I am at my wits end with my mother-in-law. My husband and I just got married a little over a month ago and I swear he is still attached to her nipple. She still manages our bank account, HER NAME IS ON OUR BANK ACCOUNT. If she thinks we are spending too much, she will call us and tell us not to spend any money. She literally calls him every single day and makes sure he’s okay and asks him if he needs anything. Which fine, whatever…she has a right to check on him. But she wouldn’t even leave us alone on our HONEY MOON. I feel like I am going to burst. I just found out I was pregnant and I don’t want this hellacious woman to also try and micromanage our child. I have tried talking to my husband about this but he doesn’t seem to think any of this is an issue. What should I do?? I love my husband so much but I really thought once we got married, his mother wouldn’t be like this. Am I over reacting??
Was this not an issue before the wedding?
I’m sure it was that way when you were dating, why did you get married?! Can’t complain now & nothing is gonna chance because you accepted it.
No way Either her or me and the baby and I would have her name off that bank account asap
No, you’re not and they never change. This should have been addressed before marriage, because it will continue until she dies.
Get your own bank account separate from your husband and his Mom’s.
You should have addressed this way before you married the guy in my opinion. She probably doesn’t see anything wrong with what she is doing.
move away!! change accounts… you knew this before you got married. just an FYI did you honestly think it was going to change no just get worse…
U didn’t know what u were signing up for guess since u have a problem now, tell her to fuck off:woman_shrugging:
Girl, you married the wrong guy, It’s only going to get worse if your husband does not let go of that nipple! You will end up in divorce or therapy. Wish you would have seen this before you said I DO! If you did, that was your poor choice, deal with it i suppose . smdh
Mother in laws like that are the worst. Get your own account. Cut her out where you can and distance yourself from her. Set boundaries for yourself.
Get Help Now Or Get Out!
If he doesn’t see it as a problem it won’t change. I am sure it was the same while dating so you knew what you were getting.
YOU. SIGNED.UP.FOR.IT !!! (It was like this before you got married and you still said “I DO”)
You have to put a end to it now he gave you the right to make the change when he married you cause aint no man alive ok with his mamas name on his bank account woman you better get your house straight for you and him!
You ignored a major red flag, that was a issue that needed to be addressed long before wedding proposal much less the actual marriage, can’t help you
You might have to teach him how to be a man.
Time for a Woman War.
Go to the bank and get her name off the account.
Why would you marry such a weak boy, can’t call him a man, sorry.
All the red flags were there before the marriage
Get your own account. Set boundaries. If boundaries aren’t respected tootles.
Are you idiot? Doesn’t anyone talk before they get married
I think should talk to your husband let him know how u feel let him know that you married him not his mother
You knew how their relationship was before you married him.
You need to talk.My boys left me to be men.YOUR his partner now.He did not marry Mom…but Do not cross the line he sets…or he be back with Momma.
Your husband and mother were like this before you married him… doubt it will change…
Take your money out of that account until he can cut the cord with her. This is ridiculous. If you don’t nip this in the butt now (it should have been taken care of a long time ago) it will never end. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel but don’t make it out to be like you want him to choose between the 2 of you though.
If the mom is under his bank account then maybe she is helping her son who’s credit is bad and if she is telling you guys not to spend too much, that’s cus she don’t want to end up with bad credit or later on needs to help u guys with money.
Its ridiculous how pushy n intrusive mothers of men can be! Id be embarrassed to act that way with my sons! The mother needs to get a life! Go play bingo you old fuckn nag!!
she need to find and get her some business.
First you have to women up stop letting this women run your house and finance. Set your man straight on how you feel and what rules yall need to were his mom is concerned. If he can’t except it move on. You have a kid on the way and I promise you she will have a say on how you raise your child from clothes to food to everything. Best of luck!
I think this is a very common, illogical and unfair attitude women have. Do I think it’s right his mom is that involved, no I do not but I would have never married him without discussing those things first. You signed up for this, it’s not a new behavior and you need to be more patient with them both and maybe talk with mil about how as his wife you want to take over those duties she performs. With a baby on the way i would do this now and not wait.
I would suggest getting her off of the bank account, for you’re adults and expect to be treated as such. If that is a no from the mother in law, then I would look at an annulment. Take the baby and run. That’s what I would do. I definitely wouldn’t put up with her micromanaging.
Runnnnnnn that baby wont be yours it will be hers.
