"My mother-in-law is constantly making comments about how much I weigh...I do not get it. Their family is all super skinny and fit, and she is constantly asking me if I want to diet with her and work out with her. I am 5'8 and weigh 200lbs and know I have some weight to lose, but I feel fine about how I look. All of her comments make me so insecure, and my husband grew up with this, so he does not see an issue with the things she says to me. I don't even want to visit anymore, but he keeps telling m that I am overreacting. What do I do?"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
"Next time, walk up to her, hug her and tell her that no matter what your appearance that you will always be the same caring, loving compassionate, understanding daughter in law that you have always been and that you will always love her the same regardless if you weigh 120 lbs or 300 lbs. Smile and walk away."
"Tell her you appreciate that she’s thoughtful enough to include you in things she likes to do, however bodies come in all shapes and sizes, including mine & yours. Then if there’s a physical activity you like to do (biking, hiking, dancing, swimming, etc,) invite her to come with you on an outing."
""Thanks for the invite, but I feel great about myself today. I believe in a life of self love, and my children will not learn body shame from me. If ever I feel I would like to do something about my weight or if I choose to start working out, weight or not, I'll be sure to consult a professional.""
"Call her out on it! Tell her we come in all shapes and sizes and you hope that she can learn to love you just the way you are. You'll feel so much better."
"You need to tell him that although it is something he is accustomed to it hurts your feelings and makes you feel insecure. If he still does not understand then I would just tell him you won't continue to put yourself in those situations with your MIL. It isn't good for your mental health."
"Tell her that you’re perfectly content with the way you are and if she’s not, then it’s her problem to work on/deal with. There’s nothing wrong with kindly, tactfully, and respectfully telling someone to go to hell, in such a way that they might look forward to the trip."
"I would just open up a snack cake, take a bite and tell her you aren’t interested in her diet tips."
"Tell her the only weight you're losing is the weight of her and anyone else's opinion."
"'I’m happy with how I look and feel healthy, but if you’re asking me because you want to spend time together that could be fun, but maybe we do something we both enjoy?!'”
"Stand up for yourself. Tell him that it actually does upset you she does that and if he respects you then he’d say something to her. He should’ve by now. Also, since she wants to put you down, do her how she does you. Pick out flaws on her and make it a point to tell her about them, you can do that in a nice way that’ll still get your point across. The way she talks to you, talk to her. Some people will put you down and not care until you speak up and do them the same. You can try to address her first and tell her you don’t like how she talks to you and she needs to stop but if she doesn’t then pick out her flaws. Stand up for yourself, don’t play the victim. You can stand your ground if you choose to."
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