I’m a single father raising 3 without the help of their mother. I try my best to make sure my kids have everything they need but as one man I can only do so much. My mother lives across the street and is raising my kids little sister(not my child). Well my mother does EVERYTHING with this child and nothing with mine. She takes her on vacations, to the movies, amusement parks water parks and almost ANYTHING that a child would love while my kids (her biological grandchildren) get left behind. Everything my mother does with this child when they get home the child comes over with all this shit she got from the trip and my kids have to sit there and watch her brag about everything. I have brought it up to mother that she can take one of my kids at a time with her and I would pay for everything but she still doesn’t? Idk what to do when my kids ask me why their grandmother don’t treat them like she does her sister? Advice? Anyone ever deal with this before?
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Take your kids on trips and forget about their grandmother. It will never change.
Confused how it’s your kids sibling but not your child… Are you saying all the kids (yours + 1 child your mom has) all belong to the same mom? If yes that would mean she’s not biological grandma. I would be very hurt if that’s the case. Forget her as best you can & you do for you and the kids. Your mom is missing out.
As a Grandmother I can’t imagine doing that …
I’m sorry they & you have to deal w/that !!!
It sucks but when a grandparent is raising a child it’s going to come off as showing favorites …. The grandparent is especially the parent now would you expect any other mother to take your kids everywhere also ?
And with that said I’m in the same boat and it has destroyed my relationship with that parent because while I understand I also won’t allow my kids to get their feelings hurt anymore.
doesn’t sound like she wants to be part of their life that sucks and I’m sorry nothing you can really do
Have you asked her? You should all ask her together. Dysfunction loves silence.
It’s an honest question.
Maybe she’s completely clueless. Maybe she needs to wake up.
It’s an honest question. You all have a right to ask and be answered. If she refuses, Don’t entertain her anymore.
If your mom has legal custody of her it is your mom’s responsibility to raise that child. If she doesn’t spend time with her bio. Grandkids she with regrets it someday
If she’s raising her, then that one is her daughter now. You treat your daughter differently than you treat your grandkids. Also, any chance she’s raising her alone? As a single mom to a preschooler, I personally don’t have the bandwidth to take on 3 extra kids during trips/outings, no matter how much I love them. Even one extra kid would be too much tbh. Especially for an outing. And I’m sure I’m much younger than she is. I wouldn’t take any of this personally.
I’m going through the Same thing with my husband’s mom, she favors my brother in laws kid over ours and they live with us, I yelled at her cause I don’t think it’s fair to my kids to see my nephew get everything and brag and not my kids. Unfortunately, they will probably never change so I just tell my kids that’s how she is and I’m sorry they have to go through this
Do you take this child everywhere you take your children?
I have 3 granddaughters, two of them close by. 1 is so far away I wish they all were close by. I couldn’t imagine doing that. My grandmother hated me. Thankfully my mom is awesome to my babies and grands, and wants to spend time with them. Don’t beg for her love. Just make a phone call or speak to her in person. If she doesn’t try to make changes, she never will. You do as much as you can for your kids. They will never forget the memories you make with them.
Start saving up any little bit of money you can and start taking them to do things instead my mom is doing this with my son but is trying to make it up after choosing her relationship and everyone else over us
Just take your kids to water parks or whatever and give them something to brag about, even if you have to save up to do it. It doesn’t look like your mom is going to do it. If you cannot afford that take them on a hike or to play ball in the park.
My kids have been through this and it never changed. Their paternal grandparents believed favoring my kids siblings was making up for the fact their mother wasn’t in the picture.
Your mother is this other child’s legal guardian…which changes the dynamics A LOT. I know this doesn’t feel fair, but while biologically she is your kids’ sibling legally she’s more your sibling.
My husband’s mom has custody of her daughter’s children. She takes them and does way more for them than my children…but legally speaking she is their parent.
I harbor ZERO resentment and have explained to my kids in age-appropriate terms (4 and 9. Both with ADHD and one with autism) why…and they understand.
As far as why she doesn’t let them tag along…even with you footing the bill.
4 kids alone is A LOT especially in a busy public place like a water.
I would NOT be comfortable doing so.
Maybe you could go with your mom and all the kids as well as helping to pay.
That way they get time with her but she’s not responsible for young children by herself.
Wow. It sounds like grandma is a toxic mess. And so sad for all of you. I’m not sure you can do anything but move away so you and your kids don’t have a front row seat to such cruelty. At least even if you have no support it’s not being dangled cruelly in your faces
Take your kids on a trip and stop having this child over to your house. If she wants to see her sister she can go to granny’s house
She’s raising that child.
That’s the difference.
Drop out of the race.
Do different things with your kids. When you have time bicycling with them, go to the park, swimming or wade in the water with them if they can’t swim, barbecue at the house, have their friends over, movie night, arcade day. Believe me as a single parent you can come up with alot of free ideas. Go window shopping and treat them to lunch or ice cream and your local community post free stuff for your community for kids. I believe that would help your kids feel a little different.
Having guardianship over a child isn’t an excuse to not be involved at all in her grandkids life. I’d personally cut them both off. When she decides she can be a present grandma maybe reconcile.