Go get your own account…then she dont have access to it? If he doesnt see a problem with it, it wont stop. Honestly this was going on prior to your marriage, you should’ve seen it before the wedding being an issue and tried addressing it then… Things typically dont change…
Get another bank account, and put your foot down now
Odd question … was it this way before you married him or did the situation turn into this after you said I do? If it was like this before you got married (which I am assuming it was) why not attempt to set boundaries beforehand?! If you knowingly went into a marriage and are now bringing children into a situation you are not happy with, the blame has to fall on you. As the old saying goes, you made your bed … I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth
Sorry there is no help for this! #1 this existed BEFORE you married him
#2 why did you even put your name on a bank account that had her name on it?
#3 the fact that he doesn’t think there’s a problem is a problem!
I think you are wrong for thinking things would change when you married. You accepted this while dating, engaged and now married. These are things you fix before you marry not after. You can solve the financial issue by opening your own account if you are working and are contributing to the account this way there is no mother in law in your accounts.
No your not tell her to back off remove her from bank account
Had to 2 mother in laws like that…oops think u married the mother not the man…run darling
This marriage isn’t going to last if it continues. He needs to break from his mother or you’ll never be happy.
Set boundaries now fast and hard otherwise it will get a million times worse when she finds out ur prego
Open another bank account to start!
Give him the choice one or the other if he can’t man up you may as move on now because the question left is when .
What’s to say she won’t decide she is the better person to bring up your child
simple, get a divorce. I mean nothing wrong with being a filial son, but a parennt should have boundaries. if your husband can’t get out of his mother’s skirt just tell him to marry his mom and leave with your child. Show him you are a strong woman and won’t take shit, even if it’s from your own mother in law. High time he chooses between being a man or being a child. And high tine for your mother in-law to lay off.
Sadly, someone is going to be hurt in this situation, if you don’t do anything -you suffer, if you demand her to be removed -he is in a sour spot, if you talk to her - she may be offended…
But because there is no winner immediately doesn’t mean you can’t work on a better future, communication is key even if feelings get hurt, you aren’t physically harming or causing issues by speaking up.
Talk to him : I want OUR marriage to be ours and this is OUR baby, I don’t want to push your mother from our family because she is a major role in life. Bu there needs to be boundaries, she has no business seeing our personal information, because it is not just yours it is also mine. But you have to be on board with me because it should never be me vs you two, it should be me and you as a team… setting up boundaries in a mature fashion isn’t harmful. If she pity parties or throws a fit , he needs to be told : would you humor a tantrum from our child? Then don’t humor a tantrum from a grown woman…
After you have a conversation with him, and show how upset you are, make sure you confirm he is on your side, don’t let him shrug it off or make it seem like a big deal. Because it is, these are foundations you must build.
Then you can have a discussion together with his mother and always reaffirm how much you love and care for her, make sure you explain to her how much you want her in your lives in a healthy way. And ask for equal respect .
But he MUST have your back… it’s better to have him lead in this situation because it is his mother, so he has to be all in.
Jesus. Shut that account down and open another without her…your hubby needs to grow a pair of balls tbh
Take her name off yr account omg how could u even let her control you both like that … she sounds like an unbearable mother In law xx stop it now before you have yr baby it will only get worse x
No you are not over reacting.
Tell him to go fuck his momma
Run forrest run…
If he won’t set the boundaries YOU set the boundaries.
He’s got to cut the apron strings. Get your own acct. I doubt he’s going to change much so you may just have to pick your battles. I would definitely set things straight before you deliver your child. Otherwise you think its hell now. Just wait till she has a grandchild. Game changer!
Sounds like you should of made him leave the titty Before you actually married him
U knew this going in…he will get rid of u first…i hope u not over 21
Open your own bank account find someone else who needs our help and then tell her and well you married him
Sounds like my first marriage. Yes you read that right FIRST MARRIAGE. Although he was not attached to his momma nipple when we were dating. After we got married and got pregnant he thought that he and his bitch ass momma can control me and avoid me seeing my parents. They did want my baby to see my parents. That was the last straw I DIVORCED him immediately because I knew he was not going to change. 10 years later he’s still attached to that nipple and he not a father to my daughter. You need to either put a stop to it now or divorce him.
No, you’re not. I’d sever their co-dependency. It’s not healthy. You’re all adults, so you don’t need to be parented. She is intruding and he’s allowing it. Time to put your foot down.
