My second born is turning 2 on April 4th. Money is a little tight right now so we decided to have a bbq in the park with family. I created the event and invited everyone. I chose Sunday April 3 because the family members that are currently working have weekends off. My husbands mother messaged him and asked why the park when it’s going to be 50 degrees out that day. He told her because we don’t have a lot of money to go somewhere and our boys love the park. She offers to pay for it to be at Chuck E Cheese and asked if that would be okay. We of course said yes and I appreciated that. Then she tells us that the weekends are too busy and we should do it on Tuesday which happens to be my birthday and a lot of the family works. My husband tells her that and then also adds that if we do it Sunday night it’s not busy at all. She keeps insisting on having it on my birthday or doing it the 10th and asking why it’s such a problem. Come to find out the reason she so desperately wants it to be a different day from what we chose is because her daughter and family are going out of town and she doesn’t think it’s fair that the other grandkids will miss it. So the only reason she offered to pay for it was so she could control the date. Everyone else can come including another grandchild but because her other grandkids (her favorites) which have been a known thing in the entire family can’t go she’s throwing a huge fit. I’ve never in my life made someone change the date of their birthday because I can’t go. We never officially changed the location, date or time on the Facebook event page because of her back and fourth . I got tired of the back and fourth and also the fact that she was trying to manipulate the situation to please her daughter. So I changed the event I originally made and put the location to our home now because the weather has changed to cold and raining all day. That way we can do it on the day WE want for OUR son and we pay for it at our home. My mother in law messages my husband going off on him saying “your wife should have bent and let his birthday party happen on her birthday to accommodate your sister and her family”. Her daughter is going out of town 2 hours away to go see her Husbands family that they just saw a week ago. So in my opinion if they really wanted to be at our sons party they would adjust their schedule. We are not angry if they chose to go out their because it’s about OUR son not their family. His mother said they will drop off his gift but will not be attending his party and she is extremely hurt. Are we wrong ? By the way this isn’t the first time they have put their daughter and grandkids over ours. It’s always drama with them and I honestly want to cut them out for this because I don’t want our boys around toxic people.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mother-in-law is trying to change the date of my sons party - Mamas Uncut
NTA at all. This mother in law sounds like a monster in law. I wouldn’t put up with it
Your child, your rules…Simple!
Your not wrong. I’d tell her this date works best for us and if she doesn’t want to come then that’s fine.
Its your son. Keep the party at the park, if she wants to go she can if not oh well
Tell them to not even bring a gift! She sounds crazy!
Do what you and your husband want. They can come by a visit if they cant make it.
Ummm, let’s keep this simple… It’s your child and she offered!!! She has two options; keep her word to her grandchild for that Sunday at Chuck E Cheese, or else it’s at the Park, period! If the other part of the family wants to have a play date after they get back in town then that can be worked out. The child’s date determined their birthdate, no Grandma. Keep living to please everyone else and you will always be Guaranteed to be miserable/unhappy! She can also be there or be square. Her choice!
Stick to the original date, those that can make it, make it… those that can’t, can’t. You can’t please em’ all & after throwing a fit like that, that’s all the more reason I wouldn’t change it.
You’re not wrong. MIL is manipulative and controlling
I would do what you are doing and then on Tuesday if she wants to do something else so whoever else can come, she can. But that your party will be on Sunday.
Oh hell no! You’re doing the right thing. Once you give an inch, she’ll take a mile!
Your child your rules. Do the party when and how you want
Your baby. YOUR baby. Tell her if it’s inconvenient for her, don’t show.
That’s on her! She’s missing the party and that’s on her. You do you!!
Your child your choice…
screw her! i wouldnt even think twice of changing the date. i would choose indoors but, my mom was like this had favs only because they lived closer. tell your inlaw to get over it. not worth stressing
You are not wrong. Do it your way. Don’t accept her freebie that comes with conditions. Enjoy the party. And enjoy your birthday too.
