Ok so amI the ah so my daughter got a bid with her cheer team to go to Florida this is the second time now she’s gone. So my mother took her last year so my issue is I’m paying for everything and I told my mom I got it this year u stay home my daughter wants it to just be me her dad and her my momIs completely disrespecting my daughters wishes of her not coming this year cause she wants bonding time with her dad and my momLoves to steal her away and my mom also wants to bring my six year old who has sevre autism and adhd so him being at a all day long cheer competition is not gonna work he can’t handle the noise so I asked plz can u stay home she is saying no she’s coming weather we likeIt or not and my daughter is very very upset so am I the ah for being so upset about this plz help
Better take lots of pictures cause memories will soon be all you got. But be glad ur mom is there cause there will be a day that u will wish she was still around and this post will appear on ur time line (5,10,15 years ago) and it’s gonna crush ur heart to know what u said
Have someone else watch the other child at home.
If your mom doesn’t want to stay back and take care of your child, then she doesn’t have to. You need to make other arrangements or have you or dad stay behind. She can go wherever she wants if she’s paying her way. If you don’t want her to show up for your daughter, just don’t give her details to the event.
if u expect her to watch the other kid while you’re gone yes. if not then no.
I wish I had my mom to come to things still. This is sad to read.
Definitely not. Your daughter is allowed to choose who comes to events. And also I never bring my ND kids either.
Find a reliable person to keep your other child. Go ahead with your plans, just don’t tell your mom what they are. If she goes she will be on her own.
Gma needs to step down. She wasn’t asked by her GDaughter… Your daughter is allowed to have her time with who she wants , and considering Gma went last time. It’s not her time this year
Sounds like you need her to stay home with your son? Maybe Dad goes with daughter and you stay home with your son. Grandma can stay home and do her own thing.
No you are not wrong. Did you ever thank your mom for bringing her last year? Is she keeping your child that is autistic? If she is going to be the caregiver this is a tip toe situation. You may need to tell her how grateful you are for her stepping in last year. Explain to her that your daughter was looking forward to you and her daddy being with her this time. Now my daughter has always had to go to cheer camp every year with her girls. So far they go to Florida. The way they are so structured￼ I can’t image your mother whisking her away somewhere￼. Please talk more with your mom about this situation. Good luck with this, and make sure she knows grandma can’t run it unless she lets her￼.
You can’t make her babysit. That said, sje can’t make you pay for a spot. If your child as told her not to go and she’s going anyway, I’d rethink her access to my child.
It’s not your mothers responsibility to care for your son while you and your husband go basically on a mini vacation. I understand your daughter wants you and your husband to go but if you want that, either take your son with you or find another sitter. She’s not your babysitter, she’s your mother and this comes off very disrespectful and as if you’re using her for her babysitting services.
A harsh reality check is that they’re your kids and your responsibility to deal with, not hers. She’s raised her children, she doesn’t have to raise yours. Maybe take your son and mother with you so all 3 of you can take turns caring for your son, but again it’s not her job to do so.
You expect your mom to stay home and care for your son, right? Find someone else to watch your son, or you or your husband stay home with him. Maybe your mom just doesn’t want to babysit, and you’d be the AH to get upset with her about that. If you don’t want her to go to the competition, explain to her why… but don’t expect her to miss it and babysit for you.
Most definitely not
Only you can know your kids limit
Also good on you for putting your Autistic child’s needs before your mom’s
Is it to late to pick another airline and departure time or a day a flight a day earlier
I know it may cost extra to change the flight
And just not tell her
That way you will have some piece of mind
Tell her no and find an actual babysitter
Seems like your mom doesn’t want to watch your son , so find a sitter and tell your mom that she still not welcome and that she can enjoy her time because you will not need it anymore to watch your son .
Or take your son and takes time to be in the event with your husband , like turns
Wished I have my mom. I think the main issue here is. You both wanted her to stay home and babysit the little brother. I can see why she don’t want to stay. If I was her, I’ll stay and you can find a babysitter.