How did you not know this before you were married ? Tell her politely to butt out , tell him to go get his balls out of her purse.
No. Fuck no. I would tell him he has a choice. He can have her and divorce or y’all can cut the cord. Why are you even agreeing to her managing the bank account? I would put my foot down and if he doesn’t like it he can get steppin…in the other direction. And if or when you have children? What then? This is majorly unhealthy.
WTF!!! You set the boundaries not her, you. And if your husband doesn’t back you up, than he’s not for you. You need to open a new account without her name on it. This is nuts.
if he aint stood up for u yet it aint gonna happen…run girl run…red flags everywhere suprised u married him knowning what u know
Maintain your independence because you are going to need it. Get a separate bank account, put CASH away somewhere else to get ready to be on your own. In the coming divorce he will get half of everything that there is records of at the bank. Don’t wait too long to get out of the marriage or he will have claim to your 401k or pension. He is not going to change if it is really as severe as you say.
Tell his momma with all do RESPECT PLEASE STAY IN YOUR LANE PERIODT
No getting married wont change things I was in a relationship like that their sharing bank accounts and he was saying I remind him of her everday I dressed similar or my advice the same and she got a google tracker on him and she planning our dates for us he would be like my mom picked here she’ll never let him grow up its like their married to each other
You should have sorted this out before you got married you saw the red flags before you said yes you should have set rules before hand and good luck that’s crazy
Start your own acct ,block all her calls on your ph ,tell her face to face you are done with her BS and if he cant stand on his own 2 feet ,move along ,move 100 miles away before that baby is born so the courts cant stop you before a divorce, He isnt going to change for his marriage ,for you ,for a baby ,move on .you will have a life of hell.You’ve put up with her managing your money ,your husband and your marriage and now a baby …wth is wrong with you ??straighten his ass out or get out .she has caused marital issues and you both let it happen. Tell her to kiss your ass ,its your husband ,your marriage ,your money ect ,deal with it .
Change ur mother in law… n fuck another man… end story
I’ve been down this road - get out. It’s not your job to raise a “man child”. His mother will never forgive you and spend the rest of her life making you miserable. He will never forgive you for making him face reality. She will take over raising your children. It’s better to start planning your life without him. His mom is a narcissist and will never change. He’s either a narcissist or a “flying monkey”. You will never have a good life if you stay with him.
I hate to say this, but u don’t just marry the man, especially when the family is that close knit. Maybe try opening your own acct, and tell him u will add him when he feels like he is ready to separate his mom from his money. I married into a close knit family and I love it, my mother in law treats me as her own daughter…I have great respect for my mother in law. We don’t always agree, but both of us r adults and can agree to disagree when we need to.
Run girl Run, I wouldn’t of married him in the first place
You people seem to be just giving advise but its not easy to just tell a man to choose between his mother and his wife. The sad tjing is that this situation was here before the marriage, she knew this is how this woman was and she still choose to get married to them. Ir should have been soughted before the marriage, all I can see here is sadnesss because when there is an issue that needs fixing we ignore till it gets out of hand then throw,blame, you need to sit down with both your partner, and come to a resolution, remind her of when she was a young bride, if she would have wanted the unwarranted opinion of her mother in law. Remember a child is involved now, its not about leaving, later that woman can be a great source of help and comfort to you. You never know what is around the bend.
Sounds like one of those creepy mother in law’s on life life time … My advice set your boundaries n tell her to go mind her business before things get worst
She will make your life hell if your pregnant and you dont stomp it out now. She is a control freak and has made her son dependant on her by the sounds of it. Time to break it, take him to therapy maybe so he can see the realtionship is unhealthy. If he sides with her, take your money and run!
where was she during your courting days? were you really under the impression you could change all this? RUN
Been there. Got the divorce. It won’t change.
Nothing worse that being married to a titty baby when you thought you were getting a man! Talk to them both, if nothing changes then you can choose to stay and deal with it or leave while you still have your sanity.
It’s time to backs off mama let him begin his own Journey let him make his own decisions!
Tag them both in this thread haha
Tell him he has a choice you or her. Do not let your baby grow up in this lifestyle
Our Main Road to self destruction. “ I thought he would change after we got married”. Why!??? What indication did he give you that change would happen??!!!
Hubby needs to MAN UP and tell his mom to chill. Or you tell her!! He’s married to you NOT the mother!! Good luck hun!
