your choices, but they need to respect them. For all the Grandma’s, you’re not the mother. You got to raise your children how you saw fit and under different conditions and circumstances. You don’t get to infringe on someone’s parenting experience because you are excited and want to see your grandchild. If you do feel entitled to do that then YOU are wrong and you’re causing a rift in your family. Its selfish, its juvenile and its disrespectful.
Your child, your rules!!
That’s just like people who dont want their babies around first, second and third hand smoke!!
Stand your ground and stick to your guns!
See Amanda, I’m not making no comments
First of all, you have a right not to have your mother in law see your crotch being torn apart by a baby, second, baby health comes first
I’ve had MIL issues for 12 years girl. Just a few days ago she was blowing up my phone with rude yell-y texts in all caps because I told her I needed space previously (because she’s literally just too much for me 99% of the time) and now we’re trying to schedule a time to talk things over & she will not budge at all on how & when & where this talk is going to be, even though I’ve already compromised about 3-4 times to accommodate her. My only advice would be to continue to put your foot down. He’s your child. She can grow up & deal with it or she can sulk, feel sorry for herself & then pin the blame on you to make herself feel better
It would be interesting to know if your mom was allowed in the hospital AT ALL. I understand the social distancing issue. Call her and have a conversation about it.
My sister is an essential worker and she keeps her self away from me and my kids… 💁
Your kid your rules… Just keep to yourself .
It’s pretty obvious you really dislike your MIL. I mean I get the whole delivery part but once your dressed and all is kind of cold. Anyways you should do whatever you feel is right for your child. Regardless if you don’t like her your kids safety comes first. Some people are annoying and this COVID19 thing is a perfect way to keep them away. People that want to see each other find ways to do so. Idk your kid deserves his grammas love too as long as it’s safe.
Well you’re the mother do what you think is best. Why do grand parents think they can control these things? You’re the parent and you need to make that clear they aren’t entitled to anything with it comes to your child
First off he should’ve respected you from the beginning. Delivery is tough enough but as a mom you make ground rules to protect your child period. I’d rather be the bad guy than the mom in the hospital with a sick child. As a mother herself she should respect your choice. This is for your babies safety. It’s not a game and it shouldn’t be an argument. Stay strong
I have a lot of friends who are essential workers for their own children’s sake they stayed away. What kind of grammy would want to hurt her grandchild. My husband and I stayed away from our son and his family cause of his job. It was very hard but his wife was afraid and I understand. Did it hurt yes. But I would of felt even worse if one of us got the virus. These are tough times. U are right in worrying about ur child.
I’m an essential worker. I work in a hospital. So I dont visit my own kids for this reason. I’ve seen them twice since March. That was for their bday. I love them enough to not expose them.
I’m a grandmother of 6. I didn’t see much of my grandchildren in our lockdown. Only a couple times. I made sure I kept the 1.5 metres safe distance but I wasn’t working as my shops closed cause of the lockdown and only went out for food or to see my fiance as I’m his carer a couple times a week
U want ur kid around germs to be healthier or they will be septical to every things
Well my ex MIL was a toxic narcissist; I’m divorced and still recovering because her apple didn’t fall far from her tree. I did keep my son from her and every time I acquiesced so regretted it. I have made sure that whole family is at a distance. Protect your son. If she can’t wait covid out it’s about her not him. Face Time if she needs a visit.
I am a grandma but your baby your rules hadn’t seen my grandchildren for 12 weeks except at a distance mil needs to cut back
Tell her that you are absolutely thrilled she is excited to see the baby and as a mother, keeping the baby safe and healthy is no malicious intent towards her or anyone else. If she refuses to believe it is any other way then you have no control over that!
For future note if you let your nurses know you don’t want her there they will have her removed until you say it’s ok. She may sit in the waiting room but she will not be in your personal room. If hubby doesn’t like it too bad he’ll get over it or he’ll miss it.
