My mom seems ashamed of my autistic son

My son is 5 years old and was recently diagnosed with high functioning autism. He is a smart, brilliant and caring little boy and communicates very well.The only thing he really struggles with is behavior like not being able to focus on something for long periods of time and wants to try to run off. However I can’t help but feel like my mom is ashamed or embarrassed that her only grandchild is autistic. When she does talk about it she always asks about what kind of treatment he can get like it’s a disease that can be cured. And a couple days ago we went to visit some family and on the way there she asked me not to mention to them about him being autistic because she doesnt want them “gossiping” about it. My family loves my son to pieces. I know they would never treat him any differently. I just don’t know how to talk to her about how it makes me feel when she says stuff like that because she can get very defensive and offensive when you try to confront her about anything. What should I do?


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mom seems ashamed of my autistic son - Mamas Uncut

Throw the whole mom awayđź—‘


If you can tell, your son can. I wouldn’t let anyone get away with that personally.


Tell her how you feel about YOUR CHILD! And if she has a problem let her kick rocks. I’ll fall out with ANYBODY and EVERYBODY behind my kids!

Talk to her maybe with someone else in the room (as like a mediator). Maybe she won’t be so confrontational in front of another person.

Tell the WORLD. Kids with autism are INCREDIBLE!! In fact we should all be more educated.


Doesn’t sound like someone who will bother to try to understand or listen. But she needs to be put in her place if she’s going to be disrespectful about it.

I say if you want to let people know you do that because that is nothing to be ashamed of. Completely your choice and it might not hurt to just do it while she is around so she can get over it already and possibly feel different. :woman_shrugging:


Some times those responses are out of fear and ignorance. I would send her videos or books to try and educate her about what he’s experiencing. Maybe she will have an ah ha moment.

Every single child with any type of disability is absolutely incredible!!! Shame on your mom…:cry:


I too have an autistic child with pretty much similar traits, she does have a few ticks but nothing to bad, and have had a few verbal altercations with family. Just because they are autistic doesn’t mean they are less than anyone else. Be proud of your baby and defend him with any means necessary, and if that means telling your mom off, that means telling your mom off. :hugs: :heart:


Get rid of the whole mom. Seriously, can autism be cured?? Smh


Absolutely mention it to your family whether or not she likes it. Maybe it will help her see that not everyone sees it the way she does.

I would try to educate your mom and just voice your concerns with her. If you bring it to her attention and her behavior doesn’t change then limit your involvement with her


You are his advocate, his rock, his protector. It’s time to unleash the mama bear. Don’t let anyone disrespect your cub.


As an autistic bean with high functioning autism and many other things some family members just never learn to accept it. Your family loves him for him (hopefully) nothing would change when you would open up to them and talk and educate them about your son and high functioning autism. It makes your son who he is. It makes him unique. It is his story. It is a huge part of your story and it is part of your family’s story. I think you should have a discussion with your mom and explain to her that you feel (be sure to use i statements) that she is embarrassed and ashamed of your son. But I definitely think you should open up to your family. Autism is just a label. It doesn’t change your son. But it does open up the door for them to educate themselves to be the best support system they can be for him. I was diagnosed very late (10 years old) and 13 years later my mom still tells me to hide my autism from family and new relationships. Its nothing to be ashamed of. We just see the world in a different way than neurotypical people do!

Educate her with information. Don’t say a word, let her read. Children with autism see our world differently and we have to learn how to see things from their perspective. If she ashamed, I would not bring him around her. He will pick up on her negative energy.


He’s not autistic, he has autism. Your mom needs to get over it. Big deal.

Tell whoever you want to. If you feel your mom is somehow ashamed of it then it likely you’re right. Unfortunately.
My mom chooses favorites. My daughter is her favorite and its so obvious how she trests her vs. My son. Its not right and I have told her this before. Best of luck to you. Remember, its your moms loss if she feels that way. Shame on her. :disappointed:

It sounds like you need to Educate her

Not even to justify her actions but 9 times out of 10 she comes from a generation who doesn’t understand mental health as much as we do. I doubt she’s doing it maliciously, it’s just all she knows unfortunately. Educate her about autism and maybe she’ll come around and not treat it as such a taboo subject.

No good. Throw ur mother away lol

U need to get offensive when she says things like that clearly she feels shame why should everyone else have to deal with what she feels that’s a whole child.