Scr*w her for trying to pay for it to control his birthday. Happily do it at your house for your baby and don’t regret it or feel guilty for them. You’ll be happy at the end of the day that you hosted your baby’s party.
You are absolutely wrong. I also wouldn’t invite her to anything further until you get a genuine apology. She’s not hurting you she’s hurting your son by not putting him first.
How about you and your partner keep it at the park and do your own thing and if she wants to do something for the other kids (and claim it as your child’s birthday party) then she can go for it. But what’s important is that you and your partner do your own thing for your children. Hugs. (Been here, glad I don’t have to do it again)
I just to move dates to be accommodating but then started to say screw that the day I pick and what we choose to do its what we are doing if they can’t come they can’t come if they don’t want tonshow then don’t do what is right for you and your family
Your def not wrong. If you want it at the park on Sunday, then you have it that day and place. She can always make up the party and see him when she can and give the gifts/cake at that time when she is home
she sounds toxic as hell
do NOT feel bad at all. hahaha
shes needs a reality check, so give it to her, as you should
it’s your family your time your son, she don’t like it, oh well
also if hubby doesn’t stand up FOR YOU, he needs a reality check as well
No your not wrong at all love, don’t let toxic people like that control you, super glad you stood your ground
Your child, you choose when to have his party. She sounds like a narcissist. Trying to manipulate you into getting her way. I would definitely put my foot down and not give in or she will try to walk all over you.
Tell her she can still throw her party when she wants…
Keep your get together how you want💯
Fuck that she can’t come to his party bc she’s butthurt you didn’t change it for other people cut that bitch off and teach her a lesson that y’all will not be treated that way
No you’re not wrong. Your son, your decision. I had to make a stand more than once while my kids were little–sometimes to in-laws, a couple of times to my own family. Offering to foot the bill does not give carte blanche to change your plans. Keep standing your ground and they will eventually get the message.
House parties can be so much fun!
You’re not wrong in the slightest. You stand your ground for YOUR family. Do what best suits YOU. They will learn to follow or they’ll miss out on a hell of a lot more. Proud of you momma!!
Cut them out of your life now.
Having been through that over the yet, I say “your family your rules”. Each new family unit has to do what’s best for them and their children.
If she insists on throwing a second party that’s on her. Your kid your call
It’s your child. It’s up to.you and your husband. Not her. If she doesn’t want to be there then that’s on her. Enjoy the day. Love your children and make lots of wonderful memories.
It’s HIS BIRTHDAY. It’s his DAY! Celebrate it on HIS DAY! Mother in law needs to stay out of it!
You’re not wrong, she’s being unreasonable.
Go with your plans, forget her childish behavior!
It is not about her daughter or those grandkids. It’s your sons day….you also deserve to have your day as well!! She is definitely toxic. Will drop off his gift but not attend because she didn’t get her way??!!! Tell her to grow up!
You’ve done nothing wrong. She is being ridiculous
Wow! It’s just really crazy that people even act this way!￼ Your husband needs to stand up to his mother and tell her what’s up
Do not let me repeat absolutely do not change the date of your party!
Definitely not in the wrong
Go with your original plan. It’s your child birthday party.
He is ur son and you and ur hubby make the final decisions… I’ve come a long way of trying to accommodate people too…birthday parties, fathers or Mother’s Day…I was just fed up and I finally told this family member that we all have our lives and our own schedules and in laws…when it comes to our own family, we will celebrate OUR time. So do u and ur son and the rest will either follow or not.
Kinda sounds like you answered your own question by the time you finished. It’s awesome that you’re taking the time to consider all the sides. In the end, it seems like a bbq at your house sounds the most peaceful. And the park, if the weather cooperates! . Orrr do your party and let her do Chuck E. Cheese on her day of choice!
No, you are not wrong. If she wants to be petty she can explain it to the people that do go and wonder why she refused to attend her own grandson’s birthday party. She’s just being mean. And it’s wrong to play favorites to begin with. She should know better than to make it so obvious. It’s going to reflect on her, not you.