As hard as it is, try to save up what you can to do things with your kids and maybe always look for free stuff to do, like the park, a splash pad, community events, that require little money (gas, snacks and drinks) to do. My favorite thing to do with my kids is go to our town river and swim! We will spend a whole day up there and have a blast. It only cost us gas and food/drinks (about $50 round trip).
Brother I dunno if it’s a problem with the 60s to 75s gen they don’t like all grandchildren just pick a few to do everything for and with and the rest get left behind. U can offer money all u want the problem is they don’t care and it’s sad af it’s not how my grams acted but both my parents were like this. I dunno if it’s cause ur in a better position so they don’t feel the need or of they just don’t care I don’t know I haven’t figured it out yet
Our grandparents did this when we moved hours away because they were raising our baby sisters. We were really bothered at first but we had our chance when we were their age. We enjoyed and experienced stuff they never will when we lived there too. It’s going to be hard but if she is raising that child, that child is going to get things and do things the other grandchildren may not get to see or do because she is their grandmother and this child’s parent/guardian. I don’t agree with it per say but if she knows how you feel and nothing is changing, make your kids feel special. Do stuff for and with them and let them have their own fun experience. It’s hard feeling like you and your kids are being penalized because they have support, love, and parent/parents and the other kids may be treated differently, doesn’t make it right but you can do the best you can to make them feel just as special maybe if the kids are old enough to understand, make them aware that she is simply parenting instead of being that child’s grandparent and see if that helps:sweat_smile: all they want is attention and to feel just as special as said other child my cousin has her children, her mother has the rest of her siblings kids, and you can see the difference in that dynamic too. It’s hard but it’s circumstantial. Her children feel left out while the other kids travel the world with nana and do fun stuff but nana is their mom and has been since they were born I’m sorry for your children it’s not an easy situation to be in:confused:
I am raising, adopted, a granddaughter. Yes she gets treated differently than my other grandchildre because I am 100% responcible for her in everything. I love all my children and grandchildren but the others have mom/dad to do things with or vacation with.
I hate what your mother is doing and feel for your kids, but that being said 0MO your mother doesn’t see this child as a grand child since she is raising her. The things your mother is doing is parenting. This is what you need to explain to your kids
Maybe you haven’t sufficiently explained to the grandma her other grandkids feel completely left out and unloved?
sounds like your mom is being both parents to this little girl. while I get the others may feel left out at least they have there dad. sounds like the other child has neither so grandma is trying to make up for that. explain that to your kids. I feel sorry for all the kids in this situation they are ones that suffer
If she’s raising the child maybe that’s the difference. She’s raising this one vs grand parenting your children. This needs to be explained in a way that your kids understand if that’s the case.
to dad if its upsetting ur kids n i am sure it is stop letting the other child bring things she receives to ur house to flaunt n brag about to ur left out kids i DO NOT understand how a grandparent can favor one grand child over others i could NOT and WOULD NOT do that to my 10 grandkids if i cant do for one i wont do for none if i do for one i do for them all except for their birthdays cause that is different that is the brithday childs special day
I totally understand.
She’s literally raising this child. She’s PARENTING. You need to explain that to your kids. It’s not the same thing. Honestly surprised that you as an ADULT don’t understand that lol
My mother is like this. She favours my brother’s kids more than mine and im not the only one who see’s it sadly. I called her out for it and apparently I’m being “jealous.” I was the black sheep growing up and I’ll be damned that she does this to my children. Until she can treat my kids with the same respect, she is not welcome in our home.
I as a grandmother that lives with my 2 youngest grandchildren 9&5 and live near 2 great grandsons 5&21/2 with a great granddaughter that is 2. It’s hard to keep everything equal but I try my best. I feel bad if one gets more!
While she is technically the child’s grandmother, she is also the parent, and thus she’s doing things with this child a parent does. I’d recommend seeing the situation from this perspective.
I am raising my niece and nephew. My kids are all grown. My kids tells me all the time to give the little ones the best life I can. So they can at least have that since their parents ain’t worth a dime.
Sit her down and tell her you want to have an honest real conversation and that if she can’t be in your childrens life and they be included and treated the same that y’all can’t be around anymore…I’m sure you already feel betrayed by her raising your ex’s kid so you need to have this conversation anyways.
I totally can see where you are coming from, and your children see it as well.
Your mother may be purposely favoring this child, I assume she is playing mom, dad, and grandmother. And she is filling void where there is void, by doing all this stuff for the child.
If you children are old enough, have them talk to grandma too. Let them be heard.
Tell your mother not to allow the child to bring things to your house that she doesn’t also get for your kids. And ask her point blank why she never includes your kids in her trips.
So your mom does more for the child she is raising & is legally responsible for. You’re actually butt-hurt over that? That’s her child. She can’t take her child who she’s raising on vacation without taking yours as well? Stop acting entitled.
So sad I would tell her if she is going to continue this treatment of the children then she is no longer welcome at your house or around your children. Tell her also when their sister comes over she is not allowed to bring her stuff over because it’s hurtful to your kids to see grandma treats her better.