That’s so said the grandmother should be proud period if she’s ashamed then she has no place in his world sorry just my thought

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Some parents just don’t know how to do love. Tell her exactly how u feel. My mother is the same way and my kids aren’t autistic. She’s constantly telling me the same thing. Don’t tell the family this or that. She expects them to sit on the couch watch tv and not move or talk. She’s aslo confrontational when I tell her about herself. I would suggest keeping ur soon away from her. As my children got older they told me how they don’t feel loved by my mom which is very sad.

It’s better to let people know, then they have a better understanding when the child is acting out or having a breakdown. She really shouldn’t hide it.

i think your momma is too selfish and thinks only about her,if she really loves the munchkin she’ll fight everyone for the sake of her grandchild,i think she wanted a designer baby,you’ll be better on your own than with toxic people


My daughter has Aspergers. She also has ADHD…and a list of other diagnoses. She is 22 now and an amazing individual. If more people were like her, this world would be a better place!

Your mom needs to grow up. Your mom needs to be ashamed of herself!
You need to be your sons advocate. You need to set your mom straight. If she is going to play the victim, walk away. Your son does not need that in his life.

May sound crazy but remove gluten from his diet in a month you’ll see a huge improvement


Prayers I have gotten into it with plenty of people over my autistic children we have 13 children and five of them have autism just be the best mom you can be and don’t let her negativity get you down you are doing an amazing job

Maybe try taking to her? Can’t help someone understand if you don’t communicate


Gossiping??? Being autistic isn’t a jail sentence or a disease. Children that are autistic just need more love and patience. Nobody should be ashamed.
She should be proud of having a grandchild that is a little different, it makes him more special🥰


You tell her how u feel anyways, regardless how she feels about you asking her about it!

I would also get a few books about autism or find an online workshop that you can do as a family with her, as a way to help her better understand autism and that most other ppl don’t have the same shameful feelings as she does about his autism. Chances are, if she feels like they would gossip about it with others, then she feels that way bc she herself may have possibly been a part of the gossip with other ppls family members or something like that…otherwise she would have no reason to think that ppl would gossip about it.

But please explain to her that it is not a treatable disease, it is not a disability, he’s not disabled, he IS differently abled. If she truly loves him. Then she will get over her shame of his autism and she will be more than happy to educate herself on Autism.

I am a mom to 2 auti’s and I have family that knew nothing about autism at all…but bc they love me and they love my kids with every fiber of their being, they chose to educate themselves about it! And it totally changed their thoughts on autism and the autistic community (in a great way!)

I hope this advice is able to help your mom want to learn and adapt to his needs.

Maybe she’s not fully aware of what Autism is … back in her day kids were just naughty or the R word.
Try and explain what it means for him to have this.
How it will effect him.
How he sees the world.

Maybe a little more understanding will help.

Albert Einstein was autistic.


I too have a 8 year old autistic son he is high functioning some of my family treat him differently but i finally put my foot down and told my family how it was


The spectrum keeps getting wider and wider with what is deemed autistic it seems. That used to be ADD. I am surprised by all the new constant autism diagnoses I keep seeing. I would try to educate her on what thus diagnosis means and what therapies he is recieving.

She should be ashamed of her self specially her first only grandson she should be so proud to have she should be spoiling him and loveing him weather is your children grandchildren great grandchildren no Mather if they are born with a problem you don’t be ashamed of them you love them more you give all your love to them if she is ashamed of her grandson then she don’t love him enough and should not be around him.


Oh momma! First off, kuddos to you for keeping strong! Autistic or not, kids are hard to raise, and just from this post, you are doing great. 2nd, I’m not sure how old your momma is, but if she is “older” a lot of the older generation don’t believe in autism or add, adhd and all these other diagnosis. Only because when they were young, you didn’t hear of this! I don’t know your relationship with your mom, but it would hurt me if my mom did this because she is my best friend, and my babies all adore her. Maybe try to get some research, and show her how every day people are diagnosed with autism, and it makes them no less of a complete child/adult. Maybe helping her to understand what autism really means, she will change her thought of “autism is something to be gossiped about”.
Keep your head up, continue to be your baby’s voice and know you are strong and doing a great job!

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Get her books on autism so she can understand how it really is, shes like most people who have never know about it, u educate them. My son has toreettes so I understand how u feel, he’s an adult now but when he was young, it was hard for him. it’s not something that can be fixed, u just live with it and make the best if it, u can get really creative, with ways to help him, u have to teach people all the as much reading too so u can handle any issues as the come up.

She needs;to learn to accept him just the way he is. Otherwise it’s;her who’s embarrassing i doubt there’s a"cure"for autism&there’s different kinds. Research&enlighten(inform) her.