Put your foot down and tell her to back off.
Idk why everyone’s saying you’re using your mom when you specifically said this was your daughter’s request for her own event. I would just make it clear that these are your daughter’s wishes because she wants alone bonding time with her parents. I would also find someone else to watch your son, but only because it’ll be easier to leave your mom out of it that way. Everyone’s trying to guilt you by saying to enjoy these memories because you only get one mom, but that same logic applies to your daughter. She’s allowed to want private time with people and I would back her on that right alone.
I’m sorry this entire thing read like a wall…
You can’t make her babysit. Maybe dad can stay home? I learned along time ago that beggars can’t be choosers. I can’t ask my mom to watch my kids then be mad when she does it her way. You have two children and if GMA doesn’t want to stay behind it’s your issue not hers. She raised her kids. She should be able to decide for herself also but it sounds like she is not wanting to be your nanny. I know it’s hard with different needs for kids but your daughter may just have to accept she isn’t an only child and accommodations are needed so GMA isn’t resentful being told what to do
I’m gonna come at this with a different perspective. People don’t wanna watch special needs kids. Even family. Ask me how I know. I learned the hard way. Unfortunately everything in your life is going to be wrapped around that. Your gonna miss things, lots of things. Unfortunately your not going to be able to everything you want too. Your going to have to make a choice. One of you parents need to stay home. Take turns who goes. This is going to happens for the rest of your daughters life. Dad went last year, you go this year.
To appease Gma, maybe plan something else with her in the future, like a picnic day or a tea party somewhere. Did she really enjoy it that much last year? Tell her this is YOUR year, your daughter wants time ALONE with you and dad, and she can go the following year. Tell her daughter would prefer another activity with Grandma where she can have her full attention without having to concentrate on the competition.
Can Dad stay home with your son or is Dad big into cheer competitions? Are you able to find suitable care for your neurodivergent child if Dad can’t do it and Grandma won’t?
You and hubs will have to discuss setting—and enforcing—boundaries with your mom, with rewards and consequences as to whether she respects your boundaries or oversteps them. How often do you expect your Mom to watch the kids. Is it reasonable for someone her age? Does your son get violent or just overwhelmed/stimming?
So basically what your saying is you don’t want your mum going but u want her to babysit for you? You can’t really just demand ur wishes! i understand your daughter is stating that she wants it this way, but is your daughter the parent? Perhaps explain to ur daughter she’s VERY PRIVILEGED to be getting in the first place!
If your mum is paying her way, she can go whether you like it or not really! Have a open conversation without assuming your mum is just “ being awkward or not respecting you”! If you have a strained relationship with ur mum that’s different but I doubt it’s strained if your willing to leave your son with her? Sounds like you just want it ur way and it’s not happening so your blaming ur mum! Your other child is also ur responsibility, if all fails dad or else yourself may stay at home and look after ur son without blaming ur mum!
You only get one mum and appreciate her when she is alive!
She needs to check herself that’s her grandkid NOT her child. I’d be checking her you’re grown aren’t you? Sheeiit
So Gm was good enough to accompany last year when you were unavailable to take her and so this year you can take her and want gm to stay behind and babysit for you and not go this year yes your the ah here you basically use your mother and when she doesn’t want to comply then you throw a tantrum I wish my daughters gm could make it to their events as does she you are selfish
No you’re not the asshole. It’s your daughters event, she can say who she wants there and who she doesn’t,
Find childcare for your kid and don’t give mom any info……
Sounds like you’re leaving her home to babysit and she ain’t having it.
Sounds like you’re just wanting grandma to stay home with your son because you don’t want to deal with him yourself. Maybe grandma doesn’t want to endure your son? Not saying it to be hateful, but I know I wouldn’t be equipped to deal with a severely autistic child, so yeah, you’re the @$$hole. How about you find a more qualified babysitter or maybe YOU stay home with your son and let daughter and dad go? You’re literally not wanting grandma to go because YOU don’t want to deal with your son. Seems like a jerk move to want to chick your son onto GMA.