No your not wrong at all… It’s your son you do what you want to do and don’t let any one tell you otherwise… Let the favourites on to her in laws and let her bring her mother with her. Sorry that’s just my opinion have a great day with your family
Tell your mother in law to stick it in her juice box && suck iiiiit!
It your son day no one else so do it when your and husband want to for your son if they don’t like it to bad it’s his day not theirs
Have it at the park. I had the exact same issue with my MIL. My daughters birthday party was on a day that she wanted to go to the bar and celebrate another adult family member’s birthday. So irritating. Don’t let her have this power trip.
It’s your son party have it on the date of YOUR choice Happy Birthday
Whos’ Young’un is it again?
Do you really think this is the last time this type of obvious power play is tried? Nip it in the bud now, for good, or they’ll keep trying you!
Keep your original plan.
If someone else wants to do something else later, fine!
That’s on them!
Your sons party. You do it when you want to and where you want to. Cant please everyone but its not their child .
You aren’t wrong and keep on sticking up for yourself and YOUR family. If they wanted to be there they would be, and sometimes it just doesn’t pan out well if some people already had plans which is understandable, but trying to force you to move your childs birthday plans all around to accomodate a couple people when it would affect literally everyone else being able to be there is not okay. Don’t budge on it, it’s your childs birthday. It’s nice she offered to pay, but that doesn’t give her the right to control every other aspect of the party as well…
Your not wrong, your Mother in-law is
Mother in laws never fail lol. Glad you all stood your ground.
She is definitely wrong. Not you. Keep the party to the day you want it.
Save your mother in law some money and do it your way. Then enjoy your birthday to!
We had similar situations when my daughter, an only child, was little so we just let my MIL throw her own party and we had ours with my family and our friends. We had a huge blow out for her 2nd birthday for similar reasons and I refused to budge. It all went fine. My daughter got 2 parties out of it. My only condition with my hubby was that we were guests at his family party and would not help pay, plan or clean up. My husband insisted that he and I be invited (she tried the first year to tell us not to bother to come and he told he all of us or none. It worked out just fine for everyone. She and most of the rest of his family never attended the party we had, though they were always all invited.
The fact that she’s now not attending because her daughter won’t be attending reveals a lot about her character in itself.
Keep letting things like this happen (I mean this genuinely, not being snarky) and she’ll evidently cut herself off. You won’t even have to be “the bad guy” You’re right to do what works best for your family, do not feel bad.
Stick to your guns.
If she choses to miss the party - oh well…
Yeah no, its not her say or convenience. Its pretty messed up she is choosing to not be there for her grandchild just because she didnt get to control the situation. I would univite her and not allow her to even drop off a gift. Smh.
Sounds like someone I know but it’s not for them to say when or where!
move far away from all family members and that way the choice is made within the family.
You and your husband should do what you want and not sweat on it. Here’s the thing. You don’t have to listen to them complain or anything. Post the time and date and be done. Whoever comes well they come and who does not well that’s fine as well. Its about your son. Thats all that should matter. When family realizes their help and opinions are not needed then they will learn and hopefully will not try that again. This is why I don’t have birthday parties except for my own family. That way nobody is expected to work around their plans or anything. Enjoy his special day. Thats all that matters.
Ssy thank you for the offer of chuckie cheese but because she can’t do what your asking then it will be at the park and if she would like to attend date and time. She needs to respect you.
You can’t schedule your family events to accommodate other family members. Do it your way and if they care …they will attend. God bless.
Sounds like her not being there will make the event a lot smoother. I can already imagine the drama shed start I’d she stayed. At the end of the day, the only one missing out is her.
Lol why not have both??? Let her pay for her fancy one… and then have yours with your friends and family??? I’m sure child would super love having two parties! In my opinion park parties/or having at home are way better because you get more time and don’t feel as jipped, because you spent all that money for two hours… I don’t know about you but I like more time with family!