Was your mother at the delivery? I have been in your MIL’s shoes. I didn’t see my 4th grandson until he was 6 months old. She only wanted her mother there. I understand that, but my son is the Daddy & I wanted to enjoy the 2nd baby they had. She requested I not be there, so I wasn’t…but it sure did hurt my feelings…oh BTW, I’m a nurse & this was before COVID-19
From the first “I did not want her around after baby’s birth” makes me think this is not just a virus issue, but I don’t know her situation. I personally believe babies can not have too many people love them. One day she will be a grandmother and might ask herself is she would be upset over not being in her grandchild’s life? There are many ways to see and enjoy your grandchildren while virus is active. Technology can have you right there for a visit, picture or video. Yes a hug is best. Now that our state has open up in stage 3 we went to our great-granddaughter’s small birthday party. Had not seen her for 5 months, because she was in day care and we are in our 70’s. PS She was a 1lb 4oz premie, so we learned how important hand washing was.
Don’t have her around you all or your baby. Not safe. I am a little concerned that you didn’t want her at the hospital at all after you gave birth. Is there something about her you do not like or her for whatever reason. The birth of a grandchild is so special to grandparents. I think there is something going on with your relationship with her. I totally agree with since she is an essential worker no contact with the baby
I am sure she follows guild lines to stay germ free This is that child’s grandma get a grip with life !! woman that do this to there husband mom parents are very insecure grow up she loves that grand child!
Embarrassing? Ha. My MIL helped bath me after my c-section.
As far as covid19 exposure. I get it. My twins were NICU babies so we are extra cautious. You could try to find some com m.j on ground as a show of good faith. Maybe let her come over for an hour once every 2 weeks. Check temp, wear a mask, wash hands, and if the weather nice make it an outside visit. Tell her to keep her face away as much as possible. And when she leaves, everyone change clothes and sanitize again.
My daughter felt the same way . I was able to self quarantine for 2 weeks prior to seeing grandchildren . Also was tested for covid . A mother has a right to protect her children . Yes we take precautions but this virus is scary and I understand her concern .
My mother wasn’t in the delivery room but my mil was and she gave me such great support im so glad i had her with me she is the best my mom chooses not to be there and to finally get someone that cares for u just as much is amazing she now takes her to her house and keeps her over night or two night whatever she wants and its such great help as i have 4 children 3 from a previous relationship be glad you have some one to help you once you really need it you never know and in a blink of an eye everything changes!
It sounds to me like it’s a issue between you and your mil not your child and your mil. I would say definitely be careful with visits. But it sounds like there’s been issues between the two of you.
You are not wrong at all. Try doing some Zoom calls or face time to make sure she can see the baby.
Whenever I read these type of stories I almost always believe there are a lot more issues going on. Probably time to have family counseling intervene.
My parents both work in hospitals, this weekend we met them at dq and had icecream outside( they sat at a different table than us social distancing as well). That was the first time they have seen my kids since this started… and my youngest is 9. Do what you have to and keep your kiddo safe… and don’t feel guilty about it. (Staying away was also something my dad said is important, he said it just isnt worth the risk, and he is a pharmacist)
I am a mom aunt and hope to be a grandma someday. My family has all waited in the waiting room to meet the new member to be born it was never an issue. To what degree of essential worker is your MIL make your decision but keep your feelings and heart out of it just the facts. Does your husband work outside the house I know daycares are open here.
If he brought her in the room while you were still spread eagle then he was in the wrong there. As for now, I dont blame you for keeping her away if you are keeping the baby from everyone. My husband is a nurse, he straps outside, puts his clothes in the wash and showers before he even tells us hi. But if you guys aren’t staying away from EVERYONE then there’s no use keeping her away from him.
Your baby your choice! It’s your baby’s health put at risk. Ask her how guilty she would feel if she gave covid 19 to your son and he died? That might put some things in perspective for her.