Ignore her.just stay focused on your childrens well being.teach your children that because she gets more attention from grandma,is only cause she’s the only child Nan has living with her.if that makes sense.
I’d not have your mother or that little girl over again AT ALL until that behavior stops… idgaf who’s kid, she’s picking favorites and she can keep her if that’s the way she’d be treating my children
I see no reason why she shouldn’t take turns taking the other kids too that’s not right shame on her
Wow that’s shameful, you can only be the best Dad you can be , teach your kids to understand that it’s not the sisters fault but that some adults dont have good manners.
It sounds like she’s raising this child. You are raising your children. That’s the difference. She’s taking the child she’s raising on outings. Not as a grandma. As a parent.
Nothing… and we’ll, pretty much everyone has a favorite, whether they like to admit it not. It’s generally pretty obvious to outsiders when the family is together.
If I’m understanding this correctly, than it seems like your mother is raising this child. If so, shouldn’t she be treating her as her daughter and not as a grandchild? Don’t parents typically take their children on vacation? I don’t see it as playing favorites, as much as I see it as your mother living her life and taking her child along for the ride. Maybe she should tell the child not to talk about going on vacation and such with the other kids.
My mom has custody of 1 of my nephews. She treats him differently, not because she favors him, but because she is raising him. All of her decisions revolve around what is best for him. He is a part of her daily life and routine. She recently helped him purchase a vehicle, and has done things with him that she hasn’t with any of the other grandchildren, simply because he is there. Is she supposed to find him a babysitter everytime she’s going to do something fun? What your mother is doing is no different than what my mom is doing. She stepped up when a child needed her. They’re creating their family dynamic. She’s probably over compensating and will most likely slow down over time.
She’s not acting in a grandparent role to that child though… she’s the parent in that situation so her role with that hold will be different. But I would have a talk with her about her forming a meaningful relationship with your children. She may be so wrapped up in parenting that she’s been neglecting the grandparent/child relationship. Or she may be happy with her level of involvement and the current relationship level. It’s up to you to either accept that and move on or do whatever you feel is necessary if you don’t accept it.
I mean is she raising their little sister as her own child? Like adopting or having custody? You would expect her to do these things if that were the situation. I have a nephew who lives with me and he goes with us all the time. We treat him as a “son”. Idk if that makes sense to you?
If she’s raising this child then that is why. Of course the child she is raising would go on vacation with her just as your children would go on vacation with you.
I feel like she is in more of a parental position with that one is why, maybe suggest you and yours and her and them do some things together? Not just her take all the kids but you go with them and have an outing.
Don’t let her come over to brag. Take your kids on trips
It would be if Thai was just another grandchild but it’s not, she is raising that child as her own in her own home 24/7 so obviously they’re going to get to do more with grandma
The little girl needs this more than your kids do. As a child raised by my grandma it’s our job as parents to help our children to understand these situations when kids grow up with unbiological parents. The child seriously needs that one on one time. Absent parents screw there children up. Extra TLC is critical I can’t explain the emotions growing up as a parent less child. So to me your kids being left out is a little selfish. Your kids have you in there life. That little girl don’t have hers.
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Well umm why is she raising your kids sister and not you???
Have you talked to your mother?? Ask her why she’s doing this. Are there issues you have with her ??
TELL YOUR MOTHER TO NOT LET HER COME OVER WITH HER STUFF BECAUSE ITS NOT FAIR
If the sister comes over with items just tell her to take them home…its makes life easier
Your mother even after talking to her wont change so i wouldnt even bother anymore…i would have nothing to do with my mother personally if mine did that…maybe she doesnt care for boys who knows…
I would sit down with her and ask why doesnt she want to do anything with your kids and does she have a problem with them
But on your days off go make your own memories by going to the waterpark, movies, pools, camping
Is this you’re kid or who’s ?
And is you’re mom adopting this child or what?
Where is her mom/dad do they have anything to do with her? I’m asking because all situations are different.
She is RAISING a child that is not her own. She is not required to treat them equal.
Sounds like that little girl is growing up with out a mother or a father so let her get spoiled. Your mom is awesome to step up and love that little girl. Ask her to plan trips together so the kids can bond.
I’d give her rules.
If she isn’t going to at least spend time with yours, then she can be cut off completely.
If she’s going to overly spoil one child and then send them over to brag, the child will be bringing nothing into the house.
If the child wasn’t a sibling I’d say cut ties with the kid too.
Your children don’t deserve to wonder why not them. Why can that child get all the attention, love, and everything else while they can’t even get one visit. It’s not right. Whether she is raising that one or not, she is still a grandmother and should act like it. Favoritism is poison and will easily make people grow apart.
Imagine having no mom no dad (or dad figure to step up to the plate for you) sisters that live just across the street not being able to live with them because of some reason you don’t understand, they have a dad (they don’t need to brag about that because it’s in front of your face (across the street to be exact). Imagine being in a family that doesn’t feel like yours, an outcast, where is my mom, why couldn’t I have a dad like they do that’s there for me? Why am I here.
Trust me she has a lot going on. Show some compassion and you take all the girls out so they can talk about the memories they’ll make together. And how cool a dad you can really be. Your mom will eventually follow suit.
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