Please be more specific—do you want your Mom to stay home with your son? If so,this brings it to a new level. Could you take your son and you and your husband take turns going to the cheer competition and one staying back with your son….does he like the pool or would there be an aquarium or something he would enjoy?
Tell her he isn’t invited. Tell her she’s stepping on your toes. Sometimes you have to put your foot down and stand your ground. For me, my kids - my rules, what I say goes. Sorry.
Can’t understand that thought process as a grandmother i would stay with my grandson so he could be comfortable at home.
Either way this isn’t going to go the way your daughter wants. What you should focus on is planning something strictly for your daughter to bond with her father but honestly they’re not gonna get much bonding done during a cheer competition. Find different childcare or be ready to take your son with you and sit with him so your daughter can bond with her dad.
So your mom can babysit for you but she can’t come?
So I am wondering if it your daughter who doesn’t want the grand mother to come or is it you because you want a vacation & need mom to babysit.
Remember whatever you decide will impact her future decisions too!
Can’t your husband stay home with the boy?
She never said her mother was watching him she said her mother wants to bring him there’s a difference, daughter has every right to want just mom and dad time
Can your son wear noise protection? Idk if that helps any but thought I’d throw that option out.
Be a big ah and giver her the wrong address
So everyone is getting their knickers in a twist and missing the point of the post
Your mother is disrespecting your families wishes. It’s perfectly acceptable to want one on one time and experiences with our children and for our children to want that with us. Your mother is showing you she doesn’t care for yours - or your daughter’s feelings and putting her own wants and needs first.
Can you find someone else to care for your son? If so I’d tell your mother that if she then appears - she will NOT be welcome to sit with you - or spend anytime with you whilst there. That this is just for you and your daughter - and be prepared to follow through
I think your daughter is expressing her need for time with Mom and Dad to have their undivided attention. No siblings!
I find it interesting that you have tons of people complaining that Grandparents aren’t involved and some complaining they are.
Maybe GM doesn’t want to stay home with the other child, maybe that child is too much for her and instead of saying something that she is insisting on going.
Idk- I love that my parents are fully invested in
Why cant grandma go watch the competition and then you guys and your kid can go out after and bond. Your not really bonding with her sitting in bleachers with 100s of people. Find a different sitter for the younger kid. Man all our family shows up for my daughter’s cheer competitions. If grandma wants to go you can’t stop her. And it’s kind of an AH move to try to do so. Some day you won’t have her around.
Ignore her for if she goes. Unfortunately, your autistic/adhd child is your responsibility not your moms. If she doesn’t want to stay home at watch him she doesn’t have to. Can you fly an aide with you or something to help watch him? I feel like you might not want her to go just so she can watch your son.
Find respite for your son! My son has autism as well. But I’m a single mother without any help. Your son’s insurance should cover respite for your son! I’ve never used it yet. My son is almost 7 but I know it’s there if ever needed!
Sit and discuss with Gramma and let your daughter tell what she wants
Technically, you can’t stop grandma from going. It’s a public event.
You can stop her from taking your child/monopolizing your childs time, but you can’t stop her from attending.
I’m guessing you live with your mother? Is the 6 year old your son or brother? I need more information.
I’m confused. Is this your mother in law? Because in the post you say it’s just you, husband and mom going. And what is Ah?
either she respects your wishes or she loses grandma privileges. being a grandparent is a PRIVILEGE, not a right.
Ask someone else if they can watch your child. Don’t give your mum any details and let your mum know if she shows up she will be asked to leave.
Put your foot down and show that you will not put up with this.
If she wants bonding time with her dad then why is the mother going and not staying home with the son? Sounds like mom’s ignoring her too