Girl if he allowed all this before your marriage, why would you think it would change after ?? Hes a mommas boy and hes not going to change. Mommy will always come before you and the baby. I am happily divorced because I married one too. It sucks. Get out now. You will always be second.
Take her name off ya bank account lol I’d have nobody try tell me how to spend my money
I had this same exact problem. Insist on moving away and taking her name off the account. If he doesn’t take your side like a husband should make him choose. Best decision of my life. Either option for you depends on if he is willing to put his wife and child first instead of his mother.
First thing to do…I would open up a separate account for you alone and make sure your money is going in there. She should NOT have access to your funds or to even view your account. Start setting boundaries now for your child’s sake and stick to them. Your hubby needs to see a counselor for his acceptance of her ill behaviour and to get some objective and much needed advice. Good luck.
Beautiful lady. We are sure you love your husband. His mother did not raise him to be a wonderful husband and father, she raised him to be her wonderful son. Have a gentle conversation with your hunsband, go to the bank and remove her name from your joint account and pray. He should be given an opportunity to man up but, my thought, he won’t. It’s easier to have his mother tell “you” to stop spending money instead of the two of you have a discussion on how joint money is spent on bills, etc. Good luck.
Surely you would of sussed this out before you married him ?
no you are not over reacting. It is not likely to change. I don’t know that ultimatums will do anything as he has a dependency issue with his mother. You need more support with this than you can get from strangers on facebook. FInd a counsleor and go by yourself if he will not agree to relationship counseling. Are you sure you want to go through with this pregnancy? It will tie you to him and his mother for at least 18 years.
Things were like this before y’all got married?
Well You are in it now. Your turn to have a talk with his Mom. Tell her you are capable and show her that you are. If no luck. I’d leave, it will never change.
You literally signed up for this nonsense.
How did she got on “yOUR BANK ACCOUNT” or finds the time to be up in your business all the time? Is she the main supporter in your marriage? seems to me something is missing from the story …anyway demand your husband to get his act together and be a man.
Sorry…I recommend getting a dissolution and filing for child support. He is not mature enough or capable of being in a marriage… you are in a creepy threesome… she will win because he has no boundaries and your boundaries are very weak.
No to managing your bank account
It’s up to him not you. You cant change anyone but yourself. Express your concern to him if he isnt willing to see your side as his wife then that is all you need to know about him and bye. Dont ever keep family from each other ever ever ever but a line between mom son and a mamas boy needs to be drawn . No married man with a baby on the way should have his mama on the family bank account. Right there should of been your clue
•You are his number one now. He needs to tell her to back off.
•Open a bank account with just the two of you on it.
•The three of you have a talk - and you be sure to stand your ground now and always with her so this ends - or trust me, it will go on for a lifetime AND it will cause problems in your marriage.
•Each and every time she tries to dominate your marriage and/or parenting, stop it EVERY time. This will teach her that she’s not controlling YOU.
I went through this and let it go for many years. I finally blew up. (She tried to get her son to side with her). You’ll feel better once she is commanded to RESPECT all of you.
Good luck babe. Protect this pregnancy.
My husband and MIL were inseparable up until we got married. And we were in seperate states doing the online thing until the day he came and got me and moved me to where he lived. A month later we got married. He knew the meddling mom would be an issue so he gently set the boundaries and shes been great (even though I know its drives her nuts). Any respectful woman will understand a wife’s role and back off. We had his 1st child (he was 47) and shes been awesome in that area as well. Your MIL is going to do what her son allows. It’s up to him to nip it in the bud or your relationship is going to be hell and destined for disaster.
This is unacceptable. You need to make that clear to them both. But I’m sure you weren’t blindsided by all of this. You had to see the signs before you married him. I would start with us getting our own account.
For better and for worse! This is what you signed up for. You have to be the one to make the changes. Do it sooner rather than later. Begin by opening a new bank account with just you and your husband’s name on it. Transfer the money out of the account with your mother’s name on it into the new account. Seek counseling if you need to. But if your husband can be lead around by his mother the way he has been then you need to step up and assert yourself. Set down the rules on things in your household will run. Staying strong and firm will make your mil know she’s no longer in charge. Be ready for some arguments but stick to it.
Hubby needs to realize he is now married. Mom needs to back the hell up and realize her son is an adult and had she raised him properly he should be a normal functioning adult who contributes to the world without her direction. I’m telling you now put your foot down, remove her name from your private business and sit down with both of them if need be.