Just tell her the true but it’s hard not seeing grand baby if you are use to seeing them everyday even those we are only grandparent we love them more than anything
You sound selfish and controlling and you are using your child to control husband and mother in law ,I have a daughter in law just like you my grandson is 9 now and she is still playing that game,and I’m the only grandparent, just hurtful, hateful
My DIL had her baby in April. She would not allow my BIL to even visit until he stopped traveling around and self isolate for fourteen days. Finely he was allowed to visit with his first grandchild, a boy.
Sounds like you’re the bad guy to me. She is your husbands mother and deserves to be just as involved as your mother. The hospital situation was ridiculous. I could see her not being in there while you’re pushing your baby out but there’s no reason she couldn’t come shortly after.
Have her wear a mask. Get over the hospital visitation thing. She is his grandmother…how can having a grandparent who loves this baby be such a threat to you? Grow up . You are not trying to protect your baby…you are protecting your power.
I think it was sad you didn’t allow her to see her grandchild when it was born. Being an essential worker I’m sure she would’ve had all her protection gear on. The baby being home I agree the baby should not be exposed to anyone outside the home.
I agree you should keep a distance for now. She as an essential worker should understand
Always the same if you have sons you have to stand back if it’s a daughter there is no problem I know been there had the tee shirt but I agree with the visiting at the moment with what’s going on with the virus but remember it’s the child that suffers in the end your mother in law has as much rights as your mother to bond with the baby
Sounds like you are you need to realize grandmothers are so excited with a new grandbaby and it really hurts them to not be allowed to be there for the birth
MIL would have to accept how you are handling the health concerns, in order to protect the family household. You have to stand your ground, no matter who’s feelings it hurts. This too shall pass.
Question: do you treat mother in law the same as your mother? Treat them equal so if your mom or any family member on your side doesn’t come around then she needs to respect that. Right the baby is too small. Communication is a must learn to use the power of the word with kindness.
Both me and my husband are essential workers. When Covid started we knew the risks and no matter how painful it was we stayed away from our grandbabies. And guess what…we both came down with Covid. I spent 8 days in the hospital and still recovering. If we would have been selfish we would have seen our grandbabies and passed something to them. These are tough times for families but i have no doubt there will be a vaccine. I refuse to be selfish by insisting to see my grandbabies. Use facetime or whatever you have to let your MIL see her grandbaby. Send pictures daily. Our kids do that and is it ideal…no. But we all will get through this. This is here to stay just like the flu. There will be a vaccine and things will get somewhat back to normal.
Stand your ground and have a talk with your husband as to why it’s very important to you. Your mil should understand
Grandparents have rights and this sounds like a personal issue …
Were your parents allowed at the hospital? If yes, then I can understand why she feels left out. I would have felt the same way. I understand keeping her separate now, but hopefully you are doing things that allow her to see the baby digitally or through a window. Build the bridge now because the longer the rift and hurt feelings persist, the easier it becomes to not fix things.
There are many, many ways to video chat so you have other options now. Try one.
Skype call her with the baby like daily. Itll show her your making an effort. I think theres a lot of people out there thinking coronavirus isnt real, but as a mother I wouldn’t risk it either. She’ll come around
Sounds more like your using corona as an excuse, If you didnt even want her in the hospital when you gave birth SEVEN months ago before this all started
Yep your the problem sounds like you don’t like the mil for whatever reason get over it she is the grandmother
Sounds like you are the problem
Your child, your laws.
Have a heart to heart talk with her. I’m sure she’ll understand. I would.
I was in the delivery Room for my grandson’s birth I was the in law it was the best thing I had ever done to see him brought into this world a child my son helped create, dont hurt the mother in laws feeling need to remain on good terms for the child’s sake
She’s neither petty or a jerk! There is NO WAY IN HELL I would have let my MIL at either of my kids birth. She stresses me out on a normal day, let alone then!