Pay for the party yourself and do it at the park. Whoever can go good. By you paying you can control all aspects of it.
Yours and his kid. Not hers. Yours and his rules and decision. Not hers. Do what yall want to do for yalls son and have it where yall want it. If she can’t get over it and learn it is yalls kid not hers and she wants to be all boo hoo about it and not show up because she can’t get her way. Then let her show her true colors to everyone that will be there. The kiddo will learn when they get older where they stand in her eyes. Remember. Yall kid not anyone else’s so yalls rules, yalls stipulations, yalls choices, etc. Do what is best for your family. Remember. “Blood is thicker than water but sometimes water is thicker than blood.”
Keep your date. Let her think what she wants
You answered your own dilemma.
Nope. Stick your grounds. Your sons birthday does not need to be changed to accommodate her favorites. If they cant make it because of their own choices than so be it. I personally wouldnt want grams around because she is being a bish about it and not caring about your son or you guys’ feelings on this
It’s YOUR sons birthday so it’s YOUR call…it’s HER choice whether or not she attends!
Sounds like someone I know,controlling and manipulative,I cut them off my life,so toxic and always looking and causing drama.My family are happy and we’re on peace without them.
It’s yours and your husband’s child. Y’all always get the final say. If that’s what y’all want to do for your son’s birthday then by all means do it. The people that want to come and be there will be there. And if not, that’s their loss!!!
Don’t ever let anyone including family try and manipulate you and make you out to be the bad guy for your decisions especially for your kids and your little family.!!
I always host my son’s birthday parties. Me and his daddy. And whoever shows up then great! And whoever doesn’t, oh well. they’re missing out on a great kid!!!
Hey It’s your Family just plan with out them no worries, selfish MIL
I originally would have said have two but after reading the controlling toxic mother I say do you!!! Also didn’t they know when your baby’s birthday is and they planned the trip without asking you if you had plans:woman_shrugging:
Your kids, your rules! Tell the nasty mil to bug out!
Have the party when you want to, the way you want to. If she comes fine if not fine. It’s not gonna hurt anyone for those other kids to miss your kids birthday.
Yea she’s definitely in the wrong! Specially with that comment being made about accommodating his sister and her family, that’s a big no, it’s your sons birthday not his sisters, you already picked the day of the party whoever cares enough about your child and his birthday should be the ones to accommodate and make that date and time work.
I agree to stick with ur decision! Also tho…maybe it would b nice to do both parties if that’s still an option?
Carry on with your party, if they’re busy and have other plans and can’t attend - so be it. Grandma wants a party for her grandchild let her make her own plans and have her own party.
The second I seen the favoritism was the second she would have stopped seeing my kids simple as that your kids are going to grow up and see that clear as day that’s absolutely not fair to them y’all need to cut them out ASAP
My second born turns 2 on the 3rd
She needs to change her ways and not interefer with your plans.
Plan your sons party, who comes comes, who doesn’t isnt your problem. Your kids will know who was there for them and who wasn’t.
Your child your choice and if your sil can’t extend her visit to her in laws that’s on them and if mil doesn’t like it let her go with her daughter but your child deserves a great party and it sounds like that is what you and hubby are you going to do.
So many people arguing…I found this
Your MIL has a lot of nerve in thinking she can manipulate people to bend to her wishes. Have your son’s birthday party when you and your husband want it so it works out best for you. Hope you son enjoys his day!!!
Do cut them out, they will change or your kids are better off
Have it when you want if they do not come it is their loss.
U are NOT WRONG!! She is do your party without her it’s your sons day not hers screw them
No you’re not wrong she’s a piece of work
You aren’t wrong.I wouldnt change it at all.She sounds so toxic.
I just do it anyways. My mother and sister who couldnt make it last yr showed up a week later after the party with a bike. The kids 2 wont even notice they arent there
Simple answer you ain’t invited piss off job done he’s my son not yours