You mom needs more information and understanding about autism, she is literally ignorant about it…

I would tell your mother you ever rude to my baby your out of my life ( my mom was a very loving mom n grandson)

Everyone should be proud of their kiddos no matter what! I would talk to her about those feelings. However, you should look into ABA therapy. It is a Behavior Therapy that helps children with Autism, to increase those desirable behaviors and decrease those behaviors that are undesired and/or unsafe.

I’m sorry but this is YOUR son, and she has absolutely zero right to tell you when you can and cannot speak about certain aspects of YOUR child’s life. If it makes her uncomfortable then that’s just to bad because at the end of the day you are his sole provider and ultimately only you will know what’s best. She may be your mother but she is not his. I just pray the ignorance away and hope she educated herself before she makes a fool of herself.


If it was me I mention it when they asked how things are going then look at mom n smile

People suck, I deal with this all the time with my moderate/severely autistic son. Do not put up with any crap. I’d ask her about it and he straight up

Educate her to help her understand would be a good idea! Autistic children just see the world in a different way. It’s not a disease or something to be ashamed of. X

She’s offending you, let her know your feelings :pray:

Stick up for your son. There are therapies and techniques that you can use to help calm him down. But don’t let her make you feel that way. If she doesn’t like the fact he’s autistic it’s her loss not yours or his. Yeah sure it’s hard having an autistic son but all the milestones and improvements and little things are just that more special. I wouldn’t change my son for the world.

U don’t need negativity in ur life.

Be flat out honest! You are your son’s advocate. If you don’t speak up, how will your mom know? She’s only using the tools in her box that she knows how to use. Ask her to help you with researching autism. Together you can fight the stigma and better your relationship in the process.

Whats sad is people expecting a 5 year old not to have behavior problems. Think the can stay focused on something. Seems now adays bad parenting is being covered up with a title. Shameful.

If I were you, I would tell family how it was and if they can not accept the fact your child is autistic then do not bother coming around. You need positive vibes not toxic.

Ask her. Imo, you’ve assigned a lot of assumptions on her without truly knowing.

Hurt her feelings any way. And let her know truth on how you feel.

My mom would be the same way. I know my mom is super private and doesn’t like for children or anyone to have labels on them. She definitely doesn’t want people speaking Ill of someone she loves. I think you just make it clear to her that you don’t feel the need to hid his diagnosis. Once she see people treat him the same she will get over it.

Honestly she has a point in keeping it under wraps… sometimes it causes unnecessary drama and causes people to judge you under a microscope/ I regret ever telling anyone my son was on the spectrum not because I’m ashamed but because of the drama afterwards


Tell her to sit down and shut up. He is your child and you will shout to world about what a unique mind he has and you then go on and celebrate your son’s differences, his uniqueness.
My oldest is high functioning but can lose his train of thought easily. He is 13. His father’s mother basically ignores him and acts like your mom. I told her to grow up already that my son is fu**ing amazing and brilliant and will reach millions just by being him.

My 5 year old has severe autism. And even though his dad says he isn’t, I can tell he’s embarrassed of our boy. He’s an amazing little 5 year old with an extreme amount of energy and everyone that comes around him falls in love with him bcuz he’s a sweetheart. Your mom will be fine. She probably just doesn’t know how to approach the situation. Just keep loving on your beautiful baby. If confronting her will make you fell better, confront her and let it go.


My husband and I are very open in educating people about AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER. They can judge all they want. Most of them, actually understands and appreciate the info because they are not aware of this lifetime condition. I also educate my kid’s playmates why he does things that they don’t understand.
My advice, to let your mother know that you feel bad. She might understand where you’re coming from. Rather than keeping it to yourself and not having inner peace.

Sounds like ADHD not autism.

She should be ashamed of herself, really! It’s time for you to put your foot down and stand up for your son. She has no problem sharing her negative perspective of things so you seriously need to let’er have it, this is your baby she’s talking about. I have an autistic grandchild and I simply adore her. She is my heart and soul and never once have I been "embarrassed " about her even if she has an "episode " . I love her unconditionally :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::purple_heart::brown_heart::blue_heart::green_heart::yellow_heart::heart:

Maybe she is genuinely concerned about people talking about him

I say speak up obviously feelings will get hurt but if you don’t speak up you could start to recent her for what she says or does and we only have one mama and life is way too short sometimes and we miss the opportunity and be able to move on and figure it out together on your next sit down